November 15, 1999

Kornered on Kampus

by Anonymous Koward

Here’s the — story:
Dana, our usual writer,
was unavailable to do
the Kornered article this
issue. A few of us (that
wish to remain
unnamed) decided that
it was too important to
miss an issue.

Without Dana’s (or

Kristina’s) expertise, we
decided that it must be
done. So, after much
decision making, we
came up with what we
feel is a quality ques-
tion. One that gets right
to the point, and
answers the question
on the minds of all the

Do you think Dana does
Kampus to hit on guys?

beside me is lying.”

Quentin
3rdish Year, English

Dana’s Neighbors

Assorted Years and Programmes

Computer Science

st) Gide nets, .

Personally, | have
wanted to know the
answer to this question
for a long time. Now,
we're going to get the
opinions of other stu-
dents, and once and for
all settle the debate of...

Kornered on

hit on me”

Dave
3rd Year, Computer
Science

people that thought
they were going to
have their picture in
the paper...

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This is your week to shine. All signs
point to your achieving all major goals
this week, so long as they do not
involve, academics, interpersonal
relationships or finances.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Both you and your significant other
haven't seen the inside of a book for
almost a month now, let alone set foot
in the library. Your aversion to books
may just lift for a few hours on
Tuesday morning, which is prime
time to get started on that research
paper that is due on Thursday.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)

All the planets have lined up, and it
is your lucky day, and hell is actually
frozen over. The cutie at the bus stop
is going to ask you out! | suggest you
say yes because the next time this
will happen is in approximately

319,654 million years from now.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

After you went downstairs and prod-
ded at the massively disgusting pile
in the basement in an attempt to get
rid of it, your missing roommate has
shown up again. It turns out that he
had just gone on a spontaneous
roadtrip and you have just taken your
life in your hand by disturbing a
sleeping beast. Nice going.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Unlike Aries this is not your week to
shine. All signs point to your not
achieving anything no matter what
area they are in, especially automo-
tive areas.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)

Mike is definitely getting too close
for comfort. Even though you may
want to | don’t suggest that you lock
him in the trunk again. You might get
in trouble with the police, or even
worse he might get the totally wrong
idea and think that you were trying
out something kinky.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)

The planner you found last week
was not the right one. It is actually
your planner from 1988. | can’t
believe you didn’t realize this. You

Over The Edge Page 13

can stop going to your ballet lessons
every tuesday evening, they ended
about ten years ago, but if you want
to stay in you class with all the other
ten year olds it’s not for me to say.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

| see that you did not make use of
the wonderful cold that fate flung your
way. You spent all the time that you
could have used studying for
midterms watching the Price Is Right
and cheesy soap operas, didn’t you?
Unless all your exams involve guess-
ing the exact price of a leather sofa
upolstered in authentic forest green
suede, or telling the prof the details of
how Kenny’s twin brother Lenny is
actually Kenny in disguise trying to
abduct his wife’s sister’s hairdresser’s
pet chihuahua, then you are in deep
doo doo.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

You kicked her again!? How dumb
are you? It’s right in the middle of
midterms and everything. You better
hope that she’s a forgiving person.
mean it’s not everyday that you man-
age to befriend the smartest person
in the class. You really need to lay off
the caffeine, maybe then you will be
able to resist all those urges to kick
peppy people, no matter how early it

s.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Your sign, unlike everyone elses
shows true promise for the week.
The doctors don’t seem to find any-
thing wrong with you, so you may be
able to keep the voices in your head
to yourself. So long as you don't
keep listening to what they tell you to
do.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Blah blah blah. this is your horo-
scope this week. if you don't like it
you can come in and write it yourself.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

As retaliation for continuing to eat at
the keyboard, your computer has
erased all your high scores for tetris
and is sulking until you apologize to it
and remember your manners from
now on.