Over the Edge ¢ February 6th 2013 RESIDENCE WINTER FORMAL TRAUMA AT THE SEMI-FORMAL: HOW BARF AND GYRATION HELPED THIS REPORTER REALIZE SHE WILL NEVER FIT IN, AND WHY THAT'S OKAY JORDAN TUCKER ART AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR To start things off, let’s recap my only other experience at the annual Residence Semi- Formal: it was first year, and my best friend and I had consumed a giant bottle of tequila before heading out to the thing with a flask of some witch’s brew tucked into my bra. We arrived at the Ramada early, and took several drunken pictures. We then found the chocolate fountain, and proceeded to dunk shrimp and broccoli in the chocolate, which was surprisingly fairly delicious. The night took a turn for the worse as we pounded drink after drink and danced like fools. I am pretty sure my total count of makeouts with random people from that evening wound up totalling at least seven, including one of the waiters. Come to think of it, they should have fired that guy. It’s totally inappropriate to make out with random drunk girls smeared in chocolate and shrimp at your job. Actually, I think I just described my own dream job {note from Editor in Chief: we know what you’re planning, do not ask for this at the next budget meeting]. Anyways, it was like a giant bacchanalia of fancy dresses. My friend was motorboated on the dance floor. SOME GUY KISSED HER BOOBIES ON THE DANCE FLOOR. So it was with a strange sort of anticipation and dread that I went to this year’s Residence Formal, accompanied by two_ intrepid fellow editors (Managing and Features), my delightful boyfriend of two years (who will now know about that first formal after reading this, hi honey, I love you, please don’t leave me) and a couple of my best buddies from elementary school. The deejay was playing nothing but rap music for most of the night. This really threw off mine and Gala’s vibe, as we are pretty much Liz Lemon and know nothing about this thing you kids are calling “crimping.” It’s incredible how much liquor can colour your perception of things: the first year I went to semi-formal, I was this primal, writhing beast, swaying my hips to jungle music and participating in what I only imagined was similar to the cave rave where Neo and Trinity have hot sex in the second Matrix movie [Editor’s note: you liked that scene? Really?]. In first year, making out with some unknown person on the dance floor, I thought I was the coolest adult ever, and that we were all glamourous rock star people. This year, I felt like a prudish grandmother unaware of how the children could conduct themselves in such an unseemly manner. As soon as I walked into the venue, a beautiful blonde waiting for the line to pass so she could go to the bathroom lost it. And by lost it, I mean she completely lost control of her stomach, and barfed into her hand. She looked so surprised; it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Plato’s enlightened folks escaping from the cave and seeing the light for the first time have nothing on the exaltation I felt when this woman delicately put her manicured hand up to her mouth and erupted volcanic vomit through her fingers. Everyone has a picture of themselves as a young child wearing their parent’s clothes: Residence semi-formal is the ultimate celebration of that. This gorgeous girl was hurling her cookies all over the floor in formal wear, and the bouncers in their suits and ties had to be polite and maintain the farce that this was an event for grown-ups. But hey, I’m not one to judge: I was once drunkenly sitting in my bed and felt the need to vomit. I did not want to destroy my duvet, so I barfed into my hand and swallowed it back down. I have literally eaten my own barf. So, anonymous girl who barfed in her hand, you looked great, and everyone has been there. I’ve just been there in a much grosser way (I win!). The whole thing was delightfully over the top. Every dude was humping (or trying to hump) a pretty girl’s leg like they had bombs strapped to their chests and this was the only way to diffuse them. I think that’s maybe what struck me the most about it: it was so sincere. Everyone was dressed up like they were going to the Oscars, and not just chugging drinks at the expense of the really depressed bartender. The bartender confided to my colleagues and I that the semi-formal is one of the only events that many of the servers don’t look forward to: weddings are fine, but the semi-formal involves broken glass, crying kids, and way too many douchebags who think they’re on Entourage. My first year, I spent so much time trying to awkwardly fit in, and my friends and I had a great time. Two years later, I can look at A CAPPELLA CLUB LEILA MAHEIDDINIBONAB STUDENT LIFE EDITOR A cappella - when I say that word, what comes to mind? For me, it’s the classic scene in Cry Baby where Amy Locane and her girls are in a talent show singing “Mr. Sandman,” and surprisingly this is more accurate than not. The A cappella Choir here on campus is exactly that, a group of guys and girls who meet weekly to practice singing in order to put on a show. Started by Shawn, who missed choir when he came to UNBC, four years ago, the Choir has 66 had slowly built up its members into a steady 15-20 people, peaking at 30-35 members two years ago which resulted in separate male and female choirs. The Choir performs in a variety of events throughout the fall and winter semesters. These events include a variety show, the Civic Centre Plaza Light Up, and most memorable to us UNBC students, the singing telegrams on Valentine’s Day! Meeting every Monday at 5:30pm in the Clubs Room, the Choir starts their meetings with tongue twisters and vocal warm-ups before diving into their practice. Usually practicing a variety of We've found if you put a bunch of people who sound okay together, they end up sounding sort song types the next few weeks they will devote their time to the love songs in preparation for the big Valentine’s Day rush. “We’re booking a table for the 2 weeks prior to Valentines and taking requests and class schedules. We usually do more pop songs or glee club songs” says Vice President Josh McLeod. “The hardest part is trying to incorporate the female vocals into the pieces, because even the high notes can be quite low.” With a core group of around 10 people, the A cappella Choir is welcoming any interested people to join them in their of good. rehearsals on Monday. “[We’ve] found if you put a bunch of people who sound okay together, they end up sounding sort of good,” continued Josh, “so we accept people at every skill level.” So whether you are a student with years of singing under your belt or someone who just wants to learn new songs, the A cappella Choir is the on campus club to be in for vocalists. The A Cappella Choir meets every Monday at 5:30 pm in the Clubs room in building 6. For more information email unbcacappellaclub@gmail .com. the residence semi-formal and no longer feel the need to make myself mesh. I think that’s part of growing up, maybe. You realize what works for you, and stick there. Some people do really well dry-humping each other, some of us just want to awkwardly swing dance to Biggie Smalls with our 3rd grade best friend. And both are okay. That’s the nice thing about leaving high school and residence: you learn that everyone will find people they can get along with, and be friends with. For me, Residence Semi-formal was one of the most awkward nights I’ve had in a while. The music wasn’t what I’m used to, I only knew about ten people in the whole room, and my dress kept slipping down. I still had fun, but it wasn’t my scene anymore. But to those of you who haven’t gone to a residence semi-formal yet, I strongly advise you to go next year. It’s an experience akin to death and taxes: inevitable, and strangely educational. And to the girl who barfed in her hand: we at Over the Edge salute you, brave party lioness. You are the greatest hope for the next generation.