As the first month of 1996 rolls to an end, our venerable young Jason is beginning to feel the pressures of the second semester at UNBC. He walks slowly past the door, stops, goes back a little ways, then continues on. He goes through the door. He. steals a mint or two, and then briskly leaves. He'stops, turns around, and hesitating, walks back through the door where he comes face to face with the new secretary... Maria: Hi, welcome to the Learning Skills Centre. Can I help you? Jason (to himself): Uh...uh...think fast... what Should I say?? Jason: Uh...well um...I just kinda wanted another mint. Maria: Oh...OK. Jason (to himself): Now J look like a fool. I should say something else... Jason: But uh, since I’m here...my uh, my FRIEND wanted me to ask what you guys do here. Maria: Well, we offer a variety of services with learning strategies, writing skills, and learning disabilities. Jason: Oh ya...so uh, if my FRIEND needed a hand with like time management or something like that, then you guys could maybe help him? Maria: Sure we could. Student success? The Saga by Jason Jason (to himself): Ammm... maybe this Learning Skills Center place could be pretty cool after all, not that I NEED any help myself. Jason: So... uh, if my FRIEND maybe needed a little help with an essay or something like that, then someone could help him with that too? Maria: Yep. Our writing tutors can help you with anything from interpreting assignments, organizing your writing, revising and editing, to overcoming — writer’s block. They are trained to help you improve your writing process. Jason: Hmmm...and it’s free, right? Maria: Yes, it is a free service offered to ali UNBC students. Jason: Uh...well, maybe I should like make an appointment and check that out...for my FRIEND. Maria: Great, what day is good for you? Jason (to himself): Cool, heh heh. I totally duped her. Yep, that Learning Skills place is actually kinda cool. I guess Curby was right for once in his life. Besides, I have to admit, my brain hurts alot less now that I finally made that appointment. Over the Edge Jan 24, 1996 page y Top Ten Things That We’ll Probably Find When the Snow Melts By Vince Yim 10: The bicycle rack. 9: Our editor, Paul Berard. 8: That car that we could have sworn was there before the last snow storm. 7: A crashed UFO site. 6: The second residence building. 5: The great, lost Arch of Constantine. 4: A soggy, old homework assignment that was due last semester. 3: A thousand dollars in pocket change. 2: All of those socks that we thought we lost in the washer and dryer. 1: Elvis Presley’s dead, fat, and bloated (but cryogenically preserved) corpse. The Northern Auracle »- Aries (March 21 - Apri! 19) Ignore the strange urges to kill your closest friends, it will pass in time. If not, seek professional help, prison is not ot for the GPA. Keep away from the color red. Taures (April 20 - May 20) Be nice to animals in February or they will get revenge. Plants on the other hand are fair game, have fun to your hearts desire but beware of black roses. Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Look out for falling rocks, or any other heavy objects hurled from above. Your friends seem out to get you but their intentions are good except when they are wearing blue. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Chicken soup: will dominate next month, don’t. eéit frighten you, ‘it?s just a phase and_will pass. All colors are. bad and | yous should only watch black and white T.V. Leo (July 23 ~ Aug 22) . Mary and her little lamb will Visit you in your sleep, pay close attention to what they say, it will change the course of your: life. Always keep something white with you. Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) The Force will be with you to protect you from the weather, but you’re on your own for everything else. Yellow is a happy color but only in small amounts. Libra (Sept 23 - Oct-22) You should be on a beach in Florida but since your stuck here nde the best of it. Helping others will result in large sums of money. Green pencils are deadly... beware. Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Large insects have invaded your room and are taking over. You will be safe if you carry an onion as a peace offering, but do not bring carrots. Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Computers are against you for the next little while, bring a sledge hammer anytime you go near one, but only use it when completely necessary. Usually a tomato will do the job. : Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Beware of walking veggies, it means you’ve left them too long and they have become self-aware. They will not be pleased with you and will make attempts on your life. Arm yourself with a fork. Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Fish are your friends, help them with their troubles and you will be rewarded. Avoid salt at all costs, the sugar is paying it to get you. Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Send flowers to strangers but not strange stangers. Cartoons are a good place to go for advice. Don’t talk to the telephone if it talks back.