over The EDGE page II | Wednesday, Sept 20, 1995
a eS a ee EE SS SSS SSS SSS SEE Se

DEMIAN'S DICTIONARY

- brought to you by Demian Young

Administration, n.-the golden
land of imagination
Cafeteria, n.-feeding the leaders

of tomorrow with the coleslaw of

yesterday

Degree, n.-receipt from post-
secondary institution showing
that one has given time and
money to gather information that
would not have been needed in

originally on a specific topic by
gathering facts and ideas from
proven scholars in the field
Freedom, n.-what one gains
upon death and/or divorce
Human, n.-what cannot be
found answering a phone at
UNBCLove, n.-what cannot be
found answering a phone at
UNBC

Textbook, n.-the collection of
wisdom, priced $89.95, best able
to hold up a desk leg

Tuition, n.-money redistributed
to subsidize education of science
students

University, n.-place one enrolls
in to buy information and
acceptance from the previous
generation

TOP TEN

- by Vince Yim

Top 10 things to do with tt
paper after you finish reading
it

10. Read it again (Oh, Joy! Oh,
Rapture! Fa-boo!)

9. Use it to line your pet para-
keet's cage

ee

7. Make origami Pterodactyls

(CAW! CAW! CAW!)

6. Use it to wrap Fish & Chips.

They do that in England, you
know.

Re-read it and look for spelll-
ing mistaix an' gruhmattikuhl
errerz. Guud luk becuz thair
ain't noh spellling mistaix.
Huuktt on Fonicks wurkt phor
uss, u know.

the workplace Relationship, n.-what aguy has § Wisdom, n.-accidental by- 8. Use it as a handy-dandy place- 4, Reduce, Re-use, RECYCLE!
Essay, n.-an assigment showing _— with a girl who refuses to go out _ product of post-secondary mat
that one can think logically and — with him eduacation svstem 3. Count how many times you

will find the words "Structural
Isomers" together. That's
pretty easy. One.

45/09/95

2. Read it backwards and look
for subliminal messages.
(yenom ruoy lla miy ecniv
evig)

ASK DR.
MORNING*STAR

_ ADVICE ON THE ESOTERIC and the mundane

D ea r D r D ear Ti red 5 breath. “Bill” grabbed me and

dragged me out of the room and.down
| too am getting tired,

the stairs, and I was headed for the
a tired of listening to you guys

* front door when he stopped me ‘cause
| O rn i Nn g whine about reverse

—

. Make winter jackets out of all
the pages.

uRBan
eVENts
cALleNdar

I was naked. We turned on all the
discrimination. If you gota lights and grabbed our coats and some
problem, do something about it.

old track pants from the hall closet
Get a petition going and send it and took off as fast as we could. We
to student services with a list of

Oct 8th:

Purge

got in our car and started driving to
NS r demands. Do you thin

Recently I read an article in
your newspaper from some guy who
is sick of being discriminated against
because he’s a white male. I just wan
to say I agree with him 100%. A
couple of days ago I was standing

outside the women’s centre on |
campus talking to a female frigty

mine. There was some meetité
on or conference or somethin
the ladies were passing out che
crackers and other munchies.

Gs

I was with was offered somethip A but
I was totally ignored, the woman
passing things out pulled the tray
away from me and put her nose in the
air like I was trash, simply “cause I’m
a guy. Are they allowed to be that
rude. Who’s funding their little
centre anyway. Us students that’s
who, male and female. I say we
either kick ‘em out or open a Male
conference room for guys only. I bet
that would go over big-time. They’d
probably put us in the basement and
then force us to go co-ed within a
semester. What can we males do to
get a little respect around here???

Signed,

Tired of being Bashed

; Morning*Star

The other night my
boyfriend and I were fast asleep,
when I woke up to a really strange
sound. I shook “Bill” awake and told
him to listen. We both sat there quiet
for awhile and were just about to fall
back to sleep when we heard it again.

It started off as a growl and rose to

almost a screech. By this time we
were both scared out of our wits, and
when I looked over to the door to the
crawlspace where the sound was
coming from, the door opened all by
itself and I saw a pair of red eyes
staring back at me. I froze and tried
to scream, but I couldn’t get my

my parents place. We were both
I was almost hysterical.
inutes Aa: and

*00 in the morning, and

“> we figured my parents would think

we were nuts, and besides we didn’t
it to wake them. When we got
ack to the house we found out we

“had left the front door wide open and

all the lights were still on. I refused to
go back upstairs but “Bill” did (with a
baseball bat) and was gone for a bout
5 minutes. I got scared and screamed
at him to get his butt back downstairs,
and he came down and told me the
door to the crawlspace was closed,
and every thing seemed quiet. We
turned the T.V. on loud and crashed
on the floor of our living room, where
we’ve been sleeping ever since. All
our friends think were acting
paranoid, but I’m scared to go back
into our room, even during the
daytime, let alone sleep there. I can’t
even have a shower alone, which is
down the hall from our bedroom ,
unless” Bill” sits-on the toilet and
keeps me company. I won’t let him
close the door either. Do you think
I’m over-reacting? Is there something
I can do to gain control of myself and

Total Deth ©

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