page overtheedge 21 Feb, 1996 pe * UNIVERSITY STUDENTS AREN’T READY TO Critics Corner Peter C. Newman’s book, “The Canadian Revolution: From Deference to Defiance.” tries to argue that recent events such as constitutional crises, the rise of new parties like Reform, and the rejection of political leaders and other elites, all represent Canada in the midst of a revolution. Newman has his own ideas and reasons for the revolution, but the book is better used for catalogu- ing all the national embarrass- ments of the last decade that con- stitute major problems university students are stuck with resolving if they ever graduate. Some of these major prob- lems include the brutal fiscal real- ity of debt and deficit that means the end of the wet nurse welfare state whether we’re ready to give up the nipple or not. Other prob- lems show how crazy and out of control some Canadians have be- come. For instance, Canada’s peacekeepers, when not too busy urinating on each other, took the time to murder a Somalian kid. Still other problems show that many Canadians are mad as hell and aren’t going to take it any- Dear Dr. Morning* Star I enjoy your column a great deal and look forward to reading it in Over The Edge each week. Many people take you far" , too seriously and become angry. I feel that these people have no sense of humour and require a good, swift kick in the:,,well, I have a problem. I have a midterm coming up, but I don’t know how to study for it. Is there something that I ean do to improve my chances? A magic formula? Help me please! | Sincerely Miffed in the Midterm SAVE CANADA more. Natives are no longer con- tent to live on squalid reserves and instead block rodds and dig trenches (unless its cold out) and shoot at anyone who gets too close. As well, even things you thought you could trust in Canada are no longer safe havens. Be wary of Church because more than 100 priests and pastors have been jailed for raping kids in the last ten years. And watch out for the Red Cross that knowingly pumped HIV blood into our veins. Just looking at this incom- plete sampling of problems sug- gests how amazing it is that the United Nations still thinks Canada is the best place to live (especially since it’s “not a real country”). Never before then, have university students had so much responsibil- ity to face in dealing with these problems. At the same time though, never before have univer- sity students had such a magnifi- cent opportunity to really make a difference. Too bad then, that four forces often advanced by these potential youthful saviors mean that we may as well all pack it in now. First, no one is allowed to say what they really think. Politi- cal Correctness started out as a common sense aim to curb minor sexism in language, but exploded into political and cultural fascism, censorship that prevents the free dissemination of possible remedies for a sick country. That’s why feminists only mention Marc Lepine every December, and don’t hold vigils for the young girls Karla Homoika helped kill. But such politically correct oversight prevents all the facts of, for in- stance, reducing violent crime, from being placed on the table. In this way Canada’s problems can’t be comprehensively dealt with. Second, another reason why Canada may not be saved by university students is because no one is listening. Everyone has al- ready drawn their intellectual line in the snow and will accept no compromise. That’s why pro-lifers have no problem shooting Vancouver doctors and environ- mentalists think nothing up tying themselves up in dead old growth trees and then defecating on au- thorities. But such political funda- Dr. Morning* Star Dear Miffed, It’s about time to destroy that wonderful urban myth that cramming before a midterm actually does any good. If you don’t know it 24 hours before e. the “BIG DAY”, you’re NOT going to learn ference. So : * don’t bother. Why don’t you try to relax. Going into an exam with a lot of exam anxiety is a stupid idea. That’s when the “My mind is blank” syndrome kicks in. Stay cool, calm and collected. There are quite a few myths surrounding exam writing: for instance, downing a cup of coffee before your test is supposed to speed up the thought process. Chocolate and candy are supposed to do the same but have bad side effects for some. Other than that, Dr. Morning*Star recommends What you get a life; try putting down the text books and drinking beer. These are supposed to be the best years of your life. You’re not supposed to worry yourself into one big ulcer. Oh, and if you know you're | going to fail for sure, there are a few ways you can act out your utter hopelessness: Try folding your exam into a paper airplane or sitting there until the last minute then start scribbling like mad. mentalism prevents healthy dis- cussion of possible solutions to Canada’s problems. Third, at the same time as everyone won’t budge from their own righteous view, the contradic- tory force of relativism prevents whatever ideas or solutions are ri- diculous from being swept aside to make more time to consider so- lutions that might work. Hoping to solve the problem of child exploi- tation? Then stay away from Ryerson where professors can sodomize kids in between their office hours. Want to guarantee freedon’ of religion in the Char- ter? Then be prepared to allow life- threatening female circumcision in Canada, because some religions go for that sort of thing. In pursuing openness and tolerance in every realm of life, Canada can’t simul- taneously accept a universal mo- rality to act as a guide for resoly- ing current problems. Forth, so many university students today aren’t even capable of beginning to address Canada’s problems. As members of Genera- tion Yecch, they are too busy whining. For instance, instead of thinking of something constructive to say about funding cuts to those places called universities with classes that they sometimes go to when there are no peace marches scheduled, students take to bash- ing down the doors of the Ontario legislature. With such juvenile be- havior they don’t even deserve to sell beef at McJobs. Thus there may not be enough university stu- dents able to intelligently deal with all of Canada’s problems. Maybe it’s over for Canada then if university students can’t be counted on to resolve the country’s problems. Hopefully though, there are at least a few university stu- dents out there who aren’t afraid to say what they think despite the Politically Correct Police, who will also listen to others to overcome political fundamentalism while not going so far as to wallow in moral relativism, and will take the time to stop bitching to find a way out of this mess. A tall order, an in- credible task. -Jason Morris Top Ten Things That The Government Will Do With All The Money That They Saved By | Cutting Funds To Post Secondary Education. By Vince Yim 10: Fund Health-Care (yeah, right). 9: Slow down the increasing deficit (yeah, right). 8: Re-decorate all their offices with marble floors and silk carpeting. 7: Buy new BMW’s for all the members of parliament for every da of the week. 6: Pay for all the first-class plane rides to Hawaii. 5: Buy their $1000 plate dinners. 4: Buy another million dollar helicopter. 3: Pay off Brian Mulroney. 2: Take all the parliament buildings and replace the copper siding wit! platinum siding. 1: Increase the number of security devices at 24 Sussex Drive.