March 31, 2003 Page 15 Jezebel’s Jam OMFG! Lamer By Erin Baker When I was asked to cover the UNBC Women Centre’s Jezebel’s Jam, I said “Sure, why not?”, with- out even knowing what I was actually agreeing to. All I knew was that I had two little green tick- ets in my hands, and the only information that they offered was the time and location of the event. I was pleased to see that it was being held at the GALA Hall, a wonderful venue that offers a cozy, comfortable, warm environ- ment for enjoying local entertain- ers. Upon walking in the doors, our tickets were accepted and put into a bowl for door prizes that were given out throughout the evening, including homemade biscotti and rich-smelling toiletries, all donat- ed from local merchants. The emcee for the evening was Natalie Thompson, who was an excellent speaker and did a wonderful job throughout the evening introduc- ing the different performers as well as entertaining the audience during times of technical difficul- ties. My ignorances to what the evening was to-entale quickly diminished as I was bombarded with the different talents of the UNBC and Prince George commu- nity. There were poetry readings by professors, beautiful flute and acoustic guitar music from Jayme and John, two students at UNBC. Three local bands; The Socialights, Blue Honey and Foam Mesh Press entertained the audience with musical styles that ranged from Photo By Natalie Tamosiunas reggae to revolutionary. The Multicultural Club performed a group dance, there was a reading from the latest Margaret Atwood, and the evening was topped off by DJ Arius and DJ Clockw3rk. Jezebel’s Jam was a wonderful community event that was: well attended by women and men alike, young and old. The pro- ceeds from the tickets and silent auction went to support Beech House, a local resource for single parents and their children. This is an annual event, and I strongly recommend going next year, as it was the most fun that I have had in a long time. By Kathleen De Vere and Erin Baker There comes a time in one’s life, when a person just has to sit back and admit that they are not longer cool. This phase is usually defined by a sense of being removed from what is ‘hip’ what is ‘fly’ what the kids might call ‘the blingity blang cool cool’. This removal from anything that might be considered interesting, popular or new is not unlike gain- ing British citizenship, only with- out the paperwork. One day you wake up, discover that you like tea and you earnestly believe that all young people are filthy crimi- nals that should be drawn and quartered. (See, look there! The phrase young people is a dead give-away!) The people today just aren't as polite and respectful as you used to be. You stop fanati- cising about Joe Clark’s daughter and just move straight onto Joe Clark himself. One might expect this event to occur some time around middle age; but imagine what would happen if you became a stodgy old fart who would never even think of buying an anal starter kit at the tender age of 21. (Cue flashback, Wayne’s World Style...doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doodie-oot, doodle- oot, doodle-cot, doodle-cot, doo- dle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, Erin: “Hey Kathleen, what’s up my fly homie?” Kathleen: “Well, I was just doing my dishes before settling in for an early night with a spot of tea and my autographed picture of the Queen Mum.” Erin: “Why do you wanna look at that ho? Let’s throw down some tunes!” Kathleen: “Why, I quite enjoy some soft music. I just bought a particularly lovely new compact disc, they are a nice young British band.” Erin: “The only thing soft music is good for is to set the mood! Is there any hot man- action coming over later?” Kathleen: “I'll just pop it in then...” (Erin starts laughing hys- terically, Kathleen has no clue why.) Kathleen: “What do you think of them? They’re a new band called Coldplay, I just heard of them. I think they’re quite good.” Erin: “Holy shit you crazy cracker ho! These dudes are on the radio!” (Erin does some freestyle throwdowns.) Kathleen: “But whatever do you mean? I’ve never heard them on the CBC.” Erin: “OMFG! ROTFLMAO! End this bitch-ass flashback!” (End flashback, Wayne’s World Style...doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle- oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, doo- dle-oot, doodle-oot, doodle-oot, If you have not gathered from that informative, yet disturbing flashback I am what some might call, un-cool. I may be so unhip, my bottom may detach itself. In all truth and seriousness, I did not know that the band in question, Coldplay had released 2 separate albums and, at last tally, at least 5 compact disc singles. Apparently, I don’t watch TV, listen to the radio, read the newspaper or crawl out from under my rock on any occasion. I knew Aphex Twin had a new album, ‘26 mixes for Cash’ coming out, yet I remained totally oblivious to the machina- tions of popular culture as it churned past me. Hold on just one second mon compadres! Wouldn’t that make me, in some small way, kind of cool? In the same way that Margaret Thatcher was kind of bitchin’... in the same way that Nuns are hot... In the same way that giant fighting planets that are equipped with moon sized after- burners and that smash into each other in an inter-solar system smackdown are really sweet...J’m cool. Erin: “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Margaret Thatcher wasn’t bitchin’! Well, the planets are pretty sweet, but...You’re still not cool!” Kathleen: “So Joe Clark really isn’t a package of sweet man- meat?” Erin: “OMFG! End of article!” (Editor’s note: The authors have taken some liberties with the truth of the above article. And your grand- ma.)