OVER THE EDGE December 5, 2007-January 9, 2008 ee THE “GRINCHES” Nay sayers (from left to right) Aaron Widdis, Caroline Clarke and Cody Willett stone their faces before the debate. -PuHoto Courtesy oF Mircu Grant VERSUS ews THE “Wuos” Santa supporters (from left to right) Cameron Ehl, Art Fredeen, 1 and Don Munton, look on as the questionable evidence is com- piled against those who believe -PHotro Courtesy or Mitrcu GRANT Santa Clause Debate an Epic Success for the Spirit of the holidays? At least a coupl¢ hundred students turned out for UNBC’s 14" annual Santa Clause De- bate. The Wintergarden was packed to the bal- conies in what turned out to be a showdown of belief (or lack thereof). With young children slurping cookies and cocoa beside UNBCers slurping cookies and cocoa, those arguing the truth of Santa’s existence found themselves engaged in an existential debate about the meaning of Christmas. Rapt students looked on as the favoured ‘Yes’ side of the debate, intelligence specialist-superspy Don Munton, flora guru-conspiracy theorist Art Freeden, and the eloquent and eminently visible Cam- eron M. Ehl did battle in Santa’s honour. The underdog ‘No’ team of Santa pundits was led by the revered global political economist Dr. Caroline Clarke, the UNBC publishing baron Cody Willett, and the law/women’s studies expert Aaron Widdis. Soft carolling set the serene stage before local CBC broadcaster Chris Walker was introduced as the debate’s lone arbiter by the fabulous Chéryl Jahn. Don Munton, in current terror-watch style, demonstrated the exist- ence of Santa through the most sophisticated display of todays current array of intelligence gathering techniques. After speculating that Cuba’s Fidel Castro is keeping contact with Santa’s roommate Saddam Hussein and pro- ducing an elf defector to testify as to Santa’s activities in a mixture of Elvish and English, Dr. Munton made it clear that peoples lives were in jeopardy for seeing too much already. The venerable Dr. Clarke then took to the stage and delivered an unsettling exposé regarding Santa’s longtime suffering at the hands of the more production savvy Chinese, with their ability to outdo St. Nick on tech and labour exploitation levels. Students and other on- lookers were not lost on showing their innate support for the ‘Yes’ side up to this point. However, the tide of the debate turned subtly when botany Dr. Freeden strung together an outline of how the “Santa Tree’s” presence around Prince George, parasitic mistletoe, and Santa-caused pine beetle devastation were proof of Kris Kringle’s existence. Poun- cing on this slight misstep, graduate student and Editor in Chief of Over the Edge News- paper Society, Cody Willett, approached the podium. As the crowd got restless, Willett began his withering assault by describing Santa’s former potency in juxtaposition to to- day’s hyper-commercial media domination of the Santa Clause name brand that’s long-since lost its wholesome love, family and charity sustained magic. This tactical manoeuvrer struck at the heartstrings of those in the crowd who could understand the underlying message of Christmas spirit rebirth from the ashes of a hijacked and overexposed Santa Clause media zealotry. Applause broke out a-smatteredly as the gravity of this argument sunk in. Sensing all could be lost for the ‘Yes’ side, Cameron Ehi put on his famously candid NUGSS VP External crowd face. Mr. Ehl wasted no time chastising the ‘No’ team for their ‘bitterness’ before tearing into an impas- sioned recollection of his Santa-filled child- hood. No memory was more moving than Ehl’s admissions about the gin-soaked back- door man that had Cameron learning how to fix G&T’s with a slice of lime for ‘Santa’ at six years of age. The potency of this revela- tion proved the existence of Santa in Cam’s eyes as he mentioned gin no less than five times amid hints of child-penned letter’s to his beloved Father Christmas. The audience went wild with empathy and emotion fuelled by what can only be assumed are common recollections. Yet, slick Aaron Widdis further- underscored the harsh reality of today’s Kris Kringle. Diminished and forced out of his fri- gid home by greedy oil companies and mushy melted icecap conditions, Santa now lives in Bhaglapur, India where he plots retaliation at a call centre cubicle. The tense atmosphere was shaken loose by Cheryl Jahn’s reflex righteous affirmation of the worthiness of Christmas orgies before she introduced panelist Chris Walker. Walk- er meticulously walked the crowd through each team’s merits and demerits. Just as he was giving the obligatory also-ran praise of Mr. Ehl’s ability to fit the word ‘gin’ into a short speech so many times, “Santa Clause” burst into the Wintergarden with sweets to- bribe the crowd. In the confusion of the mo- ment, worried calls rang out from friends of the attendant and ardently pro-Santa Dr. Todd Whitcombe, who loves candy but had mys- teriously disappeared... Willett called out, though perhaps in vain, “look at his eyebrows! Check if they’re white. or not!” Either Santa’s new ‘do’ is decidedly Emo, or someone was deliberately keeping those brows from public scrutiny. Media Provocateur, Cody Willett Santa makes an appearance at UNBC! The other side of the Story Cameron EAL SANTA SuPPORTER He’s made a list. He’s checked it twice. After last Friday’s debate; he knows who’s naughty or nice. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the 14% annual Santa Claus debate went off without a hitch on Friday, with Don Munton, Art Fredeen and yours truly spreading Christmas cheer on the ‘yes’ side, while Caroline Clarke, Cody Willett and Aaron Widdis showed their ‘Scrooge’ sympathies and represented the ‘no’ side. ‘ Calls of fraud and event rigging were strife amongst the ‘no’ camp, despite the fact that their support- ers were few and far between. The ‘yes’ side did its best; however, and presented some very strong evi- dence to prove the naysayer side wrong once and for all. Don Munton gave a very detailed presentation regarding ‘Santa Intel- ligence’ and went so far as to prod- uce an actual elf that could testify, albeit with the aid of a translator, to the very existence of the North Pole and Santa Claus. If that didn’t erase any preconceived doubts about Santa’s existence, I don’t know what will. Art Fredeen used his scientific background to prove that Santa’s existence could be proven by look- ing at the composition of the for- ests around Prince George. Do you think it’s a coincidence that we’re surrounded by a forest full of Christmas trees? I don’t think SO... Concluding the ‘yes’ side was my presentation, which focused on how my brother and I fuelled Santa’s love of gin and tonics with a wedge of lime instead of the trad- itional milk and cookies. Why did we substitute G&T’s for milk and cookies you might ask? Our dad told us that Santa preferred them. And while the ‘no’ side was ul- timately out to ruin Christmas, the honourable judge for the evening, Mr. Chris Walker of the CBC, passed judgement on the debate, calling it for the ‘yes’ side and dealing a crushing blow to the naysayers in the process. Despite their attempts to prove Santa Claus a fraud, they could not overcome the strong feeling of Christmas cheer that emulated from the audi- ence. As Mr. Walker pronounced judgement, something unexpected occurred. A jolly old man with a white beard and red suit came in & from the cold carrying a sack, He | was immediately met with cheers # of joy, and I can honestly say thatI 3 heard more than one groan coming * MS i from the opposite team. I guess Santa showed up at the end to settle the debate himself, rewarding they knew that from that moment hjs loyal followers with candy canes while the nay sayers received on, they’d be on his naughty list. I pothing. Perhaps they will find coal in their stocking for their dis- hope I’m still on the nice list; after pelief, or perhaps they will receive a bad christmas movie. all, I didn’t leave him a G&T for after the debate... -Paoro Courtesy of Mrrcu Grant