OVER THE EDGE NEWSPAPER. OCTOBER 11, 2006

A Conversation on
Health — The Series

RORY CONROY
COLUMNIST

The BC government has recently
launched its long awaited review of
health cate delivery in this province. Pre-
mier Gordon Campbell invites British
Columbians to join him and his cabinet
in frank and open discussions about the
perennial Crisis’ in health services and
the media whipping boy, ‘medicare.

Last week, in order to set the stage
for open and unbiased discussions, Fi-
nance Minister Carole Taylor paraded

CODY WILLETT
COLUMNIST

Ok, I'm just a lietle upset that I didn't
make the list of the Top 50 Most Pre-
tentious People. I mean Chris Martin of
Coldplay? Cumon! The guy's fouts the
pretentious nature of being a rockstar
simply by virtue of settling down in-
stead of living a booze and coke fueled
groupie loving lifestyle. The sheer auda-
city of being mad I didn't make the list
should be enough to get me on it. OTE

before the media's finest to announce
that British Columbians, if not all Can-
adians, will experience a crisis’ (get used
to this term) in the delivery of health
care in just a few short years. Tragically,
our health care system is unsustainable;
by 2017 (interestingly health care will
survive the Olympics) health care will
consume a staggering 71% of the prov-
incial budget. Coupled with education
(another sacred cow), the two ministries
will spend almost the entire provincial
income leaving all other budgetary sec-
tors to fend for themselves. Ms Taylor,
dressed in black, had not intended in
any way to influence the colour of the
‘conversation. When asked to comment,
she said,“ What, this old thing?”

Shocked and dismayed, I cannot help
but think that we (you) should fall down
on our (your) knees, flagellate ourselves
(yourselves) and berate ourselves (your-
selves) for our (your) collective over
consumption of health units, Without a
doubt it is up to us (you) to correct this
materialistic approach to health.

OK I (yes I) will lead this movement
by assuring one and all that I will dis-
continue my habit of skulking in and
around the emergency ward at PGRH

and UNBC, you dropped the ball on
this one.

From the above, would you guess that
today I'm going to talk about our cul-
ture of disease care, the corporatization
of the cure search process, and breast
cancer? My guess is not. Maybe I’m not
as pretentious as I let on after all. Oh

- well, Anyways, today the human species

is closer than ever to unlocking the last
secrets to curing all diseases.and extend-
ing life well past 100 years old. We've
mapped the human genome, tracked
down the genes that cause diseases like
MS, and are working on nanotechnol-
ogy that has the potential to actually
go into cells and repair damage. We're
even beginning to grow cells that move
in a rhythm like a beating heart via stem
cells taken from menstrual flows. All of
this means that we are soon to be in con-
trol of most maladies that threaten our
physical well-being.

However, we must ask ourselves why
we still look to the healthcare system to
take the place of health conscious living

in search of unused or unpopular health
units. I may even return some of the
units that I have acquired (pilfered is
too harsh) and hoarded over the years
and secreted under my bed. Although
they comfort me, providing for tranquil
slumber at night, it would be a selfless
gesture ( — and well that's the kinda guy
Iam).

I must admit that I have learned to
enjoy my time in ‘merg’ (you can tell by
my embrace of technical medical ter-
minology that I truly feel a part of the
scene). I will surely miss drug induced
rants in bleak corridors, the splatter of
blood products, vomit, stale cigarette
smoke, the trauma, and the repetitive
accident accounts of freaked out teen-
agers to equally freaked out parents. Did
I mention the slippery floors? And the
smell? I will miss the seemingly. endless
mind-numbing hours on unmercifully
hard chairs; oh my god, how I will miss
the back pain. I will miss cold coffee in
soggy paper cups (it was coffee - - wasn't
it?)

I will miss triage. Who lives; who
dies; just like ER. I often imagine myself
playing the role of ‘House’; “That's not
her bloody leg,’ I say gruffly. “She never

styles. Why do we tempt fate by living
as if these miracle cures are already de-
veloped enough to save us when we fall
ill? By now, it’s no secret that our health-
care system is so overburdened that it is
not sustainable even though we continu-
ally spend upwards of 40% of out entire
provincial budget on it, Yet we continue
to eat junk food because it tastes good,
drink our livers into cirrhosis, pollute
our cities expecting the problem to end
up far away, and buy/use products that
pose serious risks to our health. Hell,
why not? We'll just get medicated for
it! I'm sure they make drugs for that.
And exercise? Sorry, not now, I'm too
busy sitting on my ass watching Despet-
ate Housewives. It teaches me way too
much about life to miss it, Id apologize
to those I’ve offended who are guilty of
this lifestyle, but I don't think I deserve
an apology, and I've lived this way too.
What I'm trying to say is that we need
to wake up and give our heads a col-
lective shake and pledge not to emulate
the baby boomers who taught us to life

had two!”“How can you be sooo cruel?”
laments a comely (stacked) nurse. “That
leg,’ says I. “Belongs to her Siamese
twin.’ “But then where is her twin?”
coos an equally comely (stacked) nurse.
“Why it's obvious to this professional,
she's in Siam,” says I. Muffled screams
permeated the foreground as the patient
is wheeled to a well appointed toxic
linen closet off the hallway. “Where's my
bloody leg — it's mine! Must I be severed
again?” Unmoved by the tragedy of it all,
I turn to the next victim - - ahh, patient.
I just love triage — but then that's the
kinda guy Iam.

I should interject here that, whatever
you think, dont expect health care or
television for that matter to make sense;
T dont. Health care is mysterious and,
well kinda technical. And we can talk
about it but I dont think Mr. Camp-
bell is going to like what he hears. I'll
gladly tell my story, warts and all. Yes I
have a plantar (or is it planetary) wart
on my, well, lets just say I have one. And
well if he wants to get to the seat of my
problems, he can humour me about my
haemorthoids (speaking of planets - ac-
tually they're asteroids) and. of course
who can forget the very painful and the

like this. Surprise, they will be the ones
clogging up the hospital beds we're go-
ing to need for legitimate illnesses in the
future.

This brings me to who benefits from
keeping us blissfully ignorant of a better
way of life, The corporations that make
the products we consume to our detri-
ment, the entertainment industry that
keeps us sedentary and knowledgeable
of consumer products (rarely the healthy
stuff), and the pharmaceuticals who
make their money producing expensive
drugs to dull the pain and keep us tick-
ing till our next ailment are all acces-
sories to the crimes we commit against
ourselves and nature. Take the‘pink rib-
bon product’ based corporatization of
breast cancer research. What you have
is corporations pushing products that
give nominal amounts to research funds
if you buy their product. The funds are
contingent on proof of purchase, are
usually capped (a recent Yoplait Yogurt
campaign donated 10 cents for every lid
they got mailed back to them, to a cap

insidious CTS (Crapal Tunnel Syn-
drome!).

So together, we must join with our
Premier. Whatever the outcome of the
“Conversation on Health’, it would be
foolish of us to expect that change will
come about without the critical thinking
and input from the great unwashed. In
his wisdom, the Premier wants to add
another pillar to medicare, that of sus-
tainability, bringing the total number of
pillars (legs) to six. Sustainability is ac-
tually code for finding a way to finance
our indiscretions meaning you and I
will pay more. (Webster's: to suffer or
endure injury; pilloried). I, want to add
a few more legs, that of stability, trans-
parency, and accountability, If we all put
our collective shoulders to the wheel and
our heads, well wherever, I'm certain
that we can conjure up more pillars; give
health delivery a leg up —so to speak. I
can see great possibilities in the resulting
“medical millipede.’ Last word though,
if I may get serious for a moment; we'll
pay now or well pay later — but pay we
will !

Next issue — A less serious look at the
‘Conversation on Health.

of $80 000) and are not scrutinized on
how they allocate the money they raise.
Really, this exposure benefits the com-
pany most. Why arent these funding
drives aiming the money raised at pre-
vention of breast cancer rather than a
cure? A womans lifetime risk of breast
cancer was one in 22 in the 1940's; in
2004 it was one in seven. Now tell me
the problem isn't in our lifestyles.

Let's focus on prevention of chronic
diseases before we sell our health to the
lowest priced competitor. By changing
our lifestyles, we'll least feel better that
we took the responsibility upon our-
selves to do all that we could to ease the
burden on the medical system. After all,
the universality of | Medicare was
meant to be most responsive to
those most at risk and vulnerable to sick-
ness. Last time I checked; baby boomers
that are too lazy to take care of them-
selves but have lots’‘of disposable income
dont fit the category.

Why I’m Better
Than You

TYLER CLARKE
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR

An argument I get quite often is that
I'm closed-minded. I’m closed minded
because I don't believe in people having
numerous random sexual partners. I’m

closed minded because I laugh at people
of all types. Frequently. It's argued I'm
pretentious: because I think I'm better
than most people. How do I argue this
personal attack? Well. I am better than
most-people, I’m likely better than you.
If I didn't think this, something would
be very wrong. The fact that you're fur-
rowing your brow in anger right now, or
at the very least thinking I'm a moron,
proves my point. At this moment you
think you're better than me. And all the
power to you.

If people like us didn’t constantly criti-
cize others, we would have no culture.
There would be no Canada, America,
Chile, because there would be nothing
tying people together as nations. We have

to conform to one another, in some way,
and the most common way we do this is
by trying to impress one another. People
are generally impressed when they meet
someone very much like themselves. You
could easily argue against this by citing
subcultures, but I'll spare you a long rant
by myself and say that subcultures, in
some way, always end up conforming to
social norms, which are created by criti-
cism and insults.

If | wear crappy Wal-Mart sweat pants
to school one day, I'll be looked down
upon, and criticized. If not verbally, at
least subtly, in that you'll try your best to
avoid me. This is why you're likely wear-
ing jeans right now, even though, as we
all know, sweat pants are more comfort-

able.

If you sleep with a lot of people, you
will be criticized as being a slut, by
people who have had less sexual partners
than yourself. It's because of this think
they're better than you. This is necessary
for the good of humanity. Although that
sounds overly-dramatic, it's true. With
rising HIV/AIDS rates among people
of all walks of life, having less sexual
partners so you're not considered a slut
is a good thing. If not for people insult-

“ing others, HIV/AIDS rates would

likely be higher, because people would
do whatever they please, and have sex
with as many people as they feel like.
People are generally stupid, so constant
criticism aids in preventing them from

acting on their naturally quite stupid
ways that can harm both themselves,
and others.

Although I feel dirty for making use
of a text book, I’m going to use this op-
portunity to quote Charles Darwin's The
Descent of Man: “A moral being is one
who is capable of reflecting on his past
actions and their motives-- of approv-
ing of some and disapproving of others.”
Although in this same text Darwin also
says that “Both sexes ought to refrain
from marriage if they are in any marked
degree inferior in body or mind,’ I think
the first quote is valid, and fitting,