October 16, 1996

by Vince Yim

With the date to pay the
second installment of residence
rent long gone and: past, many
people have received a piece of
mail stating that if they didn’t
pay the second installment, they
would be evicted. Fair enough,
but several of those people have
already made their payments.
That in itself is not so bad, as if
one received such a piece of
mail, that person only needed
to present the receipt to
housing. But then, what if one
happened to lose the receipt?
Can one imagine explaining to
their folks that they’ve been
kicked out of residence because
they can’t remember where
they put a receipt?

I thought that the kinks
were successfully ironed out of
the residence system last year.
From what I’m told, there were
considerably less problems in
the second year of operation
than there was in the first. So,
why is it that it seems that there
are more problems in residence
this year than the last?

The problems seemed
to start in the middle of the

summer, when the housing_

office was unable to tell us what
our residence address would be.
This was really puzzling,
considering that last year, we
were told what our room
number was months in advance.
Even though there is an
expected increase in students as
the years go on, sorting the
rooms should have gone on
with little difficulty. So, why
is it that we weren’t told what
our room numbers were until
we stepped into the housing
office? And for that matter,

What’s Wrong With
this Picture?

: Over The Edge 5

Editorial

why is it that several students
were told that they had a room,
but when they stepped into the
housing office, suddenly, they
didn’t have a room anymore
and they would have to live in
off campus housing?

And then, moving in
was a lot of fun, as many of the
rooms were completely filthy.
In my room, the last occupants
cleaned the oven, but they
forgot/neglected to remove the
oven cleaner. Easy Off doesn’t
taste very good, and it doesn’t
really promote good health
either. It seems that my
roommates didn’t realize that
there was oven cleaner still
stuck to the oven walls, as they
proceeded to use it, soaking in
the fumes from oven cleaner. I
thought the housekeeping staff
was going to make sure things
like this didn’t happen. After
all, they did have four months
to do it.

Of course, some
problems with residence can’t
be avoided (such as the laundry
machines eating quarters, the
noise level, the false fire alarms,
etc.), but things like what I
mentioned simply shouldn’t be
happening. For one, the
problem with installments
would have been considerably
easier if it was simply paid per
semester. This would be more
effective for people who aren’t
staying for the entire year, only
one semester. ;

Randall Brazzoni, your
response and your input would
be very welcomed. If I am
wrong in what ] mention, please
feel free to set the facts straight,
as many students obviously
have the same questions.

MEMO FROM THE

ISOLATION WARD:
Desperate pleas from desperate

by John W. McFetrick

It was four o’clock when the
phone rang. I picked up the
receiver, said nothing and
waited for the person on the
other end to speak.

“Did I wake you?” said the
voice.

“What do you want?”

“T need you to come down to
my place. I need you to help me
with something.”

Insane. Four in the godamn
morning and this fool needs my
help with ‘something.’ “Steve,”
I began calmly, “call me in
three or four...make that six
hours. I’d be glad to help you
then. I was having a dream
about tits. Now fuck off.”

“Now. I need you now.”
Steve sounded desperate. Most
people do at four a.m. “I’ve got
a problem with my landlord.”

“You’ve always got problems
with your landlord.”

“I’m being evicted at nine this
morning.”

I understood immediately. |
could help him...I had to.
Dealing with landlords is my
specialty. “I’ll be right over.”

I didn’t bother to shower,
since I was only going to get
dirty. I got dressed, grabbed a
flashlight from my desk and
headed out to the garage. There,
I found a box of quick set
plaster, a bag of finishing nails,
a hammer and a tin of epoxy
glue. I also found.a tube of
liquid solder. I packed it all up
and got in the car.

I rushed over to meet Steve.
He was in a state of apoplexy,
so I tried my best to calm him
down. “There’s no n¢ged to get
excited,” I said. “We will fix
this situation.”

He had already moved his
belongings out during the night.
All that remained were a roach
infested sofa and an overstuffed
chair. He had no intention of
bringing these hideous relics

people.

into his new home.

I went out to the car and got
my bag of tricks. I’Il start with
the toilet, I thought. Then I'll
deal with the sinks, then the
locks. Everything should be
ready for the landlord by the
time he arrives. I checked my
watch: Five o’clock. Plenty of
time.

I gave Steve the epoxy. “Take
this and pour some down all the
drains. You won’t need much.
Then take these nails and stick
some down with the glue. It
should all set within fifteen
minutes. After that...”

“I know. The plumbing is
fucked.” Steve began to giggle
with excitement.

I took the box of plaster up to
the bathroom and began mixing
it in the sink. Then | shut off
the toilet valve and gave it a
flush. When I was satisfied that
all the water had been drained
from the bowl, I poured the
plaster. Ten minutes later it was
as hard as arrock. Nothing short
of dynamite would break it free.

At last, Steve poured the
remaining epoxy down the
bathtub drain. We smoked a
spliff and waited for the glue to
harden. Then I turned on the
tap, just a little, enough for a
slow trickle. I reasoned that the
tub would start overflowing in
about three hours.

I checked my watch. 5:35.
“We’re almost done. There’s
just one thing left.” I handed
him the liquid solder. “The

honor is all yours.”
We went outside and Steve put
the key into the lock for the last
time. When the dead-bolt
dropped, he snapped the grip
from the key. The tumbler was
now jammed. I gave him the
hammer and he tapped the
jagged edge that stuck out from
the keyhole. Then he squirted
some solder into the cracks.
“Five minutes from now and
nothing will get past this
door...except maybe a
chainsaw.” I gave Steve a pat
on the back. “You learn fast.”
“Thanks for your help. I was
really stuck.”

“Steve, the fun is just
beginning. We’ll go out and get
something to eat (you’re
buying) and then we’ll come
back and sit in my car. We’ll
wait right there.” I pointed. to
where my car was parked.
“That should provide a fine
view when the landlord shows

‘up with the sheriff. We can

watch the old bastard freak out.
It'll be great.”

I realized that more could be
done. “We need a can of cat
food.”

We bought the cat food and I
opened it with a knife, went up
to the house and gently slid
open a window. I climbed in
and walked to the room with the
sofa and chair. “Chow time,” I
said and dumped the cat food
onto the floor. I found the
thermostat and cranked up the

con't...on page 7

Books on Fourth

Phone 563-6637
Fax 563-6610
Toll Free 1-800-303-2950

1229 4th Avenue
Prince George, B.C.
V2L 3J5