OVER THE EDGE vanuary 30, 2008 ...... > >CREATIVE WRITING FEATURE Prince Scudworth and Maid Butilertron: A Love Story By Cody Willett” | have! Why!?!” “And it shall be no different this time | Scudworth. Give me your woman,” Sta- mos demanded. | “Shut up,” said Scudworth. “You shut up,” countered Stamos. “No ... you shut up!” replied Scud- worth, “Did you just tell me to shut up!?!” | asked Stamos, astonished. “Yes,” said Scudworth. Crestfallen, Lord Stamos crept away, | knowing he would not win this argument against such staunch opposition. Real- izing that he had no armor on anymore, + Scudworth began putting it back on. Yet as he turned around, he did not see Maid | B anywhere. “Maid B.? Where did you go?” he asked to no one in particular. Scudworth glimpsed a sign just inside the tree line. “Free Maid B. for Scudworths,” he read. “1’m a Scudworth!” It-was a sultry summer night in Devonshire when Prince Scudworth scaled his longtime love, Maid But- lertron’s hair, up to her closet in the tower of Balthazur. Upon clamoring to the top, Prince Scudworth grasped Maid B passionately and said, “Oooh, Maid B, we haven’t made love in like, forever!” “That’s because you haven’t re- turned any of my caaaalls. Didn’t you get any of the pigeons I sent you?” she asked. “TI was busy dealing with the evil board of shadowy land barons,” he protested as she turned away. “Well, all I can think about while I am alone up here, is yoooou,” said Maid B. Scudworth looked into his love’s eyes as she said this and immediate- ly began taking his armor off. Then he removed his outer coat, followed by his outer tunic. Immediately Alas, walking over to the sign he following that, he tried to get his re mae “=. tripped a wire that triggered a cannon. boots off and fell over. Struggling i Copy eS ne Sane Prince Scudworth was hit square in the on the floor, he began removing his Angels of Victory and Peace atop Ottawa War Memorial. chest. Falling over in agony, he saw his breeches. By now, fifteen minutes , arch nemesis, Stinky the Skunk. had passed and Maid B was getting | “Why, Stinky, why!?! Where is Maid impatient. Just then, Daniel Feldspar, | B?” he demanded. the stereotypically Australian drag- | “Try and catch her, beeatch!” squeaked on, swooped low over the mighty Stinky. . tower, rumbling its foundations. | Feeling a sudden mish of anger, Scud- “Ooooh no Maid B! It’s the | worth got up and kicked Stinky in the dragon ‘mistakenly poked in ‘the | head, realizing his armor had saved him eye eight years ago. He has come from the cannon ball. Out of nowhere, a for revenge!” cried Scudworth as he | Hunkeycorn, which is half hummingbird, pulled Maid B from harm’s way. | half donkey, and half unicorn, appeared. “That’s right mate. It is I, Daniel “Tt is I, Geldimort, a Hunkeycorn. Feldspar, the stereotypically Austral- Prince Scudworth, you have shown brav- ian dragon: No bloke gets away with | ery in the face of adversity to save your poking me inthe eye. Choose your | Maid. I will reward you by thrice laying weapon wisely, for I know the Aus- | you.” tralian technique for throwing the “Ummm, that’s cool... but... I’m good,” . boomerang,” said Daniel Feldspar. stammered Scudworth. Grabbing Maid B and tearing off her “But, I... I will thrice lay you,” she red sweater-vest Scudworth yelled, repeated. “Yeeeah, but I just ate and they say you shouldn’t lay thrice after eating.” | “Well, it doesn’t have to be a big deal... | we could just do coffee,’ Geldimort | pressed. “NO! I want my Maid B!” yelled Scud- 4 worth. Instantly, Geldimort transformed back into Maid B. “Maid B?” asked Scudworth, shocked. “Yes, Wesley: It-is I; Maid B. I was testing you-to see how true to me you aaare. You-have shown that you will be * courageous to protect my honooour. I have found someone for the rest of my life, and I think-that-someone, is yoooou “This magical red sweater-vest is impervious to your fire and boomer- ang tactics,” as he put it on. Defeated, Daniel Feldspar flew away as Maid B protested, “T want my sweater-vest baaack. ‘After aaall, it’s cold and flu season, Wesley.” “Why does she call you that, Scud- § worth?” asked a tall, dark, and hand- | some figure as he walked up:from behind undetected. “Oh she calls everyone that, I don’t know why ... “ started Scud- worth as he turned around. Spotting the owner of the voice, Scudworth cried, “Lord Stamos! Oh damn you Stamos! You steal every woman I a J The End DANIELLE Pore, CONTRIBUTER Ottawa River Path.