@Ouer Che Edge

VOL. XXII, NO. VIII PRINCE GEORGE, TUESDAY, APRIL 5, 2016 FREE

UNBC LIBRARY

NUGSS Election
Results

Arctica Cunningham is your
new President, Johanne Jensen-
LeBlanc the new VP External
Affairs, Eric Depenau the new
VP Finance, Krystal Devauld
the new Academic Representa-
tive, Ana Saenz the new VP
Internal Affairs, Josh Skarbo
the new VP Social, David
Schroeter the new AD Events,
Jeremy Komlos the new AD
Communications, Raychill the
new Sustainability Representa-
tive, Kasandra Johnny-Turbide
the new Aboriginal Representa-
tive, and Shannon Williams is
your new Women’s Representa-
tive.

Your new undergraduate stu-
dent government took office and
was sworn in on April | (not an
April Fool’s joke).

NEARS COMPLETION

UNBC Still Exists

Despite fears that the appoint-
ment of former Conservative
cabinet minister James Moore

as Chancellor would cause the
University of Northern British
Columbia to burst into flames or
dissolve into a puddle of goo,
UNBC still remains atop Cran-
brook Hill, structurally intact.

“T think I’ve figured it out,”
says Dr. Necromium of the Dark
Magicks faculty, “I don’t think
his dark power comes into effect
until he’s sworn in as
Chancellor. The rest of the
faculty and I are debating on the
magical properties of appointees.
Just to be sure, I’m still moni-
toring the vibrational frequen-
cies of Earth’s ley lines.”

No word on if being Canada’s
Green University will tip the
karmic scales in UNBC’s favour.

Remains of Previous Civilization Found

Archeologists working at the site

on Cranbrook Hill have made a
startling discovery. After won-

dering about the identity of these

strange hill-dwelling people for
many decades, we may finally
have a name for them.

The word “NUGSS” was found
painted on a crudely done piece
of glass art. These Nugssians,
as the researchers have taken

to calling them, were a strange

subset of humanity that seemed
to all possess large amounts of
indecipherable arcane tomes as
well as these strange metal and
glass rectangle frequently cov-
ered in rubber padding.

The word “NBCGSS” was also
found, but it is unclear if this is
a common misspelling, some sort
of cadet family branch of the
Nugssian dynasty, or something

else. Contrary to popular belief,
it seems that the Nugssians used
primitive wireless communica-

tions facilities to transmit music.

A repository of ancient papyrus
scrolls was found in the adjacent
room, and linguists are hard at
work deciphering them. No word
as to what the phrase “BEWARE
THE SWAINGER” carved into a
wooden door in one of the build-
ings actually means.

UNBC Appoints
New Executives

In a press statement last Friday,
the University of Northern Brit-
ish Columbia announced that
they had appointed two new ex-
ecutives to fill vacant positions.
Robert Knight was named Vice
President Finance and Operations
and Tim Tribe was named Vice
President Advancement and
Communications.