Poetry The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays Danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own apartment, a was nervously pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate (was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Received unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer complaining . That my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy, My eyes went ablur, And I just couldn’t study. “Some pizza might help,” I said with a shiver, * Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house Everyone was passed out drunk, even the mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care And my feet were freezing ‘cause they were bare My wife was nestled all snug in my bed While scantily clad women danced in my head I rolled over in bed and said with a snore “Come on honey, please, I want some more” When out on the lawn there arose such a noise [ran to see if it was those neighbourhood boys And, what to my wondering eyes Should appear But my good friend, Jay, with six cases of beer But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd nearly concluded That life was too cruel, With futures depending On grades earned in school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put It Off Ambled inside. His spirit was careless, His manner was mellow, His cheeks became redder As he started to bellow: “What kind of student Would make such a fuss, To toss back at teachers What they tossed at us?” “On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year’s Exams! On Wingit and Slingit, And Last Minute Crams!” His message delivered, He vanished from sight, But we all heard him laughing Outside in the night. “Your teachers have pegged you, So just do your best. Happy Finals to All, And to All, a good test.” The Top Ten Worst Christmas Gifts By Vince Yim 10: A pair of New Balance athletic shoes (endorsed by no one!) 9: Any 8-Track tape performed by. Vanilla Ice or Milli Vanilli. 8: McDonald’s gift certificates. 7: Any article of clothing with Barney or Baby Bop on it. 6: The director’s cut of James Cameron’s Terminator 2: Judgment Day...on Beta. 5: A complete set of Police - Academy movies (it doesn’t matter if it’s on Laser Disc, Beta, or VHS. They all suck anyways). 4: Underwear from someone else apart from your boyfriend/girlfriend (ie: your grandparents). 3: A box of homemade Christmas chocolates...but they aren’t really made out of chocolate. They’re really made out of chocolate covered Ex-Lax pills. 2: A Playboy video featuring La Toya Jackson (ugh!) 1: Christmas fruitcake. No one likes (let alone eats) that crap. *Twas the Night Before Christmas by Ian Lorenz Behind was a little old man all drunken and sick I thought, OH MY GOD, that’s Saint Nick Jay spoke to me as he stumbled and stammered “J thought we’d get Santa good and hammered” More rapid than Niagara he drank his beer Swerving all over with those crazy reindeer “Now Dasher, now Dancer, Prancer and Vixen On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen! To the left, to the right, all over the street Come on you dumb deer, move your damn feet” So up to the house-tops the coursers they flew With a sleigh full of beer, and St. Nicholas too Then I heard Santa say on the high rooftop Ah Dancer, that’s no place to road drop 1 left the window and jumped over the bed Down the chimney St. Nicholas landed, right on his head He survived the landing by some sort of fluke But his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and puke A wholeload of beer he held at his flank He looked like a drunk just out of the tank His eyes were barely open, he had not teeth at all This certainly wasn’t the Santa I’d seen at the mall His droll little mouth was closed up tight And you could tell by his black eye, he’d been in a fight Out of his mouth a cigarette hung Over the Edge Dec 6, spage 17 - ELVES! What is real, and what is imaginary? Adults think they have those lines clearly drawn. Children know better. They know what a boring world it would be if elves were not peeking around every corner, if old-fashioned; melodrama characters weren’t nearby to cheer (to boo), if gypsies had no power to predict the future. But some unfortunate people spend their days unaware of these wonders. What drear lives they must lead! What interesting things must be happening, right under their noses, if they would only look! For the whole family At St. Michael’s Anglican church 1505 - 5th Avenue Evenings: December 7,8,9 7:30 pm. Matinees: December 9,10 2 pm. All tickets $5 Studio 2880 ON SALE NOW! And smoke flew around him like a big pile of dung He had a broad face and a flabby beer gut He looked all too weird, like some kind of nut He was pretty darn plastered, thanks to good ol’ Jay And would have one hell of a hangover on Christmas Day With a twist of his head, and a wink of his eye He passed round more beer, and a big bottle of rye He looked at my wife and smiled with a smirk I said, “Don’t even think it, you big jerk!” Then he shot up the chimney like a bat out of hell They guy didn’t even bother to say a farewell But I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight “But, osifer, I only had one drink the whole night!” Christmas Brunch Sunday, December 17, 1995 at Le Cercle des Canadiens Francais de Prince George 1752 Fir Street, tel: 561- 2565 Brunch: from 11:00am to 12:30pm The party continues until 3:00pm with Santa. Reservations only. Call to confirm before December 11. Brunch de Noel Dimanche le 17 decembre, 1995 au Cercle des Canadiens Francais de Prince George 1752 rue Fir, tel: 561-2565 Brunch de 11h00 a 12h30 La fete. continue jusqu’a 15h00 avec le Pere Noel. Sous reservation seulement. Telephonez pour reserver avant le 11 decembre. FRENCH COURSES: Conversational French courses starting on January 16, 1996 until March 14, 1996. Beginners: every Tuesday from 7:00pm to 9:30pm Intermediate: every Thursday from 7:00pm to 9:30pm Cost: $90.00 (9 sessions) Where: Le Cercle des Canadiens Francais de Prince George 1752 rue Fir, Prince George Tel: 561-2565 For more information or to register call at the centre between 8:00am and 3:00pm on weekdays.