Over the Edge + February 2, 2011 How to Productively Procrastinate Procrastination is something we all do...so we might as well do it right HANNA PETERSEN NEWS EDITOR The right website There is no denying that while fun and entertaining, websites like facebook, twitter, and Perez Hilton are nothing more than ways to waste time and ignore the things that really need to get done. Things like assignments, readings and papers which are usually left unattended in favour of status updates and tagging photos. But some websites exists which allow you to procrastinate while tricking your subconscious into thinking you have just done something relatively productive. Websites like freerice.com even allow you to feel charitable while sitting back, staring at your computer and avoiding your to-do list. Every time you play a game and get an answer right you win 10 grains of rice which are donated to the world food program. A motivational picture on the screen even shows you how many grains of rice you need to fill up a bowl. Why not put off doing the dishes when you are helping feed the hungry? The Oxford English dictionary sponsors savethewords.org a quirky website which allows you to browse through a visual collage of obscure and pretentious words. As soon as your mouse glides over a magazine like cut out in the collage, words like cynicocratical, quaerilate, and essomenic jump up at you along with their definitions and ask you to adopt them (presumably to use them in conversation). No one has to feel guilty about procrastinating if they are improving their vocabulary! Watch a Documentary Who ever said television never taught you anything? Documentaries are fabulous because they allow you to sit back and after an hour and a half you might actually be mildly knowledgeable on a subject without expending any noticeable amount of effort. If procrastination is inevitable, a good documentary is a guilt free way to avoid studying. Not only can you waste time and put things off by watching a documentary but it’s also an easy way to impress people with your expansive array of knowledge. Overnight you can become an expert on the mating habits of penguins, the death of Tutankhamen, or even with the help of Al Gore’s little film, global warming. Clean! You just can’t studying unless your house is tidy. How can anyone possibly focus on memorizing nucleic acids when the carpet clearly needs to be vacuumed? Why even bother trying to start writing your paper when your keyboard has been collecting dust between the keys for six whole months! WIKIMEDIA COMMONS Read the Newspaper It happens all the time. The awkward situation when you realize you have been living with your head under a rock. Or somehow by a strange string of circumstances you have managed to completely miss the thing that everyone is talking To all my Single Ladies A guide to finding (or avoiding) love on the internet VERONIKA KOLLBRAND FEATUARES EDITOR Just like myself, all my single girlfriends, and their single girlfriends, and their girlfriends’ single girlfriends, | know you probably occasionally find yourself in that state of mind where you just don’t think there are men out there anymore. Okay, maybe it’s a constant state of mind for some of us. I’m here to tell you that this just isn’t true. There are PLENTY of men out there, and lucky for you, I've done the research for you (with the help of a Plenty of Fish (POF) account of course)! Bachelor #1: shirtless guy | doubt this one even needs a description, because you probably already have a mental image of the guy I’m referring to. He wears reflective sunglasses, a baseball cap — tilted to the side of course, and a chain necklace. His overdeveloped trapeziums muscles are proudly displayed in every photo. Think Jersey Shore, but with less defined abs and a farmer’s tan. Yum! His profile says he works out. Bachelor #2: the generic Prince George guy There are three pictures of him, all including his pickup truck or dog. He likes camping, country music, and watching movies. He plays hit to pass, of course, and his favorite beer is Pabst Blue Ribbon. Oh, and his profile comes equipped with his favorite dirty joke - to show you his charming sense of humor. Bachelor #3: the emotional wreck He just got his heart ripped out by some lying, cheating bitch he met on POF. So he’s back on POF. Bachelor #4: the excessive punctuation guy Actual message: “how is it going??? i’m mike... and your name is??live in pg long??what are you taking in school to become???? i liked your profile and would like to know more....what do you say???talk sometime???or go do something sometime??? *waving smiley face emoticon*” Note the use of up to four, yes FOUR, question marks at certain points. Which brings us to... / ONLINE SOURCE Which type of guy suits you best? Bachelor #5: the guy who didn’t pass grade 1 English There are WAY too many of these guys. In two days of POF messages | have lost any shred of faith | ever had in our public education system. Actual quotes (MicrosoftWord is currently choked at me for typing this): “hope to here back from you” “| think their’s someone out there for everyone” Bachelor #6: the guy who actually read your profile | personally enjoyed getting these messages, all 2 of them out of the 40+ guys | heard from. | didn’t spend 20 minutes pouring my heart out on the Internet for someone to write “hey cutie blue eyes!! cam!?” | actually got one message from a guy who addressed every point of my “the perfect guy” section of my profile and outlined how he measured up (except for the um, “equipment” section which he wanted to be a “surprise”) — helpful! Sadly for the most part these about. What Michael Jackson died?! Where was the oil spill again? What is a Wiki leak? Come to think of it the New York skyline does look different these days! Picking up a newspaper and reading a few headlines is a great way to kill time or avoid almost any pressing task. Before you know it, you'll have read the newspaper through and through (including the business section and obituaries) and simply won't have time to start preparing for midterms. Oh well, at least you can avoid being the only one in the room who doesn’t know Gordon Campbell is no longer Premier! WIKIMEDIA COMMONS guys are the less attractive ones. Can't have it all you selfish girls! Bachelor #7: the guy who actually read your profile, but hates you He sarcastically replies to everything you wrote in hopes that you'll find his rudeness cute/funny/original. Bachelor #8: Mr. Romantic, which is his category but also happens to be his username! He likes to treat a girl right, and during his ideal date (dinner, so original it kills me) hopes to be “struck speechless by your beauty.” Speechless! He’s actively searching for true love and he hopes it’s you! Yes, you! Or someone else - anyone at all really. Bachelor #9: the down to earth guy First of all, if | read the phrases “down to earth,” “good girl,” “nice girl,” “head on straight,” etc. | will probably vomit. Just saying. This is the guy that still lives with his parents, doesn’t have a job, but claims to be self-sufficient - which means that he probably at least can borrow his mom’s car to pick you up for a date. ni Bachelor #10: the sexual predator His activities include: “juggling jugs, licking labias” (Actual quote, I’m not making this up!). He likes to have fun, lots of it. He wants you to show each other stuff on webcam. He enjoys sex, in case you didn’t figure that out. Beware that these guys may not be self-proclaimed perverts. Which means it'll be a surprise! A girlfriend of mine found this out after an innocent first date with a nice boy she met on POF who cooked her dinner and then laid out lingerie in the bathroom for her to put on. There you have it ladies, your guide to available men in Prince George! Good luck out there. :)