OVER THE EDGE January 16-30, 2008 | So the American presidential election sea- son is finally open. If you’re like me, you’ve been following it for the better part of a year already. However, odds are you’re not like me (a political junkie), but you could have been frothing at the mouth since candidates started declaring themselves possible succes- sors to the likes of G-Dub anyways. I mean, let’s face it: it’s the most wide open race for the American presidency in fifty-some-odd years. There’s a dyed in the wool libertarian creating a huge buzz on the net (Ron Paul), a millionaire Mormon (Mitt Romney), a lazy lawyer-turned actor-turned Senator-turned ac- tor casting himself as the new Reagan (Fred Thompson), a jazz bass-playing Baptist Min- ister (Mike Huckabee), a geriatric ex-POW (John McCain), and a less-than-squeaky-clean Islamaphobe with a slight lisp (Rudy Guliani) vying to carry the all-but-doomed Republican banner to the ‘08 polls. The Democrats, see- ing room for some experimentation in light of their promising fortunes, have opted to make quite the show of their slate of nominees. In addition to the traditional cast of ageing white guys (Chris Dodd, Joe Biden, Dennis Kucinich), a Hispanic former Governor (Bill Richardson), a young $400-haircut ‘populist’ (John Edwards), a former first lady and ice queen (Hillary Clinton) and a somewhat black Lincoln/JFK hybrid (Barak Obama) seek to make history in American politics. Naturally, the nomination process in the US is incredibly long, expensive and arduous. How better to weed out those who don’t have what it takes (or can’t afford [to sell their souls to corporate donors]) to lead the ‘free world’? So, in preparation for January 3rd in Iowa, these candidates and others spend ridiculous The opinions expressed in Over the Edge are those of the writers alone and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial staff or newspaper society. Feedback can be e-mailed to over-the-edge@unbc.ca. ponents’ records while paying organizers in each state to round up supporters to ‘caucus’ (vote) for them. The votes each candidate gets in a state ‘primary’ affords them precious delegate seats at the party convention. Each candidate’s plan then, is to get the majority of delegate seats going into the convention so that s/he is declared the party’s nominee. If no candidate has a majority of seats, they all have to compete and make back room deals to survive rounds in a runoff at convention. Barak Obama, Oprah’s darling and beacon of lofty idealism to the youthful masses, took out front-runner Hillary Clinton in Iowa. Mrs. Clinton managed to get third, behind John ‘Everyman’ Edwards. Then she cried a little in front of reporters before the New Hamp- shire primary and women voters empathized enough to save her from complete humilia- tion, scoring her a squeaker of a victory over Obama. These first two primaries have been upsets for Mitt Romney, who, being rich, out- spent his competitors dramatically, but still came second to Huckabee in Iowa and Mc- Cain in New Hampshire. Now, on February 5th twenty-four states will hold their primary contests. This so- called ‘Tsunami Tuesday’ will give us all a pretty good idea of who each party’s nom- inee will be. I can’t speculate on how it will go down, but my vote would be for Obama. Could you imagine this: “...and now President of the United States of America, Barak Hus- sein Obama will deliver his first State of the Union address to a joint session of the United States Congress”. Dynamite! Wouldn’t all the red-state rednecks be sooooo pissed?!? Of course, as we’ve all learnt, presidents who amounts of money for ads to trash their op- actively preach changing the status quo of American leadership get assassinated (Lin- coln & JFK). Even presidential nominees have been capped before they could try to turn it all around (Bobby Kennedy). Maybe it’s not in Obama’s interest to be invoking the memory of these hallowed leaders lest he be tempting fate. But damn those would-be kill- ers who would seek to off such a man of hope, reconciliation and redirection. Isn’t it time the American people had a president they could be unabashedly proud of? I mean really, Fred Thompson? His aides call him as lazy as the southern drawl he adopted whilst ‘riding around Tennessee in his red Chevy pickup truck’. Rudy Guliani makes mobsters look sweet with his shady business deals and cohorts, while trying to scare people into voting for him through his invocation of the words “Terror, Terrorism, Terrorist, 9/11 and Islamofacism” in prac- tically every sentence. This guy WANTS to go to war with Iran. Mike Huckabee is only getting attention because he’s the only candi- date with credentials the evangelical Christian right can get behind; and we all know count- ing that group as a support base is a construct- ive force in America today. John McCain would likely die from an aneurysm in office during a media scrum full of flashing lights that triggered POW memories of Vietnamese blinking light torture. Mitt Romney seems like the least objectionable choice (other than the startlingly refreshing but oh-so-impractic- able Ron Paul) of the Republican field. Sad thing is, he’s a Republican. How could a Re- publican presidency inspire global confidence in the US and evoke the better instincts of its citizens? Furthermore, this crop of Republic- ans amounts to little better than a sycophantic cheer squad for the memory of the late, not- that-great Ronald Reagan. The Democratic race has been dominated by the possibility of the first (insert under- represented group here) president in history. Unfortunately for Bill Richardson, his sup- port doesn’t seem to go much beyond his home state of New Mexico. Plus, the illegal immigration issue still seething away in the States doesn’t ingratiate his Hispanic-ness to any side of the debate... so he dropped out of the race after New Hampshire. John Ed- wards keeps somewhere near the front run- ners as he champions the plight of the poor- est Americans left on the wanting side of the growing income gap. His biggest hurdle to being at the front of the pack: being a dude that happens to be white. Damn, ain’t that a bitch. Meanwhile Hillary automatically gets the theoretical vote from women wanting to see a little gender diversity in the Oval Of- fice. Too bad she’s ever-so stiff and mechan- ical. As a Washington insider, she shares the taint of years of gridlock, graft and gullibility. That tear bought her some breaks when all the pundits had declared her candidacy fizzled on Barak Obama’s surge. The endorsement of Oprah Winfrey, woman’s beacon of insight, had everyone thinking women fled Hillary’s pantsuit revolution. Well, New Hampshire proved a few things. One: Some women still appreciate the ‘cankle’ obscuring nuances of the pantsuit. Two: Women aren’t as a rule of a single mind nor a fan of Oprah (that “Million Little Pieces” thing really scathed her). Three: Obama may have momentum and a big bag of hope to go with his message, but this race is far from a lock. Stay Classy America. Tom FirzPaTrick CONTRIBUTOR We just need to leave Afghanistan; it is a war we cannot win. I am a student of military history, and the Taliban are fighting us with unconventional warfare tactics, and unconventional warfare beat conventional warfare tactics almost every time. This will become Vietnam for us, or perhaps a better analogy is that it will become the same Afghan war the Russians fought. They know how to use the media and their tactics are effective against us. Let’s be serious for a moment, all they have to do is wait us out, AND THEY WILL WAIT US OUT NO MATTER WHAT WE TRY. They have the will, weapons, and the largest tunnel networks seen since Vietnam. To question if I support the troops is idiotic, everyone sup- ports the troops, and even the tree hugging hippies from Horn- by Island support the troops. No one wants to see harm come to our own troops, because I know a fair amount of troops whom are serving, have served or are going to serve there. More to the point internationally, why should we stick our neck out anymore than it has been? The only countries in Af- ghanistan that are doing regular patrols outside their bases are the Canuck, Yanks, Brits and Aussies, there are so many other countries participating in this operation THAT AREN’T DO- ING SHIT! This pisses me off especially after all we have done internationally, these countries refuse to step up so why should we?! Soldiers are an important resource to this countries security, not many people want to do that kind of job, I don’t want to do that job. So let’s not use them on this waste of time! We will need them when it counts, and Afghanistan isn’t worth it! We are simply establishing a government of Drug lords and War- lords that are no different than the drug lords and warlords we kicked out. The Northern Alliance is just as bad as the Taliban; they’re paying lip service to women’s liberation there. Women are still threatened and killed for trying to receive their educa- tion. The second our backs are turned the burkas will be back on, whether or not we are ‘successful’ which is already an im- possibility. We aren’t going to change their culture because we CANT CHANGE THEIR CULTURE. Right or wrong it’s THEIR CULTURE AND THEY WILL DEFEND IT. Plus in like 20 years we’ll be gearing up to fight the northern alliance when they decide to bite us in the ass AND THEY WILL! Because, we helped the Taliban against the Russians and guess who they attacked!?! Afghanistan has 2 major ex- ports, opium and war! There may be some good people there and it’s tragic they live under the conditions that they do, but it’s not worth our lives to try to fix their country. You-:might as well try to spit out a tire fire. The ones that receive an educa-’ tion from our help will either join the Taliban or just leave the country. I hope they go for the second. Angry Rants From 1:00 am As for the argument, “If we don’t fight them there, they’ll come attack us here!”, I say “BRING THEM ON”, if they want to get stupid enough to attack us here, let them try, we will slaughter them. They can’t invade us logistically; they can maybe throw a terrorist attack here and there BUT THEY COULD DO THAT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT OUR TROOPS ARE IN AFGHANISTAN. The majority of terrorists involved in Al Qaeda are from SAUDI ARABIA! That’s where they get their funding! That’s where they get their leaders! THAT’S WHERE BIN LADEN IS, INALL LIKELHOOD! Did they check his family’s house? I doubt it. I really don’t care that Bush was involved in this Cluster- fuck; He’s got a bigger one on his hands in Iraq. But he doesn’t give a shit because the companies he supports, like Hallibur- ton and Backwater (heartless shits) are making amazing prof- its. Halliburton will make billions off of the high oil prices... but that’s another rant. Afghanistan is fucked whether we pull out now, 2009 or 2099. The only difference will be how many of our soldiers will be in graveyards. If Afghanistan was a car it would be a rusted Pinto, the en- gine is about to fall out, the axels are busted, the hubcaps are fucked, there are no seats. It’s a fucking write-off. IT ISN’T WORTH FIXING.