16 | ee Over the Edge | __ September 18, 1996 MEMO FROM THE ISOLATION WARD: Digital Nightmares and Binary Fetishes. -by John McFetrick Two weeks of fresh faces, all of whom expect things to happen suddenly, and I’m ready for a long soak in a hot tub. What started as a friendly little gig with the Univer- sity ended up being an exercise in Patience and Stamina. I should probably apologize for my harsh behavior, but I won’t. The following is not an ex- cuse: The PC used to process your ID information is slower than any- thing madeaeveraincluding your grandfathers °56 Buick and at present, we are dangerously close to crashing and losing everything. Which, of course, means that we'll have to start from Square One. Maybe. The REAL story is this: It takes about two hours to print a page. That’s what we in the Biz call The Bottom Line. There are some- thing like 20 pages to print. You do the math. My concerns are that every- body receives their cards as quickly as possible. Actually, that’s a lie. In truth, I just want to do my job, get Paid and find time to do the school thing. When you get your card is really none of my business. Be- cause I already have mine. I printed it FIRST. I understand (really) what people are going through because I went through it last yearaand four years before that, for that matter. Waiting in line is not fun. But you should be aware of one thing: EV- ERYONE waits for something. Everyone. Ohato the guy who dropped by six or seven times a day last week asking the same question over and over and over and over againayou will receive your ID sometime around Christmas. Why? Because I deleted your file. Why? You pissed me off. Gust kidding) And to the guy who stopped me in the bar last Thursday and asked the same question over and over and over and over againayour card was mailed to Afghanistan. Look for it there, along with every piece of information that you pro- vided tor the school. Your grades will also be sent there, along with your damage deposit from hous- ing and all your laundry. Actually, that’s a lie, too. I have your ID and guess what? I’m using your Meal Plan. Thanks. eK KE I’ve been paying close atten- tion to the various sign up sheets scattered around campus. I’ve watched you choose recreational ‘activities and have greatly enjoyed the enthusiastic glimmer that makes your eyes shine. It reminds me of that Brady Bunch episode in which Marcia joins everything in an effort to outdo her hunky and popular brother Greg. Some of you have signed up for more than one club. Good. Keep busy. It keeps things exciting and makes the year that much more dynamic. School spirit, no matter how hokey that sounds, is always a positive thing. However, I sneaked a glance at one sign up sheet and was rather dismayed to see that someone had transformed it into what can only be construed as a bad joke. I’m talking about the Gay and Lesbian club, otherwise knowri as GALA. This club is for gay and les- bian students (obviously) and is NOT for jokers who would deni- grate people based on their sexu- ality. Hint: There is no one on campus named Ben Dover. You were not being funny and if you think you were, I would suggest you re-read your notes from grade 10 social studies. Help Wanted Parlez-Vous Francais? CBC’s French language service, Societe Radio Canada, is looking for a UNBC student to be a current affairs cor- respondent, reporting once a month on the important issues of this area during amorn- ing radio program. The only criteria are: You must be fluent in French You must have a basic knowledge of local issues, current affairs, etc. (ie. Be able to read a newspaper or tune in to lo- cal newscasts on the radio and television.) For more information contact Julie Carpenter, SRC @ (604) 662-6202 —call collect or Rob van Adrichem, UNBC Me- dia Officer @ 960-5622. Person to Person Check out the new self-paced on- line Library Skill Workbook on the World Wide Web at http://quarles.unbc.edu/li- brary/guide/index. html. Let’s get something ‘straight.’ UNBC is a campus for everybody. UNBC is a school that doesn’t disparage people for any reason. Please make careful note of this important point: Homophobia is wrong. Making statements based on your homophobia is wrong. Gay bashingalet’s call a spade a spadeawill get you thrown out of UNBC. In addition to that, you will probably neverathat’s NEVERabe permitted to attend another school this side of the 49th parallel. No shit of a word. Everyone here has a right to learn. Everybody has aright to live their lives in whatever manner they wish. In other words, get over it. If it ain’t your thing, fine. DO NOT go around making life for others unbearable. It’s not funny. It’s rude. And it’s very very unpleas- ant for those who have to (but shouldn’t) put up with small minded, homophobic bullshit from back-woods country red-necks. Once againamaking faggot cracks or dyke gags is OUT (get it?) and there is a very effective method in place to deal with people who ignore The Rules: You will Community Events Mind Olympics Wednesday Oct. 16th/96, Civic Center 12-4 pm 12-18 year olds Eskers Hiking trip $5.00 Sat Sept. 21 st. Meet at Spruceland Shopping Centre, near the Overweightea, 10:00 AM Sharp! Informa- tional Meeting Friday Sept. 18th 7 p.m. Elizabeth Fry Society 2666 Queensway 563-1113. Students Seminar on Public Policy Issues Vancouver Saturday, October 26,1996, Re- naissance Hotel, 1133 West Hastings St. For more info. Call Annabel Addington, at The Fraser Institute, Tell 688-0221 ext. 315. For Rent HOUSE FOR RENT, full base- ment, 2 bedroom & den, close to school, shopping centre, bus stop, w/d, f/s. Paved drive, fenced yard, $850/month. 563-7016 be Called, then you will pack your bags and catch a flight back to mom and dad’s house. And when you go to apply to some other school, a little bell will go off on their computer alerting them to the your past misdeeds. You will be told “No” and you will spend the rest of your miserable homophobic shitty life flipping burgers in a dingy diner in, I don’t knowaFort St. Bubba aor wherever. So, let’s all smile, get along (that means Play Nice with the other kids) and start treating people with proper respect. At the very least, keep your particular unpopu- lar opinions to yourselves. They don’t fly around here. Thanks. Help Wanted NEEDED: Parking Lot Atten- dants, Free admission for those who volunteer, must be 18 years or over. Time: 6:00-7:30 PM on home game nights, stay and help a short time after the games, for more information, call Bill Reid @ 564-8760 or the Canadian Injured Workers Society @ 564-4049