ee hae 2 December Racy Cassiar Courier THE MYSTERY of the GREAT STOLEN ACORN HOARD! A story for children 6 to 60. BY JOHN STURROCK Mr. Green Peas Jones settled himself comfortably in his beloved old faded green striped pre-Nixon lawn chair and, placing his fingertips together, he surveyed the lawn and the humps of black dirt glistening with dewy sil- very spider webs. He gazed at the rich green grass, which was also speckled with fine spun silvery cobwebs produc- ed by the same lawnmower hating spider. A spider who also hated bowling balls and garden parties and cricket ‘matches. His face settled into the mournfull lines of concentrated worry. ‘Dear me’ he thought, ‘’Here | am, witch-ridden and spider cursed, and that’s me, just a normal guy in his normal lawn chair outside his normal house on his nor- mal lawn, on a normal sunny Sunday at 6:39 A.M! And «here | am, confronted by a socially unstable, a counter productive group of nauseating English speaking natural lawn claimants. My wife won't help me. ons loves all animals that are little and incredibly annoying.” My very own dog, Dangerous Dog Danny, whom | named after one of my wife’s realtives, won't even cross the pic- ket line. Is it possible that my very own dog is labor orient ed — perhaps even, heaven forbid, unionized? Ah me! We polish the kitchen and neglect the attic, which is, heaven knows, probably swarming with radical hunger haunted micelets! Lean, merciless, red-eyed, pink footed micelets who are dreaming of dry corn and an attic take over! And a camel on my very own lawn! A camel who obviously knows nothing about OPEC, and probably hates oil and loves garlic. On my front lawn he’s belching and doing _ other things. And a garter snake on his or her hump. I’ve never seen a zoo camel with a garter snake on its hump be- fore. Oh, look at that cute little belching camel doing ot- her things on my very own lawn. | can hear my wife now, saying “Oh, look at that cute little garlic eating oil+ hating loudly burping camel doing other things on my very own lawn more than once!”’ § i'm going to phone Frank Buckley and get his advice. I’m _ going to tell him to get these damn camels off my very own lawn. He’s probably up by now cooking Eggs Invictus and sweet and sour broccoli. He probably can’t even spell broccoli! He probably doesn’t even know what a camel looks like! He‘ll probably think it’s a horse that ran into a wall! Maybe | better tell him it’s a camel and nota horse that has run into a wall. Maybe | should phone accom- modations and tell them about the camel on-my lawn and what are they going to do about it? Damn it, we can’t let these bricks fall out of the wall. The Romans neglected the bricks in their wall and look what happened. We have to tighten up the bricks! When the first brick trembles a camel is looking at your lawn and. planning the doing of other things! Maybe |‘Il use the lawn sprinkler. Damn.it! | can’t even "use that, It takes four days to water a camel, and besides, my wife has probably got it in the kitchen to dampen her ironing! Blast modern wives, they all want a career nowa- . days. There are two things a man should not do! Yessiree! Two things — he shouldn’t allow his wife to become edu- cated nor should he allow camels on his front lawn. I’m going to put that in my next staff newsletter! As he was thus musing, a mouse approached him bearing an envelope clenched in his little sharp attic gnawing in- cisors. separ > ” ” It's from your wife’’ spoke the mouse. She says that breakfast is ready, and the lawn sprinkler is under the sink.”” Green Peas Jones reached down and took the envelope, . opened it, extracted a piece of hand written paper, which said, “Your breakfast is ready and your sprinkler is under the sink.” “You go back to my wife and you tell her that breakfast will just have to wait until | get this loudly burping camel and evil garter snake off my front lawn so that me won't ~ be doing other things.” “| can’t do that” said the mouse. “\Nhy?” shouted Green Peas. “1 don’t want to lose my attic privileges’’ replied the mouse, “just when we’ve got a winter’s supply of Moon- shure Gadoret’s paper work.” “Hmm” chuckled Green Peas, ‘‘you should munch on a ve letter from Billious Delineous! “We have.’ replied the mouse, ‘Meaty stuff, ain’t it?’’ At this moment a bell began to knoll and toll from the house. “Hark’’ cried the mouse “ a bell is knolling and tolling). Does it forsooth bespeak the doom of mankind?” How sadly the bell tolls, tolls, tolls, How grimly the rondelay rolls, rolls, rolls, Across the morning grass It is the sibulant tinkle of slavery By unspeakable feminine knavery. It’s the death of muscle and bravery. Across the morning grass. i “I\'m afraid so,’’ grumbled Green Peas, ‘’I’m afraid so!”’ “Pray tell fair Green Peas, whither doth?” “\Noman’’ intoned Green Peas, ‘‘and camels are the doom of mankind.” “Shoosh,’’ shuddered the mouse, ‘Don’t say that!” I’ve got 39 liberated wives back there in the attic, and they all read the Cassiar Courier as they eat it!” “Whatever you do,” cried Green Peas sadly, “don’t educ- ate them.” “We've already got them” replied the mouse. ‘’Fierce fiery feminists. Mice with mustaches!”’ “Well,’’ said Green Peas, “do you think they would scare that horrible camel away?” “We're mice’’ replied the Mouse, ‘‘we scare elephants, not camels!” “Well, how come?” asked Green Peas. “Why ask me?’ said the mouse, “It’s in the C.L.S. and we only train on elephants.” . At this moment Moonshure Gadoret drove down the gra- velled driveway, like a stockcar racer — one wheel in the rut and all four on the humps. Applying the brakes violent- ly, he performed a half circle, scattering gravel on G. P. Jones’ manicured lawn. Green Peas gazed at the gravel and shrugged his shoulders wearily. ““Here comes my remnant ‘of archaic aristocracy, my ‘French Ben Hur, my very own Marquis De Sad of the bunkhouses!”’ “Good morning Moonshure Gadoret, what tears thee away from thy gilded ‘ fishing rod this lovely sunny Sun- day?” “Ah! What a lovely day” sang Moonshure, ‘“Gaze upon. that lovely free blue sky, those lovely fluffy clouds like soft sheep in the wilderness. Look upon the grandeur of those fine free mountains. ”’ “Ump” said G, P. Jones gazing upon the gravel in the grass and thinking of the possibilities of having Moonshure re- move the gravel with a pair of pimple tweezers, a possib- ility that so animated him that a heady flush grew upon his sullied brow . “My dear Moonshure Gadoret,” he said, “gaze not upon those fluffy clouds, instead direct your gaze upon my humpy lawn and that horrible camel munch: ing my Rhody Dendrums, and the gravel, my dear Moon- shure, the gravel you have flung upon it!” “Ah! sighed Moonshure picking up a lump of gravel, “this is but blind mentality, sir! Out of gravel comes gold and sir, look upon these little yellow lumps of something that shines so dully!”’ “Gold!” screeched G. P. Jones. “Gold!” screamed Moonshure. They flung themselves on hands and knees and scurried around the driveway squawking and arping with happiness as they picked up little bits of gravel and flung them on the lawn. : To Be Continued - On Saturday, November 29, the first figure skating tests _ were_run and the following badges were received: BEGINNERS Shannon Baerwald Jason Fox Sherry Baerwald Denise Gay Sheena Billingsley Kelly Huber Chiera Borsato Sian Jones ’ Crystal Brand Pamela King Jacqueline Brand Chris Komperdo Tara Komperdo Melissa Lecours Amanda Cadwalader /rene Carin Kelly Carter Chery! Maguire Janice Coran * Jackie Molan Joanne Coran Mary Molan Emma Crawford Jesam Stewart Nicole Deyo Debbie Tracey James Dyk Heather White Kate Elhorn Sherry Zebrotf STROKING Sherry Baerwald Denise Gay Sheena Billingsley Kelly Huber Chiera Borsato Sian Jones Crystal Brand Pamela King Jacqueline Brand Tara Komperdo Amanda Cadwalader Melissa Lecours Irene Carin Cheryl Maguire Kelly Carter Jackie Molan Janice Coran Mary Molan Joanne Coran Jesam Stewart Emma Crawfora Debbie Tracey Nicole Deyo Heather White Kate Elhorn Sherry Zebroff ELEMENTARY Jacqueline Brand Sian Jones Sheena Billingsley Pamela King lrene Carin Tara Komperdo Kelly Carter Jackie Molan Kate Elhorn : Mary Molan BASIC Kelly Carter Dianna Curila Jackie Molan NOVICE 7 Kelly Carter ‘ Dianna Curila Janet Shayler DANCE 1 Dianna Curila Janice Joseph Andrea Thompson ‘ NOVICE 71 Shelley Billingsley Cathy Pewsey Alexia Jones Jenny Pewsey Tamara Mulrooney Corinne VanAcker JUMP Bettina Martschin DANCE 11 Jakaline Clements Bettina Martschin FREESTYLE 7 Jakaline Clements SPEED Shelly Billingsley Alexia Jones Tamara Mulrooney Cathy Pewsey Jenny Pewsey Corinne VanAcker There will be no Figure Skating lessons from December 23, 1980 to January 4, 1981. They will resume the normal schedule on January 5, 1981. Pe a > Nek Sa RSE Ie pi ee et = ae 5a CT Ti TER HMAAKAAAAAA KKK Coos Grant Refused The Recreation Office received word from Mr. Gordon McDevitt of Employment and Immigration in Terrace that the Community Development Grant applied for by the Cassiar Community Club had been turned down, after much deliberation. To the Cassiar Community Club members it would have meant that a Youth Co-ordinator, Ski Hill operator and an Arts & Crafts Co-ordinator (in liason with the Arts and Crafts Club) would have been put on the grant, and this would have saved the Club an estimated $4,000.00 in labor costs, and given the members more variety and a place for the youth to go, with an organized program. It must be realized that the Community Club has applied for grants on several occasions, and have received Youth Grant monies for the summer projects and, in a phone call to the Project Officer handling these youth grants, the Club’s responsibility in administering these grant monies has been termed as good. Cutbacks in grants are always evident each year, but to have a grant completely turned down, with no monies coming. seems rather unfair to our community. A letter has been written to our M.L.A. Jim Fulton, with regards to the grant refusal and the results from his answer will be published in the next Courier. SS S—=—E— SSIES E——SS—WE—dDd— RiCChies xmas the ladies on the courier CoiIsh are full of joy and glee there’s kerry and now katie and then of course there’s lee they work their little bustles off - to bring the news to us but if we go and bug them they raise an awful fuss they're working on the x-mas one ads coming out of their ears we wonder if they'll make it thru all the fits and tears, they’ve only got another week to get it all together there’s more to that than meets. the eye but one way or another they'll get the thing out by hook or aes and one thing is quite clear we ll never see another one at least not until next year so merry christmas ladies you do a helluva job please deliver my christmas paper idon’t want to fight a mob Ltave you heard? | Kate Sevier hae Noined the permanent Courier Staff. She had previously worked part-time at the newspaper and we are pleased to be working with her again. lunch LOWER POST:: “ SCHOOL EMIL WITH MOOSE RACK . Every Friday of the month the students prepare ‘a special lunch. If a student/parent or visitor would like to have lunch the charge is $1.50. Travelling the Alaska Highway or just visiting Watson Lake, your curiosity will take you to Lower Post. Emil and Mr. Barret’s hunting trip contributed a large bull moose. Staff and students have also ' been fishing — through the ice! Soon snares will provide rabbit. And, according to our cookbook, anything on four legs can be thrown in the stew pot. by Jay Dahlgren +e rrr tree rrr er rr rr er er err Oe rrr OOH i PSEASONS CRERTINGS . | AND BEST WISHES FOR A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR B.X.L. EXPLOSIVES LTD., CAS BiG: _ Greetings deli time YUKON EXPLOSIVES. 126 Industrial Road Whitehorse, Yukon Phone 667-6241 Telex 03-68291 COPOOOOOOOSSOOOOOSS OOOO alle tal ial ela ile Gehan POPES >> ¢ ae we catend te you stekeaakeakskeskok sek voy at wae) Ba eager Boa Le Cassiar Courier December 7 1980 Raley 19 “For si > ON DEASE RIVER, THREE MILES FROM LIONS CAMPGROUND IN BOYA LAKE PARK. TWO ROOMS FULLY INSULATED AND FINISHED IN- SIDE. APPROXIMATELY 400 SQUARE FEET. CAB- IN IN EXCELLENT CONDITION. WOOD COOK- STOVE , PROPANE LIGHTS. ACCESSIBLE BY ROAD IN SUMMER. PRICE OF $4500 INCLUDES 1973 ARCTIC CAT PANTHER SNOWMOBILE AND SLEIGH FOR WINTER ACCESS. FOR PICTURES AND ADDITIONAL INFORM- ATION CALL 778-7609. eo BF BHD “® seeseoccoooooocosoooooccooooseneete She es ees ee -_ a Mrs. M. Nitti, ” Min ‘190 Zimmerman St, 778-7220, Provincial Licensed Travel Agent ‘for All Your Travel Needs ose o eo. 25 ee = —% —s =] ac Gan ‘a on Sa =J Sn ‘ep = — 53, =o Ss — Reservations & Tickets ALL TYPES OF CHARTERS, BOTH DOMES- TiC AND TO EUROPE. SKY.BUS AVAIL: i ABLE TO WINNIPEG, TORONTO, AND MONTREAL. | CRUISES - HOLIDAY PACKAGES HAWAII, BAHAMAS, CARIBBEAN HOURS = ~ Mon, Wed. Thurs. . Friday 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Speer hl 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Closed Tuesday afternoon and all day Sunday. By 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. ch p 5 a a = ‘ i a 2 3 : c woe [pee re BD ee , MARVEL TRAVEL SERVICE LTD. WILL BE CLOSED THE FOLLOWING DAYS DECEMBER 24, 25, 26,and 31 1980 and January 1, 1981 Please if you are travelling on or around these dates be sure to pick up your tickets in advance. DPR PARRA: