What is a fart and why does it smell?

By: Rory Conroy

Ever pull someone’s fin-
ger and hear a weird noise
come out of his or her butt?

Ever sit in a tub of water
and see bubbles come out of
your hiney?

This strange noise and
vibrating sensation that came
from your butt is most likely
caused by a fart.

A fart is a combination of
gases (nitrogen, carbon diox-
ide, oxygen, methane, and
hydrogen sulfide) that travels

from a person’s stomach to:

their anus. When a person
swallows too much air or eats
foods that the human diges-
tive system cannot digest
easily gas becomes trapped
in his/her stomach. The only
way for this excess gas to exit

the body is through the anus. .

The gas that makes your
farts stink is the hydrogen
sulfide gas. This gas contains
sulfur which causes farts to
have a smelly odor. The more
sulfur rich your diet, the more
your farts will stink. Some
foods that cause really smelly
farts include: beans, cab-
bage, cheese, soda, and
eggs.

A scientific name for a
fart is flatus or flatulence. The
word fart is just one of many
different terms used to

EARS EGM

By: Nikki Hebb

Despite fears of conflict
at the Education Alternative
Radio Station’s (E.A.R.S.)
Extraordinary General
Meeting (E.G.M.), there were
very few road bumps. “I'd like
to organize this boat and get
everybody paddling again”
said Dave Russell, E.A.R.S.
Station Manager before his
presentation to the E.A.R.S.
Board of Directors began.
“The image and reputation of
E.A.R.S. can’t be ‘anything
goes’ anymore. It has to go
from an entrepreneur, garage
type concept to a business
concept” said Russell. He

describe the release of
gasses from the human body.
Other popular names for farts
or farting include: gassers,
stinkers, air biscuits,
bombers, barking spiders,
rotten eggs, and wet ones.
You can pass gas, break
wind, blast, beef, poof, rip
one, let one fly, step on a
duck, and cut the cheese.
Farts can be stinky, wet,
loud, or silent but deadly.

Pee-eeew!!!

Did you know?

On the average, a
healthy person farts 16 times
a day.

Hey guys, don’t be fooled
by girls who tell you that they
never fart. Everyone farts,
including girls. In _ fact,
females fart just as much as
males.

Many animals fart too.
Cats, dogs, and cows.

also touched on the present
conflict surrounding the oper-
ation of the station, and why it
is not broadcasting.

“| am worried about
access issues. Right now |
am taking steps to make the
station stable, and not every-
body is co-operating yet.
Tonight I'll be presenting a
restructuring of the organiza-
tion of E.A.R.S. | want the
station to move from the
crazy, old order to a new sys-
tem model” said Russell.

With that said, the Board
assembled for its E.G.M.,
with Russell as Chair. They
discussed insurance and
transmitter issues, updated

Elephants fart the most.

People fart the most in
their sleep.

Farts that contain a large
amount of methane & hydro-
gen can be flammable.

Plagiarized from useless
knowledge.com

Having perused all of the
above, you are probably won-
dering how this sometimes
embarrassing and obnoxious
phenomena became such a
part of our growing up. How is
it possible that we could learn
poems about our bodily func-
tions but never learn what
caused them?

A goodly portion of my -

education in this area was
compliments of my siblings. It
seems brothers are quite pre-
pared to teach you words,
phrases and poems and then
say, “Now, go tell mommy”!

Some of the more memo-
rable prose that | was proud
of are below for your edifica-
tion.

Here |
hearted

Run a mile and only fart-
ed.

Beans, beans, the musi-
cal fruit;

The more you eat, the
more you toot.

Jean, Jean made a
machine

Frank, Frank turned the

sit all broken

crank

Joe, Joe made it go

Art, Art let a fart

And blew the damn thing
all apart

For reasons that escape
me, “Mommy” did not think
that it was as funny as | did!

Of course as one _ gets
older, the typical childish
musings are cast aside for
much more serious adult pas-
times such as farting con-
tests.

Now | can remember the
farting Olympics in confined
spaces that resulted in.every-
one frantically being wedged
in the doorway gasping for
fresh air. Sessions often
caused “flatlining” and partici-
pants had to be revived with
generous applications of
water.

The Olympic committee
of one, my brother, professed
to know the rules and | must
admit, the rules were quite
reasonable; no steroids and
no skidmarks!

Medals could be won for
the most musical, the
longest, the noisiest, the
stinkiest and the most com-
plex. Complexity was based
upon range, frequency and
variance. Being able to tap
out SOS in morse code was
considered a gold medal per-
formance.

SBD’s (silent but deadly)
were not medal contenders
because you could not prove
who did it. The EM, earth
mover, was considered “fla-
tus flauntus”, a foul that often
ended in a BM.

Of course there was the
“urban legend” of the ‘blue
blazer’; applying an ignition
source to the air-stream of
someone who had been eat-
ing cabbage, beans and
moose-meat sausage. (poop
under pressure) This risky
event was responsible for a
number of searing injuries for
which UV protection proved
of minimal benefit.

Now this all may sound
just a little bit unbelievable to
some, but there were
redeeming aspects such as
the considerable cama-
raderie and male bonding
associated with discovery of
intestinal flora and fauna.

And, as you well know,
imitation is the highest form
of flatulence.

Unfortunately over time,
excessive flatulence can tend
to limit ones social life. It
causes severe desensitizing
of the olfactory organs and
has been proven to be the
leading cause of the now
common, repetitive stress
injury, CTS, or crapal tunnel
syndrome.

Conflicts Resolved

on concert promotions, and
mulled over contract issues
with N.U.G.S.S. The work-
study position being offered
through E.A.R.S. was also
discussed as Dr. Elizabeth
Croft has stepped down as
the supervisor of that posi-
tion, and a hopeful replace-
ment is in the works.

The meat of the meeting
progressed with the presen-
tation by Russell focussing
on the restructuring of the
organization. A formal pro-
posal will be ready for the
Board at the next E.A.R.S.
Board meeting; however, the
preliminary proposal was well
received. é

Russell proposed to
make a line between the
Board and the operation of
the station, the Board being
an advisory and ultimate
decision making group. As
Russell pointed out, with
these changes, when the
directors can’t agree then the
station would still run smooth-
ly as the directors would not
be running the station; con-
flicts would be kept out of the
office.

After giving Russell the
go ahead to do a formal pro-
posal, E.A.R.S. elected their f
Executives.

Glen Yakemchuck is

now the’ President of

E.A.R.S. after a unanimous
vote in his favour. Alex Reid
was unanimously voted in as
Treasurer of the Board, and
Niki Hebb was unanimously
voted in as Secretary to the
Board, although she is not a
director.

Dave Russell remains
as Station Manager, with
David Schindler’s position
being defined as Director at
Large. The meeting was then
adjourned.