A Multi-Species Approach to University

by Simon Goring

“The time has come” the
Walrus said “to talk of many
things”, and | for one, rather
than being eaten like a fat lit-
tle oyster, would like to talk
about our university. Since
we first emerged from the
trees our humans have made
rapid strides in understanding
the behavior and biology of
many of our fellow species.
Recent developments in pri-
mate research have taught
higher order primates to com-
municate with humans
through sign language. In
this new millennium we will
be challenged to evaluate our
relationship with our closest
relatives and question our
continued domination of
these lovable anthropoid
apes.

Throughout history the domi-
nant order in human society
has repressed and subjugat-
ed “inferior” classes.
Contemporary thought has
often shown the basis of this

repression to be flawed by
bias. It is saddening that our
primate relatives are still ina
state of subjugation, depen-
dent on the bananas of our
scientific community (to use a
cliched metaphor) while we
enjoy the fruits of education.
The time must come when
we as a society realize that
monkeys can be useful citi-
zens and more than simply
experimental banana gob-
blers.

While flying to Calgary at the
end of winter holidays | had
the pleasure of watching
MVP: Most Valuable Primate
a movie about a chimpanzee
named Jack who joins a
Minor-B hockey team (the
Nelson Nuggets) and leads
them to the provincial cham-
pionships. While | realize this
movie is mostly fiction, it
behooves us to more closely
examine the point it was try-
ing to make. Who can know
what our simian relatives
might be capable of if we only
let them pick ticks off each

other's backs? For this rea-
son | believe that UNBC
should begin to spend its
Capital Development funds in
preparation for the day that
monkeys are finally allowed
into our glassy hallways.

By spending money now on
such things as monkey bars,
time-out rooms for angry
male silver-back gorillas and
of course greenhouses to
grow delicious bananas and
berries in, we can reduce pri-
mate hardship in the future.
Now, | know there will be
some resistance to this idea,
| talked to one. person and
they asked me if | was on
crack or something. | think
our reticence to allow mon-
keys into UNBC stems from
our fear of the unknown. In
MVP it is the hearing
impaired Tara (herself judged
unfairly) who realizes that the
abilities of the chimp go
beyond looking silly in human
clothes and glasses. It is
telling that this modern alle-
gory gives Tara the role of

making the hockey team real-
ize their bias against hockey
playing chimps (and possibly
hearing impaired girls too!).
What we need is someone
like her to make us realize
that species like
Chimpanzees and
Orangutans can study our
subjects with us rather than
being the subject of studies
for us.

| realize that this is not a sub-
ject to which many of you will
attach significant importance,
but | believe that in the future
pressure will be exerted on
our post-secondary institu-
tions to let a master-race of
super-intelligent shit-flinging
primates into our so called
ivory towers. If we do not
begin thinking about how to
accommodate our simian rel-
atives, we may soon be faced
with a daunting task. And to
answer the person who
asked if | was on crack: No,
I'm high on love you dirty
monkey f—er!”

Student
Apathy contin-
ued

(continued from page 5)

and two, it all had to do with
the Alma Mater Society

(UBC’s student society). A
group of students in their
third and fourth years at
UBC, are part of the Action
Nude slate. They hope that
with the turnout that they get
from having an all nude cam-
paign (well not all nude,
bathrobes were used), that
voter turnout would rise.
Only time will tell. Now can
we imagine that NUGSS will
do something like this to get
voter turnout, we'll find out
next election won’t we?

So just to remind
people the voting takes place
January 30-31st. Go vote!
You won’t see me there, but
you might see other people
not like me. Cheers, M.B.

UNBC Academic Vice-President
Dr. Deborah Poff

+ Michael Horner

» UNBC, Wednesday,
February 7th, 7pm

Public Lectures with Michael Homer:
Thursday, Feb. 8, 1:00pm - Room 7 150:
Do Evil & Suffering Disprove God’s Existence?
Thursday, Feb. 8, 7:00pm - Canfor Theatre:
{s there Scientific Evidence for God?
Friday, Feb. 9, 1:00pm - Room 7 - 158:
The Absurdity of Life Without God

Sponsored by the UNBC Interfaith Campus Chaplaincy and participating Prince
George Area Churches. For more information, call Danny Legault, 964-9600, or
email: Westside@telus.net