Sept 09 2002 By Ryan Cunningham Kathleen: So, Ryan , another school year is underway , which means it’s time for another exciting series of Anime Reviews!! Ryan: School When? Kathleen: Uh, a couple of days ago, dude. Ryan: Oh, that school. Kathleen: What school were you thinking of? Ryan: That information is classified. Kathleen: ...Right. Well, any- way, have you got something ready to go, or are you going to whip something up at the last minute as always? Ryan: Nope, | have an excel- lent review ready to go already. Kathleen: Great, just take out all the rants about gas- powered bass guitars and we'll be good to go. Ryan...... Kathleen: Ryan? Ryan: I’ll have one ready in a few days... Sigh. Such is the eternal struggle. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy installs lawn- mower pull-start on his bass guitar. It’s the oldest story in the world, and | think... (the next six pages were omitted due to sheer irrelevance.)| was hoping that for the first review of the year, | would be able to find a movie that would make the anime fans from UNBC and the surrounding city blow their collective load (am | allowed to say that?) and rejoice over the excellent selection at their disposal. Sadly...Sorcerer on The Rocks was what | found. Brought to us-by ADV, who also bring us dozens of other anime titles including Sailor Moon, Bubblegum Crisis, Medabots and Golden Boy. A haphazard list of credentials at best. Set in the same universe as Sorcerer Hunters and pulled from the twisted brain of Satoru Akahori, the creator of the aforementioned anime, SOTR is the tale of Chivas Scotch (Chivas Regal is a brand of scotch. Clever, No?), an alcoholic bounty hunter and his band of hopeless devotees (a group that could qualify for supporting cast roles in a started? David Lynch film), a werewolf, a homosexual ninja and of course, a big breasted girl that doesn’t really do much except dance in seedy taverns when- ever the “protagonist” requires money. The opening scene of this movie will offend Women’s Lib groups to the point of riot, and that’s about as good as it gets folks. Filled with plot holes, incon- gruous scenes and cast mem- bers as well as terrible dub- bing, SOTR was a travesty at best. The attempt to modern- ize this movie by the writers is as painful as a hot fudge enema(or so I’ve heard). The attempts to modernize this movie with “hip” dialogue There is even a scene where one of the characters says “Say what?”’The movie is even edited for TV, with full use of “bleeps” whenever a saucy word comes up.And_ the -names, Chivas Scotch? Gin Fizz? Count Cuddlefish? Mrs. Million Dollar? On a brighter note | am con- vinced that the plot was stolen from Scooby-Doo, and | don’t Anime The opening scene of this movie will offend Women’s Lib groups to the point of riot... Columns/Previews Review mind Scooby-Doo. In an attempt to generate suspense, the viewer is left totally in the dark as to what is supposed to be going on until the last fif- teen minutes, where the entire conflict is spewed out in one dialogue. In the defence of the creator, | have no doubt that most of the big problems with the movie were in the transla- tion and dubbing. The movie had some funny parts. The main character is, as so many main characters are lately, reminiscent of Bastard, but not as charismatic, if that’s possi- ble. The translators must have realized what a stinky job they had done, as several jokes are thrown in about the plot holes and incongruities. Oh yeah, and they use the word swag. Swag is cool. If we had some sort of nice effects, I’d give this movie two out of five Ronin. But | doubt we can do that, so I'll give it two out of five Dots. Sorcerer on the Rocks Copyright ADV Films 2001 Word Works Editing and Proofreading Services. Essays, term papers, sure it’s perfect! Half price for students kerstin @ word-works.ca/ www.wordworks.ca theses. Make Over The Edge Page 15 Classifieds Cartoonist Extrodinaire Illustrations, obscene diagrams, and graphic design done. Cartoonist will do freelance work for a pittance. 614-0194 Lines Free The views expressed in this sec- tion are not those of Over The Edge. would the gremlins in my room please go away and stop stealing my stuff you bastards -DS | want this semester to be over tomorrow -SW Damn, now that I’ve had a$$, | have to say that Colleen’s a$$ is pretty damn sweet. -KD Brain is now mush. Must... go... home. Something terrible is going to befall me and | have no way to prevent it. -AL more, more | need more, oh baby, oh baby. i have been getting more lately. | think they should bring back the free video game the amount of sex has definitely picked up They should have real cheese on the nachos instead of that fake nasty stuff. Evil Wintergarden. | am so mad at them.