6 March 30, 2011 + Over the Edge ‘Bieber Fever’ Mutates to Transmit Through Other Hosts Millions of pre-teens affected in under-age star worship pandemic VERONIKA KOLLBRAND FEATURES EDITOR Singing, dancing, acting foetuses rising to stardom is nothing new. Britney, Justin, and Christina all got their start on Disney’s Mickey Mouse Club when they were 8 or 9. The difference is they didn’t act like they were all grown and worldly. It was a show for kids, directed at kids who still acted like kids. It seems like pop stars and their fans are getting younger and younger. Screaming mobs of girls are a given, but when Elvis or The Beatles were on the scene at least their fans were a reasonable age. Here are some more recent additions to the under -18 world of fame that have driven pre-teens to insanity. Justin Bieber - 16 Bieber Fever is like the chicken pox, it’s worse the older you get. If you’ve ever seen the YouTube video from user Chynanny about a 3-year-old crying over Justin Bieber, you'll see the effect he has on the XX chromosome regardless of age. Mobs of pre-pubescent self-titled ‘Beliebers’ are constantly outdoing their own crazy selves in strides. Twittered death threats to his girlfriend to stampedes at mall appearances. Suicide pacts after his loss to Jazz artist Esperanza Spalding — one girl said ina YouTube video that Justin could have all her belongings after she killed herself over it. Bieber fans know no boundaries. | wonder if they'll be regretting these videos when they’re in their mid-twenties like I’m regretting my brief infatuation with The Backstreet Boys. One thing that | respect about JB is that his fame came out of actual talent and singing ability. He paid his dues the old-fashioned way — YouTube. Willow Smith - 10 Watching a Willow Smith interview is like watching a 4-year- old talk about their day. You can just hear the patronizing overtones of the interviewers and can you really blame them? She’s 10; she doesn’t have a personality yet. What she does have is a stylist, a writer, a publicist, and two very rich and indulging parents. Willow is set to star in a re-make of the musical Annie. Although it’s obvious that her record deal is entirely a product of her family’s fame, at least her songs are empowering for young girls and not all about boys like the pop stars from when | was younger. Plus if she does pull a Britney at least it will give us average people something to make fun of because Miley Cyrus smoking salvia just doesn’t faze me anymore. Jayden Smith - 12 Yes, Willow’s brother is rapping on the song ‘Never Say Never’ with who else? Justin Bieber. Of course he is. | can’t help but wonder what the Smith parents think their children are going to get out of this experience. Child stars don’t have the greatest track record as we've all seen. Cody Simpson - 14 & Greyson Chance - 13 Australian pop singer Cody Simpson’s first single is called ‘iYiY? featuring Flo Rida. Greyson Chance covered Lady Gaga’s hit Paparazzi at a talent show when he was in the sixth grade. The video was named #3 most popular YouTube videos of 2010 and he has since appeared on Ellen and signed to her record label. These boys are two examples of producers finding young talent on YouTube and corrupting them for the masses. They both play instruments fairly well and have written original songs. | can’t help but think that maybe if they hadn’t been “discovered” so early they might have had a chance to be legitimate artists. Not Your Average Grocery List New foods that will make you second-guess your current diet VERONIKA KOLLBRAND FEATURES EDITOR Dark Chocolate Dreams by Peanut Butter & Co. If dark chocolate pushed peanut butter up against a wall and made sweet passionate love to it, this spread is what their baby would look like. It’s a Nutella-like concoction but in a Reece peanut butter cup flavour. Its decadence is only surpassed by its perfect blend of two of nature’s most beautiful flavours. It goes with anything: ice cream, brownies, pretzels, bread and fruit. It’s also 170 calories for 2 tbsp and 18% saturated fat.. Thankfully they make treadmills for that. J&D’s Baconnaise | randomly came upon this miracle the other day in the sandwich spread section of SaveOnFoods. The founders claimed to have started out with the idea that bacon goes with everything and that it should be easy, convenient and healthy to eat bacon every day. It comes in Regular and Lite bacon-flavoured mayonnaise, which are both surprisingly not as bad for you as you would think (1 tbsp of the Lite is only 30 calories and 3g of fat). In fact, it has fewer calories and fat than regular mayonnaise and much less than real bacon. The company also makes Bacon Salt: the “low sodium, zero calorie, zero fat, vegetarian and kosher seasoning that makes everything taste like bacon.” It comes in classic flavours like Original and Hickory as well as limited edition Applewood, Maple, Cheddar, Jalepeno and Mesquite. Their Bacon Ranch dressing is described beautifully on their website: “It’s like bacon and ranch dimmed the lights, put on the Barry White records and made the world’s perfect condiment.” My kind of food description. They EVEN have Bacon-Flavoured Mmmvelopes. Yes, you don’t have to lick that disgusting adhesive strip anymore, you get to lick bacon. BACON. Esslack Food Spray by Deli Garage Tired of eating things that taste green, red or yellow? Boring! Now you can spray paint your colourful food metallic instead with gold or silver food paint. It’s only ingredients are ethanol, flavour and color and claims to be completely harmless and tasteless. While | can’t see myself spray-painting my salad gold in hopes that it will look prettier, this would be a nice Martha Stewart-esque edition to a dinner party. The German-based company that makes food products with car maintenance-themed containers also makes flavoured olive oils, wines, honey and pasta shaped like nuts and bolts. Whipped Lightening Whipahol I’ve only heard rumours of this product because it’s sold in just 13 US states. New states are being added and | can only hope Canada picks it up soon! It’s basically an alcohol-infused whipped cream. I’ve never heard of anything so convenient or delicious. If Muff Divers and body shots weren’t awesome enough already, now even the whipped cream on top will get you messed up. It comes in flavours like hazelnut espresso, white chocolate raspberry, coconut, caramel pecan and tropical passion. Their website includes recipes for shooters, frozen drinks and more. Special coffee Fridays just keep getting better and better! It doesn’t need to be refrigerated because of the alcohol content but you do need to be legal age to purchase it. Fun fact: At 18.25% its alcohol content is higher than Bailey’s. The FDA in the states is watching this closely and says it can be dangerous for teens who don’t know how to drink because you can have too much without really noticing. Come on. We were all teenagers once, and where | come from anything can get you too drunk regardless of how it tastes. And that’s kind of the point. ONLINE SOURCE Bieber has some competition favone ONLINE SOURCE If your idea of a perfect world is a line of condiments that makes everything taste like bacon, your in luck