The Case of Small Pockets

Robert Corbin
Guest Contributor

A human beings living on this world, everyone usually
needs clothing. Be it to protect oneself from the
environment, or creatures that live in nature, much like
those that live in the far northern reaches of The Territories
do, or as a means of exclaiming to the surrounding throngs:
I’m interesting, I’m available, or even I’m colour blind. Most
fashion designers that tend to cater towards the male side
of their customer base tend to produce monotone simple
coloured articles of clothing that aren’t likely to force a man
to have to consult with a female friend to find a name for

a shade of dye that is beyond the standard male 16 colour
vision settings.

Several other notable things present in men’s clothing
would be that the fabrics tend to be fairly heavy, and there
is no such thing as too many pockets. Cargo pants are a
fantastic invention that prevent people from having to
stop while preparing to leave their house and say “I don’t
think I can carry that with me today; I don’t have space.”

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A pair of pants with thirteen to fifteen
pockets, and with pockets hidden inside
other pockets? This is a veritable
man’s dream. At some point in the
splitting of the fashion industry
into equal and opposite

halves however, while one

side accrued a lifetime

supply of pockets,

the other side

had donated

all their

pockets away.

Women’s
fashion for
the most part
is strangely
devoid of
pockets, and
in many cases
makes use

of imitation
pockets
consisting

of a small
line of stitching above a small fold of material. This creates
a small bulge that would be seen with a real pocket, minus
the pocket and serving no actual material use. Many have
theorized that this was a move devised in a closed door
meeting between fashion big-wigs and purse manufacturers
to force women to buy as many purses as possible.
Unfortunately without organization, or large moves by
women’s groups to fix this problem, the chances of fashion
designers announcing that usable and sizable pockets are
coming in the next iteration of fashion are slim to none.

is that over time as that bag with nearly limitless holding
potential will get heavier and heavier, and will eventually risk
damaging to one’s posture and possibly doing other harm.

Critical analysis of that last sentence by men and some
women would say: simply don’t carry that much stuff around,
and while that would make sense, there are times when you
need to carry a week’s worth of clothing with you to the
mall. How many items in apocalypse movies has the female
lead been holding a purse, but didn’t have fresh underwear?
Clearly a lack of critical insight here, though I jest, and

yes no single person should be carrying tens of pounds

of junk with them everywhere they go. Unfortunately as
students, we all do this in the form of textbooks, pens, paper,
notebooks, loose change, packages of gum and whatever else
we happen to have picked up while roaming around school.

Women everywhere have experienced at least one, but
usually many times of sliding a hand with keys or loose
change down to what they assumed was a pocket on
inspection in a store; only to find out it is actually an optical
illusion. The key or change then in a fit of shock tends to
end up on the ground while she frantically searches around
the garment, trying to find a real pocket that could hold
these items. Women that have adapted to these experiences
will shrug, sigh, and exclaim “at least I have this nice purse
that is nearly large enough to smuggle a medium sized dog
inside.” The problem with shifting items from pockets that
are fairly close to the body; on pants or sweater, to a purse
that typically dangles at the end of an outstretched arm,

Due to this reason, we feel unfairly targeted when people
say don’t carry so much junk with you. So I ask you, the
readers: side with me in agreeing that women’s clothing
should have large and usable pockets. Break the monopoly
on storage space held by the purse manufacturers,

before the next apocalypse happens if possible.