ARTS

OVER THE EDGE NEWSPAPER. OCTOBER 27 , 2006

Traveling onthe Cheap

Internet folk; not typically this frightening

DANA SCHWEHR
CONTRIBUTOR

Against my better judgment, I recently
went with a friend of questionable intel-
ligence on a tour of Victoria, Vancouver,
and Seattle.

I was filled with trepidation - not be-
cause I was leaving the country for the
first time in my life, but because she had
decided I would be staying. with friends
of hers from various Internet message
boards. I presumed these so-called
_ “friends, who I had never met, would
turn out to be at the very least, sundry
rascals, and in all probability I expected

them to be mustachioed pedophiles.
However, to my surprise and delight,
I met many nice new friends, and was
at no point in time stabbed in the face,
raped, sold into slavery, or turned into a
vest and pair of loafers.

Traveling, while an enjoyable pastime,
can be prohibitively expensive. Plane
tickets, hotels, food, and just being tour-
isty adds up quickly. However, thanks
to the new technology of the Internet,
it is possible to eliminate some of those
costs almost entirely by staying with
people you've met online. Unfortunately,
there is so much negative hype about the

DANA SCHWEHR

perverts and rapists and other assorted
creepies who people the Internet, that
very few people are willing to make use
of this valuable resource. Fortunately for
travelers everywhere, I, with my faith-
ful sidekick Kathleen, have braved the
dangers-of the Intertron to bust these
myths,

The first stop on our journey was
the lovely city of Victoria, where we
were royally entertained by the crew of
LoadingReadyRun.com. They gave us
a place to stay, and saved us from the
mistake of having high tea at the Emp-
ress, where is apparently $30 for “a cup

of tea and a few cucumber sandwiches’.
They advised going to the James Bay
Tea Room instead, but as we were al-
ready busy feeding seals, helping with
special effects, and getting up to general
douchebaggery, we just didn't have time
to fit it in. Thanks to Graham, Morgan,
Bill, and the rest, we had a ton of fun and
were not carried off by any of Victoria's
homeless people to be used as pillows.
Next on our itinerary was a brief over-
night stop in Vancouver, which was not
a giant danger, as that is Kathleen's new
hometown. After a delicious sushi din-
ner in the commercial level of her apart-
ment building, we made a late-night run
to Burnaby to drop off some props to
some more Internet people. This was
actually one of the more potentially
dangerous parts of our trip, as Brad (a
member of Vancouver's Zombie Mil-
itia) had found it necessary to threaten
us with his newly acquired Nerf sniper
rifle. Thanks to some quick-witted ban-
ter, Kathleen and I were able to diffuse
the situation, and no shots were fired.

“The Internets, like dark
alleys, can be surprisingly
amazing. This nice little
scene is brought to you

‘courtesy of a dark alley in

downtown Victoria, and

the letters D and K.”

After a small amount of shopping,
Kathleen and I were off to Seattle. We
were slightly worried, as some of our

friends enjoy evil pranks, and we were

unsure if any of them had felt it neces-
saty to “warn” the FBI that we were
smuggling C4 in our bottoms. Fortunat-
ely for us, Dave was otherwise engaged
that day, so our stop at the border was
brief, and involved no cavity searches.
In Seattle, we were to meet up with

How ee to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet

: a §
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Kathleen's friend Chris, who she met
on the Dumbrella Comics forum. We
left our bags at his house, and were off
to meet James, also of Dumbrella fame.
James took us on a whirlwind tour of
some of Seattle's finest spots, which in-
cluded a Vietnamese cafe, an Asian mar-
ket, and Seattle's Ride Free Zone on the
public transit system. We had to make
our tour fast, as we had tickets to see
Muse in the Paramount Theatre. James
met up with us after the show, and took
us to Seattle Dick's, It turns out that the
taste of Seattle Dick’s is something that
all visitors to the area should seek out.
Dick's is the cheapest, most delicious
burger joint I have been to, and they do
not include onions on their burgers. I
will put Dick's in my mouth again.

Now that you know just how wonder-
ful a trip with Internet people can be,
you are probably wondering how you
can have that much fun yourself. The
first step is to get on the Internets and
start making friends. An easy way to do
this is to sign up to an online forum of
your choice. It is a good idea to sign up
for one that mirrors your interests. Ask
friends about the message boards they
frequent, because chances are they have
friends from other cities who would be
more than willing to be your friend too,
It is important to know that whatever
forum you choose is not full of rapists
and murderers, so using ones where you
personally know some of the members is
always an excellent plan.

It is important to note that making
friends over the Interweb can take time,
so it is not recommended that you intro-
duce yourself as someone looking for a
place to-stay next week. Not only does
this open you to the danger of staying
with someone who might stab you in
the face, but it makes the people on the
forum think that you are weird. This
will lessen your chances of finding a
place to stay. Take your time, and get to
know people first.

So, go forth with your new-found
knowledge, and start getting to know the
wonderful world of the Internets. While .
it is true that everyone on the Internet is
a 40-year-old man, not everyone on the
Internet is a sex-crazed maniac waiting
to cook you for dinner.