Opinion

February 26, 2001

CO eT LS
Dr. J “Gonzo” Medicine Wheel ( PHD ) Returns

Dr. J “Gonzo” Brings his own style of jounalixm to UNBC
(Picutre courtesy of www.henson.com)

Looking back, i can’t quite
Say now if it was all really just
part of a bad dream or not.
For their part, some have in
fact suggested the dream
hypothesis offers a clearcut
example of an artist simply
overdosing on week old flam-
ing pie. Either way, let’s take
a minute now to wander down
UNBC’s very own ... well ... no

rr... that is rather ...i stand
corrected ... TELUS’ Student
Service Street.

Fabulous isn’t it??? Most
recently i was in fact serviced
so well ( at a whopping 27
cents per calling card minute )
that a mere °700 installment
took care of just a little over
half of a fat monster phone
bill. Small wonder then that
when Sprint Canada reached
me the other day i virtually
lept at their offer of a mere 8
and a half cents per minute.
Ah yes, service with a smile.

Still, let us continue our little
stroll. In fact, why don’t we
grab a koffee ???

For me & my morning med-
icine moccha, its often a real
toss-up. For starters, there’s
Starbucks. Doesn’t the

name kinda say it all ???
Here, if you actually look at it,
the subliminal seems roughly
to translate as : “Satisfaction
guaranteed. That is, give us a
couple bucks, DRINK ME ... &
we'll make you a Star.” Yet is
their java really that much
more superior or deserving
222 Flocking by the dozens,
numerous gullible student
consumers certainly seem to
think so.

Although few will ever admit
it, truth is many devotees
seem sold on how through a
mere sip or two of their
steamy ca-poo-chino, they
will at last attain, if even only
for a fleeting moment, a cer-
tain almost pseudo-level of
hollywood celebrity status.
Ah yes, the glittery glaze in
their eyes. Hang around long
enough and who knows
maybe Madonna will even
eventually materialize ???
Needless to say, i for whatev-
er reason just never quite
have bought it.

Tim Hortons now naturally
is something of a little different
story. Established in honour
of a man who is likely one of

Canada’s most famous dead
professional hockey players,
does not a portion of the com-
panys “good-karma” proceeds
go toward supporting special
needs. childrens’ summer
camps ??? Now this ican
swallow.

Still, here’s a little something
you might like to keep in mind.
As i in fact discovered just the
other day, filling your officially
sanctioned UNBC coffeemug
in the cafeteria rings in at a
measley 95 cents. __ Either
way, when mixing sentiment,
patriotism, and what usually
amounts to all of 30 seconds
to make class, Horton almost
always gets the nod.

While on the topic of pursu-
ing more purely Canadian
sponsorships & endorse-
ments, in all honesty the cam-
pus character would likely
now more than ever greatly
stand to benefit from an offi-
cial Dr. Stompin’ Tom
Connors School of Music.
Blue Rodeo writers shooting
Straight from the HIP... stu-
dents could even take breaks
from their studies to scrim-
mage in the odd little friendly
game of road _ hockey.
Followed with a classic mix of
eggnog, Newfie Screech, holy
smoke and maybe even a
couple cold beers, God only
knows how creative we young
Canucks could actually
become while framing our cul-

‘tural compositions.

Well, where to next ??? Ah
yes, the Canfor Winter
Garden. Hmmmmm ... ok. |
guess we could at least stop
to warm ourselves a little by
the natural gas fire ablazing.
Mind you, with the perplexing
price these days of this other-
wise abundant ( although
regionally concentrated & like-
ly now almost entirely foreign
owned ) BC fuel resource, it’s
a pity we didn’t have more
wood pellets to burn.

Speaking of Canfor, along
with having their own little lec-
ture hall, i wonder if anyone
else has actually yet tuned in
to any of the local rumblings
dealing with the possible
renaming of UNBC’s new

EARS radio station ??? The
“CANFOR _ Broadcasting
Centre” really does have quite
the ring to it. While not quite
of the same stature as say
something like “The Peoples
HEMP & Marijuanna
Broadcasting Station’, its
almost equally as ridiculous.
Maybe while they're at it, why
not for the soul sake simply of
quality, consistency, accuracy
& journalistic objectivity take
the initiaitive in renaming our
beloved Over the Edge
Student Newspaper the
“Conrad Black Ministry of
Truth” ??? Absorbtion you
see of party half-truths & dou-
blespeak is an essential thing.
How else for instance would
we be so easily sold on the
idea of corporate mono-po-
lies as actually being such an
all around genuinely good
thing ???

Even still, why should we
stop at simply corporatizing a
little lecture hall or even stu-
dent radiostation or two ???
In fact, if you think about it this
hearty & wholesome
approach could be extended
to the christening of virtually
each & every respective on-
campus department. Think
of the possibilities. Where the
only one true motto is : “Clean
air & water for generations to
come”, we could for starters
have the Weldwood
Department of Forestry

Ethics & Ecosystems.
Doubleplus good.

Finally, rumour has it how
next year Tommy Hilfiger
along with a number of
already established on-cam-
pus sponsors may be helping
to make proud University
name brand products more
easily affordable to ALL stu-
dents. That's right, upon
enrollment, each of us will
reportedly find ourselves enti-
tled to a select choice of
sweaters, mugs, ball caps,
slippers, customized tote
bags & even apparently a
whopping $50 gift certificate.
There is mind you one small
catch. Anyone found on cam-
pus not wearing or for that.
matter failing to properly dis-
play a sponsor's logo will after
2 single reprimands be
promptly expelled from school
on the grounds of committing
an “anti -rightism” or likely
worse even yet, be forced to
face a stiff 5-year jail term as
the result of gross “counter-
corporate” insubordinance.
That’s right folks , you heard it
here first.

Dr. J “Gonzo” welcomes input from his loyal readers. Contact
him via.the “Gonzo Phone” or just dorp off your iedas at the
Over The Edge office (picutre courtesy of www.henson.com)