JOURNEYS OF DISORIENTATION & DISLOCATION: WOMEN/
INVISIBLE DIS/ABILITY IN AND OUT OF SOCIAL WORK. A
TRANSDISCIPLINARY EXPLORATION
by
Jorge Mai Kelly
B.S.W. (Hons.), University College of the Cariboo/ Nicola Valley
Institute of Technology, 2001

THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF
THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK

THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
December 2009
© Jorge Mai Kelly, 2009

1*1

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ABSTRACT
Research Question:
Please describeyour experience of invisible illness/ dis/ ability and what this has meant toyou both professionally
andpersonally.
This is a qualitative, exploratory study in which six women (including myself) who
work/have worked within the social work profession, responded to the research question
employing an online-email method \ I developed a variety of "self-monitoring" questions to
assist the process. These questions were designed to be used as conversational prompts only if
necessary, and to make up for absence of face-to-face contact. The participants were found
using a snowball sample.
This research is an exploration of female social workers' experiences with invisible
illness/dis/ability. Specifically, the study explores the intersections and subjectivity of a variety
of women's oppressions, including socialization, media/body image, sexual identity, and aging in
relation to the effects of gender violence and women's health, sense of well being, and social
worker retention in rural, isolated, and northern communities. Gender violence will be
understood to include a continuum of violence extending from economic coercion to outright
physical abuse.
I explored the possibilities (and potential linkages) that there may or may not be a
relationship between women's previous experiences of marginalization and oppression,
including trauma, abuse, neglect, poverty, and abandonment, which might increase the likelihood
of further such experiences within a social work setting, and that gender violence is contrary to
social worker retention, specifically in rural, isolated, and northern communities. "The fact that

1

In order to accommodate my own illness, a minor reconfiguration of a semi-structured interview format was
employed to obtain the data.

they seemed so eager to please made them more vulnerable to exploitation" (Transken, 2003, p.
168).
This may include that women position or allow themselves to be positioned in social work
environments paradoxically to re-encounter such situations that would not likely be experienced
in other non-caring, or traditionally "male" professions. Our choices are shaped by our structural
contexts and vice versa. Our choices are also influenced by subconscious and subtle dynamics.
More specifically, in this initial exploratory research, I am interested to know how becoming
invisibly ill impacts women's overall existence, working environments/ work relationships, and
how these women maneuvered through the various systems 2.
Please note that the dynamics I am exploring in my research are not limited to women. I
have personal knowledge of male workers who have experienced situations of violence and
abandonment. Male workers who experience illness/disability frequently feel "impotent" and
often are feminized within the agency hierarchies, left effectively powerless and alone. However,
this is not the focus of my research study and shall be for another researcher to explore in more
depth. But I am curious to know if men with histories of trauma/oppression are also inclined to
become social workers and if so, do they experience similar circumstances? And if not, might
they instead be disposed towards positions of promotion and leadership (and non-caring
professions)?
All sorts of women have known in their daily lives the low self-esteem that is attendant upon
cultural depreciation, the humiliation of sexual objectification, the troubled relationship to a
socially inferiorized body, the confusions and even the anguish that come in the wake of

2

As the research evolved, I began to question if there might be a social connectedness component that could
perhaps be an important indicator in regard to how women might perceive and maneuver through their experiences
with invisible disability/illness. For instance, are the invisible illness/disability experiences of women who are well
connected to her family, friends and community versus women who are relatively isolated from family, friends,
community (ie 'transplanted' for employment) dis/similar?2

incompatible social definitions of womanhood; women of all kinds and colors have endured
not only the overt, but also the disguised and covert attacks of a misogynist society (Bartky,
1990, p. 9).

TABLE OF C O N T E N T S
Acknowledgements
Abstract
INTRODUCTION

1-

DEFINITIONS

9-16

Chapter One

Chapter T w o

THEORETICAL PERSPECTIVE FOR
C O L L E C T I O N A N D ANALYSIS O F D A T A
Cultural Studies
Hermeneutic Phenomenology
Critical Social Science
Feminist Perspective
Locating Myself in the Research
"Processual Methodology"

17-28
17
17
19
21
25
26

EXPLORING T H E LITERATURE
29 - 123
PARTI
CAUTION: Social Work is Hazardous To Your Health!
29-73
Historical Overview of Social Work
29
Production Equals Destruction of the Masses
32
Communities of Women and Social Work
33
Structural Domination
36
The Oppressive Nature of Female Socialization
41
Women and Caring
47
Economics of Caring
48
Poverty/ Oppression/ Trauma Within the Social
54
Work Profession:
66
Gate Keeping
68
Professional Absurdity
PART II
CONFUCTIONS <& PRESCRIPTIONS: Reality vs. Delusion:
74-87
Social Work and the North
Vicarious Trauma/ Compassion Fatigue
74
and Social Workers
80
Aboriginal Communities
86
A Little Off The Top...
Retention of Social Workers in Rural/Remote/
87
Northern Communities
PART III
93 -123
CUNTROL: Socially Constructed Female
93
Are We There Yet? Connecting the Dots
Women/Health/Illness/Body Image/ Media Influence 95
99
Don't They Listen?
100
Says Who?
Premonition of Betrayal: Disability/Illness/ Health
113
Women Invisible Illness/ Disability /Aging
116
Women Invisible Illness/Sexual Identity
118
The Productive Female
120
121
Lifting The Fog

Chapter T h r e e

METHODOLOGIES
A Cultural Studies Bricolage
Twisted Journey Between Goodness & Evil
Disability Studies
Not Without My Health

124 -134
124
125
126
131

Chapter Four

RESEARCH D E S I G N / M E T H O D
Self Reflexive Auto-Ethnography
Sample
Data Collection Process
Participant Interviews
Making A Quilt: Qualitative Data Analysis
Validity and Limitations of the Study
Triangulation/ Crystallization
Confidentiality/ Ethical Considerations /
Informed Consent
Timeframes
Financial Considerations

135-159
135
136
137
139
144
149
154
156
157
158

SO W H A T ?
Findings
Presentation of Results
Hope/ Faith/ Spirituality/ Forgiveness

160-177
160
168
168

Chapter Five

References Cited
Appendices

Approval F o r m s

178-188
Goddess Names/Biographies
C A S W / A C T S - Statement on non-violence
G o d ' s Litde Lessons on Life for W o m e n

190
192
193

Acknowledgements
I thank my thesis supervisor, Dr. Si Chava Transken for her thoughtful, wise, and gentle
encouragement and support. I believe that without her guidance and nurturing throughout this
process, the likelihood of my completion would have diminished. I am grateful to her for
releasing the flood gates that so diligently divide creativity and scholarly knowledge. This was at
first terrifying, but quickly became empowering and refreshing. Also I thank the many First
Friday Research Group people for their creatively helpful and insightful wisdom, their humorous
anecdotes, and for providing boundless inspiration to persevere. This space was ripe with
creative, academic, and artistic energy making the journey more bearable by decreasing the
isolation, thereby reducing the likelihood that I might become one of many lost and forgotten
along the dusty academic trail...
I thank the women, who have become my friends, who were brave enough to speak out for
this somewhat risque and potentially damaging research. It took immense courage for them to
disclose details of their stories and I am forever grateful. I offer a huge thank you to the former
assistant to the dean, Bethany, because if she had not taken me by the hand, and personally
walked me direcdy to the UNBC wellness centre, it is quite likely I would not be writing this
now. She recognized my desperation and suicidal state, and perhaps it was her own fear that
made her refuse to let me leave her office that day. Regardless, it was this act of kindness that
connected me to the counseling department and I have since been in the care of a superb team
of helpers, without which I would not have managed to continue this academic and healing
journey.
I offer tremendous gratitude to the scholarship programs, for without the generosity of the
donations I would not have had the financial means with which to complete my studies. I also
wish to thank the graduate studies department for supporting me through this journey. They
permitted medical leaves of absence when I was incapable of producing quality academic
material for a variety of interconnected health/ financial related reasons which also stopped the
timeframe clock making it possible for me to complete my program. And finally, I thank my
beautiful son for his amazing, depthful knowledge and appreciation of me as a woman, a friend,
and as his mother. His confidence in me is my soul-food. I also must thank my ancestors, my
spirit guides, and the Creator for this opportunity to listen and to speak. The voices of my
grandmothers roar loudly as the bear within...
AttMy 'Relations
"Kp^cdertvc
Mitafcuye Oyasin...

1

"VntilLiens have their own historian, tales of the hunt wilt always reflect the hunter" African (proverb3.
INTRODUCTION
"The starting point of phenomenological research is largely a matter of identifying what it is
that deeply interests you or me and of identifying this interest as a true phenomenon, i.e., as
some experience that human beings live through" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 40). I interviewed
women who have experienced invisible illness/ disability at some point during their careers as
social workers. I have woven their stories throughout the presentation and analysis of the data.
These accounts are both poignant and enlightening. ("When you cut off arterial blood to an
organ, the organ dies. When you cut the flow of nature into people's lives, their spirit dies. It's as
simple as that" (Adbusters, as cited in Journal of the Mental Environment J a n / F e b 2004 No.
51).
Saukko describes how research now spills over traditional paradigmatic as well as geographic
boundaries (2003, p. 6). Therefore we can not fully understand the experiences of women and
invisible illness/disability unless we also examine the intersections of women, health, medicine,
socialization, society, power, violence/trauma and her/history. Essentially, this lends itself to
the creation of an expanded discourse in women's studies. Meekosha (1999) refers to Browne et
al. (1985); Saxton and Howe (1988); Keith, (1994); and Barrett (1995) when she writes that
although disabled women are not widely visible throughout much feminist research, this does
not mean that they do not have much to say. It becomes imperative that as feminist researchers
we offer them such spaces in the literature (p. 164).
"A phenomenological question must not only be made clear, understood, but also "lived" by
the researcher" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 44); this study includes my own reflexive accounts that
have been part of this process since my arrival at UNBC for the purpose of my MSW. These

3

"Hoist, The Zebra Storyteller".

2

accounts include "extreme journaling" (Denzin, 1997, 1989; Transken, 2000, 2003, 2004) and
poetry, van Mannen (1990) wrote that "poetry allows the expression of the most intense
feelings in the most intense form. For this reason we encounter the frequent use of lines from
poetic texts in hermeneutic or phenomenological writing" (p. 71) like the following passage:
The trouble with you cs you've lost a screw I'm sorry it's you but there's nothing to do
There'll be no abatements there are no replacements Don't make a to-do just say toodle-oo
I'm sorry I can't help you you'd cost too much to redo You'll have to be abolished report to
be demolished (Ralph, 1976).
Reflexivity begins from the very moment that we have an idea for a research study. It
shapes the questions that we ask and how we ask them. It shapes why we ask the particular
questions that we do, and it guides our thoughts. Reflexivity exemplifies the subjective nature of
human interactions. Reinharz (1997) suggests that if we, as researchers are unaware of how we
affect the people being studied, we cannot begin to understand the phenomenon being studied.
Referring to Carolan (2003), reflexivity illuminates and helps us examine the deeper meanings of
the phenomenon we are exploring. It both allows us to view the data through the eyes of the
participants and it helps us identify potential systemic barriers as it makes visible the lens of
one's own philosophy. Reinharz (1992) wrote that "feminist researchers frequently present
their research in their own voice" (p. 28). Carolan (2003) agrees with psychologists Michelle
Fine, Stephanie Riger and Margaret Gordon (N.D.) when she discusses the importance of
locating ourselves within our research as necessary so as to not further perpetuate the "historic
silencing of women" (p. 63). She also mentions that when we make ourselves visible in our
research, we are essentially outing ourselves, but this opens up the process for discussions about
the "often passionate reactions to our research" (p. 63).

3

Reflexivity is not a process of looking back but instead it is a dialectic process of living in the
moment and although it cannot be seen, it is very much visible to the skilled interviewer, and so
it should be. Reflexivity then can be understood as the unseen entity that is the intersection
between the researcher, the participants, and the conscious and unconscious energies between
the research and the people. Referring to the work of Cutcliffe (2000), Ellis et al (1997), Okely
(1992), Rice and Ezzy (1999), and Turner (1981) Carolan (2003) describes qualitative research as
a process involving interactions between the researcher and the data. Keeping with this, both
reflexivity and reciprocity will be crucial and visible throughout the entire process of this
research.
The Concise Oxford Dictionary (1995) defines reciprocity as "a mutual give and take" and
the "interchange of privilege" (p. 1147). Reciprocity is widely understood in North American
culture as the exchange of goods and/or services/ideas with others for mutual benefit. Carolan
(2003) refers to Oakley (1981), when she explains how there can be no intimacy without
reciprocity. Reciprocal self-disclosure was built into my research design in that I was also a
participant and my responses were viewed by the participants and woven through the paper as
well. Reinharz (1992) describes researcher self-disclosure as good feminist practice. Reinhartz
suggests that by locating oneself within the research as an equal, the researcher is able to share
space with other women and potentially to reduce perception of power imbalances between
researcher and researcher. Alvesson and Skoldberg (2000) agree that intimacy and reciprocity
help researchers to build rapport and mutuality within the interviews and that this fosters
genuine empathy. Carolan (2003) argues that "engaging in empathetic sharing makes the
interviews more honest and morally sound". This argument was also supported by Fontana and
Frey (1998, as cited in Carolan 2003). And Davidson (2001) described 'processual methodology'
which is a feminist-based concept involving reciprocal sharing, specifically the use of empathetic

4

humor, as a means by which to reduce the imbalance of power between researchers and
interviewees, in order to more fully appreciate the research experience. This will be discussed
further within this thesis.
I first defined some of the terminology that I used within the paper to clarify any potential
misunderstandings. I then provided analysis from a reflexive, auto-ethnographic, "polycentric"
(Delaney, 1999, p. 13), feminist perspective, how structural oppression is manifested against
women working in the social work profession, and how these factors are non-conducive to the
positive emotional/mental and physical health of women. And I attempted to illustrate how
implicitly, overtly, a n d / o r unintentionally condoning the oppression and marginalization of
women is contrary to the retention of social workers, specifically in rural, isolated, and northern
communities. Mackelprang & Salsgiver (1999) write this:
We create the context that acknowledges the devaluation and oppression of persons with
disabilities, that recognizes the development of a culture built upon that oppressive
experience, and that suggests the need for an aggressive political struggle to remove that
oppression (p. xvi).
It is my hope that this research reflects and honours the "frustrated efforts" (Sass, 1998) of
early activists, such as "Jane Addams, Florence Kelley, Alice Hamilton, Lillian Wald, Rose
Schneiderman, Francis Perkins, Karen Silkwood, Connie Greenwood and the many other
courageous and dedicated women" (p. 25). Their activism created "workplace health and safety
legislation and policies and regulations during the first half of this century and later led to the
Occupational Safety and Health Act in the United States in 1970 (p. 26). "They acted against
status quo policies as if policy-makers were drugged and oblivious to the human condition" (p.
26). Sass writes also:

5

Their unpopular investigations, political activity, and whistie-blowing kept alive a tradition
inspiring hope and the condition of possibility for action against a capitalist corporate elite
hungrily devouring whatever stands in their greedy path. It is a tradition in which the labour
movement is also embedded (p. 26).
I do not imagine that this style and tone of research will make me popular among all policy
makers. Neither do I expect the job offers to pour in subsequent to my thesis defense, and due
to the nature of my own invisible illness, I am in no physical position to accept employment
anyhow.
Prior to the onset of this research, I looked but did not find any specific research studies that
pertain to the experiences of women who grew up in working class environments, chose social
work as a profession, and later became invisibly ill/ disabled. The contemplation and discussion
of these intersecting realities is where my potential original contribution to the social work
literature may exist. There were, however, numerous studies that included women, poverty,
oppression, trauma, illness and violence. And I was fortunate to find a surplus of substantiative
literature that included women in academia. For instance, Isaac (1995) stated that in academia
"class inequalities are rendered invisible and middle class norms are maintained in the name of
professionalism" (p. 12, as cited in Coldwell, 1998, p. 4). This will be further explored within
this paper, as will women's body-image perceptions as they are shaped by portrayals dominated
in contemporary North American media; this is very relevant to women's experiences of
dis/ability.
It is not my purpose to expose the profession of social work as an unkind profession who
chews up and spits out its own young, although I suppose that is an arguable point. It is my
intention, however, that this research becomes my own resistance, in the spirit of women such
as Bridget Moran who was only finally embraced and honoured by the profession and by her

6

peers in death. This research is my refusal to tolerate and condone, in disabled silence, the
continued devaluation of social workers: "Self reflection is the way in which pedagogy reflects
on itself while serving other," (van Mannen, 1990. p. 89). This paper, therefore, is a political
action statement written to honour and reclaim the voices of the women who give of themselves
to a profession that offers in return, little in compensation despite the continued sacrifices of its
members:
They acted for life and integrity of both body and mind. They bridged the false dualism that
inhibited thinking about the actual experiences of workers and introduced a definition of
working conditions which now exists in all occupational health and safety statutes in
Canada—" the physical, mental and social" well-being of workers (Sass, 1998, p. 26).
My argument is that the same profession which mandates its employees to protect the "intrinsic
self worth and dignity" (BCASW, 1985) of clients, offers nothing of this philosophy to those
whose front-line work benefits the masses. Instead as Sass, 1998, wrote, "on the contrary, they
opposed mediation of economic considerations with worker health and safety. Their 'voice'
introduced an ethical judgment into our conversation and praxis about working conditions" (p.
26).
As social "workers, despite that we continue to sacrifice our emotional and physical well
being, to protect and help others, the profession itself neither respects our dignity, nor does it
reflect our value as employees in regards to wages and benefits, job expectations, job security,
job safety, or overall employee health: "My request for compassionate transfer on 'medical
grounds' was denied due to lack of supporting medical evidence (my physicians refused to
complete forms). And further requests for part-time work were also refused, prior to me
becoming permanendy disabled" (2009, participant interview, Hel). This blatandy

7

contraindicates the statements referenced from the Canadian health and safety statutes and the
BCASW.
Sass, (1998) wrote, "the political experiences of these women, reformers represent the
possibility of ameliorating suffering, degradation and humiliation for those marginalized and for
the worst-off (p. 25). And sadly, this is despite the tireless efforts of past and present social
activists (feminist and women's movements) whose attempts to create change within the existing
structures, seem almost futile: "During these dark and dangerous times both movements must
be more and more in harmony. There must bcpolis for both" (p. 26).
It is as if regardless of policies and legislations implemented to protect marginalized groups,
social workers have been overlooked and disregarded:
Incremental improvements by regulatory agencies without any consideration of an
alternative paradigm are dismissive of existing worker-suffering.. .existing policies
marginalizes the sufferer, colonizes consciousness, and bureaucratizes the mind (p. 26).
And in this manner our work is negated in such a profound way because the profession itself is
comprised largely of women, and it is we who were supposed to be protected from inequality,
exclusion and other oppressive means of domination in the first place. Ironically, it seems to me
that we have we cut off our noses to save our faces: "While the notion of caring incorporates
both labour and love, the assumption that they are inseparable can call into question the integrity
of a woman's caring about when she is no longer able to cute for'' (Baines, Evans & Neysmith,
1991, p. 15).
Invisible dis/ability is a sensitive and heated political and private issue. Because of this, I
have done my best to honour the voices of the women who were brave enough to share this
journey with me for the purpose of bringing to the forefront that which is necessary.
"Provocateurs, oppressors, all those who in some way injure others, are guilty, not only for the

8

evil they commit, but also of the perversion into which they lead the spirit of the offended"
(Alesandro Manzoni as cited in Sass, 1998, p. 27). The following poem illustrates this:
If health were wealth spread like clean air in Eden then companies would have changed their
paradigm, banks wouldn't control the world, authentic complex democracy would exist,
neither employment nor unemployment would make us sick, we'd live long enough to
profoundly know love in multiplicity, other currencies would find equality with money, the
words patriarchy & duplicity would be archaic & attendance at the academy would be free
for everybody (Transken, 2008, p. 214).
As this paper progressed, and the research unfolded, I began to question the potential
connections between women's experiences of invisible illness/disability, including recovery,
management and the progression of disease, in regard to our perceptions, support systems,
friendships, and work environments. Is the relationship between ourselves and our invisible
dis/ability affected by social status, class or financial position? For instance, does where we live
have any bearing on our ability to access medical care and treatment? Who takes care of our
children (if we have any) when we have appointments? H o w close in proximity to our home, are
those appointments? Are they in the same community? An hour's drive away? Ten hours? Who
do we turn to for support? Who takes care of us after surgery? Spouse/partner? Family?
Friends? Self? These concepts will be explored within the paper.

9

D E F I N I T I O N S in alphabetical order:
1. Abuse and neglect, as derived and adapted from the Child Family Community Services
Act (1998), shall mean, for the purpose of this paper, the non-accidental physical or mental
injury, sexual abuse, negligent treatment or maltreatment of a female person. It includes
situations in which a (female) person has suffered physical trauma, deprivation of basic
physical and developmental needs or mental injury (MCF, 1998; CF & CS Statistics, 1999).
2. Able-ism is defined as "stereotyping and making negative generalizations about people
with disabilities" (Barker, 2003, p. 1).
3. Ageism "is defined in The Encyclopedia of Phobias, Fears and Anxieties as a 'stereotyping of
old people' which results in discriminatory practices in order 'to avoid primitive fears of
aging'" (Doctor and Kahn, 1989, p. 12 as cited in Wright, 1992, p. 145). "See also
gerontophobia" (Barker, 2003, p. 12).
4. Alienation is a capitalist divide and conquer tactic of worker dehumanization, in which the
"structurally imposed breakdown of the interconnectedness that is, to Marx, an essential part
of life..." (Barbalet, 1983:53 as cited in Wright, 1992, p. 56), and structurally creates "social
isolation", "conflict and hostility" between workers and "competition" for maximum
"productive output" (Wright, 1992, p. 56). It effectively "turns workers into 'crippled
monstrosities' and 'reduces them to animals, beasts of burden, or inhuman machines'" (pp.
56-57).
5. Burnout is understood as described by Maslach as "a syndrome of emotional exhaustion,
depersonalization and reduced personal accomplishment in response to chronic emotional
strain from dealing extensively with troubled people" 4 . Gilliland and Roberts suggest some

4

Schmidt, 2003, Classnotes, November 19th.

10

reasons for burnout including large caseloads, lack of worker expertise, demanding
employers, unbending institutional rules and procedures, unending paperwork, and 16 hour
work days 3. Other factors to be understood when referring to burnout, for the purpose of
this paper, include a sense of powerlessness and isolation. "The nature of work that feminist
professionals do, and the institutional refusal to fully consider what is involved in our work,
can lead to burnout" (Transken, 2003, p. 87).
6. Caring "is a particular kind of relation between two people—a carer and a "cared for"
(see also Noddings 1984). It may occur in a brief episode or in a relationship extended over
time (p. 160).
7. Compassion Fatigue means the natural, consequent behaviours and emotions resulting
from knowing about a traumatizing event experienced by a significant other, also known as
vicarious traumatization 6.
8. Counter-transference refers to the "feelings, wishes, and defensive operations of the
clinician towards the client" (Barker, 2003, p. 100). Reflexivity/ Transference/ Countertransference are essentially the same concepts within research and clinical practice.
9. Culture can be understood as a network of shared meanings and taken for granted as
reality by those who interact within the network (Zapf, 1993, p. 696).
10. Dialectic is a concept that helps us to understand and manage reflexive processes. This
is a concept that describes our understanding of all things in relation to each other and
within a process of contextual basis. It speaks to the fluid and changing nature of those
meanings as they are shaped by social and cultural values (Ritzer, p. 43). It seems that if one
understands how systems theory works, in that all units are in fact connected and
interconnected, the concept of dialectic processes are similar and related in theory.
5
6

Schmidt, 2003, Classnotes, November 19th .
Schmidt, 2003, Classnotes, November 19th.

11

11. Disability as cited in Barker (2003) is the temporary or permanent reduction in
function; the inability to perform some activities, that most others can perform, usually as a
result of a physical or mental condition or infirmity (p. 121).
12. Empowerment as defined by Gutierrez (1991, p. 201) is a process of increasing
personal, interpersonal, or political power so that individuals can take action to improve their
lives (as cited in Transken, 2003, p. 86, as cited in Dana Hearne (ed.).
13. Gender "is the cultural or social construction of sex" (Wright, 1992, p. 140).
14. Feminism as described in Dominelli & McLeod (1989) is based in the concept that
"there are two types of people in the world, the dominant and the subordinate" (p. 1) and
analysis of social relations from this superior-inferior standpoint must be posited in terms of
gender and equality. Feminism, in theory, is the intellectual, philosophical and physical
resistance against discrimination (oppression and marginalization) including racism, classism,
heterosexism, ageism and able-ism. Bartky (1990) wrote that "to be a feminist, one first has
to become one". She added that this process of "profound personal transformation"
extends beyond simply the "political spheres of human activity", and in reference to the
work of Paulo Freiere, alters one's consciousness and intensifies awareness of self and others
(Bartky, 1990, pp. 11-12). "Feminists are no more aware of different things than other
people; they are aware of the same things differently" (p. 13). Weedon (1987, p. 1, as cited
in Durand, 2003, p. 8) provides the following definition of feminism:
Feminism is politics. It is a politics directed at changing existing power relations between
women and men in society. These power relations structure all areas of life, the family,
education and welfare, the worlds of work and politics, culture and leisure. They
determine who does what and for whom, what we are and what we might become.

12

15. First-hand experiences shall include, as derived from the Oxford Dictionary of
Current English, any "from the original source; direct" (Thompson, 1998, p.327) emotional,
physical, mental or sexual experience(s) where a female person was subjected to, witnessed
(saw or heard), or intervened in a situation where she perceived herself and/ or her
companions, including family members, children, spouse, or other persons to whom she is
emotionally attached, to have been in some way threatened, or in danger, and facing negative
or stressful repercussion of that situation.
16. Interdisciplinarity (Andermahr, Lovell, & Wolkowitz, 2000) "draws upon more than
one discipline". It differs from multidisciplinary in that it has the tendency to blur the
confines of methodological boundaries within the disciplines. It is particularly beneficial to
analysis of women, gender and culture (pp. 135-136).
17. Interpersonal Violence as defined in Wagner (2008) is a particular form of trauma,
specifically, having "experienced either physical or sexual abuse at some point" in one's life.
18. Marginalization (Andermahr, Lovell, & Wolkowitz, 2000) is "an interdisciplinary term",
which refers to "the process in which a subject is rendered marginal through the exercise of
power" (p. 150). "Within patriarchal cultures women, despite their numerical majority, are
marginalized by a range of practices and discourses including employment law and academic
disciplines" (p 150).
19. Negative, for the purpose of this paper, shall mean "lacking positive attributes,"
(Thompson, 1998, p. 595).
20. Northern Rural and Remote Social Work Practice "Hamelin, (as cited in Henning,
2006) identified ten fundamental elements of northernness (latitude, summer heat, annual
cold, types of ice, total precipitation, natural vegetation, cover, accessibility, by means other
than air, air service, population, and degree of economic activity" (p. 45). Henning noted

13

that the relevance of Hamelin's work in that "he recognizes that the influence of human
activity and northernness can change over time (Johnston, 2004, p. 2 as cited in Henning,
2006, p. 45).
21. Patriarchy is the focus of "men's power, authority and dominance over women in the
economic and domestic workplaces" (Dahlerup, 1987, p. 95 in Baines, Evans, Neysmith
1991, p. 19). Particularly important to an understanding of patriarchy is women's role in
reproduction-giving birth and rearing the next generation- although feminists differ in their
interpretations and their emphases (p. 20):
".. .all human societies are patriarchal in that they are segregated by sex such that women
are oppressed in social and political institutions; they divide productive and reproductive
labour by sex and discriminate against women economically; they privilege men over
women generally, guaranteeing men greater and nonreciprocal access to women's
material and immaterial resources; they value men and masculinity more highly than
women and femininity; and their discursive and symbolic systems centralize, standardize,
and normalize male subjectivity and points of view while casting women as the
objectified other (Payne, 1996, p. 394, as cited in Henning, 2006, pp.3-4).
22. Polis is discussed by Sass (1998) as a crucial space within work environments where
there is a conversation without pre-assumptions and preconditions (Sass, 1998, p. 26).
Here workers openly discuss their experiences and feelings and moods which inform
them. This is the condition for the possibility of political action and the saying of " n o "
to dangerous conditions. This is the negation of negative working conditions. It is a
moral response to the objectification of workers, their superfluity and commodification.
Aristotle referred to such a space as the polis (p. 26).

14

23. Polycentric, means that the social worker may draw knowledge from an eclectic,
multidisciplinary source. In other words there are bits of information, outside of the
traditional field of social work that might help the social worker in her analysis of a perceived
problem. The social worker might adapt information from studies that are useful from such
disciplines as psychology, sociology, anthropology or gender studies (Collier, p. 35).
24. Poverty, for the purpose of this paper, shall be defined, as outlined in Barker (2003, p.
333), poverty is the state of being poor or deficient in money or means of subsistence.
People who are impoverished may be considered transitional poor (a brief, temporary
poverty related to specific environments in one's life or environment), marginal poor
(moving in and out of poverty because of job insecurity, inadequate skills, or limited
education), and residual poor (long-term and intergenerational poverty).
25. Power is "the process of accruing and maintaining influence (and is).. .measured by the
extent to which another's activities conform to one's preferences" (Mondros & Wilson,
1994, p. 227, as cited in Geisbrecht, 2003, p. 157).
26. Psychological Oppression as defined in Bartky, (1990) "can be regarded as the
'internalization of intimidations of inferiority"' 7 (p. 22).
27. Reflexive Process "Ahem (1990) provides a further conceptualization of reflexivity, one
that involves two processes; self-reflection and the subsequent identification of the
researcher's feelings and preconceptions; and second, the ability to put aside (emphasis added)
these feelings and preconceptions (as cited in Cutcliffe, 2003). "In the process/relationships
with each other and with the text production we recreate and redesign some aspects of our
selves as we invent the books. We design the books and they redesign us" (Transken, 2003,
p. 11).
7

Joyce Mitchell Cook, paper delivered at Philosophy and the Black Liberation Struggle Conference, University
of Illinois, Chicago Circle, November 19-20, 1970, as cited in Bartkey (1990).

15

28. Reflexivity "can be defined as thoughtful, conscious self-awareness". "The reflective
ethnographer does not simply report 'facts' or 'truths' but actively constructs interpretations
of his or her experiences in the field and then questions how those interpretations came
about" (Hertz, 1997, p. viii as cited in Finlay, 2002, p. 532). "The researcher strives to
capture some of the connections by which subject and object influence and constitute each
other" (p. 533).
The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we
fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how
failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds (Laing, as cited in Zweig
& A b r a m s , 1990, p. xix).
29. Repercussion, for the purpose of this paper, shall mean "indirect effect or reaction
following an event or act" (Thompson, 1998, p. 768).
30. Social Class as described by Oilman, are "reified social relations" or "the relations"
between men [that] have taken on an independent existence" (1976:204-205 as cited in
Ritzer, 2000, p. 64). "Social classes arise out of the acts of production; people come to reify
classes, and as result these classes come to have a life of their own that constrains the actor"
(p. 64).
31. Social worker, as defined by the Social Workers Act (1979), is
a person who has these traits: The qualifications will include 1) A bachelor's or master's
degree in social work; or 2) a degree or certificate deemed by the Board to be equivalent
to a master's degree in social work or the postgraduate degree in social work; or 3) to be
a "registered social worker" or "professional social worker" in another province where
the standards are not less than the minimum standards prescribed under this Act and
regulations (R.S.B.C., c. 389). sic.

16

32. Ttansference refers to the transfer of positive and negative feelings/emotions from
clients to clinicians (Barker, 2003, p. 439).
33. Trauma, "as used within constructivist self-development theory (CSDT) is a process
definition" (Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995):
We define it as the unique individual experience, associated with an event or enduring
conditions, in which, (1) the individual's ability to integrate affective experience is
overwhelmed or (2) the individual's experiences a threat to life or bodily integrity. The
pathognomonic responses are changes in the individual's (1) frame of reference, or usual
way of understanding self and world, including spirituality, (2) capacity to modulate
affect and maintain benevolent inner connection with self and others, (3) ability to meet
his psychological needs in mature ways, (4) central psychological needs, which are
reflected in disrupted cognitive schemas, and (5) memory system, including sensory
experience (p. 61).
34. Vicarious Traumatization, as defined in Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995), "is the
transformation in the inner experience of the therapist that comes about as a result of
empathetic engagement with client's trauma material" (p. 31).

17

CHAPTER ONE
T H E O R E T I C A L PERSPECTIVE FOR C O L L E C T I O N A N D ANALYSIS OF D A T A
Cultural Studies
"Cultural studies is an extremely valuable tool" for social researchers to utilize daily "because
it is a sphere in which class, gender, race and other inequalities," including dis/ability "are made
meaningful or conscious" (Henning, 2006, p. 9). "Self-reflexive autoethnography has been used
relatively widely in cultural studies" (Saukko, 2003, p. 86). "Cultural studies gives the female
audience a place to discuss the meaning of caregiving because the cultural economy does not
circulate the same way as wealth does in the financial economy" (Fiske, 1987, as cited in
Henning, 2006, p. 11). Hochman (2004) wrote "the words tell us who is owned, and who is
free, who really counts and who is merely secondary" (as cited in Shaw &Lee, 2004, p. 320).
For the purposes of this study, I will be incorporating literature from multiple sources and
genres. There will be some authors whose work I refer to more frequendy. These include the
work of Baines, Evans & Neysmith (1991), Denzin (1997, 1989), Denzin & Lincoln (2003,1994),
Foucault (1984,1972), Mackelprang & Salsgiver (1999), Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995), Reinharz
(1997, 1992), Sass (1998), Saukko (2003), Transken (2004, 2003, 2000), and van Mannen (1990,
1984).
Hermeneutic Phenomenology
In phenomenological research the emphasis is always on the meaning of lived experience...
"borrow" other people's experiences and their reflections on their experiences in order to better
be able to come to an understanding of the deeper meaning or significance of an aspect of
human experience, in the context of the whole human experience.. .we wish to understand what
being.. .is like for this or that person as an aspect of his or her life and, therefore, by extension,
as an aspect of the possibilities of our being human" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 62). Spiegelberg

18

(1982) also explained that descriptive phenomenology is concerned with meanings (as cited in
Coldwell, 1999, p. 30).
"Phenomenological human science begins in lived experience and eventually turns back to
it" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 35); we are able to collect the data from the participant's stories,
uncover the meanings buried within the words and write the rich descriptions of these lived
experiences. We then bring the analyses back to the respondents to have them confirm or
correct our interpretations. If we are effective in capturing the essence of the described
experiences, evoking emotion and recognition, it is then we become successful in researching the
specific phenomenology we sought to examine.
Saukko (2003) wrote, "slighdy differendy, rhi2omatic understandings of dialogue helps to
flesh out both commonalities and contradictions between different views, paving the way
towards a nuanced research practice and action plan..." (p. 78). She elaborates on this:
The question that these contradictions and challenges raise is whether we can still find some
common ground to determine what constitutes 'good' or 'valid' research. In traditional
methodological parlance, 'validity' is the beginning and end of all research, referring to a
series of litmus tests that determine whether the research is 'true' or 'objectively' describes
how things 'really' are. The current discussions point out that there are multiple realities,
raising the question, whether research is a matter of opinion (p. 15).
van Mannen (1990) writes that "lived experience is to the soul what breath is to the body"
adding that "lived experience is the breathing of meaning" (p. 36). He further elaborates "in the
flow of life, consciousness breathes meaning in a to and fro movement: a constant heaving
between the inner and the outer, made concrete.. .Thus a lived experience has a certain essence,
a 'quality' that we recognize in retrospect" (p. 36).
One could argue then that the written product of hermeneutic phenomenological research is

19

the means by which a researcher captures the essence of the participants' souls. When
performed rigourously and reflexively it serves to effectively breathe life into, capture and share
the richness and meaningfulness of that which is being examined. It is contrary to what much
other research ignores in its fixation with quantification. Phenomenological research is not so
different from the ocean, in its liquidity, an ever- changing, living and breathing entity. It is
unfixed, and immeasurable, yet recollected in memories and pictures, fro2en timeless, if only for
a moment.
van Mannen (1990) refers to Brown (1996) when he argues that similar to poetry,
phenomenology is comfortable with silence as it is comfortable with voice. Specifically, "it wants
to be implicit as it explicates" (p. 131). He further states that we must be sensitive and attentive
in order that we do not fail to hear what is being said from within this silence, that we don't
"miss the forest for the trees", for example. If as researchers, we fail to comprehend what is
being offered from between the lines, then the misfortune is that we fail to capture the essence
of what has been shared. The greater tragedy is that this also lends itself to the further silencing
of many.
Critical Social Science Perspective
I will also utilize aspects of Critical Social Science (CSS) as illustrated in Neuman (2003):
"social science as a critical process of inquiry that goes beyond the surface of illusions to
uncover the real structures in the material world in order to help people change conditions and
build a better world for themselves" (2003, p. 82). "Versions of this approach are called
dialectical materialism, class analysis, and structuralism" (p. 75). "CSS is often associated with
conflict theory, feminist analysis, and radical psychotherapy" (p. 76). "Freire's Pedagodgy of the
Oppressed (1970) also falls within the CSS approach" (p. 76).

20

The critical approach uses praxis to categorize theoretical applications. CSS enables the
researcher to utilize theory within her research and adapt the applications to make the theory
more relevant to the problem: "Praxis means that explanations are valued when they help
people really understand the work and to take action that changes it" (p. 80). One goal of my
research is to empower women within the social work profession. "CSS holds that knowledge is
power" (p. 81). Similarly, a participant in this study wrote, "I would change how people are
educated. Education is power.. .gain strength from other's journeys" (2009, participant
interview, Venus).
Saukko (2003) explains how critical analysis is useful in our research as it "eschews
individualist strategies of challenging self-constitution and stresses that self-transformation needs
always to be understood as part of social and collective change" (p. 87). "The critical science
approach argues that social reality has multiple layers... the critical researcher questions social
situations and places them in a larger, macro-level historical context" (Neuman, 2000, p. 78).
Saukko, 2001 also recognizes and welcomes potential similarities and contradictions, in
discussions of 'rhizomatic' analysis and 'polyvocality' within lived research 8.
The data was analyzed first from a micro-analysis, in relation to the individual respondents.
As the themes emerged it became evident the participants described many similar experiences. I
interpret this to imply that further research is necessary regarding women's experiences of
invisible illness/disability. And it would be beneficial to better understand the specific
challenges women experience negotiating the various systems.
This is a qualitative, exploratory study, of the lived experiences of six women who have an
invisible dis/ability. The ability to generalize findings and to infer cause and effect, to a
population outside the parameters of the study, is limited and is not the goal of this research.
8

Also these might soon be referred to in feminist circles as "polysensualities" as coined by Cathy Denby, Socw603
Class notes (2003).

21

Feminist Perspectives
Neuman, 2000, states that Feminist research is action-oriented and is largely conducted by
women (p. 82). Nielsen (1990) wrote that feminist research is "grounded in older positivistempirical tradition and in newer post-empirical one.. .and represents a fundamental shift away
from traditional social science methodology" (p.l). Coldwell, (1999) refers to Reinharz (1992)
when she writes that "feminist research recognizes that women are worth researching 'as
individuals and as people whose experience is interwoven with other women'" (p. 24). And
Coldwell agrees to Reinharz' (1992) suggestions that feminist research utilize a variety of
research methods to illustrate women's experiences.
Feminist research has been criticized for its failure to acknowledge issues specific to poor,
working class, and visible minority women within the literature, and because much of the
present feminist literature was written by white, middle and upper-class feminist researchers, it
does not yet fully, reflect the layers or 'polyvocality' of women's subjective experiences of
domination, subordination, and oppression. Specifically, as described in Meeksosha (1999),
feminist work has not managed to portray an accurate or fair illustration of the "intersection of
gender and dis/ability" and how this has implications pertaining to the "subordinate" status of
women and the disabled and how we define and understand issues about the body (p. 174). She
also wrote about the absence of women with disabilities in academia and research. Similarly,
Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi (2008) refer to Titchkosky (2005) in their exploration of "those
differences called 'disability' are typically lived and studied only as an individual problem and are
not regarded as an integral part of our educational lives" and that a "feminist disability studies
perspective, enables us to explore "disability as an absent presence within the academy" (p. 61).
They further describe disability as a "complex body space" in "constant dialogue with culture"
(p. 63), and that it is "a space of interpretive interaction to examine the everyday" (p. 65).

22

The tendency of feminist literature to explore phenomena as it relates to gender differences
between women and men fails to provide multi-vocal, subjective accounts of the experiences of
many women, whose voices remain unintentionally, but effectively silenced.
Instead, I hope this research reflects the work of Saukko (2003) in that it becomes a genuine
exploration and analysis of the existing intersections impacting the lives of women who have
worked within the social work profession, from a variety of discourses including dis/ability, selfimage, economic status/class, and gender, and that it does this in a respectful manner.
I employed a "polycentric" (Delaney, Brownlee & Zapf, 1999, Saukko, 2001) feminist
perspective, to help illustrate how oppression is structurally manifested against women from
within the profession of social work. Using a variety of lenses allowed analyses of the multiple
intersections of gender, class, dis/ability, socio-economic status and the gamut of "isms". This
enabled me to illustrate how the existing contradictions between literature and practice realities
are non-conducive to the positive health of women, and to retention of social workers in
northern remote communities.
"Radical feminists find the roots of patriarchy in women's reproductive capacity and the
control men exercise over it" (Baines, Evans, & Neysmith, 1991 p. 20). Marxist feminists
analyze women's inequality from a gendered basis of access to private ownership and means to
production of goods. This analysis does not specify how the dynamics of race, ableism, poverty,
ageism, heterosexism exist and further impact women's options within a patriarchal, classist
system. "Many feminist writers maintain that the wage earner/ breadwinner/ citizen discussed
in mainstream perspectives, whether stated explicitly or implied, is almost always considered to
be male" (p. 210). Brown (1994) describes this:
The feminist technique from the women's liberation movement of consciousness raising was
a methodology for making the personal political by exposing isolated women to one

23

another's experiences and drawing forth the secrets that women had held in the belief,
fostered by patriarchy and often encouraged by mainstream psychotherapy theories, that
they alone were uniquely flawed in some manner. Thus feminism has a powerful
deprivatizing force in calling for the secret experiences of girls and women within homes and
families to be brought to light, exposed as manifestations of a male-dominated society at
work, and used to illumine the lives of men from a new vantage point (p.50).
I will also be using what Swigonski (1994), in reference to Harding (1991, 1987) and
Harstock (1983), describes as "Feminist Standpoint Theory" which is rooted in Marxian analysis
of the conditions of the working class (Swigonski, p. 390; also see Eichler, Larkin, & Neysmith,
2000). Swigonski further explains that "standpoint theory begins with the idea that the less
powerful members of society experience a different reality as a consequence of their oppression"
and they "must be attentive to the dominant class as well as their own in order to survive" (p.
390). Consequendy, "this gives them a double consciousness" (p. 390). Bartky (1990) expands
this to say that "feminist consciousness is a consciousness of victimisation" (p. 15) and thus is
both "consciousness of weakness and consciousness of strength" (p. 16). To acknowledge that
we have been subject to injury then we also realize the existence of power and possibility of
personal growth, which releases suppressed energy. Swigonski further extends her analysis of
feminist standpoint theory to "encompass social work's commitment to the empowerment of all
oppressed groups which is consistent with bell hooks' analysis of the interlocking nature of all
oppressions" (p. 390).
Bartky, (1990) elaborates additionally that "feminist consciousness" is "a litde like paranoia"
(p. 18) when she explained how when we consciously begin to recognize fully (almost as if an
awakening occurs) "the full extent of sex discrimination and the subdety and variety of the ways
in which it is enforced" (p. 18) new feminists begin our journey into cra%y-making. "Its agents are

24

everywhere, even inside her own mind, since she can fall prey to self-doubt or to a temptation to
compliance. In response to this, the feminist becomes vigilant and suspicious" (p. 18).
Similarly, we are unable to uncut ourselves, once the bleeding begins, and it is equally impossible
that we unknow a secret...
A feminist disability studies perspective essentially blends together relative elements of
Marxist, Feminist Standpoint, and Radical theories with elements of disability/body theories
which enables exploration and interpretation of rich data, so as to capture its essence and
profundity. This depthful, critical analysis provided the language in which my findings have
been reported. By illuminating the intersections of the multiple oppressions impacting of a
variety of women who have experienced invisible illness/disability, in and out of social work,
hence began the process of weaving of a quilt, more accurately describing their experiences.
In her book Reclaiming Indigenous Voices and Vision, Marie Battiste (2000) reflects the concepts
put forth by Reinharz regarding the essence of the feminist perspective. First Nations and
feminist perspectives both seek to give voice to those who have been silenced and both
perspectives attempt to do a re-humanizing and consciousness raising effort that ultimately
reflects the work of Paulo Freire (1983; 1974; 1973). Both perspectives acknowledge that
research is an ongoing process and that it is not a conclusive end to a means.
Acknowledging that stories are layers like the generations of our ancestors and sisters before
us, we all are connected and from uncovering the untold stories, the research, we are more able
to add to the unfolding picture that becomes visible. Both perspectives recognize that
scholarship and academic status are not what make for credibility of research, but rather it is the
telling of the story, and from whence the story originates, that in fact validates the research.
Neither feminist nor First Nations perspectives seek to simply answer questions, but rather both

25

seek answers within the process of reclaiming lost voices. Many of those voices were lost in
translation or taken out of context and misconstrued through patriarchy and colonization.
Locating Myself within the Research
"The universe will reward you for taking risks on its b e h a l f (Cameron, 1992 p. 63; also see
Gawain, N.D.; Transken, 2004). Meekosha (1999) writes "reconstructing subjectivity is risky
business—we might be seen as spectacle (p. 166). I accept this challenge and I dare to include
segments of my own journey, from the perspective of a white-skinned, Metis, working-class,
blue-collar, heterosexual, feminist woman who has lived much of her life in varying degrees of
poverty, within this research. I am/was a social worker. And I have been living with a variety of
dis/ability and violence/trauma/abuse induced challenges my entire life. My experiences with
the progression of ever-emerging challenges is what brings me to this place...
Atwood (2002) refers to Transken (2000) illustrating how we sometimes write from within
our shadows: "Possibly then, writing has to do with darkness, and a desire or perhaps a
compulsion to enter it, and, with luck, to illuminate it, and to bring something back out to the
light" (Atwood, p. xxiv). A substantial portion of this paper has been written from the shadows
of my own psyche. This was unintentional at first, but as the research emerged, and learning
happened, it became imperative to acknowledge and honour our shadow selves as it is often due
largely to this darker consciousness that we find strength to persevere and endure. For without a
sense of humor and the ferocity of a lioness, we might not have otherwise survived, that we
expose our bleeding flesh to you:
... I also asked them what they thought of the discourses that define and treat the conditions
and them. The intention with this approach was to invite the women to reflect on their
experience, and thereby occupy the role of the 'knower' and not only that of 'the known'
(Saukko, 2003, p. 91).

26

"Processual Methodology"
Maynard (1994) describes "one of the hallmarks of feminism is the legitimacy of women's
own understanding of their experiences" (p. 17; also see Davidson, 2001). In a feminist study of
agoraphobic women Davidson (2001) utilizes "processual methodology" and ethnographic
concepts including the organic intellectual, to empower the participants by interviewing and
analyzing the data using the same language as it was expressed by the women, thereby qualifying
each as expert'in her study. Davidson's study reflects what Maynard (1994) describes in that
when participants feel that their participation is a valid contribution to social change, the
interview process can have therapeutic benefits (Davidson, p. 165).
The concept of 'processual methodology' is beneficial to women's studies because as we
witness each other's stories, sharing intimate and personal details (often of a painful nature), the
dynamics inevitably change and we ultimately engage in the journey together, not one-over-anddominant over the Other, but as one-to-one, as partners, as equals. The shared experience can be
validating when the distance between researcher and interviewee is minimized in this way. And
essentially, when as researchers we reciprocate in this process, there is opportunity for an A-ha
moment(s), in which we identify with aspects of the dialogue. Thus, as we gain a deeper
understanding of the lived experiences, and this can be equivalent to momentary 'token'
membership, as in this moment we are accepted by the group. 'Processual methodology'
provides the opportunity for reciprocal sharing, thereby allowing us to actively contribute to the
process, and validates our position of equality rather than dominance, lending itself to "mutual
understanding" (Davidson, 2001, p. 168) of the shared meanings.
Davidson writes that "humour often entails a form of dramatic irony", and that it often
eludes to a secret "knowledge about something or someone" (p. 169). More importantly, she
describes that when someone has "not lived through" or "had the experiences recounted to

27

them, they will inevitably fail to find them funny, indeed they may not even recognize them as a
joke at all" (2001, p. 169). She also describes that "jokes can act as a perfect indicator of
belonging to, or being excluded from, shared community of meaning" (p. 169). "For the
'outsider', it can come as surprise that subjects frequendy discuss difficult issues with a
remarkably light touch" (p. 173).
In my own experience with invisible dis/ability, humor is a useful coping mechanism, as is
the use of metaphor. Humor and metaphor were also littered throughout the interview
transcripts. But typically, as indicated by the participants in this study as well as in my numerous
off-the-record conversations with women in a variety of settings, neither humor nor metaphor is
typically appreciated, acknowledged, or comprehended contextually, by medical or agency
professionals. Perhaps what I found so compelling about Davidson's article was its particular
relevance to this study. The genuine reciprocated sharing in a language mutually understood
(and verified) in the interviews between myself and the participants seems to imply that there
was 'shared community of meaning' as presented in this article. There were no 'inside jokes' (to
which I felt excluded).
In her study, Davidson (2001) discusses the use of purposeful reflexive humor as a means by
which to conduct interviews, while simultaneously reducing the traditional "objective distance'
or power imbalance between researcher and participants" (p. 166). She added that in order to
successfully achieve this desired power balance, a "comfortable relationship" must occur at some
point, "between the researcher and interviewee" (p. 166). She concludes that this "processual
methodology" is required in circumstances where "managing the research process is often as
much a matter of coping with as directing change" and she found that this was especially useful
when the participants had strong group cohesion, with shared interests and experiences, such as
"those suffering from specific disabilities (p. 164), as was the situation in my study.

28

My research is an exploration of the experiences of women who have found themselves
caught somewhere between able and disabled. For me, participating in the triumphs and
tragedies encouraged me in my own journey, and unexpectedly, I was inspiring to the
participants: "Silence is the condition of one who has been dominated, made an object; talk is
the mark of freeing, of making one subject" (hooks, 1989, p. 129). And as Davidson (2001)
points out, "humour is then used to linguistically manage what sufferers themselves perceive to
be an 'abnormal' state of affairs" (p. 173) despite potential offensiveness to Others.

29

E X P L O R I N G T H E LITERATURE: PART I
C A U T I O N : Social Work Is Hazardous T o Your Health!
An Historical Overview of the Profession of Social Work
"Social work evolved from women who wanted to give more power to the disadvantaged,
the poor and the rejected" (Rondeau, 2002, p. 217). Individuals and groups of women wanted
to make differences in the lives of those less fortunate. "Jane Adams and the first University
Settlement in Chicago attempted to do this" (p. 217). Transken, (2003) asked, "how did we
begin with the goal of empowering women and arrive at this outcome of violating women" (p.
87)?
An interesting discussion of altruism written by Benzon (2003) illustrates that "what we
observe in animals as well as humans, is that individuals often do things that benefit the group
but that cost them individually" (p. 36). Essentially, by becoming visible targets to predators,
"these individuals are more likely to be killed than others in the group" (p. 36). Benzon offers
further that "groups containing altruistic individuals are more likely to survive than groups
without them", and he proposes that "this might explain how altruism can be inherited from one
generation to another" (p. 37). In addition to what Benzon suggests, I argue also that social
work is especially ripe with altruistic energy to its core, in that by nature and/or nurture, altruism
and self-sacrifice accurately describe the character of many women working within the
profession.

This will be discussed throughout this thesis.

Within the profession of social work there is a great deal of diversity. This diversity is like a
maze 9. This maze is constructed of strips or sections that when joined together, become whole.
For example, there are strips of social work that may be associated with the Christian 10 Charity
movement, such as the Salvation Army, community missions, and church based outreach

9

Transken, S. (2003). Correspondence.
This type of social work would reflect the early social work of Francis Perkins (Sass, 1998, p. 23).

10

30

programs. And there are strips that might be associated with the Settlement House
Movements 11 , such as anti-poverty agencies, and homeless shelters. Gustofson (2000) and
Transken (2003) identify that strips perhaps belonging to the Feminist activist movement 12
would include sexual assault treatment centres (SATs) and (SACCs) sexual assault crisis centres
(p. 127). There are also strips of the social work profession that may be associated with social
control and social containment. Examples of these would include child protection, probation,
parole, and corrections agencies. And the Canadian Census (1996) and (CASW, p. 7) indicated
that 9 3 % of those in the social worker occupational category are employed either in the health
and social services (74%) or government industries (19%). Relatively few social workers are
employed in private practice offices, but the number almost doubled between 1991 and 1996.
Historically social work has had the tendency to abandon its sisters who were too far to the
more radical, risque side of arguments. These women are essentially shunned or silenced by
their organizational professional bodies and not celebrated for their attempts to fight for the
rights of working class women. Women, such as Emma Goldman (1983) advocate for the
process of unionization of women's rights, safe sex, and birth control issues (Transken, 2003)
but they are not embraced by the social work profession, their sisters, despite their countless
hours of labour, lobbying for the rights and privileges that we take for granted today. Rather,
they are jailed, and abandoned by their social work sisters for being too radical, un-professional
and perhaps unladylike. They were excluded from celebrating in the accolades given to other
women, more suitable to the profession of social work.
This phenomena of martyrdom illustrates what Benzon (2003) referred to as "altruism", in
that some sacrifice self for the benefit of many. It continues today within the social work
profession with the "policing" of girls and women which Baines, Evans, & Neysmith (1991)
11
12

This is reflective of the work of Jane Addams.
This is reflective of the work of social-Marxists, Florence Kelly and Emma Goldman.

31

described as "socialized encouragement" and "techniques of regulation" including "subde,
helpful pressuring and monitoring of behaviors and attitudes that are built into daily norms and
interactions.. .Girls ate.policed to learn their lessons of caring and pay the attendant costs" (p. 123).
Frankly, litde has changed in that social work continues to abandon its sisters who are too
radical or too feminist. Those of us who advocate too loudly and too passionately are labeled
with phrases such as "menopausal", "pms" and "cranky", "bitch", "man-haters" and frequendy
we are viewed in a dehumanizing manner which equates us to our body parts and functions, or
lack thereof.
Social work leaves an ugly taste in the mouths of many social workers, who instead prefer to
associate with schools of sociology or gender, women's, and equity studies. The unflattering
media portrayal of social workers, whether in newspaper articles or cinematic portrayals, is
reflective of this. Sadly, these images are not always far from the truth. But more unfortunate is
the fact that there are many good social workers practicing in relative isolation, with little
support, encouragement or nurturing from employing agencies or colleagues. Sometimes there
is no-one else working alongside them. And sometimes these social workers are too far
removed from the agencies' administrative mandates and they are consequendy viewed as
deviant:
i am a hairy fuchsia elephant possibly from a future galaxy my rage is glorious, magnificent,
glimmering but scraggly grey chickens peck, peck, scatter, peck peck at my huge boots &
their noise irritates me. the edges of this town are visible only from my eye level & position.
I see no other fuchsia elephants; I never forget i could crush these chickens or kick them but
that is outside of my nature & futile because there is an infinite supply of them anyway, every
which way chickens populate & dominate this sullen terrain & I ask - which way to where
the herds of snimmering fuchsia elephants graze? remember: elephants have excellent

32

memories, are led by the oldest female, are loyal only to their own, live a long time & may be
on the verge of extinction, sadly some fuchsia elephants survive only by submitting to the
depleting demands of the circus circuit, fuchsia elephants certainly cannot blend into the
chicken crowd (Transken, 2008, p. 222).
Referring to Mullaly (2002) Transken (2004) described how it is that despite social work's
outspoken commitment to social change and social justice, "its members are still susceptible to
oppressive practices and to reproducing dominant-subordinate relations — not only with the
people they serve, but also with each other along lines of gender and race (and other social
divisions)" (p. 22).
Production Equals Destruction of the M a s s e s . . .
Contrary to the "Marxist assumption that people need to work cooperatively" in order to get
what they need "to survive", capitalism is structured in such a way that instead forces workers
into an alienated state of "outright competition, and sometimes conflict, with each other" as a
means by which "to extract maximum productivity and to prevent the development of
cooperative relationships" (Ritzer, 2000). In this way, capitalism structurally implements isolated
working environments which results in hostility directed among and between workers and their
peers, deflecting hostility that would more appropriately be aimed at organizations (Wright,
1992, p. 56).
Further to this, Obholzer, & Roberts (1994) extend their analysis of organizations and
suggest that the interpersonal structures within many agencies have adapted a somewhat familial
dynamic, and that employee conflicts are sometimes seen are "more akin to sibling rivalry
between brothers or sisters competing for resources and power", resulting in "interpersonal
difficulties between agency members" (p. 126). Adams and Crawford (1992) and Obholzer &
Roberts (1994) similarly point out a marked increase of what appears to be scapegoating in

33

agencies wherein specific individuals are targeted, and subjected to bullying and other abusive
conditions, resulting in those employees leaving the workplace. Social workers continue to
advocate for their clients and strive to provide client-directed services by stretching and bending
policies in order to do so. They often work long hours over and above the requirements of their
positions. They do so because of a desire to make a difference:
Would you lie for your clients? Would you take risks that could leave you unemployed and
stigmatized among your professionally accredited peers? Would you look the other way when it
meant courage was required? How fare "would you go? How far would you want someone to go
if it
was your rent money; your child; your loved one; your future; your dignity; yout health; your
coreself.. .(Transken, 2002, p. 80)?
But do to the reality of inadequate funding and competitive work environments, many
women working in social work are unkind or marginalizing to each other. Thus, in a profession
where 80 per cent of the workers are female, (Gibelman, 1998[1995]) there often is little
compassion amongst colleagues. Instead, these women work in a profession where the
underlying principles are both innately assumed and legislated to be nurturing, caring, concerned
for humanity and empowerment, have succumbed to the capitalist creation of battles for
funding, and permanent positions, within agencies that offer nothing of the core concepts that
likely brought these women to this profession in the first place.
Communities of Women and Social Work
To help explain some of the underlying influential dynamics within the spheres of women
and social work, I have borrowed literature from social geography, a branch of human
geography that is interested in an historical analysis of social processes, including the role of
gender, in the development of community, and the way social resources and phenomena are

34

distributed (Halseth & Sullivan, 2002). Incorporation of a social geographical framework
provided some thoughtful insight and allowed me to realize a variety of contributing factors that
might otherwise be less visible from the analysis, including geography as it relates to community,
and the relevance of social capital and social cohesion in gender studies.
Halseth (2000) summarizes the concept of social capitalas "the outcome of individuals
working together in groups" (see also Sullivan, 2002; Hofferth and Iceland, 1998; Wall et al.,
1998). Halseth (2000) defines Social cohesion as "the process of the interaction of individuals
working in groups" (p. 101). Sullivan (2002) describes two main types of social cohesion as
"bridging, which refers to linkages made between groups" and "bonding which refers to
relationships within groups (p. 90). Referring to Flora and Flora (1996), Putnam (2000), and Le
Blanc (2001), Sullivan describes the benefits of social cohesion within communities to include
favorable social outcomes, strong economic performance, and less crime (p. 90). Referring to
Portes (1998; 1999), Halseth (2000) describes that the downside to strong group cohesion is that
it can lead to the exclusion of newcomers or those with conflicting ideas or goals, and associated
with the potential for exclusion, is the demand for group conformity.
Halseth & Sullivan (2002) discuss place-based and interest-based communities. Collectively,
women share many of the qualities that define both types of community and I have expanded
the concept of community to make the argument that women are then effectively both a placebased and an interest-based community. This argument intensifies when the community of women
shares a profound common concern such as invisible illness/dis/ability: "Communities of
interest are bound together by an identification with a common issue.. .they are held together by
sets of relationships and personal ties... cohesive bonds may form which are not linked to direct
face-to-face interaction" (Halseth & Sullivan, 2002, p. 8). Halseth & Sullivan (2002) explain that
"place based communities can become even more important in rural and small town British

35

Columbia, where large distances separate settlements" and that bonds between residents in small
towns are reinforced when they share common interests such as employment (Halseth, 1998, p.
7)I argue that the profession of social work is an interest-based community, in that the
functions of community "support both individuals and groups". Halseth & Sullivan (2002)
illustrated that "it is through community that individuals organize their daily lives and make
sense of the issues and concerns they encounter...under pressure people may energize their
community bonds and membership to meet challenges" (p. 7).
Within the communities of social work and women, exists a variety of similar and conflicting
personalities, ideologies, philosophies, agendas, and experiences. Further to this, within the
profession of social work, the power dynamics, including "policing" and "guilting" that are
employed to enforce cohesion frequently result in the negative consequence of reducing social
capital, (the relationships between the w o m e n / workers) and as Halseth (2000) describes, "social
capital is something which must be maintained and nurtured in order to be effective".
Additionally, if women are socialized, individually and collectively, "to seek and value social
connection, sociality and moral ideals of care and nurturance" and are therefore "bound by a
sense of community" described further as a type of un-chosen, relational attachment discovered
through a sort of subjective positioning, as described by Friedman (1989), then the negative
attributes of the capitalist system, which works to divide and conquer in order to increase
production, would instead be reduced due to a breakdown in community spirit (1989, p. 105).
And if women, by definition, are a community, and collectively they work within the parameters
of the community of social work, then as per the dynamics of social capital and cohesion, failure
to conform to a prescribed agenda, may likely result in exclusion and/or reprimand, which is
noted as a negative outcome of social cohesion. (This is exactly what happens to many women

36

within the profession according to their descriptions). By dehumanizing and negating the innate
social, physical, economic, and spiritual needs of the community itself, in this case the
community of women, (more specifically, dis/abled women) and the community of social work,
a reduction in production, contrary to the desired capitalist outcome, is produced.
Ultimately, this also results in a further reduction of social cohesion, if we regard social
worker burn out and illness, and overall poor working conditions as described by many women.
Referring to Schulgasser (1999) & Astone et al (1999), Halseth (2000) explains that social capital
is different from other types of capital because "it will degrade with lack of use and it is not so
readily transferable" (Halseth, 2000). This negative cycle of social capital and cohesion then, is
counter productive to social worker retention as well as it is not conducive to women's health.
Neither does this practice/ process of human engagement measure up to capitalism stated goals
of 'production'. Frankly, this lose-lose system is a prescription for failure.
Structural Domination
Patriarchal structures that govern our organizations ensure that women remain in
subordinate, dependent positions within those agencies. The legal system contributes to the
oppression of women by keeping them both dependent upon a partner for financial support as
well as its policies effectively keep women poor outside the confines of the institution of
marriage, forcing many women to remain in abusive partnerships for fear of financial
destitution. Funding cuts to programs accessed and operated by women make it so that
competition becomes ferocious between agencies competing for the monies to operate their
programs. This further exemplifies the divide and conquer strategies cuntrolling women's behavior.
Overall patterns are in place (on an individual level and on the larger organizational level) that
we compete for the scraps that are offered to us because we legitimately fear that there is
nothing else! It is my opinion that the oppressive, patriarchal, and classist structures that are in

37

place to insure the dominance of the male-centered gaze in the profession of social work are the
very structures that work against women in our struggles with invisible dis/ability.
I argue also that many women are led to careers in social work because of life histories
involving trauma, neglect and abuse. I suggest that these women either experienced these
injustices first hand, or they were directly involved in assisting loved ones through such ordeals.
I am not suggesting that to become a social worker, a woman must have endured lifelong
neglect or abuse, but that the likelihood that she became a social worker increased if she had
direct personal experience with these issues. It is my opinion that her exposure to trauma likely
contributed to and shaped her decision to become a social worker. It is unfortunate then, that in
women's genuine attempts to assist those who are disabled and struggling, that women continue
to be subjected to trauma, neglect and abuse from within the very profession that they turned to
both for assistance and sustenance.
The very nature of what influences many women to become social workers is exactly the
same structural beast that dismissed or diminished them in the first place. Rather than make the
lives of other 'women less uncomfortable, they are re-victimized, systemically discouraged and
abandoned by their peers, and left to fend for themselves within the system that offers litde
compassion or compensation. It seems that the old saying, "if you can't beat them, join them,"
is appropriate. It is no wonder many of our sisters make decisions to work for their paycheques, ask few questions, make no waves, and look forward to benefits and retirement
pensions, all the while praying not to become "the one the wolves pull down" ".
Yet despite the reality for many social workers, "the primary mission of the social work
profession is to enhance human well-being and help meet basic human needs of vulnerable,
oppressed, and poor people" (NASW, 1994, as cited in Hepworth, Rooney, & Larsen, 1997, p.

13

(Garth Brooks, No fences, 1990, "Wolves").

38

4). The theme for National Social Work Week, 2003 14, was "Social Work for Social Justice."
CASW issued a statement on non-violence in February, 2003 u, proposing that social workers
strive for "continued commitment to social justice, peace, and non violence" (2003, CASW).
This contradiction is almost unfathomable.
Consider this; Hill (1996) argues that "class also has been muddied by the assumptions that
we make about it: that people are the class that they deserve to be., that class is correlated with
how hard one works or how smart one is, that class is primarily a matter of income or owned
assets rather than of access" (p. 2). Similarly, Coll, Cook-Nobles, & Surrey (1997) define
"permanent inequality" as "unequal due to characteristics that are ascribed at birth such as race,
gender, class, nationality, or religion" (pl85) 16 . One might argue that the potential to escape this
prescribed sub-standard existence is futile for all but a few fortunate women. The unfortunate
rest of us rather, if we take to heart what Hill & Rothblum (1996) describes, are fatefully
doomed to the hum-drum of the working-class, drowning in destitution, disadvantage,
depressed, undereducated lives threaded with of a multitude of abusive circumstance.
Social workers, most of whom are women, are included in the realm of the disadvantaged
and oppressed, and many of us have been struggling with situations of oppression and
marginalization. We have also been socialized to gravitate to positions of employment where we
are expected to provide the caring for others, but we have not yet successfully managed to find
adequate caring for ourselves. During our careers, many of us have struggled with issues of
illness/ dis/ability of an invisible nature, and we are subjected to further marginalization,
oppression, and emotional and epistemological violence within this profession that claims to
respect human dignity and self worth. But when we complain, we find ourselves fighting losing
14

I began my MSW journey at UNBC in 2003.
See Succulent Supplement /Appendices Section at end of thesis.
16
I was unable to locate the book/article for this reference at UNBC library. It was cited from Nobiss, J. (2003).
Classism and feminst therapy: Counting costs. Book Review: Social work 613
15

39

battles within our employing agencies and within the medical system as we attempt to find
answers to our often elusive and intensifying medical symptoms. "I think after awhile the stigma
gets inside and I know I am always fighting with my head feeling broken, feeling I am not a
valued resource because I have this thing wrong with me that you can't see, that the more I have
to try to convince you I have the sicker I sound" (2009, participant interview, Danu).
Frequendy, rather than receive compassionate professional and medical care, we are instead
labeled as troublemakers, whiners, and hypochondriacs. Radomsky (1995) writes about the issue
of violence as a health issue, in regard to women's powerless positions within the family and
social systems (p. 133) and their experiences with various abuse and illnesses, including chronic
pain. She argues that women remain unheard despite their stories of abuse and neglect by
parents, husbands and partners, and she criticizes the "male-dominated" medical profession for
its failure to address women's complaints from something other than a medical model based,
gender attack. Radomsky is a physician and she herself was forced to "think like a man, not like
a woman" (p. 54), and she was taught to devalue subjective personal knowledge favoring instead
the rational and objectivity of science.
Brown (1994) explains that exposing isolated women to each others secret experiences
through feminist research has the empowering ability to deconstruct the psychotherapeutic
theories which convinced women that they were alone in their flawed existence, and that in
bringing forth this truth, we manage to better understand women's collective experiences and we
contribute to the reduction of women's oppression. What Brown describes supports Bartky's
(1990, p. 80) analysis of Foucault's notion of self-"surveillance" and how women contribute to
normalizing the collective "feeling of body deficiency" (pp. 80-81), as it illustrates how external
processes (not just an internalized, biological, flawed character) effectively contribute to the
marginalization and oppression of women. These analyses are largely reflective of Paulo

40

Freiere's (1970) pedagogies which are referenced here by Delaney Brownlee & Zapf (1999): "It
is critical that any effort to liberate and empower oppressed people begin with helping the
oppressed to see that their dehumanization is not their history or their destiny, rather it is 'the
result of an unjust order that engenders violence in the oppressors, which in turn dehumanizes the oppressed" (p.
12J.
The current health care cutbacks (often labeled as 'reforms') regarding policies and changes
in mandates have taken what little ability we have as social workers to pragmatically assist our
clients—we are left with few resources with which to help clients in regard to their issues. The
quality of care is being reduced, and the "clients are caught in the middle of multiple power
struggles between the funders and administrators" (Brown, p. 134). This creates a cycle in which
we struggle as caregivers to offset program cuts, and our own health becomes negatively
impacted rendering us unable to provide care. This ultimately places more burden on an already
depleted system. Unfortunately, despite the increasing need for health/ social programs and
services, the care budgets in British Columbia continue to be cut in these areas and the areas
affected most tend to be rural and northern remote communities where services are already
skeletal. Due to the increasing obstacles to give and receive services (including program
availability and access), many of the people requiring these services are unable to afford them
and many social workers are left feeling inadequate.
The social work profession professes to be concerned with linking private, individual
troubles to public, social issues such as violence, poverty, and trauma, which are at the forefront
of both the social work profession and social research. Human rights and social justice are the
philosophical underpinnings of social work practice. The "primary professional obligation" of
social work is that social workers practice within a framework that "regards the well-being" of
the persons served (BCASW, 1999, p. 4). However, little has been done to examine and address

41

women's experiences of violence from the perspective of relevance and prevalence within the
social work profession itself.
The Overall Oppressive Nature of Female Socialization
Bartky (1999) writes that not only are women and men "situated differently within the
ensemble of social relations" (p. 83) but women are "actively subordinated to them" and
"feminist philosophers have argued that women's ways of knowing are different than men's" (p.
84). Bartky presents these points as a "contribution to the phenomenology of oppression" (p.
84). It is my opinion that patriarchal socialization processes discourage women from seeking
"non-caring" and typically non-traditional professions or vocations. Wharf, (1993) defines
family patriarchy as the power and authority over women that is exercised by the male in the
home. He defines social patriarchy as the laws and regulations of the state that support male
control over women. Benoit (2000) similarly illustrates patriarchy such that "underpinning this
system was a sex bias—the assumption that women could always depend upon economic
support, in part or in full, from a male relative, either a father or a husband" (p. 59).
Throughout their socialization, women seem to develop aversions to mathematics and
sciences which channels them into the more traditionally female, caring professions, such as
social work 1?. Women are still somewhat invisibly groomed to be caregivers and to sacrifice
selfishness for the good of others. Wagner, (2008) discusses how "education plays a more subtle
and unrecognized role in reinforcing dominant ideologies, some of which can do harm to
persons oppressed by other aspects of their lives" (in Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi, 2008, p. 91).
This exploration of the experiences of women who have become invisibly disabled at some
point throughout her career, has similar implications for social work as does a study of academia

17

"Women make up the majority of full-time students in most university departments. They remain concentrated in
the humanities and social sciences, fields with weaker labour market outcomes but are making inroads into
traditionally male-dominated fields" (Status of Women Canada N.D.).

42

by Herman (1992), & Brown (1995): "acknowledging that interpersonal violence is a fact of life
for many women this research was designed to explore how women's experiences of trauma may
affect their pursuit of university education" (Wagner, 2008, as cited in Wagner, Acker, &
Mayuzumi, 2008, p. 91). It is my opinion that not only does the socialization of women facilitate
gender violence, but the same oppressive, and patriarchal structures from which our socialization
processes are developed, discourages women from seeking "non-caring" and typically nontraditional professions or vocations. Baines, Evans, & Neysmith (1991) refer to (MesserSchmidt, 1987; Smart, 1985) when they describe how the "breeding grounds for medical
professionals to treat female problems as largely psychosomatic rather than as legitimate health
issues" is largely due to the lessons of caring, in which girls are socialized to focus on the niceness
of outward "appearances and behaviours", where "girls too often find their bodies and spirits
pay the price" (Baines, Evans, & Neysmith, p. 121). This is also evident in the following
participant quote:
Since I was a little girl I had always taken care of people, it was my job, my life, my purpose; I
didn't know any different. I made others happy, not worried, sad or uncomfortable. That
wasn't what litde girls were meant to d o . . . I did care what others thought and that wasn't okay"
(2009, Kali participant interview).
A study of social work research by Grip ton, Nutter, Irving, & Murphy (1995) included an
examination of the research interests and activities of faculty members of Canadian social work
schools. The four clusters studied were male doctorates, female doctorates, male non-doctorates
and female non-doctorates. The interpretation of the findings is that of the women doctorate
cluster, research productivity was found to be less than that of male doctorates. Female
doctorates had authored and edited fewer books and had published fewer book chapters and
refereed articles than male doctorates. The female doctorates also reported less confidence in

43

their research capabilities than male doctorates and they were less likely to teach research courses
than male doctorates. They also served less frequently on university level research ethics or
grant application review committees, despite reporting that they spent as much time
collaborating with colleagues in other disciplines, as well as more time developing
interdisciplinary research proposals.
The findings of the cluster of female non-doctorates found that scholarly productivity was
the lowest of all four clusters. This group was least likely to read non-social work journals.
Female non-doctorates' attitudes towards research in social work and their own research
capabilities included "fear, indifference, cynicism and antagonism" (p. 392). Female nondoctorates "appeared to have become a marginalized and alienated group among social work
academics... they taught a disproportionate share of practice courses and were largely
responsible for organizing and administering the field practice component of the curriculum" (p.
392).
This study by Gripton, Nutter, Irving, & Murphy is especially relevant to my own research in
that their conclusions specify that "in professional interests and values, they more closely
represent the typical social worker in practice" (p. 392). Bartky (1999) refers to Bourdieu (2001)
arguing that this situation reflects the masculine order of academia, in which certain realities are
affirmed at the expense of others, thereby perpetuating "masculine domination" (Bartky, p. 88).
As supported by the literature, it appears that the socialization of women in regard to both
caring and academic attitudes may shape their career paths 18 and outcomes of the relationships
within. It seems possible then, that if oppressive socialization processes become internalized,
the potential for women to re-experience marginalization and epistemic violence within their

18
"A 1997 report by the Canadian Institute of Child Health entided 'The Canadian Girl-Child: Determinants of the
Health and Well-being of Girls and Young Women' has stressed that 'gender identity determines how boys and girls
experience their environment and the life paths they choose'" (Status of Women Canada, N.D.).

44

careers as social workers seems likely, due to the very nature of oppression. Benoit (2000) refers
Statistics Canada (1995):
.. .across all major occupational categories in Canada, even today, women continue to earn less
than men. This inequity applies no matter the level of education attained... female university
graduates employed full-time earned 75 percent of what their male counterparts did (Benoit, p.
74).
Godenzi & DePuy (2001) discuss Ecological theories that regard the concept of nonviolence as a secondary effect of healthy environments. They suggest that non-violence reduces
high risk factors of isolation, marginalization, and stress within people's lives. They connect
violence prevention to improvements on the macro-social level, including the struggle against
poverty and inequality (p. 463). Although this was not a study of social work profession, it has
implications for social work and it supports the argument of this paper. And when we examine
Moreau's structural analysis of oppression (Carniol, 1992) we learn that the primary structures
including racism, sexism, classism, ableism, and patriarchy, are the foundation for and uphold
the secondary structures of oppression, such as government, education, families, communities,
and human service organizations, thereby perpetuating and reinforcing the ideologies held by
those in power. This results in the continued marginalization and oppression of many,
ultimately creating sub-classes of citizenship, enslaved by fear.
Beth (1999) conducted a research study to examine a possible link between history of abuse
and fear of negative evaluation, and negative self-statements regarding male to female
interactions. The findings suggest the possibility of risk regarding the social interactions
between men and women, if the women had experienced sexual abuse. The differences on the
Child Abuse and Trauma (CAT) scale between men and women were significant and implied
that girls suffered a higher level of negative home environment neglect than boys. This has

45

relevance to my paper, in that although women hold approximately 74 percent of the positions
in social work, men (who are less represented in the profession in general) hold most of the
positions in upper and middle management. In 1994, 70 per cent of all corporate managers were
male 19(Benoit, 2000, p. 72). If women who have experienced trauma and victimization are
fearful and passive in relationships with male counterparts, this is conducive to further
marginalization and oppression within their working relationships due to organizational and
systemic structures.
Women are doubly impacted by structural changes as service recipients and service
providers. Lavingne, Burke, Lemonde, (2001) argues ".. .current home care policies and
practices have a negative financial impact on women who make up the majority of home care
users, paid workers and unpaid caregivers (p. 55). A feminist analysis of these issues addresses
women's lack of access to power within the structures of social work. If we fail to address this,
we risk further oppressing and marginalizing women's experiences as they relate to genderviolence.
As well as exploring how the oppressive and marginalizing factors impact women in and out
of the social work profession, I am curious about potential relationships in relation to women's
decisions to become social workers, in the first place. "Gender socialization shapes and limits
the lives of girls, especially their education and career choices" (Status of Women in Canada,
N.D.). In other words, I am curious to know if female socialization, as it is connected to the
marginalization and oppression of women, particularly in the area of science and mathematics,
might contribute to the possible aversions to math and science-based, "non-helping"
professions, and if the socialization process then might impact the future decisions of women to
become social workers.

This reference is not specific to Social Work.

46

Heifer & Kempe (1988), suggest that when a child is raised in an abusive home, the tendency
for that child to remain in situations conducive to violence increases. Many women somehow
rationalize the violence in that they have internalized the belief that violence is acceptable,
perhaps due to generations of dysfunction (Busby, 1996). Gondolf (1988) reiterates Busby's
arguments writing ".. .evidence suggests that a substantial portion of the battered women
experienced abuse as a child, rather than the kinds of social encouragement that were found in
the childhood of the resilient individuals" (p. 24).
I am not suggesting that females simply become social workers due to histories of
marginalization, but that due to a variety of factors (including altruistic nature/nurture), women
who have experienced oppression may be more inclined to become social workers in order to
help make a difference in the lives of other women who may be experiencing similar situations.
It is also plausible that these women are caught within a cycle of trauma and violence. For
instance, the following quotation reinforces Busby's (1996) arguments that many adults are
suffering from unresolved trauma of abusive childhood themselves: "Trauma is like a big cloak
that covers you and sets you apart and you go through the world under this cloak. So there is
this really deep sense sometimes—that I'm not like other people. And other people can go into
things with relative ease, but I can't" (Julia, graduate student as cited in Wagner, 2008).
And Baines, Evans, & Neysmith, (1991) write that "a girl learns quickly that to be different
or bad is not to be more like a boy, with the attendant privileges, or to be regarded as a more
rounded person, an individual, or maybe a new breed of girl" (p. 127). They also refer to
Heidensohn (1987) and Schur (1984) describing "the double jeopardy and double failure deviant
girls face.. .in brief the very high costs of deviation police girls to continue paying the high costs
for the way they care for others and themselves" (Baines, Evans, & Neysmith, p. 127).

47

W o m e n and Caring
Historically, in both native and non-native societies, women have been responsible for the
work within their homes (domestic labour including child rearing) and men have been
responsible for the (paid labour) work outside their homes (Doyle & Pauludi, 1985). As
(industrialization) urbanization occurred, it became necessary for both men and women to work
outside their homes in order to provide materially for their families

. This changed the roles of

women in that their portion of the labour increased, but the value of their labour input did not
increase accordingly. Gordon, Benner, & Noddings (1996) refer to Marx (1992) in their
observation that "ignoring the most important fact of human society—that we are constituted
by other human beings.. .the duty to care is imposed on the individual with no social support"
(Gordon, Benner, & Noddings, p. 49).
The socialization of women and men ultimately sets the stage for the types of employment
and professional endeavors they will seek. Baines, Evans & Neysmith (1991) imply that women
tend to flock towards the social work profession because they are socialized into caring roles
(p.53) and they argue that for some women these career opportunities become options to
marriage (p. 53). Coldwell (1998) building on the writing of Freedberg (1993) states "long seen
as a natural attribute of women, caring is associated with social work as a profession as well as
with society's conception of the mothering, nurturing role. There are two kinds of caring:
nurturing and social caring" (Coldwell, p. 22). and Baines, Evans & Neysmith (1991) write:
we need to have an understanding of why the messages of caring are directed to first-hand
experiences of trauma, neglect, abuse, and/ or poverty prior to careers in social work women
involves an appreciation of the inextricable linkages between socialization, patriarchy, and the

20

"Total working time is similar for women and men. However, there is a distinct division of labour between the
sexes. On average, women spend more of their time on unpaid work, especially when there are children, while men
spend the majority of their time on paid work" (Status of Women Canada, N.D.).

48

relations of family and labour in advanced industrialized societies (p. 17).
Gripton, Nutter, Irving, & Murphy (1995) discuss a study of students at a rural, southern
university in Georgia, where it was found that college—aged women are much more likely than
men to report trauma relating to experiences with interpersonal violence. The authors wrote
that traumatic events can have long-lasting effects including somatic complaints and loss of
memory, and recall. The suggestions provided in this study included that appropriate workplace
accommodations for victims suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) be
implemented under the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.
Although this study was American, it has implications for my paper in that it recognizes that
women more frequently than men tend to suffer from the effects of trauma, and as well it
acknowledges that the symptoms of PTSD should be viewed under disability mandates.
Undoubtedly, to recognize these PTSD 'injuries' would mean altering the whole world of
patriarchy and capitalism. To recognize that there are a number of women who have some kind
of PTSD before they enter the social work profession and to recognize that the social work
profession may add another layer of PTSD — and that this is a compensatory injury — would
alter the entire work world as we know it.
The Economics of Caring
A common occurrence has been the 'guilting' of women by other women and within
organizations providing social services. In my own work experience as a social worker I found
this to be true. Many of my peers (during presentations of this research I have been doing) have
given anecdotal support to this pattern. This 'guilting' has had a negative impact and further
oppresses women who provide such services (Baines, Evans, & Neysmith, 1991). Obholzer &
Roberts (1994) discuss how frequent organizational changes create stress and confusion for the
workers who must adapt their practices to reflect the changes. They propose that hierarchal,

49

top-down organizations are being replaced by sub-systems of organizations with fewer levels of
hierarchy. They suggest that we are shifting from "patriarchal and matriarchal structures"
towards a familial model and that many of these organizational conflicts are more similar in
nature to sibling rivalry between brothers or sisters competing for resources and power. They
also refer to Adams and Crawford (1992) noting that there is a notable increase in 'bullying' in
organizations and other forms of scapegoating of certain individuals within organizations who
are then subjected to intolerable pressures and are often driven out in one way or another
(Obholzer & Roberts, p. 126).
The struggles that women are having within the profession are complex. The competition
between organizations is about the scraps of funding available for the women who provide the
services forcing workers into competition for job security within the hierarchal structure. There
is tremendous concern that further funding cuts will be implemented, creating a fear-based
health and social service system. These fears create a flow from the top down, affecting the
specialists, physicians, management, nurses, social workers, and other paid and unpaid staff, and
of course these cuts affect the patients/clients. There is pressure to conform, and to do more for
less. What stance do we take? D o we succumb to the pressure to be quiet, "good little social
workers" and "cross over to the dark side," seduced by the possibility of job security? D o we
continue to engage in the battles for our rights as women service providers and clients while
risking the likelihood of further program closures and loss of employment? And what do we do
when we become ill? There is much at stake, yet there is litde funding supplied for health
services and the goal of the government to increase profit by decreasing duplication in services.
Everyone is concerned about their piece of the pie.
Gordon, Benner & Noddings (1996) reiterate Tronto (1993) when they describe how "care's
absence from our core social and political values reflects many choices our society has made

50

about what to honor" and "through that exclusion, those who are powerful are able to demand
that others care for them, and they have been able to maintain their positions of power and
privilege" (Gordon, Benner & Noddings, p. 49). And Baines, Evans & Neysmith (1991) write:
"we are so exhausted. It's the divide and conquer thing at the moment where you know, those
of us, and there are so many of us [advocates for women's issues and survivors of oppression]
that are marginalized or disenfranchised because we can't gain access to the resources that we
need in spite of our hard work" (p. 139).
The restructuring (downsizing and outsourcing, etc.) increases the antes for the parties and
between paid labour and wageless labour. This often breeds animosity among the women and
the tactic becomes successful when employees turn on their peers and each other: "My boss
was really falling apart at the same time and her insight was gone and she had serious symptoms
and it was easier for her to just focus on me as a problem" (2009, Danu, participant interview).
Essentially it becomes a survival of the fittest. She who is left standing, shall stand alone, with no
support staff, no one (agency) to refer patients to, and with no collaboration or support. The
resultingpri^e will have been at the expense of both the worker and society's best interests in
regard to positive health. This ultimately conflicts with the very nature of ethical and non-violent
social work practice.
I believe that Western society supports this unspoken economics of caring. Baines, Evans,
Neysmith (1991) argue that "an analysis of women and poverty must be based on an
understanding of the interrelationship between the labour women do in the home and their
employment in the workplace" (p. 177). MacDonald, Phipps & Lethbridge (2005) refer to Bird
& Fremont's (1991) study of gender differences regarding paid and unpaid work including child
care, concluding that "men gain health advantages as well as direct economic benefits from the
gender division of social roles" (MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge, p. 67). Burke (2002) notes

51

that findings of this study include that due to the imbalance of paid and unpaid labour, in and
outside homes, "the stress-related risks and outcomes for women and men are likely quite
different.. .and importantly Burke identifies that "until recendy, the literature on work stress and
health was based mainly on the experiences of men" (p. 67).
Many women state that they do not feel comfortable asking for help and being in need of
care because they feel like they are a burden to partners/spouses and friends and family when
they are in need of care (especially due to illness):
.. .working at a hard and responsible job, I had no right, or time, money or permission to
have a bad day, a dark day, or a sick day. I went to my doctor several times and shared my
feelings of hopelessness, sleeplessness, sadness, hunger and craving for love in my life and
finding nothing for me.. .(2009, Kali, participant interview).
Shaw & Lee (2004) refer to Emma Goldman's analysis of marriage as "an economic
transaction that binds women in to subservience to men (through love and personal and sexual
services) and society (through unpaid housework)" (p. 296) and further, "the institution of
marriage makes a parasite of a woman, an absolute dependent. It incapacitates her for life's
struggles, annihilates her social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and them imposes its
gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human character" (p. 310).
I argue that there is no difference between this description of marriage and the popular
definition of prostitution, in which an entirely similar reciprocity exists:
Politics Religion Decisions The rich and elite boy's club Dominating Dick-tating To us About us
For us Women Bitches Powerless Procreation vessels Of this still sexist, racist, classist society in
which we exist Barely Subsisting citizens Fighting for scraps and morsels Carrots dangling
Temptations Fair wages benefits A Window office Token Memberships... Still whores in the

52

corporate playgrounds from the bedrooms to the boardrooms Lest we forget that Right bitch?
Right Bitch (2003, Hel)\
I believe that what Goldman proposed so long ago remains very much accurate today in
regard to how marriage is/not equally beneficial for men and women. Overall, men seem to
reap the most benefit from marriage, as they contribute to the financial support of the family,
but frequendy they do not contribute to an equal share of the unpaid labor within the
households. And women tend to pay the dearest in regard to the amount of paid and unpaid
labour they contribute, in relation to the economic rewards they manage to withdraw. As the
union of marriage has no financial guarantee, and the illusion of economic security and elevated
social status appears to be the ultimate desired benefit of marriage, this seems a high price to pay
for what Shaw & Lee described as "soul poverty" (p. 309). But perhaps this price becomes
more balanced when compared to a potential life in the streets?
Interestingly, in their study, MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge (2005) found that although
married women reported "the strongest marginal effects on stress are from eldercare.. .men are
particularly stressed by caring for a disabled spouse" (p. 90), concluding that the "burden of
unpaid work is not experienced the same way by men and women" (p. 90). And these findings
sadly reinforce the reluctance of many women to ask for help or to say, " n o " when feeling
overwhelmed or unwell. MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge stated that "stress has known
impacts on both emotional and physical well-being" (p. 64) and "the health hazards related to
stress are becoming increasingly well recognized, including heart disease, migranes, stomach
problems, and musculoskeletal disorders, as well as emotional health problems" (pp. 66-67).
Further to this they argue that "stress is also being recognized as an occupational illness, affected
by diverse factors such as effort, workload, and control over work" (pp. 66-67). MacDonald,
Phipps & Lethbridge (2005) compared the findings of surveys by Duxbury & Higgins (1991;

53

2001), reporting that "workers have become more stressed, physical and mental health has
declined and so has satisfaction with life" (MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge, p. 66). And
MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge (2005) also state that "caregiving poses physical health and
safety risks and can be stressful, especially when time and resources are insufficient for the work
at hand" (p. 66) and "just as a supportive spouse may help alleviate the stress of the double day
so too may a supportive workplace" (p. 69).
The social workers I interviewed discussed how the conflicting circumstances of the
uncontrollable forces of illness and the imperative necessity of ever-unfailing strength (at home
and at work) was invisibly layered upon them. Yet even when illness is medically documented
(supported by evidence) social work organizations often do n o t / cannot effectively support their
own. ".. .No one wanted me to be ill, not the staff, not the community, not the agency
accreditation process that was emerging, due in a very short time" (2009, participant interview,
Kali). Women working in social work, are forced (financially and morally) to maintain their
employment and their homes, despite the often relendess symptoms of illness and the constant
demands of both employing agencies and family obligations.
MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge (2005) describe "employees who experience role
overload are more likely to report stress, burnout, or poor physical or mental health" and
"higher role overload for women than men regardless of job type" was also reported (p. 66),
again reflective of gendered division of labour. "Stress related to income as well as time" were
identified as possible factors to the reported outcomes of the study, and it was proposed that
"independent and interdependent stress effects of time and money pressures" be studied further
(MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge, 2005, p. 66). MacDonald, Phipps & Lethbridge (2005)
agree with Floro (1995) that "daily caregiving and provisioning are likely more labour intensive
for lower-income families" (MacDonald, Phipps & Lethbridge, p. 66). Duxbury and Higgins

54

(2001) found that work-family conflict is more problematic for families where money is an issue
than where it its not: 'while money cannot buy happiness, it can sure help people cope with
work-life conflict'" (Duxbury & Higgins, p. 61). This was reflected in the responses of the
participants throughout my thesis research also.
MacDonald, Phipps, & Lethbridge, (2005) offer additional factors found to have relevance
to overall participant health outcomes including connection/ support of "family and
community, job satisfaction, control at work, and employer programs" (see also Duxbury &
Higgins, 2001; Frederick & Fast, 2001; Johnson, Lero, & Rooney, 2001). These findings were
also evident in the responses provided by the participants in this research study. Ultimately it
will take women and men working together, in support of the concepts of equity and reciprocity
to create change that will show appropriate compensation and respect for the work that women
provide as caregivers in paid and unpaid work.
Poverty / Oppression/ and Trauma Within the Social Work Profession:
Caution, Social work is hazardous to your health...
"One is victimized as a woman, as one among many" (Bartky, 1999 p. 15). Many women
working within the social work profession have described a variety of experiences of
marginalization, oppression, and abandonment throughout their lives. "Women still have less
access than men to credit, finance, education, training, employment, and other productive
resources, which contributes to their poverty" (Status of Women Canada, N.D.). The
economics of caring are far too profitable for men. And those with the finances and the power
quite likely wish to keep it that way. Benoit, (2000) writes ".. .despite the lower bankruptcy rate
among female owners of small businesses.. .women generally experienced more difficulty than
men in securing the credit they needed to start up their enterprises" (Prentice et al., 196: 358, as
cited, p. 78). Baines, Evans & Neysmith (1991) describe that similar to what happens to female
social workers, despite the opportunities these occupations have provided for them, female

55

teachers and nurses have also been marginalized. In 1981, less than 10 percent of women in
teaching were employed at the secondary level while over 80 percent were in the elementary
schools (p. 65).
It is unfortunate that for many female social workers, entrapment within the cycle of
violence has continued within their social work careers. This is especially relevant for women
who are experiencing invisible illness or disability. The sources of these traumas within the
profession are multi-sourced: "There are so many women that go through these kinds of
experiences and have similar trauma.. .comes from the inability to move forward and to care for
children and home as much as the actual darkness that looms over the psyche" (2009,
participant interview, Kali):
My full time position was quickly filled by one of my colleagues. She had been in the
running when I was hired and was more than delighted to take my place while I would be
gone. She reported to the board at the very next meeting that I hadn't been keeping up with
my work as was expected by them and that she would put the time in to get things caught
up. A couple of board members were compassionate enough to make it clear to her and to
the office manager that I would be returning to my position and that this colleague would be
filling my position temporarily. It wasn't long until the office manager had made a list of all
my delinquencies in meeting attendance, reports, and accreditation requirements due to my
illness and that she felt that I needed to be replaced immediately, which I was (2009,
participant interview, Kali).
Women have described structural and political abandonment, racism, and isolation from
colleagues, supervisors and peers: "I was not contacted by my office or my colleagues regarding
anything including my well being, my families well being, my possible return, or if there was
anything that they could do to assist me in my illness" (2009, participant interview, Kali).

56

Referring to Harker (2002), Henning (2006) writes "if they are socially isolated they don't do
well, if they don't have resources like financial resources they don't do well and this is especially
true for mental health patients (Henning, p. 48). Mackelprang & Salsgiver (1999) wrote that
"historically isolation has been a major obstacle for persons with disabilities in developing
culture. Isolated from others with disabilities, people with disabilities have been given litde
opportunity for shared development" (p. 26): "I wondered why I was being left to flounder in
my illness while I had truly supported them in so many family needs, in extra time off requests,
in workshops, training and in their own mental wellness. What had I done or possibly not done
to deserve this silent, isolating treatment" (2009, participant interview, Kali)}
"Society has labeled them as hopeless and has treated them accordingly.. .Lack of access to
employment, education, transportation, and housing has produced poverty and has restricted
access to society" (Mackelprang & Salsgiver, 1999, p. 26). As well many women, including those
in this research study, have described circumstances of seemingly endless poverty. And we
know that violence against women is direcdy related to poverty and the oppression of women
and children. Gender violence is a symptom of powerlessness and lack of control that many
women are experiencing, and I repeat that although 74 percent of workers in the social work
profession are women, they are concentrated in the lower paying direct service positions
committed to an ethic of caring about and for marginal populations (Baines, Evans & Neysmith,
1991 p. 60). Mullaly (1997) also argues that the "greatest preponderance of abuse and neglect
occurs among those who have fewest resources to work with, and who are struggling the most
to secure the basic necessities of life, as well as having the greatest number and most sustained
pressures on them—that is, the poor". A participant speaks to this:
My benefits included a $1500.00 a month living allowance on both short and long term
disability. Before this time, in the year 2000,1 was bringing home $68,000.00 a year when I

57

was working full time, which I had done at this agency for 6 years. My first disability cheque
arrived 5 months after the date that I entered the hospital. I took a $50,000.00 a year pay cut
over night. I had a mortgage, a car loan, 4 children at home, all of my children's sports, gas,
insurance, etc, etc as we all do. It was 8 short months until I received a notice of foreclosure
on my house. I wasn't able to keep up with it all.. .1 had a few friends that I was able to rely
on to drive me to these appointments but I still had to pay for the gas (2009, Kali, participant
interview).
Glenday & Duffy (1994) describe that women constitute 59 percent of Canada's poor and
that employment frequently fails to provide escape from poverty. "This objectification of
workers does violence to both their bodies and spirit" (Sass, 1998, p. 16). It is this sad reality
that makes this research so imperative. Despite that the women of this study are educated and
work (or have worked) as professional social workers, when we examine this from a perspective
that illuminates the disadvantaged social positioning and lack of monetary and human value
placed on both the work we do and the gender we were prescribed, our experiences derive from
a disadvantaged position. When we become ill, that disadvantaged positioning is exacerbated,
further impeding chances of physical, mental or financial recovery. And when we recognize
that in addition, many women working in social work have traumatic histories and they are often
struggling and seeking positive ways to cope as well as many are managing ongoing
impoverished circumstances (despite education and professional status). This was reflected in
the data, as all but one of the participants in this study disclosed histories of trauma and abuse in
a variety of messy ways: "Childhood abuse and addiction issues drove me to create space.. .1
created distance to protect myself.. .A double edged sword" (2009, participant interview, Venus).
"HoldinOn ... LettinGo... Choices... Misery... FuckRacismViolence ...bigass trigger forme,

58

visually.. .not showing the rape sceen, but showing her after it happened.. .damn fuckin near
threw up, got very light headed" (2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
I personally know many 'women who have described experiences of similar marginalization
and violence prior to them becoming social workers, and some identify that a contributing factor
that led them to careers in social work was the desire to make a difference in the lives of other
women, who may also feel trapped in their own oppressive situations. Interestingly, many
women state frustration and helplessness due to their own inability to be helpful to their clients,
due to the organizational structures that make helping an impossible illusion, as one of the most
crippling aspects of their profession. Gondolf (1988) describes the notion of "learned
helplessness" as "ironically prevalent in the system of helping sources" and further states that "it
is more likely that agency personnel suffer from insufficient resources, options, or authority to
make a difference, and therefore are reluctant to take decisive action" (p.23): "I tried to tell my
colleagues of my feelings, they didn't want to hear anything of it, we already had an employee
out on sick leave and we were all feeling the strain of having him gone, no replacement, and no
idea of when or if he would return..." (2009, participant interview, Kali).
Burstow (1992) criticizes systems theory not only for blaming (women) mothers for failing
to protect their children, but also for fostering the further victimization of women. A Systems
Theory analysis supports the notion of the imbalance of power between men and women and
how women's access to resources is limited. Burstow further suggests that violence is a
symptom of the more deeply rooted structures of oppression and the marginalization of women
21

. Benoit (2000) refers to Jones (1990) when she argues how sexuality, reproduction and

physical bodies must be examined when discussing gender differences and the concept of

21

"Women's under representation in positions of power and decision-making is linked to women's overall unequal
status in society and to structural barriers within political, economic, cultural and social systems in society" (Status
of Women Canada, N.D.).

59

citizenship. Further, she argues that that the unique hazards of women's bodied experiences
exist in both the private and public spheres of capitalist countries. Effectively, the intersections
of these bodily differences becomes that which excludes women's full participation and
citizenship (Benoit, p. 21).
Contrary to the myth of classlessness, which is part of the capitalist structure, both evidence
and reason lead to the unmistakable conclusion that gender violence is strongly related to
poverty in terms of prevalence and severity of consequences. When we identify who has access
to power and resources in our society we begin to discern a different indication of a person's
class position Coldwell (1999) refers to Bishop (1994) in her argument that when defining class,
we need to take into account several things, such as income, education, occupation, residence,
values, language and the position the person has in the social hierarchy (Coldwell, 1999). "Class
lines tend to be very convoluted because there are few firmly recognizable ways in which most
people can identify to which class they belong" (p. 5). It is quite common, in my experience,
that many people identify as being middle class when comparing themselves to others who have
less.
Ehrenreich (1989) argues that middle class can be defined by "economic and social status
which is based on education, rather than on the ownership of capital property" (p. 12). She says
that most professionals and white-collared managers, "whose positions require at least a college
degree, and increasingly also a graduate degree" (p. 12) are included in this class. If we agree
with her then by definition, social workers can be viewed as middle class. Many of us live in
various states of poverty, while we still aspire to the possessions that create a perception of a
middle class standard of living. Coldwell (1999) refers to Kennedy (1979) where the findings of
a study of working class women in the United States were that the women "attempted to hide

60

their poverty, their lifestyles, and their employment, seeking instead to struggle toward at least
the outward appearances of middle-class respectability (Coldwell, p. 10).
I find this phenomenon interesting and intriguing both from my own experiences and from
witnessing others. These behaviours are reflected in the way we regard invisible disability
(illness), in that we attempt to validate, legitimize, and both over and under exaggerate symptoms
and severity depending on the desired outcome. For instance, when we are trying to hide our
illness (especially during early, undiagnosed stages, and prior to "coming out") from our
employers and work colleagues we diligentiy attempt to mask the severity and symptoms,
typically for fear of risking losing our jobs. And for those of us who are single, when we are
seeking a potential new mate, we are often less inclined to lay it all out there, again typically out
of fear. But when we are negotiating with physicians and health care programs in our attempts
to secure compensation or extended health benefits, most of us recognize the only way to
accomplish this is to present the ugly facts of the impairment. We essentially expose our
impoverished health during those moments when we have no other viable option. In this
manner, we wear multiple cloaks of illness and in/visibility. I believe that this exemplifies the
importance and relevance of class when we examine dis/ability.
Marx's analysis of class, defined it in terms the relationship between production means and
labour within the capitalist system. Referring to a study done by Grella (1990) of women who
experienced downward mobility after a divorce, Coldwell (1999) indicates that Grella found that
these women defined class "as a sense of lifestyle and consumption of homes, furniture,
cars

emblems of intellectual interest, such as books, and symbols of middle-class security,

such as living in a certain neighborhood" (Coldwell, p. 5). Coldwell (1999) also refers to
Andersen (1985) and Weber (1920) when she defines class in terms of access to social and
economic resources as they interrelate to economics, status and power (Coldwell, 1999). But

61

Coldwell criticizes these definitions for their failure to take into account the experiences specific
to women, including gender and race marginalization, indicating that "perception of class entails
more than financial status" (p. 6), and she refers to Langston (1992) when she states that denying
"class divisions functions to reinforce ruling class control and domination" (Coldwell, 1999, p.
9). Class determines who our friends are, what schools we attend, what education we get,
restaurants where we eat, etc.

Coldwell (1999) writes "when we experience classism, it will be

because of our lack of money, (ie. choices and power in society) and because of the way we talk,
think, act, m o v e . . . " (p. 10). And Lorde (1992) argues that "we rob women of each other's
energy and creative insight" (p. 405) when we do not acknowledge class differences.
The Liberalist framework we operate from as social workers suggests that we all have equal
opportunity to access resources and to thrive. This equality is a gross misconception. According
to Benoit, "the welfare state affects women and men differently.. .the welfare state can hardly be
seen as gender neutral, but rather as reinforcing a deeply ingrained sexual division of labour
based on gender inequality" (2000, p. 21). Poverty is one of the largest blockades to access and
is essentially equal only to disability and disadvantage.
Eighty-three per cent of solo parents in Canada in 1994 were female" (Benoit, 2000, p. 76),
"and their incomes are typically only half of the average family income" (CASW, p. 5). And
Statistics Canada, 1989, findings compared "single female parents are almost three times as likely
to be poor as male single parents" (p. 171, as cited in Baines, Evans, Neysmith, 1984, p. 194).
Considering that 74 percent of the social work profession consists of female workers and many
of these workers are in the position of raising families alone, then we must acknowledge, as
Duffy and Pupo (1992) write, "when solo- mothers do find employment it is usually part-time
and excluded from benefits mandated under employment standards legislation" (p. 250; also see
Benoit, 2000, p. 76). And as Sass (1998) argues, economy is structured by laws which are such

62

that privilege is reinforced, ultimately positioning women (and the work they do) into the
"shadows of social policy" effectively silencing those less fortunate (p. 25).
The range of earnings for social workers is between twenty-nine thousand and forty-four
thousand dollars, gross annual income (Stephenson, Rondeau, Michaud, & Fiddler, N.D., p. 72).
The net, take home pay is around two thousand dollars per month for full-time, entry level
positions. This leaves little extra at the end of the month. In fact, a woman raising a family on
her own, on these wages is actually living in poverty. A disabled women who is unable to work,
will no longer receive her full working wages. If she is fortunate to have extended health
coverage, (or an employed spouse with extended health coverage) she will hopefully receive at
least a percentage of her regular earnings through such programs. Unfortunately, not all social
workers are employed in agencies where there are employee health benefit programs, and still
others are excluded for a variety of reasons such as contract-employment and non-union
positions. And until a worker becomes ill, she will likely be unaware of the limitations to
extended health plans purchased by some employers.
Danu writes: "At my last job whenever I was off my co-worker would have to cut back our
work load there was no one else to do my job. I did have so many sick days a year to use up and
then vacation time but I had no short term leave... three employers gave me sick time off with
no pay" (2009, participant interview). Another participant explained that the "skinny plan" her
employer bought is set up so that employees must pay approximately $500.00 for
physio/massage therapy, chiropractic etc. (approx. $43.00 per visit) for the first 12 visits in a
twelve month period, in order to be refunded $100.00 1979) ($10.00 per visit), before the 80 per
cent extended health discount kicks in, on the 131 visit in that 12 month period. For people
with money, this does not present any significant challenge to receiving treatment, but for a

63

woman barely managing, she is forced to choose between paying for treatment, or paying her
rent.
.. .even my psychiatrist says that I need way more medical care than what I will ever receive
here, unfortunately, and suggested that if I manage to get the money and can get somewhere
(the States or France) to have a proper full health assessment, (same thing the surgeon in
Seattle told me I needed) that's what I need to do. My mom always joked that 'money talks
& bullshit walks! Lord knows that if I had the money, I would be fixed.. .1 would not be
suffering, reduced to less than an animal.. .they restored a tree in Stanley park for $30grand!
and a 3 legged dog got a prosthetic leg.. .truly saddens me that I am this disposable and
unimportant... some say money can't buy happiness... wanna just smash them in the
face.. .go all joe pecci on their ass! lol. This illness has stripped me of any joy and rilled me
with such rage! There goes that crazy lady again, scaring all the litde children.. .lol
omfg.. .it's been almost 9 years! that is just too long.. .but if you're an asshole your an
asshole no amount of money changes that! lol... (2009, participant interview, He/).
The observation that a woman is frequendy "only a man away from poverty" (Baines,
Evans, Neysmith, 1984, p. 180), highlights women's proximity to poverty and the economic
vulnerability of women who are on their own. One participant disclosed that she was forced to
remain in abusive relationships (throughout her life), but especially since becoming ill, due to her
inability to afford housing, utilities, groceries for her children, and student loan payments (unless
she paid one bill but not others) without a partner or a roommate to offset the costs. She
thought that a career in social work would bring her financial independence, but rather she says
"I'll be in debt now until I die because there is no way I will ever be able to recover from the
financial devastation from this (illness)... I can't even work one job anymore, let lone the several
jobs I need (and used to work) in order to just pay monthly expenses..." (2009, participant

64

interview, Hel). She describes living in fear every day that she will "end up in the streets" due to
"inability to pay her bills despite her education, tons of books, and some "sooper cool clothes
that i can't wear anyway cuz i can't really go anywhere.. .but I sure can look awesome when sit
on the throne, before I have to strip it all off again due to painful sweats.. ."(2009, He/). She
does not define herself as middle class, but as "embarrassingly impoverished".

She described

having to go through a "loan shark to get financing for a vehicle so she could still at least drive
to her doctor appointments, especially since they are in 3 different communities". She sold all
her furniture and jewelry in order to pay monthly expenses and has nothing really left to sell, and
she writes, "I'd sell my blood, but apparently I was anemic so I guess I'm running on empty
there too, lol, my options are pretty limited, lol" (20098, Hel). She states that if she manages to
live through this nightmare, and finally get the required surgeries, she intends to find a lawyer to
sue the various organizations... "dead people can't sue, lol" (2009, Hel)\ And Danu writes this:
When I was younger with a small child it was my parents that looked after my toddler when
I couldn't or was in hospital, I understand what a blessing that was. My m o m came and lived
with me a few times while the anti depressant kicked in to help with cooking and daycare. N o w
I try to fill my day up with friends, exercise, reading while I wait for better mental health to
return (2009, participant interview).
Transken (2003) refers to Diane Meaghan (2001) when she writes "a neo-liberal agenda has
increasingly encouraged a close proximity between institutions of higher learning and the
marketplace" and there is an intensification of "emphasis on productivity, accountability,
vocationalism and privatization that is transforming policies and practices within" (Transken, p.
12). Oppression is often found in such areas as education, the production and distribution of
goods and services, public administration, the delivery of health and social services, and the like
(Foucault, 1977; Mullaly, 1997). Female social workers may be facing additional challenges

65

outside of her employment. These include lack of access to services such as daycare,
transportation, medical care and sustenance, which are limited by modest incomes. Kali writes
this:
I felt alone, afraid, angry, stupid, co-dependent, whiny and pitiful, I felt needy and tiny and
sick.. .Not wanting to feel anything of it, I put on the everyday smile, buttoned up my suit,
put on my polished shoes, downed my Excedrin, drove my kids to school in town and all the
while wondering how I would go through another day (2009, participant interview).
These challenges increase considerably for many new social workers who are trying to raise
families in isolated, rural and northern communities. For those female social workers who are
experiencing disability/illness, and specifically, those whose illness is invisible, the challenges can
become unmanageable. Danu describes the following:
My experience with an invisible disability is that people are generally skeptical; if you can't
see it, it doesn't exist. How do we know you aren't just making it up to get sympathy?
Feeling like you have to explain yourself for sitting in an able looking body. In the case of
mental illness you have to sell people on the belief it is a real illness on top of it being
invisible. N o one ever helped me or my child when I was in the paralysis of major
depression or when I was hospitalized with depression. I had way more visitors from
friends and co-workers when my body was broken. It was a profound difference (2009,
participant interview).
In a study about a growing concern of workplace violence, Mama (2001) described that
"workplace violence occurs in a variety of settings" and is not limited to employees and
employers but also has implications for students. Mama's study also noted that very little
literature exists regarding workplace violence and oppression of social work students at either

66

BSW or MSW levels (No Page #). This is relevant to my research as it has implications for the
social work profession.
Gate Keeping
Social work is the only program that I am aware of in British Columbia ~ for which a two
year period exists between undergraduate and graduate studies? N o such policy exists in the
province for programs in education, medicine or law. This is apparently to ensure that
applicants have some grasp of the nature of the employment (although there have been some
"unintentional" exceptions to this rule). And volunteer experience, (along with the personal
statement and academic criteria) is a prerequisite to entrance to most reputable BSW and MSW
programs. These policies ultimately ensure that applicants remain in disadvantaged socioeconomic positions, regardless of intention.
Many present social work students are from blue-collar, working class, low (to low-middle)
class backgrounds, rather than from middle (to upper middle) class privilege which used to be
more commonly the case, and these students (and hopeful applicants) are likely experiencing a
layering of oppressions, including that they are also more frequently single parent females,
violence survivors, of rural citizenship, and possibly of minority or aboriginal ancestry. The
MSW application process systematically prolongs the time frames between accessing positions
where rates of pay increase, which would provide social workers increased ability to repay
student loans and to sustain herself and her family. The required time spent in the work force,
pre-graduate school, ensures that the social worker receives just enough income to seduce her,
but not enough income to enable financial advancement. Therefore, the gate-keeping practices
impose a type of gender violence wherein graduates from social work programs are limited in

22
Social policy in Canada is shaped by what is called the "divided sovereignty" (Van Loon & Whittington, 1976, in
Westhues, 2003). This means that jurisdiction has been given to the federal government for some areas of policy
development and to the provinces for others.

67

their employment options from the beginning of their careers. In order to advance in the social
work field, due to limited employment options with only a BSW, a practitioner must obtain her
MSW (or a nursing degree/diploma, as supported by current postings on a variety of
professional/ government sites). But, in order to do so, she must also first satisfy the criteria
allowing entrance into graduate studies, which first includes completion of the two year
requirement of practice experience. Then, to further satisfy the admission criteria, she must find
the time to put in more volunteer hours, while working a full time paid position, while (also
possibly raising a family and) dealing with her own unique life situations. For many women,
those life situations include living with an invisible illness/disability.
The gate keeping practices I have described as they relate to social work education/ degree
programs are not dissimilar to the structures existing within our health care system, where access
to treatment, medical tests, and speciali2ed care is controlled by the general practitioners and
one's access to the financial means with which to jump the queue and pay for services in either
the subsidized public system or in the more elite private realm:
When a doctor assaulted me symptoms from a past episode of the chronic medical condition
I live with were used to refute the competency of my testimony.. .When I was assaulted at
work and the stress caused a relapse in my chronic medical condition WCB said it could not
be attributed to the assault because it was a "pre-existing condition" (2009, participant
interview, Danu).
One participant writes that it is the four year anniversary of when she went to the USA for
medical tests (she first became ill in 2002), and she has not yet received surgical repair. She
describes a situation where she was given the name of, and asked to see a diagnostician, whom
used to be the head of the colo-rectal surgery department at the hospital down south where she
"had the misfortune to see the most abusive and condescending surgeon E V E R " (2009,

68

participant interview, He/)\ Her request was denied with no explanation. "I still don't know
why" (2009, participant interview, Hel). She states also that during one of three meetings with
the senior medical advisor for the (region withheld) health authority, to discuss her ongoing
medical battles and lack of adequate/timely medical/surgical treatment, he said to her, "you
jumped the queue. You know as well as I, that it is political" (2009, participant interview, Hel).
Interesting to note is how the politics and outcome of the "queue-jumper" in the following
article vastly differs from the participant's described experience:
Canadian medical association president Brian Day yesterday admitted that he pulled strings
to get a same-day CT scan for his then five-year old daughter. "To me, it's completely
unacceptable, sending a mother home for six days not knowing whether her daughter has a
malignant or a benign bone tumor. I made the phone call.. .1 made them do it that day".
Day recalled his experience during a discussion with the Ottawa Citizen's editorial board of
what he calls the "parallel public system", a system of social connections that makes it easier
for people in certain class of society to get quick access to treatment. He said himself used
the system when he needed knee surgery, jumping a long queue to get the procedure done
within a week. It's not unrealistic, Day said, to expect people not to use connections to
queue jump (Tuesday December 4, 2007, p. A10).
Professional Absurdity
I believe that women are entitled to work within a social work profession where the working
environment fosters support and encouragement and positive health, rather than an
environment that is conducive to victimization and abandonment.

Rather, there is an absurdity

within the profession of social work I which the female employees are obligated to extend
themselves far and beyond what would be expected of (unwritten roles within job descriptions)
employees in other non-traditionally female types of employment.

69

For example employees working in accounting firms, law firms, computer companies or
within the construction/trade labour industries would not be requested or guilted into working
unpaid overtime, (either in the office or at home) hours, either in the office/job site or at home.
It would be neither fathomable nor ethical for these employees to be implicitly or explicidy
coerced to provide after hour services to clients, free of charge. It is also expected that we
attend countiess functions and sit as members on numerous committees, (again on a non-paid
basis, over and above regular scheduled working hours). And in our spare time, we are also
expected to bake/buy cupcakes, muffins, and cookies for these benefits, fundraisers, board and
committee meetings. Is this perhaps due simply to our "nurturing and caring" temperaments?
It has also not been my experience to witness society demand free labour from physicians
(consider the provincial medical system's mandated fees charged by doctors for completion/
signature of simple medical-related forms). And can you imagine if physicians were expected to
provide free consultations, work countiess hours of unpaid over-time, experience reductions of
benefits, and loss of wages for government claw-backs (as was the case in 2002 for provincial
ministry positions)? Or if under-educated, para-professionals were contracted to do fill
positions, (some on a volunteer basis), resulting in job losses and pay-reductions? Yet this is
condoned, perpetuated, enabled, and built into the very structures of the profession of social
work (and some other traditionally caring professions). This marginalization of social workers
(and the profession) is reflected every time a worker goes on medical leave and her position is
not filled, but instead the other workers (if there are any) are expected to manage her caseload in
her absence. We see this when social workers struggle to complete paperwork for court dates
and paperwork for their files, and update files on their online systems, while the intake calls pour
in and they attend one crisis after the next, and when traumatized workers request debriefing for

70

situations, but none exists or it is extremely limited, and when junior workers, need and request
supervision but none exists.
"Our entire social system relies on the massive economic exploitation of menwim. And
because not a single worn is capable of thinking of the world 'manwom' without thinking 'sex',
menwims's entire rebellion is put down as a sexual rebellion" (Brantenberg, 1985, p. 228).
Ultimately, without the unpaid work of, and the altruistic nature of those females employed
within the social work profession, the social welfare system would be immobilized. Our
profession implicitly relies largely upon the fact that women are socialized to nurture and care
for others and that many women will naturally assume such responsibilities when called upon to
do so. Our budgets depend upon this fact. The social welfare system is designed in such a way
so as to utilize the unpaid "volunteer" hours of those who are dedicated and caring.

Benzon

(2003) wrote "these individuals are likely to attract the attention of these predators and so are
more likely to be killed than others in the group..." (p. 36).
If we understand that oppression and marginalization of women is conducive to genderviolence and that although gender-violence is an individual problem, it is also very much linked
to the larger systems of community and society. It is essential that we deconstruct female
oppression and marginalization in order that we are able to appreciate that it is a symptom of
capitalism, patriarchy, classism, sexism, able-ism and power imbalance. We must also identify
how it is manifested within our profession and how it works against the very concepts and
principles that are the basis of our work. We must view female oppression and marginalization
as a public issue, as it relates to our practice and as it relates to the overall health and well being
of women. Our role as social workers is crucial to our work with marginalized and oppressed
individuals and groups. We are, in essence, the liaison between society and the clients we
support. It is part of our jobs to make private troubles public issues. We must have patience

71

and be as gentle as humanly possible when we ate working with the effects of discrimination and
violence. We must be educated and culturally sensitive to the dynamics of oppression and the
meanings attached for the individuals. We must remain compassionate, empathetic and
objective when working with our clients.
So why is it that when women (social workers) experience these same oppressive,
marginalizing and traumatic factors, which have clearly been linked to issues of mental and
physical health and social worker retention, that our needs, as supported by the literature, are
ignored and we are left isolated? And not only are we unable to help our clients, but we are
equally unable to help each other: "In general, support to service providers is irregular and
inadequate. Supervision is not available everywhere. In the health care and social services
system it has become a relatively rare commodity, so that service providers must mutually
support each other" (Baines, Evans & Neysmith, 1984, p. 152). Female social workers
effectively experience a dual victimization in that we are immobilized in our workplaces to be of
help which violates our spirits and when we experience physical symptoms we are further
violated when we ask for help: "I would just fuckin cry when People were kind to me, they are
so few..." (2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear). Gondolf argues that "women meet an
equally tentative response from the helpers" and that "malpractice suits, no-risk clauses,
privatization of services, severe funding cutbacks, and a laissez-faire public attitude have brought
reluctance rather than initiative to the helping professions" (1988).
Many aspects of female socialization cumulatively "accomplish" women's identities in ways
which are perceived as inconsistent with leadership identities. Benoit (2000) writes "in
management, for example, women are clustered in the least responsible and lowest paying
jobs..." (p. 72). Social workers often appear to possess significant amounts of power within
agency frameworks; however, the individual social workers within those agencies are relatively

72

powerless. Visible minorities and disabled equity groups are somewhat underrepresented within
the social services sector as a whole. They are also somewhat underrepresented in management
positions (CASW, p. 6). Those in power are generally, upper class, white, heterosexual men
(Carniol, 1992). It is understood that the farther one gets from this description, the less access
to power one has. Without access to power, one is underprivileged or marginalized. Therefore,
it could be stated that as a group consisting largely of women, social workers essentially have
little access to power and its privileges (Glenday & Duffy, 1994).
These descriptions have led me to question how it is that a profession that subscribes to the
philosophy of "respecting the intrinsic self worth of persons" (BCASW, 1999, p. 4) would
condone situations of workplace abuse, abandonment, and ultimately the "consumption of its
own"? These behaviors appear to be especially relevant when a social worker becomes ill, and
requires special treatment or time-off. Moreover, when the illness is invisible, or not
automatically apparent to onlookers, the behaviors seem to elicit animosity, and the disabled
worker is frequently subjected to damaging treatment by her colleagues.
Much of the time it is her coworkers who are left to manage the resultant increase in caseloads, with nothing by way of additional support. It is this phenomenon that I will concentrate
on for the bulk of my research, one in which I refer to among similar- minded peers as, "how
the profession of social work consumes its own (young)": "This last time I was having a hard
time, people were diagnosing me behind my back. Making excuses for me instead of saying or
describing aggressive, angry behaviours even if it was justified" (2009, participant interview,
Danu).
Although women make up the majority of social work students, workers, and clients, women
have the least access to power to ensure that their needs and interests are reflected by social
work education and practice (Reamer, 1994, p. 309). Reamer describes that people have

73

conceptuali2ed that the "really big problems" of social work, including poverty, racism, and
chronic physical and mental illness, are more important than and unrelated to nonsexist practice
or attention to women's distinctive needs, and are unable to see how women are
disproportionately affected by these growing social problems (p. 317). Gondolf, (1988) describes
what they called "a more fundamental problem to be addressed—that of learned helplessness
among social services, where service staff face the 'uncontrollable' environment, noted by the
proponents of learned helplessness, in terms of unchanged clients, overwhelming caseloads, and
insufficient resources" (1988, p. 99). They state that this in no way negates valid "claims of
sexism and systematic neglect" and that there was "no compelling motivation to draw on some
survivor instinct to halt learned helplessness, because most of their jobs are assured despite their
work conditions" (1988p. 99). I took liberty to assume that they were referring to social work
positions protected by unions, in which regardless of circumstance, workers receive payment for
services.
I am exploring this subject because the absence of these crucial elements within many
working environments is conducive to female oppression and marginalization as it is
experienced by social workers, most of whom are women. I have outlined some of the factors
that I believe are relevant and contribute to the ongoing oppression and marginalization of
women that occurs within the profession of social work. It is my intent that my research
provokes some thoughts and discussion about how we have become sensitized to the nature of
gender-violence, and the oppression and marginalization of women, and as a society we have
condoned and reinforced it within our structures. My core assumption is that agencies
employing social workers should value and enhance people's dignity, self esteem rather than
destroy it. As a social worker, I feel saddened that in an environment where I am to promote
the "intrinsic self-worth" of my clients, I have litde value to my employer, to the profession, or

74

as a woman. I am in essence, a commodity, and I must adhere to the CASW expectations, or as
per the Board of Registered Social Workers, I could be subject to "disciplinary measures
including but not limited to, an educative warning, reprimand, limitation of right to practice
social work, suspension or cancellation of membership". But conversely, there is little
accountability of the profession itself to those of us, who enforce its mission as the "Dobermans
to the Gestapo" (Transken, 2004): "Worker discourse is silenced, and workers are subjected to a
cost-benefit analysis and trade-off (Sass, 1998, p. 18). This is reflected in the following
participant quotation: "But when it came to supporting one of their workers the company's high
moral stance on assisting those with a disability was thrown out the window. This of course was
because I was costing them money. I mean they loved me when I helped make them money but
their financial compensation was pathetic" (2009, participant interview, Venus).
E X P L O R I N G T H E LITERATURE: PART II
C O N F L I C T I O N S & PRESCRIPTIONS: Reality vs. Delusion: Social work and the
North
Vicarious Traumatization, Transference/ Counter Transference, Compassion Fatigue
and the Social Worker
The very nature of much of our relationship as social workers/researchers is likely to be
uncomfortable and often traumatic. We are exposed to many detailed, explicit accounts of an
often uncomfortable and potentially damaging nature. Vicarious trauma experienced by us
through our clients, is an "occupational hazard" to trauma work, and has the potential to trigger
our own memories. We react to this on both conscious and subconscious levels. This makes us
inevitably vulnerable to vicarious traumatization and compassion fatigue. The experiences
shared by my participants included gripping accounts of a highly sensitive and personal nature.
These stories evoked thoughts and emotions from myself, as well as from the participants.
"Emotions can be used as "markers" to recollect and relive field experiences during the analysis.
Angen (2000) outlines the dangers of secondary traumatization for qualitative research staff

75

(undergraduate interview transcribers) and concludes with advice on how to emotionally protect
and prepare one's assistants. I question how, if simultaneously women are experiencing (or are
still processing previous) trauma within their private and/or professional lives, are we able to
balance the factors that are consequential to the profession? How we manage this phenomenon
is imperative to the work we do as social workers/researchers so that we neither cause harm to
ourselves nor others. The very essence of what we need to protect ourselves conflicts with the
practice realities described by female social workers.
For instance, social workers claim that large portions of their work is done within a context
where the staff is under-supported, and under-supervised clinically: Ingebrigston (1992) writes
"unfortunately, most social workers experience lack of support and absence of supervision" (p.
154). Similarly, Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995) offer that much of this work is done in relative
isolation. Many agencies recruit new, inexperienced social workers and provide minimal training
and supervision. And Ingebrigston (1992) reiterates that this is especially relevant in a northern
context where there typically fewer resources as compared to larger urban centres, and therefore
the social worker role is expanded to include a variety of duties that might otherwise be
contracted to other/outside agencies.
Many women describe working in isolation, and are on call within their communities,
twenty-four-seven, and have no adequate clinical supervision. Therefore, due to lack of balance,
we become more vulnerable to a variety of traumas. For example, if we are unable, due to
budget constraints, to refer a client to a colleague, and we do not benefit from time off, or
receive therapy for ourselves, then we risk becoming mentally or physically ill. Thus begins (or
resumes) the cycle of violence, as we then might require (medical) time off work, thereby leading
us deeper into impoverished states, and despair: Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995) argue that "not

76

having a consulting relationship within which to speak these feelings leaves a therapist in a place
of perpetual isolation, doubt and shame" (p. 383).
Worker traumatization is especially devastating when we work in small agencies with violent,
abusive people in positions of leadership and power. The experiences of women who have
worked in such environments are littered with " H O R R O R " stories: "I saw the system persecute
the victim and create a haven for the offender.. .nothing new for Indianz and poor folk.. .Bout
that time we got a real sick fuck for a director... transference .. .he was a terrorist, manipulator,
rascist "inRecovery" dude... (2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowbear).
Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995) refer to Louden (1992) when they explain how "both rest and
play can allow us to connect with interests and parts of ourselves not present in our work" and
they discuss "laughter is a powerful antidote to the gravity of our work, the use of humor a kind
of restorative exercise in perspective taking" (Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995, pp. 394-395). Terr
(1999) illustrates ".. .by maintaining a connection to the lighter, playful side of life", (p. 199) we
are better able to manage the darker nature of things that may be uncomfortable or frightening
and we are then more able to assist our clients. She adds, "play is a good barometer with which
to measure mental health" (p. 199).
Stephenson, Rondeau, Michaud & Fiddler (2000) write that sometimes social control or
social containment oriented agencies accidentally (or intentionally) reproduce various forms of
violence, such as trauma, abandonment, and poverty on its own members because the structures
we are embedded within make it almost impossible to do otherwise. Ultimately, "the
combination of funding constraints and increased and intensified service needs contributes to
very stressful day to day working conditions, with high employee burn-out" (p. 83). For
example, many non-profit organizations are given such poor funding that they cannot provide
adequate compensations such as pension benefits, maternity benefits, or sick leave, for their own

77

staff: "Social workers in the private or not-for-profit sector have fewer benefits than their
counterparts in the government and hospital industries" (p. 84). Many staff in these types of
organizations can become to feel abandoned, or abused by a structure within a larger structure,
which, in effect is symptomatic of oppression. Social workers are overloaded with massive
caseloads, pressure to close cases and limited resources to provide services, and many social
workers within various agencies are doing contract work, part-time and underpaid work,
emotionally draining, and demanding work, and even physically abusive work (such as the work
in many group homes, nursing homes, hospitals where social workers are working with mentally
ill patients). "Contract employment also has added stress to the lives of many workers. It is
personally difficult and it is also challenging to do social work, especially counseling, if you're not
sure that you'll be staying in the job" (Schmidt, 2002, p. 93).
Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995) refer to the work of (Farber & Heifetz, 1982; Guy & Liaboe,
1986; Kaslow & Schulman, 1987; and Pearlman & Mac Ian, 1994) when they describe that
balance is crucial to clinical social work. Maintaining a balance and wholeness between our
physical, psychological, professional and personal health 2i. is crucial to our well being as social
workers and as women. I emphasize that we must not separate ourselves from the work we do,
but rather we must complement it with the entire self. This whole self includes our conscious,
proper-self, as well it includes the darker, shadow-side of our psyche. The Social Work Code of
Ethics (2000) legislates that we promote the value and dignity of our clients. It is impossible to
adhere to this code if we are not fully capable due to structural limitations within our profession.
It is our responsibility to our own mental well-being to remain aware of our own needs, set our
limits and access resources within our social work practice. In order to facilitate this, we need to

23

"Good health—physical, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being at all stages of life—is key to women's
equality. Conversely, gender equality is a necessary condition to achieving good health" (Status of Women Canada,
N.D.).

78

have balance between work, rest, and play (Pearlman, & Saakvitne, 1995). Sadly, it is almost
impossible to for many social workers to actualize this.
Pearlman, & Saakvitne (1995) also describe limiting caseloads as a useful strategy to
minirnize work related stress and burn-out. This includes the ability to "say n o " to certain cases.
The reality of this when working in rural, or isolated northern contexts is slim. Often social
workers are working in relative isolation and may be the only worker available to do this work.
Pearlman & Saakvitne stress that there are ethical, clinical and personal considerations to
continuing to do stressful work when a worker is already depleted (p. 390). Other essential
components to overall positive worker health, as outlined by Pearlman, & Saakvitne (1995)
include "adequate pay and time off, health insurance with mental health benefits, access to
continuing professional education, weekly clinical supervision by experienced clinician" and they
suggest that "becoming involved in social action to help increase the rights of victims can help
reduce the negative impacts of the work" (p. 393).
"The importance of personal therapy for the therapist cannot be overemphasized, and has
been recommended by others as a way of remaining open to ourselves and our clients" (e.g.,
Farber, 1983b; Freud, 1937; Guy & Liaboe, 1986; Kaslow & Schulman, 1987 as cited in
Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995). These elements are quite absent in many contexts within the
profession of social work, and I argue that this absence colludes to the gender-violence that is
imposed on social workers, many of whom are women: "The truth of the matter is that worker
experiences and their making sense of their work environment is subsumed by "scientific"
certainty which does violence to the truthing process of their questioning their actual working
conditions. Occupational health and safety professionals structure this reality" (Sass, 1998, p.
21).

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This professional reality, as experienced by many social workers, is contrary to what the
literature presents in relation to post traumatic stress disorder, trauma debriefing and in regard to
worker retention, especially in isolated, rural, and northern communities, and this reality conflicts
with maintaining positive (mental) health. Purewal & Ganesh (2000) criticized the mental health
profession regarding its failure to recognize the psychological trauma that women are exposed to
in reference to gender violence.
For instance, Lewis (1980) describes that social workers are being pulled in so many
directions and are facing so many pressures that they warrant the description "battered helpers."
(Jayaratne & Chess, 1984; Pines & Kafry, 1978 as cited in Soderfeldt, Soderfeldt & Warg, 1995)
similarly states that social workers are at "above average risk of burnout." Tranter and Vis
(1997) also describe the need for ongoing self-care and importance of team work and debriefings
in regard to work with traumatized clients.
It seems that the organizational structures of the social work profession are either unaware
of these oppressive and ultimately violent working conditions, or rather is it that the women
who are working within the social work profession are so devalued, that there has been litde
consideration for their protection from within the profession itself? Stephenson, Rondeau,
Michaud, & Fiddler explained that the retention of social workers can be more difficult if their
occupation is undervalued, and that this can have a negative impact on workers (p. 86). Rather
than acknowledging unhealthy work environments, and attempting to remedy the situations,
more frequently some workers are identified as non-complacent, problematic, incompetent or
merely trouble-makers. "Others not so close decide that it is my bad behaviour, bad manners,
character defects that cause my mental instability not the other way around. They judge my
difficulties with mood, employment, relationships as the consequences of my choices, my
deficits" (2009, participant interview, Danu).

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Stephenson, Rondeau, Michaud, & Fiddler (2000) also mention that a particular challenge to
employers is the retention of Aboriginal service providers. They state that this is difficult in
remote communities, due to the environmental stress of these communities and also they note
the challenges faced when working in one's home community, (p. 84). "The additional toll on
workers in rural or northern settings, often serving high proportions of very high needs clients,
is a particular concern" (p.83).
Aboriginal Communities
The north has the fastest growth rate of senior citizens and 13 percent of the population is
Aboriginal, the highest proportion in the province. And in regard to retention of social workers
in northern communities, a strategy has been to promote the higher education of Aboriginal
women in order that they return to their communities to practice. But it has been a struggle to
find Aboriginal women with the academic qualifications necessary to fill positions in social work
within Aboriginal communities. CASW (1996) statistical data indicated that there are
"disproportionate numbers of Aboriginal peoples using services" which has created a greater
need for "available, qualified, Aboriginal service providers to serve Aboriginal persons in
northern remote locations" (p. 9).
Narrator: And ...the silent voice of the invisible Indian says...
Invisible Indian: But what about "me"?...Areyou so afraid of "me" and "my truth" that you can not
listen to "me" and "my story" without having to dehumanize "me" and "my truth" by assigning numerical
scores to do statistical analysis on "me"? "All I wanted you to do., .was. ..to just to listen to "me". ..with an
open heart and an open mind.
Narator: And the human rights activist Indian goes on to say...
Human rights activist Indian: Where is the "heart" and "soul" in White Nation social work research
and clinical models? In our Red Nation research and healing conferences, weriseabove their "scientific

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dissecting" and "intellectual oppression " to hear our voices and open our hearts and souls to share our sacred
truths with others.
Narrator: And... the courageous Indian whispers...
Courageous Indian: this is what happened to me... this is what it is like to be dehumanized... this is what
was done to me... (2003, Hosanna Waa ksis to akii, Sow613, Book-review notes, p. 4).
A disproportionately large percentage of our province's impoverished people, are Aboriginal
women. "In 1996 about five percent of all lone-parent women were Aboriginal" (Status of
Women Canada, p. 31, N.D.). Many First Nation women remain at the peripheral of our
communities and are isolated further by a lack of access to services that may be available to them
within larger community centres (Glenday & Duffy, 1994; Duffy & Mandell, 1999). Not only
are First Nation women both oppressed and marginalized but they have suffered tremendous
indignities throughout colonization such as the residential school era, when their traditional
beliefs and familial roles were stripped from them (English, 1995).
In reference to Morissestte (1993), Henning (2006) writes that First Nations women have
"experienced assaults on their spirituality, lifestyles and communities and have described feelings
of worthlessness, inequality, and self-blame" (p. 52). English (1995) describes how "Canada has
a mosaic that is stratified according to class, race and gender" and that this "classification causes
grave problems for women of colour, other minority groups, and especially Native women who
appear lowest on the hierarchy" (p. 112). She includes in her argument that native women "have
low incomes, poor education and minimal political authority" (p. 112).
Many First Nation communities have been subjected to the traumatizing effects of the
residential school syndrome, when their families and their cultures were torn apart. Colonization
created dysfunction that has contributed to violence within First Nation communities (English,
1995). This ongoing devastation includes lack of family support due to isolation, addiction

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issues and language barriers. It is the racist 24and patriarchal nature of our society that
contributes to this trauma and abuse today. And although it is present in all cultures, and despite
that is absent of colour, it remains largely a symptom of the sub-citizen class of women in all
societies. But many aboriginal women experience a "revictimization" from the agencies that are
supposed to provide services (p. 225).
The agency was/is a very Unbalanced triangle place of employment.. .it should be a
motherFucking CIRCLE For the G o o d of thePeople. TeamLeader and admin are held by
non native people, one is in the pocket of the other.. .One is a woman notorious for
conrolling to the zenith.. .always wearing more than "one hat" and "deferring money
around, does not build up capacity, does not train, takes admin fee off the top of every
program, makes $33.00 an hour wile the Indian girls.. .many in their OwnTerritory make
$9.00 an hour.. .tried to make me be her "tokenlndian" and I refused, I work for/with the
People—It is their agency... alas it is N O T and they know it and they won't use that place,
very few, some urban skinz go there. (2009, particiapant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
Burstow (1992) writes that "we owe it to our Native sisters to acknowledge that we are
dealing with sub-oppression, as well as oppression", and that we must acknowledge that "all
have been robbed of land, language, religion, and self-governance", and "many were
systematically brutalized in childhood" (p. 73). She describes that "a way of life for First
Nations people was accommodation" which is "derived from a deep respect for all beings and
from a fundamental sense of connectedness". She explaines that although accommodation in a
cooperative world is "unproblematic and wonderful", for many Native women, accommodation

24

"Women who face barriers due to factors such as race, ethnicity, Aboriginal status, disability, marital breakdown
or the experience of violence and abuse, often do not compare favourably to other women or to men within their
population" (Status of Women Canada, N.D.).

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has been witnessing white people "plunder, steal, and rape what is Native", ultimately becoming
party to "one's own subjugation" (p. 73).
Batiste (2002) writes that "Indigenous peoples worldwide are still undergoing trauma and
stress from genocide and the destruction of their lives by colonization. Their stories are often
silenced as they are made to endure other atrocities" (p. xxii). Woman (Rose von Thater) writes
about the knowledge and experience she gained at the gathering:
We were bringing to conscious recognition those elements foreign to our knowing that had
entwined themselves within us, sapping us of our natural strength. We were seeing the
experiences that had defined our lives with new eyes. We were looking at our history,
accounting for its impact, taking ourselves to the doorways of understanding, discovering
new possibilities, other strategies, watching as sources of power and strength emerged to
reveal themselves in a new light. From this place and from these days together we were
selecting, like artists, the elements that would tell a new story, taking from the past, reordering the present, envisioning a future that felt very much like a vision that had been held
for us until we could reach out and hold it for ourselves (Personal communication, June 27,
as cited in Battiste, 2002, p. xxii).
Transken (2004) honours the work of Mihesuah (1998) and Smith (1999) when she
discusses the importance that we do not misappropriate, the knowledge shared with us in
confidential sharing circles (ie. research interviews) by our participants. These kinds of thefts
have contributed to the oppression of First Nation women: "Appropriating — taking something
for one's own use — need not be synonymous with exploitation. This is especially true of cultural
appropriation. The 'use' one makes of what is appropriated is the crucial factor" (p. 23).
Education has been important in regard to the empowerment of First Nations people as well
as it is essential to the reclaiming voices that have been taken due to colonization and oppression

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of Aboriginal women historically. But sadly, First Nations women working in social work have
described experiences of extreme trauma including verbal attacks, nepotism, and racism.
ChaChaCrowBear

describes this:

Always as is HumanNature there is scapegoating goin on there. I raised issues, having just
come from residential treatment where you gotta clear each crisis as it presents.. .when I got
manic, I decided after 2 and a half yearz of hustling, trying, frying bread, practising integrated
case management.. .1 decided to up and leave.. .fuck it.. .1 was now feeling like a sell out at
this fascade of a aboriginal family centre

they wanted me out, so they were

likc.byeeee.. .and made me sign a paper , before A N Y O N E could get their cheque that "I
would not be returning to my job after medial e.i. claim" found out later this is
illegal.. .(2009, participant interview).
Social workers in small, rural, isolated, and northern communities seem to identify the same
practice difficulties regardless of whether the workers are local, or transplanted. Factors of
visibility, isolation, safety, lack of supervision, and lack of privacy are reported to be
commonplace and present as some of the primary challenges to implementing programs,
efficiency of care plans, and social worker retention.

"We need to rely on community members

who want to get a degree or a diploma, and then come back to the community" (Schmidt, 2002,
p. 112). "It's very difficult to get employees at all [up north]. It is hard to find people to work in
the wilderness" (p. 112). Interestingly, I find it strangely ironic that many 'new' methods
proposed by policy makers which we are currendy exploring in the social work field, are not so
unlike the methods of First Nations (and ethnic) communities prior to assimilation.
Study results from Schmidt (2002) regarding retention of northern social workers listed
various isolation factors, including professional, global (ie. internet and television) and personal
isolation, as reasons workers leave communities (p. 207). Visibility within the community, lack

85

of anonymity and privacy were also identified in this study. As well, opportunities for
professional development and high costs of living were identified. Importandy, lack of clinical
supervision, lack of mentoring, and lack of access to supervisors were noted as factors that
contribute to workers leaving their employment in northern communities. As well, lack of
orientation/training for new social workers and rapid advancement to supervisory positions,
without relevant increase in practice knowledge, contributed to the challenging experiences of
some social workers. Centralized decision making was also noted as a challenge, as this
represents the lack of support and understanding from upper management and an ill-fit of policy
to northern practice realties. As one participant states, "I could have sued, raised hell at best,
but it's a small town, I gotta pick my battles..." (2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
The CASW (1996) study found that "social workers who were visible minorities and
Aboriginal reported lower earnings than the average for this occupational group" (p. 7). The
study failed to mention that the opposite is the case for Aboriginal workers employed by
Aboriginal agencies, working on reserve land. In these instances, Aboriginal employees are
income tax exempt. Taxes are not deducted from their gross pay. So when we compare the take
home pay of two social workers who earn the same wage, (dollar per hour or salary),
approximately $43,000 per year, the Aboriginal worker, working on reserve, actually keeps the full
amount, (less agency fees including medical, union deductions etc), 'whereas her non-Aboriginal
colleague loses almost half her pay-cheque to taxes (and other employee deductions), therefore,
in actual fact, she only nets approximately $24,000 of her $43,000 salary. This creates a lot of
dissention in the workplace, as per the systemic and structural divide and conquer hurtful/hateful
strategies.

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A little off the top...
Murray (2008) refers to what Sylvia Maracle (N.D.) describes as "blood memory" (p. 105;
also see Anderson,2001), which can be understood as a phenomenon in which we have "the
innate ability to carry the memories of one's ancestors" (p. 105). Murray further offers that this
can be "physically, emotionally or spiritually driven" (p. 105):
I have a very old spirit, and though I carry an aching sadness for the fate of aboriginal
people, the mirror tells me that I was painted by the Creator, with "white privilege."
Unfortunately for me, I have yet to experience benefit from the paleness of my skin and not
even a university degree brought/bought me 'privilege'. In fact, while I uphill fight, struggle
and bleed for mere scraps, careful to duck when yet another government-induced, political
assault is fired upon me, those who have been labeled 'disadvantaged' benefit from
programs, subsidies (and quite possibly surgeries) from which I am excluded.. .but I
recognize on another level that this is yet a means by which government policies perpetuate
hatred, cuntempt and cuntinued segregation. My internal batde is potentially damaging to my
work.. .and I acknowledge this animal with modest shame.. .it feeds when it is
hungry...ever-fearful, careful not to unleash/release it into a devastating feeding frenzy...
(2009, participant interview, Hel).
"The most difficult task of this thesis journey is peeling back the layers of my conscience at a
time when I feel particularly fragile. As a victim of childhood abuse I learned well the art of
invisibility" (2009, participant interview, Hel). Delaney, Brownlee & Zapf (1999) offer that "in
effect, the process of oppression is a process of dehumanization" (p. 12), I offer that so is the
process of invisible illness/ dis/ability, in my experience:
.. .my home was entrenched in violence, anger, alcohol and drug abuse.. .1 was fortunate
there were incredible amounts of love and affection, provided some balance. There were

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many issues, including isolation, as we lived in a small, rural community outside a larger
community.. .years of chaos, confusion, clouding of boundaries, resulted in my entire adult
life becoming a process of unlearning, relearning, shaping and redefining, through my formal
and informal education experiences and finding constructive/productive places to place my
rage and cuntempt (2009, participant interview, Hel).
Delaney, Brownlee & Zapf (1999) explained that the "process of'unlearning' is what
empowers effective northern social work practice" and it that by understanding these contexts,
northern social workers gain an appreciation of the challenges specific to working in rural,
remote, isolated, and northern communities (p. 38).
Retention of Northern Social Workers
Geographers attempt to define north by latitude, climate, and circumpolar zones (Graham,
1990, p. 21, as cited in Henning, 2006, p. 44). There are over 300 000 people currently living
within the northern health region which covers almost two thirds of British Columbia's
landscape" (p. 43-44). The largest major British Columbian town centre, north of the Trans
Canada Highway # 1 and Highway 97 North junction at Cache Creek), is Prince George,
(population approx 75 000) is located 850 km north of Vancouver, BC.
Sullivan (2002) provides a modification of the Statistics Canada (Rural and Small Town
Canada Analysis Bulletin March, 2001) analysis of urban and rural town definitions wherein she
argues that "small towns are those where the population lives outside the commuting zone of
cities with a population over 10,000 or more, and where less than fifty percent of employed
individuals commute to an urban area" (Sullivan, p. 6).
Northern, Rural, and Remote Social Work Practice has three components from a social
geographer's perspective: First, we ask why/what is our purpose for defining 'northern' and what
relevance does this have to our work (i.e. access to and availability of services), and how does the

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definition determine elements of remoteness? Second, there is a series ofQuantitative Measures,
including population si^e, population density, and remoteness that must be considered. And the third
consideration is the Changing Social Construct, such as policy changes which may render the location
increasingly remote as cuts to programs and services occur. For instance, the community may
not have been remote prior to such changes but now geographic distance to larger centre where
eservices are available becomes paramount (Halseth, 2004, informal interview).
Geographically, raw resources are extracted and exported to the south, from the north. This
economic process occurs outside of urban context, typically in rural and remote settings, far
removed from the privileges experienced in more populated, southern communities. Most
communities in British Columbia, for example, have less than 100,000 people. They generally
rely on one or two large corporations, industry or agriculture to sustain the local economy. They
typically are an hour's driving distance apart, with a (half an hour) smaller sub-community
located between the larger centres. These driving distances tend to increase the farther north
one drives and are largely dependent upon weather/road conditions.
The retention of social workers in isolated, northern communities has been problematic for
some time (Whittington, 1985). "Increasing caseloads, difficult working conditions, stress, and
lack of peer support present barriers to attracting and retaining social work professionals"
(CASW, 1996, p. 25). It is common, in today's labour market that social workers relocate for
employment opportunities:
I had left my hometown and province in order to get this job and be able to support my
children. I was approximately 14 hours from all of my family and friends, including the
father of my 4 children.. .Raising 4 children on my own, far away from family support.. .1
had no support!...! was on my own most of the time (2009, participant interview, Kali).

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Many new social workers find these opportunities are within northern, rural, remote and
isolated communities. New employees are highly vulnerable. It is also common practice for
many social work employers to hire recent graduates from university and college social work
programs. Unfortunately, all too frequently, little training is offered to new recruits and rather
they are thrown into huge caseloads, and are often required to work within several different
communities (Schmidt, 2002). This type of movement further isolates a new social worker who
is attempting to learn the duties of her position. She becomes less able to turn to her colleagues
and supervisors for support due to the fact that she is essentially geographically and physically
estranged from her peers. She remains the "new face" in the office. This type of movement
makes it also difficult for the new social worker to know her clients or get a feel for her caseload.
These dynamics are especially relevant when workers are transplanted from outside their home
communities into new geographic locations, and especially when there are significant differences
between what workers define as "home" and their new environments.
Zapf (1993) describes that personal history and attitudes may be associated with recovering
from the culture shock experienced by relocation to northern communities (p. 694). This study
also found that women reported significantly less recovery to the shock of relocation to
northern /isolated communities than males. The possibilities of role conflict due to
expectations within her home, at work, and within the community were given as potential
explanations to this finding but it remained unclear. Stephenson, Rondeau, Michaud, & Fiddler
(2002) describe that "social workers in the private or not-for-profit sector have fewer benefits
than their counterparts in the government and hospital industries" (p. 84). Many staff in these
types of organizations can become to feel abandoned, or abused due to the down-flow of
structural power, which, in effect is symptomatic of oppression. And much of this work is done

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within a context where the staff is under-supported, under-monitored for protection, and undersupervised clinically (p. 152).
Thomlinson (1999) writes "supervision and consultation practices are guided by a strong
emphasis on ethics and integrity (p. 508) in accordance with the CASW Code of Ethics (1996)
and the NASW Code of Ethics (1997). She also states that "supervision is the process that gives
novice social workers the opportunity to learn, and to think carefully about what they are
experiencing" (p.508). "Unfortunately, most social workers experience lack of support and
absence of supervision" (p. 154). And as well, much of this work is done in relative isolation (in
urban and remote communities). Many agencies recruit new, inexperienced social workers but
then provide minimal training and supervision. This is especially relevant in a northern context.
As well, according to the CASW, the "combination of funding constraints and increased and
intensified service needs contributes to very stressful day-to-day working conditions, with high
burn-out (p. 11). "A particular area of concern identified in the study was "the additional toll on
workers in rural or northern settings, often serving high proportions of very high need clients (p.
11).
Ingebrigston, 1992; Abramson (1979) write that social workers need to be aware of the
special characteristics and skills necessary for working in rural and remote communities.
Unfortunately, due to the lack of adequate supervision, the reality for social workers today is that
they do not receive enough information or training to fully prepare them for the positions they
assume when they commence employment. This is especially relevant when workers are
transplanted from outside their home communities into new geographic locations, and especially
when there are significant differences between what workers' define as "home" and their new
environments.

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Ingebrigston also states that isolation and environmental stresses as characterizing northern,
rural social work. Ginsberg (1976) identifies health problems and poverty as important elements
within rural, ethnic communities. Stephenson, Rondeau, Michaud, & Fiddler (2002) write that
"the isolation is hard for a person who is not experienced, and it's hard to understand what it is
like not to have support professionally" (p. 93). They claim that "what brings people to social
work and supports their career choice is basically the desire to help people and to ease their
suffering, the will to fight against injustice, as well as confidence in one's interpersonal relations
skills" ( p . 150).
Sass, (1998) describes how power can be perceived as violence when peoples' experiences
are ignored within their work environments. "And here "power" is invested in the "official"
language which may or may not be relevant to the worker or workers who are suffering. "These
procedures and routinization of employee behaviour of the 'body' by discipline is a violence to
the employee's sense of worth, self-esteem and dignity" (pp. 18-19).
Regardless of the situation, when a social worker, whether seasoned or inexperienced,
relocates to a new community to practice, from the start, her ability to do good social work is
often impeded structurally and by internal forces over which she has no control. Further to this,
social workers in rural, northern, and remote communities must possess the skills of care-giver,
problem solver, counselor and community activist (Henning, 2006, p. 38). How is she able to
advocate for her clients, assist them and in any way help them avoid "unnecessary suffering"
when she has not been provided an opportunity to adapt and integrate into her new community?
Such structural disregard of "compassion and humanity" for the social worker exemplifies the
nature of violence against social workers from within the profession as described earlier.
An exploratory study by Schmidt (2002) addresses social worker retention in northern
communities. He used a small urban sample for comparison purposes. Data was collected from

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social workers and supervisors. Focus group interviews, anonymous survey questionnaires, and
private, individual interviews were the data collection methods used to elicit the responses. The
social workers complaints included high work loads and the "implications for worker stress and
burnout" (p.121). The supervisors' comments also emphasized that frequent staff turnover
created staff shortages that resulted in poor morale, high stress, and burnout among workers."
Supervisors' comments related the ongoing staff shortages to "short-term budget
considerations" (p. 111).
Overall, this study links worker retention to safe work environments. The relationship
between safety and retention was connected to reasonable case loads, and supportive working
environments. Also noted was that due to the high worker turnover, and worker inexperience,
supervisors had less time to develop their own clinical supervision skills, and as well, less time
was able to be spent providing worker consultation. Schmidt's study supports the argument that
(female) social workers are experiencing structural gender-violence in the workplace, as the
complaints included burn out, large case-loads, inadequate supervision and consultation, and
working in isolation. Schmidt's findings included that professionals should be effectively
prepared for what they were walking into, have training/experiences to develop a northern
focus, receive added incentives and benefits to help them adapt their practice to northern
contexts (2002, as cited in Transken, 2004, p. 5).
The combination of funding constraints and increased and intensified service needs
contributes to very stressful day-to-day working conditions, with high burn-out. The
additional toll on workers in rural or northern settings, often serving high proportions of
very high need clients, is a particular area of concern.. .there is also an increasing eradication
of a coherent service, with the removal of a supervisory role for a professional social worker.

93

This increases the isolation and uncertainty of the day-to-day work of the social services
employee (CASW, 1996, p. 11).
It is my opinion that these oppressive structures are the source of the unhealthy working
environments social workers are subjected to presently. Schmidt (2000) refers to Collier's (1993)
"criticism of current practice and approaches" (p.343). Schmidt argues that Collier was not
proposing a new model and that his argument was based in Marxism and developed from an
urban context. I must point out that if we do not examine the challenges within the social work
profession from a structural standpoint, then we risk blaming individuals for their circumstances.
Regardless of whether we utilize an urban or rural social work model, if we do not first
acknowledge the structures that determine and govern our practice, we are effectively
immobilized and disabled.
Schmidt (2000) also discusses the ecological approach as presented by Delaney (1995),
critiquing its urban origin and ultimately ill fit within northern practice. Schmidt's conclusion
notes the need for a model of practice specific to the north that would address issues of
retention, integration and supervision as these concepts relate to both economic factors and a
multidisciplinary approach. Although this article relates to service delivery and social work
practice in northern communities, its relevance to my paper is important because it addresses the
issues that reinforce structural violence and oppression experienced by women, specifically in
regard to health/wellness, within the social work profession, and obviously in relation to
working in northern, rural, and remote communities.
E X P L O R I N G T H E L I T E R A T U R E : PART III
CUNTROL: Socially Constructed Female
Are We There Yet? Connecting the dots...
Is there a relationship between trauma, oppression, female socialization and women's health
within the health care professions, including social work? Or might it be simply by chance that

94

female social workers who have experienced invisible illness/disability at some point within their
careers in social work have also described experiences of disdain, disenchantment, and
abandonment within the profession and further, they have also disclosed previous experiences
of abandonment, oppression, marginalization and gender violence?
As one might assume, from the manner in which I have directed these questions, I subscribe
to the belief that there are linkages between the oppressive and marginalizing nature of our
society's socialization of females and the fact that women tend to migrate towards professions of
caring such as nursing, teaching and social work. Benoit, (2000) writes, "yet in the prestigious
fields of natural science, engineering, and mathematics, women remain very much the minority,
and in those occupations in which women have made significant inroads (such as management
law and medicine), there persists the glass ceiling" (p-72). Perhaps it is plausible that "female
socialization that used to chain women to the stove and crib may have performed an incomplete
metamorphosis and bound them instead to professions considered helping" (Bruce, 2007,
personal conversation) 25.
This research is my initial effort to explore the intersections of, and perhaps expose the
possibilities of relationships between previous, first-hand experiences of marginalization and
oppression, including trauma, neglect, abuse, poverty and abandonment, which might preclude
dis/abled women to similar experiences of gender violence within their social work employment.
This thesis research journey is not entirely unlike graduate school, where more formalized,
collective teachings are, in fact, unlearning what we know and awakening to the diverse
perspectives of others. "We are engaged in the experience of conscious-raising" (Freire, 1973).

25

Jim is the primary librarian at NVIT. He is also Metis and is a dedicated scholar and activist in his community
both academically and within the social and artistic realms. I am proud to know him and to call him one of few
trusted friends. He is often called upon for his wisdom.

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W o m e n / Health / Illness / B o d y I m a g e / Media Influence
"An enemy is like a treasure found in my house won without labor of mine; I must cherish
him, for he is a helper in the way of Enlightenment" (Santi-Deva, as cited in Zweig & Abrams,
1991, p. 194). And "as repugnant as the idea may seem, we need enemies. Human life seems to
thrive and depend upon them" (p. 195). I have used the metaphor of illness/disability as an
enemy, to help us better understand the "nest of complex personal, socioeconomic and political
nexus of the meanings and experiences" thereof (Coburn, D'arcy & Torrance, 1998, p. 164; also
see Kleinman 1986; Kleinman, 1987).
Anderson, Blue, & Lau (1998) described how failure to acknowledge the "social context of
illness conceals unequal class relationships (also see Li, 1988), and institutionalized inequities in
society and results in the exclusion of those who are most in need of care" (p. 182). In other
words, they suggest that "the very ideology that promotes self-care, excludes the possibility of
self-care by the socially disadvantaged" (p. 182). And also despite the increasing need for
health/social programs and services, budgets continue to be slashed in these areas leaving many
of the people requiring services are unable to access/afford them. "Because of the rural locality
that I lived in I was having to drive two hours twice a week in order to see my psychiatrist in a
near by community" (2009, participant interview, Kali).
Interestingly, in conjunction with the cessation of programs/services, a present initiative in
BC health care, as seen widely on television, is that citizens become more active in their own
health care. Anderson, Blue, & Lau (1998) explain that the result should be that "they come to
rely less on health care professionals" (p.165; also see Steiger & Lipson 1988, p. vii). But for
many women who claim to have attempted self-advocacy, actualizing this initiative has been
typically met with less than enthusiasm or validation by their British Columbian physicians. This
powerlessness is illustrated in the following excerpt from a participant's poem:

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We'll decide who procreates We'll decide with whom you'll mate Right bitch? Right Bitch!
We'll decide your access to birth control.. .Abortion what kind of birth <r#»/ro/will be
available to you Right bitch? Right Bitch! You think you want your tubes tied But you're
young yet Still in your prime child bearing years You may not think so now.. .But One day
you'll meet someone a real nice fella You'll fall in love you'll make babies And you'll like it
Right bitch? Right Bitch! We'll decide where you will work When H o w or If you'll get
promoted Right bitch? Right Bitch (2003, Hel)\
Another participant stated that when she brought literature to a physician in the USA, she
was congratulated for her proactive attempt to learn about her illness, and he in fact, noted the
reference information from her, as it was from authors he respected, and he had not yet
purchased this book for his own reference purposes. She brought the same information to
physicians/surgeons (in several BC communities). Her regular GP told her it was "not his area
of specialization" and she would have to "discuss it with the surgeon". Six months later (and a
couple of years already into the illness, still waiting for treatment) her surgeon blatantly refused
("rolled his eyes and huffed") to acknowledge the book (and medical journal articles), as
frequently did other BC physicians and surgeons in the years to follow (2009, participant
interview, Hel).
Two years ago, after a "particularly long and bad night", a participant collapsed onto her bed
at 7am, sobbing and sweat drenched. Her (now ex) boyfriend searched her phone and called her
surgeon (in the community 12 hours south) to plead on her behalf for treatment. The phone
call "became heated", as her boyfriend became frustrated. He received litde empathy from the
surgeon, who instead asked if his own abilities were in question and he stated that all his patients
were suffering and that she would just have to wait like everyone else, and that she had already
been placed ahead of some of his other patients. The surgeon also told the boyfriend that she

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would never be fixed. At this point, the boyfriend uttered some loud profanities at the surgeon,
and hung up his eel phone. She immediately called her doctor for "damage control" and was
reassured not to worry and that "these types of things happen all the time, as patients become
emotional and upset" (2009, participant interview, Hel).
Several months later she learned that the surgeon had contacted the RCMP, and a letter had
been sent to the college of physicians and surgeons advising them of the situation, wherein he
felt his life had been threatened, and would therefore have nothing further to do with her care.
She returned to her G P who this time chastised her and asked what did her boyfriend think he
was doing? She begged him to contact the surgeon to have him reconsider, as she had done
nothing wrong, and she had already waited 6 years for surgery! She received a second letter
restating the original decision that she find another surgeon. She has still not received adequate
treatment, and continues to advocate on her own behalf, after recently being abandoned by the
MP office (for matters relating to an ongoing student loan battle, interwoven with issues of
disability), who told her it is in her best interest to handle the matter herself.
Meekosha (1999) writes: "We all have bodies, but not all bodies are equal, some matter
more than others: some are quite frankly, disposable" (p. 172). It seems that here in BC, the
reality women describe includes situations where they are ignored, unrecognized, laughed at,
yelled at and some even reported that physicians were indignant when they were questioned
regarding surgical and medical matters. Participants stated that when they asked to see
specialists they were refused access.
I asked to see a gynecologist so I could find out if my vaginal tissue had been further
compromised by the significant delay/lack of treatment to my intestines. I was told that I
had already seen one 2 years previously and so the referral was denied. I had had cervical
cancer several years previously, and combined with my extensive family history of cancer-

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related deaths, I have legitimate concerns especially due to the amount of bleeding and pain I
am dealing with as well as the serious delays in medical treatment.. .(2009, participant
interview, He/).
A participant shared similar sentiment in this statement: "Somehow if a man had a lump the
size of a walnut attached to his balls I am sure that there would be a speedy resolution" (2009,
participant interview, Venus). These women's experiences reflect an overall description of being
treated and punished like naughty children. All of them describe various methods of tiptoeing
around the situations, fearfully attempting not to make matters worse. This is exactly the same
way women in abusive households describe dealing with abusive partners! ChaChaCrowBear
describes this violence:
This bitch REFUSED to let me go upstairs in a wheelchair after admittance... (names
deleted) were floored and arguing for the damn chair, and I got up and said shhhhhhhhhhh,
I would fight for my children but I was toooo sick to fight sooo I told them to quit, I would
walk, I knew they would/could be meaner to me upstairs later (2009, participant interview).
Meekosha (1999) writes "the social-constructionist approach to female embodiment suggests
that 'it is not biology per se but the ways in which the social system organizes and gives meaning
to biology that is oppressive to women'" (p. 174). Meekosha, (1999) discusses the interesting
phenomena of how society worships some female bodies but is repulsed by others. She suggests
that "rather than being marginal to contemporary difference theory, these questions go to the
heart of our understanding of the body in the social world (p. 163):
Disabled bodies.. .remain unexplored. For example, bodies that have been transformed by
disease or accident, or those considered 'monstrous' as to be hidden from view, are not
considered the proper territory of feminist scholarship. Similarly the inability to urinate,

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defecate and endure spasticity, nausea and pain—conditions that may require medical
interventions, drugs or prostheses—is rarely analysed by body theorists (pp. 166-167).
Don't They Listen?
"Can't they hear me what I am saying Medications Antidepressants For depression But I am
not taking antidepressants D o n ' t they listen" "Why? For diarrhea But I don't have diarrhea! Not
for the past 10 months N o t even when the doctor Wrote the report Tell me why Don't they
listen" (2003, Kelly)? Bennet wrote "the idea that listening is central to the care of patients is an
old one" (2001, p. 50). He described listening is a "channel for empathetic communication",
and offered that it has the "capacity to validate" a patient's feelings about their illness (p. 50).
Venus replied to me after I had sent her a summary of what I understood from her responses.
She expressed surprise that I had actually understood what she had told me and thanked me for
actually listening to her. I found her gracious response to my paraphrasing what she said to be
quite interesting, and it became more profound as feelings of being ignored and misunderstood
are reflected in the responses of all the participants:
I believe that from the beginning of this journey that I wasn't heard by my doctors. I believe
that putting me in the hospital and putting me on heavy sedating medications without any
talk therapy, without the coherence to be able to even say what I was feeling or what I may
have needed for myself, was devastating for me and for my children...(2009, participant
interview, Kali).
One would think that asking intelligent questions, and inquiring about alternative treatments
would be regarded as responsibly taking accountability in one's own health care and that this
would warrant respectful treatment of patients by their physicians. The following quotation is
referenced from an article in the Prince George Free Press: "She was upset at her doctor who
thought she was just a bored housewife when she told him of her constant fatigue... I don't

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have long, she told me, the cancer's in my brain now" (Mallum, 2007, Wednesday, August 15, p.
A7). The physician said, "you're fine" (2009, participant interview, Kali). "The psychiatrist's
first report had errors, my name was spelled wrong, he said I was 41,1 was 5 1 " (2009,
participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear). Kleinman (1980) wrote that "western medicine has
been concerned with the disease rather than the illness" (p. 72, as cited in Bennet, 2001, p. 50).
This is evident in the following participant quote:
H e (the surgeon) was there and I did talk to him. H e asked me my name and if he had seen
me before. I could hardly believe it. I could hardly walk with the kind of pain I was in. I left
the hospital crying. He must have then clued in and pursued me through the waiting area,
calling my name (2009, participant interview, Venus).
And Kleinman described also that "disease refers to the malfunctioning of biological or
psychological processes while illness refers to the psychosocial experience and meaning of
disease as perceived by the sufferer" This depicts the statements of the participants in this
study, as they all spoke to experiences of invisibility and being unheard by their physicians:
I went into my room, put on my wet pajamas from the enema juice, wrapped my litde
cheetah blanket around me, walked down by the river trail, stopped to Howl/Cry and
walked home. The diagnosis was.. .dieritus??? no bigger word.. .yu know what I mean????
This was after Woman doctor left and I got one a young white SouthAfrican b o y z — I saw
him 5 days after hospital discharge and he did not remember me!!!!! Well, I did look like shit
in the hospital. Lol (2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
Says Who?
This paper is a study of women's subjective experiences with invisible illness/disability
throughout her career working within the social work profession. Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi
(2008) write that ".. .many individuals... may experience disability as a disruption or frustration

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to normal participation, this experience is not regarded as a collective one" (p.66; also see
Titchkosky, 2008; 2007; 2005; & 2003). It is a study about the intersections between invisible
gender, disability, and structural/institutionalized violence and oppression. Meekosha, 1999,
stated that "disabled women's bodily experiences are simultaneously mediated through class,
racial, religious or ethnic identity and age" (p. 174). And "nowhere is the problem more acute
than in feminist discourses on the body; their claim to universality corrupted by their
unselfconscious exclusion of disability from their world views" (p. 174). What kind of life did
she lead prior to becoming invisibly disabled? Was she active? Was she responsible for caring for
others? Did she lose any mobility after she became ill? Is she still able to do the things that were
normal to her prior to becoming ill? Does she feel normal?
And on what and according to whom, do we base normal? Regardless of gender, some
people are stronger/weaker than others. How can we know what is normal if there is no base
line from which to gauge it? We do not test healthy people from infancy into old age to
prescribe individual value sets for future reference, in the event they should become ill. Instead
we test people when they are ill and we base these tests on a scale of predetermined normal
range responses. This practice itself is damaging to those who do find themselves maneuvering
through systems trying to get compensation for accidents and the like, as they have no previous
evidence of what once was their normal.
When they re-tested my grip strength after some physiotherapy, they told me it had
recovered to within the normal range. I was unbelievably strong prior to losing the use of
my right arm. Not strong for a girl, but strong.. .1 felt so angry and offended that they
would suggest that my grip strength was normal. Whose normal? My lack of strength was
hardly normal! Yes I had regained range of motion, and strength had recovered somewhat
from the complete lack of use I had endured, but it was and remains, most certainly not even

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close to normal. I still can't even toss a garbage bag into a big bin without help. I used to
help pull transmissions and calves; I moved furniture and won awards for arm wrestling and
throwing baseballs... now I can't even take out the trash! Fuck you.. .normal (2009,
participant interview, He/)\
Meekosha argues that "bodies are not 'natural', but socially produced, reproduced and
culturally inscribed" (1999, p. 169). Much of how women perceive and define themselves is in
direct relation and comparison to what is presented by the media. Those images bombard us
with impossible ideals of beauty and acceptance, including education, lifestyle, medicine, fashion,
health and fitness and the ever increasing fascination with Hollywood. Henning (2006) refers to
similar assertions by Denzin (2002, p. 58) and Walters (1995, p. 40) which "claim that the media
occupy a central place in the background of cultural consciousness and that popular media
representations shape and define cultural identities" (Henning, p. 72). Acknowledging this
reality helps us to understand how it is that the body has become inarguably, central to •women's
oppression. Women's overall identities are shaped by the guidelines that are determined by
North American media standards, and this has implications for women's overall experiences of
violence and oppression, and is especially paramount when she becomes ill:
They have been subject to abuse, invasion, remodeling under the surgeon's knife, regulation,
medicalization, normalization, state intervention and rendered the Other vis-a-vis both nondisabled male bodies and (sometimes) disabled male bodies. For disabled women, the
oppressor may at times be another woman acting as colonizer, regulator or controller
(Meekosha, 1999, p. 170).
Darke writes that "for the disabled, images of themselves are especially important" and that
these images reflect society's perception of disability: "In fact, they are as socially constructed,

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illusionary and functional as any other images" (be they of the oppressed or not) (Darke, 1999,
p. 181):
I felt like the sky was a dark woolen blanket and every day it got closer to my face and was
clouding my mind, my memory and my thoughts. There was a foggy cotton blur in my eyes
when I woke in the morning. My head felt heavy and constandy ached. I was too young, too
happy, too powerful and energetic to feel this way (2009, participant interview, Kali).
The self-image of women who are experiencing dis/ability has the potential to become
distorted based in ableist fear of the "other". We live in a society that places a vast amount of
pressure and emphasis on youth, health and beauty. Illness and disability are the complete
opposite of this. This justifies a position of "other".

"Wrinkles and loose skin... muscle

deterioration and loss.. .mass.. .a foot of hair! used to he.playboy gorgeous.. .still traumatized by
this don't know if I"ll ever recover... my 30s stolen.. .used to look so youthful and I was so
fun.. .I've become a troll..." (2009, participant interview, Hel).
Thus, for a largely 'normal' audience viewing a normality drama, an able-bodied audience's
cultural and social baggage will be almost exclusively rooted in the socially hegemonic
interpretation of impairment as a medical and individual 'problem' to be either overcome or
eradicated (Oliver, 1991; 1996) along with a belief in normality (also see Darke, 1999, p.
191).
It is reasonable to assert that humans fear their own immortality and susceptibility to illness.
"The difference between other minority groups and the disabled is that anyone can become
disabled at any time" (Mackelprang & Salsgiver, 1999, p. 17)26. We can run but we cannot hide
(Meekosha, 1999, p. 164). Also, "disabled women's bodies signify the opposite—dangerous
reproductivity or lack of fecundity or ability to reproduce and hence ugliness (p. 172). Disability

26

Personal Narrative: Abby Kovalsky LCSW.

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touches a place deep within our psyches where our shadowy and vulnerable thoughts recluse. In
this way, disability can be viewed as contemptuous and repulsive. Fear breeds the
marginalization of groups of people who do not conform to the pre-determined standards.
Cultural, cinematic, images of marginalized) social groups—gays, ethnic minorities, women
and the disabled—provide and opportunity to identify and deconstruct many of the nuances,
trends and the stereotypes constructed in them. Such images offer a measure by which we
can identify shifts in social attitudes towards marginalized groups, and an indication of
particular sites of resistance to change. (Darke, 1999, p. 181).
Women struggle, now more than ever, to measure up to these unrealistic and often
impossible standards of suitable female appearance and behaviour. To further complicate this,
Mackelprang & Salsgiver write, "if self-concept has had many years to develop around
Hollywood standards of beauty, the integration of a physical disability that affects mobility
becomes more demanding" (1999, p. 17). Wendell (1996) discusses how women are unequally
represented by disability and that this often results in "early and unnecessary hysterectomies, and
women are also more frequendy supplied with medications. Wendell further suggests that "the
connections between socially induced illnesses such as anorexia an later disabilities, and the
disabling effects of cosmetic or medical interventions are all areas for further research" (p. 117;
also see Meekosha, 1999, p. 179).
Henning (2006) questions how women might more efficiendy manage multiple roles without
"sacrificing our physical and emotional health" (p. 36). Henning also asks how this can be
realized in a "woman-hating society" where it seems that "feminists are blamed for many of
society's problems" (2006, p. 55).
"An anti-woman government agenda has effectively been implemented in the province of
British Columbia, spearheaded by the Minister of State for Women's Equality, Lynn Stephens

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and Premier Gordon Campbell" (CEDAW, as cited in Henning, 2006, p. 59). Gondolf (1988)
writes that "the first patriarchal assumption rooted deep in our society is that problems are
caused by some individualpathology.. .allocating resources to women in a way that would increase
their social status or power is therefore resisted" (p. 24). To further illustrate this, we have the
now infamous KKKtuget blunder, "there is no such thing as women's issues" (Henning, 2006, p.
55), allowing us a glimpse into the dark psyche of society's kitchen, where the 'recipe for violent
silence' simmers in the cauldron.. .In the meantime, funding was cut by 100% to all 37 women's
centres across the province of BC in March, 2003, legal aid cut funding so that only those with
criminal matters were eligible for services. MCFD cut 525 positions (many of which were frontline social workers) from an already depleted system. Privatization was rampant in the health
care sector, composed mainly of women, where we again lost wages, benefits, and job security
(Henning, 2006, p. 56), and years of blood, sweat and tears.
Darke (1999) wrote that "most disability writing to date (populist and academic) is both
limited and focused on illustrating stereotypes that fail to represent the reality and the social
constructionist element of impairment or disability" (p. 181). But reality, as described by women
is such that when we resist and deviate from acceptable societal expectations, frequently the
result is illness. Jack (1991) van der Kolk (1987) and Brown (1994) discuss the potentiality of
(cause and effect) relationships between trauma, depression, and self-silencing behavior and the
neurotransmissions of the brain. (It would be interesting to explore these relationships in more
detail, but that is beyond the scope of this thesis). However, we do know that health problems
tend to lead to loss in productivity, which potentially results in more negative feelings of selfworth, and inadequate functioning, hence creating a cycle of inevitable deterioration in all
capacities, thereby placing increased strain on individuals as well as social programs. And as
women we are well aware of the importance and relevance of the multiple ways in which poverty

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limits access to the services we require and provide 21. Further to this, a study by CASW
28

identifies that "persons with disabilities are more represented in the social services than in the

labour force as a whole" (p. 9).
Darke (1999) refers to Longmore (1987); Klobas (1988); Barnes (1992a); and Norden (1994)
describing stereotypes including the "noble warrior", the "charity cripple", the "curio", the
"freak" and the "Pollyanna" (p. 181). Darke writes also that images of disabled women "have
been equally reductive" (p. 182). An analysis by Cumberbatch and Negrine (1992, as cited in
Darke, 1999, p. 182) identifies that despite a lack of disability theory, the prevalence with which
disability is represented either in a medical context or as something to be overcome in a struggle
to become 'normal' was significant.
Similarly, Norden (1995) identify "stereotypes that held that of a 'freakish' nature" (as cited
in Darke, 1999, p. 182). There is currently a shift towards a multidisciplinary analysis of
disability which is inclusive of cultural, feminist, sociological and disability theories. As Norden
(1995) illustrates, images of disabled people are frequendy portrayed within cinematic and
literary forms. Darke proposes that "abnormality is in every thing, if not in actuality", proposing
that we use this "cultural imagery to define the parameters of normality, not vice versa" and that
this in turn creates the lens through which most "apparendy 'normal people' live their lives"
(1999, p. 183).
Brittan and Maynard (1984) argue that treating 'culture' as static, as an 'objective fact' that
determines illness meanings and the restructuring of life, glosses the harsh reality of poverty and
oppression" (p. 20; also see Anderson, Blue, & Lau, 1998, p. 166). I argue that a huge problem

27
"Over half of all homeless persons are eligible for some type of benefit under these [Social Security] programs.
Yet only a small fcaction-in some areas fewer than 10%-actually receive them." National Law Center on
Homelessness and Poverty, "Social Security: Broken Promises to America's Homeless," March 1990, p. 3, in
Liebow, 1993.
28
BC Women's Centers Call For Federal Action on Anti-Women Agendas. Oct 2003.

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experienced by female social workers who become ill, is that due to the modest wages they are
paid, (especially relevant to the cost of education required to obtain degrees and organizational
registrations, among many other job-related expenses) unless they are fortunate to have a
partner/spouse or roommate to offset the enormous costs of living, they often are unable to
access medical care and necessary treatment.
Money is an important signifier of power. A feminist theory of psychotherapy must address
the role and impact of money on the power dynamics of a therapy relationship.. .current
trends... further oppress and disadvantage working-class poor, and underclass women who
simply do not have the financial resources to pay for therapy (Brown, 1994, p. 39).
Many female social workers are barely scraping by to make ends meet in the first place.
When additional, illness-related expenses arise, this places them in further positions of
disadvantage and incredible stress. This is intensified when they are maneuvering through the
various disability programs that are potentially available through employment agencies and/or
provincial social services. These programs are typically not user friendly and if the illness is not
immediately visible, the experience has been described as abusive: "I was terrified, and forced to
do whatever I was told, including agreeing to a surgery that made my symptoms worse, in case
I'd be cut off from my LTD benefits for "refusing treatment" (2009, participant interview, He/).
Similarly, another participant describes this:
I did not know that short-term disability and long term had two separate application
processes. I just thought it would roll over, I mean it was the same company issuing the
payments. But I didn't find out until I didn't receive my check and then had to jump through
hoops to get my paper work resubmitted and take six more weeks. It was hard not to have
that $250.00 per week (2009, participant interview, Venus)\\

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The participants in this study described an overwhelming sense of powerlessness and financial
despair when illustrating what it was like maneuvering through the various processes.
Not only did I go into debt to revenue Canada but also I owed the provincial government
over $5000.00 in loans because I had to make 3 trips to Vancouver to see specialists and they
paid for the $500.00 per month's worth of medication I was on. Because I was making
$1100.00 per month on disability I was disqualified from welfare assistance because at the
time a single mom with one child received $980.00 per month. I made too much money.
They helped me but they also made me sign loan papers. Looking back at how impaired I
was on narcotics; it is surprising my signature is legal! I had no choice but to sign the
papers.. .so at the end of 18 months I was over $10,000,000 in debt and they came collecting
(2009, participant interview, Venus)\\\.
Frequent, trips to doctors (and specialists), over and above the regular required (scheduled)
appointments are typical requests, and are required of the employee if she wants to continue
receiving disability benefits. Physicians charge fees to complete all forms required for proof of
disability purposes. (Physicians charge to complete these forms. Fees range from approximately
twenty dollars up to almost one-hundred dollars, per form). Grinspun (2000) wrote that
".. .patients are the most disenfranchised individuals within the hospital structure" (as cited in
Gustofson, p. 40). Many women live in communities lacking specialized services so travel
requirements frequently increase for these "administrative" purposes. "Living in the north
meant having to travel for my treatment.. .no compensation, not even a tax break (2009,
participant interview, Venus)\
CASW (1996) indicated that although "average earnings for professional social service
occupations are clearly above the average for the overall Canadian workforce" (p. 7) and despite
that "the educational attainment of persons employed in these occupations within these

109

industries tends to be higher than that of all other industries", with the exception of social
workers "employed in community-based non-institutional social service agencies, who earn less
than the occupational average" (p. 8), social workers pay equity is "lower than for occupations
such as registered nurses and secondary school teachers, (p. 8).
When disability benefits are received, these benefits are a percentage of employees' regular
wages. So if a woman was barely managing on her full wages, she is quickly plummeting further
into debt, the line between herself and complete poverty narrowing with every prescription and
physiotherapy appointment. To further upset things, some extended health benefits plans do
not cover costs completely, and frequently the patient must pay in advance, and submit the
forms for reimbursement. Many women in these positions are simply unable to afford these upfront costs, and are thereby forced to forego necessary treatments and/or prescriptions. This
cycle of disability naturally intensifies, as many women succumb to the incredible stress, despair,
poverty, and hopelessness. "Money does change how one experiences the system, just the stress
level alone is that much less" (2009, participant interview, Venus).
If they were not suffering from depression at the onset, the likelihood increases that they will
become depressed, and their physical symptoms will likely worsen due to increasing
psychosomatic symptoms, created and exacerbated by the oppressive processes through which
she is attempting to maneuver. "The doctors in emergency and in the clinics assumed that I was
a hypochondriac, and that I wanted prescription drugs.. .if they had asked me they would have
learned that I don't even tolerate most medications... they refused to x-ray my shoulder, and
they refused to refer me to a specialist and instead referred me back to my GP, who was 2.5
hours drive away..." (2009, participant interview, He/). Sadly, this sets women up to be further
victimized within the health care system, as they are so frequendy diagnosed with mental
disorders, which then potentially minimizes the original presenting physical symptoms which

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ultimately blames women for their situations and reduces them to "hypochondriacs" or
"psychotic, uncooperative, and non-compliant patients with histories of "stress-related
problems", thereby justifying a lack of adequate and timely health care. Anderson, blue, & Lau,
(1998) write that people require money for healthcare management. This puts socially
disadvantaged people in a position of exclusion. The irony is that those requiring care but are
financially unable to afford it are then labeled as uncooperative, difficult, problematic,
unmotivated, and irresponsible due to the lack of care received (p. 182).
Durand (2003) illustrates that "when a female patient argues that she is not being difficult,
she has, in fact supported the medical professional's assessment that she is indeed a 'difficult'
patient. Leipert (2002) notes that in order to prevent conflict with their physician, women will
often endure situations of prolonged pain and increased debilitation while waiting for diagnosis
and treatment. For example, Venus describes this:
".. .(he physically ran his finger across his belly where the incision would be made!) and he
would do it next week! I left feeling horrible not knowing how to process any of it. I was yet
again humiliated in public yet I was in so much pain I felt I had no choice..." (2009,
participant interview).
In comparison to a study by Stevens (1993) where female patients were found to have been
"more likely to be ignored, scolded, patronized, categorized as 'difficult' patients, subjected to
sexist and racist remarks, and provided fewer explanations of the health care they are receiving"
(p. 18), Durand (2003) suggests that labeling women as "depressed" serves the same purpose of
"silencing" them. She also refers to Trypuc (1994), who describes women's sub-standard health
care as "because of their upbringing and conditioning" and because "girls are taught not to
question, to be unaggressive, and to defer to men and to authority figures" (p. 260, as cited).

Ill

In her interview, Hel (2009) described that because her illness had been going on now for
several years, people questioned why and what was taking so long and that she still wasn't fixed.
Several friends and family asked if she had offended the doctors. She was berated with
statements from friends such as, "I broke my leg, I went to the doctor and just like that, it got
fixed, but look at you, you're still sick. What is wrong with you? Why aren't you fixed yet? What
did you do to piss them off? I don't have any trouble with doctors, why cant you get them to fix
you?" She notes that a couple of her male friends boldly asked her if her doctor was ugly and
that maybe she (the doc) was jealous of her looks (2009). However, interestingly, she notes that
most of her physicians have been male and that of only four female doctors/specialists, only one
specialist was harshly abusive. Two of the most knowledgeable and helpful of those four were
still interns and had little power in the hierarchy. And one female specialist and one male
psychiatrist have been most supportive, overall throughout her journey.
In an interesting discussion about female aggression, Shaw & Lee, 2004 write that "women
bond with other women, and yet our strongest aggressions and our most frightening hostilities
may be directed against other women" (p. 41). This remains an intriguing phenomenon and it
has been described as a remaining fragment of the "ancient primate and neo-hominid selves and
of our inherent strategic plasticity, the desire to keep all options open" (p. 142). It is exacdy this,
that lends itself to the "divide and conquer" tactics that are systemically and socially
implemented to keep women (and other groups) competing among themselves for scraps. In
this manner, the larger issues slip by in relative obscurity. Sadly for us, by the time the diversion
is recognized, we have exhausted each other.
If I had been 'deceitfuland dishonest''as the Pacific Blue Cross insurance bitch on the phone
called me, I would have known to go to an ER, and I would have received the reparative
surgery in Seatde, in April, 2005. But due to my naivety, (and because my experiences up

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here had so far been so unproductive, I didn't really think showing yet another bunch of
nurses and doctors my rectum was warranted) so I went instead back to the doctor I had
seen a month previously for the tests (for which I had already waited 3 years in BC, and due
to anticipated waitlist movement, was expected to wait yet another 3 years to receive)! I was
hopeful that he could help me push my intestines back inside, and that perhaps he had the
test results back. Finally, after 2 weeks of me laying on a bed, pushing my gaping, bleeding,
mangled intestines back inside with warm towels, in a hotel in Seattle, BC Medical
authorized one tenth of the cost, a whopping $2000.00! They allotted $50.00 per night in the
hospital. (Our costs here in BC at that time exceeded these 'discount bargain basement'prices).
For two weeks, the Seattle hospital searched their out-of-country programs, (the surgeon
waived his own fee) and came up with a package for me to reduce the $60,000.00 cost down
to $25,000.00USD. (The Canadian dollar was only approx $0.75 at that time). The package
included 5 nights' stay in hospital, 3 months post operative care (and laparoscopic incision,
"unless they ran into unforeseen challenges warranting a traditional cut"), and most
importandy, RESPECT. But because PBC decided that I went to Seattle specifically to get
surgery, they refused to authorize payment of insurance benefits further claiming that my
situation was "non-emergency" and that it was "cosmetic". The woman on the phone also
indignandy said to me "for someone in such dire straights, you certainly seem animated"! If
I could have reached through the phone at that moment I would have grabbed that ignorant
cunt by the throat and ripped her eyeballs out, tied them to a 5 lb bowling ball, and shoved
them out her asshole to see if she liked how it felt!!! breathing.. .lol so due to this claim
refusal, all my other insurance providers followed suit and denied payment for any portion
of the procedure....fast forward to 2009... my intestines and other organs remain detached,
gaping, un-silendy bleeding out.. .(2009, participant interview, Hel).

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Premonition of Betrayal: Disability/Illness/Health
Goodness can be conceived as health. The linguistic root of "health" connects with "whole."
Evil is then sickness—to be cured, made whole rather than destroyed in the way of the warmaker. Through making ourselves whole we find the way toward the goodness of peace, the
fitting together of shalom. And at the core of that is coming to peace with our being the
imperfect, sinful creatures that we are (Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 191).
Jordan (1997) writes that of the depressed women studied by Weissman and Paykel, some
were more hostile and angrier than the women in the control group, which did not support a
previous assumption that "depression is a consequence of repressed anger" (p. 230). Jordan
describes that "some women have difficulty expressing their anger 29 but that anger erupts more
forcefully for some women as they become less defended and more depressed in response to
significant life events" (p. 231). "I feel such intense rage.. .so much anger.. .it's like I am going
completely mad.. .1 just want my life, (a life) back" (2009, participant interview, He/).
Bartky (1990) writes that "many feminists are perpetually wary lest their own anger be
transformed explosively into aggressive or hostile behavior of the sort which would be
imprudent or even dangerous to display" (1990, p-19). ".. .1 try not to be offensive or share too
much cuz people often get so overwhelmed lol.. .not much success with that lol (2009,
participant interview, Hel). Bartky also explains that "characteristic of this kind of consciousness
too is the alteration of a heightened awareness of the limitations placed on one's free
development with a duller self-protecting sensibility without which it would be difficult to
function in a society like our own" (p. 19). And she further describes that "wariness" is the

29

Refer to Appendices (Supplements) Section "Anger" piece represents some of the messages that I found in my
research. Interestingly this piece was apparently meant to address women's anger. Although I like what it says, and
I do not believe that anger resulting in violence is a viable solution to difficulties, I do believe that as an emotion,
anger has positive qualities. Anger expressed constructively is capable of instilling creativity and productivity.
Women have been socialized no to express anger, and this has proven itself to be damaging to women's overall
mental health.

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"anticipation of the possibility of attack, of affront or insult, of disparagement, ridicule, or the
hurting blindness of others" (p. 18) and that women "must be always on the alert lest her
pervasive sense of injury provoke in her without warning some public display of emotion, such
as violent weeping, which she would rather suppress entirely or else endure in private" (p. 19).
Hel speaks of anger:
Rage is an emotion with which I have shared a very intimate relationship my entire life. My
struggle has been learning effective ways to contain it and to utilize it in a productive, nonviolent manner. And I am grasping right now for methods of managing these violent
thoughts.. .1 recall a dream where bizarre, grotesque visions of intestines and blades,
sinister, seemingly insane-like smiling, dancing, hacking, carving, playing and laughing while
blood stains the floor as bodies collapse, whirling through my mind..." (2009, participant
interview).
I believe these dream descriptions reflect what Terr (1999) offers us regarding post traumatic
play in that it "spreads into society and creates dreams, fears, and more play in its wake" (p. 203).
Our subconscious minds react to these real, lived experiences and threats of further terror that
invisible illness/disability have instilled. The participant describes fear that she will become
destitute and that her life is at the mercy of her disability. The deep fears that erupt for her
evoke a hostile reaction that would be impossible (illegal and immoral) to act upon in reality.
Dreams, however, not only reinforce her fears, but also allow her to entertain murderous
behaviour within the safety and confines of her own mind. It seems that these dreams are in
some way a buffer between reality and fantasy, and help maintain some balance between these
two realms. These dreams represent the dark side of the psyche, preventing her from having to
repress undesirable feelings entirely, allowing her instead to express and honour them, without
fear of societal, and criminal persecution.

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Zweig & Abrams (1991) suggest that "premonitions" might serve to somehow motivate us
into altered states of "pre-morbidity" wherein we are able to acknowledge and perhaps embrace
thoughts that we otherwise suppress and repress, enabling us a safer alternative by which to
process our darker less 'appropriate' thoughts. "Even though the process can easily leas us
astray and, thereby, evoke illness, it also provides us with the understanding for the very reverse,
namely, how genius thrives in the dung of pre-morbidity" (Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 95). The
following rant is a provocative and gritty self-reflective piece:
Undressed N u m b to this ever present and increasing UnCUMfortable Probing Questions
Fingers Cold metal appliances Humble ? Necessary apologies for UnCUMfortable
professional physical and verbal Intrusions It's fine I say- reASSuring Them of their cautious
necASSary but brief embarrassment I've beCUM quite numb down there.. .By now Years of
UnCUMfortable unsolicited Verbal and physical probing intrusions Societal's Sexual norms
Moral taboos Quite evident although obscure even in this sterile medical environment
Perhaps some illicit deepHER darkHER hidden perverse pleasure Observed Experienced
within this sterile medical zone Some Jungian sociological AnalASSis? Ineresting that in my
tate, girly altruistic manner I feel the need The compulsion to comfort Them whilst they poke
prod and probe me verbally and physically My Abusers I tell them "it's ok" "It's not so bad"
After all I have beCUM quite numb down there by now.. .Really But what about that? Those
hidden repressed emotional sensations Separate from the simply physical tactile mechanical
processes? Is it really ok? Am I really numb? I ask these questions... It might seem so upon
initial glance and first visit but Detatched & Dissociated Split & Spaced Out totally
Fragmented from this here and now Depersonalized and still Traumatizing examination 30

30

Reference Burstow, B (1992).
Why is it that women are subjected to regular examinations of such degradation but men are not? Men are not
violated routinely in such an intrusive manner. We are told it is for cancer screening, yet men get cancer "below the

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Ever Coping with the UnCUMfortable Probing AnalASSes N u m b from the Novacained and
bandaid prescriptions offered for symptoms Misunderstood and Maltreated The practitioner
quite UnCUMfortable with his/her UnKnowledge in this area While managing to maintain
however futiley Some aura of arrogant Power and CUNTrol Effective Domination over this
process of UnCUMfortable probing (2004, Het).
"The heart of darkness is our own heart. There is a comfort in demoni2ing the most
monstrous and destructive among us, as if their being a different kind of creature made their
example irrelevant to ourselves" (Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 190). "but recognizing even a truly
demonic enemy as made of the same stuff as we is part of the true 31 path toward peace" (p. 190).
.. .the feminist anti-racist scholars around me affirmed my right to feel and express anger
while discussing the unfortunate human realities of oppression. I have had a lot of anger to
write about/with/through and OISE made my feminism sparkle in a fiercely excited and
often joyful bright fuchsia-red (Transken, 2008, p. 215)!
Women Invisible Illness/Disability/Aging
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, We should find in each man's life,
sorrow and suffering Enough to disarm all hostility" (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, as cited in
Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 194). Meekosha (1999) writes "disabled women's bodily experiences
are simultaneously mediated through class, racial, religious or ethnic identity and age" (p. 174).

belt", too. We are told also that it is to screen sexually transmitted diseases. Young men are sexually active, yet they
are not forced to expose their genitals or otherwise have their birth control held hostage. It seems to me that our
young women (those who need/use birth cuntrol) are being used as the markers of sexually transmitted disease and
procreation cuntroi'whde the rest of the population is free to spread and sow their seeds at large...
31
Sark. (1998). The bodacious book of succulence: Daring to live your succulent wild life! New York: Simon &
Schuster. Sark, wrote, "I often find it agonizing to tell or hear the truth, and will lie to myself to avoid knowing it"
(p. 66). "The outcome of telling the truth is not the point. We cannot adjust our truth according to how the person
will respond. Telling the truth faster enables us to live more freely, lightly, and powerfully ourselves" (p. 67). I
believe that in acknowledging my true, dark feelings, my shadow, as represented in my dreams, I am able to free
myself from the potential negative consequences of repression. I also believe that due to the subjective nature of
truth, it is difficult for people to distinguish from the reality of the truth and what their own agenda might prescribe
as the truth. I think this is the element that sets us up in such a way as to be vulnerable to the psychological tactics
employed by our enemies.

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Li (1988) argues the "restructuring of life to accommodate a chronic illness does not take place
in a vacuum independent of the social context. The disruption of life, and the search for new
meanings, are enmeshed in the ideological frameworks that permeate the health care system"
(Anderson, Blue, & Lau, 1998, p. 182). Wright (1992) writes that "in old age women are subject
to a double marginality at the very least (p. 184). And Meekosha (1999) argues that due to the
notion of uselessness and a burden to society disabled women ("in greater numbers than men")
are often "warehoused and incarcerated in prisons, hospitals, nursing homes and a multitude of
institutions" and that "disabled and elderly women constitute the majority of residents of
nursing homes (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 1993, p. 236 as cited, p. 178).
"I am an aging, poor, divorced, female person with a disability, living in a society where
value is placed upon gender, youth, and productivity" (2009, participant interview, He/). "Recent
statistics suggest a staggering 71 percent of the nation's 4 million elderly poor are women
because they do not retire with enough money" (Henning, 2006, p. 61). It is also notable, as
Henning (2006) writes, "many women are forced to leave their jobs in order to care for children
or elderly parents, and unfortunately the economic reality of absence from the workplace is that
long-range financial priorities take a backseat to immediate needs" (p. 62). Sadly, there is still no
financial compensation for the labour performed largely by women, inside our homes, and
outside of the productive, capitalist economic spheres. Henning (2006) describes that "it is
unacceptable that the people who provide care for the vulnerable, weak, and oppressed do not
get any financial remuneration or government benefits but instead are accused of not
contributing to society" (p. 62; also see Young, 2002, p. 51).

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I walk the fine line of poverty and homelessness 32 every day. In fact there is but a thin fiber
separating me from the many homeless women on the streets, and I have yet to clearly
define what constitutes that thread. Is it education? Is it luck? Is it a vehicle payment?
Perhaps it is the availability of social supports to rescue me when I am destitute? Quite
frankly, there are days when the reality of my un/existence terrifies me.. .1 am worth more
dead.. .as long as my son manages to collect the life insurance lol (2009, participant
interview, He/).
Walker (1987) suggests that "gender is one of the clearest lines along which the economic
and social experience of old age is divided" (p. 178; also see Baines, Evans & Neysmith, 1991, p.
189). Neysmith (1984) states: that "poor old women are not exotic plants that live in the special
conditions of retirement-rather, poor old women are perennials, their roots are laid down in
youth, their poverty merely comes into full flower later in life" (p. 17; also see Baines, Evans &
Neysmith, 1991, p. 189). Wright (1992) wrote "the consequences of the dread of ageing for
feminism itself need to be addressed" (p. 147). And Barbara Macdonald (1983) argues:
the emphasis on sisterhood, reinforces and produces mistrust and divisions between younger
and older women: 'youth is bonded with patriarchy in the enslavement of the older woman.
There would, in fact, be no youth culture without the powerless older woman' (p. 39; also
see Wright, 1992, p. 147).
Women Invisible Illness/Disability/ Sexual Identity
Sexist images of all women have become alarmingly visible in our society. "Lookism"
(Transken, 2004) or the "politics of appearance" as outlined in Shaw & Lee (2004, p. 59) is
rampant as a basis for both inclusion and exclusion. Women's sub-citizen social positioning

32

There is something ironic, a little sad, and surely significant in the fact that most of the frontline persons who
have so much power over the homeless people are themselves relatively powerless in their dealings with others
(Liebow, 1993, p. 139).

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within this voyeuristic submissive framework forces us to refer to appearance in such a ways not
exclusive to marketing ourselves for financial benefit, such as in employment or status.
When we become disabled, this new sexuality potentially lends itself to displacement within
our own psyches as disabled bodied are viewed with both fear and repulsion. Certainly the
severity of this displacement is subjective in regards to the nature of the illness/disability and its
symptoms and the manner in which we are debilitated. But also, perhaps more importantiy,
although I have not seen literature discussing the subjective nature of disability, it also is cruicial
to note how a particular woman positions herself within the sexual sphere. Does she depend on
her body and physical appearance/ beauty to help her in life? How intensely does she rely on
the opinions and objectifications of others to help her fit into her world? Does she base her
self-acceptance on her own ability to perform within the male-female roles as directed by
society? Meekosha, (1999) suggests that "sexuality is part of the disability experience, even if
repressed, violated or denied" (pp. 168-169). She adds:
desire and eroticism are a central part of these analyses, yet rarely do they consider the
disabled body worthy of examination.. .The embodied experience of disabled people leads to
contesting normalcy on many fronts—sexuality, political representation and power, the
meaning of work, medical practices—as well as contesting the very meanings of body
identity (Meekosha, 1999, p. 175).
Wright (1992) refers to D e Beauvoir (1978, p. 184) expressing that "the connection between
sexuality and identity" must be examined and she asks if there is any more appropriate place
than from the lived experiences of women (Wright, 1992). Wright examines this from a
"gerontophobic" analysis, proposing that "as men see it, a woman's purpose in life is to be an
erotic object, when she grows old and ugly she loses the place allotted to her in society: she
becomes a monstrum that excites revulsion and even dread" (pp. 146-147).

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The literature illuminates that a disgusting double standard exists in our society making it
possible for women to be valued based on the usefulness or utility of our genitalia and body
parts (to the male gender). It seems that our culture has defined it simply that we women must
be making babies with our vaginas, pushing babies out of our vaginas or we had better be
making (men) more money with our vaginas. "There are parallels between the embodiment of
disability and the embodiment of gender. Women's bodies and disabled male bodies are
reduced to their biological (lack of) functioning; as deficient, as not able-bodied males"
(Meekosha, 1999, p. 173). : Venus (2009, participant interview) wrote the following:
I love my ovaries and uterus and despite their struggles with endometriosis, they have lasted
twenty years being diseased and have served their purpose of hormonal balance. I think that
my reproductive organs are possibly the strongest part of my body to have endured what
they have. (I am just having these thoughts for the first time as I write this, I knew that deep
down inside this exercise/survey would be therapeutic)!
The Productive Female
"You steal our labour-power and you steal our bodies. We don't receive the money we are
entitled to for the work we do—whether in the workplace, the home or in bed" (Brantenburg,
1985, p. 228). Eichler, Larkin, & Neysmith (2002) write that "utopian thought is rooted in
discontent.. .For many writers, the goal of Utopian thought is the presentation of radically
different ways of being that can provide momentum for social change" (p. 9). Driedger (2001)
writes, "the problem is that the capitalist system was founded on the productivity of workers.
Sick and disabled people, may not be able to produce what "normals" do" (p. 322; also see
Lavigne, Burke, & Lemonde, 2001). Meekosha (1999) discusses how beauty, health, and
reproduction dominate our society reflecting an able-bodied, and caucasion ethnicity.

She

further describes how illness can effectively steal a woman's utility (in such a society), in that her

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ability to reproduce is a measuring stick of value. And Meekosha argues further that women are
already disadvantaged by their "subordinate status in society" (p. 174).
As in my own experience and from the descriptions of the participants in this study, it is
quite likely that health problems tend to create (degrees of) lack of productivity. We are valued
in our patriarchal society on our ability to produce. With our able bodies we work, generating
income for large corporations. And with our able bodies we create life, ultimately sustaining the
future of the human race. Without able bodies, our value decreases. And as (aging) women, loss
of production quite likely is experienced both professionally, as we are displaced in our
employment, as well as personally as we lose the ability to reproduce physically/sexually. This
concept of displacement has potential for further negative impact on our overall health and well
being as we ponder in our minds trying to make sense of and find new meanings for our
different, dis/abled selves.
Lifting the F o g
"But if a woman 'far from home' surrenders all power, she will become first a fog, then a
vapor, and finally a wisp of her former wildish self... Most of a woman's depressions, ennuis,
and wandering confusions are caused by a severely restricted soul-life in which innovation,
impulse, and creation are restricted or forbidden" (Pinolka Estes, 1992, p. 274).
The categorizing of females within society is both interesting and confusing to me. It is my
opinion that women are categorized into the simple roles of mothers, wives, or whores. (There
are exceptions to this notion, but these women are exceptional). "Gloria Steinem believes that
women get more radical with age because they become less valuable—their merits as sex objects
are diminished, their function as breeders depleted—as time goes on" (Wurtzel,1998, p. 29).
"Losing her gender , a girl may well miss the chance to sign up for the 'unfair gender contract',
in which she provides domestic, sexual, and personal caring for others, particularly a man, in

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return for some opportunities to be cared for by others" (Baines, Evans & Neysmith, 1991, p.
127).
Invisible dis/ability makes me think of one the most derogatory statements regarding
women that I have heard. I think of the term "useless cunt." I ponder this from time to time.
I am no longer a wife. And I am not a whore. Where do I fit into society's definition of
female person? I used to take some bizarre comfort in the fact that if ever my financial state
became completely bleak, I could at least become a prostitute, but that ironic comfort has
been stolen from me also... nature of my disability, I couldn't be a prostitute if I wanted to.
It is as though all that I have learned to attribute to being female is lost. Without the
"productivity" of my genitals, what is my value as a female? My usefulness as a person,
regardless of gender, is void. I have become the epitome of a 'useless cunt' despite that I
have challenged people in my lifetime that there really is no such thing, I now believe on
some level that indeed there is, and I am "it." (2009, participant interview) I have crossed
over to the dark side of my shadow self33. Pain and illness have distorted my thoughts. I no
longer have cuntrolover my body due to the nature of this grotesque disability, and I question
my usefulness to society. I am soul-wounded, walking dead, no longer human (2009,
participant interview, He/).
"This experience is a kick in the crotch!.. .1 have become something dirty.. .like a yeastinfection or douche commercial.. .1 have become unclean" (2009, participant interview, Hel).
"Wash yourself thoroughly down there and spray a bit of my rose petal spray around your penis
and shamebag, so it doesn't smell bad...Menwim have to wash themselves carefully and
frequendy, because they smell so rank" (Brantenberg, 1985, p. 13).

33

Just to let you know that this paper was written largely in psychic darkness. Thankfully, today I am feeling more
connected to the topside world, the lighter, less damning side of my psyche. I didn't want you to send in the "white
coats..."

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I have no cuntrol over the physicians or the direct the health care I require and receive... I am
completely at the mercy of our system, and a body that have none. And the place I find
myself in when I wake up is very dark, and not at all how social work is supposed to look...
Yet, upon closer examination of what social work really looks like, perhaps I am not so far
from that truth (2009, participant interview, Hel)

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CHAPTER THREE
METHODOLOGIES
A Cultural Studies Bricolage
Cultural studies is an emerging body of knowledge in Canada that developed in the U K out
of Marxism, structuralism, feminism, and from literary sociological and anthropological domains
(Hartley, 2002, p. 49, as cited in Henning, 2006, p. 8). Henning (2006) refers to Barker (1999, p.
114) when she defines cultural studies as "theoretically valuable because it opens doors for
critical analysis of North America's customs, habits, technology, values, ideology and political
behavior" (Henning, p. 8). Henning (2006) discusses the importance of cultural studies to
female researchers noting that culture and finance do not operate entirely by the same set of
rules.
"The French word, bricoleur, describes a handyman or handywoman who makes use of the
tools available to complete a task" (Denzin & Lincoln, 2003, p. 252). Kincheloe (2001) offers
that "if hermeneutics came to connote the ambiguity and slipperiness of textual meaning, then
bricolage can also imply the fictive and imaginative elements of the presentation of all formal
research" (p. 680). Transken, (2005) describes cultural studies bricolage as a technique which
allows us to use whatever materials accessible to assist us amidst the chaos (p. 15). She also
frequently and fondly refers to bricolage as a "dog's breakfast".
My research is an examination of the relationships and intersections between gender, class,
disability, power, and oppression from a social and cultural context and therefore, I incorporated
data analysis from a cultural studies, "bricolage" format (Denzin & Lincoln, 2003; Kincheloe,
2001). Utilizing a variety of methodological approaches enabled me to access multiple analyses
from a variety of disciplines, which provided the basis for more complete descriptions of the
experiences explored within this paper. I blended together reflexive auto/ethnographic

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monologues, in the forms of "messy texts" and poetry, as illustrated in Denzin and Lincoln
(2003). Lavigne, Burke & Lemonde (2001) remind us that "the area in the brain called the
Bronca's Centre which affects speech and language is severely inhibited by trauma which can
'freeze' us into a state of anxiety" (p. 232). They describe how the process of "writing about
traumatic and other important experiences can help us understand and deal cognitively as well as
emotionally with these experiences, and move on with the flow of our lives (p. 232; also see
Driedger, 2001).
I agree with Denzin (1997) in reference to Richardson (1994b) when he describes the
relevance of lyrical poetry in relation to ethnography and lived experience. He suggests that
narrative poems often allow us to understand the deeper meanings within the words and stories
of the author (Denzin, p. 209). Birney (1953) suggests that poems provide heartfelt insight into
the personality of the writer. And Transken (2003) recognizes that poems often describe
difficult and complicated feelings, and by providing the author the ability to delve into her
subconsciousness, poetry essentially captures the essence of the human condition in a more
complete way. By utilizing poetry in ethnographic research, we breathe life into the stories,
providing opportunity for the readers to hear the authors' voices from within the words.
Twisted Journey Between Goodness & Evil
Zweig & Abrams (1991) write that "illness and health are mysteriously united in some odd
way and that to know one is to know the other and that one cannot have one without having the
other" (p. 92). I compare exploring these stories to yet another journey through the entangled
paths between lightness (health) and dark (illness) within my own psyche...
'The Fall,' the metamorphosis into physical suffering, is preceded by certain premonitions.
Nature does not deal as underhandedly with us as it may sometimes seem. Long before the
situation becomes serious from a medical point of view, our hearts are tortured with a hate

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which haws only our best interests prophylactically 'at heart.' Long before any
morphological changes are noticed in the spinal column of the hunchback-to-be, he is
plagued by feeling of guilt. Long before the first asthmatic episode, nihilistic anxiety obtains,
while actual diarrheic crises serve but as the culmination of psychic incontinence in the face
of difficulties. In other words, infarcts occur without actual infarcts, hunchbacks are not
necessarily misshapen, asthmatics do not have to manifest bronchial congestion, and
diarrhea does not depend upon the presence of frequent and loose bowel movements
(Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 95).
Disability Studies
The process of disabled embodiment can be understood only within historical, cultural and
class contexts, along with the gendered and/or racialized body. If the body is a site of
political struggle, disabled women are involved in multiple contests which may result in
unexpected alliances with dispossessed Others (Meekosha, 1999, p.179).
"The rigid dualism of either a socially constructed disability or a disability grounded in
biology is being disputed in the subjective discourse—the lived experience" (Charmaz, 1991;
Rose, 1995 as cited in Meekosha, 1999, p. 175). "A personal relation to disability then involves a
process of simultaneously being and becoming a person with a disability" (Ferguson & Titchkosky
in Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi, 2008, p. 69). This involves a uniquely complex process with
infinite implications. The intersecting cultural and personal factors that give meaning to our lives
and shape our identities within the world as we understand it, change when we become sick or
disabled. And our experiences within the medical and economic systems will also impact how
each of us relates to and is defined by a particular illness (p. 65).
We need an interrogation of feminist theory of the body from a disability perspective as well
as a feminist interrogation of disability theory.. .yet the socially constructed disabled body

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does not adequately account for the totality of the trauma and suffering of impairment, the
subjective experience—for example negotiating pain, spasticity, incontinence and the
iatrogenic effects of drugs and appliances (Crow, 1992; French, 1993a as cited in Meekosha,
1999, p. 174).
Charmaz and Rose (1995) discussed the importance of uncovering the subjective contexts
when interpreting the experiences of people living with disability, and they expressed how this
essentially shifts research "into the realm of cultural analysis" in that we are providing the rich
descriptions of "what Rose calls the 'agon' of daily life" (as cited in Meekosha, 1999, p. 175).
Hel describes the following:
I have no space that is my own. I have significantly limited income. My poverty and
disability have reduced me to a walking-wounded, exposed soul. I am a free-spirited, openspaced, wild animal. My native heritage speaks to me also from the spirit world. I am a
bear, an eagle, a wolf and a bullfrog... all of these are animals who must roam freely. I no
longer am able to roam anywhere. I am strapped to the toilet and to my bed. I feel like I
have been castrated as well as my legs have been broken. I am the eagle in captivity and the
whale whose dorsal fin has flopped over in despair...armies, legless, skinless body left rotting
in the desert eaten by scorpions and blistered by the sun.. .utterly powerless and without
defense... (2009, participant interview).
Steiger and Lipson (1988) explained that "women from the same ethnic category did not
always share similar cultural meanings about illness, nor did they manage chronic illness the
same way" (vii as cited in Anderson, Blue, & Lau, 1988). They also described that "the process
of restructuring of life is situated within a complex nexus of economic, circumstances; hopes,
aspirations and fears; support or lack of it from friends, family, and employers; relationships with
health professionals, and the like (Anderson, Blue, & Lau, 1998, p. 183). It is impossible to

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know how something will affect someone else, as experiences are completely subjective in
nature. Many factors must be taken into account, including quality of life in regard to what that
means to each individual.
For instance, if an introverted person, with relatively minimal outdoor activity requirements,
who enjoyed staying inside, watching television were to acquire an invisible disability/illness that
rendered them inactive (or incapable), this could possibly be viewed as not hugely life-altering.
Contrarily, if a person whose identity is composed largely of outdoor sports and activities, and
this person rarely spent time indoors, this same illness could have tremendous emotionally
damaging effects, that might potentially render them suicidal. "I meet and work with women
who have become so overwhelmed by their tasks, responsibilities, and lack of supports that they
often become depressed, anxious and even suicidal" (Henning, 2006, p. 36).
For some reason yet to be known to me, and despite the multitude of obstacles the Creator
has put before me, I am still here. Despite that my pain continues to betray me in my fitful
slumber, feeding my dreams with gruesome and morbid images.
Human beings are healthier when they are sick. In its purest form, health is unbearable in the long
run, for it carries too great a responsibility and too much freedom for us to take it upon
ourselves unscathed for any length of time. The 'undoing' and its manifestation, illness, are
in the final analysis necessary (Zweig & Abrams, 1991, p. 96).
The following poem illustrates collegial violence as it is manifests itself in social work
environments:
appetites & apparitions around mentoring prove excess for both of us; frail, damaged, you
skulk the edges of relationship possibilities, in contrast, I rumble, hulk, lunge defeat is not
possible in the stupid language my heart sings—only detours, efforts at damage control, we
now close our doors to each other avoiding eye contact, cleverly planning de-synchronized

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schedules & associations, you, motivated in fear; i, in tender manners, i refuse to collude in
cowardly conspiracies or attempts to crush spirit, while I spoke of playfulness your curdled
tone slipped past my lips—tired to poison my tongue—but in innocent resilience i chew &
spit flowers at your feet (Transken, 2008, p. 221).
Typically, when women (social workers) become afflicted with an illness, especially if
it is not clearly visible, it is quite common that they are regarded by their colleagues as
"complainers", who are "faking it" and "slacking o f f (2009, participant interviews). "As a
chronically ill person you may not be able to work like you did before or maybe not at all, or
maybe it changes with your health. You have the added stigma of being seen as lazy and
unproductive (Driedger, 2003; Lavigne, Burke, Lemonde, 2001).
Meekosha (1999) argues "disability may be rendered invisible, as though the 'normal' mind
cannot encompass a difference so profoundly embedded in its/our sense of the 'normal' and its
silenced Others (those who are not part of the taken-for-granted everyday world of the
dominant cultures.. .disabled bodies exist in spaces outside mainstream society (p. 163). This
sentiment is also reiterated by Susan Wendall (1996) when she describes that illness is an excuse
for society to further accuse and suspect women of dishonesty and laziness, accusing them of
exaggerating illness symptoms. Kali describes this: "There was a definite time element to when
and how people thought I should be able to one again care for myself (2009, participant
interview). Wendall further argues that this limits women's full participation in soictety.
Meekosha (1999) agrees when she writes "injured women are then forced to 'prove' that the
injuries are 'really' physiological, caused by faulty ergonomics and poor work practices—thereby
forced into a mind/body and public/private separation (p. 168). And enus describes this:
But worse.. .was the conversations co-workers and supervisors would have about the way I
wanted to be on disability; that I was 'lazy' and I was sucking the system for an easy ride.. .1

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became the taunt of many cruel comments.. .did people really think that I wanted to live on
50% of my wage, live in poverty... my self-esteem was low and this added to my stress. I
was humiliated and felt that no one cared. Certainly no one ate my workplace (2009,
participant interview)
It is also not uncommon that women have described the need to make numerous trips to
physicians, and hospital emergency rooms to essentially fight to receive medical
attention/treatment for conditions that if presented by a male, would have been more readily
received and accepted as valid in nature of the complaint. Meeksosha (1999) writes that
although it is well documented by lawyers, medical practitioners and the media, that "women
have been more likely than men to develop symptoms of repetitive strain injury, owing to their
social and economic positioning in the labour force and their domestic responsibilities in the
home" (p. 168). However, despite this fact, there remains a stigma which portrays women as
hypochondriacs, typically suffering from emotional, "womb-based", rather than physical
ailments, which are contributed to an "essentially hysterical" character flaw, and "not
physiological" origin (p. 168).
But social constructionists of disability tend to assume a fixed embodiment—a fixed, static
disability. This approach raises a number of issues, in particular for women with disabilities,
who are more likely than men to experience degenerative conditions such as multiple
sclerosis and arthritis. So, for example, socially constructed disability does not explore a
changing body image or identity and functioning. Here the disabled woman must
continually renegotiate the relationship between body, self and socially constructed disability
(Meekosha, 1999, p. 175).
Why is it that when an illness/ disability is invisible, it is so difficult for people to
comprehend that the sufferer is sick, and is entided to the same compassion and care as is

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someone who is visibly ill? Meeksosha (1999) argues:
.. .many disabled people search for solutions to improve their bodily functioning to achieve
harmony between body and mind in distress. This is not simply because people with
acquired disabilities feel alienated from or confined by their bodies. It reflects philosophical
inheritances of the constraints of the mind/body opposition (p. 175).
Meekosha, (1999) also discusses that "disability theorists, following feminism's rejection of
biology as the determining factor in the making of the gendered or racialized body, have
similarly rejected biology as the determining factor in the making of the disabled body" (p. 176).
Rather, women's perceptions and definitions of body image, beauty, sexuality, issues of
dis/ability and overall sense of productivity and value in society are produced socially and it this
socially constructed body, that must be critically analyzed and deconstructed in order to
significantly reduce the subordination, marginalization and ultimately violence against women.
Meeksosha notes that others, for example, Monks and Frankenberg (1995) propose that we
must consider both a "socially constructed disability", without rejecting the medicalized, or
"mainstream" description, and that "both meanings attached to disability and the disabled body
itself, takes us beyond crude dualisms" (Meekosha, p. 176). And Wendall (1989) writes also that
"utopian technologies should be examined for their liberatory potential as well as exposing their
dangers as tools of domination" (p. 117).
N o t Without My Health
I ThankYou Dear for the Opportunity to Release .... puke forth and froth .... Relinquish,
Reflect and Honor all that shit.... Man, you GaveAway to me and I am very GreatFull.... it
so inspired me to KeepWriting, and to see my Process .... Progressive even in desent... LOL
I am such a Paradox and I dig that about me .... and all my Crew I Run Howl Caw Wail Sing

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.... If you never Learn to Howl, You will never Find Your Pack

ClarissaPinkolaEstees...

(2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
"Through the writing exercise workshops, she encourages women to write as a means of self
expression, find their personal voice, become empowered as they share their inner feelings and
allow themselves to write about things they might not be able to speak about" Qaffe, in Lavigne,
Burke, Lemonde, 2001, p. 227).
The spirit child is la nina milagrosa, a miracle child, who has the ability to hear the call, hear
the far-off voice that says it is time to come back, back to oneself. The child is part of our
medial nature that compels us, for it can hear the call when it comes. It is the child rising
out of sleep, out of bed, out of the house, and out into the wind-filled night and down to the
wild sea that causes us to assert, "As God is my witness, I shall proceed in this way," or "I
will endure," or "I shall not be turned away," or "I shall find a way to continue" (Pinolka
Estes, 1992, p. 273).
These are thoughts that have transpired throughout my thesis journey and in the
development of this research proposal. Thompson Highway's song, "When children Sleep." (is
based on a lullaby that his mother used to sing after his brother, Rene, died from AIDS)
supposes that when children sleep, they are spirits, traveling.
.. .sleep is my escape... frequendy, collapsing from the toilet to the bed, drenched with
sweat...i welcome sleep where dreams are sometimes dark but I belong in there.. .the spirit
world.. .1 look forward to time there.. .this longing consumes me.. .pressure relieved from
my rectum in dreams... enveloped by soft, warm blanket, comfort, kindness...from
somewhere else, I watch myself smiling, dancing with angels, we ride horses together, and I
weep.. .tears stain my cheeks, and I awaken, too frequently reality.. .a toilet.. .wipe the tears
from my eyes, impatient to return to the place I was, prior to another painful

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interruption.. .my rectum rudely demanding more attention while doctors have the audacity
to tell me, "try not to strain! this terror that has become also my nightmare.. .dreams now
consumed with gore...bulging masses of fecal matter, outhouses appear from nowhere...
knives carve into my stomach and anus relieving the pain in my rectum.. .anus protruding,
mass of pink, mucous-oozing, flesh gasping as I press it back inside m e . . .but in sleep, I ride
my horses, motorcycles, drive big rigs... pigtail braids blowing, the wind whips my
face.. .inhale it.. .LIFE...in sleep I am of the other world where I LIVE (2009, participant
interview, Hel).
"I'd lie in bed, then get out and kneel to pray to God for some reprieve. N o one in my life
believed that I could be without hope. Even my hope in God was fading as the darkness filled
the once faithful, hopeful place in my life" (2009, participant interview, Kali).
"Wendell further points out that she has to overcome the chronic pain of her body to do
anything, like writing an article..." (Driedger, as cited in Lavigne, Burke, & Lemonde, 2001, p.
322).
We discuss guilt and suicide... .Ka/z writes, "I told my friends, I told my family back home,
but not my children. I wanted them to be in the dark about my darkness. They needn't know
that life wasn't worth living quite yet" (2009, participant interview). And Danu writes, "it is hard
being alone with thoughts of suicide and thoughts of loss, no hope. I keep trying to reach out to
the next thing, the next activity" (2009, participant interview). Hel shares this:
I was an abundance of energy.. .1 have become the epitome of weakness...reduced to having
passion only for death... I cry each morning when I realize that I am forced to be here
another dreadful day.. .1 pray He gives me back my health or kill me because I cannot
continue to un/exist like this.. .And when my son says, 'omg. mom, every day I am afraid to
wake up and find that you're not here anymore.. .1 can't be here without you.. .but I

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understand why it would you want it just to end, and I don't even know how you've lasted
this long' (2009, participant interview).

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CHAPTER FOUR
RESEARCH D E S I G N / M E T H O D
Self-reflexive Auto-Ethnography
"Foucault's work .. .laid the foundation for an entire paradigm and practice in qualitative
research on studying discourses and experiences" (Saukko, 2003, p. 93). Self-reflexive autoethnography, an example of this method, is a concept in which the researcher identifies a
particular phenomenon and then describes the lived experiences from a variety of discourses,
including her/his own experience within the study (Saukko, 2003, pp. 84-85).

This can

otherwise be described as a means by which the research is conducted from insider position
working in an outward motion rather than the traditional outside-in method.
As Saukko (2003) eludes to, allowing various participant perspectives within the research has
the potential to "effectively discredit" the critique, by exposing multiple dichotomies. But
conversely this technique also enables the researcher to "flesh out the ambiguity" that lies within
the interpretation of the stories, providing richer, fuller descriptions of knowledge. This holds
true in that we all are experts in our own rights and it is impossible that we all might experience
something in only one way. It is impossible that there is only right or wrong. The notion of the
'organic intellectual' helps us to understand the multiple ways of knowing. We are all learners
and teachers and although we might share many experiences, we have many ways of knowing
and this knowledge is revealed to us in what I refer to as shades of 'truth'.
Saukko (2003) refers to self-reflexive dialogue "in 'rhizomatic' terms that does not aim to
establish a consensus but allows the different experiences to illuminate the empowering and
disempowering elements of discourses and to highlight their complexity" (Saukko, 2003, p. 94).
In this way we are welcoming and recognizing both the differences and similarities that we
encounter throughout the course of the research. We are not searching for one unanimous

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answer or truth, but rather we allow the process to unfold, and in this journey, we open
ourselves to the multiplicity of lived experiences. In doing so, we are more able to capture the
essences of the stories, which ultimately provides a more complete description of the
phenomena we are exploring, thereby honouring the participants.
Foucault acknowledges that one can never liberate oneself from discourses or reach a state
of not governing or disciplining one's behavior in some fashion. Yet Foucault's technology
of the self reminds us that one can work towards a technique of governing oneself in a
fashion that aims to be more ethical both towards the self and others (Saukko, 2003, p. 86).
van Mannen (1990) suggests that "the method of phenomenology is that there is no
method" and that instead, "the broad field of phenomenological scholarship" might be more
accurately described as a "set of guides and recommendations for a principled form of inquiry
that neither simply rejects or ignores tradition", (p. 30) to be applied by the hermeneutic
researcher with rigour.
"A phenomenological question must not only be made clear, understood, but also "lived by
the researcher" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 44). My intention was to ask questions that will enlighten
us to women's experiences of invisible illness/disability. The questions I developed were
designed for their "relevance and clarity" (Dawson, Klass, Guy, & Edgley, 1991, p. 222). The
questions are specific to this study and have not been asked in this manner previously. The
questions have been chosen to elicit the information required for the purpose of the study
(p.222).
Sample
"The starting point of phenomenological research is largely a matter of identifying what it is
that deeply interests you or me and of identifying this interest as a true phenomenon, i.e., as
some experience that human beings live through" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 40). I utilized a

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snowball sample to find female social workers who identified as having experienced invisible
illness/ disability at some point within her career. Coldwell (1999) and Osborne (1990) state that
the number of participants in a phenomenological study may vary from as few as one participant
to multiple participants and that the sample size may vary based on the researcher's ability to
illustrate an in-depth analysis of the phenomenon being studied.
The reasoning behind my choice of a snowball sample is that I am unfamiliar to this
geographic area. Essentially, I am a "fish out of water." I do not have a network of friends and
colleagues from which to choose a sample of participants who share the criteria I am interested
in studying. Also, due to the constraints and the nature of my own invisible dis/ability, I am
unable to venture out in to the community to secure new collegial networks for this purpose.
Fortunately, I have managed to discuss my research intentions within the academic setting, and
these connections have enabled me to actualize the snowball sample method.
I am largely at the mercy of the people I have met here, in that I relied on them to spread the
word of my thesis intent, in order that I was able to find at least five participants who met the
criteria for my study. I also continue to be at the mercy of the physical and emotional
limitations of my illness which vary on an ongoing ever-changing basis. The challenges are
many.
Data Collection Process
Creswell, (1994) states that the qualitative researcher is the primary instrument for data
collection and analysis, (p. 145). I followed the data collection format according to what I
learned reading Neuman (1997). Van Mannen (1990) identified "four existentials" (p. 101). He
explains that these existentials are reference points from which we experience and perceive our
world, and depending upon subjective criteria these perceptions and experiences may or may not
differ from those of another.

I interpret van Mannen's analysis to mean that these can be

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utilized as tools to help manage the reflexive process of research, these frameworks then help
create a reference point from which I located myself in this research.
These four existentials helped me ask reflexive questions and to determine the crucial
components of the data. These include, 1. "Lived space (spaciality)", which I interpret to mean
that since the participants in this study are presently located in (and have moved between)
different communities, our access to medical care and services will be experienced differently
from the onset of the study. 2. "Lived body (corporeality)", for the purpose of this research, I
interpret to include that our invisible illnesses are varied (and particular illness was not the focus
of the study), but the variances in our dis/abilities and how we perceive and locate ourselves
might likely affect how each of us maneuvers through the various systems this research is
exploring, and our perceptions of (our) illness also potentially impact how each of us interprets
and responds to the questions asked in the study. 3. "Lived time (temporality)" I interpret to
refer to the way in which each of the participants interprets her own life experiences and how
she believes her invisible illness impacts her life and her ability to function (for example, does
her illness impede or enhance the aspirations and goals she may have prescribed for herself). 4.
"Lived human relation (relationality or communality)", I interpret as how do the participants
relate to and identify with the persons important to them in their own circles of family, friends,
colleagues and cohorts. How does the connectedness or lack thereof impact their responses to
the research question(s)? It was throughout the research process, while utilizing these
existentials, that as I questioned what I was noticing in the data, that I noticed the emerging
theme of social connectedness and began to wonder if this was a crucial element in discussions
of invisible illness/disability.
In "Journeys of Disorientation & Dislocation: W o m e n / Invisible Illness/ Dis/Ability In and
Out of Social Work: A Transdisciplinary Exploration, the research question itself was borne

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from my own desperate need to discover how other women have experienced invisible
illness/disability in order to perhaps make sense of the uncomfortable disabled lens from which
my own personal world view now gazes. The interview questions were developed from my
desire to gain a deeper understanding of the disability and medical processes social workers must
negotiate and specifically in relation to the contradictions I have observed throughout my own
invisible medical journey. The questions are ultimately a compilation of the conscious and
unconscious reflexive processes that shaped my thinking, behaviours, and my motivations for
engaging in this particular study. Much of the research has been generated from the ever
growing and transforming shadows within my psyche, as my journey of invisible
illness/dis/ability continues.
To supplement the auto/ethnographic methods of my study, my original intent was to
incorporate the use of a variety of triangulation strategies including a survey in order to acquire
additional exploratory data, which would have increased the sample size. However, due to the
vast amount of literature and the richness of the participant data, this would have made the
thesis more enormous. Therefore, the supplementary survey was reluctantly abandoned for a
future research endeavor. I did manage to utilize a variety of "bricolage" and "messy" text
techniques as read in Denzin (1997) to help me negotiate through the data, from a "polycentric"
(Delaney, Brownlee & Zapf, 1999, p. 13), feminist perspective.
Participant Interviews
For purpose of this study, I asked the participants six questions:
1. Please describe to me your experience of invisible illness/ dis/ability.
2. Please tell me about your employing agency's response to your invisible illness/ dis/ability.
3. Please tell me about your experience with the medical system in regard to how your invisible
illness was handled/ managed.

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4. Throughout your experience with invisible illness/dis/ability, who supported, nurtured and
cared for you?
5. What would you describe as having been the most challenging element of becoming invisibly
ill/ dis/abled?
6. If you had the money/ power/ ability to do so, please tell me, what would you change about
your experience with invisible illness/ dis/ability?
Sometimes people become nervous or uncomfortable when asked to speak about personal,
intimate situations. I worried that the participants might freeze up and/or wonder what they
should/not discuss. To alleviate these fears, I developed some prompts, which I referred to as
"self-monitoring mechanisms", to assist the process of eliciting information in the event that the
sharing derailed in some off-topic, or idle chit-chat direction, van Mannen (1990) suggested
"before embarking on a busy interview schedule one needs to be oriented to one's question or
notion in such a strong manner that one does not get easily carried away with interviews that go
everywhere and nowhere" (p. 67). I recognize that some of us tend to ramble when we are
nervous, or we have no parameters or person to bring us back to task. (I have referred to Dr.
Transken as a sheep herder on many occasion, lol). These "self-monitoring mechanisms" act as
post-its or marking tools, allowing the interviewer the opportunity to re-visit certain topics later.
van Mannen (1990) describes "the conversational interview turns increasingly into a
hermeneutic interview as the researcher can go back and again to the interviewee in order to
dialogue with the interviewee about the ongoing record of the interview transcripts, (p. 63).
Because we utilized an online/email method of conducting the interviews, I did not have the
immediate opportunity to revisit/clarify specific responses during the interviews. The prompts
enabled me to revisit the questions for clarification if necessary. This method proved to be
incredibly rewarding and provided much rich back and forth communication that lent itself to

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deeper understanding through sharing of the stories and it helped me document the data in a
most meaningful way. Through this process, strong bonds were developed and this proved
therapeutic in a reciprocal way.
It was imperative to the validity and integrity of the study that I expressed to the participants
the importance of free-flow, conversational sharing (sharing as freely as each was willing and
comfortable, for each question), in order to provide this study with as much rich data as
possible. I encouraged the participants to be as candid as possible within her comfort level, in
order that the study is as meaningful as possible. I also emphasized that candid sharing was
crucial because this was our opportunity to tell our stories in each of our own words.
The downside of including additional material in the email interview is that there was some
risk that the participants might have thought that they had to answer the 6 questions, speak to all
the examples provided, and perhaps limit their discussion to only that. This could have
potentially, minimized the potential overall validity, purpose and impact of the study. I took
steps to reduce this potential hazard by including clear, detailed instructions. As it turned out,
each participant answered the questions in a very unique way and this provided a broad scope of
data for the research, but provided descriptive accounts to the experiences of each participant
for all the questions in the study.
I originally intended to use a face-to-face focus group method. However, due to time
constraints and ongoing medical concerns, my thesis supervisor and I agreed that an
online/email method would inevitably be most the viable method to use for my study because of
the ever-challenging, debilitative and counterproductive symptoms of my own illness. Because I
was not likely to ever meet the participants face-to-face, it initially felt awkwardly impersonal to
me. This was something I felt compelled to address with the women because I wanted to make
sure that they realized how thankful I am that they were willing to partake in this journey with

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me. Despite my initial apprehension over the lack of face-to-face communication, there was no
discomfort 34 . Rather, this method produced concise and clear data, which perhaps might have
been overwhelming had the interviews been in person, tape-recorded then transcribed. In my
experience, people are less likely to write more than necessary, versus some of us tend to talk a
lot which increases the chances of collecting off-topic data. Also, had I used a focus group there
was potential for participants to be more fearful of sharing the poignant and intimate details that
were the essence of this study.
Throughout the study and through the various back and forth emails, as noted earlier, bonds
were developed and genuine friendships evolved from the back and forth sharing. Kali writes,
"You sound so beautiful and lovely and real. The real is my passion, knowing real is such an
experience.. .you don't feel like a stranger, you feel like a dear friend.... I appreciate your listening
ear, your response.. .good night my new friend" (2009, participant interview). Helshares,

"you

are truly an amazing beautiful woman! I am truly blessed to have the good fortune to have you
in my life... This has brought such joy to me it makes my heart soar..." (2009, participant
interview). And ChaChaCrowBear beckons: "I sooooo damn excited

we BE going on a

Journey, MyGirl!!!!! Can't ya feel it in yer nostrilzzzzzzzzzzzzzz???? Have an Interesting Amusing
Day ... I shook my BuffaloHorn, You were in there" (2009, participant interview).
I am delighted to announce that we cannot wait to meet! Hel writes, "Finding you women
has been so powerful in so many ways cuz i learn so much from your stories and experiences
that feeds my own starving soul and i am so thankful for that. It has given me renewed strength
(2009, participant interview). And Kali replies, "You are beautiful and amazing, I have found
such a light in you. You make my day lighter both physically and emotionally" (2009, participant
interview).
34

I think that perhaps this process was similar to online dating (in which I have not partaken) when strangers
become connected, sharing intimate details in relatively short timeframes?

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I asked each participant to please share with me at the end of her interview, how this process
felt for her. Kali responds, "Thank you for this opportunity to express some feelings that have
had no audience and have spent their time hidden from the present" (2009, participant
interview). I also asked the women prior to commencing, to share any of their own creative
work (including letters, journal entries, poems or some other piece of written work) with me for
the purpose of this study, if they were so inclined, because, as van Mannen (1990) noted,
"literature, poetry, or other story forms serve as a fountain of experiences to which the
phenomenologist may turn to increase practical insights" (p. 70) and "a poet can sometimes give
linguistic expression to some aspect of human experience that cannot be paraphrased without
losing a sense of the vivid truthfulness that the lines of the poem are somehow able to
communicate" (p. 71). The powerful poems and rants of the participants have been delightfully
woven throughout this thesis. The following is a 'brutifully' 33 written poem, exemplary of our
bipolar-aggressive, neither politically correct, nor ladylike manner. I found it awesomely
brilliant!
Where do I go when I've burned all my bridges, torn down all my supports, pushed away all
that's familiar? H o w does one explain irrational behaviour, an aggressive aura, self injury by
isolation? what was I doing standing on a soap box looking down from above? Running
scared from all of it: the landslide of blackness

L U R K I N G mud , dirt, catching at my heels

finally burried in it, my one eye opened I find one iota of light enought to fix on while the

35

1 made up the word, 'brutifully' as a playfully sarcastic extension of the word brute, which describes someone who
is perceived as barbaric, aggressive, improper and ill mannered. These negative attributes also tend to lend
themselves to the stigma associated with bipolar disorder. Many of us, who suffer from symptoms which fall under
the bipolar disorder umbrella have described either feelings of inappropriateness, aggressiveness, outspokenness, or
unladylike mannerisms, or have expressed that rather we have been identified by medical professionals and
judgmental others as having these negative traits. (Many of also have been advised by counselors or concerned
friends, that we need anger management). These descriptions reflect the negative manner in which invisible
illness/dis/ability is regarded in North American culture.

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filth melts away as a shoot would; I try to grow up from the dark (2009, participant
interview, Danu).
Making a quilt/ Qualitative Data Analyses
This is a qualitative, exploratory study, based deeply in hermeneutic phenomenology and
feminist scholarly application making quantification neither relevant nor appropriate, van
Mannen (1990) refers to Merleau-Ponty (1962) when he writes that "to give a direct description
of my experience as it is, without offering causal explanations or interpretive generalizations of
my experience" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 54). "The 'data' of human science research are human
experiences" (p. 63). The data was analyzed by utilizing a cultural studies brioclage method.
Qualitative research contributes to the "enlightenment" of the participants. Many of those
studied (the participants) within the fields of healthcare and social sciences live within the
margins of oppression so it is of utmost utility that as researchers we optimize the availability of
the qualitative paradigm in order to not further contribute to their domination, at least within
our research. "It is in and through the words that the shining through (the invisible) becomes
visible" (van Mannen, 1990, p. 130).
It is my opinion that because qualitative research holds the greatest value in its ability to lend
itself to the un-silencing of those who have remained without voice throughout the reign of the
empirical quest for knowledge and power, from its interdisciplinarian framework, that it is
important for qualitative researchers find some place of peace, at least within the discipline of
qualitative inquiry. We must yet battle many "other" criticisms and challenges, than for us to
consume ourselves.
I used content analysis in which "the data from interviews provides a basis for answering
the research question and addressing the research hypothesis" (Geisbrecht, 2003, p. 117). This
was an exhaustive process by which the frequency of words, manifest (visible meanings) and

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latent (underlying meanings) themes (Babbie, 2001, p. 310) were purposefully examined. The
data categories in this study were inferred in that the "scheme waits to let content of text
determine the category" (Geisbrecht, 2003). This included that the words of the participants
were presented in as sensitively and truthful manner as possible. The participants are the experts
in this instance. There was no quantitative method used to validate their individual "truths".
The study was brought back to the respondents for verification of accuracy and it was also read
by my friends and peers for validation of relevance in the circles of women to whom the
information applies.
This research is deductive in nature. As applied to my study, deductive theory (Rubin &
Babbie, 1993) holds that I would expect that the presence of the variables, women's experiences
of trauma, abuse, neglect, poverty, and abandonment (oppression and marginalization) prior to a
social work career might increase the likelihood that they might have similar experiences within
their profession as social workers.
It is interesting to note that in my research I believe I have uncovered a theme
wherein it appears that despite the numerous similarities of the methodological approaches,
phenomenological research/ers tend to differ with feminist research/ers in the manner in which
the public and private domains of lived experiences are regarded. For example, van Mannen
(1990) writes this:
My own life experiences are immediately accessible to me in a way that no one else's are.
However the phenomenologist does not want to trouble the reader with purely private,
autobiographical facilities of one's life. The revealing of private sentiments of private
happenings are matters to be shared among friends perhaps, or between lovers, or in the
gossip columns of life. In drawing up personal descriptions of lived experiences, the

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phenomenologist knows that one's own experiences are also the possible experiences of
others (p. 54).
I took offense to van Mannen's statement (1990, p. 63), "to bring the difference between
phenomenology and other so-called qualitative research approaches (such as ethnography,
ethnomethodology, symbolic interactionism... etc). I felt the presence of a familiar
condescendence and this made me more aware of the necessity for rigour in my own research.
Feminist researchers/activists tend to regard the intersection between private troubles/ public
issues as a place to promote change. By making the uncomfortable comfortable, we become
more empowered and less oppressed. We do this by talking and writing about issues as they
impact women specifically, including such things as wage equity, discriminations, rape, and other
violence. ".. .how much information is socially appropriate to share is grounded in culture and
class" (Wagner, 2008, p. 95). We are aware of the implications of language and how it
determines and/or persuades our perceptions of specific events or situations. And as women
become more vocal, we continue to be frequently reprimanded, and chastised if not punitively
punished for our aggressive, inappropriate and unladylike behavior. "And the longer I wait
without getting properly fixed, the less concerned I become with appropriateness" (2009,
participant interview, Hel).
The point of this research study is to share the experiences of women who have become
invisibly ill/dis/abled at some point in their careers as social workers. It was imperative to
uncover the essence of their words from within the dialogues as their own words were typed
within the transcript pages. To honour these brave warrior women who have endured a variety
of traumas and violences against their bodies and spirits, it was up to me, the writer of this
document to ensure that I made every effort to describe to the readers what they intended to
share. "In gathering anecdotes, one needs to be quite rigorous and construct accounts that are

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trimmed of all extraneous, possibly interesting but irrelevant aspects of the story" (van Mannen,
1990, p. 69). ".. .a hermeneutic methodological approach, which aims to gain a 'thick'
understanding of other people's experience..." (Saukko, 2003, p. 8).
In keeping with Saukko's (2003) analysis of the anorexia discourse, similarly, the dominant
discourse of illness/disability "shapes our most fundamental sense of our self, how we define
what kind of a self is 'healthy' and what kind of a self is 'disordered' and "at the same time it
gives rise to specific regimes of treatment and lifestyle, becomes part and parcel of popular
media imagery, and is mobilized to pathologize or buttress a variety of social and political
regimes" (p. 6).
Qualitative research informs education. It guides how research is performed within the
social sciences and across the disciplines. Because qualitative studies are utilized in
anthropology, sociology, psychology, nursing, history, philosophy, cultural studies and feminist
research studies, we can, therefore, "blend purposefully, qualitative methods, with explanation as
to why we blended them" (Cutcliffe, 2004) 36pl .
Qualitative research is essentially the human side of research and in fact, life is qualitative
research. By utilizing a qualitative research study, I chose to offset the existing structural power
imbalances, refusing to reduce the participants to measurable objectifications—the output of
research, in order to satisfy the criteria imposed upon us by a quantitative paradigm in search of
"truth". I made every effort to offer the participants as much equal ownership of the research
endeavor as possible. The ability to do so exists within the qualitative research paradigm as it is
constructed, and it depends upon the researchers' comprehension, creativity and dedication how
they choose to interpret and implement the utility of this paradigm within the health and social
sciences field.

36 2

I am hopeful that this research provides diverse analysis of the subject, and is

I J Cutcliffe, J. (2004). Classnotes, January 7th.

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applicable to the unique nature of humanity as it is to the exquisite diversity of the women in
this study.
It was during the first pass through the data "Open Coding" is when the initial concepts
began to appear. This first pass through the data was basically a summary of the interviews.
This read was completed with no note-taking. During the second pass, "Axial Coding" a more
in depth analysis of the research and its purpose began to emerge (p.423). Here I began to
noticed ideas and potential underlying meanings within the data. It seems to me that this stage
was like a directional phase of the research process and the rest of the research design grew from
this stage of data coding.
During the final "Selective Coding" stage was where the making sense of the data occurred.
Here is where I questioned the direction the research was taking, based on the work completed
in the previous stages, and I decided if it made sense. It was during this stage that the underlying
meanings were deciphered. Here is where I determined whether the participants and I were
speaking and understanding the same language and (interpretations). I presented summaries of
the data to the participants to determine if my understanding was accurate. It was confirmed
that the essence of what was shared between us was accurate and acceptable.
Saukko (2003) refers to 'dialogic validity' as a hermeneutic approach that asks "how well it
manages to capture the lived realities of others" (p. 19). The main criteria of this approach is
"respect of other people's lived worlds and realities" (p. 20). This thesis adheres to the following
three criteria for 'good' or valid research as outlined in Saukko, 2003. "Truthfulness. Research
should do justice to the perspectives of the people being studied.. ."(p. 20). "Self-reflexivity.
awareness of the way they perceive reality and other people.. .cultural baggage" (p. 20).
Polyvocality. "not studying a lived reality but many"... trying to be true to their diversity as well
as relations and tensions between them" (p. 20). "Reality changes when we change the

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methodological angle or perspective from which we look at it" (Saukko, 2003, p. 25). Angen
(2000) writes "the social discourses we are engaged in, through our past and present interactions
with the world around us, constantly inform and reformulate our understandings, our
interpretations, and our claims to knowing" (p. 386).
Interesting to note, is that the participants of this research study also acknowledged the
potential for possible misunderstandings of their words, and they reciprocated immense
respectfulness in their correspondence with me. ChaChaCrowBear writes: "I wanna say
HappyTrailz, but I don't know if you'd like that... L O L Thankz for the RambleOn...." (2009,
participant interview). I am curious to know if this behavior simple politeness, or is it because
social workers are taught to ask permission? Or is it because as women we are more inclined to
cater to the needs of those with whom we communicate? Or could it perhaps be due to some
socialized permission-seeking behaviour? This is worth exploring further in future research.
Validity and Limitations of the Study
In all research, there is room for misinterpretation of interview questions and as well, one
can question both the legitimacy of the respondents' answers to the questions, and their
motivation for participation in the study (p. 242). Can the research be generalized to other
populations?

Generalization was not the goal of this research study. What type of inferences

might be made from this data? Might the responses of females from a northern community be
reflective of the responses of females from a more southern context? Did the researcher
maintain objectivity and professional distance from the research? "One of the central criteria for
validity in research is 'reliability', which refers to the idea that if a different scholar conducted the
same research, s(he) would come up with the same or similar results" (Saukko, 2003, p. 18).
I agree with what Anastas (1999) describes as a position proposed by feminists (Davis, 1986;
Collins, 1991; Swignoski, 1994), and antiracists, (Akbar, 1991; Bowman, 1991; Hess, 1995) that

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"legitimacy for knowledge is at least in part a political one and that the methods and products of
science are not apolitical or value-free" (Anastas, pp. 5-6). "The tools of traditional research as
they are now used demonstrably do not serve well women and people of colour" (McMahon &
Allen-Meares, 1992 as cited p. 6)37[1).
A future step in the research process would be to identify dependent and independent
variables which could be manipulated in an experimental, quantitative research design. One
might then determine whether the relationship between the variables is significant.

(I have

already developed a draft survey for this purpose). These results could be utilized as data for
future studies examining women's experiences of oppression and marginalization within the
realm of social work. Perhaps someone might also want to perform a test on high-school
graduate women that determines if they have experienced of trauma, and also perform the same
test on graduate social workers and graduate scientists. Are those who have experienced
oppression and trauma perhaps seeking to experience more? This exploratory, qualitative
research study is a first step in this process.
This study is in accordance with the structures and guidelines applicable to qualitative
research. The results were taken to the respondents for validation (and to peers for verification
of meaning and relevance). The issue of reflexivity was paramount throughout the study. As a
researcher, I located myself within the study, in order to reflect honesty and to display potential
bias and subjectivity. "The use of reflexivity during fieldwork can mute the distance and
alienation built into conventional notions or 'objectivity5 or objectifying those who are studied.
The research process becomes more mutual, as a strategy to deconstruct the author's authority"
(Finlay, 2002, p. 535).

"M Akbar, 1991, Bowman, 1991, McMahon & Allen-Meares, 1992 not cited in Anastas, 1999 reference list.

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The very issue of researcher bias which is used to condemn many qualitative (feminist
research) studies is frequently invisible, but evident within the literature presented in quantitative
studies, where the researchers fail to disclose the privileged positions they hold as scientific
researchers. "Qualitative researchers accept the fact that research is ideologically driven. There
is no value-free or bias-free design" (Janesick, 2003, p. 57). Fiumara also wrote that "science is
not value-free or impartial" (1990, as cited in Angen 2000, p. 388).
Saukko (2003) refers to 'deconstructive validity' as a poststructuralist approach that
gauges "how well it unravels problematic social discourses that mediate the way in which we
perceive reality and other people" (p. 19). The primary argument of 'deconstructive validity' is
that there is no 'unbiased' way of comprehending the world" (p. 21). As researchers we must
always acknowledge our own social contexts/agendas (and how we came to those positions) in
order that we do not impose our own views.
What quantitative research describes as "systemic error due to researcher bias" (Anastas,
1999, p. 400) is actually addressed and embraced within many qualitative studies, often in
reflexive accounts. Schwandt, 2003, wrote, "acting, and thinking, practice and theory, are linked
in a continuous process of critical reflection and transformation" (p. 295), and that
phenomenological sociologists use reflexivity to help researchers understand the relevant
contexts in which language is dependent. What he describes are the social realities and
interactions that are constructed within the meanings ascribed within specific cultures. I found
what Li (1988) wrote about the "restructuring of life to accommodate a chronic illness does not
take place in a vacuum independent of the social context" (as cited in Anderson, Blue, & Lau,
1998, p. 182) to be especially relevant to my study. And "the lack of recognition of the social
context of illness conceals unequal class relationships" (p. 182).

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Mitroff (1974), defends reflexive positioning when s/he writes, "research into the work of
scientists indicates that the idea of a dispassionate scientist is largely a myth and that the very
best scientists are the ones who are most passionate about, and committed to, their ideas" (as
cited in Ritzer, 2000, p. 43). If all such steps were taken to maximize truthfulness of the research
process, then it is likely that a qualitative measurement of significance will speak to the credibility
of the data. "Collins asserted that individuals who have lived through the experiences on which
they claim to be experts are more credible than those who have merely read or thought about
such experiences" (as cited in Swigonski, 1994, p. 391).
It is preposterous that our health care system is designed in such a way that differences in
male/female usage of this system are neither reflected in policy, design, or practice. To suggest
that women and men experience illness identically is ludicrous. The literature supports that
women and men experience illness and use health care resources in a variety of ways.
(Anderson, Blue, & Lau, 1998; Anderson 1985; 1987; Sorenson et al. 1985; Verbrugge 1985).
Anderson, Blue, & Lau (1998) also discuss the subjective nature of chronic illness and argue that
many factors in one's life including economics, culture, relationships with family and friends, as
well as other elements unique to each of us will impact how we experience illness (p. 183).
This said it is equally unrealistic to expect that all the participants in this study would
describe her experiences of having an invisible illness/disability in exactly the same words.
And it would be both condescending and nothing short of ridiculous for me as a researcher to
paint all social workers with invisible illness/disability with the same brush. It is for these
reasons that qualitative research is necessary and invaluable. The results provide a more
descriptive and relevant picture of the impact of invisible illness and disability on the lived
realities (the physical and emotional lives) of these women.

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Qualitative research does not subscribe to the notion of one 'truth, but instead, there is a
recognition of multiple truths. Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi (2008) refer to Titchkosky (2003)
when write that "disability remains the space for the reproduction of dichotomous gendered and
colonial relations between bodies and truth" (Wagner, Acker, & Mayuzumi, p. 66). I argue, also
that the context of the truth can be altered to fit the teller's own agenda. In this paper, the
multiple and similar truths have been shared through the stories of the participants, all of whom
are experts in her own story, and these truthful versions have been confirmed by those experts,
individually and collectively.
van Mannen (1990) refers to Merleau-Ponty (1962) when he criticized feminist research's use
of personal experiences within research and he expressed his preference "to give a direct
description of my experience as it is, without offering causal explanations or interpretive
generalizations of my experience" (van Mannen, p. 54). I argue that we risk becoming
un/intentional subordinators if a we take advantage of and/or use creative liberty to omit
and/or misinterpret the meanings and the contextual basis of the data, and rather told the stories
in our own words, ignoring the actual meanings, as intended by the participants. This would
reflect oppressive research. I did not specifically use the "contrast contexts" method of rich
data interpretation as developed by max Weber (Neuman, 1997, p. 433). I was conscious of the
potential for cultural differences among the participants, and none presented in the data. To
uphold the integrity of this research and to respect the stories of the participants, their words
were presented verbatim within the thesis, and not taken out of context or misconstrued. The
document was presented to the participants for clarification and verification of information prior
to its submission.
Reinharz (1992) writes that when we fail to carefully present the research from the
appropriate, legitimate context, it "brings it back to scientific gossip" which devalues what was

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said by the speaker, thereby devaluing the speaker, who would likely be left feeling dishonoured,
unheard, defensive and violated. Essentially researcher failure to bring data back to the
respondents for verification of intent and accuracy was described by Reinharz as "real
experiences disappearing in translation." I do not want my research to be exemplary of
"scientific gossip" nor do I want it to be yet another piece of statistical firewood. I want my
thesis to speak from within the souls of those who risked sharing with me. "Our friends show us
what we can do, our enemies teach us what we must do (Zweig & Abrams 1991, p. 194). I
refuse to become the "enemy."
Failure to locate oneself in the research, with reflective accounts and motives etc. contributes
to the oppression of those being studied and fails to provide legitimate, accurate portrayals of
the topics we explore. Further, the reader is also victimized because if she does not challenge
what is presented, and relies solely on what is presented, (the reader does not know the
participants, and has no knowledge of author bias) then bad research becomes accepted as
historical fact, and herstory therefore, remains silendy in the shadows. Wagner (2008) refers to
Anne-Louise Brookes (1992) when she describes how women are educated, through the
"reinforcement of feelings of fear, inadequacy and contempt" to separate personal and academic
contexts and that to do so is "not nice, not scholarly, and certainly not scientific". She argues
that "relations of power work to produce the well-kept secret of violence against women", and
this continues to "silence them" (Wagner, p. 92).
Triangulation and Crystallization
Triangulation is a concept that lends itself to the credibility of qualitative studies. Denzin
(1978). 'Triangulation' can be "interpreted as a pursuit of truth" (Saukko, 2003, p. 23).

"Theory

triangulation is the use of multiple perspectives to interpret a single set of data and
Methodological triangulation is the use of multiple methods to study a single problem" (Janesick,

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2003, p. 67). My use of bricolage and interdisciplinary methods to interpret and analyze the
research, are both reflective of these two methods of triangulation. Although triangulation is a
framework based in positivist methodology that can be useful to combine some approaches,
Saukko suggests that it is not entirely useful in combining the three approaches she described.
"The strength of these analyses is that, working from the inside out, they provide powerful
critiques of how discourse constitutes us. However, this acute critical insight into the self is also
the greatest shortcoming of this line of inquiry" (Saukko, 2003, p. 86).
'Crystallization', instead, uses the metaphor of "prisms" (Saukko, 2003) to illustrate that
"there are endless or multiple truths about the reality" (p. 27). Janesick (2003) also referred to
Richardson's (1994) notion of "crystallization" in that it is subjective and dependent upon a
complexity of reference points, including the distribution of light that reflects
on/against/through a particular lens at a particular moment (Janesick, p. 67). This lends itself to
the idea that the nature of research is in fact subjective, and we must be careful of this, so as not
to disregard potential bias from a variety of sources.
Further to the matter of validity and credibility, as is so with many qualitative researchers, I
do not subscribe to the positivistic belief that there might only be one "truth". Therefore, it is
plausible that there could be a variance in interpretation of the data from my study. As noted in
Janesick (2003) I included "written testimony from my participants" (p. 75). Their words were
woven throughout this paper exactly as they were written as a "type of permanent insurrection"
(Janesick, 2003).
This research is to satisfy the requirements of a Masters Thesis. For this purpose, I chose to
limit my participants to six women. Micro-level theory, as described in Rubin & Babbie (2001),
focuses on small slices of time, spaces or numbers of people (p. 49). According to the guidelines
of qualitative research, this research will produce rich descriptions and analysis from a variety of

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disciplines. Finlay (2002) write that "noting that the validity of research is not only a matter of
the methods used" (p. 536). And Finlay refers to Kvale (1996) when identifying the "moral
integrity" of the researcher as "critical for evaluation of the quality of scientific knowledge
produced" (Finlay, p. 536).
Andermahr, Lovell, & Wolkowitz (2000) describe qualitative research as "interdisciplinary"
which differs from multidisciplinary in that it has "the tendency to blur the confines of
methodological boundaries within the disciplines" (pp. 135-136). This is particularly beneficial
to analysis of women, gender and culture (pp. 135-136). Importandy, this enables social science
researchers to dip into their toolboxes and utilize methodologies that would otherwise be off
limits within their research.
Confidentiality / E t h i c a l Considerations / Informed Consent
This research project was ethical and in accordance with BCASW, Section 9.3, "the social
worker will take reasonable action against the unethical conduct by any other member of the
profession" (1984, p.11). It also reflects and adheres to UNBC approvals and REB standards.
Brzuzy, Ault, & Segal (1997) wrote, in a study of female trauma survivors, that "victimization
and trauma are a significant part of women's lives" and that we must be careful not to revictimize the women we interview. As a feminist researcher, I do have to help peel back the
layers to get to what is on the inside, but it involves a careful process, so that what is inside does
not become further damaged, or left exposed. "We do not want to leave our participants not
knowing how to cleanse and heal" (Transken, Seminar, 2003). For this purpose, a list of
counselors was included in the informed consent packages sent to the participants, along with
the university research ethics form. Also, because of the confidential and sensitive nature of this
study, the potential implications were discussed with the participants prior to signing consents.

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Also, I utilized refiexivity as a self-protection tool during the interview process. Being aware
of my own thoughts, emotions, and possible triggers, helped me to be a more effective listener.
Due to my own proximity within this research topic, there was potential for me to experience
triggers from witnessing the accounts of my participants and also there was potential for my own
biases to contaminate the accounts of the participants. "It is not possible for qualitative
researchers to be totally objective, because total objectivity is not humanly possible" (Ahem,
1999, p. 407).
Due to the fact that we exist in relatively small communities there is a remote possibility that
particular aspects of references might be recognized by participant colleagues or acquaintances,
which could potentially jeopardize anonymity. Also, some aspects of the interview transcripts
may have the potential to "expose" agencies, which would have various implications thereby
creating the potential for repercussion. For this reason, all names were changed within the
writing of the paper. The participants chose (or asked me to choose for them) a "goddess"pseudonym to be used instead of using our actual names. Also, no communities or agencies were
named within the paper to further protect respondent identities. Tremendous care was taken
not to reveal any identifying information of the respondents, all of whom were fully aware of the
potential risks to this research. My hopes that any risk potential was outweighed by the benefits
of participation have been verified by the participants, all of whom have expressed
overwhelming personal satisfaction from having participated in this journey.
Timeframes
In the earlier stages of this thesis journey, I gave myself exactly one year to complete the
research process. I was hopeful that the data would have been transcribed and that the results
would have been transferred to my working thesis by December 2004. And it was my intention

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to present my thesis by January, 2005 for the first review. "The road to hell is paved with good
intentions!" (lol).
I was fortunately blessed throughout this journey, despite much tangled trauma and strife,
with scholarship awards which enabled me to pursue and persevere. It is through the generosity
of those scholarship programs and the compassion of this university that I managed to make it
to this point. My most recently amended goal of defending my thesis December, 2009 have
been successful. I am presendy writing the revisions with overwhelming joy and satisfaction at
having completed what I set out to accomplish.. .and this has been a tremendously expensive
suicide prevention (lol)!
Financial Considerations
I was initially prepared to budget a total of $1000.00 to facilitate the completion of my
research.
Photocopying

$ 200.00

Phone Calls

$ 200.00

Gifts/Honorariums

$ 200.00

Postage

$ 200.00

Other Expenses

$ 200.00

Total

$1000.00

At this time, due to my devastating financial situation, (I have been engaged in a nasty,
ongoing battle with the NSL since 2002 and my credit has been completely obliterated) and
due to the lengthy duration of my illness and lack of adequate and appropriate medical
treatment, I have lost everything. I have absolutely zero dollars with which to budget for
completion of this research study, other than the scholarship I was recendy blessed with. (I no

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longer qualify for student loans as I have apparently met my lifetime maximum limit). I continue
to receive my disability income, thankfully, but I live in fear each day that this might be revoked
for some reason unbeknownst to and uncontrollable by me. This sense of powerlessness and
dependence leaves me in a state of imminent despair. I am ever-grateful for the generosity and
helpfulness of my supervisor whose fantastic wisdom and creativity have been utilized to find
ways to see this journey to graduation. And I give tremendous thanks to the goddesses and
again to the scholarship awards donators and committees as mentioned in the previous section.

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C H A P T E R FIVE
SO WHAT?
Findings
Most importantly, I have learned from this study that women's experiences and perceptions
of invisible illness and dis/ability are incredibly subjective. But having said this, collectively,
isolation, poverty, depression/sadness, shame, fear, powerlessness, and the frustration presented
by the invisibility of the illness itself, were overwhelmingly reported in this study as the most
devastating challenges these women experienced as they maneuvered through the various
medical, employment, and political systems. ChaChaCroivBear writes: "Shame and sorrow were
the challenges.. .to move Thru them was the work. So my getting sick forced me to get well...
ironically... paradoxically ... twistedly... (2009, participant interview). And Kali writes: "I
believe that putting me in the hospital and putting me on heavy sedating medications without
any talk therapy, without the coherence to be able to even say what I was feeling or what I may
have needed for myself, was devastating for me and for my children" (2009, participant
interview).
Challenges included accessing and receiving adequate medical services and treatments, in a
timely manner.

Venus shares:

The most challenging aspect has been financial...it takes two or three years to recoup and
then I am back in the throws of the disease again.. .Because this illness is invisible and
intermittent in the way it debilitates me people, often don't get the seriousness or degree of
my issue.. .1 have learned to 'give er' and excel when I can, then 'go down' when the disease
is rearing its ugly head.. .very frustrating" (2009, participant interview)!
Kali describes this:
.. .hard to say what is the most challenging but equally hard I would have to say the lack of
support from my agency was a very challenging part of the process because I never knew

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where I stood with my link to my income and my financial ability to keep afloat... and the
children and not having them cared for and not having them understand to this day what
went on and my constant questioning my abilities... (2009, participant interview).
Based on what was described by the participants, I found evidence supporting possible
correlation (to be further explored in a quantitative study) between personal and social resources,
finance, perception (self and others) of illness, and overall individual health. This led me to
question might social connectedness also contribute to women's abilities to maneuver through
the various processes, including accessing medical care, dealing with employers, and overall
perception of self and illness? Is social connectedness an important indicator into how women
might experience invisible illness and dis/ability? For instance, are the experiences of women
who are well connected to her family, friends and community versus the experiences of women
who are relatively disconnected/isolated from family, friends, community (ie. 'transplanted' for
employment) dis/similar in regard to invisible illness? This emerging theory was supported in
the data provided by the participants in this study. The study developed into an examination of
the potential impact of class and wealth in the female experience of invisible illness/dis/ability
and is something to be explored in further studies.
Those participants who listed a variety of support systems, for example, spouses, immediate
family (specifically mothers, and children), and available close proximal friendships, as well as
positive work environments, tended to have the most positive outlooks of their situations.
ChaChaCroivBear writes: "I have Sisters and I have a Circle of WomenFriends who Love me a
lot.. .and I have GrandFathers and GrandMofhers

My grandson stayed with me a lot, he loves

me.. .we are tight.. .my sister let me stay in her basement, my brother-in law..is the only Man
who never left m e " (2009, participant interview). Venus writes that "women are so amazing to be
able to have the depth and insight of character to be able to extend their caring to others during

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times of personal distress.. .1 got allot of support from my girlfriends.. .more so than my family"
(2009, participant interview/
Those women who described a combination of solid friendship networks and healthy family
supports as well as the financial means with which to access timely medical services/treatment,
seemed to not experience the isolation (that is often symptomatically associated with disability)
to the same degree as those participants who were not as well grounded or connected to her
community.

ChaChaCrowBear sings: ".. .if not for getting by with a little help from my

friendzzz" (2009, participant interview,). And Venus adds; "I have had girlfriends do housework
and help with my son. My husband met me while I was on a disability and was quite willing to
get involved with me despite my illness. H e really excels when he has to take care of me.. .1 am
nurtured by him.. .he has brought economic stability" (2009, participant interview).
Perhaps women with emotional or geographical disconnect from family, friendships and
other social supports might be more inclined to suffer more intense depressing factors of
invisible disability, lending itself to the possibility that she be further marginalized by the existing
structures within the system that tend to blame and re-victimize women for their
situations... thereby reinforcing the cycle of oppression... ChaChaCrowRear sarcastically laughs:
"LOL the medical model sucks.. .the MedicineWheel encompasses A L L . . . " (2009, participant
interview,).
One participant identified "excruciating" social isolation and devastating financial loss due to
the "debilitative nature" of her illness. She described some of the most profoundly negative,
heartbreaking, and hopeless experiences. She presented tremendous loss and grief, similar to
someone in mourning 38. She mentioned that the past two years of counseling was helping
improve her functioning and overall outlook, compared to a number of previously unsuccessful

38

1 am curious to learn if perhaps her suffering might be reduced through positive social connections.

163

counseling attempts 39 (2009, participant interview, He/). And Venus writes: "I always had
emotional support but no financial support" (2009, participant interview). Kali offers this:
I didn't however have anyone that was family that was able to come and help take care of my
children for any length of time. My oldest sister came to help me for about two weeks but
she had family of her own that were still being raised and needed her assistance. I did have
friends who stayed with me some nights and slept over at my house to help to relieve some
of the pressure as the children became very high needs because of their own fears, and
disbelief (2009, participant interview).
It seems that isolation, when combined with poverty, increases the anxiety and stress related
to accessing medical treatment and services, and I suspect this would potentially increase any
existing physiological and psychological symptoms of the dis/ability. The women who reported
less intense financial struggles did report frustration with their invisible illness, but to a lesser
degree.
Those participants who expressed having litde or no financial difficulty 40 accessing services
and who had the ability to travel comfortably to and from communities for necessary specialist
appointments/ consultations, surgeries, follow-up care did not describe as much frustration or
futility compared to those participants for whom inadequate funds were paramount to perceived
poor quality of care. And they did not refer as strongly to experiencing delays or lack of medical
treatment.

39
She referred to previous attempts to get help as "abusive, unhelpful, and horribly oppressive largely due to
language/ cultural barriers (incidentally, the counselors/psychiatrists she was referred to were older, East Indian
males), gender bias, and an inability to communicate issues of trauma, poverty and sexual abuse" (2009, participant
interview, He/).
40
One participant who later dropped out of the study (for undisclosed reasons) did not report any financial issues
because she stated that she and her spouse both had very good extended heath care plans which she was able to
access freely. She claimed to manage her illness with "good self-care" and the "support of her spouse" (2009,
participant interview, Lis). She expressed gratitude that because both of them were employed and their extended
health coverage plans provided dual coverage, she was able to monopolize on this to use a variety of services that
would otherwise be unaffordable.

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Powerlessness is the common experience described by the participants which includes
needing something, (or something is needed of us), but it remains beyond our ability or reach.
An overall sense of powerlessness emerged from within the data, (some participants
acknowledged this, whereas others implied it). This sense of powerlessness is extends itself to
not only the individual experiencing the invisible illness/dis/ability but also those around her. It
is also painful and unbearable for loved ones to witness our suffering while they stand by in
relative helplessness. "My son has been greatly affected by my illness.. .but he is a social worker
today and I hope that some of that passion came from helping me to successfully live with and
indeed overcome my illness" (2009, participant interview, Venus). He/shares the following:
I die more each day, knowing how much my son misses his 'old' mom... his frequent
statements such as "I just want my mom back! You're so puny and weak now I'm always
afraid you're gonna break.. .you never used to have to ask for help now you can't do
anything" are simply heartbreaking reminders of the tremendous loss my illness has caused.
"We used to wresde and play-fight, now he has to be so g e n d c . i t scares him
still.. .sometimes he forgets, a playful jab to my arm, challenging me.. .regret.. .it is so
difficult to witness his grief, which is constant reminder of my own.. .(2009, participant
interview).
Fear was prevalent throughout the data, and it was expressed by one participant that she has
no financial means to hire a caregiver when/if she receives intestinal repair surgery, and she is
neither nearby close friends nor family. She jokingly referred to herself as " G U D " 41. She has
no idea how she is going to tend to her surgical dressings, and due to the intimate nature and
debilitating factors of her illness, she would "not feel comfortable asking just anyone" (2009,
participant interview, Hei). Venus describes her fear: "I was always aware that as a single mom,

41

geographically undesirable.

165

if I looked like I couldn't take care of my son, then they might take him away.. .1 lived with the
fear of asking for help (2009, participant interview).
Helidentifies

her fear of being cut off disability and her constant frustration in the following

passage:
I can't work one job, let alone, three jobs like I used to just to pay the bills.. .and if the
doctors refuse to complete the forms, (I had a specialist tell me "that's not my job") the
employer/disability services doesn't pay the money.. .so because there is a doctor shortage,
therefore I can't get a doctor in another community, and when I do get an interview, the
new doctors are so overwhelmed and troubled by the complexity of my situation, they won't
touch me with a ten foot pole! So I am forced to continue to travel between 3 communities,
up to 10 hours driving (one way) between them whenever my appointments are scheduled,
and I have little control over the scheduling of these appointments... I have spent a fortune,
(and I lost everything including my horses, vehicles, furniture, in the process) because
medical travel, moving, and living expenses has left me destitute, but still the government
continues to bludgeon me.. .they steal every penny they can possibly grab.. .most insulting is
that 8 years into this and I'm still not fixed!" (2009, participant interview).
And ChaChaCrowBear describes similar fear of losing her income also: "I was afraid all the
time now that I knew how sick I was, anxiety, and depression were constant.. .1 was scared it
(long term disability) would not be allowed by my employer.. .1 hated it that I was fearful every
month, that my cheque would not c o m e . . . " (2009, participant interview).
The division between "deserving and undeserving" becomes very visible when we are
exploring invisible dis/ability. All the participants expressed that they felt guilty for acquiring an
invisible illness, implying a need for validation. This validation came by means of labels from
physicians, completion of medical forms, parking permits, medical reports, and disability pay.

166

However, despite the legitimacy of the diseases, the pain, discomfort, and disruption endured by
the participants, most remained (or became) illegitimate and bastardi2ed within their work
environments. Davidson (2001) writes "while diagnosis is in no sense equivalent to a cure,
feelings of immense relief, of recognition and legitimacy are common among newly
diagnosed..." (p. 167) and "having something nameable gives subjects something to work on,
and offers new hope that it is also treatable" (Davidson, 2001, p. 168). All the participants
express frustration from being accused by their colleagues and employers of illegitimately receiving
funds that are supposed to be for people who are "really disabled". Some express that they were
scorned and subjected to verbal assaults, and vicious notes, for using SPARC parking permits
when "clearly they could walk". And a participant describes a heartbreaking situation where she
recalls her picture, on the wall at her work, was defamed.
I found evidence that the subjective nature of individual perception of illness/health, and
normalization might lend itself to the debilitative/degenerative natures of the actual (selfdescribed) illnesses and to changes/adaptations of participant lifestyle (for those participants
who spoke to this), as well as severity of the ailment itself. The participants who described the
most isolation (in a variety of ways) and who were the poorest tended to have the least access to
services and they described some of the more depressed overall circumstances.
All of the participants reported experiences of feeling 'unheard' of being 'devalued' and
'condescended to', and of being treated like a 'complainer' like 'a child', and like they 'had no
choice/say in what happened to them' in regard to the medical system. They all referred to
overwhelming feelings of powerlessness.
A few of the participants described positive experiences at their workplaces in regard to their
peers, and two participants noted that they would not have been aware of disability benefits
programs if a colleague had not intervened. Both would have just left. Hel writes, "I would

167

have just quit my job, and committed suicide because the doctors were not helping me and I was
terrified because of what was happening to my body" (2009, participant interview). Kali
describes that she was aware of the benefits that she would be eligible to receive because she
"had helped to negotiate them" with her union (2009, participant interview).
All the participants described large caseloads and lack of supervision and direction in their
employment. All the participants described workplace isolation and abandonment in regard to
job expectations and training. O n e participant claimed that her work environment was great
before she became sick, but this changed when she went on sick leave. Another participant
stated that her employing agency was extremely abusive when she became ill. And her
experiences in the medical system were horrifically abusive and degrading. She described racism,
ageism, and she endured much workplace violence.
As Kali eloquently describes loss and change in the following poem, the profundity of that
which we take for granted such as rugs, relationships, financial stability and good health has been
a primary theme within this research. Especially how when these are removed or torn from
beneath us we falter like a newborn foal...seeking something to cling to, feebly we attempt to
balance our once steady stance or narrow grasp of reality:
The rug covered that hall, Persian I believe intertwined, rare and beautiful, marked by age it
was pride, as it laid on shiny hard wood the colors so sublime, This rug it was , love and
security always there to warm my feet, there every single day, not moving even taken for
granted, beautiful Back and forth, corners turned fringes and tassles pulled and stretched,
priceless part of life and part of love this masterpiece in cloth stability, security, aged and
rare, colors all in turn I strode across like every day, noticing a slip, pulling steady, balance
was a chance quick steps on the rug, the beginning of the dance questioning I watched my
step, moving side to side. In a hurry, I didn't notice then, the rug had slipped, from under

168

me. I landed on my head, then forward in a crashing way, my knees were red and torn, rug
burn from stability was bruised and stretched and gone Rugs are rugs, beautiful are some,
others simple twisted knots, no symmetry, rags and bags conform no matter where they lay,
they're all the same, they cover up the floor, swept under rugs are many things we all try to
ignore. I like to stand on stable ground and feel what's real look face on and see the shifts
of energy and pain rugs cause burn, deceit and cover up mud in rain bruised knees heal, so
do hearts, nothing heals swept under rug. carrying those scars , the redness goes away at
times I think I may have done it to myself, pulled the rug, landed hard, bruised my head and
heart only time will tell the end, I stand on stable ground again (2009, participant interview).
Presentation of Results
"Given the entrenched inequities within the system, introducing meaningful change will
require challenging the normative practices that currently force women to remain in
disadvantaged position" (Wagner, 2008, p. 101). The results of the data will be presented for
submission of my thesis to the University of Northern British Columbia for thesis defense/
celebration. The finished copy of the thesis will also be presented to those participants of the
study who expressed that they wish to receive a copy. I will also be presenting this information
to the National Association of Social Workers for their review as it directly speaks to their (2003)
statement of non-violence 4 2 .
H o p e , Faith, Spirituality and Forgiveness
".. .with Love Acceptance and a grrrreat therapist, I unlocked the fuckin block!!!blox..."
(2009, participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear). I would like to conclude my thesis with this piece
of writing to honour the triumphs that speak to the strength and survival abilities of the women
who partook of this study. It is my preference always to give bad news first, then offer the

42

See appendices/ supplement section for Statement of non-violence.

169

good, as I find this tends to leave people feeling somewhat uplifted, if not hopeful. Therefore,
this section includes a composite of the kindnesses, nurturings and anecdotes shared by the
participants (and from other conversations and learnings) to prevent this research from
becoming too negatively saturated.
My goal rather, is for this research to be viewed not only from a bittersweet, provocative,
and reality-drenched perspective, but also from a "dark and twisted" 43, neither truly funny nor
entirely politically correct scope. It is my intent that the voices from these pages stir in all of us
the necessity for action and movement towards change. It will be a sacred section honouring
those who have provided us with sustenance, and soul-food throughout our journeys. Hel
shares some darkness :
My poverty and disability have reduced me to a walking-wounded, exposed soul. I feel like I
have been castrated as well as my legs have been broken. I am the eagle in captivity and the
whale whose dorsal fin flops over in sadness. There is no remedy for such despair other
than regaining my health. For me, there is no substitute, only death (2009, participant
interview).
"The shadow starts to emerge, as the person looks to their inner life more, less taken up by
the demands of the external world" (Page, 1999). Throughout this decomposition, my
emotional well state has deteriorated immensely, rendering me permanendy disabled, scarred for
life. Henning (2006) refers to Graves (1990) when she writes "empowerment of people with
disabilities occurs through three strategies: people having the information and knowledge they
need; people having economic opportunities; and people achieving their civil rights" (Henning,
p. 38). And Venus roars, "education is power" (2009, participant interview)!

43

Hel identified a "dark & twisted sense of humour" as her biggest coping mechanism, and similarly, humourous
anecdotes were noted in all the transcripts.

170

The participants question how they might be hopeful in a hopeless system. "Hope is
essential to healing" (De Luca, 2001). I question how I am to encourage other women to be
strong and to be hopeful, when I am incapable of these tasks myself? Pearlman & Saakvitne,
(1995) write, "holding hope with and for our clients is an essential part of their healing. In order
to sustain that ability, we need to be aware of subtle shifts in our own capacity for hope" (p.
392). Notable to the concept of hope is that in my own journey, my UNBC wellness centre
counselor offered to hold hope for me while I am empty of hope for myself 44 and this has freed
me of carrying the burden of guilt for feeling such hopelessness and self-pity. Malmo & Laidlaw
(1999) write:
Outwardly, I appeared competent, cheerful, warm. Inwardly, I felt completely in darkness,
in a body that was slowly fragmenting, shattering, going numb. I didn't understand what was
happening to me. All I knew was that I was slowly edging toward death. This made me feel
very sad and guilty...(, p.108).
Throughout my own journey with invisible illness/dis/ability , I questioned if it is ethical of
me (or any social worker or professional) to work with clients, under the pretentious guise of
social work values and philosophies when, in fact, we are the "walking wounded?" I have paid a
lot of money to be here. Transken (2008) reiterates this sentiment: "being an academic costs me
more than I ever imagined" (p. 222). I questioned also if I could write respectfully 45 because if
not then it would be neither appropriate nor ethical for me to write this thesis. The profession
of social work has already been consumed with hypocrisy and I choose not to contribute to this
toxicity.
I have observed that those adults who were unable to fully experience childhood for reasons

44

I have abundance of hope for others but do to the gross nature of symptoms and suffering, and the intolerable
and lengthy wait for medical care for me, I have long since run out of hope for myself.
4s
For the record the answer is "yes".

171

including abuse, neglect and other trauma who have maintained some sense of childlikeness
appear to have some innate resilience that enables them to handle somewhat effectively, much
of what life throws at them and they seem to have ability to persevere despite tremendous chaos.
And it is interesting to note that many of those people have become social workers. I question
if this might also have anything to do with one's spiritual beliefs and coping strategies (or lack
there of).
Pearlman & Saakvitne (1995) identified that we "seek spiritual renewal", and "remain
hopeful" and that we "take time to have a personal life" (p. 391). Mayuzumi, & Shahjahan
(2008) describe the significance of spirituality in academia as a means by which to alleviate the
suffering.

They refer to what Asante (2003) calls a 'victorious consciousness' (Mayuzumi, &

Shahjahan, p. 196). They also discuss the lack of credibility given to spirituality in many
academic realms which they describe as a symptom of marginalization.
"I have always been active in my faith and so I had a fairly established social support
through this network" (2009, participant interview, Kali). "I have slipped into such a depressed
state that I fear that I will not be able to 'snap out of it.' This has become very scary for me. I
feel hopeless and shame that I have been reduced to this nothing' (2009, participant interview,
Hel). If hopefulness truly is what pulls people up from such places, then I have been blessed to
have found strong women who were willing to have and hold hope for me while I am unable to
do so for myself. He/ shares this:
I find myself in such darkness.. .my world is rain and mud. There is no light. There is no
hope for change or future. My desire to plod onward is depleted and exhausted. I am
tired... The wise old woman in me knows it is time to sleep. She is unable to carry me
further. She has grown weak, weary from the continuous storm that is my life here. She
knows the seed could grow, but she cannot continue to absorb the rain, that has damaged

172

the fertile soil, making it mud.. .drowns the nutrients, limiting the potential for growth. We
are starving.. .empty.. .The shell, outside-skeleton of my wise old woman gazes back at me
from the mirror, wishing she could see her alternate reflection, the youthful, vibrant, healthy
soul. But instead she sees nothing, for my vibrant self is dead, unable to fight physicians,
politicians, employers.. .not measuring up to standards.. .obscure abusive reasons, too weak
to fight such systems any longer... (2009, participant interview).
Jordan (1997) writes that depressed persons prefer isolation as this creates an illusion of less
vulnerability to further abandonment. Baker Miller & Pierce Stiver (1997) similarly discussed
that people develop ways of surviving traumatic situations to avoid becoming re-wounded.
... finding the way back to one's rightful psychic order begins with the feeding of or caring
for a lonely and/ or injured woman, man or beast. That such a child, who will have the
ability to traverse two very different worlds, can come from a woman who is in such a
skinless state and "married" to something in herself of in the outer world that is so lonely
and undeveloped is one of the constant miracles of the psyche (Pinolka Estes, 1992, p. 273).
The division between the conscious and the unconscious can be described as layers, like an
onion peel or limestone that represent adult socialization. What this means is that because we all
have been socialized by our families of origin, our peers, the media, health care and educational
systems, we have prescribed a set of values, rules, and social norms based upon our own
learnings. These concepts shape our both our individual and collective/cultural selves.
Essentially, we have two sides to our psyches; "a light side and a shadow, or dark side" (Seminar,
2003). Many of us recall this famous line, "Luke, come to the dark side" (Lucas, 1977). Jordan
(1997 p. 153) describes that some of the experiences from within our collective our individual
psyches cause us to feel shame. ChaChaCrowBear tells it like this:

173

Being on a disability claim was like being on welfare again kinda.. .the shift from that was
EnergyWork around my relationship with poverty, using it as a negative Self image.. .was so
out of balance for me, I used it often to be Right, to say fuck you to the system, the
capitalists, the Imperialists, the ongoing assaultive oppression of someone is ALWAYS
killing Aboriginal Women.. .when secretly I fuckin L O V E money.. .if I hadda had $ I may
have used it to stay in denial, to just focus on looking good on the outside.. .the power to
Change all the racism and judgmental shit has happened.. .on the inside.. .it is still often the
challenge for me to Remember there are 4 TobaccoBundles hung in the arbour, in the Sweat
Lodge... (2009, participant interview).
Bartky (1999) describes how "self destructive expression" is borne from shame and is
"profoundly disempowering" (p. 97). She also describes how "secrecy and concealment" within
the "shame experience" "isolates the oppressed from one another and in this way works against
the emergence of a sense of solidarity" (p. 97). Danu offers this:
I know I always feel shame when asking for time off to look after my mental disability,
although that has certainly eased in 25 years it is still there. I think after awhile the stigma
gets inside and I know I am always fighting with my head feeling broken, feeling I am not a
valued resource because I have this thing wrong with me that you can't see, that the more I
have to try to convince you, the sicker I sound...when I have been terribly ill with my
invisible illness becomes visible to those who know me; the symptoms of severe depression,
mania and psychosis are unmistakable. It is in the recovery stages from these crises that
friends and family get tired of supporting me, forget that my ego is disintegrated, shattered,
no longer intact. They don't understand why I blame myself and feel shame for this
psychiatric disability. It may not be my fault but it is always my consequences to live
through (2009, participant interview).

174

I forgive myself for this shame. I forgive myself for being only strong enough to come this
far. I forgive myself for being unable to feed my wise old woman at this time, when she has fed
me so much. I forgive myself that I am unable to carry her right now. I forgive myself for
having to be carried, while the "other me," a physically strong-backed, strong willed person who
carries others, lies without breath, bleeding out, on the black pavement...
.. .saved my life. ForReal and not for the first time.. .Dr. (name deleted)... supported me on
applying for long term disability. She is a Healer, in the TrueSense of the Word.. .she
validated my tears, anguish, confusion, fears.. .They Accepted m e . . .1 am a
SpiritualWoman.. .1 Offer them what I have and they Give me what I am... (2009,
participant interview, ChaChaCrowBear).
This study is a "celebration of survival" in keeping with Tuhwai Smith's (1999) strengths
framework.

Venus writes: "Women need to know that it is ok to celebrate their differences

between each other and between men. Take ownership of your health journey. Be assertive, seek
other women to share my story and gain strength form other's journeys" (2009, participant
interview). Danu argues: "Flexibility would go a long way in managing an invisible disability.
The forms you fill out and the paper work you go through makes you feel like you are dishonest
and trying to scam or get something for nothing; it would be nice to be treated with integrity.
More respect for dignity and privacy" (2009, participant interview). And Kali offers this: "I
would create a safe place for women, men and the children financially to get through the rough
days and places of the journey" (2009, participant interview).
This journey with invisible illness/disability has taught me to recognize how our psyches
find creative ways to warn us of potential danger and how it enables us to act out socially
inappropriate responses to real events, through the images and actions of our dreams and

175

through artistic, creative outlets including humour, spirituality, and poetry 46, as in the following
delightful piece:
As Kali, the Hindu goddess, I have had my ego challenged, stepped on, torn down and
killed. I picked up my remaining body parts and stand with the skeletons of the masks of my
past that have become my jewelry. I stand as Mother of beautiful children that will have to
fight their own demons and I will be there, naked, willing and able to guide them through
life's journey, their pains and their sufferings. I have turned my palms down and given the
world back to Christ to carry the weight of the world. I relinquish my position of power and
pick up the wisdom, and love of the future (2009, participant interview, Kali).
Although my own medical situation increases intensity every day, and I can barely tolerate
the amount of incontinence accompanied with the excruciating pain it brings to my pelvic area,
and despite the increasing frequency and duration of the yet undiagnosed seizures and despite
that I have become very alone and empty with nothing to contribute, other than an 'insight to
insanity', (and a morbidly twisted sense of humor, lol) I manage somehow to remain
pessimistically optimistic because my research contribution might provoke thoughts and
discussions about how we have become desensitized to the nature of gender-violence and have
condoned and reinforced it within our own structures. From this study and process I am
hopeful that we will work towards creating necessary societal, professional, and legislative
changes that will improve the quality of life for all women. And I am pessimistically optimistic
that the profession of social work will one day step back to reexamine its own internal policies

46

Poetry is a creative energy that is generated from deep within the psyche. I am grateful to Dr. Transken for
encouraging and supporting the development and exploration of the creative energies form her students, and for
illustrating how poetry can be woven into scholarly, academic work. I thank her also for introducing me to the
works of scholars/authors (including her own) who incorporate such inspiring techniques that enrich the research
process. I appreciate the opportunity to nurture and channel the development of my own creative energies
throughout my ongoing healing and academic journeys.

176

that have contributed to the ongoing historical marginalization and oppression of those whom
provide social services to others similarly oppressed.
Wagner (2008) writes that when we close our eyes to the violence that women are subjected
to, and when we fail to intervene, we are guilty of limiting women's full participation in society.
And she argues that when we pretend that violence against women is not the common
experience of most women, we "collude in the silencing" (p. 101).
Despite the fact that women have contributed significantly to the development of humanity
and community, we have been raped, sold, silenced, and subordinated by the masculinized
structures that were designed as a means with which to dominate us. Frankly, the concept of
choice has been merely an illusion created by our captors, in order to punish us further for our
inabilities or refusals to submit. In this way, when women are observed behaving "badly" they
can be persecuted for having made such "poor choices". This takes away onus from those who
placed her in the position of fighting for survival in the first place.
The concept of male domination over women that I have illustrated throughout this paper
has remained constant and has presented itself as a challenge to feminist women (scholars) in
society both past and present. I believe that I am in small but good company when I leap into
the realm in which I propose that society has contributed to and not always quiedy condoned
the marketing of women as a disposable commodity.
Women are, unfortunately, equally guilty of this. For example, many women continue to
view marriage as a proper life choice and that this union between a man and a woman "entides"
her to benefits from the relationship. These married women then regard the single mother, the
street prostitute, the escort, the mistress "other*' with alarming cuntempt and distrust. This is a
phenomenon described by Shaw & Lee (2004) as "horizontal hostility" which is "when
individuals direct their resentment and anger onto those of equal or lesser status" (p. 69).

177

I propose that women become brutally honest with themselves, and acknowledge the painful
similarities, as witnessed (and experienced) from a survival lens, rather than from a lens
manifested and structurally reinforced by those who would as easily have traded her for
something more potentially marketable, and that we collectively refuse to tolerate fear-based
existence, vehemently recognizing that we are on the same team. As CbaChaCrowbear gives us
in her wisdom: ".. .my experiences boiled down to.. .MYOwnBeing.. .the invisible made me
Seeeee and Feel my Way" (2009, participant interview).

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Cjocfdess Names/Siograpfiies

47

ChaChaCrowBear
is the name bestowed upon this participant by her grandson. "ChaCha is shortfor
Chapan which is GreatGrandParent in Cree, there is no gender diff whenyou reach that level, both are
Chapan ... I am Kokum {GrandMother in Cree} but GrandDaughter shortened it to KoKo ...so I have
movedfrom KoKo to ChaCha... Kind Wordz^ ..." (ChaChaCrowbear, 2009). She wears this name with
honour, dignity, pride, and the strength of her grandmothers, sisters and those who walk the path alongside
her...sometimes they carry her when her own limbs grow weary, and for this she is grateful. She speaks with
much wisdom and her words echo the wind, the beat of drums...her heartpounds ever-strong.
Sidhe (pronounced Shee) is the Irish word for a hill or a mound, in which live the fairy folk, the Tuatha De
Danann—the people of the goddess Danu. Danu, or Mother Earth, is a universal mother goddess and the
guardian of the earth and the moon. This goddess of plenty is the greatest of all Irish goddesses, the ancestor
of all the gods, providing prosperity and concerning herself with all aspects of life, including health, fertility,
and comfort. The sidhe remind us that sometimes whenyou look beneath the surface, you find a goddess to
welcomeyou (1996).
Mel is the ruler of the Norse underworld. Because she symbolizes the dual nature of all things, she appears
both monstrous and beautiful, reminding us how life and death are interrelated. Theyoungest child of the
trickster god'Lo<ki and the giantess Angroboda, she was kidnapped and cast into Helheim, the realm of
death, at the bottom of the universe. This was not a place of punishment (although the Christian hell is
named after this goddess), merely where the dead were sent, especially those who died of sickness or old age.
Hel rides a horse—a nightmare—foretelling death (1996)
A. moon goddess, Isis has the power to give and restore life; she is also the goddess of medicine and wisdom.
Isis is the wife of Osiris, king of the gods. Seth, their jealous brother, murdered Osiris, dismembered him, and
scattered the remains across Egypt; Isis collected all the pieces and brought Osiris back to life. Horus, the son
of Isis and Osiris, later defeated Seth to become the first ruler of Egypt. Isis's other names include Queen of
the Earth, Goddess ofUfe and Healing, and Protectress of the dead (1981).
Kali Kali's name literally means "the Black One. "According to a less probable etymology, Kali is the
feminine form ofKala, "time." She represents the aspect of the goddess that is commonly known as the
"Destroyer." She is referred to as" Terrible Mother", "Black Mother Time", or the "Black One". She
symbolizes inexorable force of time, which devours and destroys everything in its path. Here black color,
suggestive of the darkness that is at the beginning and at the end of life, reminds us of the inevitable
confrontation with our own mortality. Instead of colorful jewels that adorn other goddesses, Kali adorns her
otherwise naked body with skulls and limbs around her neck and waist. Kali's image, enhanced with trickles
of blood emanatingfrom herfanglike teeth, gaping mouth, and lolling tongue, is reinforced by disheveled hair,

47

The participants chose the goddess name/pseudonym they wished to use for (confidentiality) purposes of
this study. I provided a list from Susan Elanor Boulet Trust (2004). Goddesses: 2005 Calendar. Petaluma,
California: Pomegranate Communications, Inc. If a participant was unable to make a decision, she asked me
to please help her choose a name. I helped them with this, based on information they had shared and the
strengths I recognized in what they had shared with me. Some participants had names picked out and provided
the reference information or details of the name. Reference info for Kali is cited from Agha-Jaffar, T. (2005).
(.Ed.). Women and goddesses: In myth and sacred text: An anthology. Kansas City, Kansas Community
College: Pearson Education Inc

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a bloodshot, penetrating stare, and a severed head that she dangles from one of her four hands.
She is frequently depicted dancing on the corpse of her "spouse" Siva in what some have interpreted as a
sexually explicit gesture denoting—andpromoting—-female autonomy (Agha-Jaffar, 2005, p. 163).
Despite her mask of outwardly frightening persona, Kali has the spirit of a warrior. She is a ferociously
protective mother, a tender and nurturing caregiver and she passionately loyal andprotective of her loved ones.
The name of Venus is synonymous with female charm and sexualpoteny. Venus herself is a god striking
affirmation of the love of beauty and the pleasures of the senses. This roman goddess presides over motherhood
and marriage in her role as Venus Genetrix. Originally a goddess of vegetation who brought bounty to
gardens and vineyards, she was later equated with Aphrodite, assuming many of her aspects and history. She
achieved even greater importance when influential Roman politicians embraced the cult of Venus; Julius
Caesar and the emperor Augustus claimed her as an ancestor of theirfamily (1987).

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CASW/ACTS - Statement on non-violence
Press Release
Ottawa, Februaray 20, 2003
Statement on non-violence
Social workers in Canada will celebrate 2003 National Social Work Week under the theme
"Social Work for Social Justice", a reflection of the social work profession's long-standing
commitment to social justice, peace, and non-violence. Such a commitment is very relevant
given today's reality in which people who take control with fists, weapons and other unjust
means devastate families and communities. The devastation is evident in the continuing
high incidence of poverty, ongoing social injustice, continued reports of child abuse and
violent deaths.
The Canadian Association of Social Workers, representing over 18,000 social workers in
Canada, advocates for solutions to conflict that are based on principles of justice and
compassion for humanity. At this time of turmoil in the world, we join the International
Federation of Social Workers (IFSW) and others worldwide to challenge those in power to
show their respect for human life and choose non-violent solutions to conflict. The priority
must be to avoid the unnecessary suffering of citizens in all countries and especially those
where people are already marginalized and disadvantaged as a result of conflict and
economic strife.
All countries that claim to be just societies are compelled to continue to seek alternatives to
war and conflict and to uphold the dignity of all people.
Modified Monday, June 16, 2003 10:33 (retrieved from 21 November 2003 from
http://www.casw-acts.ca/advocacy/non-violence e.htm).