Kornered On Kampus

rence in th past? | inquired in
regards to this with people who
attend this school (UNBC, in case
you forgot!) Provided below are the
unique and heartfelt answers that |
acquired to this exact question...If
you could go back in time and
change one event that occurred in
history, no matter what the conse-
quences, what would it be--and

Heather Simms

Have you ever thought of what
it would be like if you had the power
to keep, alter, or negate an occur-

Aaron Alexander Allan:
I'd stop that damned Leprechaun
from stealing me lucky charms!

Andrew Lui (AKA-MooShoo):
| would’ve never jumped off the
dock, head-first, in cold water. It

my _ off!

“Doug the Stu
For a good time, call 562-8806!

Joshua Cain Plat
in the “Olden Days,” men had
to wear clothes but women were
banned from wearing clothing...If it
were still like that today: Nice!

Well,

Rupi Kaur Gill:
Apes? (I don’t know, don’t ask me,
’'m not funny!)

Aries

It doesn’t hurt to arm your- —
self against the vagaries of
fate including that monstrous
hangover from last nights
keg party. Remember the
rule: Avoid all vestiges of
sunlight, drink lots of O.J.,
and take two aspirin. The
world will stop spinning after
that.

Taurus

Yes, you’re absolutely right!
Cheeze whiz is the essence
of all that is right and good
in this world, and once you
spread the message (Get it?
Spread?), you'll be able to
spend a few lifetimes in a
comfortably padded box with
nothing between you and
your cheese whiz.

Gemini

It's funny how a word here
and a comment there can
really make a difference in
your mood, but in deference

to the sanity of others try to
choose a particular mood (or
personality in your case) and
stick with it, hmm? People
will be fess inclined to think
that you’re some sort of psy-
chotic headcase. Trust me.

Cancer

Today you'll feel a yen to
take Spanish lessons to _
charm the cute exchange
student from Mexico, but let
it go, they understand
English, they just don’t want
to talk to you.

Leo

You are caught now in that
age old question of should |
or shouldn't |? Usually, the
pairing of Scorpios with
Leo’s creates catastrophe’s
which are on par with the
Hitler regime, but in your

_ |case this might be the one

time to make an exception
but be warned : you do so at
risk to your sanity!

Virgo

Today you will win millions,
become famous worldwide,
discover the cure for cancer,
be awarded the noble prize
and a deliciously hot babe
will wake up naked in your
bed. Or maybe you'll just
find that OLP cd you lost,
like, five years ago.
Libra

Ever here the phrase can’t
have your cake and eat it
too? Think real hard on that
one, and don't even pretend
you don’t know what | mean!

Scorpio

Life is not a soap opera!
Life is a bitch, get over it
already!

Sagittarius

Better not leave the house
wearing anything metal
today as a giant magnet will
descend from the heavens
and steal you away.

Aquarius

Fiendish delights await you
in a box of M&Ms or wait,
maybe that was Smarties.
Sorry folks, my tarot cards
are experiencing technical
difficulties right now, so tune
in to the next edition of OTE.

Capricorn

Life is a box of nuts, you
can’t be sure what you get,
and haha! You get stuck
with ‘em all! (Insert evil
laughter here)

Pisces

Stop sending emails where
you substitute ‘that’ and ‘the’
with ‘da’ and ‘dat’, and then
your friends won’t want to
commit first degree homi-
cide.