8 November 3, 2010 + Over the Edge Me and Facebook: A Love Story A play by play of my Facebook cherry popping experience 2 buses, and got nothing done. It was glorious. | developed a severe case of mental illness (OCD), to the point of compulsive checking of my facebook during commercials of TV shows. The things that happen to people in a day are fascinating! Cleaning, doing homework, announcing when they're going to bed! | did fall into the course of Facebook status TMI though and posted humiliating things, such as links revealing my awful musical taste and hangover updates. Facebook is also a uniting force. | got to combine all kinds of friends on this thing: people from my Russian Facebook, high school friends, UNBC friends, Emily’s parents and people | meet when | am drunk. Genius! Facebook friends will also validate anything you say. You can update your status to “Hit an old woman with a car” and 11 people will “like” it and 4 more will comment with things like “LMFAO” or “been there, done that!” It’s amazing. And then | got my first ugly tag. | look like an owl hit by a car then covered in snow and discovered in the spring again. The opposite of the song lyrics “so fresh and so clean clean”. | remembered why | didn’t ECATERIA CIUGUREANU FEATURES EDITOR Me and Facebook: A Love Story A play by play of my Facebook cherry popping experience. Yes, Facebook is hardly news but let’s just say | am a late bloomer. | never felt like | needed Facebook. Plus, | am not photogenic (as 180 of you now know) and | know Emily’s Facebook password (as 331 of you already knew). But on an average Saturday night | went to see a movie called The Social Network, which has changed my life forever. First of all, | have never felt so inadequate. | have Sign Up It's free, and always will be. Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life. done a lot of things in 5% First Name: want to get Facebook, then my life: seamed i second i 7% 2 ry i | figured people know what | anguage, used to be a L , look like, so it’s okay. ro restate for ry g pS Your Email: All jokes aside, this is by far e Canadian Psychology the most progressive social Association, invented my BS Re-enter Email: tool of all time other than own social network, BUT BS pe SS condoms and Christmas (all | have never invented lh mma 3 bring people together, GET my own SUCCESSFULL Iam:) Select Sex: [+] IT?). So all | have to say social network. My first instinct was one of many chubby, untalented women (we are looking at you, Hilary Clinton) — to marry this superior man, but then | googled him and | just really don’t know if | can see myself with a Taurus. So...| got Facebook. Within the first 10 hours, | Facebook © 2010 burnt my supper, missed is Facebook me! And this article took me double the time since | am periodically checking news feed (One of my friends has 3 midterm in 3 days and someone posted “Like a G6” lipsynching video. Now THAT’S news worthy, so back off Chile miners. Birthday: Month: [>] Day: [>] Year: [=] Why do I need to provide this? (Create a Page for a celebrity, band or business. English (US) Espafiol Portugués (Brasil) Francais (France) Deutsch Italiano auj.cl fea PR(HH) ARG » Mobile « Find Friends - Badges - About - Advertising * Developers * Careers * Privacy - Terms * Help ONLINE SOURCE Audience Member Sterotypes Can you recognize yourself on the list? ECATERIA CIUGUREANU FEATURES EDITOR many forms: eye rolling, scoffing, and eye brow raising, and various vocalizations (such as “you suck”). Public speaking is considered people’s number one fear, death is second. Nine out of ten of these people just make this experience worse. 1. The blank slate The intense listener This person is so intense. So intense. You’re better off with a blank slate than the intense listener. Just imagine a set of crazy eyes focused on you while you're just trying to get through this painful thing. The intense listener is usually characterized by little to no blinking, just a pair of crazy eyes. They’re either socially awkward or just generally dislike you, because they surely know how to turn the pressure ON. You look out at this audience member and you understand the definition of tabula rasa. Here is a person who is just not there. Whether they are planning what they will have for supper or studying the ceiling, they are completely tuning out everything you are saying and quite frankly it’s irritating. 2. The presentation whisperer 7. The distractor Again, you’re in the middle of the presentation and you hear a noise so you turn your head. What you will typically see is someone going to the bathroom, going through their purse, EATING (carrots most likely), taking off or putting on an item of clothing, or other necessary but distracting things. The most irritating thing about this person is that they will awkwardly look up and mouth “sorry” and they are not. This type is hard to miss. You're in the middle of describing something and someone shamelessly turns to their friend/friends and starts loudly whispering and at times giggling. It makes people self-conscious and/or just angry. Pay attention! 3. The Facebooker Alright, this person is frantically typing and you’re 8. The yawner not even saying anything that important. | mean, the professor doesn’t say anything to induce that speed of typing. The Facebooker is also doing this without ever looking up and occasionally smirking, and of course you are doing the presentation on nothing to smirk about, like social barriers to health or something. Apparently yawning cools the brain when it is overheated and actually helps people maintain alertness, but according to social norms and mores, it is rude and a sign of boredom. At least cover your mouth! 9. The questioner ONLINE SOURCE . . te ap: Just when you think you are finished, you are NOT, not if this 4. The body conscious audience member This includes: biting your nails, picking at your nails, nail filing, excessively scratching your eye, picking your nose, twirling your hair, intense leg tapping, picking at a scab, and giving yourself a head massage. Inappropriate. The critic While it is helpful to have an expressive person in the room to know when you are offending your audience or going in the wrong direction (“and that featured is a result of evolution” [SCOFF] “and what is meant by that is social learning”) and it's better than the blank slate, it is distracting and upsetting. The critic comes in 10. person has anything to do with it. They also tend to ask questions that are either a) completely off topic, touching on their personal interests or b) the stuff you just covered, which reveals that they were not paying attention. The nodder God bless their hearts. They make it all worth it by smiling but not scowling, watching but not starring, nodding, yet not performing a shimmy and a shake. They are the perfect middle, the nirvana of an audience member. Thank you for existing! Nine of the above, take notes.