Over The Edge Page 4
Americans Need Strong Message

When will Canada stop
bending over for the
Americans? For many
years Canada has had
a series of prime minis-
ters that have at best,
been overawed by the
apparent might, and
unending arrogance of
our neighbour to the
south. This has, in itself,
been a tradition. Now
however, it seems that
the trend has become
more pronounced. With
current policy, the
Americans ask

(demand), and we
acquiesce to _ their
requests.

As was recently report-
ed in the Globe and
Mail, American immi-
gration officials can now
arrest Canadian citizens
in Canadian airports on
what was, at least,
Canadian soil. Now it
seems the border is try-
ing to creep south
again. Our favourite
NAFTA trading partner
is trying once again to
start the bulk water

exports. Canada, with-
out any apparent inde-
pendent thought, fol-
lows the Americans into
bombing yet another
small, sovereign coun-
try.

This is not an attack on
the United States. The
Americans have always
maintained that they are
good neighbours, and
they are right. They
have not gone to any
greater lengths to
exploit us than any
other country would

have, and to their credit,
their army has only
started a war with us
once. What the major
problem is the failure to
realize that what is good
for the united states is
not necessarily good for
Canada. If the
Americans have taken
advantage of us it is
because our lack of
objection amounts to
and invitation to pillage.
lf the United States
sees Canada as just
another state it is

because they have
never been told other-
wise.

Fortunately there is a
simple solution. This
solution, inspired by the
women's centre is as
true for international
relations as it is for per-
sonal relationships. One
word. No. It really can
be that easy. Oh, sure
there will be issues to
work out, and they will
likely unhappy with us.
After all, America has
long been the dominant

ril 1, 1999

in this relationship. It will
take some time before
they become used to
our new sense of
empowerment. But, if
we remain strong, and
do not fall back into
comfortable old
inequities we can be as
strong and free as we
can possible be. We are
Canadians, hear us
roar.

Letters to the Editor can be sent to: mahone0@unbc.ca

To Stalk You

Written by : Absole-Lutely Krazy & Sumwhayt Krazy

You may not be aware
of it but the country, not
to mention this campus,
is full of stalkers. Some
try to hide what they are
really doing by saying
that they are creatively
following someone, or
they just happened to
be going that way. No
matter how they dress it
up the result is still the
same, people who are
in the midst of stalking
someone frequently fail
to realize that they
themselves are being
stalked. This is a short
lesson on how to find
out who is stalking you
and what to do about it.

In order to figure out
who is stalking you must
get a notebook. It does-
n't have to be new or
fancy. In fact it could be
the last pages in a book

you had in Grade Two.
You just need some-
thing that is easy to
carry and preferably
looks inconspicuous.
Next notice people who
seem to be familiar. You
know, those people who
if you didn’t know better
you would swear that
they were stalking you.
Well you don’t know
better because chances
are that they are stalk-
ing you and you are just
too dumb to realize it.
Make a point to write
down all the lame
excuses these people
use. Things like “What a
coincidence!” or “I didn’t
know you liked “
It’s not a coincidence
and they did know you
liked it. They know
everything about
you...EVERYTHING!

Sorry about that, | was
on a.roll. Once you have
a fairly comprehensive
list of who said what,
pick out the person(s)
that appear on your list
the most often with the
lamest excuses. They
are your stalker(s). Do
not think of them as
people. Think of them
as mutant enemies who
follow you around mut-
tering “Grrrr. Arrrgh.”
Now that you know
who your stalker is you
can get rid of them. One
of the easiest is to pre-
tend to be their friend
even though the voices
in my... | mean your
head are screaming
“Your evil...EVIL! You
cannot possess me,
no.”. Once you have
gained their trust con-
vince them that they are

being stalked. This
works since people are
like cattle and will follow
wherever you _ lead
them. All you have to do
is point out people they
keep running into and
remarking on the lame
excuse they roffer for
the chance meetings.
This ploy works to make
them paranoid, but also
if you pay enough atten-
tion to them they will
leave you alone, having
had their image bubble
of you shattered. If your
stalker is smarter than
the average lug nut and
doesn't fall for your ploy,
| suggest you call
Jimmy The Fish and his
holy mackerel. His
address is at the bottom
of this page.

Jimmy The Fish @
(250) 555-5555

Covert Operations

Junk mail. It must be
a conspiracy. Is there
any other logical expla-
nation for the amount of
garbage in your mailbox
every time you open it?
Of course not. Now, we
finally have proof of The
Basement’s __ involve-

ment in a conspiracy
that is older than most
students at UNBC are.

“Why is it,” the average

life?” The answer is
simple. It is a smoke
cover. The Basement
has to send classified
documents to its opera-
tives somehow. Junk
mail provides the per-
fect cover for this. No
one would bother to

check the huge volume
of garbage that goes
through the mail system
everyday. Also, if a cer-
tain important docu-
ment happened to get
lost in the mail, it would
look like junk. As almost
no one ever reads junk
mail, the person who
happened to receive
such a document would
be most likely to throw it
in the garbage, and the
integrity of the organi-
zation would not be
compromised. The tan-
gle of webs that The
Basement spins gets
bigger everyday. Very
soon, someone is going
to trip, and Covert
Operations will be there
to catch him or her
when it happens!

Over The Edge welcomes all letters to the editor and attempts to print every Submis-
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spacial restrictions. Over The Edge reserves the right to edit for

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