FEBRUARY 11, 2004 All about Viruses By Earson Gibson Viruses have been a mystery to biologists for two reasons. They do not appear to be living organisms in any conventional sense, yet somehow they evolve into different strains. How can something that isn’t alive evolve in an effort to ensure its own survival? Sharp readers will notice the fallacy in the above question. Why assume that viruses evolve to ensure their own survival? Isn’t is just as likely they exist to ensure the survival of an other organism, or possibly entire ecosys- tems? There is a theory to explain viruses role in evolution, but first we have to take our definitions into con- cern. On a cosmic scale, the Living Earth classifies as one enormous organism careening through space, a singular cell capable of self-sustain- ment despite the cold vacuum of space around it. This isn’t hard to imagine when you consider that all organisms on Earth share the same fundamental similarity, what our species has dubbed ‘genetics’. This indicates that everything alive on our planet evolved from the same primor- dial source, probably the first simple cell to appear on the Earth with the evolutionary potential to cover most of the planet. After billions of years of evolution, the current global-organism is the product of the mutation of a single prehistoric blob of protein. That’s right, you share about 10% of your genetics with a blade of grass, about 50% with a banana, and 99.9% with a chimpanzee, So how do viruses fit into the pic- ture? Despite not being ‘alive’ in the conventional sense of the term, could Aquarius: More trouble in your romantic life this week. Again. God you suck. I mean, seriously... how many times is this now? Have you ever stopped to think that there’s a common denomi- nator between. all your horrible rela- tionships? You. Pisces: You will be asked your opinion in a delicate diplomatic matter this week. There are many ways you could go about dealing with it, One of these is carefully talking through the problem. One of these is sulfuric acid. Choose wisely, Aries: Life is like a bowl full of piranhas. It’s out for your sweet meaty flesh. Taurus: Romance lies thick in the air for you this month. It’s odour is noxious and heady, and not totally un-reminiscent of what an incontinent Panda’s lair might smell like. Gemini: The stars seem to indicate that you should be doing some buggering off soon. To whom and when is unclear, these viruses be an offshoot of the same ccll we descended from? To answer this question we need to remember grade eleven biology. *Ahem* “Living organisms have immune systems that protect them from invading organisms.” After billions of years of evolution, the current global-organ- ism is the product of the mutation of a sin- gle prehistoric blob of protein. That's right, you share about 10% of your genetics with a blade of grass, about 50% with a banana, and 99.9% with a chimpanzee. Things like bacteria and viruses use our bodies like ecosystems, proliferat- ing and multiplying, ultimately killing us. We have white blood cells that protect us from organisms that threat- en our survival, and if the Earth is a giant organism, what ensures its sur- vival from life threatening organisms like the human race? You heard right, viruses are an immune system for the Earth. We have to consider how viruses have been evolving since our species has been able to observe and study them. Take HIV for example, the most feared virus in our culture since the seventies. The earliest discovery of HIV by American scientists was in 1969, resulting in studies that fourtd: but in seedier circles it’s a sure thing at 8 to one odds that itll involve you finding out about your roommate’s fetish for your used tissues. Cancer: Last issue you may have gotten kind of a bum horoscope. This issue, you'll receive only uplifting and useful advice the kind that is really going to help you and guide your choices in an insightful and applicable way. Oh... I've run out of room. So sorry. May | suggest taking up being a Virgo? Leo: Your soul mate is out there, just look- ing for you. Unfortunately, they’re on the planet of Megamaximillion 12, which at 387 light years away takes slightly longer to get to than say, Megamaximillion 11, or Quesnel. They also breath Nitrogen and have no orifices, so French kissing would be a real problem anyhow. Virgo: All you do is run away from your problems, You choose to ignore things that pile up. Luckily for you, most of your problems relate to other people, and a small vial of Anthrax can solve most them. similar viruses (SIVs, or Simian Immunodeficiency Viruses) in certain monkeys, most notably the Simian monkey and the Sooty Mangaby inon- key of Africa. These little fellows live in the deep rain forests, and at some point in the middle of the century a human acquired the first case of HIV from contact with an infected monkey. When a virus moves from one species to another it is called ‘zoonosis’, and happens quite frequently (remember, we share 99.9% of chimps genes). It is amazing the HIV virus didn’t appear before the fifties, but consider- ing what was happening in Africa when it appeared, the mystery some- what defogs. The human population was exploding! People were slashing and burning deeper into the rain- forests than every before, and natural ecosystems were being destroyed left, right and center. During this time the SIV virus was waiting patiently for a human to take one step too far into the ancient forests, like a biological time bomb ready to explode into the global human population. The destruction of rainforest ecosystems in the Cradle of the Earth triggered the explosion. HIV has already mutated into two distinct strains since then, one more deadly than the other. How will the continued destruction of the Global Organism affect the mutation of viruses? Could there be more danger- ous viruses waiting even deeper in the jungles? Don’t be afraid, yet, but if HIV mutates into an airborne virus which it has the potential to do on a long enough timeline, people who duct tape their houses won't seem so funny anymore. You seck change and excitement in your lifestyle. The stars (vodka) tell me that you should take up a nice hobby, like playing D&D... or you could just cut off your genitals now and save yourself the trouble, since you'll never get laid again. Scorpio: You are deep and need to be cared for. Like the Ocean. You are filled with garbage and dead whales. Like the Ocean. You smell salty and dirty. Like the ocean. Sagittarius: The ascension of Venus indicates that while you outwardly appear an inter- esting individual, you are, in reality, a dull and irritating person to be around. You should probably kill yourself. Capricorn: This month, the planets are active in your quadrant. Jupiter is in opposition to Mars, Saturn is not pleased with Pluto, Donald Duck is mad at Goofy, Neptune is in transit, Mercury is in the thermometer and your lucky colour is puce. Disclaimer: These horoscopes were written by two hormonal baboons. Use with caution. Currure 17 Photo by Dana Schwehr Wild blizzard conditions at UNBC forced students to bundle up and quick- ly run for the cover of their vehicles. Snow sucks. We hates it! We hates those fat hobbitses. Out on Campus What does it mean For the longest time, I did not know what it truly means to be gay. Searching the web only gave me the typical answer, “when an individual is sexually attracted to the same sex.blah blah blah.” Somehow, I felt the answer was not complete. So I went onto gay chat to find out what gay guys/girls think. Here is a com- pilation: 1) It means the same as being straight; love is love, stop trying to differentiate everything, is. anyone writing an article about what it is to be straight? Everyone is the same. 2) It means to be myself and be able to express myself to the world 3) It means a life that lived with judgment from others that have no business judging me or telling me who I can or can’t marry or love, I have to live life for me and not oth- ers 4) It means I don’t have to get married and spend my life raising kids 5) It’s a unique sense of personal freedom, society has no expectation of you, it’s pretty good actually 6) Good things and bad things like anything else 7) You can wear anything you want 8) It’s all about journey, take a chance 9) You want to hook up some- time? 28, 5°10”, blue eyes, interest- ed? 10) T like men 1b) It means what I am to be “gay’ anyway? 12) Being straight is the same as being gay - the only difference is what goes on in the bedroom 13) Everyone has a test in life and a path that they must take to find their peace. People who are sur- vivors of hurt/pain and the,ability to move on, energize them tend to be in the tougher situations. I think it is based on what the soul can handle. 1 totally believe in faith and every- thing happens for a reason. So some people are given the test of being gay. Not so much of being with the same sex, but connecting the soul. 14) Emotional, physical, mental, sexual attractive to the person of the same sex 15) Pm in the closet 16) Sex 17) Being different from other people 18) Wanting to be with that spe- cial guy emotionally and physically 19) ‘To have love and respect, sex is a result, not an end 20} My straight friends are happi- er, they have fewer problems. It took my dad about 5 years to get used to it. I told my dad over the phone and had to listen to him yell a lot for sev- eral years. Every time he would tell me I will be unhappy being gay. I had to reassure him I enjoy being gay. My mom told me that my dad watches all of the gay shows on TV now, and he likes queer eye. Thank you to all contributors for giving me permuission-to post their personal feelings. :