October 16, 1996

by Vince Yim

With the date to pay the second installment of residence rent long gone and: past, many people have received a piece of mail stating that if they didn’t pay the second installment, they would be evicted. Fair enough, but several of those people have already made their payments. That in itself is not so bad, as if one received such a piece of mail, that person only needed to present the receipt to housing. But then, what if one happened to lose the receipt? Can one imagine explaining to their folks that they’ve been kicked out of residence because they can’t remember where they put a receipt?

I thought that the kinks were successfully ironed out of the residence system last year. From what I’m told, there were considerably less problems in the second year of operation than there was in the first. So, why is it that it seems that there are more problems in residence this year than the last?

The problems seemed to start in the middle of the

summer, when the housing_

office was unable to tell us what our residence address would be. This was really puzzling, considering that last year, we were told what our room number was months in advance. Even though there is an expected increase in students as the years go on, sorting the rooms should have gone on with little difficulty. So, why is it that we weren’t told what our room numbers were until we stepped into the housing office? And for that matter,

What’s Wrong With this Picture?

: Over The Edge 5

Editorial

why is it that several students were told that they had a room, but when they stepped into the housing office, suddenly, they didn’t have a room anymore and they would have to live in off campus housing?

And then, moving in was a lot of fun, as many of the rooms were completely filthy. In my room, the last occupants cleaned the oven, but they forgot/neglected to remove the oven cleaner. Easy Off doesn’t taste very good, and it doesn’t really promote good health either. It seems that my roommates didn’t realize that there was oven cleaner still stuck to the oven walls, as they proceeded to use it, soaking in the fumes from oven cleaner. I thought the housekeeping staff was going to make sure things like this didn’t happen. After all, they did have four months to do it.

Of course, some problems with residence can’t be avoided (such as the laundry machines eating quarters, the noise level, the false fire alarms, etc.), but things like what I mentioned simply shouldn’t be happening. For one, the problem with installments would have been considerably easier if it was simply paid per semester. This would be more effective for people who aren’t staying for the entire year, only one semester. ;

Randall Brazzoni, your response and your input would be very welcomed. If I am wrong in what ] mention, please feel free to set the facts straight, as many students obviously have the same questions.

MEMO FROM THE

ISOLATION WARD: Desperate pleas from desperate

by John W. McFetrick

It was four o’clock when the phone rang. I picked up the receiver, said nothing and waited for the person on the other end to speak.

“Did I wake you?” said the voice.

“What do you want?”

“T need you to come down to my place. I need you to help me with something.”

Insane. Four in the godamn morning and this fool needs my help with ‘something.’ “Steve,” I began calmly, “call me in three or four...make that six hours. I’d be glad to help you then. I was having a dream about tits. Now fuck off.”

“Now. I need you now.” Steve sounded desperate. Most people do at four a.m. “I’ve got a problem with my landlord.”

“You’ve always got problems with your landlord.”

“I’m being evicted at nine this morning.”

I understood immediately. | could help him...I had to. Dealing with landlords is my specialty. “I’ll be right over.”

I didn’t bother to shower, since I was only going to get dirty. I got dressed, grabbed a flashlight from my desk and headed out to the garage. There, I found a box of quick set plaster, a bag of finishing nails, a hammer and a tin of epoxy glue. I also found.a tube of liquid solder. I packed it all up and got in the car.

I rushed over to meet Steve. He was in a state of apoplexy, so I tried my best to calm him down. “There’s no n¢ged to get excited,” I said. “We will fix this situation.”

He had already moved his belongings out during the night. All that remained were a roach infested sofa and an overstuffed chair. He had no intention of bringing these hideous relics

people.

into his new home.

I went out to the car and got my bag of tricks. I’Il start with the toilet, I thought. Then I'll deal with the sinks, then the locks. Everything should be ready for the landlord by the time he arrives. I checked my watch: Five o’clock. Plenty of time.

I gave Steve the epoxy. “Take this and pour some down all the drains. You won’t need much. Then take these nails and stick some down with the glue. It should all set within fifteen minutes. After that...”

“I know. The plumbing is fucked.” Steve began to giggle with excitement.

I took the box of plaster up to the bathroom and began mixing it in the sink. Then | shut off the toilet valve and gave it a flush. When I was satisfied that all the water had been drained from the bowl, I poured the plaster. Ten minutes later it was as hard as arrock. Nothing short of dynamite would break it free.

At last, Steve poured the remaining epoxy down the bathtub drain. We smoked a spliff and waited for the glue to harden. Then I turned on the tap, just a little, enough for a slow trickle. I reasoned that the tub would start overflowing in about three hours.

I checked my watch. 5:35. “We’re almost done. There’s just one thing left.” I handed him the liquid solder. “The

honor is all yours.” We went outside and Steve put the key into the lock for the last time. When the dead-bolt dropped, he snapped the grip from the key. The tumbler was now jammed. I gave him the hammer and he tapped the jagged edge that stuck out from the keyhole. Then he squirted some solder into the cracks. “Five minutes from now and nothing will get past this door...except maybe a chainsaw.” I gave Steve a pat on the back. “You learn fast.” “Thanks for your help. I was really stuck.”

“Steve, the fun is just beginning. We’ll go out and get something to eat (you’re buying) and then we’ll come back and sit in my car. We’ll wait right there.” I pointed. to where my car was parked. “That should provide a fine view when the landlord shows

‘up with the sheriff. We can

watch the old bastard freak out. It'll be great.”

I realized that more could be done. “We need a can of cat food.”

We bought the cat food and I opened it with a knife, went up to the house and gently slid open a window. I climbed in and walked to the room with the sofa and chair. “Chow time,” I said and dumped the cat food onto the floor. I found the thermostat and cranked up the

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