over The EDGE page 7 Wednesday, Sept 20, 19! POISON PEN by Ian Lorenz Well...another summer has faded into a chaotic memory of good times an friends. And with fondness I think back to my summer vacation. Since my holidays were so unusual, I thought I might write about them rather than my usual rantings of government conspiracies, abortion fanatics, and incompe- tent police. This summer, instead of drinking beer with my friends on the beach, I threw a sleeping bag and some clothes in a pack and hopped on a plane to Europe. Sounds like a marvelous vaca- tion, you say? Wake up at seven in the morning and lift yourself out of the dirt you sleep in last night. Throw eighty pounds on your back and walk for three miles in the blazing Spanish sun just to find out the bus you wanted to take will be delayed for two days. “Twisted” is really a better word than marvelous. But I suppose it is safe to say that is was marvelously twisted. In two months, with $2500 (no rail pass), I managed to make it through six countries. My travels brought me through England, France, Spain, Ger- many, Czech Republic (which I entered illegally. Ask me to tell you the story; it’s a good one),and finally to Holland. What can I say about Europe? It is bloody different, © that’s what! They do some things so much better than North . Americans. For instance, their attitude towards alcohol is much more open than it is here. In Regensburg, Germany, I partied with about 200 people on a huge national monument called the Walhalla. Just imagine 200 kids with candles, beer, and food (yes, they bring food to parties) having a party on a national monument in Canada. Can you say busted? Yet over in Europe it was totally casual an oh so much fun! I asked one of the Germans why the police did not break up this happy little gathering. In his broken English, he replied “I think they are afraid we may make a small revolution”. But that is really beside the point; drinking is a casual thing there. You can do it when, where and how you want and this creates a relaxed atmosphere without fights, riots or vandalism. You can even drink alcohol and smoke on the trains and buses. Ros In many ways they are also more environmentally friendly than North Americans. In many places they still hang their clothes to dry. In the winter they hang them indoors. And try to find any major Europen city without a recycling receptacle on every street corner. You won’t. Most cities (all in Germany) have bicycle lanes that are in almost constant use which further cuts down on pollution. And they all speak two or more languages, making me realize just how ignorant I am as a unilingual Canadian. Having said all this, there are some things that Europeans could learn from us. The most obvious of which is the bathroom. Whether it is the tiny toilets of England and Germany or the hole in the ground you have to squat over in Spain, none come close to the comfort and efficiency of our bathrooms. Oh,and you better have money because you must pay to use any public bathroom. This can be extremely difficult if you have just arrived across the border and the exchange place is closed. To top it off, when you pay, they give your alloted three squares of toilet paper. (I usually paid triple for an extra six squares). Then there was Amsterdam, whére everyone just goes on the street. And I don’t mean in dark alleys, either. I mean on major boule- vards in broad daylight. It is also very interest- ing to see that, although English is spoken in many countries around the world, words do not always mean the same thing. For instance, a fanny pack is called a “bum bag” in England because “fanny” refers to a part of the female anatomy. And instead of “thank you”, they say “cheers”. Australians call sunglasses “sunnies”, etc...Here is a funny story from Europe to illustrate my point. I was travelling Spain with this guy from England and we started to talk about travelling over a bottle of wine. He told me how dirty he got in France and then proceeded to say “so I would just go into a petrol station in France and wash my face and brush my teeth in the toilet”. Needless to say I was shocked! As it turns out “toilet” is the English word for bathroom and he had in fact used the sink to wash his face. Whew! I felt much better sharing the wine bottle with him after that. I would like to close by giving some various places little YEAH MY SUMMER was OKAYY awards for different hings. If yo plan to travel I hope they give you some idea of where you might like to go. And if you would like to hear more of my stories about Europe do not hesitate to ask me as I love to te them and I fear my friends musi — be bored to tears of them by now. Rudest People - France Most Beautiful Women - Spain Most Thieves - Spain Worst Airline - Canada 3000 Funnest City - Prague, Czech Republic Harshest Border Guards - Czec! Republic Most Romantic City - Paris Best Hostel - Chelsea Hotel, London Best Drugs - Amsterdam Best Beer - Germany Most Interesting City - Berlin Best Festival - Running of the Bulls, Pamplona Nicest Police - Amsterdam Worst Police - Paris Scariest Bus Ride - Spain Wettest Place - New Haven, England Hottest Place - Roses, Spain Most Expensive Country - France Worst Hitchhiking - Spain Best Nightlife - Barcelona or Prague Worst Cab Ride - Barcelona MOST COMMON SAYINGS OF CANADIAN TRAVELERS England- “When does the rain stop?” or “Where do all those redbuses come from?” France- “How rude!” or “Non! : Not a Canadians speak French.” Spain- “Augua augua!” (Water water!) or “I think that guy just ripped me off.” _Germany- “What difference doe it make what glass I put the bee: in?” or “That’s all of the wall * left?” Czech Republic- “Pivo proseem (Beer please) or “Passport? Visa? No visa.”. Amsterdam- “No! Canada and America are not the same thing!’ or “No I just can’t smoke this one.”