Sept 09 2002

Kornered On Kampus

For those of you who haven’t seen Kornered before this is a forum for the enlightenment of
the student body. As concerned students, we at the newspaper pose an important question of
the week and then go out and proceed to accost students in order to get the answer. Our ques-
tion of the week is of a philosophical nature. Students were asked: Why or why not would it be
immoral for a woodchuck to chuck wood? Our answers range from contemplative to bizarre, so
read on to see the answer to this earth-shattering conundrum.

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Over The Edge Page 1

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Aries and now is the time to keep

Joanna - English

Their moral responsibility is to chuck wood. It
would be immoral and heinous for it to not
chuck wood. Would a woodchuck by any
other name smell as sweet? A woodchuck
would be a wood-non-chuck if not. It is not
only its responsibility to chuck but also to
educate others in the chucking of wood.

a

Josh - English

Because snakes have armpits. It cannot be
determined without compromising agents in

the field

Kathieen - Political
Science
Damn! Ass tastes good.

Walter - English

Moral, because he can do
anything ne wanis io do
within his rights, but immoral
as he may hit someone.

Steve - Hypnosis

Depends who he’s chucking wood at. So

long as he’s just chucking for fun it would

be cool, but if he’s chucking it at someone
that would be immoral.

Dan - NREM, Fisheries
It is highly moral because it is the responsi-
bility of all woodchucks to chuck wood to
best of their ability and if they do not chuck
to their full ability they do are not fulfilling
their god given duties as is their role in the
scheme of the universe.

se

Why call it a weodchuck if
it’s not going to chuck
wood?

Kersten - Anthropology

Now is the perfect time to pur-
sue creative pastimes — like

finger painting or yodeling. »

Don’t listen to people that try
to dissuade you... they are
just jealous... because you
sing the best. Your colour is

Despite the fact that this sign
is a car (sorry to bring it up
again), the wheel looks good.
Orange is your colour — use it
to your advantage.

Gemini

Its time to change your
appearance Uber-drastically.
The colour of the mission is
uber-purple. It will make things
Uber-fantastic.

Cancer

Things are not looking good.
You will be sick for the next

If your feet get really hairy, it
means that you are a hobbit.
Go live in a parallel universe.
Don’t forget your textbooks.
You may need them.

Virgo

Beware your roommate! If you
smell burning feathers and
you limbs jerk uncontrollably,
he is probably performing late
night brain surgery.

Libra

Your symbol is the scales...

things balanced. The weight of
textbooks is directly propor-
tional to... BWAHAHA... can't
support that in the paper.

Scorpio

Look out for the desk drawer
demons. They may be cute,
but they have pointy teeth.
Remember that regeneration
of digits is impossible.

Sagittarius

The planets align and provide
you with and amazing few
days. Enjoy them while you
can, because the end will
come. Eat jellybeans and be
merry.

Capricorn

Beware of flying plates. Now is'
the perfect time to paint your
toenails green. Don’t eat car-
rots, or you will turn into a rab-
bit.

Aquarius

If an opportunity to travel to
the moon arises, take it. Then
set a colony of pigs loose on
the lunar landscape. No, it’s
not just a nightmare. Pigs in
space!

Pisces

Eat cheesecake, it will make
you very happy, and that is all
that matters. Watch out for
people stealing organs.

Boompy

| forecast thou shalt pee, and
pee, and pee for evermore.