March 31, 2003

Spring has arrived and with it a
new sense of adventure. Take a
trip, even if it’s to a place not so
far away.

Taurus

What appears to be a quick
solution is actually a setback.
Take time now to do things prop-
erly.

Gemini

It will be a week of uplifting
experience. Don’t forget to thank
those who are making this time
spectacular.

Cancer

Take time out to learn how to
cook. With exams looming stress
relief and good cooking are a
must.

Leo

Beware wild turkeys.
Hoodlums of the poultry family
may stage an unexpected attack.

Virgo

A close friend will encourage
you to go bungee jumping. Don’t
be swayed by their enthusiasm if
the experience is not desired.

Catch up on sleep. The upcom-
ing week will be full of activities.
Take it one step at a time.

Scorpio

The sky is falling chicken little.
Spread the news but don’t be sur-
prised by your friends’ skeptical
remarks.

Sagittarius

Your dreams have been focused
on cats lately-tigers to be exact.
An opportunity will soon arise
for a closer connection with these
majestic animals.

Capricorn

New experiences alter your
previous beliefs. keep an open
mind, but be rational.

Aquarius

Don’t be discouraged. Life has
been full of the serious stuff
recently. Take time out to pamper
yourself and wait through the
hard times.

Pisces

Be prepared to duck often.
Watch for flying fish. If you are
hit shower to remove the scales. .

Disclaimer:

All Horoscopes provided by Over The
Edge are completely fictional, and if
you believe them you are so stupid you
require a safety helmet. And you defi-
nitely need a safety thong toot

CULTURE

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How to be a Canadian

By Sarah Conchie, Ubyssey

“The Canadian flag does not
look like a giant nosebleed.” So
say the brothers Ferguson in
their first collaborative effort to
describe the peculiar habits of
this vast country and its elusive
culture.

How to Be a Canadian is a
Dummies-style handbook that
explains all things Canuck in
17 chapters of rip-roaring
satire.

The theme of national identi-
ty is a favoured vehicle for Will
Ferguson, as evidenced in his
previous works like Why I
Hate Canadians and Canadian
History for Dummies.

Adding fresh wit is Ian

Ferguson (author of Sin City),
Will’s older brother and a
humorist in his own right.

I don’t recommend this book
to those preparing to write the
Canadian Citizenship exam.
Nor should anyone read it in
hopes of finding a definitive,
ethnically sensitive guide to
the Canadian experience.
According to the authors, all
Newfoundlanders are
nymphomaniacs, Tim Horton’s
is the national religion, and the
federal government is up for
re-election every two to three
months. There is rampant
Swede bashing and all kinds of
politically incorrect mischief,
and the “Cross Canada Tour”

offers up an impressive and
universally offensive array of
provincial stereotypes.

Reducing the entire history
of Canada to a single page of
comedic brilliance and con-
vincingly selling the sex appeal
of Canadian Tire takes a certain
skill, and the authors provide a
punchy and thoroughly amus-
ing romp through a familiar
landscape.

Knowing the finer points of
insulting the locals may not be
the best way to assimilate the
culture, but learning to laugh at
ourselves is a valuable lesson
and, many would argue, what
we as Canadians do best.