EXPRESSIVE ART-BASED AUTOETHNOGRAPHY:
A STUDY OF COUNSELLOR IDENTITY

by
Jodie Petruzzellis
BEd., Lakehead University, 2001

PROJECT SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF
THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF EDUCATION
IN
COUNSELLING

UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
April , 2012
© Jodie Petruzzellis, 2012

UNfVERSITY of NORTHERN
BRITISH COLUMBIA
LIBRARY
Prince ~ge. B.C.

II

Abstract
This autoethnography was designed to examine the meaning created when a
counsellor and art therapist in training reviewed the qualitative interviews of other mental
health practitioners in order to gain insight into her own counsellor identity. The method
for gathering data was conducted through a self directed art-based process that accessed
the kinesthetic-sensory, aesthetic-emotional , or cognitive-symbolic dimensions of the
mind and body. Art making was used as a modality to express the meaning derived from
the interviews in combination with the researcher' s existing worldview and experiences
with counselling thus far. The art making was followed by an aesthetic analysis of the
process and product in order to maintain an exploratory stance and extract deeper
meaning from the work. Through this personalized process, the researcher was able to
pull themes from the lived experiences of others that related to herself while, at the same
time, developing her personal and professional identity.

Ill

Table of Contents
Abstract
Table of Contents
List of Figures
Acknowledgements
Dedication

Chapter One:

II
Ill

v

VI

VII

Introduction
Developing Identity
Self as Student
Self as Researcher
Significance of Project and Rationale
Personal Location
Overview

Chapter Two:

1
2

Literature Review

9

Counsellor Identity

9
9
11
13
19
22
25
26
31

e e~

Understanding Self Within the Culture of Counselling
Identity Development for the Counsellor in Training
History of Art as Therapy
Internal Conflict and the Motivation for Change
Creativity, the Brain , and Mental Well-Being
The Expressive Therapies Continuum
Art Making as a Modality for Healing

Chapter Three:

3
4
5
7

Methodology

34

Qualitative Autoethnography and Arts Based Inquiry
Introduction
Qualitative Research Methodology
Autoethnography as Method
Art-Based Inquiry
The Use of Expressive Media in Autoethnography
Concluding Thoughts
Process
Constructing Reality Through Art
Research Process

34
34
36
36
39
39
41
42
42
44

IV

Findings

51

The Eye of the Storm
Building Capacity, Community, and Connections
What Matters Most?
Leading with the Heart
A Coat of Many Colours
Pull Me Back In
Seeing the Forest From the Trees

51
54
57
60
62
65
67

Chapter 5:

Summary

71

Chapter 6:

Conclusion

79

Chapter 4:

References

82

v

List of Figures
Figure 1 Overview of the expressive Therapies Continuum

29

Figure 2 Art Therapy Relationship of Discovery and Meaning Making

42

Figure 3 The Eye ofthe Storm

52

Figure 4a Building Capacity, Community and Connections

54

Figure 4b Building Capacity, Community and Connections

55

Figure 5a What Matters Most?

57

Figure 5b What Matters Most?

58

Figure 6a Leading With the Heart

60

Figure 6b Leading With the Heart

61

Figure 7 A Coat of Many Colours

63

Figure 8 Pull Me Back In

65

Figure 9 Seeing the Forest From the Trees

68

VI

Acknowledgements

I would like to acknowledge my committee, Linda O'Neill, John Sherry, and
Joanna Pierce, whose flexibility , knowledge, dedication, and expertise helped make this
project a reality.
I would like to acknowledge Freeman Woolnough for his ongoing feedback,
input, and contribution to the editing of this project. His humour and counselling skills
got me through many frustrating times. I am glad to have had him as a roommate,
colleague and friend throughout my time at UNBC.
I would like to acknowledge and thank my supervisor, Linda O'Neill. She has
gone above and beyond her supervisory responsibilities to support me in completing this
project. I am grateful for her honest feedback, as it has made me a better counsellor and
academic. Her open door policy, consistency and compassion has provided a safe
learning environment that has encouraged me to extend beyond who I was when I entered
this program. She is an incredible teacher and mentor.
I would like to acknowledge my partner Paul, who is the most compassionate,
selfless person I know. He has supported and encouraged me throughout this entire
process. He is a calming presence in my life who is patient and loving. He inspires me
to be better everyday.
I would like to acknowledge my parents, Heather, Alberto, and Nick. They have
only ever wanted one thing for me, happiness. They have taught me that dedication and
hard work can produce great results and that we are always capable of rewriting our own
narratives. I will forever be grateful for their unconditional love.

VII

Dedication
This project is dedicated to the formal and informal mental health practitioners
who informed this research and my identity as a counsellor. Your candor during the
interviews gave me the strength to remain open throughout this process and uncover my
true self. Your commitment to empower people and community is admirable, your
ability to honestly reflect is inspiring and your knowledge of the profession is valuable.
Thank you .

Chapter One: Introduction
Developing Identity
Counsellors act as empathic supporters, educators, and advocates who are
employed to help others on their journey towards self-discovery, skill development, and
personal understanding. They are trained to work with people to better understand the
self. Training in this field requires equal proportions of education and experience,
followed by personal reflection in order to enhance competence and confidence. This
progression takes time but is necessary for the development of one ' s professional
identity. This project will show an individualized process of counsellor identity
development incorporating knowledge, experience, and reflection in order to establish a
personalized practice and way of being in the world.
Developing counsellor identity is a lifelong process which involves the inclusion
of moral development and beliefs, social interactions, work/life experiences, self
awareness, group and individual processing, education, as well as, spiritual and cultural
perspectives and practices. All of these factors influence the way counsellors perceive
the world around them and themselves in relation to others. In a shared encounter, this
understanding of self applies to both the person seeking counselling, as well as the
counsellor, where interactions are validated through language and relationships (Gergen,
1985). An exchange of meaning transpires when, together, individuals take these
personalized worldviews and co-create a dialogue or a new experience (Gergen, 1985).
They come together, share an encounter, and move from that encounter with a new
understanding of themselves and the world around them. This novel understanding is
then taken with each individual into his or her next lived moment until it becomes woven

2
into the fabric of his or her personal existence. According to the co-constructive
paradigm both parties now take with them a part of the other.
Within the therapeutic setting, as the counsellor shares and develops new realities
with his or her clients, their identity transforms. This transformation is inevitable and
necessary for growth, as this newly acquired information about the world adjoins to
preexisting schemas. Counsellor identity is forever changing and developing as new
personal and professional occurrences unfold. Recognizing the self within relationships
and discovering a way to harvest and cultivate identity formation after a co-created
therapeutic encounter provides us with a clearer understanding of our abilities and
limitations as individuals and our development as professional.

Self as Student
As a Masters of Education (MEd.) in Counselling student, as well as a student of
Art Therapy, I find it difficult to work in this profession and remain unaffected. In fact, I
believe that in order to be authentic and empathetic in my delivery of counselling
services, I must remain open to the possibility of emotional impact. I see it as a
necessary component of my professional development to expose myself to the raw
emotions of others, and be there with them in triumph and affliction. At the same time,
however, I recognize the detriment to personal health if this impact is persistent and
unprocessed.
As a counsellor and art therapist in training, I have as much responsibility to care
for myself as I do others. I voluntarily expose myself to the personal lives of others,
which can potentially leave deep emotional impressions. In order that I may preserve
longevity in my professional practice it is important for me to distinguish myself from

3

other, recognize my thoughts and emotions in response to therapeutic encounters, and
make my own meaning out of the experience. Processing this information is not a simple
procedure, rather it must be done in a way that compliments the person choosing to
reflect.
The use of the expressive arts has been an outlet for self-expression that has
served me well since childhood. Throughout my development, dance was my chosen
medium for expressing my inner world, as it provided the container within which I could
channel the frustrations I felt about my parent's divorce. More recently, I have been
using art making to express symbols and reflect emotions surrounding my struggles as a
counsellor in training. This personalized process of reflection is important for harvesting
wisdom, developing greater personal awareness, and caring for self.

Self as Researcher
This purposeful use of self, inherent in the role of the counsellor, can also be seen
within the role of the qualitative researcher, as the qualitative researcher seeks to uncover
the meaning ofthe human experience (Foster, McAllister, & O'Brien, 2006). In an even
narrower application, autoethnography as method for qualitative research gives me, as
both a researcher and counsellor in training, the opportunity to connect to the broader
cultural context of the counselling profession and record the personal impact of this
discovery. This autoethnography was designed to process and examine the impact on self
and counsellor identity when I observed and co-facilitated qualitative interviews which
explored the experiences of formal and informal mental health practitioners. This project
questions the extent to which the lived experiences of these mental health practitioners

4

have impacted my personal and professional identity, and demonstrates a method for
processing this impact.

Significance of Project and Rationale
The purpose of this project is to employ a qualitative art-based autoethnographic
research method that explores my primary research question: How do the narrated lived

experiences of other informal and formal mental health practitioners influence my
identity as a counsellor in training? Through a review of literature on counsellor identity
development, creativity, and art making as a means of expression, reflection, and selfdiscovery, I was able to explore the existing research on this subject and develop an
authentic methodology for analyzing my research question.
This project is meant to uncover how the use of an expressive art based process
directly proceeding exposure to the narratives of other counsellors can initiate
comprehensive meaning making out of personal experiences and promote a greater
understanding of self. The purpose of this project is to record my thoughts, feelings,
reactions, and interpretations of qualitative interviews with other mental health
professionals in order to discover how these stories informed my personal and
professional identity. Through this experience, I discovered what emotions, thoughts,
and images transpired from my art-based response to the interviews and how this process
of reflection can continue to improve my current and future practice.
In order for identity development to occur, it is necessary for individuals to
understand the connection we share with other individuals, with our families, with our
culture, and with our land, while being able to appreciate the self within that relationship.
The intention of this project was to do just that, to pull the information from my

5
surroundings while comparing and contrasting who I am in relation to others. My hope
when initiating this project was to familiarize myself intimately with this process in order
to discover a method of personal reflection that would help to further develop my
personal and professional identity.
I see this qualitative study as a way to inform research that creative outlets can be
used to integrate internal emotions and understand new information. This project serves
to validate the creative process in general for the purpose of healing emotions, organizing
thoughts, and providing insight. I have written this paper for the academic community,
the professional community, and the creatively inspired in order to provide them with
evidence that supports alternative and experiential methods of self-reflection. It is my
hope that this project will contribute to a body of knowledge related to qualitative artbased research using autoethnography as method that will encourage similar future
research and validate this method of self-exploration.
Personal Location

During the summer of 201 0 I attended the Canadian Art Therapy Association's
annual conference, Coast Salish Traditions Meets Art Therapy. One of the presenters at
this conference, an " intuitive medical healer", offered a workshop on a specific form of
grounding. At the end of his healing circle he noted that there were many participants in
the room with an abundance of " light", something he compared to "energy of being" (D.
Chagnon, personal communication, August 12, 2010). Since that workshop I have
contemplated the meaning of "energy of being", or "fire" as Ellen Levine (2003) defines.
Ellen Levine uses the metaphor fire to "connect the artistic process of making .. .
with the vitality and aliveness that is necessary in order to emerge and develop as a

6

person in the world" (2003, p. i). According to Levine (2003), this drive towards
discovery begins at birth where the infant is motivated to develop mastery over their
physical world. The same drive that later motivates the adult to move through
challenging life events and as a result develop a greater understanding of themselves in
relation to the world around them. Levine (2003) continues to state this motivation and
aliveness is what fuels individual creative expression. She believes there is a connection
between this aliveness in the self and the creative act, which can be contained and
expressed in the transitional space of play, art, and the imagination. It is within this
transitional space that one can become whole and integrated by experimenting with
breaking up of old forms in order to create new ones (Levine, 2003; Siegel, 2008). The
inspiration for this project came from my own energy of being, my drive towards
personal discovery, wholeness, and integration. It is an attempt, through the creative
process, of breaking down my preexisting identity as a counsellor in training and building
it back up through the integration of my internal and external world.
During this project I explored the creative process and transitional space that
Levine (2003) speaks of in order to work through a disintegration of my own thinking,
feeling, and being and discovered the creative potential within myself. This project
provided a platform where I was able to document this process of integration in order to
better understand myself as a counsellor in training. Through this process, I let go of my
previous identity and moved into an experience of uncertainty where the possibility arose
for new forms of existence to emerge (Levine, 1992). Levine (1992) describes this
integration and affirmation of the psyche to be a creative act of re-forming ourselves,
through the death and re-birth ofthe soul.

7
This research project served a great purpose in my life during the time it was
conducted. It gave me the opportunity to further understand myself in relation to the
world around me and recognize my identity as a professional helper. My identity as a
counsellor was in the process of unfolding; therefore, this project came at a time where I
was able to reflect upon, express, and document this unfolding in the form of an art based
academic project.

Overview
In order to self-locate before listening to the experiences of other mental health
practitioners, I created an art piece followed by an aesthetic analysis that documented my
identity as a counsellor before the research process began . This gave me a place from
which I could begin tracking my identity, a starting point that enabled me to witness the
progression and evolution of my identity throughout the research process. Following this
initial art piece and aesthetic analysis, I listened to the interviews of six formal and
informal mental health practitioners, and responded to each interview by first creating a
subsequent art piece. After each art piece, I analyzed the aesthetics of the work and the
experience of the art making itself by exploring the surface of the work and the emotional
and physical experience of creating the piece. I then dialogued with the image in order to
retrieve deeper meaning from the process and analysis. Next, I brought all of the
information gathered from the creative process together and analyzed the findings to
answer my research question . In the subsequent section I reflect on the findings , provide
the art pieces that were created in the research process, and pull in-the-moment quotes
from the aesthetic analysis. In the conclusion, I review the project question and
summarize the findings by matching common themes and drawings from literature on

8
counsellor identity. Finally, I will demonstrate how my personal and professional
identity has been shaped throughout this experience.

9

Chapter Two: Literature
Counsellor Identity
Human nature has no lasting properties, rather it exists only in the flow of
interactions between individuals and groups (Pinker, 2002). It is a socially constructed
experience that evolves through every encounter, where each person represents the other
(Kamenka, 1962). We are, therefore, greatly affected by our relationship to others and
the environments in which we are living. This relationship can exist on an intimate level,
as seen in the necessity for a healthy attachment between an infant and primary caregiver
(Siegel, 2008). It can also be seen on a cultural level , by the impact on survivors of
residential schools when they were displaced from their families and communities (Duran
& Duran, 1995; Hart, 2002). Finally, it can be seen on an ecological level , when the

mental health of a society is affected by the physical health of the greater biosphere
(Roszak, 2001 ). A distorted perception of personal identity and meaning can manifest
with a dislocation of self as separate from family, culture, history, and community. The
evolution of self exists because of this relationship to other, as new understanding
emerges through every encounter.

The Self
At the core of everyone exists a self that is the seat of consciousness (Schwartz,
1995). " Self is an independent center of initiative, ideals, and perception with awareness
that body and mind are connected to form a unit in space existing on a continuum in
time" (Kohut, 1977, pp.l77) . Self is the essential qualities that constitute a person ' s
uniqueness or essential being. The psychological function of self is to motivate personal
drive and satisfy individual needs through an internalized sense of one ' s personal

10
existence (Kohut, 1977). This self has all the necessary qualities for good personal
leadership such as compassion, vision, perspective, curiosity, acceptance, and confidence.
It is an internal leader that engenders balance and harmony.

This intrinsic leadership is what motivates us to attach to others for the purpose of
survival and healthy development. We become psychologically healthy and able to
regulate ourselves emotionally and physically by learning to fulfill our basic needs in a
creative manner, a skill learned through healthy attachments (Bowlby, 1988). Infant
needs are met first by the primary caregiver until the infant, child, then adolescent is able
to internalize these techniques and eventually develop new and creative ways to sooth
themselves. Differentiation from the primary caregiver is part of this process in order
that our own creative self-soothing techniques can be developed and new personalized
skills adopted. If we lack the ability to differentiate from these attachments, we rely on
external control for guidance, lose the freedom to discover our individual capabilities and
understanding of self, and have difficulty becoming a successful part of a community.
We, in turn, strive to meet our needs in a more reactive and emotionally disorganized
manner. When we lack an understanding of ourselves in relation to others, meeting our
needs becomes difficult and emotional discomfort can arise (M.J. Dhaese, personal
communication, November 11 , 2011). Emotional discomfort can be considered a result
of a disconnection from the self and the inability to incorporate self into our relationships
with others.
External control limits personal creativity, inhibits this leadership of self and
forces it into unconsciousness. When our true self is unconscious, we are even more
vulnerable to external control and soon become a product of our thoughts or the thoughts

11
of others rather than our intuition. While our self is unconscious, we are no longer acting
on behalf of our internal sense of knowing, but rather on behalf of external expectations.
According to Schwartz (1995), once a person becomes aware of their core self and allows
it to lead, they feel better about life.

Understanding Self Within the Culture of Counselling
Self is both the subjective knower (1), as well as the object that is known (me). It
is the awareness that we, as beings, exist both as inner experiences of sensations, affect,
and thought processes, as well as an outer object that interacts with the world (Jacobson,
1964). It is an enduring frame of reference through which the nature and meaning of
internal and external experiences are determined providing a sense of continuity in the
face of change (Bellow, 1986). The meaning of self varies across cultures and can be
dependent upon the way the individual, within the framework of his or her culture,
defines themselves in relation to others. This personal/cultural definition can influence
and determine the vary nature of the individual experience, consisting of cognitions,
emotions, and motivation (Markus & Kitayama, 1991). Regardless ofthe culture in
which the self exists, it is this balance between the internal awareness of the self and the
external experiences of self within the world, that personal meaning is determined .
When two or more people come together for the purpose of therapy, a unique
culture is formed , the culture oftherapy (Pare, 1996). Within this culture the counsellor
forms a connection and interdependent relationship with the client based on compassion
and unconditional positive regard (Rogers, 1956). The therapist creates a safe space for
the client to expose their internal world by reflecting the client's thoughts and feelings
and remaining open to their narrative. When working within this unique culture where

12

the therapist becomes intimate with the internal emotional world of the client, it is a
valuable practice for the therapist to reflect upon self within this relationship. Due to the
complexity and at times ambiguity of this dynamic, locating self in relation to other can
create clarity for the professional who may experience residual feelings from this
encounter. This reflection provides the counsellor with an opportunity to recognize the
influence of the relationship upon them, as well as, track how meaning is created from
the shared experience.
An exploration of the self is a fundamental place from which to commence
practice as a counsellor. This subjective and personal appreciation enables the counsellor
to further understand how another, the client in this case, creates meaning out of his or
her life experiences (Foster, McAllister, & O' Brien, 2006). In order for the counsellor to
fulfill their job description of supporting and maintaining the mental health of another, it
is wise for them to locate their own inner experience as being separate from that of the
client's (Gallop & O'Brien , 2003). According to Foster, McAllister, and O'Brien (2006),
having this increased awareness of how one differentiates from another, and paying
ongoing attention to one's feelings, thoughts, and experiences in regards to the
therapeutic relationship can contribute to an improved therapeutic use of self in the
effective delivery of counselling services.
Within the realm of counselling, regulating internal emotions when relating to
clients is a core challenge (Nutt-Williams, Judge, Hill , & Hoffman, 1997; Skovholt &
Ronnestad, 2003). It is important for counsellors to be aware of this challenge and
practice effective ways to strengthen themselves from within. This inner strengthening is
what sustains the counsellor' s own mental health, and creates safety within the

13
therapeutic space, a basic step needed in order for the client to trust and share their story
(Rober, 1998). Counsellors can experience, regulate, and express emotions at a level that
facilitates rather than inhibits the therapeutic process (Skovholt & Ronnestad, 2003).
Knowledge of self in relation to others facilitates a clearer understanding of the
difference between client and practitioner responsibilities and creates emotional
boundaries that are an essential aspect of the therapeutic relationship. For example, as a
counsellor in training, I limit the amount of self-disclosure I include in session, as I find
the more I disclose within sessions, the greater chance there is for my narrative to become
entangled and fused with that of the client's. This emotional boundary, therefore, is
created in order to facilitate a therapeutic alliance without inhibiting the therapeutic
process.
Influence is an inescapable result of any interpersonal relationship (Chenault,
1969). As much as the impact of the client' s story can influence the counselling
professional, so can the narrative of the therapist influence the client. In a relationship
that may put the counsellor in a position of psychological power, careful consideration
must be placed on what is happening within the therapeutic space (Chenault, 1969).
Understanding the impact of the therapeutic relationship, as mentioned above, ensures the
counsellor recognizes their level and degree of influence within each therapeutic
encounter. Knowing this power has the potential to affect another individual is reason
enough for counsellors to consider their own cognitions, emotions, and motivations
behind the delivery of their services. Understanding self within the therapeutic
relationship gives the counsellor a tool to navigate ethically and responsibly within the
culture of counselling. This self-reflection assists the counsellor in recognizing the

14
cognitive and emotional impact of the therapeutic encounter for both the client and
themselves.

Identity Development for the Counsellor in Training
The counsellor in training is viewed not just as a student lacking specific
counselling skills but "as an individual who is embarking on a course of development that
will culminate in the emergence of a counsellor identity. This end point constitutes the
integration of skills, theory, and a more complete awareness of oneself and others"
(Stoltenberg, 1981 , p. 59). According to the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy
Association (CCPA), and the British Columbia Association for Clinical Counsellors
(BCACC), one can adopt the official title of "Counsellor" if a person meets the particular
association's requirements and processes for certification. However, identifying oneself
as a counsellor and developing a counsellor identity hold two very different meanings .
Developing counsellor identity is a process that is not simply encompassed by a title or
job description , as it consists of a feeling of competence and confidence in one ' s
counselling abilities (Marshall , 2000) . Competence can be addressed through
knowledge, educational training, and standards of practice, whereas the development of
confidence is a process that changes systematically and develops over time (Marshall ,
2000) . Developing both competence and confidence is a process that takes time and is
developed not only by the individual counsellor themselves but through the relationship,
modeling, and guidance of a trusted supervisor.
During the preparation toward becoming a certified Counsellor and Art Therapist,
whether through membership with the CCP A, BCACC, or the Canadian Art Therapy
Association (CATA), there is a necessity to practice counselling and supervision ofthat

15
practice (BCACC, 2011 ; CA TA, 201 0; CCPA , 2011 ). Supervision is essential for
counsellor identity development because it provides a reflective process that supports the
evaluation of self within service. Through counselling supervision, supervisees build on
their skills and insights as practitioners while having the opportunity to reflect upon their
delivery of services, their profession, and their client relationships (Mulhauser, 2001 ).
The importance of the personal and professional reflection achieved through supervision
is integral to identity formation , much like the reflective relationship between the primary
caregiver and an infant is integral for development of the self.
Counsellors in training frequently begin developing their professional identity
through supervision with a more experienced counselling professional , a model that can
be compared to an object relations theoretical framework. The theory of object relations
is a psychodynamic theory within the psychoanalytic psychology framework. Within a
psychodynamic model , identity is a construct with the main purpose being to furnish a
coherent picture of human personality development (Marcia, 2006). Those who
subscribe to this approach believe that humans have an innate drive to form and maintain
relationships, and through these relationships our minds develop and our identities are
shaped (Malchiodi, 2003) . This model of personality development compliments the
structure and purpose of the supervisee-supervisor relationship in counsellor
development, as this interaction provides the necessary conditions for counsellor training,
shaping, and growth to occur.
Counsellors in training develop a fundamental relationship with their supervisors,
who provide a nurturing atmosphere where the supervisee can cultivate their knowledge,
skills, and identity. These supervisees often come into this relationship in a state of

16
confusion and anxiety (Watkins, 1990). They struggle in the beginning to deliver
counselling services with confidence and competence, and therefore, come in to the
relationship from a stance of dependency and often fuse to their supervisors (Watkins,
1990). Eventually, as the application of practice paired with reliability and guidance
from the supervisor persists, an inner stabilizing and trust develops within the supervisee,
leading to growth in confidence and individuation from the supervisee-supervisor
relationship. This is the starting point from where the counsellor in training' s theoretical
knowledge base may transpire with safety and support into practice and skill.
Before becoming comfortable in their skill development, students experience
somewhat of an identity crisis during which they must successfully meet challenges in
order to attain an identity (Nelson & Jackson, 2003). In both Hogan (1964) and
Stoltenberg and Delworth' s (1987) models of identity development in counselling this
crisis can be observed in the beginning, as counsellor identity moves from insecurity,
dependence, and the need to practice skills to a greater sense of autonomy, personal
insight and understanding of self. These examples support the notion that within the
counsellor identity developmental process there is an element of stress followed by
challenge and ending with a greater understanding of one ' s identity.
To facilitate the process of counsellor identity development, educators provide
programs that encourage students to find new ways of viewing the world, the profession,
themselves, and others (Nelson & Jackson, 2003). Based on a study conducted by
Skovholt and Ronnestad (1995), a career model was constructed after counsellor identity
development was explored over a 40-year life span. This model sees the developmental
process of counsellors as moving systematically from conventional/pretraining to

17
professional training first through the imitation of experts, then on to conditional
autonomy, exploration , integration, individuation , and eventually integrity. Within the
context of graduate school, it is believed that when supportive educators adapt to meet
the needs of students, the environment can facilitate movement for these students from
uncertainty and dependency to confidence and independence (Bruss & Kopala, 1993).
Bruss and Kopala (1993) suggest that as students begin to identify with trainers the
students' internal experiences become better organized and they are more able to work
with the external realities of counselling. Nelson and Jackson (2003) and McAuliffe
(2000) identified the importance of relationship in the formation of identity and explained
that professors ' open-door policy, along with their respectful and accepting teaching
styles, and the incorporation of the head and the heart within training were considered
important to the student' s professional growth. These abovementioned studies reinforce
the concept that a healthy and supportive supervisee-supervisor relationship acts as a
catalyst for greater competence and confidence in the practice of counsellors in training.
According to Corey (1996), counsellors must have self-awareness, not just
theoretical knowledge. He believes they must first know themselves before they can
employ any counselling techniques successfully. When students focus on developing
their own identity, not only does it assist in their differentiation process within the mental
health profession, but it also facilitates greater efficiency in their work as counsellors (du
Preez & Roos, 2008) . Professional identity is an evolving process that takes place over a
life span (Nelson & Jackson, 2003). This professional maturation involves a movement
from external to internal expertise and a knowing that learning requires ongoing personal
reflection (Skovholt & Ronnestad, 1995). du Preez and Roos (2008) explored the

18
development of South African counsellor identity by means of a reflecting process
involving personal visual representations of the counsellor's experiences. The study
subsequently revealed that through this reflection process they were able to develop a
capacity for increased self-knowledge and personal growth. They went on to say that
visual material as a form of expression made it possible to challenge some of the
limitations of verbal text in order to construct knowledge and facilitate thinking about the
social world that could not be expressed in words. This literature reinforces the
importance of the reflection process for counsellor identity development and extending
this process to various modalities of self-expression in order to capture the true essence of
the experience.
At both the University ofNorthern British Columbia (UNBC) and the Vancouver
Art Therapy Institute (VA TI) the concept and practice of self-reflection is endorsed. Not
only is it provided in the form of direct supervision, but it is expected within coursework
and written assignments. These programs are designed to provide the groundwork for
learning from where the counsellor and art therapist in training can build upon their
existing knowledge, in order to develop their personal identity as a service provider.
Counsellor identity develops throughout a lifespan ; it begins with education and
training, moves into supervision and the process of self-evaluation, and evolves through
ongoing personal reflection within professional practice. Greater self-awareness and the
understanding of self in relationship, teaches the counsellor in training and the
counselling practitioner to navigate through the life events of others with an increased
ability to manage their emotional reactions and feelings of countertransference (NuttWilliams et al., 1997). It provides the counsellor with a stable foundation of personal

19

identity upon which they can continue to build, as he or she maneuvers through his or her
own life events in concurrence with the life events of others. As any foundation that
bears weight, however, it can become weak if not reinforced. According to Griffith and
Frieden (2000), this turning inward to strengthen, acknowledge, and reflect upon who we
are in our practice is what reinforces our foundations and development as counsellors.
The development of counsellor identity begins with recognizing that we are
biologically programmed to attach to others and because ofthis we are impacted and
shaped by our relationships. On one hand this ability to connect can be quite painful , as
it creates an opening for raw emotional impact. Yet, on the other hand, this same
opening invites nurturing relationships that provide guidance and reassurance. In the
supervisee-supervisor relationship this opening is necessary for personal growth and
identity development to occur. Taking time to reflect upon the impact of these
relationships is as important as the attachment itself because the process of reflection
makes room for a greater appreciation for the self. Understanding self in relation to other
broadens personal insight, deepens integrity and promotes internal leadership. Without
the ability to reflect upon these attachments there would be no room created for the self.
Turning inward to uncover the impact of relationships and discover self in relation to
other is what facilitates identity development.

History of Art as Therapy
Visual expression has been used for ritual , education, and influence throughout
history and across the globe. Art connects people and is a way to represent individual's
unique voices. Through art we can speak about the stories of our lives in a way that
encapsulates an experience beyond the verbal realm; a means of encompassing mind,

20
body, and spirit. Art making can be used as an outlet of expression or a place where
transition may occur. The power of art making as a method of re-creating the self and
processing thoughts, feelings, dreams, and behaviours emerged during the first half of the
twentieth century. It derived from the ideology of psychiatry and psychoanalysis, and is
currently being applied within a variety of settings as a modality for healing and
communication. Within the professions of psychology and medicine, psychiatrists and
psychotherapists collectively began to recognize the significance of spontaneous artistic
expression and the value it serves in physical and emotional health as well as personality
development.
Freud ' s ideas regarding visual expression in therapy were influential for the field
of psychiatry (Case & Dalley, 1992). Freud observed that many patients ' most
meaningful remarks were descriptions of visual images and he felt dream interpretation
was a difficult task due to the necessary translation into words (Naumberg, 1955). At this
time psychiatry was beginning to recognize the limitations verbal therapy placed on selfexpression, which served as one of the inspirations for art making and processing as a
modality for treatment (Waller, 1993). While Freud held these thoughts about the need
for visual representation in therapeutic processing, Jung soon began acting on their
implementation.
Carl Jung began interpreting his own ideas about the symbolic role of images in
psychotherapy soon after Freud. Jung opened the door to a re-evaluation of traditional
ways of understanding the individual ' s inner experience by using art as a vivid source of
personal insight and self-analysis (Rubin, 2001 ). For Jung (1964), the purpose of art
making in session was to make unconscious content accessible and bring it closer to the

21
patients' understanding. Jung felt that treatment was in process when the client was able
to dialogue between the conscious and unconscious, in order to achieve psychic
equilibrium (Malchiodi , 2003). He worked with images and symbols to reveal hidden
possibilities and thereby help the client find greater meaning and wholeness in life
(Malchiodi, 2003). Eventually psychotherapists who followed Jung claimed that creative
actualization could be achieved through a dialogue between the individual and the
media (Kagan & Lusebrink, 1978). Educator and psychologist Margaret Naumberg,
who later contributed her own views about spontaneous creative expression in the
psychotherapeutic session, adopted lung's ideas of symbolic expression.
Naumberg, whose training included both Freudian and Jungian approaches,
added that the unconscious thinks and feels in symbolic images and that it is expressed
through spontaneous art (Naumberg, 1955; Ulman, 2001 ). Naumberg stated that when
the client is able "to express his deepest fears , wishes and fantasies on paper or in clay, he
is tapping into the unconscious in the symbolic language of images, which will often
bring to the surface what he dare not say in words" (Waller, 1991 , p. 5). She believed the
image created in the therapeutic setting was a form of spontaneous internal
communication that the client could reveal and explore through the expression and
interpretation of their artwork (Ulman, 2001 ). Naumberg regarded this form of creative
expression as a basic and primary urge directly related to personal growth and emotional
development (Feen-Calligan & Sands-Goldstein, 1996). Naumberg' s teachings
surrounding spontaneity in art making made room for people such as Edith Kramer to
influence theories surrounding art making and mental health.

22
Kramer developed her theory of art making following the teachings ofNaumberg
(Waller, 1991 ). She believed it was the art activity itself that had inherent healing
properties, and stated that "art is a means of widening the range of human experience by
extending life into symbolic content.. . an area wherein experiences can be chosen,
varied, and repeated at will. In the creative act, conflict can be re-experienced, resolved
and integrated" (Waller, 1991 , p. 6). She related to the people she worked with through
their art and considered the art object itself as the container of emotion where emotions
were externalized, symbolized, and sublimated (Waller, 1991 ). Kramer saw the process
of art making as a way to heal the mind and soul by making one aware of their internal
world and giving it a platform to be seen, heard, and organized. Kramer, along with
Naumberg, Jung, and Freud recognized the power of the unconscious and understood that
bringing awareness to this content can heal the mind and motivate change.

Internal Conflict and the Motivation for Change
Like all other organisms, a person is an ordered whole, an intrinsically selfregulating individual seeking growth and need fulfillment (Stevens, 1975). Therefore, in
order for change to happen, the entire person must be considered (thoughts, emotions,
actions, environment, and spirituality). Humans are highly creative beings constantly
changing and striving toward greater levels of potential , actualization, and integration
within themselves and as part of their environment (Woldt & Toman, 2005). Human
change begins with personal awareness and an understanding of our needs from an
intrinsic perspective. Change occurs through an awakening ofthe unconscious,
combined with self-di scovery of intrinsic drive, intuition, and abilities; an elevation of
consciousness (Haber, 2002).

23
When a person is unaware and reactive, he or she is removed from the present
experiences and functions only within his or her cognitive beliefs about the past and
future . Remaining in the cognitive ideas of what should have been or should be, keeps
the individual locked in internal conflict and increases repetitive faulty thinking (Morita,
1998). Change can be difficult because these problematic cognitive beliefs can become
fixed, causing discomfort with, or fear of, change during times of stress (Banmen, 2002).
This narrow thinking inhibits the individual from being in the moment and responding to
his or her needs in healthy ways (Brazier, 1995). According to Chatterji (2009), a
representation of an unorganized internal world can be seen in the mind, overriding the
impulse of the self and trapping the self into a false automatic fixation . When this occurs,
the growth toward a creative fullness of being stops and the self lives out a mechanical
existence following fixed schema based upon fixed principles; in essence, this causes the
true self to go unexpressed and a false self to take over.
According to Morita (1998), people do not have to be stuck in a fixed false self
because each individual possess the internal resources they need to survive and grow.
These researchers believe that humans have the answers to their internal dilemmas and
can discover personal solutions through awareness, bringing unconscious material to
consciousness, and using creativity to problem solving in the present moment. Accessing
the unconscious and discovering ways to problem solve creatively can occur in the
transitional space of play or art. People are motivated by need fulfillment and a desire to
express themselves creatively because it is through this creating and doing that people
find meaning in life (Frankl , 1959). People have the internal resources they need to move
through difficult situations; however, some need a safe space or therapeutic relationship

24
to be able to search inside themselves for their voice and strength. It is through this
transitional space or interpersonal contact and insight where humans may grow and learn
(Horne & Passmore, 1991 ). Within this space or relationship, creative expression can be
used as a vehicle to harness internal resources and help people transition through
challenging times. This therapeutic space can provide the person with a forum to explore
the world through their intuitive creative self where they can develop a solid mind-body
connection (Ulanov, 2001). This mind-body connection integrates the entire person,
where different parts of one being merge to produce a synergy of creative solutions and
information .
The connection between the mind and the body during the process of creative
expression promotes the use of new neurological pathways, making room for the
development of alternative solutions (Chatterji , 2009 ; Chavez-Eakle, Graff-Guerrero,
Garcia-Ryena, Vaugier & Cruz-Fuentes, 2007). This creative flow, or play, is critical for
personality development. It involves combining and generating new possibilities,
experimentation, and an exploration ofthe limits of reality (Chavez-Eakle, 2010). The
creative act of play engages the mind, body, and spirit and offers people a myriad of
creative connections (Legerstee, 2007). Spontaneous creative thinking is an alternative to
intellectual problem solving because it invites novel ways of adapting to our environment
through the mind-body, transforming our internal and external world.
Creativity, regardless of when it occurs in the developmental process, gives
individuals the means to adjust themselves to this external, fixed, universe and reorganize
their internal world. Creativity stimulates self-expression and is the vehicle to explore
inner life (Levine, 2003). Transitional space of play is where spontaneous creativity

25
happens and growth occurs under the most favorable conditions (Guerney, 2001 ). It is a
nonhierarchical, hospitable space that vibrates with the subject' s creative potential where
empowerment may emerge through the assimilation and accommodation of new
information (Broderick and Blewitt, 201 0; Legerstee, 2007; Piaget, 1951; Summers,
2005). This assimilation and accommodation of new information about oneself and the
world is what resolves internal conflict and initiates developmental growth and change.

Creativity, the Brain, and Mental Well-being
Creativity is the ability to express oneself and one' s ideas through behaving and
producing, while remaining present in physical sensations. Through the process of
creativity, humans are constantly becoming, remaking, and rediscovering themselves
(Corey, 2009). They are in flow: growing, experiencing, and learning. By engaging in
creative acts people develop the confidence to face the unknown with the ability to
improvise in that situation (Maslow, 1971 ). Creative expression is a sign of growth and
change that inspires people to view the world in a way they would have otherwise left
undiscovered (Carson, 1999). Art making is a means of widening this range of the human
experience, where conflict can be re-experienced, resolved, and integrated (Waller,
1991). It gives the art maker a voice and the opportunity to provide form to his or her
internal dialogue (Levine, 1992). Finally, the art maker is able to adjust themselves to the
external fixed universe and reorganize his or her internal world, exploring the limits of
reality, developing alternative solutions, and generating new possibilities (Chavez-Eakle,
201 0; Levine, 2003). The creative process has the power to restore internal
disorganization, because it involves the integration of the kinesthetic, sensory, perceptual ,

26
affective, cognitive and symbolic functioning. The expressive therapies continuum
demonstrates how the integrative process of creative healing occurs .

The Expressive Therapies Continuum
Research suggests that art therapy interventions are beneficial for the
reconstitution and rehabilitation of physical impairments, the promotion of mental ,
emotional, and physical healing, and the enhancement of cognitive and emotional growth
(Lusebrink, 2004). The following section provides examples of art expressions and
information processing along the developmentally based model of the Expressive
Therapies Continuum (ETC) . There are four levels ofthe ETC. Levels one contains the
Kinesthetic and Sensory components, level two the Affective and Perceptual components,
and level three the Cognitive and Symbolic components. The fourth level is the Creative
component, which can also be seen at any of the other levels ofthe ETC (Hinz, 2009).
The simplest form of information processing within the ETC begins at the
preverbal level with kinesthetic/sensory experiences (Hinz, 2009). Within the kinesthetic
dimension of the ETC, motor action during art making can be used to express or
discharge energy, develop a sense of bodily rhythms, effectively move one's body
through space, and increase or decrease bodily tension and arousal (Hinz, 2009). In the
sensory dimension, healing can occur when emotions and thoughts are reflected and
attached to a sensory experience. On this level , the mind can relax, initiating the physical
sensations to dominate consciousness. The focused state of attention achieved with
sensory stimulation can prompt people to become more aware of internal sensations by
recognizing and quieting external stimuli . Activating the kinesthetic/sensory level of the
ETC is particularly helpful because it allows the individual to access and organize

27
preverbal content at a later stage in life (Hinz, 2009). It is based on spatial
representation, the most basic modality of expression , and forms the groundwork for
language (Kagan & Lusebrink, 1978; Mandler, 1996). Children, for example, need to
physically manipulate and handle materials in order to form internal images of them.
This vehicle of cognitive development gives them the opportunity to use their whole
body, or parts of it, to solve problems and develop mastery over their environment
(Jennings, Harmon, Morgan, Gaiter, & Yarrow, 1979; Lusebrink, 1991).
Information processing and image formation occurs on the next level of
development, the Perceptual/ Affective level. The affective component sits opposite of
the perceptual component on this level of the ETC. The affective component describes
the emotion aroused and amplified in the individual through the interaction with the art
materials whereas the perceptive component is concerned with structure and the
containment of emotion. The perceptual level emphasizes the formal elements of visual
expression . Information processing at this level occurs in a more sophisticated manner
by combining visual and verbal language to represent internal experiences (Hinz, 2009).
Emotion can be evoked at this stage through the use of art media as well as contained
through a focus on form and creating a safe setting for expression . As children become
more capable of using forms for self-expression, the scribbles that characterized the
earlier stage of graphic expression now become the schema for increasing graphic
sophistication. The repeated creation of regular figures helps children develop schemas
to describe their experiences and their world (Hinz, 2009). Art media can be used at this
stage to express experiences, access and identify emotions, discriminate among different
emotions, and express emotions appropriately.

28
At the third level of the expressive therapy continuum the cognitive/symbolic
dimensions exist. These dimensions occur as opposites where one can override the other,
but work well when they are balanced. Information processed on the cognitive and
symbolic level is complex, as it requires the development of abstract thought and the
ability to symbolize (Kagan & Lusebrink, 1978). At this stage, verbal input is often
required to gather meaning about complex cognitive operations or symbols (Hinz, 2009).
The cognitive dimension contributes to complex thought processes including abstract
concept formation, analytical and logical thought, reality-directed information
processing, sequencing events and time, and the use of verbal self-instructions (Hinz,
2009). The cognitive component includes thought processes that are intentional and
deliberate, requiring a conscious effort at planning, decision-making, sequencing, and
problem solving. It involves the use of mental images of past experiences and future
actions. The healing dimension of this component involves the ability to generalize from
one concept to other situations. The cognitive component of the ETC gives the client a
greater sense of control over their emotions and behaviour because it supports cause-andeffect thinking, planning a course of action, and reflecting on their behaviour (Hinz,
2009). The symbolic component of this level ofthe continuum is concerned with intuition
or mythic thought. This component includes intuitive problem solving, self-discovery,
and self-acceptance. It involves metaphoric representation , and the expression and
resolution of symbols. It is thought that is not wholly known to the creator (Hinz, 2009).
The symbolic dimension of the ETC is healing because the unconscious thinks and feels
in symbolic content that is expressed through spontaneous art expression, a primary urge
directly related to emotional development (Feen-Calligan & Sands-Goldstein, 1996).

29
Symbolism provides the necessary outlet for unconscious information that would
otherwise go unspoken (Naumberg, 1955; Ulman, 2001). Jung (1934) believed that the
creation of symbols was the psyche ' s natural attempt to reconcile inner conflicts and
achieve individuation. Healing through the creation of symbols comes from the ability to
realize layers of personal meaning within the larger context of universal symbols.
Overview of the Expressive Therapies Continuum

Creative (Level)
(Left Hemisphere Brain Functions)

(Right Hemisphere Brain Functions)

Cognitive < - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > Symbolic (Level)
(Component)
(Component)

Perceptual < - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > Affe.:tive (Level)
(Component)
(Component)

e~

e

(Component)

< - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > Sensory (Level)
(Component)

Figure 1. Overview of the Expressive Therapies Continuum
The processes represented on the left and right sides of the ETC (see Figure I)
can be seen as parallel with functioning and information processing differences in the two
hemispheres of the brain (Lusebrink, 2004). The left hemisphere processes information
in an organized, sequential , and linear fashion. It is the part of the brain that holds

30
language, organizes activity, and gives instructions; it is where logical thought and the
labeling and categorizing of information take place (Hinz, 2009) . The right hemisphere
of the brain is where the majority of emotional and conceptual information is processed,
and where spiritual connections are made. The fourth level ofthe ETC, the creative level ,
which may exist at any or all other levels, is what integrates the left and right
hemispheres, fuses inner experience and outer reality, and synthesizes the different
experiential and expressive components of the continuum.
Creativity (the fourth level) has the potential to merge and integrate information
from both hemispheres of the brain by moving the artist through the kinesthetic/sensory,
perceptual/affective, and cognitive/symbolic components ofthe expressive continuum
(Lusebrink, 1990; McNamee, 2004; Riley, 2004). The integration, fusion, and synthesis
initiated by the creative level is what supports self-actualization. According to Hinz
(2009), what may begin as a simple sensory experience can evolve into something
integrative and rich with meaning and emotion. For example, from an activity using a
sensory component, an experience on the perceptual dimension may evolve when forms
are perceived (Hinz, 2009). The symbolic component may be engaged when a perceived
form takes on special meaning and a personal symbol is produced (Hinz, 2009).
The creative experience supports growth towards wholeness, and acknowledges
uniqueness and individuality (lung, 1964). It deepens, and enhances the internal process
of healing because it brings balance, grounding, and a way of being at peace with oneself
(Archibald & Dewar, 2010). According to Levine (1992) , expression is itself
transformational and the meaning of the art exists within the artist, therefore to give
the art in the artist a voice is to find a form in which it can be expressed. According

31
to Johnson (1990), creative experiences can destroy a false sense of self developed in
response to shame, and can reinforce authenticity.
Art making has excitatory and pleasurable effects whereby one can feel joy
through creative input and original imaginative experiences. (Hass-Cohen, 2008; Hinz,
2009). Art making followed by processing and analysis initiates a balancing of the brain
hemispheres. The act of creativity itself initiates brain patterns that are not typically
used, motivating the art-maker to explore and express himself or herself intuitively. This
form of expression is transformative, activating a mind-body connection and initiating
personal growth (Levine, 1992). Through this creative process we are able to develop
mastery over our external environment and gain a sense of confidence within our
everyday functioning.

Art Making as a Modality for Healing
Art invokes the same mental-physical transformative state as play (Handler Spitz,
2009). According to Lusebrink (2004), new combinations of ordinary mental process
are activated through the use of various art media . Art enables the art maker to
explore their internal self and intuition through spontaneous creativity, then deepen their
connections by visually and verbally interpreting their work (Hyland Moon, 2002). It
encourages the person to connect authentically with the self and externalize this
authentic selfthrough the form of artistic expression (Hyland Moon, 2002). From this
experience, one ' s emotional intelligence is stimulated as the image retrieves
memories and associations and engages unique cognitive capacities (Riley, 2004).
Creativity is a basic expression of being, an affirmation of a person ' s own existence.
Individuals pull information from their environment through their senses and integrate

32
this information with what they already know in order to function with precision and
optimal performance (Levine, 2003).
Integration at all levels of the human experience promotes wellbeing and can be
achieved through contemplative creative practice such as art, music, and dance (Siegel,
2010). Levine (1992) supports this by claiming creativity is capable of integrating
opposing forces within the person in order to bring himself or herself to a sense of
wholeness and fulfillment. What fuels this creative drive is the motivation to repair and
restore, to move us from a depressive state to a state of hope (Edwards, 2005). Creativity
moves individuals from the past into the present providing them with opportunity and
options for their future (Levine 2003). Although we aspire to wholeness and integration,
the need to experiment with new forms by breaking up old ones is fundamental to the
human experience and the nature of the creative act (Levine, 2003). Art making itself
allows the individual to make reparations not only to the object but also to the injured
self, promoting restoration (Hymer, 1983). This restoration is necessary for overall
mental and emotional well-being.
Art can contain, organize, and mirror internal relations and the interplay between
people and product (Rubin, 200 I). Art making promotes autonomy and individuation
because it forces the creator to experiment, explore, and master new ways of being in the
world (Malchiodi , 2003). This form of expression can help amplify unresolved
interpersonal issues, develop an emotional vocabulary, and facilitate the development of
self-esteem (Clukey, 2003; Eisdell, 2005; Green & Kolos, 2010; Rubin, 2001).
Spontaneous artistic expression is valuable to physical and emotional health because it
repairs, restores, and reconnects individuals with the self. Art as a modality gives the

33
individual a unique voice to speak about individual narratives in a way that encapsulates
an experience beyond the verbal realm, a means of encompassing mind, body, and spirit.

34

Chapter Three: Methodology
Qualitative, Autoethnography, and Art-Based Inquiry
Introduction.
Historically, understanding of the individual and human nature was arrived at
through scientific methods " where the object of inquiry, the human subject, was viewed
ahistorically and as an unchanging entity that could be observed and quantified, and the
essence of the object of inquiry, human nature, was viewed primarily as an enduring
universal phenomenon" (Anderson, 1997, p. 12). According to these theories a version
of " reality" existed that could explain human beings and the way they lived (Corey, 2009;
Riley, 2000). Institutions were created to preserve this invented reality, students were
instructed about this new "truth", and soon it became a fundamental , socially accepted
concept (Riley, 2000). This conception of knowledge was a scientific theory that
reflected reality outside of historical, social, and cultural contexts (Gergen, 1985).
Later, the postmodern movement demonstrated strategies that complimented the
idea of unique realities and truths that could only be understood through the exploration
of the history and context of the individual (Anderson, 1997). The postmodern
movement opened the world up to the possibility of the individual ' s reality without
disputing whether it was accurate or rational (Corey, 2009). Postmodernism invited a
new range of questions about the potentials of traditional research in relation to cultural
life (Gergen, 2001 ). The postmodern movement supported a social constructionist view
that new understandings evolve from and within "socially negotiated forms of meaning"
(Gergen , 1994, p. 14). This creation of new knowledge and realities, or transformations,
occur within the process of social interchange or discursive practices, an alternative

35
means for understanding science and the evaluation of psychological inquiry (Gergen,
1985; Gergen, 1994). Postmodernism has acted as a theoretical foundation for presentday thoughts and qualitative inquiry.
Currently, there are many definitions of reality and methods of inquiry to discover
truth (Riley, 2000). Through the investigation of authentic and subjective meaning
making we acquire new knowledge and support existing awareness. The goal of research
is to continue to discover the meaning of our core beliefs and come to understand more
about the human experience as well as how transformation is possible (Estrella &
Forinash, 2007). It is to uncover something previously unknown and to bring a new
awareness or new knowledge to a topic. Arts-based research encourages exploration, as
it rediscovers authentic perspectives and voices that have been lost in more traditional
research methodologies (Estrella & Forinash, 2007).
Hillman (1960) makes the point that "science can only measure energy from
without, but only the mind can experience energy from within in its ' true nature" (p. 68).
He claims that only through the act of the creative process of modalities such as poetry,
music, and art can one gain insight into the true nature of being. Conducting a qualitative
art-based autoethnography was the most suitable means to capture my own truth and
make sense of the internal science of emotion. The individualized subjective process of a
qualitative art-based autoethnography is an inclusive and holistic method of making sense
of my experiences within the culture of counsel! ing and art therapy that has left me with
greater insight into my own process of meaning making.

36

Qualitative research methodology.
By definition, qualitative research is science, born out of the concern to
understand "other" . In the example below, Denzin and Lincoln (2000) expand on this
description of qualitative research.
A situated activity that locates the observer in the world ... consisting of a
set of interpretive material practices that transform the world and makes it
visible.. . Qualitative research involves an interpretive, naturalistic
approach to the world ... meaning that qualitative researchers study things
in their natural settings, attempting to make sense of, or interpret,
phenomena in terms of the meanings people bring to them . (p. 3)
Qualitative inquiry includes the subjective experience by seeking out the "why"
of its research topic in order to help inform practice.
A qualitative researcher relies on the views of participants, asks broad, general
questions, collects data in the form of words or images, pulls themes from this data and is
able to conduct inquiry in a subjective manner (Creswell , 2008). Qualitative research
emphasizes the importance of the participant' s views, considers the setting or context,
highlights personal meaning, and recognizes that research has a role in advocating for
change (Creswell , 2008) . This approach is used to gain insight into people ' s attitudes,
behaviours, value systems, concerns, motivations, aspirations, culture or lifestyle.
Qualitative research was important to use for my project because it presents an alternative
to the historically objective forms of scientific research ; creativity is encouraged and the
essence ofthe participant is respected .

Autoethnography as method.
Autoethnography refers to the process as well as the product of writing about the
personal and its relationship to culture (Ellis, Adams, & Bochner, 2011 ). It is an
autobiographical genre of writing and research that displays multiple layers of

37
consciousness which appear in a variety of forms such as short stories, poetry, fiction,
novels, photographic essays, the written essay, journals, and fragmented writing (ScottHoy & Ellis, 2008). Autoethnographers showcase concrete action, dialogue, emotion,
embodiment, spirituality, and self-consciousness. These features appear as relational
stories revealed through actions, feelings, thoughts, and language (Cole & Knowles,
2008). This form of inquiry expands on qualitative research methods, as it connects a
very personal account of the researcher's self to the broader cultural context by creating
room for subjectivity, emotionality, and the researcher' s influence on research (Ellis,
Adams, & Bochner, 2011; Foster, McAllister, & O' Brien, 2006). Muncey (2005)
demonstrates this in her autoethnographic research, as it extended beyond contributing to
a body of knowledge which helps inform practice, to an embodiment of knowledge that
helps inform self. According to Muncey (2005), the method is as important as the
outcome of the research because it is a shift from the traditional participant observation to
a more authentic and experiential, observation ofthe participant.
Autoethnography as method incorporates a rich inclusion ofphysical feelings,
thoughts, and emotions in order to expose a vulnerable self through the context and
complexity of lived experience (Muncey, 2005). Ellis (1997) displays this desire well in
her paper Evocative Autoethnography: Writing Emotionally about Our Lives:
Death and illness and other dramatic life experiences; my continuing
passion for sociological imagination , an ethnographic approach, and an
engaging story: all have pushed me to follow my 'wanderlust' and try to
connect social science to literature, academic interests to personal ones,
emotions to cognitions, and social life to the concrete living of it. .. .I find
autoethnographic stories, stories that focus on the self in social context, an
appropriate form in which to accomplish these goals. (p. 117)

38
Culture is the product of interactions between self and others in a community of
practice where the individual becomes a basic unit (Chang, 2008). According to Ellis and
Bochner (2000), autoethnography is an autobiography "that self-consciously explores the
interplay ofthe introspective, personally engaged self with cultural descriptions mediated
through language, history, and ethnographic explanation" (p. 46). According to Gergen
(1991 ), the view of the self is an individual having personal depth; passion, soul ,
creativity, and moral fiber where feeling, emotion, and intuition are considered integral.
The self is fragile and interdependent with others, where one's sense of autonomy gives
way to a reality of immersed interdependence. It is in this reality that the relationship is
then able to construct the self (Gergen, 1991 ). Through this interdependent relationship,
culture is established, developed, and modified.
The study of self-narratives is one way in which the individual can relate to others
because it encourages the reader to compare and contrast his or her life with the lives of
others. This activity of compare and contrast engenders self-examination and selflearning (Chang, 2008). Whether seeing self through others or against others, the study
of self-narratives is beneficial to personal as well as cultural understanding. Whether
others are members of one' s own community or other communities, this discovery
initiates a better understanding of self through the recognition of shared values or
differences (Chang, 2008).
I chose to use autoethnography as method because it promotes the expression of
self as an extension of community rather than an independent being. Furthermore, it
encourages an intimate and personal account of experience in order to reflect self within
culture, a method that is fitting for my current means of self-expression. In this research

39
project my data is a direct reflection and extension of my experiences of a series of
interviews shared with mental health professionals. In essence, my project is based on
the belief that understanding others will encourage me to better understand myself.

Art-Based Inquiry
The use of expressive media in autoethnography.
An art-based approach to research offers an alternative to the dominant discourses
within theory and research (Estrella & Forinash, 2007). It is a discourse that
encompasses a holistic and integrated perspective, which typically involves an integration
of different methods of inquiry (McNiff, 1998). Art-based research practices encourage
researchers to share their relationship to their work, which creates new ways of thinking
about traditional methods of research (Leavy, 2009). Researchers working with these
new tools are merging their interests while creating knowledge based on resonance and
understanding (Leavy, 2009).
Art-based researchers seek to sculpt and engage holistic, passionate research
practices that bridge the artist and researcher with the research and audience (Leavy,
2009). The art-based autoethnography creates a method of inquiry that incorporates
different modalities for self-expression that are less constraining than language and
syntax. It supports the essence ofselfto be present in alternative outlets that are equally
as valid as the spoken or written word. According to Grushka (2007) it is a structure and
method of inquiry that sits in between the essence of self and the expression of that
essence. This structure integrates the researcher-artist and the research-audience because
the self is present in all aspects of the process and product.

40
Art-based autoethnography honours the deepening that occurs within the creative
process to provide substance to the qualitative research. It facilitates the use of the senses
in creating a process, which provides a rich source of data capable of describing tactile,
visual , and sensorial experiences (Barbera, 2009). This approach provides aesthetic
qualities that infuse the inquiry. In addition, it demonstrates a holistic understanding of
the research and allows the researcher to be present entirely throughout the research by
producing knowledge through a passion for aesthetics (Barone & Eisner, 1997; Cole &
Knowles, 2008). The use of expressive media converts data into experiences that readers
can connect with and moves people to think about their own lives through an aesthetic
response to the creative work of another.
Art-based inquiry reaches across boundaries to make connections, and
experiments with alternative ways to transform what exists in our consciousness into a
public form that others can take in and understand (Eisner, 1997). It highlights the
production of aesthetic essence through spontaneous and fluid "visual texts", free from
the constraints of language and culturally specific words. Visual arts can give an
autoethnography more evocative power and encourage empathy and engagement in its
readers. Rather than the researcher simply explaining the art, the audience is encouraged
to stay in the imagination of the image, which helps them find greater personal meaning
in what they see. It provides them with a knowing of the subjective human experience
that "transcends pure vision and secularity and privileges other senses including touch,
hearing, and taste" (Denzin, 1997, pg. 46).

41

Concluding thoughts.
Being a person who uses movement and art making to express myself, I felt
bound by the limitations in the traditional research methods of academia, as educational
institutions can limit the expression of creativity within academic research. It became
increasingly important for me to be able to adapt the institutional guidelines of academic
research, heavily weighted in writing, to fit my way of self-expression. I wanted to make
the experience of writing this project as authentic as the method in which I chose to
conduct it. Essentially, autoethnography as method gave me the freedom to include my
whole self within my research , as it creates room for thoughts, emotions, and senses.
In order to create authenticity in my autoethnographic research, I included art
making as a means of communicating and interpreting my lived experience. I chose this
because it applies directly to my scope of therapeutic practice and method of selfexpression. Currently, I am completing a 15-month art therapy postgraduate diploma
program where I have had the opportunity to create my own art as a method of processing
my life experiences. By expressing myself through art making I could articulate thoughts
and emotions I would otherwise have had difficulty accessing. It was a process that
included both intuition and uncensored emotion, a process that cultivated honesty and
transparency. It was my intention, through the experience of this qualitative art-based
autoethnographic research, to capture similar insights and sense of knowing through a
meaningful and familiar process. It was my hope that through the art making experience
and the analysis of this experience that I might articulate a deeper understanding of self.

42

Process
Constructing reality through art.
An effective artist is able to position himself or herself as both creator and
audience and through critical reflection, examine and validate self-knowledge (Grushka,
2007). For artists, reflective orientations are essential between the affective self,
engagement with their medium, and their socially constructed ways of knowing. In a
social constructionist framework identity is not perceived as something stable but rather it
is thought of as being continually constructed and reconstructed in a relational context
(du Preez & Roos, 2008). This qualitative art-based autoethonography demonstrates this
construction of identity through the multiple layers of the research process. Not only was
identity discovered through co-constructed meaning initiated through the stories ofthe
participant compared and contrasted with my experiences, but it was further uncovered
through the relationship between myself and my reflective artwork.
Within the paradigm of art therapy this relationship of discovery and meaning
making exists in a triangle (see Figure 2), where insight and information is exchanged
back and forth between the therapist and the client, the therapist and the art, and the client
to art, where the art is at the apex (Schaverien, 2000).

Artwork

Figure 2. Art Therapy Relationship of Discovery and Meaning Making

43
With relevance to this project I have adapted this model so that the subjects at each axis
are changed from client, therapist, and artwork as expressed in Figure 2. , to interviewees,
researcher-art maker, and artwork.
As demonstrated by Dalley, Rifkind, and Terry (1993), each ofthese three
relationships create new meaning as they interact and exchange information. Within this
triad the artwork is as alive as the interviewees and the researcher-art maker, and has a
voice that is just as profound. The art itself evokes an aesthetic response from the art
maker, as though it is its own entity in which interpersonal dynamic exists. The
significant focal point of this project is the power that the life of the artwork has to
influence, organize, and impact personal and professional identity. Schaverien (2000)
refers to the power of the artwork to influence as the life in and of the picture. The life in
the picture refers to the life that fuels the process of making the image, and the life ofthe
picture is the life of the picture as object, once it is made. The artwork is a powerful
catalyst within this triad that prompts emotional and cognitive processing and is just as
significant as the interviewee and the research-art maker.
Transference is regarded as an unconscious projection of feelings onto another,
which originates in repressed or unfinished situations of one's life. According to
Malchoidi (2003), transference occurs in both art and verbal exchange, as the art maker
develops an emotional connection to the art expression. Within this project it became
evident that my attachment to the stories of the participants evolved into an attachment to
the artwork I created; an organized symbolic reflection of myself within their stories.
The transference that I experienced from listening to the interviews of the participants is

44
given life and embodied in the artwork, and the transference I experienced as a result of
interacting with the artwork is embodied within the aesthetic analysis.
Research process.

Step 1: Create a reflective, self-locating art piece prior to the interviews.
In order to self-locate at the beginning of this project it was necessary for me to
explore my identity prior to the interviews . Therefore, I created an art piece that reflected
my current personal and professional identity. For this art piece, I applied the same
aesthetic analysis that was prescribed for the other art pieces; however, rather than
reflecting upon the research question I reflected on the question " Who am I as a

counsellor?". This initial art piece gave me a baseline from where I could begin this
process, a symbolic representation of who I was at the beginning of this project. It was a
piece that I could look back on after processing each interview and witness the transition
that was taking place.

Step 2: Listen to the interviews of experienced mental health practitioners.
While listening to the interviews, I was comparing and contrasting my personal
experiences with counselling alongside those of the interviewees. The information that I
attached to were the segments of their stories that applied to my own lived experiences,
and triggered a strong emotional response. I could see I was being impacted significantly
through the intimate details of their stories. These stories were emotional and
informative, and resonated with me on many level s of the human experience. The
valuable wisdom from these interviews was merging with my worldview, altering the
way I was looking at the profession and my connections with others.

45
After hearing the stories of others and reflecting on my own identity as a
counsellor and art therapist I felt compelled to process this new knowledge through the
creation of an expressive art piece. Through this art piece I organized my existing life
story alongside the experiences of the interviewees, which made room for my new,
integrated identity to emerge. It was important for me to make sense of this external
information by pulling it inward and applying it to what I already understood about
myself as well as the helping profession. The thought of creating an image was exciting
because I was able to use multidimensions of myself by extending the experience into art
making and uncovering new possibilities. After listening to the interviews I asked myself
the research question: How do the stories of other informal and formal mental health

practitioners inform my identity as a counsellor and art therapist in training? I then
moved into the process of decentering.

Step 3: Decentering.
Decentering is the act of leaving the everyday situation and entering into a
devotional space for a period of time, an alternative experience of the everyday world. It
is the process of leaving the narrow logic of thinking to enter the logic of the imagination
in order to expand the range of play (Knill , 2005). This is where I transitioned from the
position of listener-observer to the position of artist in the creative process. As the artist,
I was no longer in the " habitual world experience" of listening to the interviews, instead I
moved into the imagination , where the surprising and unexpected emergence of ideas and
emotions surfaced (Knill, 2005).
In the imaginary space things are unpredictable, yet they still possess logic and
are open to unexpected solutions. Decentering from the presenting situation required that

46
I abandon my false beliefs and habitual method of perception. It invited spontaneity and
intuition through a distancing effect, inviting me to exit out of personal, cultural,
historical , and situational restrictions (Knill, 2005). It also provided me with time in
transitional space to pause and discover, rather than hastily moving into automatic
thoughts and fixed beliefs. Images that manifested when listening to the interviews
surfaced in this stage ofthe process and I could focus on them without much
concentration (Von Franz, 1993). According to Von Franz (1993), this place of balance
between the emerging image and the tension necessary to attend to this image requires
patience and relaxation. I studied the available art materials and chose the medium to
which I was drawn, then begin creating the image.

Step 4: Creating the image.
The images of art express the soul in all of its manifestations. According to
McNiff (1992), the idea of images as messengers of the soul in its deep aspects requires
that we develop a way to work with the image that does justice to them. James Hillman
(1960) promotes the idea of staying with the image in order to remain present with
sounds, gestures, body movements, feelings , environments, and other aspects of art.
Hillman (1960) believes when one leaves the image, he or she leaves the context and
presence of the soul. Art facilitates the freeing of the imagination by taking the raw
materials of one' s life experiences and forming them into a significant whole, where the
self is created and the personality becomes the work of art (Levine, 1992).
Spontaneous expression is most useful when an individual is undergoing a
significant life event, as these expressions reveal not only unconscious material, but also
the psyche ' s intuition and the individual ' s internal curative potential (Malchiodi, 2003).

47
Imagination creates openings to address what is not necessarily presented in everyday life
scenarios (Knill, 2005). Creating the image gave a voice to the unconscious content
within myselfthat surfaced through the interviews. Through the open-ended exploratory
nature of image making anything was possible. Spontaneous art expressions were
sources of transformation, as they "destructured" my existing identity they "restructured"
my newly informed self (Levine, 2003). Throughout this process I was able to take parts
of my story and parts of the participants' stories and combine them within the art where a
new narrative was created.
The images that arose from my spontaneous drawing, painting, or sculpting became
the essence of each interview. Remaining with the image and continuing to explore
through active imagination, allowed me to amplify and understand this essence in a
visceral way. At this point, remaining open and engaged with the arriving image was
necessary. It is at this stage of the creative process where structure and form can take the
place of internal disorder (Knill , 2005). Once the artwork was complete I continued to
explore the image through active engagement in the aesthetic analysis.

Step 5: The aesthetic analysis.
Holding art-making at the focus , rather than moving into psychological
frameworks which involve explanations and interpretations, keeps the art maker in the
realm of exploration and description (Levine, 2003). This art-based perspective
encompasses the psychological dimensions of the interaction without reducing or
containing the creative process (Levine, 2003). There was an excitement and curiosity
that accompanied the art-making that kept me focused on the process and interested in the
final product. Maintaining focus on the art is what held me in the realm of possibility.

48
Working in the arts is primary, whereas understanding the impact ofthis work
comes afterward through reflection and analysis. Staying with the art piece and
continuing to push the image further yields much more information than simply
explaining the work of art (Levine, 2003). Remaining present and dialoguing with the
image holds it as a living entity capable of informing the viewer; it is a way of listening
to the image, while retaining its spontaneity, depth, and imagination rather than trying to
explain it or talk about it (McNiff, 1998). When we make meaning out of the art too soon
it does not leave work in its potential; therefore the art and wisdom in the experience
loses its potency. It is desirable if we stay in the imagination for as long as possible in
order that the creativity opens toward something else: insight, information about self, and
the creation of space where there was no space before. Focusing on questions that allow
the art maker to stay in the imagination encourages the art maker to remain in the
phenomenon in order to have an interaction with their work. (H. Dawson, personal
communications, July 201 0) .
I developed a means of interpreting my art pieces based on Paolo Knill's (2005)
aesthetic analysis so that I could continue in the realm of the imagination and the art
piece, in essence, could speak for itself. It was a process of extending the experience of
art making by engaging with the art piece through a series of guided questions. In this
case, I was shaping the experience by responding to the art piece and developing a bridge
between the imaginative and real world experience. Through the image, I was able to
explore imagination-based possibilities without the literal consequences (Knill, 2005).
The image was an alternative reality that was safe for me to alter or to enhance with

49
whatever ideas came up through the creative process. I could get angry, test alternate
outcomes, or even make a mess if I felt such an urge.
The aesthetic analysis is the stage of the process where the art is waiting to be
recognized through validation and presentation (Knill, 2005). At this point, I noted as
much as I could about the artwork and process of creating and avoided reducing the
image to generalizations. Observations were stated concretely, pointing out things,
qualities, actions, and structures in order to add subjective perceptions, and uncover any
" blind spots" or surprises (Knill, 2005). The sections in this step of the process with their
corresponding questions included:
1.

Exploring the surface of the work: What do you notice about the image
(textures, colours, forms, materials)?

2. Exploring the process of shaping: What was surprising in the emergence of the
work?

3. Exploring the experience of creating the art from beginning to end and
including physical and psychological conditions: What happened emotionally?
What happened physically?
4. What does the work say? How is it significant?: If the work could speak what
would it say and how would yo u respond? Give the artwork a title.

Step 6: Harvesting.
In this stage ofthe process I we nt back to the research question and asked if
anything from the aesthetic experience and analysis informed the question. It was here
that I merged the imaginative experience with the aesthetic analysis and research question
in order to find clarification and understanding (Knill, 2005). Special attention was given

50
to the way in which the creative experience and the merging of my story with the stories
ofthe interviewees resulted in a new reality and altered identity. Within the harvesting
phase, the logic of imagination, demonstrated through the symbolism found in the art,
facilitated a merging ofmyselfwith others and the art. In doing so, this phase provided
clarity and restructuring.

51

Chapter 4: Findings
This section provides examples of the six pieces of artwork that were created after
listening to the audio recorded interviews of formal and informal mental health
practitioners. These pieces were analyzed for their meaning, significance, as well as
aesthetic impact. Quotes from the aesthetic analysis were pulled during this process and
used in this section to support the findings. I examined the initial art piece that was used
to self-locate before listening to the interviews for the purpose of identifying who I was
as a counsellor in training when beginning this project. Finally, the summarized findings
for each art piece will then be discussed.

The Eye of the Storm
To begin my self-locating art piece (see Figure 3) I used chalk pastels. Chalk is a
familiar material , one that I most often reach for when initiating an art piece. Chalk on
paper gives me the freedom of movement while at the same time providing a sense of
containment through the physical resistance of the material itself. Pastels are less fluid
than paint and more malleable than clay. It is a material that I find enjoyable to work
with and easy to control, where I can comfortably release emotion and physical energy.
I was excited to begin this initial art piece. The landscape that came from within
was serene. As I continued to work with the chalk for close to an hour, my body began to
relax. Eventually I switched from chalk to ink and paint, as I was craving a medium that
gave me more flexibility. The image that surfaced surprised me, a tornado plowing
through a tranquil landscape.
I am out of control , circling forward rapidly and knocking over everything
in sight ... a force with no direction or outlet ... I am kind but careless. I
only look forward , focusing solely on the potential of what lies ahead.
Inside I am dark and confused ... disconnected from the beauty around me.

52

Figure 3. The Eye of the Storm.

53

A feeling of anxious energy combined with emptiness began to surface during the
later stages of this image making. It was honest and telling, reflecting a truth about
myself that was unexplored. It was so powerful that I had an urge to abandon the image
altogether. At the same time the image drew me in. I felt compelled to stay and study the
details. This piece brought a reality to this process that was not present until the art
making began. I recognized that in order for this autoethnography to be truly authentic, I
needed to be transparent, regardless of the thoughts, feelings , or image that surfaced
through the art making.
Looking at you makes me feel insecure, anxious, and out of control. I see
your potential but you lack direction, self-control , and the ability to
manage your energy. You will get tired, and eventually you will have to
slow down and look back at the impression you have made on this earth .
What will happen to the dark place inside when you are forced to stop?"
Despite the uncomfortable feelings that surfaced through the creation of this
piece, I appreciated the image for its honesty and ability to extract a very private side of
myself. By having this living document, this authentic reflection of my inner being, I
could no longer deny the parts of myself that I often kept hidden.
It is the perfect symbol , a tornado ... an image that clearly represents how I
feel about my practice and myself. I care deeply but feel completely
disorganized. I lack the ability to call on skills that I have when I need
them and use them effectively. I become impatient, fearful , and guided by
external pressures. I am having a hard time balancing, grounding,
centering and looking inward for answers. I lack a strong foundation and
understanding of myself in this profession. I feel a division exists inside
myself between what I think is right and what I feel is right. I am
scattered. I want clarity. I need to reflect.

54

Building Capacity, Community, and Connections

Figure 4a. Building Capacity, Community, and Connections.

55

Figure 4b. Building Capacity, Community, and Connections.

56
This interview brought up opposing feelings of certainty, as well as rigidity and
fear, therefore, I chose materials that would physically reflect these alternate emotions. I
used wood and nails because of their strength and endurance, as well as magazine
pictures because the image was provided for me with little room for my creative input.
Once the nails were hammered into the wooden background, I felt an urge to wrap string
tightly around a circle of nails that sat at the centre of the piece.
I need to remain open but want to create a well-defined centre with a thick
boundary line. Impenetrable strength. Nobody can hurt me if I am in
here. I continued to wrap string around and around and around the circle
of nails in the centre, feeling closed-in and protected. Contained. Lonely
and alone. My stomach and shoulders are tense.
This interview brought up feelings of flexibility and connection, a softness that I
felt could be best expressed through the use of interweaving string. The layers within this
art piece (see Figure 4a and Figure 4b) reflected the many layers that exist within the
human experience such as family , health, work, and community. The nails wrapped with
string represented supportive connection to others. The strings are located beside,
diagonal to, and interwoven within one another, expressing the complexity of
relationships. This piece reinforces the importance of making connections, diffusing the
power of one by empowering many, and surrendering the need for control. Stability of
self exists when strong connections are made to others within our community and
reciprocity exists throughout. By sharing knowledge with others and making
connections, community is strengthened and resources are shared. This is how one builds
communities, capacity, or authentic connections.
Resist this urge to close yourself off and see what might happen. Trust and
let go. Relax, take a deep breath and let go. Allow yourself to feel
vulnerable. Be curious. You don't have to be the best. Share knowledge.
Give. Take risks. Ask for help.

57

What Matters Most?

Figure Sa. What Matters Most?

58

Figure Sb. What Matters Most?
The art media I chose after listening to this interview were magazine cut outs and
paint, two unique materials that evoked two different emotions. The magazine cut outs
reflected feelings that surfaced around frustration and inflexibility. I. became irritable
while searching through these images because I had difficulty finding the one ' s that I
thought would fit best, an experience that truly captured the feelings of frustration that
came up while listening to the interview. I chose paint because it best elicited uncertainty
and unpredictability, two additional feelings that were evoked while listening to the
interview.
The prominent theme of this image analysis (see Figure 5a and Figure 5b) was the
idea of the helpless helper. This image depicts the helper outside of a community that

59
desperately needs help, but has no way in. It shows the helper on the outskirt watching a
community cycling through pain; the helper has ideas of how to help, but no connection
to trust gained from , or relationship with the people within. This helper can be extremely
skilled and capable, but without the connection to the community there is little that can be
done.
Standing at the edge with an aching desire to help but having no way in.
Watching the suffering cycling, and having no way to get inside. The
boundaries are thick.
This image shows strength from within, something the helper sees but cannot tap
into. Having the eagle at the centre of the page shows the healing cannot occur from the
outside if it is not supported from within. There is awareness that health ex ists at the
centre of suffering. The counsellor, who is " other", sits on the perimeter, helping when
invited in, but at the same time recognizes her role in relation to this community.
My centre is love, family , laughter, and tradition. Beyond there is chaos
and confusion, people spiraling into illness, pulled away by painful
emotions, then spiraling back into health, and out again . We invite the
helper in every now and she brings in her wisdom about healing ... but it is
exactly that, HER wisdom. Health must to come from the self, where the
most profound wisdom is located. Desperate to help and change the cycle
that exists, she waits patiently
This art piece demonstrates that change takes time and what is best for some may
not be best for all. This piece speaks to the idea of focusing less on the need to change the
larger situation and more on being comfortable with feelings of helplessness. As well as
recognizing the little changes that happen from moment to moment.
At times I see myself as the one sitting on the periphery, wanting
desperately to help people and heal communities. But helping and healing
cannot be forced upon someone who is not ready. To be patient and
available when I am needed, while accepting and supporting is my role.
Reflecting upon and monitoring my own needs is mandatory so that they
are not projected onto others.

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Leading with the Heart

Figure 6a. Leading with the Heart.

61

Figure 6b. Leading with the Heart.

As I listened to this interview I felt a sense of being tom apart, pulled in different
directions. I created a graphic three-dimensional symbol showed a struggle that could be
seen from many angles. This image depicted a struggle between head (the thinking
mind) and heart (intuition and passion) as well as the effects of compassionate fatigue. It
shows a person who is being pulled in so many different directions that she is unable to
commit fully to the one thing she is most passionate about, genuine interpersonal
connection.

62
My head is what pulls me back to the logistics, the responsibilities that are
so far removed from my heart. My head tears me away from the things
that I love. It pulls me in a hundred different directions and with this
comes expectations then resentment.
This internal dialogue is ongoing for me. It is an ongoing struggle because the
expectations and external pressures are abundant. The challenge is to find the balance
between the head and the heart

~ e there is an authentic way of working and being in

the world. Intuition provides strength and a sense of knowing that is different from
thoughts. This is a source of replenishment and clarity.
This art piece reflects and amplifies what currently exists in my life. The
final product was an accurate symbolic representation of my current
situation. It stands there as a direct reflection of my self where there exists
a division of head and heart, and a desire for integration and balance. This
is where I sit.

A Coat of Many Colours
This art piece brought forward the idea of the ever-changing profession of
counselling where both strength and flexibility are required in order to survive within a
system that can be ridged. For the creation of this art piece I was drawn to materials that
were strong but malleable, rich with colour and texture, and rigid in structure. For this
piece I used different fabrics , wood , and metal. This art piece identified the importance of
developing competence and confidence in order to adapt to unique situations. Truly
knowing oneself, including one' s strengths and limitations, is the best way to prepare for
the unexpected. This particular art piece demonstrated that, depending on the mandate of
the workplace and the needs of the client, the counsellor might have to adapt in order to
be helpful. This ability to move beyond the boundaries ofajob description and pull from
skills and knowledge is what fosters adaptability in the workplace.

63

Figure 7. A Coat of Many Colours.

64

I recognize it is my fear of doing something wrong or failing to please my
agency that creates uncertainty and confusion. I get taken by the outward
noise, my anxiety, and the external push of the system and lose myself in
the process. It' s as though I don 't trust myself to do the right thing and
look to policy and procedures for redirection. This eventually leads to
further complications because policies and procedures are not meant to be
flexible. I need to move away from somebody else ' s idea of perfection
because I will never be good enough. Authenticity and integrity in the
face of adversity and uncertainty.
Maintaining boundaries with compassion creates a responsible caregiver. Having
confidence in others, helping but not enabling, can support people through change .
Discovering inner strength, integrity, and identity creates an inner foundation that
promotes confidence and competence. In a world with regulations and barriers, inner
strength acts as a guide. When policy outweighs common sense this internal foundation
is a navigational tool that can be used to maneuver through difficult and demanding
circumstances.
This particular art piece encouraged me to slow down, something I recognized
needed to happen in both my personal and professional life. It forced me to listen to the
entire mind-body experience, and remain open to the teachings that existed in the process
from beginning to end . In each part, I discovered more about what is truly important
within the helping profession, knowing oneself (strengths and limitations) and trusting
one ' s intuition and common sense as opposed to depending solely on external policies
and controls.
This process was about appreciating the little details and respecting the
time it took to complete the goal. The art making took a long time and so
I began to appreciate the learning that was happening throughout and
discovering joy in the little struggles and accompli shments. The impact of
the final product was profound, as it reinforced that empathy, compassion ,
boundary setting, integrity, respect for self and others, and authenticity are
the backbone to the profession of counselling.

65

Pull Me Back In

Figure 8. Pull Me Back ln.

66
After listening to this interview I came across a stack of photographs that I had
been carrying around with me for a couple of weeks. This interview spoke to a part of
myself with which I needed to reconnect. These photographs were the perfect medium
for the subsequent art piece because they were visual documents of the experiences and
relationships that shaped my values and moral development.
I spent a significant amount of time looking through photos I had available
of family and friends. Flipping through the photographs trying to decide
which pictures I would include ended up taking two hours as I spent time
reflecting on memories. With intention I placed each person on the paper
to create the image, reflecting on how they have impacted my life.
Placing the images on the page gave me time with each memory.
At times sadness followed the joy because the memories brought forth a
realization that I had abandoned many old passions, friendships, and interests. After the
initial sadness came anger and frustration; I was grieving.
I forget to pull myself back in and get caught up in the rapid pace of the
world around me. I become reactive and lonely, obsessed with what
should and could be, forgetting what is. My vision narrows and I plow
forward with no end in sight. I complete one trivial goal after the other,
like I'm frantically stalking the shelves in a huge department store that is
never going to open. Spinning in circles, preoccupied with errands of little
importance. I feel lost and out of touch, sad that the memories are distant
and foggy. Who am I? What is important to me? Who do I care about and
who really cares about me?
This was a process of looking back, remembering the people and experiences that
gave me a deep sense of belonging during a time when I was happier. Going to school
for counselling provides one with a basic guideline of how to practice; however
experiences, interests, and connection to people and place all contribute to making a
counsellor authentic in his or her practice. Creating this art piece connected me to a time
when I felt balanced and strong. It reintroduced me to my passions and the people who
have impacted my life. It reminded me that I chose the profession of counselling through

67
a progression of memorable experiences and encounters and it is these experiences that
have ultimately shaped the way I wish to practice this profession. This art piece reflected
the ego, a part of me that becomes concerned with being liked by others and recognized
as an effective helper. However, when I am preoccupied with my ego, I often deny
myself the relationships, interactions, and experiences that give me strength, happiness,
and health. This process has been about rediscovery. It has provided me with the
opportunity to look back on my life and rediscover who I am as a community member
and a counsellor.
Look at yourself, who you are, who you have become. Look at all the
people who have influenced you, who care deeply about you and who you
care deeply about. This is the making of you up to this point. You are
your parents, your grandparents, and siblings. You are reflected in your
partners and the friends who surround you. You are empowered by your
natural environment and feel a great sense of joy being in the wilderness.
You need physical exercise because it balances your active mind. You are
social. Being a community member brings you happiness. You recreate
yourself through your relationships with others and reflect on this
recreation through nature-based activities. This is your cycle of growth.
This is what keeps you centered and mindful. In this state you will
continue to grow and enjoy life. In this state you are able to digest and
balance your mental, physical , emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Seeing the Forest from the Trees
I wanted to keep this art piece simple so that I could capture a greater depth of
insight without getting overwhelmed by the art making materials. I was drawn to work
with paint, as I felt it would best compliment the feeling of flexibility that was elicited
while listening to the interview. I gathered from the interview the themes of openness to
the unknown and trusting the process, which became apparent for me while choosing the
art medium.

68

Figure 9. Seeing the Forest from the Trees.

69
I was immediately drawn to the paint, as I felt a sense of connection,
growth, movement, and flow. I needed a medium that would allow me to
create an image that was both bold and fluid without overcomplication.
Ordinarily, I find paint unpredictable, a material that controls me more
than I control it. However, during the creation of this image, I felt the
control was equally distributed with a slight teetering back and forth
throughout the art making process. It was in this teetering that I could
take the time I needed to let go of control and invite the unknown .
Eventually the paint and I were working off each other to create the image.
This process informed me in many ways, beginning with the feeling that was
elicited during the interview, the feeling of mindfulness. Being able to maintain this state
throughout the art making and analysis was surprising, as the entire process lasted several
hours. Perhaps it was just the right amount of time needed in order for me to feel
comfortable in a not knowing stance.
You have little control over the impact you will leave on others. You can
only remain open and comfortable with uncertainty. You create strength
in self, others, and community when you are able to open yourself up to
possibility and the unexpected. Being closed, rigid, guarded, and full of
fear will only make you ineffective as a person and professional. Be open
to what naturally comes your way, what is meant to be and what others see
in you that perhaps you are not able to see in yourself.
A tree was the symbol that developed through this image. It has been an ongoing
theme in my work, a visible touchstone that represents the natural world.
The tree...
represents patience, strength, longevity, growth,
connectedness, stability, and support. It is a place where one can be
protected from the elements, or take a rest when they are tired. The tree
provides us with a visible place to gather and gives us medicine. In a
world that vibrates with anxiety and intensity, the tree, whether it sits in
the middle of a city or a forest , gives us permission to relax, breath, or take
moment to reflect. It reminds us that we are not separate from each other
or our natural world .
These interviews, followed by the art making process and analysis have made a
significant impact on my self. The interviews provided me with valuable information
about a way of being in the world that spoke to my personal and professional identity.

70
The process of art making followed by the aesthetic analysis was necessary for me to
maintain, release, and respond to the feelings that were uncovered while listening to the
interviews on a sensory, emotional , and cognitive level. Being able to sit back and take
in the completed art pieces allowed the insights from these interviews and art making
process to resonate in a profound way. It provided me with a way of knowing about
relationships, interactions with others, and life that are beyond words. It has provided me
with an opening to process information about my self through art making and aesthetic
analysis in order to further develop my identity.

71

Chapter 5: Summary
For counsellors in training, understanding how professional identity is formed is
essential, as this can be a time of chaos and disorganization, but also a time wherein there
lies growth and learning. Identity formation is a self-transcending process where one
extends beyond who he or she was before and in that emergence becomes a new entity
developing new patterns (Wilber, 1996). Experimenting with new forms by breaking up
old ones has an element of discomfort but it is a fundamental part of the human
experience (Levine, 1994 ). It is a time of transition in which locating self for a sense of
personal truth is an ideal way to manage this discord. Eventually out of this uncertainty
confidence develops as well as a counsellor who is better informed. This project was
created as a way for me to track and process my identity development after the impact
and influence of narratives from other mental health practitioners.
Supervision within counselling programs is essential to counsellor identity
development, because it teaches the counsellor in training to reflect upon and evaluate
self within service (Mulhauser, 2011 ). Supervisees often begin their therapeutic practice
in a state of anxiety and confusion where they are dependent and fuse with their
supervisors (Watkins, 1990). Within this project, the interviewee-researcher relationship
was similar to that of the supervisor-supervisee. The formal and informal, experienced
mental health workers who were interviewed represented the supervisor, holding greater
knowledge and experience, while I, the researcher, was coming into the process much
like a supervisee, with less experience, and feelings of anxiety . In my first, self-locating
image, "The Eye of the Storm", these attributes were apparent. It is clear in this image of
the tornado, how anxious I felt at the beginning of this process, unable to organize my

72

internal chaos. Much like the beginning counsellor in the supervisor-supervisee
relationship, I began lacking individuation and confidence, and feeling disconnected from
my sense of self.
Eventually an inner stabilization develops within the supervisee where
confidence and growth is gained, leading to greater independence and individuation from
the supervisor-supervisee relationship (Hogan, 1964; Longbill , Hardy, & Delworth, 1982;
Stoltenberg, 1981 ). Essentially the supervisee is moving from an identity crisis to a
greater sense of personal insight and understanding of self (Stoltenberg & Delworth,
1987). I used the narratives of informal and formal mental health practitioners as a
landmark in which I could compare and contrast my own experiences within the
profession of counselling thus far. I internalized these narratives in the same way the
knowledge and insights of the supervisor can be internalized by the supervisee. Parts of
these narratives resonated with some of my life experiences and because of this I felt
supported and understood. It is through this supervisor-supervisee relationship, that the
skills and awareness of the counsellor in training develop, leading to the shaping of
identity and greater mastery within the profession (Malchiodi , 2003). This ongoing
process of internalizing information then comparing and contrasting it with my
worldview resulted in me having a greater sense of autonomy and integrity as a
professional helper.
In counsellor education, identity development is fostered through programs that
enable students to find new ways of viewing the world, the profession, themselves, and
others especially where head and heart are included in the training and instruction
(McAuliffe, 2000 ; Nelson & Jackson, 2003). As students begin to identify with trainers,

73
their internal experiences become organized and they are better equipped to work with
the external realities of counselling (Bruss & Kopala, 1993). Counsellor identity takes
place over time, as expertise and knowing move from external to internal through the
process of reflection (Skovholt & Ronnestad, 1995). Eventually this leads to a clearer
understanding of one' s strengths and limitations, an opportunity to learn more about
oneself. This self-knowing is essential for counsellors to be efficient in their work and
practice successfully (Corey, 1996; du Preez, 2008). It is clear from this process that my
professional identity needs time to develop, as I am slowly beginning to incorporate more
of my self into my practice. I now understand how my morals, values, and personality
inform the way I interact with others in my profession and personal life. This project has
given me the confidence to recognize when I need to take the time to restructure internal
chaos, so that I can avoid becoming reactive and compensating for feelings of anxiety
and insecurity. This development would not have been possible without attaching to the
stories of others, being shaped by their narratives, and reflection upon this experience
through the transitional space of art making.
My identity development throughout this process can be compared to the career
model of counsellor identity development created by Skovholt and Ronnestad (1995).
This model views counsellor identity as a developmental process that moves
systematically from a place of external influence and conditional autonomy to a place of
internal knowing and individuation. I began this research process with my self-locating
piece, "In the Eye of the Storm", where I felt overwhelmed, and uncertain of my direction
or impact. I described myself as " kind but careless". I was out ofbalance, scattered, and
felt a sense of disintegration between my head and my heart. I had moments of clarity in

74
this state but, for the most part, there was a lack of equilibrium. I was so caught up in the
external pressure of doing a good job and pleasing others that I made little room for
intuition and sense of self. Skovholt and Ronnestad (1995) describe this beginning stage
as imitating the expert.
While processing the second art piece, "Building Capacity, Community, and
Connection", I felt a need to build relationships and shift the control from me to the client
and the community. Within this process I moved from being an isolated tornado, holding
onto power tightly within, to a softened individual open to building relationships and
interpersonal connections. This redistribution of power and control creates strength
within the client. It shifts the expert role from me to other and empowers the client to
research their community resources for help. Local agencies can then be accessed as
supports for both the helper as well as the person seeking help. This experience
deconstructed my view of the counsellor giving wisdom to the client, and redefined it as
the professional helper empowering the client and community to discover wisdom within
themselves.
Skovholt and Ronnestad ' s career model (1995) would suggest that from this point
in the process up to the analysis of the last art piece, I was shifting back and forth from a
place of exploration to integration . Within this shift, I was breaking down my preexisting
identity as a counsellor though the exploration and integration of new realities and
knowledge. Levine (1992) refers to this process of breaking down and building up as a
place of reparation and restoration. Within this project I took an honest look at the realm
of feelings that surfaced throughout, both pleasant and painful. It was in the discomfort I
felt about my inauthenticity within the profession thus far that prompted a desire to

75
restore my self. By letting go of my predetermined fixed beliefs about who I was
supposed to be as a counsellor I was able to attend to and restore my way of being that
compliments the helping profession.
The image "What Matters Most?" reinforced the concept of " other" . During the
creation of this piece I recognized "other" as being anyone outside of myself. This
understanding brought humility to my delivery of counselling, as it encouraged me to
incorporate a not-knowing stance within my own practice and to embrace differences. It
created a shift from thinking about what to do and say next in the counselling setting to a
mindful approach, wherein I use my intuition and accept what I don ' t know. Throughout
the creation and analysis of this art piece I became increasingly more comfortable in a
place where healing is not a planned process delivered in a linear format.
While making the fourth art piece, "Leading with the Heart", the chaos and
frustration I felt while creating my first art piece resurfaced, however this time I had an
evolved understanding of my self. Armored with new insights, I was able to step outside
of the image and look at it with greater confidence and a critical lens. After analyzing and
processing art pieces two and three I was now able to acknowledge the feelings of chaos
and uncertainty that surfaced and distance my self from them; I could slow down the
process and look at the image as an external observer. From this point of view I could
acknowledge my limitations without feeling reactive. My identity was reshaped through
the exploration of this art piece by deconstructing the image. What I saw was my
devotion to helping others often comes before responding to my own needs, a decision
that ultimately leads to feelings of exhaustion, disorganization, and frustration.

76
During the composition of the fifth art piece, "A Coat of Many Colours" , I felt an
emotional shift, a significant gain in confidence. Creating this art piece broke down a
timid and rigid part of myself that relied heavily upon external resources for validation.
This lack of confidence acted as a barrier blocking me from my own internal resources.
The certainty I felt while listening to the interview, choosing the art materials, and
producing the work informed me of my strengths, knowledge, and inner knowing. I
became comfortable engaging during the moments when obstacles were present and
difficulties arose. From this piece, I understood that I am capable of delivering
professional services when I remain flexible and open, trust my abilities, and use
common sense.
"Pull Me Back In", the sixth art piece, was about the past life experiences and
relationships that have contributed to shaping my current identity. This was a process of
rediscovery and unfolding, where I revisited my interests, passions and significant life
events, as well as the attachment figures that have made an impact throughout my life.
Creating this art piece gave me the opportunity to infuse my history and family into this
developmental process. The result of this was a visual life map, a personal mandala
reflecting important people, passions, and events.
The final art piece, " Seeing the Forest from the Trees" could be compared to the
individual and identity section of the Skovholt and Ronnestad (1995) career model of
counsellor identity. This piece consolidated the learning, shaping, destructuring and
restructuring of my identity as a counsellor that had occurred throughout this process.
Family, friends , and community have shaped my moral development and I recognize that
I am in this profession because of who I am not for what I have accomplished. I am in

77
this profession because of influential relationships and events that have occurred up to
this point. These people and circumstances have contributed to the reorganization of my
identity because each new experience has brought insights about my self and the world. I
am a transcending entity who continues to assimilate and accommodate new information
and extend beyond who I was before. What I learned from the analysis of this final art
piece is that my identity as a counsellor cannot be summed up in a statement and does not
exist without my identity as an individual. Rather it is a living, evolving archive that
extends beyond the profession and into a way of being in the world.
Before this project began I was trying to acquire an identity as a counsellor that
was unrealistic and founded on a false sense of self. This false self was derived from
who I thought I should be as a professional , rather than who I am and what I can offer to
the profession. Relinquishing this pre-constructed idea of "an effective counsellor"
throughout this process has allowed me to simplify my personal and professional
expectations and become reacquainted with my self. Deconstructing my identity through
an evaluation of self in relation to other brought certainty as well as emotional discomfort
and internal chaos. However, the outcome, a restructuring and personal awareness, lead
to greater cognitive organization and emotional regulation. When disorganization and
anxiety resurface and I become the living tornado, I now have a method of transforming
this experience. I can channel this chaos and uncertainty into process that supports
cognitive, emotional , and spiritual growth . By exposing this discomfort and making
sense of affliction a reconstruction of the self with greater insight can be supported and
facilitated . Through ongoing art-based reflection I have found a safe holding place for a

78
process of breaking down and building up identity that compliments my method of selfexpression, a starting point to a lifelong journey of personal exploration.

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Chapter 6: Conclusion
This project presented a specific method of capturing the evolution of counsellor
identity development through co-constructed realities and expressive art making.
Counsellor identity is a very personal definition of practice that extends beyond job
descriptions and ethical codes created by agencies and governing associations. It is an
evolving narrative that is redefined through experiences, interactions, and relationships, a
chronicle that does not end in the realm of the helping profession, but rather transcends
into a way of being in the world. It is a process that, when reflected upon , can enhance
learning, integrate internal experiences, and strengthen personal awareness. Through this
art-based autoethnography, I was able to discover how the narratives of other informal
and formal mental health practitioners influenced my identity as a counsellor in training.
By comparing and contrasting my experiences and perception of the counselling
profession with that of other mental health practitioners through a process that included
the mind and body I was able to access multiple dimensions of understanding. Creating a
physical art piece following each interview allowed me to maneuver through the stories
of others for an extended period of time and incorporate my own voice. The art pieces
became physical representations of co-created meaning when the narrative of another was
interpreted through my understanding and worldview. The analysis that followed offered
a language that complimented the sensory, emotional , and symbolic experience and
solidified this new understanding. Accessing these multiple dimensions of the human
experience has enabled me to discover personal truth and integrity, a greater sense of
empathy for others, and confidence in the delivery of a service that best fits my
personality, skill level , and worldview.

80
By listening to the interviews, I was able to see that other mental health workers
share similar emotional struggles within their personal and professional lives. Despite
barriers, however, these practitioners were still able to access their skills, knowledge, and
strengths. In each story there was hope, flexibility , authenticity, and an ability to
persevere in the face of adversity. The interviewees responded to internal and external
challenges with integrity and from that developed their own identities within the helping
profession. This honesty was inspiring and provided me with the safety I needed to
expose my own inner conflict. The candor and trust in each interviewee acted as a
motivational catalyst, prompting me to turn inward and explore my own story.
By using the creative process of art making I was able to bring the narratives of
others to life in a contained structure, while shaping the artwork to include my own story
within it. Art making became a transformative space where I could explore the
interviews through a palpable and creative modality. I was able to prolong thoughtful
reflection of the narrative by reconstructing it as a two or three-dimensional form. The
final product became their narrative filtered through my subjective worldview and
perception; a new reality with its own voice, life, and power to influence. This creative
process moved me from a place of chaos and fragmentation to a place of novelty,
discovery, acceptance, and reforming.
I now understand that profession and person cannot be segregated, that they exist
together; each influences the other. To become a more competent and confident
professional my personality must be integrated into my practice, and my practice must
easily merge with my way of being in the world. Knowing my strengths and limitations,

81

fundamental beliefs, and motivations is vital for incorporating self into my profession, a
process that can occur through ongoing self-evaluation and art-based reflection .
As a practicing counsellor, I now recognize the impact this project has made on
my personal and professional life. When initiating this project I felt disconnected,
anxious, and uncertain of my therapeutic skills. I lacked confidence and felt that I would
be successful only ifl adopted popular approaches or mimicked well-known
practitioners. I lacked a true understanding of my strengths. I now acknowledge my
limitations and recognize they will always be a part of my existence, however I also
embrace my skills and ability to overcome challenges. Furthermore, I am better equipped
at identifying when art-based reflection and self-care is needed.
My research project pulled together the interrelationship between the art, the
interviewee, and the self, and recorded the contribution each made towards my identity as
a counsellor and art therapist. As a student in counselling and art therapy, with a learning
style that thrives on the practical application of knowledge, it was necessary for me to
create a process of reflection that would facilitate a more holistic learning experience.
Throughout this project, I shared reflections of my self in relation to the stories of others
through images, rich with emotion, thoughts, and personal experiences, followed by
verbal interpretations. Processing data through this self-directed expressive modality
gave me the format to fully appreciate and absorb my learning. This personalized artbased reflective practice has enabled me to integrate my self into the culture of
counselling and understand why the counselling profession is a good fit for my way of
being.

82
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