Page 8 Over the Edge, February 10-24, 2010 Madame Mayhem’s F my Horoscope 2010 is a very special year — it just so happens that this year the Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day fall on the same day. To com- memorate this I will be delving into the Chinese horoscope system to give you your Valentine's romance forecast (aimed at the unpaired or newly paired). In case you don't know your Chinese sign, here's a handy chart: Rat - 1900 1912 1924 1936 1948 1960 1972 1984 1996 2008 Ox = - 1901 1913 1925 1937 1949 1961 1973 1985 1997 2009 Tiger - 1902 1914 1926 1938 1950 1962 1974 1986 1998 2010 Rabbit- 1903 1915 1927 1939 1951 1963 1975 1987 1999 2011 Dragon- 1904 1916 1928 1940 1952 1964 1976 1988 2000 2012 Snake - 1905 1917 1929 1941 1953 1965 1977 1989 2001 2013 Horse - 1906 1918 1930 1942 1954 1966 1978 1990 2002 2014 Goat - 1907 1919 1931 1943 1955 1967 1979 1991 2003 2015 Monkey- 1908 1920 1932 1944 1956 1968 1980 1992 2004 2016 Rooster- 1909 1921 1933 1945 1957 1969 1981 1993 2005 2017 Dog - 1910 1922 1934 1946 1958 1970 1982 1994 2006 2018 Pig - 1911 1923 1935 1947 1959 1971 1983 1995 2007 2019 It should also be noted that if your birthday is in January or early February (before Chinese New Year of the year you were born) then you belong to the sign of the previous year rather than the one listed. You can find this information — as well as the element corresponding to your sign — online. Rat Valentine's Day plans will go extremely well for you — you shine as your usual quick-witted, charming self. However, following that day, the sordid love triangle you've got going on will blow up in your face when one discovers the other via conversation with a mutual friend. Confron- tation is inevitable. Ox You're not as unappealing as you think you are, dear Ox. Unfor- tunately, your low self esteem is a turn-off. If there is someone you're crushing on just come out and say it. If you dont your friends may feel the need to intervene and the last time they did that it resulted in you waking up in a strange bed with a heavy hangover wondering where your pants got to. Tiger Financial Consumer Agency of Canada i+i Cool it kitty, you are going to get laid this Valentine's day, This is your year after all. However, I'm not going to say that you wont have to lower your royal standards. Rabbit Oh, you thought you were actually in a relationship with that per- son? Yeah, they thought it was a friends-with-benefits type thing. Sorry. I suggest calling a friend (a real friend) and crying it out, you'll feel better afterwards. Forget them, there are much better people out there for you. Dragon If you stop bossing around everyone around you, you may get lucky this Valentines Day. On the other hand, not bossing people around is hard for you, isn’t it? Snake If I could distract you from the Sudoku for a minute, I'll tell you what this Valentine's Day has in store for you snake. Right. If you want to go out and try to seduce someone you stand a good chance of succeeding. It might not turn the type of relationship you want (they aren't nearly as smart as you are!), but it'll be a good time if you can be bothered. Horse An out-of-town lover will get you closer to places you've never been before — and warm you up considerably. Beware of tropical diseases. Goat Make something pretty for your Valentine, they'll appreciate it and see you for the unique snowflake you are. Or they may dump it aside with hardly a word, screw you silly, and leave you sexually satisfied but missing some piece of your soul. Monkey If you play this one right it may turn into a relationship that lasts more than three months. Your first one ever, wouldn't that be novel? Rooster Being fifteen minutes late for a date because you wanted to preen is acceptable. An hour and a half, however, is not. Congrats Rooster, you just stood someone up. Dog Seriously, do you hold yourself to those standards, or just everyone else? Relax a little, dog, you're being a righteous bastard. You may be barking up the wrong tree if they seem to enjoy how vexed all of this is Agence de la consommation en matiére financiére du Canada making you. Get your leash and go for a walk, it’ll calm you down. Pig What a beautiful set up you have planned! A wonderful date! Rose petals, chocolate body paint, and red wine, honestly, you know what you're doing. If you get stood up dont stand for it and don't give them a second chance. TOP TEN WORST VALENTINE’S DAY GIFTS The Opposite of Your Favourite Flower Key Chain that reads, “Il Love You” Pass to the Gym Bathroom Scale Feather Duster The book, “Sex for Dummies” Bikini Wax Kit Air Lift Bra Jewelry in a Ring Sized Box The book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” RNWAATDNDAOS ea 2 | i oo oe 6 | Ey Eg - 7\2}4/8) |3) | 1] [3i2) |7] | | Kali’s Killer Sodoku Make your money go further (no money was hurt in the making of this ad) baie are (aucun billet de banque n’a été maltraité dans la création de cette publicité) Tirez le maximum de votre argent Having trouble stretching your money? Our free tools and publications can help you keep more cash in your pocket. Visit www.KnowledgePays.ca. FCAC > ACFC It pays to know. Des problémes a étirer votre argent? Nos publications et outils gratuits peuvent vous aider a économiser. Consultez www.CaRapporte.ca. S’informer, c’est payant. ivi Canada