OcrTosER 8, 2003 | Cutrure 21

It’s not just the weathe

By Samantha Bennett

You live next door to a clean-cut,
quiet guy. He never plays loud
music or throws raucous parties.
He doesn’t gossip over the fence,
just smiles politely and offers you
some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-
for, his house is neat as a pin and
you get the feeling he doesn’t
always lock his front door. He
wears Dockers. You hardly know
he’s there.

And then one day you discover
that he has pot in his basement,
spends his weekends at peace
marches and that guy you've seen
mowing the yard is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that
you may have forgotten they’re up
there, but they’ve been busy doing
some surprising things. It’s like
discovering that the mice you are
dimly aware of in your attic have
been building an _ espresso
machine.

Did you realize, for example,
that our reliable little tag-along
brother never joined the Coalition
of the Willing? Canada wasn’t
willing, as it turns out, to join the
fun in Iraq. I can only assume
American diner menus weren’t
angrily changed to include “free-
dom bacon,” because nobody here

Outdoors
Club
Returns
from
Jasper

By Katie Rammit

Once again the UNBC Outdoors
Club had a blast on its annual
Jasper Trip. Everyone came to
know each other Friday night by
the fire, aided by drinks and guitar
music.

On Saturday, the events started,
groups dispersing in all directions.
A group of hikers ended up at
Geraldine Lake for an overnighter.
Another group bushwhacked
around Christina Lake, which
took longer than expected. The
mountain bike squad did the
Valley of Five Lakes. One group
hiked the tram trail up Whistler
Mountain and along its ridges.
Another adventurous group tried
their hands at rock climbing, with
great success. Saturday night we
weren't the only ones having a
good time; the elk were mating!
There is nothing like hearing a
horny male elk screech in the mid-
dle of the night.

On Sunday, everyone headed
home. Some people stopped for
day hikes and lookouts in the

Icefields. All in all, everybody had .

a great time, made it back alive,
and all are looking forward to the
Smithers trip in January.

eats the stuff anyway.

And then there’s the wild drug
situation: Canadian doctors are
authorized to dispense medical
marijuana. Parliament is consider-
ing legislation that would not
exactly legalize marijuana posses-
sion, as you may have heard, but

“The Canadians are

Canada has strict gun control laws,
which means that the criminals
must all be heavily armed, the law-
abiding civilians helpless and the
government on the verge of a mas-
sive confiscation campaign. (The
laws have been in place since the
‘70s, but I’m sure the government

so quiet that you may

have forgotten they're up there, but they’ve been
busy doing some surprising things. It's like dis-
covering that the mice you are dimly aware of in
your attic have been building an espresso

machine. “

would reduce the penalty for pos-
session of under 15 grams to a fine,
like a speeding ticket. This is to
allow law enforcement to concen-
trate resources on traffickers; if
your garden is full of wasps, it’s
smarter to go for the nest rather
than trying to swat every individ-
ual bug. Or, in the United States,
bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an
American, can’t understand. These
poor benighted pinkos are doing
everything wrong. They have a
drug: problem: Marijuana offenses
have doubled since 1991. And

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Defence

Oéfense
nationale

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will get around to the confiscation
eventually.) They don’t even have
a death penalty!

And yet ... nationally, overall
crime in Canada has been declin-
ing since 1991. Violent crimes fell
13 percent in 2002. Of course, there
are still crimes committed with
guns — brought in from the
United States, which has become
the major illegal weapons supplier
for all of North America — but my
theory is that the surge in pot-
smoking has rendered most crimi-
nals too relaxed to commit violent
crimes. They’re probably more

focused on shoplifting boxes of
Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there’s the most reck-
less move of all: Just last month,
Canada decided to allow and rec-
Ognize same-sex marriages.
Merciful moose, what can they be

thinking? Will there be married.

Mounties (they always get their
man!)? Dudley Do-Right was
sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be
the only ones who really care
about families. Not enough to
make sure they all have health
insurance, of course, but more than
those libertines up north.

This sort of behavior is a clear
and present danger to all our
stereotypes about Canada. It’s sup-
posed to be a cold, wholesome
country of polite, beer-drinking
hockey players, not founded by
freedom-fighters in a bloody revo-
lution but quietly assembled by
loyalists and royalists more inter-
ested in order and good govern-
ment than liberty and indepen-
dence.

But if we are the rugged individ-
ualists, why do we spend so much
of our time trying to get everyone
to march in lockstep? And if
Canadians are so reserved and
moderate, why are they so pro-
gressive about letting people do

Etre apprécié(e)
fait toute la
différence

r that’s cooler in Canada

what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less
religious than we are, according to
polls. As a result, Canada’s gov-
emment isn’t influenced by large,
well-organized religious groups
and thus has more in common
with those of Scandinavia than
those of the United States, or, say,
Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global
warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds
drink, has more of its population
living in urban areas and accepts
more immigrants per capita than
the United States.

These are all things we’ve been
told will wreck our society. But I
guess Canadians are different,
because theirs seems oddly sound.

Like teenagers, we fiercely idol-
ize individual freedom but really
demand that everyone be the
same. But the Canadians seem
more adult — more secure. They
aren’t afraid of foreigners. They
aren’t afraid of homosexuality.
Most of all, they’re not afraid of
each other.

I wonder if America will ever be
that cool.

Copyright Samantha Bennett,
Pittsburg Post Gazette, 2003, all
rights reserved. Reprinted with
permission.

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