Over the Edge *January 23rd 2013 11 HOROSCOPES CLEO STARSKY ASTROLOGER Aries: Don’t make any rash decisions, but do accept any marriage proposals that come your way. Cars are unlucky for you at this time — stay away from them if you can help it; bicycles and tricycles should be fine (weather conditions aside). Serenade someone with a musical instrument you’ve never learned. Believe in the unbelievable — the Loch Ness does exist. Taurus: Music is your friend, but do be sure to avoid dubstep and sharp corners when you can. Wear yellow (all yellow if possible) — people will automatically think of you as more enlightened than the rest of us. Read a book in another language. Call your siblings (if you don’t have any it’s about time you found some!) Gemini: Try your luck with pretzels, but don’t say you weren’t warned beforehand. Green lampshades make great housewarming gifts — just trust me on this one. Avoid metals, plastic and paper. Expand your horizons with an overdependence on glass. Thank your enemies and insult your friends just to shake up the status quo. Cancer: Stay away from tomatoes — seek out coriander. Watch as your culinary prowess takes on new heights of superstardom. Be wary of your navigational skills at this time — objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Refrain from using words ending in “ing”. Now is not the time for a dependence on verbs. Put your trust in nouns, adjectives and above all, pronouns. Leo: Keep a half drank beer can in your fridge — you never know when it might come in handy (so in all situations). Trust your animal instincts... or maybe just trust your animal’s instinct. Don’t heed popular opinion — spend all your money in one place. Climb a tower/mountain/tree it will give you a whole new perspective on your successes to date regarding ultimate world dominance. Virgo: Don’t put your trust into birds — they don’t want any real commitments, just your bread. Photograph a body part and send it to the first five people in your contact list (non- sexual preferable). Construct a crown and wear it everywhere you go — don’t let anyone treat you less than royally. Snapbacks and tattoos, that is all. Libra: Stay out (or in) all day (or night) — basically just make a decision about your life. Adopt an elder. Suck on a lemon — it will make you appreciate how good everything else tastes. Convince everyone that you are a walking encyclopedia of fun facts — your social life will see a well-earned boost. Rely on “the spirits that be” and wear an outfit that you’d normally shy away from. Scorpio: Rack up an excessive credit card bill — you will be rewarded in kind. Try parting your hair to the opposite side of your head. It’s a new year, and it’s anew you! Skip legs day at the gym. The more coffee you drink, the better. That thing you’ve wanted is now yours for the taking — don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Sagittarius: Wear more ribbons — other people thrive off of that kind of enthusiasm. Remember the 90’s? Good. Instigate some drama around you and then sit back and enjoy. Being the director of someone else’s life is sometimes (always) much more rewarding. Hair gel is a friend, treat it accordingly. Capricorn: Life is short and then you die — have fun being alive, won’t you?! Remember that there’s no such thing as too much body spray or too little accessories. Take pride in the fantasy life you have constructed for yourself — that stuff takes time! Relax in the idea of the universe and your insignificance within it. Party hats are always the answer to a bad hair day. Aquarius: First of all — happy birthday! Now is the best time to go sock shopping — a great pair of socks will do nothing short of changing your life’s destiny. People will be generous with gifts at this time, but don’t fall prey to their traps. Demand gift receipts and take orders from no one. Party hardy, as they say... Pisces: Avoid showers at this time — if anyone comments on your lack of personal hygiene explain to them that a greater power has bigger plans in mind. If you do bathe make sure it is a bath consisting primarily of beer, preferably a stout. Try your luck at gambling and by gambling I mean anything from playing video games to Rummoli. WHAT YOUR ALI SCHWABE THE FULCRUM (UNIVERSITY OF OTTAWA) What if someone took a look at your class notes and suddenly knew you were bulimic? What if they saw your signature and were able to tell you the career you’re best suited for? Graphology is the science of analyzing handwriting and connecting it to human psychology, and although the practice is not sophisticated enough to diagnose eating disorders or predict professional success, it’s pretty darn close. What does your handwriting say about you? Use these graphological interpretation principles provided by registered social worker and psychotherapist Annette Poizner to interpret your own handwriting. Upright slant Some writers write a script that is perfectly vertical, which is called an upright slant. This writing is objective, formal, and poised; and so too will be the writer. The upright slant writer is more reserved—he or she looks at a situation from the sideline, then decides how emotionally involved to become. Left slant Writing that leans to the left reveals a writer even more strongly reserved than one who uses the upright slant. This person is usually introverted and highly private. This person also tends to hold their cards close to their chest. Teeny little writing Very small writing is an expression of introversion. It is the writing of somebody with strong concentration skills, increased intelligence—because concentration always improves intelligence—and humility. If the writing is significantly flattened out or tight, it might indicate some type of repression or inhibition. I’ve seen librarians who write like this. WRITING REVEALS ABOUT YOU Large spaces between words Normally there should be only one character width between one word and the next; more than this implies somebody who has difficulty bridging the emotional gap between themselves and others. This person is distant from their own emotions as well as those of others. Small spaces between words Words that are too close together, separated by spaces of less than one character width can show that an individual is needy. This is the writing of a person who crowds others. Rounded writing Loops are the avenue of emotions—my teacher used to say that. The more loops you see, the more emotionality in the personality. Also, rounded writing shows more visual interest in beauty or beautifying the environment. These people tend to shape letters by being very true to the letter form. They honour how something should look, and want their writing to look nice. These people often have a sensitivity for dressing well, interior design, and the like. Angular writing Angular writing shows someone who is more detached, analytical, and objective. It’s usually the writing of engineers, scientists, and people who are tough-minded and think about issues without troubling over emotions. These writers strip down their handwriting and don’t care about the form of the letters that much. They abbreviate the letters. These are dispassionate people and tend to be all-or-nothing types: black-or- white thinkers. Perfect font Sometimes we see a handwriting that is fairly rigid and perfectionist, that looks like it came right out of the typewriter. These people are demonstrating through their handwriting a ee francis-moran.com repressive nature which has them potentially suffering from compulsive symptoms and pandering too much to what others think of them. These are the perfectionists. They love to do things right, and tend to also be very control-oriented and have difficulty being spontaneous or just relaxing. They tend to suffer from muscular tension. Printscript Printscript occurs when the writer sometimes prints and sometimes writes in cursive. This is an expression of intuition and writing ability. When I assess journalists, most use printscript. Crashing For some writers, the lower zone of one line intermingles with the upper zone of the line below—the bottom loop of a “Y” would hit the top of a “T” in the line below it. This is called crashing, and is indicative of an individual who daydreams, often watching an internal TV. Strong baseline When the baseline—the line of the text as it moves across the page—is firm and straight, the person writing tends to be very reliable with a strong work ethic. A wavy baseline indicates moodiness, potential difficulties with discipline, and possible medical issues. Speed How fast is the handwriting written? Carefully formed letters, and _ strong attention to dots above letters and other details indicates a writer who prefers to be slow and thorough. Messy writing which races across the page? The individual works at a fast tempo. They may not be great with detail, but they prefer to be busy, dynamic, multitasking—they like lots going on.