i2 Arts & Entertainment February 6th 2013 ¢ Over the Edge SPOON THIEVES: ATTACK OF LADY CATHERINE poon Thieves attack oflidy catherine JORDAN TUCKER ART AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR John Iguondula, the lead singer of alt- classical trio Spoon Thieves, explained to Exclaim last month, “Our sound is and always be about cacaphony.” Much in the vein of Leonard Cohen( who famously sang “there is a crack in everything / that’s how the light gets in”), Spoon Thieves have gained much of their fan base not for their music (which is mediocre at best) but for their on- and off-stage antics. The Spoon Thieves have unwittingly 66 blundered their way to notoriety. As any indie fan can tell you, Spoon Thieves have a history of reinvention - completely accidental reinvention. For their first album, guitarist Lee Emerett thoughtlessly smashed his guitar over the head of a bartender the day before recording started and was too strapped for cash to purchase a new one. As a result, much of that album (Piggy Bank Express) owes its originality to having been played on a cardboard box banjo. For their second album, Love at Grandmother’s Funeral, controversy arose when the entire band entered their first venue caked in pigeon blood and feathers, amove which offended animal rights activists until it was realized that the band had been innocently standing by their private jet when a stray bird flew into the propeller. With sheepish smiles, they dedicated the rest of their tour to the memory of “Ralph the pigeon” and announced that they would donate 5% of their merchandise sales to the Pigeon Welfare Fund. (pigeonwelfarefund. blogspot.com). As a result, merchandise sales soared, and the members of Spoon Thieves became very wealthy men indeed. This is all just lore surrounding the mercurial band, though. Their latest offering, Attack of Lady Catherine, is actually not as horrible as previous albums; on the contrary, it’s almost decent. Perhaps due to Iguondula’s divorce from his much older husband, perhaps due to the restraining order the band had to place against former bassist Mickey McCallagh, these lyrics belie a maturity not previously seen on a Spoon Thieves album. The title track, Attack of Lady Catherine, is catchy, with lyrics expressing a rage at the British Monarchy more typical of famed curmudgeon Morrisey. The drummer, Amanda Williker, seems to have actually learned how count to four, and Lee Emerett is less likely to destroy A strain of peppy hopefulness pulls this album together, and for the first time since their debut, Spoon Thieves have put together a real album. his instruments these days, perhaps due to his four-year marriage to supermodel Melanie Ariskatay. A strain of peppy hopefulness pulls this album together, and for the first time since their debut, Spoon Thieves have put together a real album. This is an album with real substance and actual concern as opposed to the endless stream of lyrics about whiskey found in prior works. The Spoon Thieves, a band whose trajectory towards fame seems to have been built entirely on good luck and bemused record executives, will never be a good band. But, as this new album has shown us, Spoon Thieves can grow up, and I'm really liking the sound of that. TAYLOR SWIFT: RED JORDAN TUCKER ART AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR All my indie cred is probably going to fly out the window for saying this, but whatever, I’1l stock up on striped scarves and organic peanut butter and manage to retain my sense of superiority somehow. What I’m saying is this: I like Taylor Swift. Sure, she’s kind of annoying. She does the wide-mouthed fake acceptance speech better than anyone, she’s twee, blonde, and unabashedly tweets pictures of carousels before making passive-aggressive music about her ex- boyfriends with the sort of glee generally reserved for a comic book supervillain. If it weren’t for the fact she’s actually good at what she does, I’d smack her into next Thursday. She moved to Nashville at age 14 after convincing her reluctant parents (likely with the same sort of rottweiller-on-a-kitten conviction she chases boys with) that she was going to become a country music star whether they liked it or not. In junior high, every other girl sang “Our Song” at the talent show in my home town. She has consistently put out good albums (like them or not) in an entirely strategic way for a decade. That’s impressive for anyone, especially someone who sings exclusively about her boyfriends. Swift manages to completely commit to a genre while somehow exploring others. She has teeny bopper country music down to a tee, earning a devoted (and insane) fan base as a result. This latest album, Red, aside from a few banjos, is not country. It’s straight pop, yet Taylor Swift still sweeps country awards, most likely because those in charge of the CMAs knows that Taylor Swift keeps a younger generation interested in a genre and industry that is informally known as “Planet Garth Brooks”. Red, of course, while straying entirely from her former genre with the dubstep drop of “I Knew You Were Trouble” and pop chimes of “We Are Never, Ever, Ever Getting Back Together”, stays true to the typical Taylor Swift formula of singing about nothing but her infinite supply of 2 week relationships. She somehow manages to do what every thirteen-year- old girl wants to do when she gets dumped: exact her vengeance very publicly, get very famous for it, and count the money as her ex gets continually reminded of his scandalous ways all over the radio. In fact, T-Swift herself has said that “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” was about an ex who listened to all sorts of cool indie bands and never respected her music. So she wrote a song guaranteed to get lots of play and drive him crazy. That is pure bunny-boiling crazy, and for that I love her all the more. It’s calculating, nuts, and I love her for it. For her next album, I hope her lead single starts “I am never ever ever telling you where his body is buried.” That would be awesome. Or, “Stabbing him made me see red.” So many possibilities for little T-Swift! The thing about Swift is that she knows exactly how to create her image. Little girls love her because she is exactly what they want to be when they grow up. She’s pretty, she’s successful, and she’s completely scandal free. So while media savvy journalists or critics might dismiss her as contrived and overly cutesy, not to mention guilty of completely infantilizing herself, little girls only see their favourite pop singer. And you’ ve got to be grateful for someone who can take their role as a role model seriously; I’d much rather see my little sisters grooving to Taylor Swift and her inane relationships than watching Rihanna writhe around in bondage gear. They can figure that out when they’re older. Red’s a good album. It’ll make you want to dance around your house. You should listen to it, I won’t tell the indie police, and we can write “I <3 T Swift” on our chucks together.