Glans of Clitoris Urethral Openi Vaginal Opening Picture by Erin Arding 14 SEPTEMBER 8, 2003 Prepuce of Clitoris Frenulum of Clitoris Labium Majus Eat This Article By Jeremy Stewart First of all, I’d just like to say that I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on women’s orgasms... but I'd like to become one. In fact, I’d like anyone who wants to become an expert on women’s orgasms to become one. Why not? People are always writing about how most women don’t have orgasms very often, and how some don’t have any at all. No one ever writes that men don’t have orgasms. Clearly, something is somehow unfair. Were my ex-girlfriends all fak- ing? The possibility has crossed my mind, and I’m just not sure that | could trust any of them to tell me truthfully now, even if they didn’t just slap me for ask- ing. I want to believe that they must have really been having orgasms at least some of the time. Otherwise, why didn’t they say anything about it? My manly pride was at stake! Maybe they didn’t want to embarrass me. Maybe they were embarrassed. Maybe they had never had any orgasms, so they figured they actually were hav- ing them, but weren’t. Ouch! That would be very sad. An orgasm can be a very beautiful thing. Oh, sure, it’s not the only thing. There’s cuddling, and closeness, and all that intimacy stuff. But imagine for a minute, if you will, that you’re watching a movie, and the plot has gotten toa really Steamy part, and any minute now, the killer is going to strike, or the man’s going to tell the woman how he feels, or Santa Claus is going to jump out of the cake, and then! Your partner gets up, turns off the VCR, sighs deeply, tells you he or she loves you, and falls asleep. What a rip! That was a five-dollar rental, and you have to work tomorrow! Is there a feminine equivalent to blue balls, perhaps... indigo Ovaries? Most people aim to please. Relationships are partnerships, and at the end of the day, they pretty much have to be equal to work. For reasons other than personal pride, lovers usually want to carry their own weight in their relationships. They want to share good things with their part- ners! Why don’t they find out how? Are they too embarrassed to research things they’re perfect- ly willing to blunder through in life? So | typed “how to have an orgasm” into Google. 1 figured that it’s at least partly a woman’s responsibility to help to achieve their own orgasms, and that no matter how much their partner wants to ‘give’ one to them, if they don’t -know how to have them, you might say they were ‘screwed.’ A wealth of helpful informa- tion assembled itself before me. The sites I checked out instructed women to begin by practicing masturbation without expecta- tions. This meant that a woman should make time for herself, during which she would not be disturbed, to explore her body thoroughly to find out what feels good, where to touch, how to touch. One website compared the feminine orgasm to a slippery bar of soap: the more one tries to grab a hold of it, the more it slips away, You might say that women have Taoist orgasms, in that the journey should be made without the expectation of arrival. Those kinds of expectations can be the distraction that makes a delicate business untenable. It was also pointed out that what commonly gets viewed as the main part of sex in this cul- ture, namely, Vaginal penetration, is actually the least likely type of stimulation to result in a female orgasm. The part of sex most likely to permit female orgasm is the same part that our phallocen- tric society so disrespectfully derides as foreplay. Clitoral stim- ulation is, according to those who don’t hesitate to call themselves experts, the best way to bring about a woman’s orgasm. More than one resource recommended the use of a vibrator together with clitoral stimulation. One site thoughtfully took the extra time to point out that a partner shouldn't see a vibrator as com- petition, but as a tool. As the site professed, “if she’s using the vibrator and kissing you at the same time, you are making love.” I’m sure that this perspective would be a comfort to many. All of this adds up toa concept of lovemaking very different from the movies. Partners may climax at different times, the mis- sionary position may be a waste of time, and verbal communica- tion may be required. Oh, gee whiz! Are these changes that any would be unwilling to make for the sake of the good that can be accomplished? Perhaps some women would object even to experimental masturbation. Maybe there’s a way that one could practice with their partner within a pressure-free atmos- phere? None of the websites tried to claim that a vibrator was necessary, either; only that it could potentially be helpful. There are some people that may have personal reasons for object- ing to that kind of thing, and it’s not our business to try and sway them. We're only trying to help.