NOVEMBER 5, 2003

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Sometimes when I’m feeling less than bril-
liantly inspired, I sit down and take a gander
at Savage Love, which is, in my opinion, one
of the greatest sex columns of all time.
Maybe it will inspire you, too, and you can
send me a question or two. For those of you
not lucky enough to have your mothers send
you a copy of the Georgia Straight once in a
while, you. can access it at www.thes-
tranger.com/current/savage.html .

I thought maybe this time around I'd
throw down a little about love, but I know I
promised a serial in the last issue. So here, in
conjunction with vaginal sex, is a whole bit
about anal sex. Let’s start with the basics,
and the relative risks of penetration below
the waist.

For the transmission of sexually transmit-
ted diseases, one person has to have an STD
to begin with. You can’t tell just by looking
at someone that they have a sexually trans-
mitted infection. They don’t have a purple
dot on their forehead, they don’t wear cer-
tain clothes, and+they don’t practice a certain
lifestyle: There are no risky groups, just
risky behaviors. STDs don’t magically
appear; someone has to have it already to
pass it on. There are two ways to contract
STDs: At birth, from the mother, if she has
one, the disease can be passed to the infant.
If it is a skin infection, such as herpes, or a
bacterial infection, like gonorrhea, the baby
will normally be delivered by cesarean sec-
tion to avoid contact with the infected area.
However, for blood born diseases, like
HIV/AIDS, the infant can be born with the
disease, and while there are ways to drasti-
cally reduce the degree of risk of transmis-
sion, it is quite often dependent on socioeco-
nomic circumstances and education (it
should also be mentioned that HIV is pre-
sent in breast milk, and while for adults, the
risk of transmission through the mouth is
low, infants are very susceptible to the virus
being transmitted this way).

The other way to get an STD is by having
unprotected sex with an infected individual.
This seems relatively easy to prevent, but
there are always several factors at play when
it gets down to getting down to it. The first
is honesty. There may be an unintentional
omission if, for instance, your partner does-

By Will Hull

There are some films that are revolutionary in
both style and genius, the viewing of which
changes your very outlook on the human animal
and shakes your personal views to their very
foundations.

Scary Movie 3 is a highly intellectual drama
that delves deep into the conscious psyche and
offers a rare empirical analysis of the human
condition and the effects that Platonic civil obe-
dience impresses thereupon. It is film to be
taken in slowly, with deep philosophical conno-
tations that require the viewer’s full attention to
be completely understood. The characters, mas-
terfully acted by such behemoths in the field of
dramatic film as Charlie Sheen and Leslie
Nielson, present an intricacy and depth that are
introspective to a degree similar to those found
within the greatest works of Shakespeare.

The direction of this film is a masterpiece unto
itself. David Zucker flaunts his directorial
prowess throughout the film’s duration, present-

| Cutrure 24

Movie Review: Scary Movie 3

ing us with a delightful mixture of Francis Ford
Coppola and Steven Spielberg, textured with a
dash of Spike Lee’s dramatic flare. The humour
in this, piece is subtle and sophisticated, taking
playful yet tasteful satirical jabs at such contro-
versial issues as the racial-barriers in western-
society’s class systems, the misappropriation of
government funding resulting in cuts in social
spending and the effects that such cuts have on
the quality of education, the long-term effects of
child abuse and neglect upon the psyche of
today’s misunderstood youth, and, of course, as
all great satirical artists have tried to grasp yet
have never before Zucker truly achieved the per-
fection of, people getting kicked in the groin.

In summary, Scary Movie 3 carries about as
much merit as this review of it. It aims low, and
hits its target. If you feel like blowing an hour
and a half out your ass, this is the perfect movie
with which to do it.

3 stars

Sea

n't know they have an STD, which happens
shockingly often, even with the really gross
looking /smelling ones. Or there can be an
intentional omission, which is really more of
a bald-faced lie. Some people lie about hav-
ing an STD because they feel ashamed about
it (the real shame is in not getting proper
treatment, and knowingly causing the
spread of disease), and some people lie
because they are selfish and don’t want to
sacrifice their satisfaction for the health of
others. Either way, it’s not a very nice thing
to do to someone, and they will eventually
figure out who gave them genital
herpes/ genital warts/chlamydia, and then
you'd better start sleeping with one eye
open, because in my experience, people tend
to get a little bit angry when they find out
they have an STD. (Other factors include
trust issues, and expectations - either about
a partner’s reaction or about sensation, or a
myriad of other things.) So what is the easi-
est way to prevent this horrendous event?
Cover up. If you don’t want to get wet in the
rain, you use an umbrella. If you don’t want
to get dish-pan hands, you wear rubber
gloves. If you don’t want to get an STD, you
use a condom. Pure and simple. Make sure
you roll the condom all the way down to the
base of the penis so that it covers as much
potentially infected skin as possible. Your
other option is the female condom (a bit of a
misnomer, since if the inside ring is taken
out, it can be used for anal sex, and anyone
can have anal sex, but more about that later),
which covers a generous area of the outer
labia as well as down to the perineum, and
generally gives you maximum protection.
Your risk of STD transmission for vaginal
and anal sex is roughly equal, as is your
reduction of risk when using condoms prop-
erly. With vaginal sex, though, you also
probably want to watch out for pregnancy.
And it is here that multiple methods of pro-

tection are your best bet. This NEVER means

two condoms. It doesn’t matter if one is a
male condom and the other is a female con-
dom, or both are male condoms. It doesn’t
matter how much_lube you use. You should
never use two condoms at the same time
(the added friction can cause both condoms
to break, leaving you in kind of predica-

ment). It can mean a hormonal method (like
the Pill or the shot) and a barrier method
(condom, diaphragm, cervical cap, etc.) or it
can mean an IUD (intrauterine device) and a
barrier method. The most important thing to
remember is that unless you are in a com-
mitted, exclusive relationship (that is gener-
ally accepted to be two years without sexual
contact with another individual, besides
your partner), you are at risk for an STD
every time you have sex. And birth control is
not disease control. Cervical caps,
diaphragms, the Pill, an IUD, the sponge,
the shot, and the patch do not reduce your
risk of contracting an STD. So use a condom,
which will reduce it.

Many people shy away from anal sex, and
this is not necessarily a bad thing. Without
proper etiquette and precautions, anal sex
can be an unsafe (not to mention unpleas-
ant) experience. Since lots of sexual health
programs focus mostly on mainstream het-
erosexual, sex acts, the anal information is
usually glossed over or left out all together.
First, here, is the issue of relaxation and con-
sent. If someone is not totally willing to
engage in anal intercourse, you can pretty
well guarantee it’s going to hurt. The anal
sphincter muscles are very strong, and have
pretty definite ideas about what is going in
or coming out. So the key to making it plea-
surable for everyone is relaxation. This can
mean different things for different people, so
communicate with your partner. You might
have to try different things before you find
something that works for you. The second.
key to make sure you use enough lube. If
you don’t, you are not going to have very
much fun. Anuses, unlike vaginas, don’t
produce lubrication, so you need to do it.
Third is protection: You need to use a con-
dom because STDs can be transmitted just as
easily during anal sex as they can during
vaginal intercourse. In fact, the skin inside
the anus is thinner than that of the vagina, so
it can tear more easily, leaving you open for
STDs. (Hence the lube. Try to minimize the
tearing; if not just for safety, but comfort,
too.) Again, the best way to minimize your
risk of infection is to use a condom. Latex
condoms work just fine, but you can also get
polyurethane condoms, both male and

female. Male polyurethane condoms work
just about the same as latex, but female con-
doms don’t, so here is another semi-
MacGyver moment: at the opening of the
female condom, there is a ring. Leave that
one alone, or you'll be in trouble when it
comes to finding the rest of the condom
afterward. The other ring, at the bottom of
the bag-like part of the condom is remov-
able. Do it, because it’s supposed to go
against the cervix, but as many of you may
be aware, there is no cervix in an anus. Now
it will act as a barrier between you and
whatever your partner may have. Before I
finish the bit about anuses, I think it’s
important to mention that unlike a vagina,
which has top to it, there is no real top to the
anus, so if you put something up there, it
can get lost. Make sure any toys or anything
have a base so that they don’t have a chance
to be lost, and one final thing that while may
be apparent to some people, isn’t to others: if
you place a bottle in your anus, with an
uncovered opening, it may form a vacuum,
and you will have to see a doctor to have it
removed. Both embarrassing, and inconve-
nient.

Just before I go, there are some things I
have’ been hearing around that should be
cleared up. Don’t use Saran-wrap asa barri-
er. It has holes in it people. Use the cheaper,
more protective plastic wrap. If you are

“using it as a prophylactic, don’t. Plastic

wrap is not really that great at preventing
pregnancy. The other thing, don’t reuse
female or male polyurethane condoms. I
know they don’t look as gibbled post-sex as
latex condoms, but they are still used. It’s
never a good idea to reuse condoms.

I’m not sure what I’m doing next issue, so
write me and let me know what you think
should be covered, or if you have a question,
ask, and it will be answered.

Tiffany xx

Goingunder_unbc@hotmail.com