The Disport of Sport

Enjoy it while you can

“Resistance is Futile! Just con- vert yourselves already, there is no hope in_ holding back. Trust me, don’t deny the urges.”

By Jessica Johnson

For those of you watching my progress as a sports columnist, I have to say this out loud: having a new topic every two weeks is not easy. Sure, some of you are saying, ‘well, Super Bowl season is upon us.’ This is true, but I stick to my original state- ment from way back in the days of my very first column that I do not comprehend football, beyond the obvious unbridled display of male hormones; I want to apologize to all of the football fans out there, for this must be my greatest fault as a so- called “sports editor.” Have pity, for I offer an enthusiastic, yet lame (I know), attempt at a “GO whatever- teams-are-involved-in-the-Supcer- Bowl! Yea!”

Therefore, the obvious solutions to me, when my mind gocs blank the night before deadline, are: A) ramble on about nothing in particular, B) cry, C) pray to the gods of Gordie for

Aquarius:

Once again, you are the fairest and most lovely of all the signs. When others tell you this isn’t fair, tell them to shove a tractor up thcir ass.

Pisces:

Your belly fills others with glee. It is like a real life version of the Pillsbury dough boy, only instead of being filled with ooey, gooey, oh-so-good pastry, it’s filled with a goocy, not-so- good mix of blood, flesh, organs and partially digested food.

Aries:

Your lucky number is blecn. Convince the lotto people that you should be allowed to write in bleen. If they don’t want to let you, you must shove your hands down their throat, grab onto their insides and TURN THEM INSIDE OUT! Then shake salt on them, cause’that will sting.

Taurus: “Blinded by the light...

red rover

Disclaimer:

divine intervention, D) write about what I do love (the Canucks, obvious- ly), or E) a combination of A and D. Apparently, for this issue, I have cho- sen E.

However, instead of focusing on the hockey game of the Canucks, we can look at hockey in general, as this ever-loved sport appears to encircle the lives of Canadians, British Columbians, and Prince George- dwellers, whether we like it or not. Consider our good old PG for an example. We have countless teams for kids and youths, rec leagues, Spruce Kings, Cougars, and tons of support for the Canucks, everywhere you look. In the rec leagues, UNBC has one official team, and two unofficial teams, so for people looking to take in extra excitement, or even join, there is your opportunity (check out their scores in the scoreboard).

A perfect example of the general love of hockey that is found in our city is an event that is happening here at UNBC on February 11th. In the Canfor Theatre, on the eve of the llth, there will be a showing of the Vancouver/Calgary Pay-Per-View game, with some of the proceeds of ticket sales going to the Spruce Kings. Besides that being really cool (for Jack of a better word), there are rumors

that, if we get more snow and a bit

colder weather, there will be a pre- game game on the outdoor rink between the Spruce Kings and the UNBC hockey team. If that happens, which IJ really hope it does, that should definitely provide some

come in, uh... there’s a motor in the night... blinded by the light.” Some stupid person will sing these man- gled lyrics to you. Punch them in the face.

Gemini:

You will meet a Virgo who desper- atcly wants you to kill Avril Lavigne. Turn them in, collect the reward, and then spend the moncy on that life-sized Avril poster the TV told you to buy!

Cancer: Bluc light... follow the light... to... morc blue light. Yikes.

Leo:

Grr! You are a ferocious beast, just looking for some love, attention, devotion, and most importantly, hot beast loving! Go forth and hump my furry disciple!

Virgo: 2 You are so sexy. Go kill Avril Lavigne. Find a gemini to help you.

These horoscopes were written by a hormonal baboon. Use with caution.

itleads

momentum for big cheers.

I don’t think I have to reiterate how prevalent the support for our city and provincial hockey teams is. It is impossible to walk through our mall ar even down the hall at UNBC

‘without seeing an NHL hat, a

Canucks retro logo t-shirt , or some- thing of the sort ‘ithin the first ten steps. A person cannot go twenty minutes listening to the radio or TV without some mention of some hock- ey somewhere by somebody, whether in the form of highlights, news, or commentaries. Countless Prince George establishments, whether it is pubs or restaurants, really go for the hockey paraphernalia and game- night contests too.

T guess what I’m really trying to do is to send out a message to all of the skeptics out there: Resistance is Futile! Just. convert yourselves already, there is no hope in holding back. Trust me, don’t deny the urges.

For all the rest of us already there, let’s sit back and pray (this time to the gods of Wayne) that one of these days Todd Bertuzzi will actually show that he is worth that multi-million dollar contract by getting us into that thing that happens at the end of the season, otherwise known as the play- offs. This is the job of those true fans, like myself, who have more than a “when pigs fly” attitude. Keep the faith.

And, finally, for everyone else, who really could not care either way, I solemnly swear that my next disport will not be about hockey again.

Take on a new money making idea - Bulgarian Vodka... sure, it may be madc from old tractor parts and toi- let paper, but it really gets you wast- ed!

Scorpio:

This week it’s all about relaxation, pampcring yoursclf, and garnishing a Harvey Wallbanger with a thin slice of frozen herring,

Sagittarius:

This weekend will be spent putting down the evil rebellion of used pop bottles. Even though you will lose a hand while suppressing this evil uprising, most of your peers will think you lost it in a blender acci- dent.

Capricorn:

Captain to the bridge! Butt-grap- pling Butt aliens are in your... BUTT!

3)

JANUARY 28, 2004

Fundraising with Warren Miller’s “Journey”

invplved to collect the fueding apie to keep: athletes ae. Aud hist is whey it is $0. exciting when it actually happens.

Warren Miller’s action-packed ski film, “Journey,” is coming to UNBC on January 31st. Miller, now 78 years-old and still skiing himself, has been shooting his spectacular extreme skiing videos for 54 years. His current film includes footage from as close:as the back-country of Bella Coola, BC, and as far away as France and Morocco.

The important part of this event, as far as UNBC is concerned, is that all the procecds from ticket sales stay right here, in the athletic department.

It’s good for cveryone, and it’s good for athletics,” says Zanc Robison, Head Coach Men’s Basketball. “Since one hundred per cent of the proceeds from the film goes straight to UNBC athletics.”

Avid and amateur skicrs alike will not want to miss the opportunity to check out the big screen excitement when the film features back-country and home- town skiing in many renowned areas around the world.

Tickets are available at the UNBC Fitness Centre, Winterland Ski, and Ruins Board Shop for $8 in advance, and then $10 at the door. The film will be shown at 7:00 and 9:00 in the Canfor Theatre.