10

December 1, 2010 + Over the Edge

Chaos and Airports

Chaos! Bedlam! Entropy! The airplane edition.

ECATERINA CIUGUREANU
FEATURES EDITOR

| would like to consider myself a tolerant
person: | am permissive of ideas that differ
from my own (mostly) and | also have a high
alcohol tolerance (except for some nights).
Then airports happen. The second | step my
foot into an airport, my Type A personality
becomes heightened to frightening degrees.
What is type A personality? It’s a delicious
mix of a) time urgency, b) hostility, and c)
competitiveness. Yes, don’t care much
about my grades, but | sure get crazy and
start elbowing people when the luggage
carousel starts working.

With my recent experience with airlines,
airports, and all that jazz, things got real.
Well, real for everyone around me, but
extremely delusional for me. | was late

for my flight and was doing some speed
walking when | walked into a wall. After
realizing, | am not a ghost, | look around.
A ridiculous amount of people are cluttered
in this tiny room and a security guard, who
may | add, is CHARGING HIS PHONE,

is standing there just yelling, “Terminal’s
closed.” Thanks, mall cop, the sequel. We
all know 9/11 was an inside job and what
not, but at least pretend to somehow make
my life secure. Nope, instead, without
further explanation, | am forced to sit ona
heater. | certainly felt like listening to the
King of Leon hit “Sex on Fire” since things
were getting pretty heated between me,
that heater, and my jeggings, but my iPod
was dying. When it rains it pours. Then

in come these idiots who decide to start
doing splits and walking on their hands and
removing their clothing in this tiny cramped
room. It’s like if KFC chickens were waiting
to get slaughtered and these hamsters
come in and start doing the Macarena.
Inappropriate. They announce that they are
trained acrobats who just came from China.
That piece of information is relevant to me
in any way if only you can somehow leap
through that wall and somehow get me to
my final destination! They start doing these
stretches, which involve them practically
making love to each other. How about you
wait five minutes and just join the mile high
club?

We are finally moved to another waiting
area, yet we are still not boarding. | look
over and see this girl is missing her flight to
Korea, while | am freaking about my flight
to PRINCE GEORGE. That put things in
perspective for exactly 35 seconds. Then

| start freaking out again. If we must draw
conclusions about demographics, it seems
like most people go through life apathetic,
while only | and visible minorities display
any kind of concern about anything. Two
hours later, we get on a plane, which
apparently landed from a back alley where
they make fake designer bags. Finally, |
am in my seat and low and behold: they
make this switch where the window seat
behind the emergency exit row does not
have a seat in front of it. Simplification: |
don’t have a TV and the life of this plane

is on my shoulders. First part was an
issue, the second part wasn’t. | was so
angry, | was willing to sacrifice all of us
just in order to murder those acrobats,
who were probably Chippendale dancers
anyway. | hate them so much, | would
rather share a plane with snakes and
Samuel L Jackson. Just when | think | can
make my connection in Vancouver if we
leave...NOW, the flight attendants start
they’re survey about whether people sitting
in emergency exit rows feel comfortable
sitting there? Four out of six people sitting
there do not. | theorize this has something
to do with me not wearing deodorant that
day. After that 15 minute ordeal, | took a
little nap. | was rudely awoke by a man
trying to shove cookies in my face. If it was
any other day, | would gladly welcome that
gesture, but | wasn’t taking any of that in
that moment. | calmly rejected his offer. But
he CONTINUED to push those cookies into
my hands. This man clearly was not ready
to take no for an answer. Being a male in

a female dominated profession he clearly
had something to prove. But | still gently
nudged his hand away from my face, which
lead to this weird push and pull situation,
which almost led to a fist fight.

| finally get off this flight from hell. | miss my
connecting by 5 minutes. And then came

the waterworks. | continuously cried on a
bench while dialling the vast majority of
acquaintances. When my phone had one
bar left, | went to a help desk where they
kindly informed me that | will NOT be able
to get on the two o’clock flight because it is
full but | am certainly on the waiting list. The
flight after that is also full, but the 10pm is
looking good.

| am bursting into more tears informing
them | have a class at 4 where we get
participation marks and | to hand in a paper.
| am pretty sure even if | was in labour that
man would not have any of it. | called my
professor, whose piece of advice was to

get a stir fry that would require eating with
chop sticks and would help me calm down.
I chose to do a little bit more crying instead.
| went to a different help desk, where a man
in front of me appropriately named Moses,
was posing the same questions as me. In
his list of demands were a) getting to Prince

Let's Bring Rick Mercer to UNBC
Spread the Net Campaign wants Mercer to visit UNBC

DONALD IRELAND
CONTRIBUTER

This year is an exciting year for our university because we are taking part in the Spread the

Net
Student Challenge.

ONLINE SOURCE

Flying only seems to get more and more difficult these days

George as soon as possible, b) possibly
being provided a car to drive there, c) hotel
with covered cab fair, d) being flown to
some other location nearby Prince George.
Of course, he was told to wait. BUT he was
given a ten dollar meal voucher.

Although | as dehydrated, | managed to
squeeze a couple of more tears out to get a
meal voucher AND a second boarding pass
on a flight | did not even have a seat on. If
Moses and | were on the Amazing Race,
we would be the team everyone hates, but
since this was just reality, we were just two
individuals who everyone hates.

| did get on the 2 o’clock plane and to

my class. Everything worked out okay,

as always. But my condition remains
untreatable. | am cursed with living life with
so much passion it literally takes down
airplanes. This is my cross. And | will carry
it. | will carry it well.

Spread the Net is a campaign that has parterned with UNICEF in order to raise money for
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This would be a great opportunity to highlight our school and show the nation who we are.
We are excited to be taking part in this year’s Spread the Net Student Challenge. We are
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There is also a link to the donation page on UNBC’s homepage.

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ONLINE SOURCE

Mercer is Canada’s most famous comedic political commentator.