BABY STEPS: A PARENTING SUPPORT AND EDUCATIONAL GROUP
By

Kylie Philpotts
B.Ed., University of British Columbia, 2002

PROJECT SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF
THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTERS IN EDUCATION
IN
COUNSELLING

UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
April2012

© Kylie Philpotts, 2012

UNNERSITY of NORTHERN
BRITISH COLUMBIA

LIBRARY
Prlnoe Geofge, B.C.

ii

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Table of Contents

n

. Acknowledgement

1v

Chapter 1: Introduction

1

Significance of the Project

1

Purpose and Rationale

5

Other Parenting Programs and the Impact on Williams Lake

6

Additional Considerations

11

Chapter 2: Literature Review
Effects of Parenting on the Relationship

12
13

Dynamics and Expectations of Couples

14

Multiple Roles Within Families

15

Effective Communication Between Partners - Becoming Co-parents

17

Family of Origin

19

Understanding Emotional Intelligence: The Link to Academic Success

21

The Group Approach

24

Initial Stage

25

Transition Stage

26

Working Stage

28

Final Stage

29

The Baby Steps Group

30

Supervision and Facilitator Self Care

31

In Session Care of Infants by Elderly Volunteers

33

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Chapter 3: Program Overview

35

Theories that will Guide Group Sessions

35

Selection of Group Members

39

In-session Care of Infants

40

Overview of Manuals

40

Psycho-educational Components

41

Conclusion

41

Chapter 4: Facilitator' s Manual

43

Appendix A: Baby Steps Flyer

63

Appendix B: A Parenting Questionnaire for Participants

64

Appendix C: Parent Information Package

65

Appendix D : Final Feedback Questionnaire

66

References

67

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Acknowledgement
To say that this project was a group effort would be an understatement. So many people
contributed to its completion in ways beyond just academics. Firstly, I would like to thank
John Sherry. John stood by me, encouraged me, and believed in me when I no longer
believed in myself. And, to the other members of my committee, Linda O'Neill and Ralph
Wright, their knowledge, patience, and guidance inspired me to research new ideas.
I also give thanks and love to my family, and friends who became family, as they
supported me throughout everything. And fmally, to my little monkeys, London and
Linkoln, who know all too well the words: school, mommy' s homework, and the project.
You two are my sunshine, my stars, my inspiration, and every reason I will ever need.

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Chapter 1: Introduction
Becoming a parent for the first time can be both stressful and joyful. For many,
having a new little person in their life is the missing piece of the puzzle. Thoughts of first
words, first steps, first day of school , and all the other "firsts" and wonderments of
parenting are overwhelming. Inexperienced, first time parents struggle with the transition
to parenthood, and various stressors during this transition not only put the relationship of
the parents in jeopardy, but also the child ' s emotional and physical well-being as well.
The purpose of this project is to define and create a proactive program that could exist
within our small community that would assist new parents in the transition to parenthood.
This program is a proactive approach to help families within the community of Williams
Lake. As the program moves forward, the need for such a program in our community will
be assessed on an ongoing basis. Anecdotal reports from parents to be and new parents
within the community will serve as a basis for the direction and focus of the program.
Significance of the Project
As an educator within the community of Williams Lake, I observe each day how
our community' s children are struggling, socially, emotionally, and academically within
our schools. Government agencies, districts, and schools, rather than operating in a
preventative manner, are more reactive in planning, programming, spending, and focus.
Programs such as Families and Schools Together (FAST), fail to thrive in our community.
Within the first two years of the program being run, the FAST program was discontinued
because of lack of interest with families, and difficulty recruiting staff to participate
outside school hours. This particular program focused on bringing the families of at risk

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students together, and through the leadership of teachers and community members, work to
create a stronger bond through learning and social activities. Schools around the province,
and schools within District 27, the Williams Lake school district, are filled with children
who are labeled as "1701's". These students have been subjected to a variety of tests,
academic and social in nature, completed mainly by district psychologists, and are then
given a certain letter code within the 1701 category. Each letter stands for a certain
learning disability or behavior issue and only some of the students receive funding for the
academic/emotional issues that they are up against.
There are additional categories in which students are placed, who do not receive
any additional funding for their specific needs. Included are: Mild Intellectual Disabilities
(Category K), Gifted (Category P), Learning Disabilities (Category Q), and Students
Requiring Behaviour Support or Students with Mental Illness (Category R). It is the
Category R students, those who are suffering from depression and other mental health
concerns that are becoming more prominent within our classrooms, and, apparently,
children are entering this category at a very early age.
Unfortunately, labeling and ignoring these issues has become a common way in
which most people in our society address these issues. Neufeld (2004) points out that,
"parents seek the formal diagnoses of a professional, or grasp at informal labels" (p. 56).
Additionally, schools within the district, as in all districts throughout the province, have
very limited counseling time available to their students. On average, each elementary
school only receives a day or two a week to work with enormous case loads of students.
Other smaller schools west and east of the city, have counseling time once every two
weeks. There is one school however, within the city limit that is the exception. This

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particular school, which also ran the FAST program, lies within the city center. This
school is now deemed a "Community School", and because of the particular needs of the
students at this school, a counsellor has been appointed full time. It is obvious within our
schools, as evidenced by the lack of counseling support systems, that we have allowed, and
perhaps have contributed to, the breakdown of family structures, traditions, and values, and
now children are raising each other. We spend most of our school day working to bring
our children and their families back from turmoil and, often, many of the difficult issues
that our children face outside of school becomes the problem of educators and
administrators. Perhaps the needs of students within Williams Lake would be less if, as
Neufeld (2004) states, "we could see that the education of our young is a social
responsibility shared equally by parents, teachers, and all the adults who come into contact
with our young - and, too, of all those who shape the nature of the society and culture in
which children develop and learn about life" (p.175). Children within our city are coming
into school unprepared socially and emotionally, and are not able to become effective
learners. Furthermore, inexperienced parents are struggling through the first few years of
their children ' s lives, trying to balance the stresses of daily life, without strong support
systems in place. This paired with the lack of counseling support in the school systems
creates a tenuous situation.
The small community of Williams Lake, BC, although supported with some
programs for parents, mainly those defined as "at risk", is in need of a program that works
with parents who may not fall within that mandate. The parents of our community require
the opportunity to meet with others, in a safe and confidential environment, to discuss their
struggles, worries, and everyday joys of becoming a new parent. To have such a group

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facilitated by a qualified counsellor, could provide greater opportunities for parental
success in Williams Lake. The idea is to work with new parents to help them better address
the difficulties that often come with raising a newborn; this will assist families in
developing a strong foundation, and in some ways help families become more resilient.
The purpose of the Baby Steps project is to create a psycho-educational support
group for new parents within the community ofWilliams Lake, to assist new,
inexperienced parents through their transition into parenthood. The group will be open to
all new parents and participants do not need to fit in any "at risk" (financially or
emotionally) category in order to take part in the group. The focus of the group will be to
aid families in the transition to parenthood and becoming a healthier family. The group
will be psycho-educational in nature, led by a qualified facilitator, but will also provide
regular opportunities for sharing and discussion. Topics for discussion and teaching will
include, but will not be limited to : parenting, finances, conflict resolution, self-care, and
infant growth and development. The activities will be guided by research and will be
based on the needs of the participants. A list of resources and references that can be read
and discussed will be provided at the first of twelve meetings.
It is not that the community of Williams Lake doesn't offer opportunities for new
parents. Our community does offer a wide variety of parent-child play groups and other
opportunities for new parents (directed mainly to stay at home moms), to connect with
others. However, there are no current programs that are directly designed to include both
parents and, or other direct caregivers. In fact, there are no programs available that help
new parents work through the first months of their child ' s life together, with a guiding
facilitator, in a psycho-educational format. Programs neglect to provide support for the

5

financial, emotional, parental, and relationship needs that new parents require within the
first months of becoming a family.
Keeping the social, emotional, and academic development of infants and children
in mind, this project is designed to consider many questions. In addition to improved
parenting skills, the initiative behind this program is to create a stronger relationship
between parents during the transition to parenthood, therefore increasing the resiliency and
stability of families. "Couples with more satisfying marriages work together more
effectively with their children in the preschool period, and their children tend to have an
easier time adapting to the academic and social demand of elementary school" (Cowan &
Cowan, 1992, p. 60). Families based in a strong, healthy parent relationship will most
likely increase success for children.
Purpose and Rationale

When considering this project, the first question that was reflected on, as a general
starting point was: "How could early support groups that are more preventive, and psychoeducational in nature, help build stronger, more resilient families within our community?"
In exploring this idea, it seems as though many of the support groups for families in

Williams Lake are directed towards those who are already seen as "at risk" families . This
could be for a variety of reasons. Poverty, mental health issues, drug and/or alcohol abuse,
or previous Ministry involvement are among some of the possible reasons. Unfortunately
there is a lack of services that do preventive work in this area. It is clear that the
community lacks preventative programs in this area and brings up the question: "How
could community-based support groups help new parents?"

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For the purpose of this project, the term "new parent" needs is defmed as: those,
single or partnered, different or same-sexed, who have recently, within the last six (6)
months, become parents, either through biological means or adoption.

Other Parenting Programs and the Impact on Williams Lake
With research findings supporting the idea that the majority of new parents
struggle with their new responsibilities and roles, it is obvious that there is an intense need
to assist first time parents. As LacChance-Grzela and Bouchard (2009) point out, "in the
particular context of the transition to parenthood, stress arising from opposing demands of
work and family could lead new parents to experience difficulties in adjusting to their new
role, namely that of mother or father" (p. 740). As early as the 1970 ' s in the United States,
studies began to appear that focused on the needs of new parents throughout the country.
However, it wasn ' t until the late 1980' s that various analyses had been conducted in
regards to these studies. Philip and Carolyn Cowan (20 10), pioneers in studying the new
parent transition, began looking at each study conducted within this particular area from
the late 1980' s. Although findings were informative, many were inconclusive and a metaanalysis found little evidence that parents were participating in interventions that began
with parents in the prenatal stage and continued until well after their babies were born.
Based on research results of 31 studies, Pinquart & Teubert discovered that interventions
have, on average, significant effects on many aspects of parenting, including child abuse
and neglect, child development, parental psychological health and stress levels, and
adjustment as a couple (Pinquart & Teubert, 2010). However Schulz, Cowan, and Cowan
(2006) could find no long-term evaluation of a couples-focused preventive intervention for
partners becoming parents.

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-

7

With the new addition to the family, come new responsibilities, just adding to their
already hectic lives. Schulz, Cowan, and Cowan (2004) agree, stating that " balancing the
daily demands of work outside the home, parenting, household tasks, and martial
relationships is difficult for many men and women , particularly those with young children"
(p. 261 ). Programs exist throughout Canada that provides parents with support during the
transition to parenthood. For example, the province of British Columbia has offered a
program in a variety of communities called the "Nobody' s Perfect Parenting Program".
This program is described by Health Canada as:
A national education and support program developed by Health Canada in the
Maritimes in 1987 ... it helps parents of children up to five years of age to increase
their parenting knowledge and skills, and promote the healthy development of their
children. Parents may also learn life-skills such as budgeting, and stress and anger
management, and are referred to community resources (Chislett and Kennett, 2007,
p. 475).
Williams Lake has never had the opportunity to offer such a program. However, this
program has been reported to be very successful and has even been exported to a variety of
countries around the world. Research completed by Chislett and Kennett (2007) found a
variety of information regarding parenting, parent education, and the link to positive
parent-child interactions. The purpose of the program was to increase parental knowledge
about child development and the research found that the increased knowledge of parenting
skills led to increased parental confidence. This confidence led to more positive
interactions within families, primarily between parents and their children. The Baby Steps
program will also aim to increase parental knowledge with opportunities for learning and
discussion regarding infant and child development, communication through conflict, and
financial changes and struggles.

~~~~~~~~~~~--------------

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8

The Child Development Center, Child Care Resource and Referral Center, and
Pathways to Competence for Young Children: A Parenting Program, are three major
resources for new parents in Williams Lake. The Child Development Center, which
focuses on child development, is one resource that offers a wide variety of services to
families, such as speech and language pathology, physiotherapy, and behavior consulting.

In addition, families are given opportunities to participate in classes such as prenatal
classes and infant massage, for a small fee. The Child Care Resource and Referral Center
offers parents of children ages 0 - 6 a few opportunities to assist in child development.
For example, Mother Goose Story and Rhyme Time, and a parent participation play group
are two programs that are offered through this service. However, each of the
aforementioned programs is only offered during the day, often when one parent or the
other is at work. The third resource available to parents in the community of Williams
Lake is the Pregnancy Outreach Center. Out of the three, this particular center provides the
most in terms of resources and education for new parents within our community. Although
the Outreach center works with all members of our community, their focus is mainly on
Ministry mandated parents and families. Many of the offered programs, with the exception
of one, are geared towards the "at risk" families of our community. The one exception that
was recently offered through the Pregnancy Outreach Center is called "Pathways to
Competence for Young Children: A Parenting Program". This particular program is
designed so that local professionals can work together with parents in order to help them
understand their child's emotional and social development. The focus of the program is
psycho-educational, with lessons and sessions focusing on temperament and emotional
cues that emerge as the child progresses. In a book review completed by Worcester

9

(2005), he discusses the program and provides information in regards to the purpose. He
briefly discusses each chapter of the book, concluding that:
The Pathway program provides a structured environment for learning about body
control and image, attachment, play, language and communication, self-esteem,
self-regulation and morality, emotional regulation, problem solving, and empathy
(Worchester, 2005, p. 85).
This particular program, which seemed to be quite comprehensive, ended in Williams Lake
due to lack of funding and qualified facilitators within the community. It was stated that
the program became more of a support group rather than an educational group, and the
facilitators were not equipped to deal with the situations that arose. Many of the
participants, upon discovering their own parenting styles and ideas, began to reflect on
their own upbringing and how they themselves were raised, and with this, came great
emotional turmoil for some. Seemingly, due to lack of funding and the lack of qualified
professionals to facilitate such groups, it is unlikely that this type of program will reemerge
in Williams Lake in the near future. The Baby Steps project could be a prospective answer
to the need in our community. This program will offer the parents in our community the
opportunity to speak openly in a professionally led support group. Parents will not have to
forfeit much of their personal time in order to attend. The Pathways program required
participants to devote two hours every two weeks to attend the program. The Baby Steps
project would require only one to one and a half hours of time every two weeks, and the
timeline could be adjusted easily to the needs of the participants within the group. Unlike
the Pathways program, which was generally geared towards parents past the transitional
stage, the Baby Steps program will provide learning and sharing opportunities prenatally.
Research supports that "programs that began prenatally or at birth have more success"

10

(Chislett & Kennett, 2007, p. 476). The Baby Steps program, much like the Pathways
program and the Nobody' s Perfect program, would touch on the social and emotional
development of children, and would provide the structured support group for all those
involved in raising the child. Furthermore, this program would be advertised to include
both caregivers; the Baby Steps project not only focuses on the parents' relationship with
their child, but also the parents ' relationship together, whether they are living together or
not. The program will spend time working with the parents on their relationship in order to
create a positive, caring environment in which to raise their child.
It would be beneficial, as research states, to ensure that families of all backgrounds,
race, and socio-economic status, are provided the same opportunities to create the best
family situation as possible. Schulz et al. (2006) provide insight into this, believing that in
today' s society, most men and women becoming parents for the first time are virtually on
their own when it comes to figuring out how to balance and address the needs of their new
baby, their own relationship, and their commitments to work outside the family ... "if it is
left to new parents to work out this balance by themselves, the relationship between them
may be vulnerable to strain" (p. 30). "Despite a widespread recognition of the importance
of family relationships and the quality of family life on the psychological, physical, social
and economic wellbeing of children, many parents receive little preparation for parenthood
beyond their own personal experiences of being parents" (Bunting, 2004, p. 328).
One of the major ways in which this program will differ from others is that the
participants will begin the program while the pregnant mother is in the prenatal stage or the
family is close to adopting their newborn. Although research in regards to beginning a
parent support group within the prenatal stage is limited, Cowan, Cowan, & Schulz (2006)

11

point out that beginning a program such as this prenatally, will provide parents the
opportunities to anticipate many of the changes and challenges ahead, and share these
together. This program will focus on interventions that start during pregnancy or in the first
6 months after birth for the following reasons: (a) prevention should ideally start before
problems develop, (b) there are many new challenges in the transition to parenthood
(Cowan & Cowan, 2000), (c) there is a high risk of postnatal depression in the first months
after giving birth to a child, and (d) the first months of the child ' s life are crucial in terms
of attachment development (McElwain & Booth-LaForce, 2006, p. 247).
Before the baby even arrives, this program will offer the chance for parents to work
individually, together, and in a small group, to discuss their concerns, questions, and ideas
about becoming new parents. Allowing couples to explore their ideas and feelings, along
with their fears, of becoming parents can provide opportunities to enhance the couple 's
relationship. .
Additional Considerations
In addition to defining the term parent, and before beginning such a project several

therapeutic, ethical and moral issues that could arise need to be considered. For example,
would parents from mid-high socioeconomic families choose to participate, or would they
shy away because of a negative stigma of "parenting groups?" Would those who were
willing to participate share their stories openly, discussing personal issues? Furthermore,
would there be the existence of dual roles within the group because of the community size,
and if so, how would they be handled?

In designing this group, several other questions

were also considered. For example, would parents believe, in coming to such a support
group, that they were failures as parents? Perhaps, as a society, we make the assumption

12

that all new parents struggle in the formation of a family. But perhaps the biggest issue to
consider would be to take careful consideration and to not define successful parenting, and
the roles, values, and traditions that help to build strong families. The definition of
successful parenting will be different with each of the participants of the group, and this
could be based on a variety of aspects, mainly culture, ethnicity, personal values, and
traditions of each of the parents involved. When facilitating such a support group, one
would need to remember the importance of multi-cultural considerations when planning
and delivering each of the topics and activities. Williams Lake has a high Indo-Canadian
and First Nations population. It would be vital that the facilitator is cognizant of the
cultural makeup of the group and respond to their needs accordingly. In this group
participants will take the time prior to the first session to complete a "parenting
questionnaire" that will help to describe and defme individual ideas around parenting (See
Appendix B). The definition must be flexible and created by each participant within the
group.

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Chapter 2: Literature Review
There are numerous books on parenting that parents often tum to when floundering
with their children, looking for answers within the pages of a book, seemingly doubting
their abilities. As Neufeld (2004) points out, child-rearing experts and the publishing
industry give parents what they ask for instead of allowing parents to simply parent, based
on their own values, beliefs, and "gut instincts". Parenting groups are beginning to appear
in various communities to assist parents in their daily struggles. Research examining the
effects of parenting support groups is not as vast and readily available in comparison to the
previously stated literature. In fact, according to Cowan, Cowan and Schulz (2006), very
few interventions preventative in nature have been developed for first time parents, and
even fewer have been analyzed and evaluated for effectiveness. This seems disappointing
considering the links research shows between marital difficulties and negative
psychosocial and academic outcomes in effected children. Simkiss et al., (2010) suggest
that "sub-optimal parenting is a common risk factor for a wide range of health, social, and
educational outcomes" (p. 1471). Programs that could help to avoid this sub-optimal
parenting, have simply not been created in order to meet the needs of those making the
difficult transition to parenthood. Considering all of the related aspects involved in such a
life changing transition, such as relational effects, dynamics and expectations of couples,
family of origin issues, communication, and the increased pressures placed on parents
today, it seems unsatisfactory that more is not being done to ensure support and assistance.

14

Effects of Parenting on the Relationship.
Numerous studies and corresponding literature support the idea that becoming
parents takes an enormous toll on a couple. John and Julie Gottman (2007), pioneers in
parenting and marriage, have found that after the birth of the first baby, conflict and
hostility increases between partners, while marital satisfaction between partners, decreases.
It is during the transition into parenthood that effective attachments need to be created in

order to establish healthy relationships between all members of the family. This is easier
said than done. With increased pressures and responsibilities, less time for
communication, and multiple, poorly-defined roles, parents must navigate this new path
carefully, ensuring that they are creating the best possible environment for their new
addition.

Dynamics and Expectations of Couples
As roles of men and women begin to change in society, the same is true within
relationships, especially after the birth of a child. It is already difficult for many, with
increased pressures outside of the home, to adapt to the dynamics and expectations of each
other, as partners, and as parents. Throughout the transition into parenthood, the
expectation of spousal support, both emotional and physical, in addition to fmancial, is
perceived as vital to both parents. The definition of this support changes as the transition
is made, and has been linked to marital satisfaction for both men and women. As Simpson
and Rholes (2002), point out, marital satisfaction declined for both men and women when
each was seen as hesitant or ambivalent. Unsure and scared new parents could easily be
perceived as either of these when trying to adjust to their new roles, and without effective

15

and open communication in regards to expectations and feelings, this could be the
beginning of a relationship in trouble.
It is essential that parents-to-be and new parents are assisted in discussing their
expectations of each other in all aspects of their relationship as they move towards
becoming a family. In 2009, Hirschberger, Srivastava, March, Cowan & Cowan noted:
The transition to parenthood is a particularly important milestone event in a
marriage that provides excitement and joy, but it is also often related to distress in
the individual parents. Thus, the period following this transition may be a critical
time for determining the health and longevity of the marital relationship. (p.401)
Pinquart and Teubert (20 10) agree, and believe that for many couples, and for mothers in
particular, parenthood also causes negative experiences, such as decline in the quality of
the couple relationship, physical exhaustion, increase in psychological distress, and
difficulties with developing effective parenting behaviors.

Multiple Roles Within Families
Parenting in today's society is vastly different than parenting twenty or thirty years
ago. With more parents working outside of the home, the division between work, home,
and family responsibilities can be overwhelming. Viera, Avila, and Matos (2012) support
this idea, stating that "contemporary adults in dual-earner families with children face
increasingly new challenges in balancing their multiple roles as spouse, parents, and
workers" (p. 31 ). With role overload encroaching on our families, it is no wonder that
parents are struggling. Costigan, Cox, and Cauce (2003) discuss the concepts of role
overload within dual income families, and how these stressors effect parenting and the
attachments parents create with their children. In addition, the concept of internalized
stress and negative emotional responses are also linked to the increased financial burdens

16

weighing on parents. This negative emotional response affects parents' abilities to care for
their children after work hours, and their ability to work through conflicts both at home
and at work. Balancing work and family responsibilities takes energy away from parents,
and creates less rewarding and joyful experiences at home. These challenges are
increased after the birth of a child. Costigan et al. (2003) continue by noting:
... after the birth of the first child, family role arrangements and individual
adaptation become more strongly linked than they were before the transition to
parenthood and marital satisfaction tends to decline. The stressful aspects of this
transition may be exacerbated for couples that need to balance the demands of two
jobs in addition to negotiating new roles and responsibilities as parents. (p. 399)
The information and results contained within this article support the idea that the increased
pressures within families , due to role overload, are effecting the interactions with families
at home. These pressures, such as fmancial concerns, are causing increased stress and
decreased joy when parenting. Inexperienced, first time parents feel the stress even more,
as the authors further state that with the birth of the first child, the workload that new
parents take on, in addition to their already hectic lives, exponentially increases (Costigan
et al. , 2003).
Research in regards to role overload within families at the transition stage is rather

limited, but further findings by Lee, Lee, & August (20 11 ), discuss concepts of financial
stress, social support, and parental depressive symptoms and the correlation between the
three. The research indicates that disruptive parenting behaviours, including hostility,
anger, and withdrawal, are more likely to occur if parents are experiencing financial stress.
Typically, along with this financial stress is decreased social support and when dealing
with such difficult issues, parents often feel overwhelmed. Lack of energy and hope due to
this may cause parents to retreat to isolation, not wanting to seek the support of others.

17

This research also highlighted the importance of social support for parents and how this
type of support can increase the positive interactions between parents and their children.
One of the aims of the Baby Steps program is to assist parents both in the areas of
social support and interaction, while addressing the everyday difficulties faced by new
parents. The aim of the psycho-educational component focused on family finances is to
help parents learn to discuss openly their concerns, in a safe, confidential environment.
Consequently, it will be critical for the facilitator to be aware of the differences that may
exist within the group in regards to financial situations. The counsellor will need to
respond to each ofthe families' situations in a flexible and understanding matter. These
differences within the group could be better addressed by a community professional that
could discuss financial items, help parents through the transition stage, and help them to
build the knowledge, confidence, and effective communication skills they need in order to
assist them during difficult fmancial and emotional times. Having such knowledge will
not only benefit them during the parenthood transition stage, but it would also serve as a
tool throughout their lives, and can prove especially useful during difficult times.
Effective Communication Between Partners - Becoming Co-parents

During the transition to parenthood, and with the increased pressures of family and
work, effective communication between partners is vital in creating and/or maintaining an
optimal situation in which to build a family. Although nobody sets out for their marriage
to fail, however, as the number of children increases within a family, so does the chance of
marital dissatisfaction (Hirschberger et al. 2009). It is suggested that the introduction of
help and support within the early stages of parenting aids families withstand emotional,

18

physical, and financial chaos and assists parents in staying together. Included within the
realm of this help and support is the learning and practicing of effective communication
skills, through the use of couple enactments, which will be discussed later. Positive and
effective communication between parents will help to create and nurture a safe and caring
environment for which to raise their children. In a study completed by Coyl, Newland, and
Freeman (20 10), infant-parent attachments were discussed, looking at how a secure family
base helps to supports the child's connection to his/her parent. Negative interactions
between family members can alter this attachment relationship, and cause children to feel a
sense of insecurity. The article further discusses the idea of co-parenting, and how
effective communication in regards to family responsibilities and roles can help to create
this sought-after nurturing environment. Co-parenting, according to the authors is defined
as "how mothers and fathers either support or undermine one another in their mutual
parenting roles" (Coy I et al. 2010, p. 501 ). The idea of co-parenting is an effective way of
working with couples and their positive conflict resolution and communication skills,
while keeping their child(ren) at the center. Co-parenting is also discussed, in addition to
effective communication, in detail within the research of Margolin et al. ,2001; McHale,
2007. Other researchers further define this idea by stating:
Co-parenting is conceptualized as a broad construct composed of several factors
including parenting alliance and support, antagonism and undermining between
parents, division of childcare labour, the extent to which each partner is engaged in
the day-to-day organizing of the lives of their children, and triangulation. (as cited
in Morril et al. , 2010, p. 60)
Co-parenting effectively is a goal that could be set and worked on through the Baby Steps
program. Through activities and discussion, parents could build on the skills they already
possess in order to create effective problem solving situations. In addition, the program

19

would provide opportunities for parents to learn how to communicate effectively in order
to create and maintain a positive family environment that could withstand hardship. The
vast research in this area proves that "one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction
and stability is the way partner express emotions when they try to resolve disagreement"
(Mehta, Cowan, & Cowan, 2009, p. 895).

Family of Origin
Each of the aforementioned ideas: role overload, expectations, communication, and
the dynamics of a couple, all play an enormous role in becoming a parent. Just as
important, however, is one' s family of origin, and how each ofthese aspects contributed to
their upbringing. The family people grew up in, the relationship with one's parents, the
relationship between their mother and father, siblings, and the ideas that surround how they
were parented, all have an enormous influence as well. Whether positive or negative in
nature, each of these ideas work together and has an influence in the manner couples
navigate their way through the transition to parenthood and in the years beyond.
For example, Parenting 21 is an Australian parenting study that investigates how
the country' s parents are handling the task of rearing their own children, children who will
live the majority of their lives in the 21 st century. One of the main concepts that this study
focuses on is the background of the parents. Kolar ( 1999) examines this idea in her article
which discusses intergenerational influences that may play a role in parenting. She
reviews the program, Parenting 21 , and each of the themes that became apparent as people
began exploring their own family of origin, including: personal qualities, emotional and
physical nurturing, communication, involvement and availability, and discipline.

20

Respondents within the study discussed each of the themes, and whether they agreed with
the style and models their parents used, they believed that they had learned something
about parenting from their mothers and fathers (Kolar, 1999, p.68). Whether the lessons
learned were positive or negative in nature, parents will often be influenced by the way in
which they were parented as children and adolescents.
The idea of family of origin and its impact on parenting was further discussed
within the article by Beaton and Doherty (2007), but focused on a different aspect. Within
their research, the fathers' family of origin was studied, and the results were interesting.
This particular study found that fathers tend to model the positive relationships and
compensate for their negative relationships, based within their family of origin, when
parenting their children. Although one's family of origin may contain multiple, complex
relationships, the most important of these, is the one a father has with his own father. This
article focused on both the prenatal and postnatal time periods, and included discussion
and research regarding: closeness with mother, closeness with father, view of parents '
marital closeness, and view of parents' co-parenting relationship (Beaton & Doherty,
2007).
Family of origin and the impact that it has on parenting, is further complicated with
the idea that it also influences the relationship between a mother and a father. Relationship
behavior, according to some research, like that presented by Whitton et al. (2008) can be
greatly influenced by one's relationships and observations within their childhood years.
Although the article presents a variety of information, one key idea is the difference in
positive and negative interactions within family of origin, and the role that they play in
predicting future relationship behaviours and adjustment within children. Conflict and

21

communication are key features within this research, stating that "a couples' ability to
communicate constructively and effectively during times of conflict is a well established
predictor of marital health and longevity" (Whitton et al., 2008, p. 274). Successful
communication and conflict resolution between couples is characterized by listening,
attunement to feelings, and validation. Negative interactions within relationships, as the
article suggests, is not just the absence of positivity. However, hostility is a key indicator
within a marital relationship that may be the most damaging. Each of these aspects,
whether they be positive or negative, according to social learning theory, have an impact
on a child's developing communication skills. Children learn and develop communication
skills as they observe and participate in family interactions.
Understanding individuals and their family of origin is essential in understanding
one's beliefs in regards to not only their personal relationships, but also their role as a
parent. Whether positive or negative in nature, the family in which someone is raised has a
critical influence within someone's life.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence: The Link to Academic Success

Adding to the understanding of individual's beliefs, and a couple's relationship,
with each other and with their child, is the idea of emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman,
a pioneer and leader in emotional intelligence, defines it as "knowing what your feelings
are, using your feelings to make good decisions in life, being able to manage distressing
moods well, controlling your impulses, being motivated, remaining hopeful and optimistic,
and having empathy" (as cited in O'Neill, 1996, p. 6). Childhood is the first experience in
which children learn about emotion and feeling. Through observation and direct contact

22

with those closest to them, children begin to develop their own emotional intelligence.
Understanding others ' feelings, their own feelings, and how relationships are created and
maintained, are all a part of emotional intelligence. Positive or negative, children observe
and relate to others in their lives, and each of these encounters and "lessons" help to shape
the emotional beings that they become. As children grow, they need to learn the basics of
emotional intelligence, just as they would learn other social and academic skills.
Emotional intelligence is a learned and taught set of behaviours. As Goleman (1995)
points out, these behaviours include: learning how to recognize, manage, and harness their
feelings, as well as empathizing with others. In addition to becoming more attuned to their
own feelings and those of others, children whose emotional intelligence is nurtured and
explored in a positive manner, also experience a wide variety of social and academic
success as well. For example, "children tolerate frustration better, get into fewer fights,
and engage in less self-destructive behavior. They are healthier, less lonely, less
impulsive, and more focused. Human relationships improve, and so does academic
achievement" (Schilling, 1996, p. 6). Children who develop skills within emotional
intelligence are often seen as more skilled learners within the classroom.
Goleman ( 1995) addresses the idea further in his book, providing a list of the seven
critical "ingredients" for emotional and academic success for children. They include:
confidence, curiosity, intentionality, self-control, relatedness, capacity to communicate,
and cooperativeness. Each of these characteristics assists children in developing their
social skills within the academic setting as well. Children who possess these skills tend to
be less aggressive and more socially accepted within their own peer group.

23

As Daniel Goleman stresses in his research, children learn and develop emotional
intelligence beginning at a very young age. The relationship that they have with their
parents and the relationship their parents have with each other, is the first opportunity for
learning skills mentioned previously. It is critical, that relationships and interactions are
positive in nature, and provide children with numerous opportunities to live and understand
feelings, emotions, and empathy. The relationship between parents is a wonderful place to
begin positive modeling of appropriate emotional behaviours. Goleman ( 1995) believes
that the most critical skills for couples to develop and nurture within their relationship are
listening, validation, and empathy. He states that "listening is a skill that keeps couples
together (and) the most powerful form of non-defensive listening is empathy" (Goleman,
1995, p. 145). If conflict does occur, as it naturally will, the ability and willingness to
validate another's point of view, greatly increases the chances that the fight will deescalate. Families today are faced with so many obstacles. It is the daily lives of families
that are starting to take its toll on the strength of the family unit. As Brofenbrenner (as
cited in Goleman, 1995, p. 234) notes:
In the absence of good support systems, external stresses have become so great that
even strong families are falling apart. The hecticness, instability, and inconsistency
of daily family life are rampant in all segments of our society, including the welleducated and well-to-do ... We are depriving millions of children of their
competence and moral character.
Furthermore, despite what many may conclude, no children, rich or poor, are exempt from
the risk; these problems are universal, occurring in all ethnic, racial, and income groups
(Goleman, 1995).
The Baby Steps program will provide parents with opportunities to learn about
ideas surrounding emotional intelligence, within a structured setting. Parents will work

24

together to develop more effective and "active" listening skills and conflict management,
skills through a variety of different activities. These activities will provide opportunities
for group members to write, discuss, and role play in order to become more emotionally
intelligent partners and parents. Ideas about how to create an emotionally intelligent
environment for their child, and opportunities to discuss comments or concerns will also be
included within the weekly sessions. In addition, parents will be provided resources,
within their information package, in order to learn more about raising an emotionally
intelligent child, while nurturing their relationships as well. Ideally, the Baby Steps
program will be an effective, educational, and supportive program that will help to foster
positive relationships.
The Group Approach
A group approach would be beneficial for this project for a variety of reasons. First
and foremost, it would provide new parents, both the mother and father, an opportunity to
connect with others in the community that are experiencing many of the same day to day
issues. As Corey (2008) points out, a group setting offers opportunities for members to not
only learn how to cope with their problems, they are also provided opportunities for
modeling and observing others ' behaviours as well. In addition, group structures provide
rich feedback for participants. Psycho-educational groups, such as this one, are also
beneficial to participants, through sharing common experiences, offering support, and
imparting information. The information provided to parents within this group, whether it
is about finances or self-care, would be beneficial and practical for years to come. It is the
intention of this group project, that parents will receive vital information that can help

25

them to withstand the emotional, physical, and even financial chaos that can be added to
the already difficult task of becoming a parent.
Therapeutic groups go through a number of stages when working towards one
particular goal, or numerous goals, depending on the dynamics and needs of the group. No
matter the nature of these goals, as Y alom ( 1970) points out, the task of the therapy group
remains the same, striving to value seven (7) particular aspects that include acceptance of
the patient role, self-disclosure, honesty about feelings toward oneself and other members,
nondefensiveness, interest in and acceptance of others, support of the group, and personal
improvement (p . 51).

Initial Stage
Gerald Corey (2008), points out that the first few sessions as a time of exploration
and orientation. Yalom (1970) further claims that this initial stage is one of orientation,
hesitation in participation, and an individual ' s search for meaning. It is within the first two
or more sessions of the group, that participants and the facilitator discuss the timeline and
structure of the group. In addition, it is during this time that the confidentiality and
participation contract that was previously signed, would be discussed in further detail.
Handouts, those included in the parent' s manual, would be distributed by the facilitator.
The first few sessions are also a time for participants to bring forth their concerns
regarding their own situations, being in the group, and any issues regarding safety and trust
as it relates to the group . Yalom (1970), discusses the importance of cohesiveness within a
group, and believes that this is the core of a successful group. "The development of each
individual lies within the group membership, acceptance, and approval of that person"

26

(Yalom, 1970, p. 39). It is through early opportunities for story-telling and discussion that
participants begin to feel a sense of acceptance within the group. It is essential that within
the first few sessions that a sense of cohesiveness is formed within the group. For
"members of cohesive groups are more accepting of each other, more supportive, and more
inclined to form meaningful relationships in the group" (Yalom , 1970, p. 56). The initial
stage also helps to focus on the process of the group, the interaction between members.
Many members, expectedly, would have a great deal of anxiety around participating in
such a group as Baby Steps. It is essential for the group facilitator during this time, to
address the issues regarding anxiety that may be present within participants. As Yalom
(1970) points out, clarifying goals, expectations of behavior, and the structure and process
of the group will greatly help to alleviate and reduce many of the anxious feelings within
the group. It is then that the group can continue to progress.
Transition stage
As the schedule progresses and the parents ' new arrivals are beginning to attend,
the group will hopefully progress from the initial stage into the transition stage. Y alom
(1970) characterizes this stage as one filled with anxiety, conflict, dominance, and even
rebellion. Group members may now be experiencing feelings of anxiety, conflict, and
even resistance throughout the next few sessions, and post-partum effects may also be
prominent at this time. It is during this time, that participants may be at their most
vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. It will be vital to address each concern or
conflict as it arises, in a respectful and appropriate manner; continuing to create a
comfortable and accepting atmosphere is of the utmost importance. Group members need
to continually feel that they are accepted within the group. Sources of anxiety may include

27

feeling alone in terms of worries or concerns, worried that others may be judging them or
their situation, and perhaps just anxiety around all the changes in their life. Yalom (1970),
describes anxiety, stating that "anxiety is a natural consequence of being placed in a group
situation in which one' s expected behavior, the group goals, and the relevance to one 's
personal goal are exceedingly unclear" (p. 225).
Resistance within the group also becomes clear and relevant during this stage in the
group process. Sources of resistance, such as individual psychopathology, beliefs, and
attitudes towards counseling, according to Yalom (1970), may cause absenteeism,
tardiness, and conflict within the group and towards the facilitator.
The transition stage within group work is also characterized by conflict as well.
Conflict can be a result of both resistance and/or anxiety, and the conflict can exist
amongst group members and towards the facilitator. Yalom discusses this further,
explaining that during the transition phase of a group, conflict arises due to the
participants' desire for power, control, and perhaps dominance within the group. Hostility
can arise out of this conflict and must be dealt with appropriately and swiftly by the
facilitator. Negative comments and judgments may also arise during this time, so the
cohesiveness of the group, and the environment of trust and comfort must be maintained.
Despite the negativity that may arise during this phase, it is essential in order for the group
to move into the next stage, the working stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~-------------

···----- . - . -

28

Working stage
As the group moves forward , and infants are beginning to arrive with their parents,
the dynamics of the group will most likely change. For example, parents, no longer
worried about the arrival of their little one, may now have new concerns regarding the
health and well-being of their baby, themselves, and their relationship . It is within the next
few sessions that the real work will begin, in the "working stage", as Corey labels it.
Group cohesion, the original goal previously mentioned and supported by Yalom, occurs
in this stage, and this involves a sense of inclusion, belonging, and solidarity (Corey,
2008). As new parents ' energy may fade with sleepless nights and days, it is vital that the
group facilitator continue to encourage parents at this time to share each of their
experiences with the group members. These common themes and ideas among the group
members will help to build trust, and a more open dialogue. Just as in the previous stages
of the group, this stage too, can contain its own issues. For example, group members could
now begin to form subgroups, and may participate in extra group socializing. Group
members may form intimate friendships and may begin spending time together outside of
the sessions. This may be a confidentiality concern for some so the group facilitator must
ensure and communicate the importance of confidentiality, especially when outside of the
group. It is not acceptable for group members to discuss items and topics that were
addressed within the confidential setting of the group. Other group members may feel very
uncomfortable about this, and such a situation could cause intense conflict. It would be
essential for the facilitator to ensure that group members have the understanding that the
issue would be addressed, possibly by removing a group member, if such confidentiality is
broken.

------------------------------------------------------------ -- ---29

It is obvious that the working stage of the group is just that, "work". However, all
therapy groups must proceed through these groups in order to reach the fmal stage, the
stage of consolidation and termination.
Final stage
The final stage of the group process is characterized by Corey as consolidation and
termination (2008). It is during this final phase of the sessions that group members learn,
with the guidance of the facilitator, how to use their knowledge, skills, and confidence,
outside of the group to meet each of their parenting and relationship goals. This may not
be easy for some group members, and the end of the group may be difficult for some to
manage. Participants may feel that they are losing their support system, the opportunity to
openly discuss their concerns, and the group of people they have come to understand and
trust. The termination of the sessions may have some participants feeling anxiety of
"having to do it on their own". As Yalom (1970) points out, the end of the group is a real
loss; patients gradually come to realize that it can never be reconvened, that even if they
continue a relationship with a member or a fragment of the group, nevertheless the entire
group will be gone forever.
It is essential that during this time, group members work alone and together, with
their partner (if applicable), to reflect on their own feelings, and the impact the group has
had on their lives. As a facilitator, one should try to encourage long term relationships
between group members, in order to ensure continued support.
As the group sessions come to an end, the job of the facilitator is not over. In order
to gather feedback about the group and its processes, it is highly beneficial during the sixth

30

and fmal stage of group work to incorporate an evaluation component. This will take the
form of a questionnaire for participants (see Appendix D). In addition to this evaluation,
the group will be asked to follow up in six (6) months' time, individually, as partners (if
applicable), and as a group. This will provide members with an opportunity to share
experiences and concerns that have arisen since the group last met.

The Baby Steps Group
The facilitator's manual of the Baby Steps program, will both describe and discuss
each of the 12 sessions that will occur over a six month period. The sessions will occur biweekly, beginning in the prenatal stage, and will continue until approximately three
months post-partum. In order to recruit participants for the Baby Steps group, the
facilitator will approach, with permission of the Child Development Center staff, a group
of prenatal class participants where prenatal classes are conducted. The facilitator will
provide an overview of the proposed program, which will include information about the
purpose and initial goals of the group. Potential participants will be given the parent
information package and decide, based on the information given, whether or not they
would be willing to participate in the no-cost parenting program. During this stage it
would also be anticipated that potential participants would ask questions and voice
concerns about participating in such a group. Questions could arise in terms of location,
time commitments, confidentiality, cost, pre-existing relationships with other members,
structure of the sessions, and the goals and benefits of the Baby Steps program. After this
initial contact with potential participants, the group facilitator would ask those interested to
contact them privately.

31

Once contact with the facilitator has been made, and couples begin to show interest
in participating, the facilitator would meet individually with each couple during a pregroup
orientation and screening. During this time, participants would be given the confidentiality
and group participation contract. The facilitator would take the time to review the contract
and discuss any concerns or questions regarding confidentiality and expectations of the
group. After this meeting with each of the interested parties, the group would be formed
and would begin to work through each of the aforementioned stages, moving towards the
final goal of successful completion.
Supervision and Facilitator Self Care

The group facilitator needs to be very aware of their personal experiences, biases,
and values that could affect them, and would benefit by establishing a personal boundary
around them when working with the group. It would be wise to create a small network of
support and supervision that is professionally based. Creating the opportunities for
feedback and discussion with colleagues would be of great importance. Kozina, Grabovari,
De Stefano, & Drapeau (20 10) agree, stating that a clinical supervision relationship is
critical to the both the training and development of therapist, and helps to create core
competencies within professionals. They underscore the importance of supervision, and
how this relationship promotes learning and self-efficacy in training counsellors, especially
during their time in practicum. In addition to self-efficacy within counsellors, an effective
supervisory relationship for counsellors helps to enhance self-awareness as well. Wheeler
& Richards (2007), found in their study "through supervision supervisees experienced

significant increases on three developmental dimensions; they perceived themselves as
more aware of their own motivations and dynamics, less concerned about their

32

performance during a session and less dependent on their supervisors for direction and
support" (p.149).
In addition to self-efficacy and self-awareness, counsellor supervision can be

essential when learning to deal with issues such as countertransference and transference.
Supervision, not only aids the counsellor in dealing with transference and
countertransference, but as Richards & Wheeler (2007), state "has an impact on therapist
self-awareness, skills, self-efficacy, theoretical orientation, support and outcomes for the
client" (p. 63). Tobin and McCurdy (2006) also look at both of these ideas within their
research, understanding the important and inevitable role each of the play within a group
setting.
It is critical for counsellors to participate in professional supervision sessions. The
theories or methods practiced within this relationship are less important, however,
supervision for the group facilitator could model the theories the Baby Steps program
utilizes. Both the Adlerian and solution-focused ideas and strategies could help the
facilitator gain knowledge, understanding, and confidence when working with the group.
By creating a supervision relationship grounded in these two theories, the supervisee has
opportunities to set goals, reflect on experiences, and work to gain insight into the
concerns that have arisen during group sessions. McCurdy (2006) points out that Adlerian
theory is effective in supervision because the theory has several strengths such as: the
interaction between supervisor and supervisee, the emphasis on democratic and egalitarian
relationships, and the holistic approach to teaching, learning and growing. A supervisory
relationship grounded in such theories could help the facilitator observe such critical
aspects, and learn to use them more effectively when working with the group. The

33

opportunity for supervision could also provide the facilitator the chance to learn more
about the theories and methods used, so as to better utilize them within the sessions.
Furthermore, just as in the Baby Steps group, supervision sessions can also include
opportunities to work with scaling questions, miracle questions, and unique exceptions in
order to focus on strengths. Through the use of these two theories intertwined into one
approach, it is possible for "supervisees ... to feel like they can view supervision as a
process where it is not possible to fail " (McCurdy, 2006, p. 149).

In Session Care oflnfants by Elderly Volunteers
As new parents within the group adjust to their new roles and begin bringing their
infants to the program, childcare during this time may become difficult. Parents may want
to bring their infants, but may be distracted by their attendance. The Baby Steps program
will provide parents with the opportunity to have free childcare during group sessions.
Elderly volunteers from the community could be recruited in order to assist. The benefits
of this would be two-fold. Parents could participate freely knowing that their infants are
close by, and the elderly volunteers could be provided with the opportunities to spend time
with the infants, and with other volunteers.

Research supports that when the elderly volunteer within their community, the
emotional and physical benefits are measurable. As Fratiglioni et al. (2004) discovered
there is sufficient evidence that shows that there are numerous health-promoting effects
when the elderly are involved in social relationships. These findings also correlate with
what others, such as Ryden, Pearson, Kaas, & Hanscom (1999), have found that

.--------------------------------------

34

approximately 26% to 43% nursing home residents in the United States suffer from some
form of depression, whether it be mild, moderate, or severe (as cited in Chao et al, 2006).

35

Chapter 3: Program Overview
The program discussed in this project will take the form of a support group for new
parents. This program will include both a psycho-educational and a formal discussion
component. This twelve session program will be approximately six months in length,
running every two weeks. Each of the sessions will be approximately 90 minutes in length,
including sufficient time for a check- in, discussion/guest speaker, an activity, and a wrap
up.
Theories that will Guide Group Sessions
Because the particular group setting, the participants, and their experiences will be
varied, the theoretical approach and the activities presented must also be diversified. In
order to meet the needs of the participants, the theoretical orientation of the group will be
integrative with a main focus on Adlerian and solution-focused approaches.
Alfred Adler was a pioneer in group counseling. He believed that individuals feel
the need to belong and when this need for belonging has been met, people will function
well and in a healthy manner. The understanding for this particular need is enhanced
within the group and family settings, because group members often share similar concerns
and feel validated and less alone when discussing these concerns. As the group progresses
and bonds are formed , the need to be connected with others through this experience is
important for participants. This sense of belonging helps participants to feel safe and
accepted as they share intimate and personal details about their daily lives. As Ferguson
(20 10) discusses, Alfred Adler believed that the events and relationships throughout early
childhood have long-term influences on a variety of things, including personality and one ' s

-----------------------------------36

mental health. Along with our need to belong, raising a child can be a lonely, isolating
experience. This idea, coupled with our own earlier influences that might accentuate
feelings of isolation is a good argument that an Adlerian approach is a good theoretical
foundation for a parenting group: an approach that could prove to be highly effective.
Research completed in the late 1970' s and early 1980' s, as reviewed by Krebs (1985),
support significant results when an Adlerian based program was used with parents. The
study compared three types of parenting programs, an Adlerian based program, a
behavioural based program (shaping children ' s behaviours), and a parenting effectiveness
training (PET) program. Each of the programs focused on a variety of parenting
behaviours and their impacts on the children. The items of focus included child behavior
modification, family environment, mother-child interaction, and child-rearing. Although
the results of this research made it almost impossible to rank on approach over the other
(Krebs, 1985), the results did reveal, that the Adlerian approach provided a more
democratic manner of parenting, increased cohesion within the family, and mothers
viewing their children in a more positive manner. In addition, children became more
considerate and responsible, and there was an increase in verbalization in children.
Corey (2008) demonstrates that such a counsellor adhering to an Adlerian approach
has characteristics such as presence, the courage to be imperfect, willingness to take risks,
acceptance, and caring; characteristics greatly beneficial for each of the members involved
in this group. In addition to guiding the facilitator, the Adlerian-based ideas, not specific
techniques, also lend well to the rationale for a group approach. A group such as this one
helps to create an environment that fosters belonging, community, and social
connectedness. Parents within this group will be able to share their stories and ideas and

37

will be benefited by such a caring and comfortable atmosphere. Adlerian theory along
with solution focused theory will help to form the foundation of the group, in terms of the
structure, leadership, and activities of the group.
As Corey (2008) points out, a counsellor following a solution focused approach,
helps and encourages participants to understand that they are resilient, resourceful, and
competent, and that they have the power and ability to create their own solutions to
problems and issues that may arise in their lives. The approach focuses on optimism and
working towards positive possibilities for the future. Seemingly, a solution-focused
approach will help parents to examine their thoughts, ideas, actions, and decisions, and
decide what is working well for them. The parents of the Baby Steps group will benefit
greatly from focusing on the positive, rather than on the negative. This particular approach
provides opportunities for a variety of questioning techniques, Gingerich & Eisenhart
review these, stating the following:
The specific techniques include the ' miracle question ', which helps clients
envision a preferred future; ' exception questions' , which help clients notice and
describe times when their problem is reduced, or not present; and the 'scaling
question ', which helps clients search for and notice parts oftheir preferred future
that may already be happening. (as cited in Miller, 2010, p. 173)
For example, both the miracle question and scaling questions will assist parents not only
during sessions, but between sessions as well, when problems within relationships, both
with each other, and as parents, may arise. In addition to this approach, scaling questions
are also a wonderful way to explore parents ' feelings about numerous items, including,
prenatal concerns, the idea of labour, birth, and the arrival of their child. Furthermore,
these scaling questions can help to identify feelings of depression, anxiety, and anger in the
postpartum time. Reiter' s (20 I 0) research regarding the use of such an approach focuses

38

on the ideas of hope and expectancy when working with clients in a solution-focused
manner. His article discusses the use of scaling questions, miracle questions, and finding
exceptions and the manner in which these approaches are linked to hope. Reiter (20 10)
explains, "hope is a major factor within therapy that can lead to positive change within
clients" (p. 133). Scaling questions are "inherently hopeful, leading to expectancy of
change because they illuminate a range of experiencing" (Reiter, 2010, p. 140). In addition,
the miracle question provides clients with a feeling of hope. This type of question allows
clients to see past the overwhelming situation within their lives, and allows them to look
forward to a future of new experiences. This in itself can be a powerful way of helping
clients to consider the possibilities as it relates to change. The concept of couple
enactments within a solution-focused therapy situation is discussed by Seedal (2009).
These enactments provide couples with the opportunity to work through issues and
conflicts while being guided by a facilitator in a safe and helpful manner. Enactments, as
defined in this article, are opportunities for couples to interact while receiving coaching by
a therapist. They are designed to create and facilitate couple interactions that are selfreliant and constructive in nature, and are designed to help couples increase hope,
confidence, cooperation, and collaboration. In addition, "enactments constitute a valuable
context in which to generate solution-building process and dialogue" (Seedal , 2009, p.
106). The article ends by pointing out how couples can work towards building solutions
together, without the assistance of the facilitator, when they return home.
An Adlerian and solution-focused approach to the Baby Steps program will be
greatly beneficial to those involved. Each of these ideas contains tools and strategies that
will help new parents work through conflict and create a feeling of hope within their

39

relationship. Parents will, through various activities and discussion, begin to foster selfreliance, resiliency, cooperation, and a sense of belonging that will help them to become
better partners and parents.
Selection of Group Members

The program will be advertised throughout the community, with prenatal
participants in mind. Flyers will be distributed locally (see Appendix A for an example of
a flyer), placed in areas of interest, and handed out to prenatal participants at the Child
Development Center. Local organizations such as the Pregnancy Outreach Center, the
Child Care Resource and Referral Center, and the Child Development Center will be
approached for their support in organizing such a group. The facilitator will attend a local
pre-natal class to speak to members about participating in the group. A program overview
will be distributed during the discussion so that questions, comments, or concerns could be
addressed. It is my intention, to have 4 - 6 couples or single parents, and the number of
the participants in the group will not exceed 12 people. This will help to ensure the small
and intimate feeling that is needed for this particular program. However, the program will
not be feasible without a minimum number of 6 participants. During the support group ' s
orientation meeting, members will be informed of confidentiality and its limits, and
informed consent will be obtained. At this time members will be encouraged to complete
the program in its entirety, but will be permitted to drop out if they choose to do so.

40

In-session Care of Infants

As parents begin to introduce their new arrivals to the group, in-house child care
would be beneficial. Having someone in the building, in close proximity to the meeting, to
watch their infant, would allow for new parents to continue participating in the group
activities and discussion, while still feeling at ease knowing that their little one is in good
care. For this option, it would be a wonderful dynamic to add capable, elderly volunteers
from the community to come in as child-care providers. This would allow the volunteers
the opportunity to not only bond with the infants, but also the opportunity to socialize with
others. The Baby Steps program could offer some elderly volunteers (one per infant), the
opportunity not only to create a social connection with others in the same stage of life, but
also with members of other generations. Perhaps bi-weekly contact with the infants could
promote a greater sense of well-being and renewed vitality.
Overview of Manuals

The details of the program will be found in the facilitator ' s manual in Chapter 4.
This manual will provide a schedule of discussions and guest speakers, corresponding
activities, and a list of references that will be helpful to them and referred to throughout the
program. Topics and ideas may be added to the schedule to fit the needs of the
participants. The facilitator' s manual will provide information in regards to each of the
sessions. It will be well organized and will include a series of reproducible handouts for
parents, information to structure each session, and a reference list from which to draw
further information.

41

Psycho-educational Components

The psycho-educational component of the program will cover the following topics
by including a guest speaker from the community: infant development, finances, mental
health, and physical health. Parents will have the opportunity to work individually, as
couples, and in small groups in order to complete activities that will be presented to them
during the sessions. Furthermore, participants will be encouraged to complete a daily
homework assignment such as a journal entry, or series of entries. The purpose of this
would be to document feelings , progress, setbacks, or responses from readings or guest
speakers.
Conclusion

When I became a parent for the first time, nothing could have prepared me for the
complete change that was about to occur in my life. My husband and I believed that we
had done everything "traditionally" and "right". We met, dated for what seemed like a
lifetime, got engaged, had a traditional wedding, and then decided to have a baby.
Everything in order, just as it should be ...
We prepared the nursery, took prenatal classes, and read books about parenting and
babies, and "what to expect". We never talked about discipline, our relationship, duties,
diapers, or college funds. We always believed that we were on the same page, and to some
extent, we were, but when our daughter came along, a lot changed. We changed. We
became Mom and Dad.
We always believed, as relatively well-educated, and self-proclaimed "common
sense type people", that parenting was just the next logical step in our life together. We

42

could do this, there was so much we had been through together, we could handle a little 7
pound baby. But as the days and nights ran into each other, and the months became a year,
it is easy to see how difficult, although delightful, having children can be. It is a huge
change in roles, change in lifestyle, and a change in financial and emotional responsibility.
The more people and friends I spoke to, the more I began to realize that we weren ' t alone
in our struggles.
As a teacher I see it all the time: the breakdown and breakup of families, and the
long term emotional and academic turmoil that children go through. As I began to think
about my project, the more I began to realize that our system, mainly educational, but
others as well , are very reactive in thinking and funding. We work hard to help "at risk"
families and children, but I wonder why we wait. Was there more that could be done in
order to help families before they became "at risk?" Was there a way to give new parents
the emotional, financial, and educational support that they needed to help guide
themselves, their spouses or partners, and their newly-created families so that they were
more resilient? Hence, I wanted to design a program that was preventive in nature.
The community of Williams Lake needs increased support for the families.
Although programs are available to members of families and their children, a piece of the
puzzle seems to be missing. There are families within the community that are not being
provided with opportunities, or are not taking advantage of opportunities that could assist
them in the first critical years of their children ' s lives. We are waiting too long to support
families and are faced with a series of issues within our schools that are affecting the
education of our children. The Baby Steps program will be an opportunity for parents to
relate, learn, share, and support each other in their journey in becoming parents.

43

Chapter 4: Facilitator's Manual
This manual is intended to be a guide to the program Baby Steps. Although the
schedule of topics, discussions, and guest speakers has been set, it is critical, as a
facilitator, to remain flexible. If an opportunity presents itself, through client need or
request, to address a topic relevant to the group' s members prior to the date selected, it is
important that the facilitator take the opportunity for the discussion.

Pre-Session Meeting- for each couple (approximately 45 minutes each)
Prior to the group commencing, each of the potential participants will be contacted
for a pre-screening meeting. During this time, the facilitator will discuss the
confidentiality and group participation contract. Give the participants opportunities to ask
questions and voice concerns before signing the contract. The group facilitator should also
sign the contract.

Schedule of Discussions and Guest Speakers
12 Sessions - 6 months in length (Meetings twice a month)
Session #1 -Welcome to the Group (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o

o
o

Parent information packages for each group member (these will be
conveniently placed in a labeled shelf so that members can add new items to
the package each week).
Sharpened pencils
Lined paper

Introductions - facilitator and group members
During this first meeting, it is vital that all aspects of behavior and expectations are
discussed openly. Items such as tardiness, confidentiality, informed consent, and
the structure and time limits of the group sessions should be discussed. Ensure that

44

each section of each session (check in, discussions, activity, wrap up, homework)
are clearly defined to participants.
Give participant the opportunity to ask questions of the facilitator if they choose.
In addition, before moving on to the program overview, take a few minutes to
acknowledge any pre-existing relationships between members.
The more discussion with the members, the better. Give them opportunities to tell
their stories, without getting too in depth and personal right away. Allowing the
time and opportunity for participants to open up will help participants to begin to
feel comfortable within the setting. Items for discussion could include: what brings
participants here? What ideas do they have? What are their feelings around the
situation?
Discuss the program overview (included in the parent package). Encourage
participants to ask questions, voice concerns, and share their initial thoughts about
the topics and process.
** 5 minute break**- During break time in the first session, the facilitator will
provide a small snack of fruit, veggies, water, juice, tea and/or coffee. Discuss with
group members if they would like to set up a "snack schedule" for future sessions.
Perhaps members could take turns contributing to the refreshments served.
Individual writing activity: "Now that we've had the opportunity to discuss how the
next 11 sessions will occur, what are your personal thoughts? Any initial fears or
worries? How might your relationships and/or parenting be affected throughout this
program?"
o If participants wish to continue this activity for homework, they can do so.
Wrap up: Thank everyone for coming, ensure that each participant has an
information booklet, and remind them of the time, date, and location of the next
sesswn.
Session #2- Seeking Help (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o

Ensure that members have brought their information package (have extras
just in case).
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper
o Any information/paperwork supplied by the guest speaker
Check in: How is everyone?
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of

45

each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
o Throughout the entire duration of the group (6 months), continually keep
track of the participants' responses to the scaling questions. This can help
the facilitator to track progression or regression from week to week, and
from beginning to end. Facilitator should be aware of differences of 2
points or more, and can initiate discussion around the answers given.
Guest speaker: (40 minutes)
o Introduce the community member (counsellor) who has been invited to
speak about counseling, what it's about, and the resources available for
couples.
** 10 minute break before discussion**
o

This session will include a group discussion time to voice concerns, ask
questions, or make comments in regards to the information being presented.
Wrap up: (20 minutes)
o Group discussion about the information presented with the guest speaker
and any other concerns, questions, or comments.
Session #3- Parenting Worries: What Keeps Us Up At Night? (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o Ensure each member has brought their information package
o Lined paper
o Sharpened pencils
o Large, lined chart paper
o Permanent coloured markers
Check in: Welcome back. Anything new? How is everyone? (20 minutes)
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Activity and Discussion: (40 minutes)
o Tonight' s topic: biggest parenting worries- have each individual write
down their top 3-5 parenting worries. This may prove difficult, and getting
the list down to 3-5 ideas may take some work.

46

o

Once everyone has completed their list, have them partner up. Ensure that
participants are not partnering with their spouse for this activity. Partners
will discuss their concerns and ideas, and record them on the chart paper
provided.

** 10 minute break **
o
o

Have the partners present their ideas to the group.
Once each pair has presented, have the individuals pair up with their
spouses to compare/contrast/discuss their ideas.
Wrap-up: (20 minutes)
o Discuss: what was it like to discuss your worries? How was it different
discussing them with someone other than your parenting partner?
Daily Homework assignment: (10 minutes)
o Over the next week or so, pay attention to how often you are faced with
your parenting worries/fears. How did you handle them? Who (if anyone)
did you discuss them with?

Session #4- Mental Health (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o
o
o
o

Ensure that members have brought their information packages.
Sharpened pencils
Lined paper
Any information/paperwork supplied by the guest speaker

Check in: Welcome back. Homework discussion. How is everyone? (20 minutes)
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of

each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Guest speaker and discussion (50 minutes) ** 10 minute break before discussion
o A community professional will come into the session and discuss post natal
mental health issues, including post partum depression in both males and
females.
o Discussion and question time will allow for participants to ask questions,
make comments, and voice opinions about the topic presented.
Wrap up: (10 minutes)
o Thank the guest speaker for coming.

47

o

Participants will take this time to reflect on what they learned during the
discussion. This will be an opportunity for group members to share ideas
and thoughts.

Session #5- Our Family: Values, Traditions, and Morals (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o

Ensure that members have brought their information packages - especially
critical during this session due to the use of the "Create Everyday Rituals of
Emotional Connection" list provided for the homework assignment.
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper

Check in: How is everyone? Anything new? (15 minutes)
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Activity: Partner activity (45 minutes)
o Each participant will define the following terms (on the provided lined
paper.
• Value
• Tradition
• Legacy
• Morals

** 10 minute break **
o

Parenting partners will work together with their definitions to discuss these
topics and how they fit into their lives. Partners will consider and discuss
how each will influence their parenting and relationships with other
members of their families .
Wrap up: (15 minutes)
o The group will, during this time, discuss their ideas with the group. What
ideas, concerns, or thoughts came out of this activity?
Daily Homework: (5 minutes)
o For the next session, have the participants look over the "Create Everyday
Rituals of Emotional Connection" list from "And Baby Makes Three" (will
be photocopied and placed into the parent package)

48

•

o

Parenting partners will follow the instructions given and choose one
topic to discuss together before the next session.
In addition, discuss with participants ideas, questions, concerns they may
have about their family's finances. Have them discuss this at home and
write down anything they' d like to bring to the next session regarding
finances.

Session #6- Finances (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o

Ensure that members have brought their information packages - especially
critical during this session due to the use of the "Create Everyday Rituals of
Emotional Connection" list provided for the homework assignment.
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper
o Any information/paperwork supplied by the guest speaker
Check in: How is everyone?
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
o Homework discussion on topic: "Create Everyday Rituals of Emotional
Connection". (15 minutes)
• Review ideas and experiences that came out of this assignment,
whether they are positive or negative in nature.
Guest Speaker: (45 minutes)
o Introduce the community member chosen to come and discuss a variety of
ideas and topics regarding finances .

** 10 minute break **
o

The focus for the discussion will be on household budgets, savings,
education plans, and any other ideas that have been brought forward by the
participants.
o The discussion time will allow for parents to ask questions, discuss
concerns, and learn about community resources available.
Wrap up : (10 minutes)
o Thank the speaker for coming in.

49

o

This time will be for parents to reflect on ideas of interest and areas of
concern.

Daily Homework: (10 minutes)
o For the homework assignment this week, parents will go home and create a
budget for their household. Included in this must be information regarding
income, expenses, and savings.
Session #7- Making Time For You and As a Couple (90 minutes)
Materials needed:

o
o
o

Ensure that members have brought their information packages.
Sharpened pencils
Lined paper

Check in: How is everyone?
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
o Homework assignment discussion. (20 minutes)
Discussion: Making time for you and as a couple (group discussion- 20 minutes)
o "What do each of you do individually and as a couple, that helps you to feel
happy, less stressed, energetic, etc.?"
** 10 minute break**
Activity: Individual and partner (20 minutes)
o Writing activity to answer: "Ifl had 2 hours a week to myself (no
interruptions), these are the ways I could spend
it: ___________". " Ways this would benefit me:
_ _ _ _ ____ , my parenting: ________ __ , and my closest
relationships ______________"
o Partners will then get together and discuss their answers. Then, together,
they will make a plan for an activity to do together as a couple.
Wrap up: (15 minutes) Group discussion about the individual and partner activity
o How can we help our parenting partner to get the individual time they need?
o How can we, as a couple, ensure that the time we need as a couple is also
being provided?
Daily Homework: (5 minutes)

so
o

Journal until next session (and beyond), about time as individuals and as a
couple, and thoughts about the impact on all close relationships.

Session #8- Infant Development: Social, Emotional, and Physical (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o Ensure that members have brought their information package.
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper
o Any information/paperwork supplied by the guest speaker
Check in: How is everyone?
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
o Discuss homework and the topic of "time" (20 minutes)
• What were the conversations that came out during this? Were they
positive or negative?
Guest speaker: (50 minutes)
o Introduce the community member who has been invited to discuss the topic
of infant development and the social, emotional, and physical connections.
** 10 minute break before discussion**
o

This session will include a group discussion time to voice concerns, ask
questions, or make comments in regards to the information being presented.
Wrap up: (10 minutes)
o Group discussion about the information presented with the guest speaker.
o Direct participants to their resource list. Discuss quickly with them Daniel
Goleman ' s Emotional Intelligence.
Session #9- Conflict Resolution (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o
o
o

Ensure that members have brought their information package.
Sharpened pencils
Lined paper

51

Check in: How is everyone? Anything new? (15 minutes)
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Discussion: Conflict in the household (30 minutes)
o As a group, discuss conflict.
• What starts conflict in your house?
• How is conflict dealt with?
• How do you recover from conflict?
• What effect does your ability to handle conflict have on your
child(ren)?
o Using the ideas of Goleman ' s Emotional Intelligence, look over the
information in regards to being an active listener (handout provided within
the information package). Discuss the traits of an active listener.

** 10 minute break **
Activity: partners/small group (20 minutes)
o Think about the discussion the group just had. On a piece of paper,
individually write down your thoughts about conflict within your
household. Try to stick to "I" statements.
• Use the handout provided titled "Getting Your Message Across".
Take time, as a facilitator, to work with each couple as they work
through this activity. Use "couple enactments" to help guide
participants safely through their conflict.
• Not all couples will have the opportunity during this time for
an "enactment". Perhaps time would be best used if all the
couples could observe the couple enactment at the end of the
activity.
o With a partner, discuss what you ' ve written. What similarities do you see?
Differences?
o Now, partners will join others to create small groups.
Daily Homework: until the next session, document conflicts that occur within your
household- only choose the ones that seem to impact you the most. How did you
deal with these individually? How did you deal with them with your partner? What
did you do "well"? What could you have improved on? Discuss exceptions with
participants for this activity. Have the participants focus on the positive aspects of
their interactions rather than on the negative. This will help them to focus on the
positive aspects of their conflict resolution, rather than on the negative aspects.

52

Wrap up (15 minutes): short group discussion regarding today' s topic and the
homework assignment.
Session #10- Physical Health (90 minutes)
Materials needed:

o Ensure that members have brought their information package.
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper
o Any information/paperwork supplied by the guest speaker
Check in: How is everyone? Anything new? (20 minutes)
o The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Guest speaker: (40 minutes)
o Introduce the community member who has been invited to discuss the topic
of post partum physical health.
** 10 minute break before discussion**
o

This session will include a group discussion time to voice concerns, ask
questions, or make comments in regards to the information being presented.
Wrap up: (20 minutes)
o Group discussion about the information presented with the guest speaker
and any other concerns, questions, or comments.
Session #11- Meeting Needs Emotionally and Physically (90 minutes)
Materials needed:

o

o
o

Ensure that members have brought their information package - especially
critical for this session due to the use of the "Turning Towards Your
Partner' s Needs" list provided. Have a few extra copies just in case
someone has forgotten to bring theirs.
Sharpened pencils
Lined paper

Check in: How is everyone? Anything new? (15 minutes)

53

o

The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
Discussion: (30 minutes). Meeting our needs. Once baby has arrived, this can
become a sensitive subject, and one that partners may not agree on. John
Gottman ' s book "And Baby Makes Three" has a very interesting section about
meeting the emotional and physical needs of ourselves and our partners. Using
page 154 from his book, the group will discuss the items listed. How realistic are
they? Are these items cause for conflict in relationships?
** 10 minute break**
Activity: (partner) (20 minutes). Using the "Needs List for Turning Toward" from
Gottman ' s book, each of the partners will individually complete the list (by
checking off those that apply to them) . Once they have completed this, each
partner will take the opportunity to discuss these with their partner.
o Remind participants, as they are listening to each other, to refer to their
active listening handouts, to ensure they are doing their best to really hear
and understand their partner' s needs.
Wrap up: (15 minutes). Take the opportunity to have a group discussion/review of
what they learned about themselves and each other when completing the activity
during this session.
Homework: Ask each of the participants to journal about their needs over the next
few weeks. Have them express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about how
well they meet the needs of their partners and how they are at expressing
themselves to have their own needs met.

Session #12- Checking in on Our Family- A Look to the Future (90 minutes)
Materials needed:
o Ensure that members have brought their information package.
o Sharpened pencils
o Lined paper
o Pencil crayons
o Coloured markers
o Blank, drawing paper
Check in: How is everyone?

54

o

The session check in will involve a scaling question (out of 10) for each
participant. The use of such a question will help to gauge the feelings of
each parent. In addition, the results will help to guide the facilitator in
discussion with the group, finding exceptions, and understanding the
reasons for each of the participants' numbers.
o Tonight is our last night, what does that mean for each of you? (20 minutes)
o Homework discussion on meeting needs (20 minutes)
• Was active listening a part of the discussion at home? Why or why
not?
Activity and Group Discussion: (40 minutes)
o "My family in five years" - Use of the miracle question here.
• Describe the miracle question. Give an example.
• Each of the participants will spend some time writing a
journal entry five (5) years into the future. The journal entry
will talk about each aspect of the participant's life. The
purpose of this activity is to have each parent think ahead to
what they would like to have their life look like in 5 years. If
members choose, perhaps they could create an illustration in
addition to, or instead of, the journal entry.
o Group discussion about each of their journal entries. Participants can begin
by reading their journal entry or they can choose to simply paraphrase their
ideas.

** 10 minute break **
Discussion and Reflections: (20 minutes)
o During this time, participants can complete the final feedback questionnaire
about the program, the process, and the result.
o In addition, participants, once finished the questionnaire, can take the
opportunity to discuss and reflect about their program experience openly
with the rest of the group.

55

"Create Everyday Rituals of Emotional Connection"
From John and Julie Gottman's
"And Baby Makes Three"
Lesson 11 Handout

Instructions: Pick one of the following topics and discuss it with one another. At another
time, you can choose one of the other topics to discuss if you like.
1. Talk to each other about family dinnertime in your home. What does eating
together mean to you? What are family meals like now? What are some example
of good events and nightmare events around mealtimes when you were each kids?
What were these events like for each of you? What did they mean to you, if
anything? What is the role of food in your family now?
2. Talk to each other about reunions or the family getting together at the end of the
day. What is the reunion like? What goes on? What was it like in your two
families growing up? What is important when you all get together at the end of the
day? What would you like it to mean?
3. Talk to each other about bedtime in your home. What was it like in your two
families growing up? How would you like it to be now? What should it mean?
4. Talk to each other about the weekends. What goes on during the weekends? What
were weekends like in your two families growing up? What are some examples of
good and bad ones when you were kids? How would you like weekends to be
now? What should they mean?
5. Talk to each other about the rituals you have around finances. How do you view
money? Why? How was money handled in your two families growing up? What
were some examples of good events and nightmare events around money when you
were kids? How do you think money should be handled now?
6. Talk to each other about entertaining in your home, having friends over, having
parties, and so on. What typically goes on? What was it like in your two families
growing up? What are some examples of good events and nightmare events around
entertaining when you were kids? What is important to you about entertaining?
What atmosphere are you trying to create? What should it mean?
7. What are especially good times for you as a couple, and for your family together?
Walk about some recent examples. What was important to you about these times?
What were family times like growing up? What kind of good family times do you
want to create in your family today?
8. What are typical everyday things you celebrate? Birthdays? Anniversaries?
Family reunions? How do you celebrate them? Talk to each other about what
these events were like in your two families growing up. What are some examples

56

of good events and nightmare events when you were kids? What do you want these
events to mean?
9. What are typical things that happened around someone in your family getting sick?
What was being sick like in your family growing up? What do you want it to be
like in your own family?
10. Talk about vacations, rituals of renewed spirit, and travel in your life. What are
these events like now for you and what do they mean? What were vacations like in
your family growing up? What are some examples of good events and nightmare
events when you were kids? What do you want these to be like in your family?
11. Explore recreation rituals that may involve experiences such as dates and getaways,
weekend activities, sports events, movies and TV viewing, playtime with the kids,
and others. What were these rituals like in your family growing up? What do you
want them to be like in your own family?
12. How does your family run errands? What were errands like in your family growing
up? What do you want them to be like in your family now?
13. How do you get renewed and refreshed when you are burned out or fatigued? How
did your two families do this? How do you want to renew yourselves in your
family today?
14. How do you obtain stimulation and enrichment (e.g. through music, plays, art,
hobbies, other common interests)? What was enriching in your family growing up?
How do you want to enrich yourselves as a family now?

Gottman, John M., & Gottman, Julie Schwartz. (2007). And baby makes three: The six-step
plan for preserving marital intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives. New
York: Three Rivers Press.

57

"Turning Towards Your Partner's Needs"
From John and Julie Gottman's
"And Baby Makes Three"
Lesson 11 Handout

Instructions: Read the list that follows, and select a need that you have from it. Then take
turns. Each of you, describe the need you selected to your partner. Try to be as specific
about it as you can. If you ' re the listener, ask your partner for suggestions about how you
can meet his need better in the coming week. You can refer to this list from time to time
later on to help you voice your needs to your partner. Just remember, do your best to turn
toward your partner, not away or against him or her.
Needs List for Turning Toward
o

I need you to be more physically affectionate.

o

I need to cuddle more.

o

I need to talk more about the baby.

o

I need you to answer me when I call your name.

o

I need you to ask me about my hopes.

o

I need to talk every day about how my day went and to hear about your day.

o

I need more help with housework.

o

I need to get some time alone.

o

I need for us to go on a date sometime.

o

I need the TV to be on less often.

o

I need a foot rub or a back rub.

o

I need to invite some friends over.

o

I want us to divide up the chores.

o

I need you and me to do more things as a family.

o

I want to order food or have you do the cooking one night.

o

I want you to run my bath water and let me take a long bath.

o

I need to see my friends.

o

I want us to spend more time with my parents.

o

I need an adventure.

o

I need you to tell me that I look nice.

58

o

I need a kiss hello and a kiss goodbye every day.

o

I need you to play with the baby.

o

I need to travel.

Gottman, John M. , & Gottman, Julie Schwartz. (2007). And baby makes three: The sixstep plan for preserving marital intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives. New
York: Three Rivers Press.

59

"Be an Active Listener! Experience Sheet"
From "50 Activities for Teaching Emotional Intelligence"

Listening is a very important part of good communication. Listed below are characteristics
of a good listener. Check the ones that describe you most of the time.
A good listener:
o Faces the speaker.
o

Looks into the speaker' s eyes.

o

Is relaxed, but attentive.

o Keeps an open mind.
o

Listens to the words and tries to picture what the speaker is saying.

o

Doesn 't interrupt or fidget.

o Waits for the sender to pause to ask clarifying questions.
o Tries to feel what the sender is feeling (feels and shows empathy).
o Nods and says "uh huh," or summarizes to let the speaker know he/she is
listening.

Schilling, Dianne. (1996). 50 Activities for teaching emotional intelligence: Th e best from
inner choice publishing. Torrance, California: Inner choice Publishing.

60

"Getting Your Message Across- Experience Sheet"
From "50 Activities for Teaching Emotional Intelligence"

When you want to be heard, send a clear message. Follow these steps:
1.

Ask to be heard . For example, say "I'd like to talk to you" or "There' s something
I want to say."

2. Look directly at the listener.
3. Speak in a clear voice.
4. Use !-statements. They have three parts:
a. Describe the situation: "When you ... "
b. State how you feel : "I feel. .."
c. Say what you want: "I'd like you to ... "
5. Check for understanding.
6. Thank the listener.

Schilling, Dianne. (1996). 50 Activities for teaching emotional intelligence: The best from
inner choice publishing. Torrance, California: Inner choice Publishing.

61

Resources for Parents

Cowan, Carolyn Pape, & Cowan, Philip A. (2000). When partners become parents:
The big life change for couples. New York: Psychology Press.
Gottman, John M., & Gottman, Julie Schwartz. (2007). And baby makes three: The
six-step plan for preserving marital intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives.
New York: Three Rivers Press.
Neufeld, Gordon, & Mate, Gabor. (2005). Hold on to your kids: Why parents need
to matter more than kids. Toronto: Vintage Canada.
Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ.
New York: Bantam Books.

Local Resources
Cariboo Chilcotin Child Development Centre Association
#221- 51 Fourth Avenue South
www.cccdca.org
250-392-4481

Counselling Services

•

o

Individual therapy, family therapy, and expressive therapy for
children
• EAP/EFAP plan supported
Intake Manager: Coleen Onofrechuk
• 250-392-4481

Other Services Available to Parents/Guardians
•
•
•
•
•
•

Child Development Centre Preschool
Pre-Natal
Infant Development Program
Key Worker
Occupational Therapy
Physiotherapy

62

•
•
•
•

Speech & Language Therapy
Supported Child Development
Child & Youth Care
Various Groups

Child Care Resource and Referral Centre
301- 19 north First Avenue
www .childcarechoices. ca
250-392-4118
Services available include:
•
•
•
•
•
•

Child care referrals/child care options
Drop-in activities
Training and networking for childcare providers
Child care subsidy information and assistance
Newsletters
Toy, equipment and book lending

Canadian Mental Health Association
51 Fourth Ave South Williams Lake
250- 398-8220
www.cmha.ca
o Easy links to follow for the local website.
Bounce Back Program and coaches available
o www.bouncebackbc.ca

63

Appendix A
Baby Steps Flyer

K ylie Philpotts, B.Ed, M.Ed

Baby Steps : A Supp ort
and Educational Group for
Expectant/New Parents

The Baby Steps program will be an opportunity
for parents to rotate. leam, .share, and supporl
each other in their j ourney in becoming panm'fs_
Over the course of 12 sessions, a total of6
months in length, panmts will be given the chance
to share stories, learn, new ideas,. and be introduced to community specialists that can help to
guide them through the difficult transition to
parenthood.

Baby Steps

Kylie Philpotts

64

Appendix B
A Parenting Questionnaire for Participants
1. What do you think new parents in our community need to help support them in
their new roles?
2. What traditions, roles, and values shape you, as a new parent, in our community,
and how did they develop over time?
3. How important is a support group where you could openly discuss your challenges,
fears , and joys as you become a new parent?
4. Do you, as a new parent, believe that information about finances, physical and
mental well-being, and infant development could be beneficial to you? In what
ways?
5. Is there a stigma attached to "parenting groups", "parent education", or " support
groups" within our community?

6. If there is a stigma, does it affect your willingness to participate in such a group?
Please explain.
7. Do you believe, as a parent, that a child ' s emotional , social , and later academic

success can be affected by family relationships?
8. How would you define successful parenting?

65

Appendix C
Baby Steps: A Parent Information Package
Confidentiality/Group Participation Contract
Before participating in the Baby Steps program, it is essential to understand
confidentiality and the role it plays within the group. In our situation, confidentiality is
unique, we live in a small town, and it is critical that the issues, ideas, and stories discussed
within the group, stay within the group.
Confidentiality: As a member of the Baby Steps program, I promise not to disclose any
information discussed within the group sessions to others outside the program. I
understand the importance of confidentiality and understand that if confidentiality is
broken, it may result in a release from the group. In addition, the topics discussed within
the sessions will not be discussed once sessions have completed. I also understand the
limits of confidentiality and that if there are safety concerns for myself or others, this
confidentiality contract may be broken.

(Participant Signature)

(Witness)

(Date)

66

Appendix D
Final Feedback
Questionnaire for Participants
1. Was attending the Baby Steps program on a regular basis helpful for you? In what

ways?
2. Did participating in discussions, completing homework, and attending during guest
speakers help to change your thoughts about parenting?
3.

Did the opportunities you experienced here help you to feel more confident in your
role as a parent?

4. Did the support group and its members help you to feel less alone during this
transition into parenthood?
5. Do you believe that your relationship with your parenting partner/spouse was
changed during the course of the sessions? If change occurred, was it positive or
negative in nature?
6. What was the most helpful part of the Baby Steps program?
7. Would you recommend the Baby Steps program to others? Why or why not?
8. What could have been done to improve your experience during the program?
9. Was having a qualified facilitator valuable in this process? Why or why not?

67

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