'STILL WALKING ON EGG SHELLS': WOMEN'S LIVED
EXPERIENCE OF STAYING WITH THEIR PARTNERS WHO
HAVE COMPLETED ABUSIVE MEN'S TREATMENT GROUPS

by
Christine M. Leischner
B.A., University of Victoria, 1980
B.S.W., University of Victoria, 1995

THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE
REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK

© Christine Mary Leischner, 1997
THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
April, 1997
All rights reserved. This work may not be
reproduced in whole or in part, by photocopy or other means,
without the permission of the author.

11

ABSTRACT
Woman abuse is a serious problem in our society and our ready acceptance of men's
treatment groups as a solution to woman abuse maybe short-sighted. Outcome investigations of
abusive men's treatment groups have failed to include women's experience as a measure of
treatment success and often disparity exists on whether success has been achieved. Many studies
examine only physical abuse and fail to acknowledge the role of psychological abuse in
relationships.
The goal of this study was to listen to the voices of those women who have stayed with
their partners after the men have completed group treatment and to understand their day-to-day
experience of living with the 'treated' man.
This feminist-oriented descriptive phenomenological study investigates five women, using
face-to-face interview techniques. Descriptive information was generated from audio taped
interviews. A metaphor emerged as the core phenomenon which participants described as 'still
walking on eggshells'. This described the experience ofliving with their partners, post-group,
and defined the essential element of the post-group experience. Within this core phenomenon,
five themes were identified: safety, women's work of staying in the relationship, partner's use of
power and control, concern for children and the role of the 'system' .
These descriptions of the essence of the post-group relationship allow us to hear from the
women who experience the daily reality of "still walking on egg shells", a perspective often
unheard and therefore unacknowledged. These perspectives indicate a need to review our current
treatment options for abusive men as a means of providing greater safety to women.

111

TABLE OF CONTENTS
ABSTRACTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
DEDICATION
CHAPTER ONE --INTRODUCTION AND LITERATURE REVIEW
Introduction
Historical Context
Social Context
Research Question
Significance
Literature review
Naming the Problem
The Societal Context of Violence Against Women
Abusive Men's Treatment Group Evaluation
Defining Women's Safety
Abused Women's Perspective
CHAPTER TWO -- EXPLORING FEMINIST ORIENTED DESCRIPTIVE
PHENOMENOLOGY:
Introduction
Descriptive Phenomenology
Feminist Research
Methods
Participants
Procedure
Recruitment Process
Participant Characteristics
Interviews
Thematic Analysis
Overview of the Process
Meaning Units
Themes
Essences
Synthesis
Writing and re-writing
Achieving Quality
Credibility

11
111
VI
VII

1
1
2
4
6
8
9
11
14
17
23

26

29
29

30
32

35
35

37
37
39
40

45
45
45

46
47
48
49

50
50

IV

Fittingness
Relevance
Rigor
Internal Validity
Objectivity
Risks of this Research
CHAPTER THREE - RESEARCH OUTCOMES : What did I hear?
The Struggle for Meaning: Making sense of their lives

51
51
52
52

53

54

55
55

The Core Phenomenon: "Walking on Egg Shells"

59

Five Themes

65

1. Woman's Work of Staying in the Relationship
Accepting Responsibility
Guilt
Empowerment

65
66
67

2. Partners Use ofPower and Control

Psychological Control
Economic Control

69

74
74

76

3. Concern for Children

79

4.The Role of the 'System"

81

5. Safety
Unpredictability and the Presence ofDanger
Actual Incidents of Abuse
Alcohol and Drugs
Provoking Violence

86
86
90

The 'Exception'

93

Summary

97

87
89

Documentary Data
Supporting Information

98
98

CHAPTER FOUR: CONCLUSIONS
Future Research

100
103

BIBLIOGRAPHY

106

v
APPENDICES
A. Letter of Introduction
B. Participant Information Card
C. Consent to Participate and Release Form
D . Interview Guide
E . Power and Control and Equity Wheels

117

119
121
123
125
127

VI

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

None of what I have done would have been possible without the involvement of the
courageous and honest women whom I interviewed. They took risks in talking to me.Their trust
in my ability to describe their lives is immense. Their strength as women who continue to care
and to hope is inspiring. I acknowledge the courage of those women who shared with me their
stories and all women who struggle each day to find a way to be safe.
I am indebted to my long time friend, Sue McNeil for her hours of transcribing and
patience with my schedule. She cares about this issue otherwise she would not have contributed
the hours she did: I owe her much. A special thanks to my friend Carol Usher for the proofing
and corrections.
To the staff at Attorney General Branch, Government of British Columbia, Adult
Probation, especially Ursula Morris; to Diana Nakamura and Bev Zorn, Victim Support
Workers, what you did may have seemed minor but it allowed me to reach the women whose
voices must be heard and validated. Your co-operation has been a valuable contribution to the
work of abused women.
I am ever thankful to the members of my committee, Barbara Isaac, my thesis supervisor,
who gave me heart to continue and who believed in what I was doing even when I had lost faith
in my ability to proceed. I am grateful to Barbara Berringer and David Del Mar, my thesis
advisors, who worked with my deadlines and were there ifl needed them. It is strong women and
men like these people who will be a large part of finding the solution to woman abuse. They
helped me to understand the ways of the academic and the balance of wisdom one must have in
order to promote the cause of safety for women.
And last but never least, my deepest thanks go to my family who have stood by me
through the intense years of my work. To my son Ky, my love and gratitude for cooking dinners
and for those special hugs that kept me going as I madly typed away. To my daughter, Rissa,
whose strength and questioning has kept me grounded, my love and thanks for your presence in
my life. To my husband and friend, Larry, I want to acknowledge your role in holding things
together so I could invest more of myself in this wonderful process of learning. You have
challenged me to question more than you will ever realize. Thank you for believing in me.

Vll

DEDICATION
This work is dedicated to my mother, Joyce Beattie, who has, unknowingly,
inspired me to seek the answers to the issue of woman abuse. Her strength
kept us all together and her loving kept us strong despite many difficult years.

Still walking on egg shells

1

CHAPTER ONE
Introduction and Literature Review
Introduction
Woman abuse is a serious problem in our society, indeed it has been deemed to be a
crime. The solution to this problem that we appear to have accepted most readily in North
America is the use of group treatment as an effective intervention. Determining effectiveness
however, is a much more difficult and often ignored issue. The women who stay with their
partners after these group interventions are seldom heard from in the determination of whether or
not the group has been effective in increasing the levels of safety in their daily lives. The focus of
this study is the women who stay with their partners after group treatment, what their lives
involve after their partner is treated and how they would determine the effectiveness of group
intervention.
A number of issues must be considered when any examination of violence against women
is undertaken. These include an historical perspective of the problem, the social structures that
respond to and, or support the problem, the political, social and community responses to the
problem and finally, but certainly not less important, women's voices and their experiences. The
purpose of this enquiry is to explore and understand the lived experience of these women. It is
through the description of their experience, uncovered through my interviews, that I hope to
inform the discourse surrounding this seldom debated issue. It is hoped that by documenting their
experiences of living with their partners who have completed group treatment we may be better
able to understand and eliminate violence against women.

Still walking on egg shells

2

Historical Context
The historical context of violence against women is closely related to our patriarchal
development as a society and culture. Little has been studied on this issue as few historians have
attempted to reach into the private domain of abusive men and abused women, instead preferring
to leave this often times shameful and private matter, private (Peterson del Mar, 1996).
Throughout history, the family has been seen as a sanctuary where physical violence among
family members is permissible and the explicit right of certain family members. However as one
historian, Metzger (1978), concludes ,"Men today batter their wives for the same reasons that
men have battered women throughout history: because they have believed it is their right, their
privilege and the duty to do so" (p.66). The early 1970's and the feminist movement opened up
public and private discussions of this previously hidden issue. Since then, research, studies,
literature and media have begun to more actively investigate the phenomenon of woman abuse.
Religion has played a strong role in the construction of our current day ideals about the
nature of women and the social relationships between women and men. The consequences of
theological thinking has had profound impact on every women in society today whether
religiously involved or not. Throughout the Bible the fundamental notion of women is that they
are property belonging to men and that their sexuality belongs to their husbands, fathers or
brothers, not themselves (Milne, 1995). Women are perceived as a danger to men and their
. "bodies and words are deemed dangerous not to just a man' s honor but to his very life. They
create the need to silence women's voices and to control women's bodies" (Milne, 1995, p.49).
Women throughout the Bible are deemed inferior and subordinate to men. They are
oppressed through the use of metaphorical text which are woman-blaming such as the story of
Adam and Eve. It is the religious ideology of gender which has formed much of the basis for our

Still walking on egg shells

3

traditional beliefs of what constitutes family in today' s Canadian society. During the late
nineteenth century, the Church and State worked in partnership to allow women a role in the
changing society. While the Church developed the "social gospel" movement, a movement
recognizing women as an "agency of Christian Women", the State took advantage of women's
movement into the public work arena to utilize women in a "grand mission of mothering"
(Baines, 1991). This statement, by the first President of the National Council of Women, Lady
Aberdeen, was indicative of women's role expansion into larger society, often as unpaid labor.
This work was not new work. It was an extension of our caring roles in the home out into the
public sphere (Baines, 1991). Women became a necessity for both the church and the state to
proceed with their plans for social development. However, the emergence of women into the area
of social action did not give us an equal position in society. While this did provide an opportunity
for solidarity, women maintained their public role as members of women's organizations,
working for women and children in institutions like hospitals and schools, under the watchful
control of male clergy and male patrons. Even today the religiously conservative forces of the
church and state continue to insist that women's proper role is in the home as wife and mother,
with their primary function being to procreate. If they do play a public role, this ideological
partnership of state and church allows women a less remunerated, less accessible role, one which
clearly defines women's insubordinate status. It is this socially constructed attitude towards
women within which men assume the 'right' to abuse women.

Still walking on egg shells

4

Social Context
·People tend to reduce violence to an individual level. Instead of questioning the systemic
disparities that reinforce violence, people generally see only the individual characteristics and
attributes that constitute violence. This type of ' reductionism' is the central approach used when
studying men's violence against women (Morash, 1986). Men's individual psycho-pathology is
used to analyse this issue (Dutton, 1986), and the women who are abused are reduced to
individual characteristics that make them stay in the abusive relationship (Hotaling & Sugarman,
1990).
When examining woman abuse, individual characteristics are only one part ofthe analysis.
A social context is also needed. While a social analysis may appear to deny the individualized
impact on the victim and take responsibility from the offender, it is not intended to do so.
Instead, a socially-oriented paradigm for example, feminist thinking, allows for abuse to be
viewed in the context in which it occurs and, importantly, to see where the solutions to the
problem may be apparent.
Abuse of women in relationships reflects the disparity of distribution of power as well as
the social norms condoning violence that are evident in society as a whole. "Canadian society

remains fundamentally patriarchal" (Milne, 1995, p.44). Patriarchy is defined as "a system of
male authority which oppresses women through its social, political and economic institutions"
(Humm, 1989, p.159). Our society is considered patriarchal in that men fill most influential
decision-making positions; they control the majority of the country' s capital, and still have
preferential access to education (Milne, 1995). There are a number of specific beliefs in our
society that are maintained by certain behaviors. Patriarchy is one belief that supports the
injustice which allows the maintenance of women' s oppression.

Still walking on egg shells

5

Another belief, that ' might makes right', is supported by violence or the threat of violence
(Bishop, 1994). The use of both violent and nonviolent means of controlling women is condoned
by the larger cultural and social structures that sanction men's violence against women (Gagne,
1992). Social controls of women are also enforced through the continuation of other variables
such as low wages, poor work opportunities and limited access to child care. This restricts them
economically and hinders their autonomy. Male social control of women is an accepted part of
women's every day life (Green, Hebron & Woodward, 1989). Because this control is a social
norm, it is seen as legitimate and even thought to be 'natural', especially when sanctified by the
state of matrimony. The invisibility ofwomen's work as caregivers in our industrialized society
allows men to expect women's services without recognizing their reliance upon these services.
When access to this invisible service is denied, male violence escalates as men perceive a threat to
their control (Pennell, 1995). Should women resist men's authority and male privilege, then they
live with the fear of retribution, perhaps in the form of violence. Most women are socialized to
avoid conflict, fear violence, defer to men, concede, change the subject or blame themselves for
erring (Langford, 1994) in an attempt to maintain the harmony in their relationships.
These processes are the same for women living with abuse, although perhaps more
exaggerated. For this reason a sensitivity to their partner' s behaviors and their perception of
danger are more acute. Thus, the social context of woman abuse is important in understanding
the issue of safety for women after their partner' s completion of a treatment group.

Still walking on egg shells

6

RESEARCH QUESTION
There is clear agreement that abuse of women is a problem in our culture today. There is
less agreement about whether this abuse is a family problem or a more universal issue of
oppression of women. Beneath the stated opposition to woman abuse is a complex definition of
the issue and varied reaction to that definition. As we search beneath the outer camouflaging of
mainstream reaction to woman abuse, there appears a more yielding substance and more
complicated response to the issue. These reactions depend on norms, values and socialization of
the individual or organization that is addressing the issue. In North America, we have primarily
chosen to address this issue from a 'family violence' perspective, seeing violence as an
interpersonal issue between all family members. Thus, funds have been designated, women's
shelters erected, groups to treat male offenders established and campaigns begun to send a social
message about the unacceptability of this family issue ofviolence. Thus, I explore this concept in
greater depth in the literature review.
This raises the question of whether this approach is working if we have not seen a
reduction ofviolence against women in the twenty years that men's treatment groups have
existed. Because there is a wide discrepancy in what is considered success in treatment of abusive
men (Edelson &Tolman, 1995), determining the impact and effectiveness of abusive men's
treatment groups on women becomes an arbitrary task. Women are often not included in the
process of determining effectiveness yet it is for their safety that the groups exist. One could
argue that until a standard definition of effectiveness is established, researchers will continue to
define their own parameters of success thus perhaps producing a varied and skewed perspective
on effectiveness.
Effectiveness is generally defined along a continuum with some researchers having used

Still walking on egg shells

7

statistically significant reductions in physical violence to demonstrate program success (Neidig,
1986) while others approach the definition as the completely refined alteration of program
participants as pro-feminist men (Gondolf, 1987). The major controversy surrounding the
evaluation of abusers' programs focuses on the extent to which one will go in defining violence
as an issue of more than physical proportions.
Another term utilized in these discussions but seldom defined is 'safety'. Again, some
researchers will define safety as the reduction of physically harmful incidents (Straus, 1979)
while other researchers will study safety as a reduction of physical and psychological incidents
(Harrell, 1991). The British Columbia government's guiding principles cites, "The safety of
women and children is paramount" (1992, p.32), yet they fail to define safety other than to refer
to stopping all forms of violence as a goal of most programs. Safety then is not standardized nor
is it explicitly defined. For the purpose of my research I have defined ' safety' as the absence of
danger or threat of danger, whether physical or psychological. By including the concept of threat
in the definition of safety, many studies on evaluation of effectiveness would be unacceptable. By
including threat in the discourse, we may begin to validate women's experiences and give them
opportunity to include threats as a valid part of their reality and experience.
My research question asks women, who have been abused by their partner and who have
stayed after he has received treatment, what their life is like now. Would they define their lives as
safer? What is the life quality of this relationship? If men's treatment groups are indeed a service
for women as well as men, then why are women addressed in the research only in the context of
quantitative reports? My belief is that women are the best source from which to determine both
the impact and the success of men' s treatment groups. I also believe that the important
knowledge will be found in the voices of these women and their experiences.

Still walking on egg shells

8

SIGNIFICANCE
Currently treatment groups for abusive men are the solution most referred to in the issue
of violence against women. There are a growing number of researchers and practitioners
however, who are questioning their effectiveness or ' success' (Gondolf, 1987; Hart, 1992
Edleson, 1995) as we cannot always ethically assure women that these group~ are effective. Yet
it is the men' s involvement in such groups that many times prolongs women's involvement in the
abusive relationship . My research explores whether we are providing an illusion of safety and
therefore hope for women, which in fact we cannot prove or support. Many women stay in the
abusive relationship because their partner is receiving ' help'. Are we giving ' help' to men that in
tum assures the ' safety' of their women partners? Social workers, clinicians, practitioners and
policy makers base their acceptance ofthe use of men's group' s on the beliefthat they are
effective. They often do not have the time or in the case of rural and northern workers, the access
to information that would allow them to question and find alternatives that better provide for the
safety of abused women in their care. Research that is inclusionary in its language, and qualitative
in its design may assist many individuals and bureaucrats in making better decisions on behalf of
their clients, decisions that will ensure women's safety.

We know that women who leave their partners are at greater risk ofbeing murdered
(Cooper, 1994; Wilson & Daly, 1993). This possibility requires that the decision to leave or to
stay is one that could cost them their lives, either way. To be able to provide an alternative to the
risk of being murdered for leaving or being further abused and possibly murdered for staying, is a
necessity rather than a luxury for women. If we can listen more carefully and certainly more often
to the women who stay after the treatment group, then policies, financial support, community
initiatives and support services would possibly be more responsive to the issue of women abuse

Still walking on egg shells

9

in all its dimensions.

Literature Review
Two competing paradigms are the basis of a controversy about violence against women,
which splits researchers, academics and practitioners. Depending on where one stands in
experiencing the world, violence against women can be considered an issue of interpersonal
conflict or an issue of societal oppression. Each perspective provides a place from which to
examine the issue of violence against women.
Literature on violence is prolific, so it is helpful to recognize that the issue ofviolence has
many intra-personal configurations: men against men, women against children, men against
children, children against children, women against women and men against women. While each of
these dimensions is of significance to the field of social science, this paper will specifically
address men' s violence against women who are their partners. Men' s violence against women has
not only the highest reported numerical incidence, with one in three British Columbia women
being assaulted by her husband or partner (Statistics Canada, 1993), but this problem has an
added dimension often overlooked in the mainstream discussion of the issue. As with most forms
of violence, violence against women is primarily one of oppression (Smith, 1979, Russell and
Cory, 1996) and is essentially a gender issue which is deeply rooted in society's patriarchal values
and beliefs.
Violence against women has not decreased despite our hard work to find effective
solutions for addressing this issue. However, one of the most critical aspects of violence against
women is our society' s tendency towards naive acceptance of solutions for addressing this crime.
Men' s treatment groups for violence are one solution that we have accepted as a primary answer

Still walking on egg shells

10

to ending violence against women. Yet we know that in working with men who batter we are
only reaching a very small percentage of these men. At least one million Canadian women are
beaten each year (MacLeod, 1987). There are an estimated 150 programs across Canada. Most
programs take in approximately 180 men per year and drop-out rates in most programs are large
(Dufresne, 1995). The numbers do not seem to add up, but it is not simply the quantity of men
who complete treatment, but more importantly the quality of that treatment that effects continued
change. Still, we continue to use these groups to deal with the issue and, in examining the
solution of effectiveness of men's treatment groups, the perspective of women is often left out.
Violence against women is often disguised as family violence and this can be misleading.
It masks, for example, who is abusive and who is abused. In spite of this, many of the more
widely accepted researchers (Straus and Gelles 1986, Gelles and Maynard, 1987) continue to
frame the issue as family violence with multidimensional causes. Their labelling of the abuse issue
suggests joint responsibility between men and women. There is, however, concern that this view
allows researchers, clinicians, and policy makers to relegate this issue away from the public
domain and back to the private domain of the family. Such a construction allows individuals as
well as political, economic and religious structures to absolve themselves of the responsibility in
looking at societal constructs and power inequities as central to violence against women.
Because there is limited material focussing on the women' s experience of men' s treatment
groups, the literature search for my research was expanded to include research on the
effectiveness of group treatment as a means of preventing further violence from those men
toward women.
This review is organized to move from the larger issue of defining violence to the specific
area of the group treatment of violence against women, its effectiveness in changing abusive men

Still walking on egg shells

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and finally my focus on the experiences of their female partners. Hence, an attempt is made to
locate research that examines women' s and men's relationships after the man has completed
treatment. I start with locating the issue of violence in its societal context and naming the issue in
order to move toward a de-psychologized context. I finish the review with a grounding of the
issue in women's experience.

Naming the Problem
Though there is a presumed neutrality in language, language is a human construction. The
act of naming violence, of choosing whose language will define violence, is a political act.
Choosing neutral terms like family violence, domestic violence, spouse abuse, serves to minimize
and obscure the conscious nature of this criminal attack against women (Fine, 1993). It also
serves to distort and mislead the discourse away from the central issue of oppression. By naming
it woman abuse we contextualize the issue not as one of the family as the central unit of study
but the power relationship between men and women as the key area of analysis.
The definition of violence against women is broad and encompasses a wide array of
behaviors which describe acts of aggression and destruction. For the purpose of this literature
review, violence has been confined to violence between male and female partners irrespective of
their legal marital status. Deciding on the working definition, however, becomes harder because
definitions are conceptually confused and remain elusive. There is no unified definition ofwoman
abuse from a feminist perspective (Taylor, 1991) nor from a family violence perspective (Strauss
& Gelles, 1986).
Definitions of wife abuse, marital battering or violence against women range from
physical abuse definitions where the term 'woman abuse' describes more than marital abuse; it

Still walking on egg shells

12

includes physical attacks by a person with whom the victim has a relationship involving
cohabitation and sexual intimacy (Halsted, 1992), to the more multidimensional, gender and
power-oriented definition provided by Linda MacLeod:
A loss of dignity, control, and safety as well as the feeling of powerlessness and
entrapment experienced by women who are direct victims of ongoing or repeated
physical, psychological, economic, sexual and/or verbal violence or who are subjected to
persistent threats or the witnessing of such violence against their children, other relatives,
friends, pets, and/or cherished possessions by their boyfriends, live-in lovers, ex-husbands
or ex-lovers, whether male or female (MacLeod, 1989, p.16).
These terms are not, however, legal ones. They are sociological terms which limit or expand the
area being studied, depending on the choice of definition. One of the ways in which we
decontextualize the issue of violence against women is in the limiting of the definition to that of
physical violence only. Many researchers (Bograd, 1988: Browne, 1993, Brinkerhoff and Lupri,
1988; Dutton, 1988, Kennedy and Dutton, 1989; Smith, 1990) focus solely on the physical
abuse, conveying a message that these acts are worse than psychological abuse. Yet practitioners
know from listening to women that women disagree. For example, in studies done by Lenore
Walker (1979), women described incidents of psychological humiliation and verbal abuse as "
their worst abusive experiences" (DeKeseredy & Hinch, 1991, p.9), regardless ofwhether they
had been physically attacked. Some Canadian researchers formulate their.research based on both
physically violent and psychologically abusive behaviors (Lupri and Price, 1990), but many
Canadian women who are beaten are also economically and sexually victimized by their partners
(DeKeseredy & Hinch, 1991).
Considering the fact that many researchers attempt to limit and decontextualize woman
abuse, I disagree with Gelles & Cornell (1985), who believe that it is necessary to restrict
definitions to physical behaviors because "lumping all forms of malevolence and harm-doing

Still walking on egg shells

13

together may muddy the waters so much that it might be impossible to determine what causes
abuse"(p.23). How do we begin to define woman abuse in a context which incorporates the many
ways in which a woman is abused and victimized?
Another way in which we lose the full context of woman abuse is in defining threats of
violence as a less severe form of violence ( Edleson & Brygger, 1986; Straus and Gelles, 1986).
These narrow definitions, which address only the physical aspects of violence or which minimize
the quality of the experience by rating violence on an arbitrary continuum, support a piecemeal
approach to the issue and result in an unevenly developed definition which represents unevenly
developed responses toward violence against women.
Within this array of definitions two distinct perspectives are apparent. One is the view of

family violence as a part of a pattern of violence that occurs among all family members (Gelles
and Strauss, 1988). This perspective agrees that women' s subordinate position is a contributing
factor to the interplay of violence but it takes the position that this subordination is just one of
many causal factors. Included in this perspective are psychological and sociological definitions
which seek to understand wife abuse through examination of the individual characteristics of men
and women, or the social factors in the individual's environment. The other perspective is a

feminist approach which perceives gender as central to the issue and places inequality and
oppression at the center ofthe discussion (Bowker, 1983 ; Jones, 1994; Russell and Cory, 1996;
Thome -Finch, 1992; Yllo, 1988). Each of these approaches treats women differently and,
therefore, has different consequences for our understanding ofthe issue of violence against
women. Understanding these controversial perspectives is fundamental to understanding and
naming one' s orientation toward the issue ofviolence.
The feminist movement must be credited with establishing the concept of wife abuse in

Still walking on egg shells

14

our vocabulary (Schechter, 1982). It is feminists who are committed to social action
perspectives, who have enabled us to rename this phenomenon as one of woman abuse thus
identifying the issue as one that exists for all women regardless of their marital status. There is
growing concern that renaming it once again is covering the sexism that this movement worked
hard to uncover (Jones, 1994). Adopting genderless terminology like domestic violence and
victim blaming terms that focus on the woman like wife abusers will serve to placate the funding
sources, many of whom are men who control the finances. These terms allow the focus of
responsibility to be taken from the man and placed on the woman or the family. In using terms
that are directed towards women and by minimizing the role men play in the "social problem", we
are once again obscuring the central issue of oppression.

It is clear, however, that the definition of violence one choses either allows us to more
narrowly describe the oppressive behaviors of particular agents (in this case male partner's) or to
serve as a rich source of information that contributes to societal change.

The Societal Context ofViolence Against Women
Much of the literature written by family violence advocates gives only a cursory
acknowledgment of structural issues of violence against women. Aside from their contention that
violence in the family is fairly equally distributed among family members, this position isolates
three causes of violence in contemporary society: family structure, the family's acceptance of
violence as a means of resolving conflict and family socialization of children to be violent. (Kurz,
1993). Societal constructs are considered as an extension ofthe family dynamics, a move ofthe
private world into the public world. Interestingly, it is this very language, ' private and public',
which indicates the more positivistic views of family violence proponents. In a male-dominated

Still walking on egg shells

15

world where language itself reflects male experiences, the words ' public and private' may fail to
define or describe a woman' s experience. They may be incongruent with the naming of their
experiences because terms like ' private and public' "construct a distinction that obscures
women' s multiple crisscrossings of fluid and constantly shifting boundaries" (Devault, 1990,
p.97).
Family violence researchers such as Strauss and Gelles (1988) recommend societal policy
changes such as media controls, public awareness campaigns, reduction of violence provoking
stresses such as unemployment and poverty and encouraging extended family support networks.
However, while these seem positive at first glance, such policies focus on "particular forms of
violence (such as wife battering) and conceptualize them as problems faced by individual victims"
(Levan, 1996, p.319), and not as societal issues which require massive structural change.
In contrast, feminist researchers attempt to develop a theoretical concept of the systemic
causes ofviolence against women, "and the common links between its various forms" at the same
time as criticizing the "state' s tinkering approach" (Levan, 1996, p.319). However, large scale
social interventions on a structural level are not valued or supported by society. Instead, social
policy makers have teamed up with liberal feminists in rewriting the agenda to reflect a family
violence perspective. Evidence of this can be seen in such studies as Changing the Landscape
(Canadian Panel on Violence against Women, 1993), where state and liberal feminists were
happy to keep the issue of violence against woman outside the mainstream agenda.
The final report of Changing the Landscape, a document written to address and make
recommendations for policy and practice change regarding the issue of violence against women,
makes a clear statement that any plan to address the roots causes of violence would require major
policy initiatives. Because this redress would require challenging male privilege and patriarchal

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ideologies firmly entrenched in the Canadian government, it is likely that "future governments
will revert to addressing single issues and working within limited and familiar arenas such as the
criminal justice system" (Levan, 1996, p.350). There is a limited social mandate from policy
makers and funding agencies to assist men in ending the use of illegal violent and threatening
behaviors (Edleson, 1995).
In seeking to explicate the politics of gender, power and violence inherent in battering, an
understanding is needed of the institutional structures that sustain violence against women as well
as the goals of these institutional structures in addressing violence. Within the literature we see
the stated goals of government, men's programs and researchers as being the achievement of
'safety' for women. "Intervention programs for men who batter are foremost committed to the
safety of battered women and children, and, therefore, structure each component of their work so
as not to jeopardize the wives/partners and children of those in intervention programs" (Hart,
1992, p. 1). In spite of this, the definition of safety for women is not generally defined or
explored. Defining 'successful treatment' becomes an arbitrary task, dependant on both society
and the treatment provider' s perceptions of safety.
The next section of this review will examine the abusive men's treatment programs, their
typologies, evaluation studies and assessments of effectiveness.
ABUSIVE MEN'S GROUP TREATMENT EVALUATIONS
A number of treatment approaches have been described in the literature and, although
most agree on the use of groups as the medium for treatment, there is limited agreement on the
philosophy or treatment goals.
Gondolf ( 1987) describes three major program types based on differences in affiliations,
formats and orientation. This includes counselling under the auspices of mental health and family

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services, adjuncts to women's shelters and self-help organizations or men's anti-sexism
collectives. There is a significant increase in programs centered around a clinical and professional
orientation, focussing on family violence and a cognitive-behavioral approach which operates
from a belief in men' s skill deficit (Gondolf, 1987). Practitioners have overwhelmingly preferred
cognitive-behavioral treatment approaches when intervening with men who batter (Eisikivits &
Edleson, 1989). For example, of sixteen well-known programs evaluated by Bums, Meredith &
Paquette (1991), twelve programs were described as cognitive behavioral approaches.
These programs do not stray far from their roots in psychology. In 1978, Ganley
developed the first of these programs. She advanced a social learning orientation which focussed
on improving conflict resolution skills and other adjunctive skills such as communication,
assertiveness and anger management (Dutton, 1995). These programs continue to psychologize
men's abusive behaviors and favor skill acquisition as the main method of treatment (Dutton,
1995). Anger management, stress reduction and communication skills are a few ofthe areas
covered. "This [skill] deficit model, however, fails to explain the situational aspect of abuse"
(Russell and Cory, 1996, p.7). Research demonstrates that abusive men had no specific problems
in anger or stress management, nor were they deficient in conflict resolution skills other than with
their woman partners (Russell and Cory, 1996).
An important result of these skill deficit programs is their danger in creating a reduction
of physical abuse and an increase in psychological battering. " Indeed, programs that have
focussed on anger control or anger management, communication skills, or self-esteem have many
times aided the batterer in becoming a more successful psychological batterer" (Tiffi, 1993,
p.82). One explanation for this change in the pattern of battering is put forth by the batterers
themselves, "As some batterers have stated, that they are willing to abstain from the use of

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violence as long as they can continue to manipulate and control their partners through threats"
(Edleson & Brygger, 1986, p. 381). The implications for this are that we may in fact be
facilitating a re-formulation of men' s violence from the physical realm, which is sanctioned
against in law, to the psychological realm which is beyond the law. These programs then allow
the offender refuge from culpability and from criminal sanction and do not necessarily provide
safety for women.
Such programs fail to address the hierarchical social arrangement of the family which,
itself, reflects a structural arrangement that reinforces the continuation of violence against
women. "Teaching abusive men how to relax and communicate more without challenging the
underlying misogyny provide abusive men with more subtle and effective tactics of control"
(Holmes and Lundy, 1990, p.13). It is these approaches that focus mainly on the psychological
changes for men, that often create problems for women. By dealing with these issues on an
individualistic level, sexist attitudes and behaviors are not challenged. This leaves them as socially
sanctioned and, therefore, reproduced.
A second approach assumes that men are themselves victims or witnesses of abuse in
childhood and in need of psychological healing and self-concept building. This model, termed by
Adams (1988) as the 'insight model', holds intra-psychic problems in men as its central premise.
Men are attributed with problematic behaviors such as poor impulse control, fear of intimacy,
dependency and fear of abandonment or underlying depression as the problems. The abusive man
is viewed as fragile, tormented, confused and in need of support (Jenkins, 1992) This approach
risks transforming the man into a victim and absolving him of the responsibility for his actions
(Holmes & Lundy, 1990). There is also a danger that group leaders who facilitate or escalate this
approach face possible collusion with the ' victim' and are then unable to confront the men as

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accountable for their behavior (Holmes and Lundy, 1990).
One of the most common approaches is to combine cognitive behavioral and insight
approaches. Using developmental factors, socialization and skill acquisition, this type of program
attempts to address the man's violence from both an awareness and skill deficit perspective
(Sakai, 1991 ). In addition, some programs will attempt to add a power and control perspective
which focuses on men's attitude in justifying the abuse and a range of abusive controlling
behaviors which attempts to targets change at all levels (Pence and Paymar, 1993). Some
programs have adapted the latter model to be completed in a shorter time than the original
program advised. Demand for space in groups from court referrals and limited funds from
government have resulted in twelve or sixteen week groups totalling a maximum of fourty eight
hours, that attempt to address second order change in a very finite time period, often with
conflicting results. Though a rigorous study of alternative treatments found that there were no
gains associated with longer treatment (Edleson, 1990), programs of short duration on the other
hand, have been criticized as too limited and not intense enough (Hurrell, 1991; Gondolf, 1984).
The difficulty in combining all three approaches is that the mix of goals is, perhaps, in opposition
to the priority of treatment which is the safety of women. And no matter which the current
choice of treatment philosophy, we have not seen a significant reduction in reported assaults over
the twenty-year period that men's treatment groups have been in existence (Levan, 1996).
A small number ofnewer programs look exclusively at changing men's belief systems
regarding women's roles (Holmes and Lundy, 1990; Russell & Cory, 1996). These programs
attempt to change attitudes towards women by confronting traditional male socialization. This
approach focuses the issue of violence on the patriarchal society which allows men to control and
dominate women. Unlike the Duluth model, which focuses mainly on the individual man's need

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for power and control, this program expands the discussion to include societal socialization and
ideologies which support the individual's beliefs and behaviors. The program confronts,
challenges and alters belief systems on a structural and individual level. Using "women-centered
challenging questions" to alter belief systems, the goal of this type of program is to secure the
well being of women and not necessarily the psychological remedy for men (Russell & Cory,
1996). A possible dilemma in separating these two goals is that men will not give up their power
if there are no apparent advantages to doing so.
Evaluation studies of groups based on any of these philosophies vary in terms of reported
success. In ' cognitive-behavioral' and 'insight' models, success was generally defined as the
decrease in physical abuse as reported by the abusive man and his therapist and, in some cases, in
consultation with the abused women (Gondolf, 1987). These were mainly measured by
quantitative means such as the Control Tactics Scale (CTS) (Straus, 1979), The Psychological
Maltreatment ofWomen Inventory (PMWI) (Tolman, 1987) and the Generalized Contentment
Scale (GCS) (Hudson & Mcintosh, 1981). Use ofthese clinical scales has been criticized for
measuring only a "narrow band of perpetrator behavior to the exclusion of the effects that such
'tactics' have on victimized women and children" (Edleson, 1995, p.2). Hence, women' s
definition of safety is not addressed.
An examination ofbatterer' s programs by Jeffrey Edleson (1995) questions the criteria by

which these evaluations have been determined successful. He has found that the majority of
programs using statistical significance change as a criteria are not only problematic but that "as a
criterion of success .... .it may have little practical significance"(p.1). It is this concept of 'practical
significance' that is becoming an alternative measure for practitioners intervening with batterers.
The term ' practical significance' relates to the concept of whether indeed batterer' s programs

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have any positive day-to-day impact for the woman in the relationship. Researchers are beginning
to address both the complete cessation of actual violent behavior as well as cessation of the

threat of violence. Where most program evaluators have centered on measurement of the degree
to which men' s programs eliminate violent behaviors, a limited number have attempted to
address the range of direct and indirect threats of violence as well (Edleson &Sayers, 1990, 1991;
Tolman & Boshley, 1989).
Evaluations of feminist-based programs are more difficult to locate but they do attempt to
evaluate attitudinal changes and have less focus on psychological outcomes (Russell & Cory,
1995). Success of treatment becomes defined less in terms of cessation of physical abuse and
begins to examine the qualitative variables of women' s self-reports of overall change. This
approach begins to address women's safety. Unlike programs that determine safety based on the
reduction of physical incidents, feminist based programs generally address the violence from a
change in beliefs about the subordination of women.
Comparisons between feminist prograsm and cognitive-behavioral programs are helpful in
revealing the value of each orientation. A recent report by Russell ( 1995) examined one such
study comparing the Confronting Abusive Beliefs (CAB) program and an Anger Management

(AM) treatment for Assaultive Males. Results found the CAB program as effective as the
contrasting AM program in "bringing about reductions in physical violence, psychological
violence and men' s depression levels" (p.9). The interesting difference was that the CAB
completers reported less use of argument to support their own point of view whereas the AM
groups reported an increase in the use of argument, a form of communication often utilized in
psychological abuse.
Though these finding are preliminary and require replicative studies and different

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standardized measures (Russell, 1995), they were supported by reports of the female partners.
Russell recommends the "greater use of qualitative measures to assess the impact of various
assaultive men's treatment programs on female partners"(p.5). Such measures would provide a
first hand accounting of the day-to-day lived experience of these women and allow for a greater
understanding of the outcomes oftreatment.
A majority of the quantitative evaluation studies had important methodological
limitations. They included: "Short follow up periods, inadequate control groups, absence of
corroborative data (e.g., from spouses) small sample sizes and reliance on official records (eg.,
police records, court appearances) as measures of recidivism" ( Bell, Browning and Hamilton,
1992). Of particular interest for my study is the obvious lack of descriptive, corroborative data by
female partners. The voice of female partners appear to be silenced in much of this research.
Statistical evidence can be found to both support decreased abusive behavior post
treatment (Deschner, 1986; Dutton, 1986; Halpern, 1984; Waldo 1988) and to suggest no
decrease in abusive behaviors after attending treatment (Rosenfeld, 1992; Lindquist & Taylor,
1983; Harrell, 1991). The point of this review is not to prove the truth of either of these
positions. Instead, the purpose is to point out that contrary findings exist and that perhaps taking
a closer look at one variable will add to the discourse in the continuing discussion around woman
abuse and the effectiveness of men's treatment groups in providing for women's safety. An early
review of the treatment literature indicated that "evaluations of treatment effects based on
empirical outcome studies have yielded diverse results" (Russell, 1988). A later, thorough review
of treatment programs for men was conducted by Bums and her associates (1991). Their findings
reported a number of recurring themes throughout the literature which concerned methodological
challenges (Bums, Meredith & Paquette, 1991). These included attrition in treatment groups,

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lack of comparison group, breadth of measures, length of follow-up, follow-up response rate,
access to victims, victim corroboration and the use of police data. Despite these contradictory or
questionable results, treatment for abusive men has not significantly altered. One explanation for
lack of change in treatment is that program provider's and policy maker's ideological convictions
remain in support ofthe family violence perspective in viewing woman abuse (Russell, 1988).
This restrained perspective contrasts with the more structural view that addresses the connection
between the psychological and political. It is this structural perspective that provides a full
understanding of the ways that political hierarchical structures shape men's behavior and
attitudes towards women (Adams, 1989). This next section addresses specifically the issue of
women's safety and how this is measured in evaluations.

Defining Women's Safety
One question which prompted this literature review was how safety for women is
defined. This term is used widely in all research on violence, yet the definition is vague. Whether
it is limited to physical safety of life and limb or assumed to be a widely held, generally
acknowledged term with global meaning, evaluations and reviews of evaluations of abusive
men's treatment groups fail to define safety. For example, studies that indicate a reduction of
physical violence also indicate that a decrease in physical abuse did not always lead to an increase
in emotional quality for the women (Gray, 1994). It is this emotional quality for women that the
literature neglects to address. As well, a measurement of success in achieving safety, as both
defined and measured by the abused women, is noticeably absent in the literature as "victims do
not feature strongly in the literature on men's programmes."(Gray, 1994, p.37).
In determining women's safety, evaluations that measure women's responses do so

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quantitatively (Hurrell, 1991) and conservatively (Edleson & Grunsznski, 1988) as men typically
report fewer incidents of violence than women report.
Quantitative studies, measuring reductions of incidents of physical violence do not
provide a full picture ofwomen' s experience of remaining in the abusive relationship after the
abuser has received treatment. The empirical, scientific approach which measures quantitative
variables can restrict the parameters and lead to loss of "both the fabric of individual experiences
and the context in which those experiences occur; preventing us from benefiting from the depth
and quality of understanding that would not otherwise be possible through questionnaires and
statistics alone" (Shaw, 1991, p.78). Even those attempts by researchers, who state that they
utilize a feminist anti-patriarchal position with regards to abuse of women, often fail to see the
patriarchal and androcentric bias that their research methods embody (Yllo, 1988). "Most
[quantitative] research published in academic and professional journals is patriarchal and
androcentric" (Davis & Srinivasan, 1995, p.50).
Many researchers are questioning the feasibility of men's treatment groups. "Ending
violence and some threats is insufficient to create true safety for women. Other forms of
manipulation often replace violence and maintain the same system of power and control by the
man over his woman partner" (Edleson, 1995, p.2 ). MacLeod (1987) notes some positive results
of men's treatment groups but also remarks that victims have reported increases in psychological,
verbal and economic abuse when the physical abuse decreases. Harrell evaluated three court
ordered treatment programs against non-court ordered treatment and found, "overall, the results
do not suggest that participation in these treatment programs resulted in increases in the
perceived or actual safety of the victims"(Harrell, 1991 , p.93)
A more recent attempt to evaluate two treatment projects was undertaken by the B.C.

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Institute on Family Violence. This two-year project evaluated whether treatment was effective in
reducing assaultive behavior and whether personality characteristics of abusers could be used to
predict a successful group candidate. The study found that group completers did better than men
in other abuse groups and that three personality characteristics-- Borderline, Avoidant and Antisocial personality disorders, marked men as less treatable. (Bodnarchuk, Kropp, Ogloff, Hart &
Dutton, 1995). Hilton (1994) discussed similar predictors, looking at assaulter types and the need
to match arrest and treatment to the type or level of commitment to change of each assaulter. If
greater change occurs when the abuser is a type that is motivated, then perhaps court ordered
groups, where men are ordered to attend and are resistant to this forced involvement, are less
effective. The most remarkable aspect ofBodnarchuk et al study, however, was the choice of
title: "Predicting Cessation oflntimate Assaultiveness after Group Treatment". lfthe act of
naming is political, then what is said in the choice and use of the term 'intimate assaultiveness '.
How can assault be intimate? Does this mean that the relationship is intimate, a term usually
defined as " suggesting informal warmth or privacy; a very personal or private nature" (Merriam
Webster Dictionary, 1993). It suggests that the act of assault is intimate, in which case we are
once again relegating the violence of men to the inner reaches ofthe ' private' family. Assault
defined as an intimate act minimizes, denies and destroys the inherent violence and power of this
experience. The terms are contradictory and opposing.
In summary, the method by which a researcher defines the term ' success' in relation to
batterer' s programs will determine the perception of effectiveness. If success is measured in
quantifiable terms then a statistically significant degree of violence reduction could be termed
success and safety for women will be assumed. However, "while programs struggle to identify
key factors that contribute to positive treatment outcomes, the definitions of success are

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inconsistent across studies" (Bums, Meredith and Paquette, 1991, pp.56). If instead, success is
measured by the quality of well-being and safety in a women's experience then few studies
address how one could evaluate based on this criteria (Russell, 1995).

Abused Women's Perspective
Women experience a diverse consciousness concerning issues of gender, power and
violence. A psychologist, Carol Gilligan (1982), who was studying moral conflict and choice,
found that women make ethical distinctions that are different from men. She concluded that
women seem to reason differently and were more concerned with real human relationships and
connectedness. Yet most research follows traditional paradigms that have been "shaped by the
concerns and relevances of a relatively small group of powerful men" (Devault, 1990, p.97).
Research about abused women has mainly come from a male consciousness, failing to " ...write
women and their diverse experiences into both the discipline ofresearch" (Devault, 1990, p.97)
and specifically, into the area of violence.
The separate body of literature on abused women does not necessarily address the
divergence ofwomen' s knowing from that ofmen. If, as Taylor (1991) states, "a woman's
identity is formed in relation to others, in contrast to a man' s identity, which is developed in
relation to the external world "(p.210), then it perhaps follows that a woman's relationship to
others has different dimensions and meanings than does that of a man. Most earlier research
approached this area from a clinical or positivistic academic perspective defining characteristics
such as learned helplessness (Walker, 1979). Researchers appeared once again to psychologize
women. Later, women were further victimized and labelled in discussions of the 'Battered
Women's Syndrome' (Walker, 1984). Recent discussions described the women's risk factors for

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abuse (Stark and Flitcraft, 1996). Other researchers explored the reason why women stay and
looked at empowering principles to move the individual and groups of women towards freedom
from oppression (Goldberg Wood & Middleman, 1992; Gutierrez, 1990; Gutierrez et al, 1995).
As we begin to move from a psychological or sociological perspective towards a feminist
view ofwoman abuse (Kirkwood, 1993), some of the literature quotes women's stories within
the context of their contributions (Price, 1992), but few speak from the women's lived
experience in a way that centers the issue in the experience of the woman who has been abused.
Instead the knowledge we have gained leaves us with a "euphemistic abstraction that keeps us at
a dispassionate distance, far removed from the repugnant spectacle of human beings in pain"
(Jones, 1994, p. 81). It is this distance that limits our knowledge about the outcomes for women
victims who follow these societal prescriptions and stay with their partner's after treatment
intervention (Browne, 1993). One such study, conducted by Jane Wolf-Smith and Ralph LaRossa
(1992), interviewed 50 women for the interactional dynamics following battering incidents, but
like many studies they were actually studying accounts or aligning actions (ie. apologies, excuses,
etc.) of the abusive men. This study was not studying women's lived experience, in their own
words, but rather women's accounts of men's behaviors to support their research questions.

Earlier feminist research attempted to advance a clearer understanding of battered
women's experiences. One study, conducted by the Women's Research Center and Vancouver
Transition House (November, 1980), researched battered women's experience by interviewing
battered women themselves. Their intent was to not only inform through a "reflection and
analysis of the accounts, concerns and the needs of the [transition house] residents", but also to
"work for changes that are necessary in legislation, policies and programs"(p.125). When
literature about battered women's experience is made available its source is questioned. "The

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current work in this area is still primarily written by activists and practitioners. As a result, it is
descriptive and its outcomes are mainly impressionistic" (Davis & Srinivasa, 1995, p.SO). This
statement infers that the literature is somehow substandard or, not being positivistic, its validity
and reliability are in question. In contrast, many researchers in the field agree that those women
with whom the batterer was partnered when he entered treatment and those with whom he is in
an intimate relationship at the time of follow up are the most reliable sources of information on
the use or elimination ofviolence. (Eisikovits and Edleson, 1989; Gondolf, 1987; Saunders,
1988; Shepard, 1987; Tolman, 1987).
The literature supported my intention of researching women's lived experience of staying
after their abusive partner has completed group treatment. Having established this support, this
examination moves to the next chapter outlining my methodology, the research method,
information collection and analysis.

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CHAPTER TWO
Exploring Feminist Oriented Descriptive Phenomenology
Introduction
There are few studies examining the experience of women who stay in the relationship
after their partners have completed group treatment. Most studies involving these women are
quantitative in design, etic in perspective (researched from the perspective of a distant observer)
and fail to directly address the lived experience. After examining various methods, I chose a
method which discouraged reductionism (Spiegelberg, 1982) and encouraged the explication of
women' s immediate experience. I also thought that focussing on a feminist research approach
was an important part of maintaining the integrity of my social work practice because feminist
research is concerned with creating social change (Reinharz. 1992). Thus, I have chosen to
conduct my research through a feminist-oriented phenomenological approach.
While, a number of qualitative designs were available to me, including participatory
action research (participant focussed empowerment process), grounded theory (observes
interprets and develops theory), and phenomenology (uncovers and describes the essence of the
lived experience), I chose to use a descriptive phenomenological inquiry (Bergum, 1991 ; van
Manen, 1990) coupled with a feminist oriented research perspective (Stanley & Wise, 1990) as
this provided me with an opportunity to understand the essence ofwomen's lives from their
perspective. Specifically, the qualitative notion of ' verstehen' "places emphasis on the human
capacity to know and understand others through sympathetic introspection and reflection from
detailed descriptions and observations" (Patton, 1980, p.45), a process in research that suits my
professional social work background.

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Descriptive phenomenology
Phenomenology is the study of lived experience, essences, humanness and thoughtfulness
(van Manen, 1990). It is the study of the world as we immediately live in it. Using a
phenomenological approach, I seek to reach a deeper understanding of the day-to-day
experiences of women whose partners have completed an abuse group treatment, by asking what
the experience of living with a 'treated' partner is like. It does not attempt to provide theories
with which we can control or explain the world; instead it describes experiences which provide
possible insights that bring us into immediate and direct contact with the world. It seeks the very
nature of the phenomenon with the intent ofbetter understanding what makes something what it
is. The concern is not primarily whether something occurred or not, or how an occurrence relates
to other conditions, the concern is how to better understand what this particular experience is
like and to transform the lived experience "into a textual expression of its essence" (van Manen,
1990, p.36).
Van Manen ( 1982) describes four procedural activities characteristic of phenomenology.
First, phenomenology is descriptive and not a science of empirical facts that produces empirical
generalizations. Instead, by turning to the nature of lived experience, we move from a naive
description to a deep questioning of the way in which the world is experienced. This precludes
theorizing, categorizing and conceptualizing. It provides an opportunity to directly contact the
real world experience, investigate our world as we live it and relearn to look at the world by
"reawakening the basic experience of the world" (van Manen, 1982. p.40).This involves
investigating experience as we live it, not as we conceptualize it (van Manen, 1990).
The second characteristic of phenomenological research is "reduction". Often our
' common sense' assumptions and presuppositions require us to begin interpreting the

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phenomenon before we have asked the phenomenological question. To suspend these beliefs we
engage in a process of 'bracketing', whereby the data is examined without the benefit of our own
prejudices, theories or judgments (Patton, 1990).This 'reduction' ofthe information to be
bracketed and set aside is an important step in producing an unbiased approach to the meaning of
the experience. Beck ( 1992) suggests that "this process, called bracketing, involves peeling away
the layers of interpretation so the phenomenon can be seen as they are, not as they are seen
through preconceptions. Bracketing does not eliminate perspective. It brings the experience into
clearer focus" (p.167). This unbiased process is important as it allows the "subject matter to be
confronted, as much as possible, on its own terms" (Patton, 1990, p.408).
The third characteristic defines our ability to orient ourselves to the phenomenon. This
activity is the study of essence whereby some - 'thing' is clarified so that the structure of a lived
experience is made visible in a way that we are now able to understand both the nature and the
significance of an experience that had previously been unknown. The search for essence "asks for
the very nature of a phenomena, for that which makes a some- 'thing' what it is" (van Manen,
1990, p.10).
The final characteristic is the formulation of the phenomenological question. Van Manen
(1990) argues, "To do phenomenologial research is to question something phenomenologially
and also, to be addressed by the question of what something is 'really' like" (p.42). It is the
ability to open up and remain open to other possibilities and not dismiss those possibilities as we
"live this question and we become this question"(van Manen, 190, p.98). We are directed back
from the theory to the reality of lived experience. Using this method we ask the basic question of
what it is like to have a certain experience.
In examining the lived experience of abused women who have stayed with their partners

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after treatment, I am attempting .to better understand the experience of 'increased safety' that
treatment groups attest to provide for these women (Hart, 1992; Hamberger & Barnett, 1995).
Researching the meaning structures of these women' s lived experiences helps me to understand
what it means to be an abused women whose partner is supposedly 'treated', and also to
understand the dangers, dilemmas and compromises which come to restrict and define the nature
ofbeing his partner. This search for humanness is concerned with the ways a women can possibly
experience the world after her partner is ' treated'.
This approach is not interested in whether or not the reports ofwomen's experience is an
unquestionable account of their individual experience at the time, instead what matters is that
their experience presented them with a phenomenon (Spiegelberg, 1982) and they can best
describe what that experience is.

Feminist Research
As in phenomenology, in feminist research women are relied on to be the experts of their
own experience. Feminist research seeks information about the construction of knowledge and
because knowledge can be constructed in many ways, experience is often ignored. I am
attempting to account for knowledge based on women' s experience (Reinharz, 1992).
Feminist research methodologies vary widely. As Reinharz (1992) states " ... feminists
have used all existing methods and have invented some new ones as well. Instead of orthodoxy,
feminist research practices must be recognized as a plurality"( p.4). Therefore, feminist
researchers use a range of methods. Instead of a set formula for procedures, they utilize many
approaches, among them, phenomenological interviewing.
I believe, as Kelly ( 1988) so aptly states, that " feminist research is more than research

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about women's position in society. It is research that is based on the theoretical premise that
women are oppressed"(p.ll7). Thus, feminist research explores violence against women not as
an individual problem but as a social problem. A feminist analysis of men's violence against
women becomes a social analysis. It reinforces the idea of moving violence from the perspective
of an individual issue to an analysis of structures and belief systems within those structures,
which support the maintenance of women abuse. Research then becomes action oriented and a
means of changing this oppression.
Having worked with abused women, I also believe that it is only in listening to their
voices that we will truly be able to address the issue of violence against them in realistic and
practical ways. If one accepts that knowledge is socially constructed, it becomes a requirement
that women themselves define and describe their experiences of what treatment outcomes of
abusive men's groups actually are. Studies that quantitatively evaluate or assess the incidence of
post-group violence, fail to acknowledge that hearing women's voices in context is essential to
the 'knowing' of their lived experience, post treatment group. Studies such as those ofDutton
(1986) and Edleson (1995) which address the female partner's opinion, do not begin to describe
the reality of these women. Unlike some research approaches, as a feminist-oriented researcher,
my position becomes privileged if I analyse or draw conclusions from the context of these
women's reality. My understanding of the experience should not subsume that of the
participant's. Ifi present my interpretation of the phenomenon in isolation, then I have exercised
a researcher privilege that dominates the actual events. My description and analysis then becomes
the knowledge upon which future decisions regarding violence may be based rather than upon the
knowledge of these women.
What makes research 'feminist' is not the methodology. It is the framework within which

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the methods are located and it is the particular ways in which the methods are positioned and
utilized (Kelly, Burton and Regan, 1994). Important to my research are four key aspects of
feminist research as defined by Kelly, Burton and Regan. First, it is research on and with women.
This apparently exclusionary statement is intended to ensure that feminist research remains a tool
for understanding and changing women' s oppression through the reality of women themselves.
By creating knowledge about their experiences, we can then tum our attention to the ways
oppression is structured and reproduced, always from a gendered lens.
The second key factor is that feminist research usually uses qualitative methods (Kelly et
al, 1994). There are a number of assumptions underlying this statement however: that women
want to share their experiences with other women; that this sharing between women will result in
a more understanding and compassionate process when painful or difficult areas are studied and
that there is a personal benefit to this process. I have chosen qualitative research in an attempt to
reach this goal. However, it should be noted that a good deal of research on violence relies on
quantitative methods which provide a rich source of information to inform this issue (Reinharz,
1992).
The third key aspect states that feminist research should be empowering for participants.
The central issue here is the definition of ' empowering' and the sometimes simplistic
interpretation of this conceptually confused subject. The definition of empowerment that I use in
my research is both a theory and a practice which considers the issues of power, powerlessness
and oppression. It addresses all areas of power; individual, family, community and society. This is
an ideal albeit elusive goal for any feminist research.
The final aspect of feminist research which has an impact on my feminist approach is that
it be directed toward social change. While this is ultimately a desired goal there is little clarity in

Still walking on egg shells

35

the literature (Kelly et al, 1994) around how a researcher might achieve it. However, my research
is intended to be of use in the struggle for eliminating women's oppression, since any information
that adds to the depth of understanding of this oppression is, by definition, directed towards
social change.

Methods
A number of qualitative designs could have been used to research women's experience of
staying after their partner's 'treatment' . Dey (1993) points out no less than forty-five different
approaches to qualitative research but cautions that the method chosen depends entirely on the
data to be analysed and the purposes and preferences ofindividual researcher (Dey, 1993). I
have chosen to use a descriptive phenomenological, feminist-oriented approach to research the
day-to-day lived experiences of women who stay with their partners after these men have
completed treatment, because the characteristic face-to-face interview style of feminist research
coupled with the similar approach and data analysis options of phenomenology suited my
purpose. My purpose was to have women's voices heard in a manner that not only validated their
experience, but also described that experience directly from their immediate world.

Participants
My choice of the term participant instead of sample was used to provide consistency in
my choice of methodology. To describe the essence of the experience of the interview, the term
participant provides an embodied concept where each women is regarded as the 'expert' ofher
own expenence.
In speaking only to abused women, I was working with the knowledge that

, . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . , - - - - ---

-

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36

phenomenological researchers borrow other people's lived experience to gain access to the
nature of the experience (van Manen, 1990; Giorgi, 1985). To effectively explore and gain useful
insight into the lived experience of women whose partners had completed an abuse treatment
group, I selected participants who had this history. Purposeful selection is used as a strategy
when a researcher wishes to learn something and reach an understanding about select cases
without the need to generalize that information to all such cases.
Phenomenological research can be conducted with as small a number as one participant
(van Manen, 1990 and Giorgi, 1985). This suggests that the experiences of the participant need
not be dismissed as peculiar to these women alone. In this project, with three different agencies
providing names, the 'geographical' variation could present confidence in the patterns that
emerged as somewhat representative ofthe category 'abused women' (Patton, 1980).
While studying one or a few critical cases does not technically permit broad
generalizations to all possible cases, logical generalizations can often be made from the
weight of evidence produced in studying a single critical case (Patton, 1980, p.103).
Though one participant is able to give insight, it is generally believed that more participants will
provide greater insight into the general structure of the experience; nonetheless, a saturation
point can be reached. This occurs when added information does not reveal new understanding
about relations or abstractions (Kirby & McKenna, 1989). For the purpose of this research, I had
designated a minimum offive interviews, with more to be conducted if necessary. However, I
found after the fifth interview that the same themes were emerging consistently.

Still walking on egg shells

37

Procedure
Recruitment Process:
Upon receipt of ethics approval, received early in 1997 from the Faculty of Graduate
Research and Graduate Studies, University ofNorthern British Columbia, I proceeded to contact
the agencies that were assisting in recruitment. Those that agreed to assist were the Attorney
General's Office of the Province ofBritish Columbia, as well as two Victim's Services agencies. I
discussed the research inquiry and sent a letter of explanation. The introduction letter (Appendix
A) was also made available to three key workers from these agencies who were to assist me.
Women were contacted by these agencies and invited to participate. In some cases, if the worker
determined it appropriate, I contacted the women myself
Participant protection was foremost in my mind throughout the research process. While
standard safeguards, such as pseudonyms and confidential taping procedures were used
throughout the study, I employed sensitivity to safety and security issues when contacting the
women in their homes. The danger of putting women at risk was my underlying concern. Whilst
studies such as Dutton (1986) and Tolman and Bhosley (1991) indicate that there may be a
slightly lower risk of violence or danger from men who had completed treatment, all decisions
about participant contact and interview locations were made weighing potential risk to the
women contacted.
The potential for retaliatory violence was described by some potential participants as the
reason why they could not be involved in my study. Despite the fact that their partners had
completed a treatment group, these women did not feel safe enough to risk talking to me about
their daily lives. This fear, obviously intense, was a phenomenon in itself It told me that their
lives did not appear safer and that there was a possibility that their partners continued to control

---

~

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38

them with fear of reprisal. This could not be established however without interviewing these
women. One woman was interested in speaking to me further but asked me to call back. When I
called back I was to state that I was a friend of hers so that her husband would be unaware of her
involvement with me and her discussion of his abuse.
I developed a set criteria, established to clearly delineated the participants'
appropriateness for the study. Participants were required to meet the following criteria to be
involved in this study:

+
+
+
+
+
+

+

They are abused women who are still residing with their partner or
They are no longer with their partners but did reside with them for a period of
time, post-group.
Their partner has completed a treatment program.
The treatment program could have been court-ordered or voluntary.
They reside in Prince George or within a reasonable driving distance (up to two
hours) from Prince George.
They are willing to participate in one to two in-depth taped interviews in person
or by phone if safety was an issue.
They are receptive to utilizing a support service post interview should they be in
need of emotional support. Local support agencies were made aware of my study.

I interviewed one participant over the phone as her safety concerns were high. Her
partner was not home. She talked at length and was very interested in speaking with me further
except that she did not feel safe to do so if her partner was home or if there was a chance he

would find out about her speaking to me. This information was significant for it alerted me to the
possibility that there was a group of women who could have made a contribution to our
understanding of post group experiences.

to cover, confidentiality, their right to withdraw at any time and the benefit and risks to
participating. A meeting time was arranged to take place in my professional office in the
downtown area ofPrince George. This afforded these women anonymity and safety to speak.

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39

The interview sessions lasted from one to two hours. The interviews were audio taped on a
specialized high frequency tape machine made available by the Regional Coroner' s Office in
order that tapes could only be heard on one device and no other audio machine. This ensured a
high degree of security around the information on the tapes. During transcription of these
interviews, all identifying information was removed. The quantity of data produced totalled one
hundred and seventeen pages of qualitatively rich data.

Participant Characteristics
Response to my phone contact was mixed. Of sixteen possible candidates, six could not
be contacted in a confidential manner (without letting their partner know I was calling), five
women refused to be involved and five women responded positively. One woman was unable to
attend an interview during the interviewing period but did speak to me at length on the phone.
These women were in their late twenties to late forties and had lived or were still living with their
partner after the abuse treatment program. One women was living on income assistance, three
were employed outside of the home and one women owned her own business. One participant
was First Nations descent, one women was East Indian, born in India, and three were Caucasian.

One participant had a childhood history of living on income assistance, another was from a
middle class background. The other three did not volunteer this information. These women came
from diverse walks of life and cultures. What they had in common was that they were all abused
women and working mothers with children to support on relatively low incomes. Four of the
women were still currently living with their abusive partners and one was with a new partner but
had lived with her ex-partner for a period of time after his treatment group.

Still walking on egg shells

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Interviews
While quantitative methods have been the norm for exploring the effectiveness of men's
treatment groups (Bodnarchuk et al, 1995; Poynter, 1989; Harrell, 1991), I believe that
qualitative methods provide the most practical data for this study. In-depth, face-to-face
interview methods, in particular, "provide us with a route through which inter-subjectivity and
non-hierarchical relationships between women researchers and women participants can be
developed"(Kelly, Burton & Regan, 1994). It is through these forms of relationships that I felt I
could best uncover the essence of the experience of safety. In-depth, face to face interviews have
become the embodiment of the feminist method because "[It] explores people's view's of reality"
(Reinharz, 1992, p.18).
For centuries men have spoken for women, interpreting and rethinking their experiences.
Phenomenological interviewing gives access to women' s memories, feelings and thoughts in such
a way as to validate their reality, not that of the researcher. This descriptive approach allows me
to more fully explore a women' s lived experience. This method is also consistent with my interest
in encouraging the development of a connectedness that creates a more equitable relationship. In
tum this avoids replicating the power-based relationship ofwomen' s oppression.
Feminists who utilize intensive interviewing methods have labelled their interviews
phenomenological (Sandelowski & Pollock, 1986; Webb, 1984). These researchers describe
elements of the research process that characterize their search for women's reality. These
include, "careful listening [which] allows the interviewer to introduce new question as the
interview proceeds" (Reinharz, 1992 p.21). Reinharz (1990) also states that restraint and
listening are stated to be valuable tools in maintaing an interviewee-oriented study, a process
essential to following the threads of a women' s lived experience. Open-ended questions are

Still walking on egg shells

41

introduced to facilitate the collection and exploration of the experience. Though these usually
result in non-standardized information (Reinharz, 1992), such information is rich in description.
In developing a richer and deeper understanding of human phenomena, the interview is a vehicle
for collecting and exploring experiential narrative material and it is also used to develop a
conversational relationship with the participant about the meaning of their experience (van
Manen, 1990). Thus, my research interviews attempted to follow these characteristics defined as
feminist phenomenological interviewing. I employed a face-to-face, open ended, interviewee
driven process. This approach asks almost no prepared questions with the exception of the inital
experience-focussed inquiry. The goal is to remain as close as possible to the lived experience,
avoiding ready made questions and encouraging concrete specific instances, situations or events
that explore the whole experience to the fullest (van Manen, 1990). This allowed questions to be
added when unanticipated patterns emerged. The more carefully I listened to these unstructured
accounts, the more focussed on the lived experience I became. This allowed for full discovery
and rich description of abused women's lived experience.
The process of inviting participants to choose their own pseudonyms, a practice first
defined by Gregg ( 1991) in her doctoral dissertation, is one consistent with feminist
methodology. Gregg attempted to interview in a way that avoided separation of the researcher
from the researched.
Also, as I listened to the accounts of these women, there were remarks left incomplete.
This is the nature of using male language and its incongruence with female experience to define
women's lives (Devault, 1987). Aspects of participant's lives may be so difficult to describe that
they appear to vanish. My work as a feminist researcher then becomes "listening 'around' and
'beyond' words to recover aspects ofwomen's experience" (Devault, 1987, p.33).This is

Still walking on egg shells

42

consistent with phenomenology as I attend to the experience and search for the essence of the
phenomenon and what makes a some- 'thing' what it is (van Manen, 1990).
Research using interviews with abused women, some of whom are still in danger in their
relationships, is not the same as doing therapy with them. As a counsellor providing therapy, I
listen to a women's reality, but instead of accepting it as the truth I challenge their attitudes,
beliefs and behaviors. In therapy, the goal is to actively effect change on a personal level. In the
research interview however, the goal was to hear the experiences or essence of their stories. I
asked these women to share with me the components of their day-to-day lived experience. As a
researcher I had to remember that although my study is not therapeutic intervention, engaging in
the process of research is intervention (Boechler, 1990). By encouraging women to talk, by
asking them to consider questions and issues they may never have previously looked at, by
making visible the invisible and by providing feedback that connects their experience to that of
other women, I intervene in the experience and the interpretation of that experience for these
women.
Information or data comes from a variety of sources. Fragments of conversations, while
at first appearing peripheral, may eventually become central to the analysis. New information may
come from unlikely sources and whether involved in the formal interview or afterward ' chatter',
all talk may have significance. Information does not always present itself in manageable ways or
at convenient times (Kirby &McKenna, 1989). My ability to adjust my data gathering and to be
attentive to what might need to be gathered became an important piece of my research. For this
reason I also chose to partake in public forums, workshops or information sessions related to my
thesis topic during the period of information collection. This means of collecting further
information allowed me to maintain a societal context in my research.

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43

Each interview began with a discussion of the purpose of the research and the topic area
we were to cover. Consent forms regarding confidentiality, pseudonyms, special instructions for
contacting the participants, safety plans and supporting information were obtained (Appendix C).
The participants were free to withdraw from the process at any time as well as to withhold parts
of their interviews from the study. None of the participants chose to do so. All participants were
offered an opportunity to obtain a copy of the research when completed. Due to the safety issue
inherent in working with abused women, the transcript was not mailed to their homes. Instead it
was made available to them through phone arrangements for drop off
Throughout my research, I wanted to learn from these women. I was looking for some
'thing', a common thread of experiences upon which I could reflect. I was also hoping to give
something back to them. Yet, I realize that involvement in my research is unlikely to transform
the conditions of their lives. I am aware that politicizing participants or creating awareness does
not automatically lead to them being involved in actions that challenge the conditions of their
oppression. However, I hoped my research would be an experience of mutual benefit for as van
Manen (1984) states, "We gather other people' s experiences because it allows us in a vicarious
sort ofway, to become more experienced ourselves" (p.56). From the outset, these women were
made aware ofwhat I was doing and why. We discussed the risks and the benefits of
participating which reinforced the element of choice for them.
The Interview Guide (Appendix D) consisted of the central question: "Please tell me
about your experience ofliving day-to-day with your partner since he has completed his
treatment group." The intent of this question was to determine what is the nature of the
phenomenon, living with a 'treated' man as a basically human experience. Other questions were
prepared to assist the interview process should they be required; however, I attempted to carry

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out a phenomenological interview which moved within the course of the participants' experience.
Each participant's experience differed in terms of perspective and circumstances, which in tum
modified the questions, inquiries and summaries with which I responded. The skill of the
researcher in the interview process "is to keep the question [of the meaning of the phenomenon]
open, to keep himself or herself and the interviewee oriented to the substance of the thing being
questioned" (van Manen, 1990, p.43). In this way, the participant then becomes a co-researcher
of the study, engaging them in the conversational process which asks questions that lead to
further questions. Research is about doing the best investigating and listening that I can. It is also
about being able to engage in a discourse that is mutual and respectful. For participants to 'ask
back' was a part of the research process that enabled a richer and more meaningful dialogue to
transpire.
In consideration that not all qualitative research is necessarily valuable to everyone, a
question commenting on the research process was included. The participants were invited to give
verbal feedback about the experience at the end of the interview. This helped me to reflect on my
research methods and my commitment to consciously studying the impact of participating in
research overall. As a feminist, my responsibility to these women was to ensure that no personal
harm had been done in the interest of acquiring information for public change.
After I had stated my research question and attempted to provided an opportunity for
them to begin their recollections in a safe way, I had anticipated that these participants would be
initially less candid with the specifics of their experience. However, these women were
immediately able to access private and personal experiences allowing me to fulfill the goal of my
research, to discover the meaning of staying with their partner, from their lived experiences.

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Thematic Analysis
Overview OfProcess
As I prepared to make sense of the information I had collected, I attempted to locate
myselfwithin the framework ofthis phenomenological methodology and feminist thinking. My
research goals directed this research process and a number of key sources guided my study.
These sources include Giorgi, (1885), van Manen (1990), Bergum (1991), Reinharz (1992), and
Coffey and Atkinson, (1996).
Interpretation of information (data analysis) is not a simple matter of systematic
processes, classification, categorization, coding and collating. It is more than distinguishing forms
of speech or consistencies in action. Analysis is essentially concerned with the representation or
reconstruction of social phenomenon (Coffey & Atkinson, 1996). This, however, goes beyond
the simple accounting of what we find. Instead it concerns the reconstruction of the social world
and the social participants that we observe. The goal of phenomenological analysis is "to
determine what the themes are, the experiential structures that make up that experience' (van
Manen, 1980, p.59) and to derive meaning from these.

Meaning Units
To achieve this goal, I analyzed the transcripts to capture the essence ofthese women's
lived experience of staying with their partners, post group treatment. I read and re-read the
transcripts in an attempt to become familiar with their stories. Then, marking or 'tagging' the
relevant and interesting text which related to my research question, I was able to choose a
portion of that text as a means of beginning to identify common trends or themes of the
participant's experience. These 'meaning units' were selected using a highlight approach (van

. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --

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Manen, 1990) and then given a code number. In this way the interviews were broken down into
'chunks' . According to Giorgi (1985) meaning units are " understood to be constituents and not
elements ... a constituent is a part determined in such a way that it is context laden. An element is
a part determined in such a way that its meaning is as much as possible independent of the
context" (p.14). By identifying these constituents as relevant units, a thematic analysis was
begun.
Once these units were identified, I reviewed them again, tagging them with a single word
or statement that best described the substance of what that woman said. In this way key themes
or thematic statements were identified, a central process in the procedural activity of
phenomenological analysis.

Themes
The notion ofthemes has specific definitions in descriptive phenomenology. Generally,
theme refers to an element which occurs frequently in a text or structures of an experience (van
Manen, 1990). For the purpose of descriptive phenomenology however, discovering themes can
be thought of as "making something of a text or of a lived experience by interpreting its
meaning ..... a process of insightful invention, discovery or disclosure - grasping and formulating a
thematic understanding is not a rule bound process but a free act of ' seeing" meaning." (van
Manen, 1990, p.79). Van Manen also defines phenomenological themes as "the structures of
experience. So when we analyse a phenomenon, we are trying to determine what themes are the
experiential structures that make up that experience" (p.79).
Each sentence or sentence cluster was read carefully, then each was studied for what it
may reveal about the lived experience. I was attempting to identify the thematic meaning that

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related to the identified unit. Bergum (1991) refers to this as a thematic moment, a term that
attempts to capture more completely the nature of the experience "suggesting a cross between
momentous and momentary" (p. 64). My task then became one of holding on to these themes by
lifting appropriate phrases, noting relevant expressions or capturing single statements that contain
the essence of the themes which is the next step in the analysis.
To consider themes as merely conceptual formulations or categorical statements would be
naive as this infers not only predictablity but stagnation, and I am studying 'lived' experience.
'Lived" infers a vibrant, kinesthetic process, the essence ofwhich cannot be defined in conceptual
abstractions. Van Manen defines phenomenological themes as "the structures of experience. So
when we analyze a phenomenon, we are trying to determine what the themes are, the experiential
structures that make up that experience" (1990, p.79).

Essence
In discovering emerging themes through this analysis process, other experiential themes
emerged. My concern was to discover aspects that make a phenomenon "what it is and without
which it could not be what it is" (van Manen, 1990, p.117). This process is not so much
concerned with facts of the circumstances such as whether something actually happened or how
often it happened. Instead I am concerned with the essence of the experience of living with a
' treated' partner, showing others the "lived quality and significance of the experience in a fuller
or deeper manner" (van Manen, 1990, p. 10).
This next step in my analysis was to move from the specific descriptors to the more
general description. In moving to a general description, I attempted to use the core or essence as
a "focal point or commonality of experience around which the phenomenological interpretation

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occurs" (Bergum, 1991 , p.64). This is similar to what Giorgi (1985) describes as arriving at "the
general category by going through the concrete expressions" (p.17).

Synthesis
To determine the structure of these women' s experience, I synthesized the transformed
meaning units, both individually and in relation to each other. By reading and re-reading, I was
striving for a thoughtfulness, "a deeply reflective activity that involves the totality of our physical
and mental being" (van Manen, 1984, p.28). As I read these women's stories, I realized that
each story had a number of particular themes and that each of these were characterized by one
particular theme. In reflecting on each woman individually and the pieces of her story that were
uniquely her, I realized that this same theme or essence was also present in the other women's
stories.
I then attempted to grasp the essence of these women's lived experience in a
phenomenological description. I placed this essence at the core of a diagrammatic representation
and "floated" the themes around this core. In this way I was able to visualize the concepts in a
context and place the identifying description within a theme. This is not simply a representational
description. Instead it was my goal to "transcend the experiential world in an act of reflective
existence" (van Manen, 1984, p. 62). In this creative act of identifying, transforming and
sythesizing, I was able to fit the specific meaning units into the context of the identified themes.
This made visible the essence of these women's experience in staying with their partner's, post
group treatment.
The synthesis of these participants' experience assisted me in arriving at the identification
of five vital themes: safety, the work of staying in the relationship, their partner' s use of power

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and control, the role of the system, and concern for their children. This reflective process further
allowed me to identify the core theme as ' still walking on egg shells' which was stated
metaphorically by all the women in the study. This phenomenological theme is not a "singular
statement", it is instead a closer accounting of an "actual description of the structure of a lived
experience" (van Manen, 1984, p.21). This combination of processes allowed me to engage in a
state of understanding the essence of the experience (verstehen).

Writing and re-writing
In order to further my understanding the essence of this experience, I engaged in the
thoughtful act of writing. Van Manen characterizes this process as " a reflective activity that
involves the totality of our physical and mental being" (1990, p.132). It is the struggle to grasp
the sense of being itself This highly philosophical state allowed me to bring into focus the more
concrete aspects of these experiences.
I used the identified themes as headings to elaborate further on the essential aspects of the
lived experience of abused women. Each section heading articulated the theme that was being
described in that section. These sections were further explicated in the case of complex themes.
Though this process systematizes the human experience, which can never be systematic, it is
important for both the purpose of producing a readable and useful document and as a means of
making me think about my information in new and different ways. In presenting the synthesis of
the information I began thinking and writing about the meanings, understandings, voices and
experiences present in this information. Because the process of synthesis is done in a context,
none of these themes is independent of the other, one will implicate the dimensions of the other,
despite the somewhat contrived structure of the analysis.

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I used these interviews and their subsequent analysis to ascertain the lived experience of
these women. Though the core phenomenon discovered was ' still walking on egg shells', each of
the identified themes; safety, the work of staying, power and control, the system and children,
spoke of broader contextual issues.
When researching this phenomenon, I have attempted to hear the voices of these women
in context. To understand their lived experience, it is crucial that we acknowledge structural
issues such as the historical oppression of women, the effects of the economy on women, the
assumptions of the government agencies that address woman abuse, attitudes of the society we
live in, the institution of marriage, the ideologies of self-sacrifice and romantic love, and the
delivery of social services in our community. By critically reflecting on the social context
throughout the analysis, it ensured that I was able to hear and affirm the lived experiences of
these women and at the same time critically reflect on those structures that influence the day-today lived experience. (Kirby and McKenna, 1989).

Achieving Quality
Credibility
Establishing credibility in qualitative research is " a matter of persuasion whereby the
scientist is viewed as having made those [descriptive] practices visible and therefore, auditable; it
is less a matter of claiming to be right about a phenomenon than of having practiced good
science" (Sandelowski, 1993, p.2). It is also a matter ofvaluing the knowledge that is created
within that particular research method. As a feminist researcher I acknowledge that " the
knowledge we create, and the process of its creation, will always be contested, since it begins
from theoretical assumptions and has intended practical applications about which there is unlikely

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to be a consensus" (Laws, 1990, .p .13). The point in sharing a few women' s experience
is to provide another perspective in the discussion of effectiveness of abusive men's treatment.

Fittingness
Fittingness refers to how well the working hypothesis fits into a context other than the
one from which it was generated and whether the people who read this find the results as
meaningful and applicable to their own experience (Beck, 1993). One must ask whether the
complexity and diversity of the phenomenon is present in the analysis. I believe theoretical
representativeness was addressed in this research by trying to discount conclusions and by
searching for alternative or negative cases,

Relevance
It is argued that relevance is a criterion that must be addressed in any assessment of

qualitative literature. Of course the question of relevance is also subjective and dependant on the
audience of the research (Hammersley, 1992). Hammersley suggests that importance of topic and
its contributions to the literature or practice are the two criteria that both research and the clinical
communities should judge relevance by. Research devoted to understanding the lived experience
of abused women who stay with their 'treated' partners is relevant to scientific inquiry and to
clinical social work practice.

Rigor
The unique efforts of individual researchers include qualities not often present in
discussion of qualitative methodology. These include uses of intuition, insight, and creative

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52

thinking that are experienced within the context of immersion in and experience of the data
(Langford, 1994). In creating rigorous designs in qualitative research, researchers are cautioned
to avoid destroying the artistry, flexibility and sensitivity that characterize qualitative work
(Sandelowski, 1993). At the same time the aim is to accurately reflect the phenomenon being
studied. Emphasis is placed on the closeness between the actual words of the participant and the
researcher's written description ofthe experience (internal validity). Though this method of study
does not generalize to the entire population (external validity), these experiences could relate to
other women who have had common experiences. Though no women's life is exactly like an
others, all women share the common experience of oppression by virtue of being a woman
however we do not necessarily share the same experiences of that oppression (Stanley & Wise,
1990).

Internal Validity
Due to the inherent danger present for the women in this study, it was not possible to
return to them for validation of their experience. This would have been the most effective way to
ensure validation of the information they shared, as well as to engage in the multiple interview
which characterizes much of feminist research (Reinharz, 1992). The safety ofthe women in this
study however was paramount, and rigour had to be compromised in the best interest of these
women' s safety. However the audio tapes were reviewed and then transcribed. Then these
written transcriptions were reviewed then summarized and reviewed again. Out of respect for the
women and to reduce possible errors, the use of verbatim quotes to describe the experience were
used whenever possible as a means of validation, emphasizing a close fit between the information
and what they actually said. This also allows readers to form their own analysis.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----------- --

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Objectivity
I have accepted my participants' knowledge of their experience as complete. As Smith
(1987) observes" A sociology for women preserves the presence of subjects as knowers and
actors. It does not transform subjects into the objects of study or make use of conceptual devices
for eliminating the active presence of subjects" (p.105). It is in the process of sharing that
knowing, of using it to expand our knowledge of who we are as women, that we begin to define
our experience. As a feminist, I have attempted to provide women with an opportunity to
describe their experience by accepting the standpoint of these women; I have accepted an
"embodied" participant who is situated in a specific history and who exists in a world of her own
uniqueness. "Objectivity means that the researcher remains true to the object" (van Manen, 1990,
p.20). I have undertaken to represent the true nature of the object, in this case the women' s
experience, and in doing so show it, describe it and "define an understanding of the relations that
shape and determine the everyday" (Smith, 1987, p.11 0), remaining both close and constant to
the women I speak for. This understanding ofthe women, from their own point ofview, is a
crucial part of my feminist orientation for it " corrects a bias of non-feminist participant
observation that trivializes female activities and thoughts, or interprets them from the standpoint
of the men in society or the male researcher" (Reinharz, 1992, p.52).

Risks of the Research
One specific limitation is the danger that, by making these women's experience visible I
may be informing abusive men about the group of ' abused women' , giving them insight into how
they think and thereby giving them more information which they could use to control women.
This is a risk that needs to be taken. I question not only whether these men will read this

. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -----

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document but how much validity such men will give to this research. Should they however read
this thesis, they could possibly deny these experiences about these women as much as they deny
and minimize the women who speak them. The greater possibility when dealing with controlling
men is that they will attempt to sabotage the work that I, am attempting to do on behalf of other
women. This limitation is yet to be determined.
Some may say that a limitation of this research is the small number of participants and the
lack of generalizability. However phenomenological study is not an empirical analytic science.
The intent of this research was not to show or prove that one type of program was more effective
than another or that all women experience post-treatment life in the same way. The intent was to
remain focussed on developing an understanding of these women which describes the uniqueness
of their human experience.
This next section explores the outcome of my research, looking first at the struggle for
meaning each participant experienced.

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CHAPTER THREE
Research Outcomes: What did I hear?
The Struggle for Meaning: Making Sense of Their Lives
Linear thinking is a trademark of our scientifically based society, however, women tend
not to think always in a linear fashion. As Langford (1994) suggests, "Women do not experience
battering as a linear process and are unable to talk about the violence in a linear fashion" (p.72).
Qualitative research, based on interviewing as a means of talking about an issue, provided the
opportunity to explore this complex non-linear process. Women telling their stories tended to
find a starting point, usually how they came to be involved with their partner, and to work
randomly from there, eventually covering the chronological context.
By volunteering to be a part of this study and by telling their stories, women were
continuing their attempts to make sense of their experiences. Speaking their own stories, made
clear for them that their staying and ongoing caring about this person did not make logical sense.
The women struggled with two seemingly unanswerable issues. The first is the unreconcilable
confusion they are experiencing because they still care about a person who is capable of hurting
or killing them. The other is the disparity between their acceptable attraction to their partners,
who have good qualities, juxtaposed with the violence which they hate and reject. Their
relationships appear full of intense positive and negative experiences.
Yeah. I think about those things and I think, no, this pig is not gonna hurt me anymore
but I'm still with him.
I'm still in love with him. I still love him. I don't- but I'm really just sad about it too
because I can't see it ever working. You know, I can't.. ..I mean- I mean, I consider
myself intelligent enough to know that that' s not the way women are supposed to be
treated but yet at the same time I've allowed it to happen ...
So George and I we started talking and he was really good. He was back to, you know,

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the original ...And that's what I always knew, you know, and that's what made me hold
on as long as I did. Four years of hell.
These statements indicate the pendulum of emotions women experience - from love and hope to
glimpses of anger, for example "the pig". It also alerted me to a similar shifting in men "he was
back to ... the original", meaning he was sometimes the loving person she had originally met and
not the person who continued to abuse her. This shifting of emotions shows how women's hope
is based in part on the behaviors of their partners and how shifts in their behavior make it hard to
make a final break. When he displays positive behaviors they hope these changes are permanent.
Related to making sense of this intense positive and negative experience in the
relationship, women expressed a detachment from the abuse. Participants depersonalized the
violence in their relationships by referring to "it" instead of naming the violence or the source of
the violence. This depersonalization was extensive and was clear in such statements as "It started
right away after we married". In this way women may achieve a cognitive distancing from the
violence which allows them to deny or discount the abuse and in some cases to achieve a
cognitive clarity in making sense of "it" as something that is not really his violence towards her.
Throughout the interviews these women struggled to find the words or the concepts that
would describe their day-to-day experience when they did not understand the experience
themselves. Parts of women' s lives "disappear" in interviews and so are not easily translated into
a language of identifiable words (Devault, 1990). The women I spoke with experienced
difficulties in describing their own reality and finding the words that portrayed their lives, as
shown in the following statement:
But I still don't trust him and .. .I don't know if it's, I don't know how to word it. I'm
afraid of him because he can go off for no reason and ....
Beyond finding the words to describe the undescribable, women's confidence is so compromised

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that they do not trust themselves to be saying or doing the 'right' thing to make him happy and
keep themselves safe.
I'm afraid to speak sometimes, I feel like I'm not saying the right thing or the right words
and then ... Those are the things I've lost that I had before.
It also indicates that years ofbeing hyper-vigilant and centering on his need and wants, make it

difficult to articulate her own reality except in relation to him.
Describing the danger and fear in their lives, in the safety and quiet of my office could
have contributed to making their experiences seem even more undescribable. In an attempt to
articulate the emotional confusion and the need for something or someone to intervene and make
the situation 'normal', they reverted to using examples of incidents and issues to describe the
moments of crazy thoughts and feelings.
Interviewer - "so in a way you have contact through your son.
Participant-" Yeah. Uh,Uh and I'm afraid to push him too much but on the other hand I
have to protect my kid so, I have to sort of. ... . (She was silent for a few moments).
Interviewer - "find a middle ground maybe?
Participant - "Yeah and urn, and then in another way, this is gonna sound really stupid but
in one way, I wish he would come after me one more time .. .. because then he would go
to jail and then he'd be outta my hair for awhile. And that sounds probably really stupid
but, see ..... "
I don't want anything bad to happen to him ... .but I just had this feeling that something
bad is going to happen to him and I mean to be honest, and I know .. , I mean I've talked
to my sister about it too ... sometimes I've wished that something bad would happen to
him because then it would be over .. .I would never have to see him again, I would never
have to worry about him being with somebody else.
These statements further indicate conflicting feelings. While one woman struggles for a middle
ground in her own behavior, another both worries about and hopes the violence will end by
"something bad" occurring which would remove her partner. It is clear that both these women do
not see behavior change in their male partners as the source of hope for their safety and quality of
relationship .

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Another way in which these women tried to make sense out of their experience was to
create the context of the violence by describing how their relationship was prior to the group, the
history of the abuse and how the relationship developed. It was as though a reconstructing ofthe
past would allow them to make sense of the present.
How it started was, urn, I never went to school. I could barely speak English. When I first
met my husband I had a - I had a previous relationship before and he was married before
too.
Uh, well the abuse started shortly after we were married and it progressively got worse
and worse and worse and worse and urn, he had no respect. ... he had no respect for
me ... and he -like it was so weird, he wanted his own place. He wanted me to be waiting
for him at home, he wanted his own place so that he could go and have his own time and
stuff like that.
This man' s beliefthat his partner should "be waiting for him at home" describes the role he
assumed she should play. To be subservient, waiting and to be at his beck and call, was the
standard he set and she must provide. This same woman speaks about his lack of respect for her
as an independent person, "he had no respect", indicating his attitude towards her as a women.
Describing these past relationships also shows the power imbalances, control issues and
double standards that existed living in this relationship . This recollecting assisted these women to
revisit the early realities of being in the abusive relationship and in compare this to their present
realities.
A few of the women who had accessed support services such as the abused women' s
group and individual counselling at the Elizabeth Fry Society, were able to make sense of their
experiences by referring to their partner' s abusive behaviors and attitudes as acceptable and
unacceptable based on what they had recently learned from other women. Others, who had no
support services, had a limited frame of reference in which to interpret the abuse. Both of these
quotes however indicate that the plethora of information on abuse that we are told is available,

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was not available to these women when they needed it.
I have where he used to shake me. He'd shake me and shake me to the point where he
ripped my stuff and then he strangled me. Now, but that would be it but he never really,
like hit me or, you know, I didn't think that was abuse. I know it was a form of abuse but
I didn't know any better until I started going to Elizabeth Fry.
It took a long time to figure out but it wasn't me .. .I didn't know. It took along time to
figure out but it wasn't me it was him. Yeah, it took me a lot ofyears to find a better
relationship.
Each participant struggled to find the descriptors that best defined her experience. This was
evident in their consistent use ofterms like "you know" and" I don't know" as well as in their
partial and incomplete sentences.
I said, or if it's like, you're kind a in shock or whatever - I said, when you get out of a
relationship, too, it's not that easy sometimes to, you know, let it go. Maybe- I know
that he had asked his ex to marry him ...
These women were attempting to make understandable to me, something that they did
not truly comprehend themselves. This struggle to find words that described "it" and to present
in a coherent and logical way, a description of an incoherent and illogical experience, was
labourious. A limitation of this research design was that it did not allow for the further
exploration of these women' s process ofunderstanding and explaining the violence.

The Core Phenomena: "Walking on egg shells".
In presenting the synthesis of my data information, I will first discuss the core
phenomenon described by these women as 'walking on egg shells'. Subsequently, I will explicate
the five core themes in the information interpretation that were common for all participants.
These included: safety, the women's work of staying in the relationship, use of power and
control by her partner, concern for children, and the role of the 'system'. Within each theme are a

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number of sub-themes I have explored, each with an overall relationship to the central
phenomenon of these participant' s day-to-day lives.
What they describe are little pieces of an overall context of safety. These bits and pieces
are not always in and of themselves considered unusual or frightening, but when woven together,
create an environment of intimidation, fear and danger that becomes the contextual experience of
'walking on eggshells' . Each individual woman' s story is different yet each contains this central
notion of danger described along a continuum. Kelly (1987) notes that the word continuum is not
intended to be used in a linear fashion to define the seriousness of abuse. Instead, it is intended as
a multifaceted concept, influenced by the victim's reaction, the duration of the abuse and the
perceived danger to the victim. Framing this multifaceted concept, the continuum of violence can
be conceptualized as an interacting arrangement of verbal, emotional, sexual, economic and
physical abuses.
Because I had identified myself as a social worker and because I am a woman who has
worked with abusive men, it was assumed by the participants that I understood this phenomenon
of constant attendance to the emotional, physical and mental climate which allows for the
women' s immediate recognition and anticipation of the abusive man' s needs in order to prevent
and avoid danger. As Devault (1987) argues, women to women talk is the recovery of an
unarticulated experience, a process which my interviews proceeded to accomplish in pulling out,
over the full course of the conversation, the meaning of the term, ' walking on eggshells' . In using
this metaphor, a common understanding was assumed as to the use of this term as a determinant
of safety (safety being defined as the absence of walking on eggshells). To deal with the
incomplete nature of everyday language to describe the fullness of the experience of living with
an abusive man after his treatment, these women chose a term that relied on my 'listening as a

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woman' to understand and make sense of it. Because 'walking on eggshells' does not completely
say what this experience was, my listening as a woman helped me to understand the experience
and continue to talk while providing time for further concrete examples to be articulated. This
further articulation provided a more complete understanding of a life 'walking on eggshells' .
I mean, I was walking on egg shells all the time. I mean, you know ... .I'd try and make
sure that- and I'm not a cook, I don't like to cook. He always bugs me about that and
says, I don't know what's the problem is, anybody can cook. And I just said well I don't
enjoy it. .. But I mean I would try - I got panicky almost.
This woman went on to describe how she would scramble to get the house work done but it was
never good enough or how she went to the gym to lose weight but he criticised her for going
out. All of these behaviors begin to create a context of fear for her. She anticipates his emotions,
remains in close readiness to respond and develops this phenomenon known as "walking on egg
shells" or hyper-vigilance. Women monitor and appear to continually interpret their partner's
mood and hence their safety.
The meaning conveyed in this metaphor is the attempt to predict the unpredictable that a
woman experiences day-to-day while living with abusive behaviors and attitudes. Use of this
metaphor may not necessarily pertain to the actual physical violence in the relationship. Instead it
refers to the perception of possible violence, the need to be in a psychological state of readiness
and the resulting condition of cumulative stress. This metaphor also describes the woman' s need
to anticipate her partner' s behaviors, however futile, and the hope that in doing so she will
maintain some of her own power. "Walking on egg shells" becomes a precarious task.
This perception of violence is powerful; through it a man exercises control over a
woman. This is apparent in one women' s statement:
It' s anything- no, it's anything I've done, you know ... To me, it was like anything I did,
nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough for him I mean, that was really hard to deal

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with, you know ... I felt I could never do anything right - I told him the way he talks to me
and the way he talks to other people is that it' s totally different. I said you have a tone of
voice with me. Like, you're aggravated or irritated or condescending and all this, eh.
The perception of possible violence is seen by these women when they live in an environment
where their partner is conveying the non-verbal message that he is constantly angry and therefore
ready to explode, hence she needs to be vigilant. When he conveys the message through his
condescending attitude that she is not worth speaking to, she has learned to be on guard for
becoming the brunt of his displeasures.
Power perceived by women is power achieved by their abusive partners. By establishing
an environment of ' possibilities' through the use of voice tone, silence, criticism or past violent
behaviors, these men do not always need to actually use their power, the show of its presence is
enough to warn the woman that she needs to adjust her behavior and guard her safety.
I could see it, the way his eyes go. The facial expressions, he just gets that- his whole
face just goes tense and he just, you know, ... You know that you have to do something
to protect yourself. .. because before the - the main assault there was a couple of other
incidents that had happened and I wasn't even gonna let that happen again (voice and
hands are shakey.)
These women believe their capacity to work, to interact in the family or society or to
enjoy good physical and mental health, has been or still maybe threatened despite the fact that
their partner has been in a group. They used examples of each in the following descriptors:
even if I .. worked at , let ' s say at 7- Eleven or something like that, he would still find
something.
I'm not totally letting him take control of my life. I shouldn' t say that, I guess that he
really is because I quit all of my travels.
I found I was really depressed and I didn't want to get up in the morning .. .! was twenty
pounds overweight. .. but the stress was worse.
Attempts to describe the women' s lives were often filtered through the daily living of

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others, often their partners. The lack of words, or combinations of words, forced them to filter
their experiences through descriptions of their partner's behaviors. Detailed descriptions of what
he thought, said or did were used instead. This is not to say that all experiences emerged from
their partner's perceptions, but that when asked to describe what life was like for them,
descriptions of her partner' s behavior, attitudes, needs and idea's were used as a means of
describing a woman' s own life.
I'd wake up in the morning and I'd say hi, you know, and morning, whatever and go to
give him a kiss or whatever and he'd say, yeah, what's good about it type of thing.
Sometimes he would wake up fine, others he wouldn't. I never knew. His mood would
change within half an hour. He'd be joking around and everything and then just one thing
would set him off .. And I was always afraid.
This made it difficult to determine who my participants were as people, their lives, personalities
and needs rather than their husband' s. As Carol Gilligan (1982) found in her work with women,
"identity is defined in a context of relationship and judged by a standard of responsibility and
care" (p.160). Because these women' s identities were defined in the context of the abusive
relationship, relating their own experiences became enmeshed with that of their partners. When
the topic of their day-to-day lived experience was introduced in the interview, the participants
created a picture of their relationship, where their partner was, what he was doing, their family
member's importance and the commitment they made to be married. Their individual identities
became lost, fused with their partners. Identity became synonymous with the intimacy of the
relationship, as a woman comes to know herself through her abusive relationship. For these
women it seemed that it is not caring itself that becomes the problem but the additional aspects
ofthe burden of caring for an abusive man (Baines et al, 1991).
But there's women like myself, where they grow up thinking it's been okay to be treated
like this. Cause it's been - it's almost like I have to de-program myself and that's what
I'm doing now.

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This context also relates to the socialization of women in caring for the family. In this case to
care for the emotional needs of the family, particularly their partner, they tended to frame their
experiences through that of their male partner. While 'walking on eggshells', these women
continue to be centrally involved in maintaining the well-being of the family members regardless
of the continuation of abuse and the intervention of treatment. As one woman said,
You have to remember I was totally in love with this man and realized that he came from
a family background where there wasn't a lot oflove and everything, so I thought, ... you
know ... ifl could just love him enough it would fix it.
This description indicates that she believes that he is abusive because he does not feel loved
enough. This same women spoke ofthis man's abandonment by his mother at a young age and
how this lead to his hating and distrust ofwomen. "He doesn't have a lot of respect for womenit's his mother. His mother was an alcoholic. She left when he was eleven." She justifies his
abusive nature by blaming his mother for not being there for him, and she attempts to be there for
him instead.
Maintaining and managing nurturing and caretaking of the family is also a strategy used
by women to prevent violence through control of their environment. Cooking, cleaning and other
household management skills become a means by which women can control the possible onset of
violence or abuse.
I got panicky, almost. You know, I would run around - I would look around the house
and think, okay, I've got the dishes done, and I've got that done. Well at least it looks
like I've done something and supper's on the table .... you know other days the house
would be done from one end to the other, kinda normal thing, right.. .I'd get these
derogatory remarks at everything.
Inherent in this remark is the woman's beliefthat what she has done is never 'good enough' .
Whether the house is completely clean or not, she would "get these derogatory remarks at
everything", nothing would satisfy him. She also felt there was a certain standard of care that she

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must maintain that is "normal". Interestingly, this woman worked a night shift job till2:00 a.m.,
with few breaks, went home and woke at 7:00a.m. to care for her twelve year old child. This
rigorous schedule combined with the need for constant hyper-vigilance created immense stress
for her. While she attempted to keep this stressful pace, her partner remained unemployed while
still expecting her to perform the tasks of a wife. "He just said, you're a wife now you shouldn't
be out running around" . His expectations appeared to be that she should not only work to
provide economically, but that she should provide all that he expects in her role as a wife. This
demonstrates that for women "the task is one of adjustment and reconciliation in order to create
points of intersection among diverse sets of activities" (Devault, 1991). This woman's work was
to co-ordinate many activities, geared towards satisfying her partner and maintaining her home
and family by adjusting and harmonizing their lives. She was able to do this by maintaining her
vigilance to her partners needs and desires so she 'walks on egg shells' .
This phenomenon that these descriptions explicate are explored in looking at the
experiences that make up 'walking on egg shells' . These are further defined under five themes.

The Five Themes
1. Women's work of Staying in the Relationship
One of the first themes that emerged from my data was the concept of the work required
of women in order to maintain their relationships. Women engaged in constant monitoring and
anticipation of their partner's emotional state in order to predict danger but this is not the only
'work' that women engage in to maintain a relationship with an abusive partner. 'Work' also
becomes a number of other invisible activities, seldom defined and often remaining obscure.
Some of this work was described as the necessity to accept responsibility for the abuse and

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violence; to live with the guilt offulfilling their own personal needs and to work at empowering
themselves. These three tasks of adjustment and reconciliation become the means by which
women not only attempted to increase the safety level in their relationships, but reassure their
obligation and commitment to the relationship.

Accepting Responsibility
A major aspect of the work of staying in the relationship is the need for a woman to
accept responsibility for the abuse. That they are responsible is the only logical explanation for
their partner's irrational, unpredictable and abusive behaviors. If they accept responsibility for the
abuse, then they can do the work of changing. Paradoxically, this places the abuse within her
control.
Yeah, it was me. It was me, I had to change first. That's why I said you have to change,
you have to get strong.
I just kinda hold on to the door and I let him kick me. He just kept on kicking me .. ..
He was really- he was just irritable all the time. I felt like I was irritating him. Like
everything I said, irritated him and he was always telling me to, shut your f_ing hole
and it's your mouth- ifyou weren't so mouthy, we wouldn't have these problems.
This latter quote demonstrates not only how women consider it their work to take the
responsibility and engage in self-blame but how men are continuing to abdicate their
responsibility. Despite sixteen weeks oftreatment, these women reported clear incidents of their
partner's failing to take responsibility for his violence and abuse.
He had ruined three Christmases and I just thought, no, I'm not gonna let it happen again
but I told him I was concerned about that and everything and he just said, oh yeah, well
whatever, if you can watch your f_ _ing mouth, he said everything will be fine. So,
again he was laying - laying it all on me .
... but he -like even now he doesn't accept that he did anything wrong .... we were driving

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downtown and he had the audacity to say he didn't know yet if he was going to plead
guilty or innocent and I was like, you broke my nose (laughs), you broke my ribs, two
separate incidents, but still.
This failure to acknowledge their role and responsibility in the violence implies their inability to
change their belief systems and behaviors towards women. These men maintained their ability to
abuse these women by holding on to the belief that they were not responsible and therefore, it
was not their problem. It was her problem and it was her work to fix it.

Women who invest vast and intensive amounts of emotional energy in abusive
relationships must deal with constant guilt when they attempt to fulfill their own needs and
practice self-care. Self-care is the act of attending to one's individual needs- physically,
emotionally, mentally and spiritually- to ensure a healthy balance of one's own life. As women,
we are not socialized to engage in self-care behaviors instead "we are encouraged to identify
with others and to develop altruistic patterns ofinteraction"(Baines, Evans and Neysmith, 1991,
pp. 17-18). Abused women give up many of their previous activities and attitudes, and
experience changes in levels of self-confidence, physical appearance and ability to manage their
stress and deal with the presence of depression. In continuing the work involved in the burden of
caring, women seriously restrict the development of their own interests and independence.
Well he didn't like me suntanning. He didn't like me going to the gym. He didn't like me
goin' and gettin' my hair done. All that kind ofthing. So I stopped. I gained twenty
pounds.
Its really hard on my self-esteem. I noticed that, yeah, and I got a lot of comments from
my friends ... they say you' re not the same, you don't laugh anymore, you're not smiling
anymore. You know you' re jumpy. I'm always nervous somebody comes up behind me
and I'd be like this - you know. And watching myself all the time.

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... but then when I was starting to get stressed I found I was getting really depressed and I
- I mean I didn't want to get up in the morning, you know, it was just kinda like, throw
the covers over your head, I don't want to deal with it.
I don't drink, I don't even have a glass of wine anymore cause he'll use anything against
me and try to find anything against me.
From denying their own physical self care "I gained twenty pounds" to deep emotional
depression, these women were becoming less capable of dealing with the burden of living in the
abusive situation. They were 'losing' themselves behind walls of fat and beneath blankets of
denial. They were no longer who they had been. They became damaged women, less able to care
for themselves or others, less capable of providing for their own needs. Which is consistent with
the fact that none of the work mentioned by the women included self-care habits that would help
them to build their self-confidence, for as Taylor (1991) states,
Women often do not perceive themselves as having the right to act or make decisions
that would be for their own direct benefit. The wife in a subordinate position attends to
her own needs subject to her husbands approval (p.212).
These women's subordinate position is magnified by the abusive conditions and their ability to
care for their own needs is severely restricted.
The women I spoke with are caught in an experience defined by Langford ( 1994) as
being in a whirlwind of social and emotional chaos where women internalize the chaos and join
their partner in blaming themselves for the abuse. In response to this social and emotional chaos
and the resulting suppression of their feelings, women begin to detach emotionally not only from
their partners, but also from themselves. They don't trust themselves to correctly judge situations
and to question their ability to determine what is normal and what is not. Under such
dysfunctional conditions women have neither the energy nor the ability to identify their needs.
Guilt becomes a consuming condition oftheir loss ofidentity. Pence (1989) likened the

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experience of abuse to brainwashing.

Empowerment
Battered women often feel powerless, a state that results in both negative self image and
loss of control. Empowerment of powerless women involves both the process and the outcome
of helping women develop skills, knowledge and influence that makes it possible for them to gain
access to money, resources and support (Smith &Siegel, 1985).
By accepting responsibility for the abuse and thereby assuming more control over it,
these women came to believe that the only recourse for safety left to them was to empower
themselves. They unequivocally believed that they must become stronger in order to survive in
the relationship or stronger so that they could leave the relationship. To work at empowering
themselves, some women find the strength in entering another relationship for security and
protection.
.. .like ifhe ever did anything, provided he didn't kill me like I mean, I would send him to
jail and, and I've got a guy now who would like, you know, protect me and stuff like
that.
Some women find emotional and spiritual strength in attending support groups in an effort to
stay in the relationship and 'handle' the abuse.
I go to Alanon every week. Uh, I have books that I'm reading. I'm trying to get myself
strong so that I don't- I went to Elizabeth Fry, I went to their meetings- I will keep
going to them until I can get myself strong.
This suggests that she knows she does not currently have enough strength to stay safe in her
relationship, nor does she have the personal resources necessary to deal with the abuse. Her
empowerment will have to be fostered by factors other than herself.
Some women even fantasize about being physically strong enough to stop the

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abuse. "Yeah .. .sometimes I wish I was a man and then I could just beat the hell out of him" .
This description shows how removed she is from her own empowerment. Her fantasy does even
not include images which could become a reality.
Perhaps the genuine fatalism of their situation and faith in where the solutions lie are most
apparent in one women' s statement about the treatment intervention.
Like, don' t just assume it's gonna be better because he's taking this program. Like that is
the problem is that you always think he's gonna change and after years and years and
years when it gets worse and worse and worse then you kinda have to wake up one day
and say, he's not changing, so perhaps I will.
This woman describes the difficulty of coming to terms with the reality that the treatment hasn't
changed him and that empowerment will only come when she finally accept that he will not
change that she must act. This self-change is the work of empowerment these women struggle to
define.
For some women this work of empowerment had to be done on top of the work of caring
for the family. They will allow themselves to work at empowerment only if their partner or
children maintain their position of priority.
I've done lots of things and I've quit all of them so that I can concentrate on my family
right now. I've kinda put my life on hold for my family .
... he' s not treating me right but what I'm doing now is I'm getting myself strong so
when the time comes I could just leave. And I know one thing - one thing - women like
myself, I keep going back and going back and going back because people like me - like
women like myself, we' re so forgivin' and understanding and- especially the way I was
brought up.
These statements emphasize the enormous load of caring that must be shifted to allow a woman
to care for herself by "getting myself strong". This woman' s comments also address the reality
that women are socialized to stay in their relationships, work at the emotional caretaking and
maintain their role as nurturer (Baines et al, 1991).

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Both church and family play a significant role in keeping women in caring and subservient
roles.
He's never had that nurturing that a person usually gets from their mother. I mean, its
always been that way. I mean, as far as I can see with family like and that, in most cases,
it's the mom does the nurturing, dad goes off to work and all that, right?
I believe that you forgive, just tum the other cheek and be a good little wife. That's what
- that's what the church teaches ....... I've learned to use - I think that's what kept me
going all those years.
At the same time, family also plays a distinct role in supporting these women and providing
resources to becoming stronger. Some women tum to family members who can relate to their
position,
I have a sister who is very supportive. She went through two abusive relationships, so
she has been there, done that. .
While others use existing support groups or Church networks.
Urn. The way I handle it now. I go to Alanon. Right now and I went to see Mental
Health. I'm on- actually this afternoon I got a meeting to go to a workshop called
Change of Ways. I'm doing different things to get myself strong.
Both family and church act to restrict and to promote these women' s ability to become
more resourceful. These women have been socialized to care for and about their partners despite
hardships and violence. This condition perpetuates the cycle of caring on which society relies to
maintain the institution ofthe family. These women, through the years of abuse, have come to
believe that their work is to become stronger and to empower themselves. They see this as the
key to a safer family.
So I need to get myself strong. And I know that no one no one out there can give me
advice. No one can tell me leave that a_ _hole. I need to decide that on my own. I need
to get strong and that's what I'm doing now ..... So the thing I tell a woman is get strong,
get your self strong and then learn about the violence and about the behavior and all the
cycles of it you know ...

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Paradoxically, in believing this, women continue to take the responsibility for the
situation. By believing they must become stronger, they accept that true change will not be in
their partner's ability to stop abusing but in their ability to become empowered. Whether women
become stronger in order to stay in the relationship or in order to leave it, this requirement
becomes a women's work.
Some of the adjunct work involved in her empowerment includes the need to break the
emotional connection with her partner. Therefore a struggle between caring and hope versus
facing reality ensues.
Women need to think about the bad things not the good things urn, someone told me to
write them down - I did once, I wrote down how many - what things I like about my
husband, I wrote it down. And how many bad things out weighed the good things - there
was not much good in it.
You see I have to remember - I have to make myself remember the bad times, I do, just
bringing it back. ... that' s what I have to focus on.
The concept of empowerment used by these women implies their ability to acquire emotional
resources which would allow them to become safer. If these women have already experienced
some sense of success in 'becoming strong' then it may not be difficult for them to understand
the process involved in the achievement of power. However, they would need to " develop
ability in choosing [which] involves assertiveness and a familiarity with the importance of choice.
It requires moving from the assumption that there is no alternative, to accepting one' s lot, to

deliberation over what might be possible" (Rees, 1991, p. 93).
The work of becoming stronger can create a backlash effect when their partners feel
threatened by the growing independence of the women. Her independence would mean that she
was no longer dependent on him. If she was no longer dependent then his ability to control her is
greatly reduced. The very act ofbecoming stronger leads her partner to feel that she is out of his

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control leading him to reaffirm his position of dominance by becoming more controlling and
manipulative. In making the following comment, the participant also talked about keeping her
job, starting to see male friends and continuing to maintain a 'normal' life. Her partner on the
other hand was doing drugs, living at his father's and owed people large amounts of money.
He's making me feel sorry for him and concerned. Yeah, I've thought about that, you
know, because then he talks about suicide and stuff Well, I should just do myself in and
all this kind of stuff, right. Just another manipulation ... ..! told him I'm not going to live
this way anymore. I'm not going to put up with it, GO! I haven't seen him since
Sunday ... .I'm vibrating and thinking what's happened. Has he ... ?
This woman describes the manipulative behaviors that her partner uses to elicit caring from her
for himself It is this burden of caring, her own guilt and sense of responsibility that will hopefully
ensure he can return to the relationship. Either the man or the woman leaving the relationship,
does not guarantee an end to the violence and control. Many women find instead that learning to
handle the abuse by engaging in this 'work' of staying, is the best option open to them. This issue
of control as well as power is further explored in the next theme which focuses specifically on
power and control used by their partner' s.

2. Partner's Use ofPower and Control
The majority of treatment programs in North America are based on the model developed
by the Duluth Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Minnesota (Pence and Paymar, 1993).
This model specifies eight areas of power and control: using intimidation; using coercion and
threats; using male privilege; using economic abuse; using children; minimizing, denying and
blaming; using isolation and emotional abuses. These eight areas are discussed as a power and
control wheel (Appendix D) and used as a means of reeducating men about their violence.

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Having completed a group, one would expect that the abusive man would be less likely to
engage in behaviors and attitudes that continue abusive power and control, however as I
discovered through my interviews, this was not necessarily the case.
A lot of verbal abuse. And that was always the main thing of our relationship too was
verbal and emotional abuse- very manipulative. Like he didn't want me going out. He
always tried to make me feel guilty even if I went for lunch with a girlfriend or my sister
or whatever. And yet he denied it. He said- he just said, you're a wife now you shouldn't
be out running around doing this. That hasn't changed.
Given that previously the male partners were not only capable of but actively engaged in
dangerous behavior, women are still controlled by the possibility of that violence. Even after
treatment, the men in these relationships still used a variety of ways to control the women. For
the purpose of explicating my data I have chosen to combine these into two areas; psychological
and economic controls, which were the most common means described by these participants.

Psychological control
There are many ways that a man can control a woman psychologically, some are so subtle
that the women is unable to recognize when this abuse is taking place. I feel that it is necessary
to discuss the distinction between psychological battering and emotional abuse as this difference
exists for women. Psychological battering has more destructive power than emotional abuse
because that power comes directly from a woman's past experience ofviolence that has already
occurred. She knows from past assaults that he is able to back up his threats with physical abuse
(Ganley, 1982). In emotional abuse there may never have been any physical violence, only the
·continued threat or implied possibility. This has a different quality of effect on women, though no
less debilitating. However, all psychological control described by these women is psychological
battering as each had experienced physical abuse that would confirm their partners ability to

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physically injure them.
The following quote would be recognized as emotional abuse if this man had never
actually engaged in physical violence, however as this particular partner has physically abused
this women, this is an example of psychological battering.
I remember being in Vancouver, on the back ofthe Harley, and him being angry, and him
just zipping in and out of traffic, and twice my knees ... .my knees brushing the uh, side
view mirrors ofvehicles. He's done it since [the group], he's done it before, tried to scare
me, yeah, it worked.
This kind of abuse and control shows the male partner' s ability to create fear through alluding to
the possibility that it might happen and demonstrating his power to make it happen if he chooses.
Whether psychological battering or emotional abuse, the primary function of psychological
control is to keep women "walking on egg shells" and to maintain their subservience.
Threats by the male partner, that he will become sexually involved with other women, or
actual involvements, are a means of psychologically abusing his partner.
Well, I still can't go on my [business] trips, urn he tells me ifi go on a trip he's gonna go
out and do it again- screwing around and like that. I don't trust him. He's done it before.
I can't go on my trips.
This form of manipulation suggests to the women that not only is his fidelity based on her ability
to meet his needs in the home, but also that there is a deficiency in her that leads him to seek
comfort with another woman. The threat of loss of the male partner is seen by our society as a
problem of the woman' s making not necessarily ofthe man' s. Media advertising (Still Killing Us
Softly, 1987) and other forms of socialization lead women to believe that ifthey were pretty
enough, slim enough, caring enough, or available enough, the man would not want to seek to
fulfill his needs elsewhere. It must be noted that this loss of her partner has not only emotional
overtones but also economic, as his leaving for another woman may result in her loss of

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economic stability and lead to possible poverty.
Economic Controls
Poverty and fear of poverty are very real issues for women in today' s society. In a job
market with dwindling possibilities, low paying positions, down sizing and down loading, women
are often times left with little possibility of employment and much insecurity. Despite these
conditions, the women I interviewed recognized the control and power that finances had played
in their dependance and vulnerability and each had taken steps to become more financially
independent.
He used to get paid and go to the bar and blow all the money. He just gave me what he
wanted to. Now we have a joint account, I have a job of my own and I am economically
independent.
I'll get my purse and I'll go from him and I'll go somewhere ... And that's one thing I'll
never do again, I'm not gonna move from here. I'm gonna stand up . I'm gonna stand up
against what I believe in and that' s why I'm gonna buy this building and keep my
business.
What this means is that the reality of previous economic dependence has contributed to their
realization that economic independence is necessary not only for their individual survival but for
any hope of an equitable relationship with their partners. These women are making sure that both
partners benefit from the financial arrangements, thus establishing greater equality in the
relationship.
Not all women have this option of economic independence however as they are faced
with having to care for small children or they lack the job market skills needed in this
technological age. Being without a male partner who earns better wages is a reality that keeps
women bound to the abusive home.

Urn, when I look at him, because he works very hard, he' s in that way he' s a good

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provider. He always worked. That's one thing about Sam, he worked all the time.
The meaning of this statement seem to be that even though he has beaten her and continues to
psychologically abuse her, she is willing to accept some of this in return for the economic
security and stability of a partner who is a good provider.
Without some form of employment or guaranteed income, many women are not able to
support themselves outside of the abusive marriage . This form of power and control over a
woman shows how dependant and vulnerable, abused women are, both in and out of the
relationship
...he' s paying a measly fifty dollars a month for child support and he uh, like I was talking
to him Friday and he wanted me to come down and pick the money up and I said no, its
up to you to get it to me, I shouldn't have to chase after fifty dollars. (Voice mimicks low
tone ofhusband) Well I'll put it away and see ifl can keep it. I'll probably spend it.. .. So
I went down on Saturday and picked it up .. ... In fact he said that when we first started
the divorce proceedings and stuff, he said he wasn't gonna pay me any kind of alimony. I
said whatever, he didn' t support me the five years we were married why would I expect
him to start now. But, .uh and plus not only that but uh, I don't want him to have that
kind of control over me. I don't want it, I don't want to have the money and rely on it
and then have him not pay it anymore and stuffbecause that would be a control thing. I
don't need the headache, so I'll just live on welfare until I'm done school.
As this last women describes, her need for an extra fifty dollars a month to care for her child
keeps her tied into her ex-partner's control. The reality oflife with children is that women have
the extra financial responsibility of providing for their children as a single parent. Fear ofbeing
single, and the poverty that it often brings, keep women in abusive relationships
These descriptions of women' s day-to-day lived experience' s suggest that men's groups
may fail to hold men accountable for their purposeful abuse vis-a-vis finances . Nor do they
appear to have addressed the financial abuse inherent in manipulating and controlling money.
Though not always conscious or preplanned, economic abuse serve to keep women in a

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subordinate position, restricting their freedom of choice and movement.
Of the current men's treatment groups, which primarily address cognitive behavioral
issues, there is concern by women' s advocates and feminist researchers that they create 'nonviolent terrorists' (Holmes & Lundy, 1990). I did not find this particular phenomenon. I did find,
however, that 'nonviolent terrorism' was present in these women's lives. Though the physical
assault often had diminished due to legal intervention, psychological abuse still persisted.
What I'm trying to put a stop to is the verbal and mental abuse now. I always tell him
that -do you know what you're doing Sam?
If group interventions were effective, as defined by the presence of safety and absence of
danger for female partners, then one would expect to see a different pattern at work. Perhaps a
reduction in physical violence or a more subtle form of emotional abuse would be evident. These
descriptions suggest a phenomenon where the physical abuse had decreased and the
psychological abuse had increased or stayed constant. Though not all women reported the
presence of physical abuse currently, they did reported a decrease of physical and the current
existence of psychological abuse. These women report that the psychological abuse had
increased or stayed the same, a phenomena consistent with the research previously examined in
the literature review. These findings suggest that these women' s lives are not necessarily safer as
they are still "walking on egg shells", in fear of physical, sexual and psychological violence
despite their partner' s involvement in a program geared towards changing their psychologically
abusive behaviors and attitudes.

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3. Concern for Children
The presence of children in the relationship added a factor of concern for the women I
interviewed. Not only were they living with their own danger, but they feared for the well being
and lives of their children: " ... when my son goes over there for the weekend, I worry because I
honestly believe that he is going to die when he is there" . This description of the fear this mother
lives with when her child visits his father suggests that 'walking on egg shells' does not end when
their partner leaves their lives, instead it continues through their children.
The care of dependent children is a woman's direct concern and, generally speaking, it is
the presence or danger to children that most often convinces a woman to leave (Thome - Finch,
1992). The man's use of power and control affects more than his relationship with his partner. It
also affects other relationships within the family.
When Dick was born he was in the hospital for five and a half weeks because he was
seven weeks early and we couldn't actually take him home, but anyway's, urn, and I had
to beg him to come down to the hospital to see - and I spent all my time down there
because it was like he [Dick] was a piece of me for seven months and then all of a sudden
he wasn't there but I didn't get to take him home my baby, it was a hard time (in hushed
tones). And like he wasn't there for me he wasn't there to see his kid still .... Anyway he
left before Dick's first birthday, he left and went to live with his brother and that was
kinda like go and come, go and come, kinda thing .. .... And when he last left and he was
gone and I accepted he was not coming back, the tension in our house melted and Dick
started to talk. Cause he hadn't really talked much before that and he started to calm
down and he wasn't so wired all the time and stuff like that.
Her description of her child as "a piece of me for seven months" conveys a sense of connection
that continues to grow and become a part of this woman's existence. Her partner's rejection of
the child is like a rejection of her. When he does return to the family, his abusive presence
becomes a source of danger not just for this woman but also for the child, and this child begins
learning to "walk on egg shells" too . Because of a woman's primary caretaking role, her wellbeing is intrinsically linked with that of her child. Her sense of safety and resulting contentment

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would both affect and be affected by her child' s reaction to the abuse.
This woman voiced her concern that the messages she was giving her daughter about
relationships was wrong.
Yeah, I not only have myself to worry about but I have my daughter too and I don't want
her thinking - growing up thinking that, you know, that's the way, you know I mean .. ..
that's the way a relationship should be because even though, I mean, I consider myself
intelligent enough to know that that's not the way women are supposed to be treated but
yet at the same time I've allowed it to happen though I don' t want her- you know, she
know's that it's not right.. .but I'm afraid that when she's a teenager, you know like, if
she falls in love with somebody, you know, then the same thing, you know, she might let
it slide for awhile too instead of saying right away at the start saying no, this isn' t right."
This quote describes this woman's concern that her daughter will learn to be a victim. She
recognizes that the family is one of the most important contexts in which children learn their
social roles. She believes that her daughter is learning that violence against women is acceptable.
A mother's relationship with her daughter is one in which a child learns about what it means to
be a woman, how to treat others, particularly their partners, and about how the world should
work. For young women growing up in an abusive home and watching the power inequity
between her mother and partner, this means they will learn that abuse can be tolerated. For sons
growing up watching this abusive relationship, they learn what it means to be a man, how to treat
women and how their world should work.
As mothers, women realize that the mother-daughter bond is an important one for
establishing future relationships. These women's relationships to their daughters appeared filled
with regrets and worry about the negative impact of living with an abusive man.
I know I can't go back to doing it again because its going to take too long [for him to
change] and in the meantime and in the meantime, its going to have too much of a
detrimental effect on me and my daughter and on- like on both of our lives separately and
on our relationship too .
My daughters heard all this. Till this day I promise my daughters, this my girls - this is

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never gonna happen again. Ah, .. the things I've done.
It is this concern and regret that demonstrates the extent to which women may feel blamed by

their children for their subordination to the violent man. If as previously stated, woman's identity
is defined by her relationships, then her healthy relationship to her children becomes a paramount
ISSUe.

She said, you know mom, I know you really really love him and she said I know how sad
you are and she said, he isn't good for you. Look at all the times he made you cry and
everything you've gone through- she said you know you should leave him, get a divorce.
I know it would be really hard but she said, it'll get easier as time goes on and I'll be here
foryouMom.
This unstated, but ever present criticism, places pressure on women who may feel helpless to act.
This contributes to their already low self-esteem and can further immobilize them for change. On
the other hand it can often be a motivator for abused women to make changes for the
generations of women to come and specifically for a better life for their own children.
Recognizing that the weight of the responsibility for how a child is socialized does not rest
entirely on the shoulders of the mother, we must ask how as a society we continue to give young
women the message that her world is defined by her relationships. One such area of note
described by these women is the involvement ofthe ' system' in their lives.

4 .. The Role of the ' System'
The ' system' was a term used by the participants to describe the justice system composed
of police, judges, probation officers and the men's treatment group itself When women finally
call the police for help, they are refusing to accept any further tyranny from their partners. It is
their attempt to change the oppression. Most of their sense of protection however, stems from
the system's intervention and its judicial control over their partner. A sense of safety did not

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appear to be derived from the men's treatment group effectiveness in creating change in their
partners, or their faith in their own ability to change the situation. While there appeared to be an
ambivalent reaction to this entity known as 'the system', so far removed from their day-to-day
experience, police and court intervention nonetheless directly affected the quality of safety in
these women's lives.
He got four months, so he did three - three months, something about four months - and
while he was there there was nothing for him there ....I looked into what they've got for
men out there - totally -nothing ............. What do they got. These men only got like two ,
three months - that's still a lot of time for them to get something in here to help them and
he told - and when he came out, there was nothing in there - there was nothing in there there was nothing in there for him. He says, it didn't mean nothing. Uh, he got ordered to
see his probation officer and I said, Listen I says, here's this Judge that puts my husband
in your hands and whatever you say he has to do and I says, these are the things that I
would like to recommend but she never listened to me, never listened to me. I said, once
a month for my husband to go to a spousal assault, that's p _ all, it doesn't do
nothing ....... Cause I got angry and I said f _ the system. F_ it. I'll go back and I'll go
do what I can do for myself That is the attitude I have and I told that to the Probation
Officer and I says, you guys are not doin' nothin'. Oh, well our hands are full, our load is
too big.
The frustration and anger at the legal system' s inability to listen to her concerns were obvious.
This woman knows her husband and feels that once a month in an assaultive men's group is not
going to make her life safer. She seems to be struggling to find solutions, yet no one listened.
She was not included in the process of determining effective intervention and her opinion was
not valued in her attempts to create safety for herself She was clearly saying that what they had
to offer would not work, yet she received only excuses and a marginal intervention plan. This
woman believes that the power of the government to intervene on her behalf and provide her
with more than token assistance is not being used. Her faith in the ability of the system to protect
her was diminished. The probation officer's statement "our load is too big" shows that this
woman' s dilemma is not an individual one. It is shared by front line workers who attempt to

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address this crime. Their job is to deal with the question of deterrence from crime and not the
long term issue of personal growth and change.
In spite of this, the fact that their partners have been charged gives women a certain
degree of safety and short term ability to protect themselves from the physical abuse. These
women believe that fear ofbeing charged is a strong deterrent, yet they are given no voice in the
structure that determines what happens after that deterrent is imposed.
Before I was scared, always scared. Now I call the police, he knows that. He takes a time
out.
He came back and he apologized and I said, listen, maybe you got away with it this time.
The reason you got away with it is cause you' re on Probation, I said cause of the first
time you beat me up- next time you touch me, I don't care, I says, you better not touch
me again. Next time, I will call the police.
These women had no recourse for threats of post-group violence. The only defence they were
able to utilize was to threaten back, using the power of the court system to prevent danger and
enforce safety.
I said, you touch me one more time and you' re not gonna get away with anymore hitting
me because I'm gonna report you. I says, no one other person- no one's ever allowed to
hit another person.
Even though all the participants partners had completed the court-ordered treatment program,
the immediacy of violence and abuse was still present in their accounts of their experiences.
But he didn' t learn anything but, ifl hit her, I could go to jail. He didn't learn that it was
wrong to hit me, he didn't learn how to control his temper, he didn't learn anything in
fact, he did hit me a couple of times afterwards. The one time, the last time, which was
like pretty much what ended it, he had his hands around my neck and he was pounding
my head into the arm of the couch ... .and he was calling me all kinds of names and he
wanted me dead at that point, he told me that and I believed he was going to kill me.
Nothing could be more obvious than this description of the failure of the group intervention to
change this man' s behavior or attitude. His abuse did not become more psychological, it became

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more desperately physical. This woman' s safety was in no way assured or even improved by his
attendance at an abusive men' s group. While this description indicates this man' s ability to take
her life, it also describes an actual attempt to do so and her inability to prevent that. Clearly, this
incident demonstrates there has been no increase in physical or emotional safety for her. This
description of the post-group relationship shows that "successful" completion of groups for
assaultive men did not consider success in terms ofthis woman' s safety.
These women spoke of the violence and abuse, both physical and psychological, as it was
occurring post-group and as an active presence in their lives today. They voiced direct
perceptions as to whether the group was effective in changing the abuse in their lives.
And he had to take the sixteen week counselling but I find that -that didn't work because
he was angry. He was always angry. Like the course would start Tuesday night. He
would start getting angry Monday night and say, I have to go to this f_ing thing
because ofyou. He's be angry Monday night, he' d be angry Tuesday, he'd be angry
before he left, he'd be angry when he came home and he wouldn't be alright againusually until about Wednesday morning and then something else would come up, you
know? ... .. Yeah, and the group facilitator confirmed that and so did his probation officer.
Right, like he never learned nothing in that group .. .all Ted learned is if he hit' s me he
could go to jail.
These descriptions of daily life for women, suggest that men are not victims of a
dysfunction which prevents them from controlling their ability to be violent. This man was able to
control his anger when he wish to, beginning to get angry the day before group and ending the
day after or in the case of the other man, being able to stop hitting if it means jail.
One concern voiced by all women participants, regarding the lack of change in their
partners, was that mandatory attendance at these groups was not effective in stopping violence.
Urn, I said, the Judge put my husband in your hands, whatever you say he has to do and
can you please make an appointment for him to go see Mental Health so that he can have
one-to-one counselling. That's what these men need. People need to know where they' re
coming from. Oh, well, he' s going to a group -one in here- there' s a whole bunch of men

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in there. And I said, that's no good, it's not doing anything. Even himself said, hon, I
never learn anything, everybody sleeps there. It has to be up to the man, he's got to want
to change.
When even the abused woman is able to recognize that the group intervention is
ineffective, the system is unresponsive to that statement of ineffectiveness. The group then
becomes a means to maintain the status quo, whether successful or not. Men benefit by staying
out of jail and the community benefits by having a solution in place to refer to. Men's dominance
stays intact and society is assured that the family institution is maintained.
Given that the perceived mandate of groups is to provide safety for women and change men's
abusive behaviors, it is interesting that the women are saying that their partners did not learn
anything and little has changed. This statement seems to suggest that women accept the notion
that men's groups work for most men, simply because they have seen them work for some men.
This suggests that women feel their partner's failure is the exception. Women accept the same
belief that courts, funding agencies and general society have accepted, namely that the groups
generally do work. These women describe groups which didn't work for them. This belief that
they are the exception, further isolates these women. This isolation reinforces their belief that
they themselves are responsible for their partner's failure to change.
If he gets into trouble, if something bad happens cause I didn't take him back, I hope that
I'm not going to feel guilty or responsible .. .! know I'm going to but I'm going to have to
deal with it.
Many women stay because they believe the group treatment intervention, supported by
the system, is an alternative they should try in order to effect change in their partners and
because they were hopeful. They had been reassured that treatment would be successful.
That's why I hung on because I really thought - see they had said that they had had a lot
of success with men that were like Robert. That, urn, that they had a lot - well a lot of

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success in the group with men like him and - and that gave me hope and I thought okay,
well, I'm married, I've made a commitment, you know, I'm gonna try and I thought
okay, well, I'll give him that sixteen weeks and see ifl see a difference and than at the
end of September, you know, we'll see what happens.
Yeah, I thought a light bulb would go on. I really thought that if he got there in a group
with other men, I mean, because I know myself when I went into those - that group, you
know, it triggered the light bulb going on for me a couple of times, you know.
These two quotes describe the illusion of hope discussed in the literature (Gondolf , 198 7;
Holmes & Lundy, 1990), and is perhaps the greatest danger of depending on groups as an
intervention tool for eliminating violence against women. Women want to stay and are constantly
looking for ways that will help them maintain their relationships and yet stay safe. Groups offer
. them a possible solution but obviously not one that can be consistently relied on to provide the
safety that they require. The concept of safety is discussed at length in the next theme.

5. Safety
This theme of safety, encompassed four sub-themes in which women described their lived
experience of safety. These include unpredictability and the presence of danger, actual incidents
of abuse, the use of drugs and alcohol and provoking violence. This concept of safety is most
closely related to the central phenomenon described by all participants as "walking on eggshells" .

Unpredictability and the presence of danger
The fact that all participants felt that they were still 'walking on egg shells' despite the
attendance of their partners in treatment suggests that the climate of unpredictability still exists
for these women. They remain hyper-vigilant, monitoring warning signs such as physical or

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emotional changes. In order to predict danger, women feel they are required to stay close to their
partners, paradoxically placing them at greater risk of danger. Women found that this was
necessary, however, to monitor change of voice, eyes, facial expressions or physical manners.
I could see it, the way his eyes go. The facial expression, he just gets that- his whole face
just goes tense and he's just, you know, like that (scrunches up her fingers and hands to
suggest tense and tight).
In addition, women anticipated trigger events; situations, words or people that would set off the
anger and abuse.
He still does what he wants, keeps watching T.V. ifhe wants to. He is still only involved
when he feels like it. If he is upset or mad we just stay away from him, I keep the kids
away. You have to really watch.
This indicates that the woman is always attempting to predict when there may be a presence of
danger.
Women continue to respond to actual or potential threats of escalating violence. The
following exemplifies the time consuming and labourious task of 'walking on egg shells' to
ensure one's own safety and that of her children.
But at the same time I'm always watching myself I'm always watching him. Urn, the
things I'm watching for now is, urn, ifl find that he is going to go drinking, I'll go home
and pack my little bag, get my daughter. I'll go stay at Elizabeth Fry. But ifl find that he
is drinking, it seems like that I'm watching for him when I know that he's out there.
These behaviors of monitoring and anticipating are attempts to foresee the unpredictable nature
of their partners and the presence of danger.

Actual incidents of abuse
Previous attempts by the women to anticipate and predict violence had failed . In fact,
women reported feeling that violence was inevitable despite their efforts. Ultimately their

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partners resorted to the strongest and most life threatening form of abuse, physical violence, as
the following statement cogently illustrates
I said, leave me alone. I said, get out of here. I told him that and I knew - I can see it in
his eyes and he grabs a hold of me and then he start beating me and he grabbed me by the
hair and he threw me on the floor and it was the most humiliating thing that ever
happened to me that he - he really beat me - started kicking me , was in the hallway in the
- in our trailer and there was the washer and dryer there - it was narrow so he could get a
hold of my face. First time - when he first time when he hit me and he did this to me here
(motions to her cheek bones). I wasn't gonna let him hit me on my face. Uh, he kept on
trying to get me. I just laid down there, I kinda hold on to the door and I let him kick me.
He just kept on kicking me, booting me until he couldn't kick me anymore and somehow
I went sideways and he kicked me in my ribs, and I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for
air. I think that's when he finally stopped because I couldn't breathe. I was just (gasping
breathing noise) I was going like that and I couldn't breathe. I got scared myself and I
jump up and I go (gasping breathing noise). I was going like this and he says, what the
heck is wrong with you bitch! He says and he followed me to the bathroom.
This description of the before-group relationship shows that women were not able to ensure their
own physical safety. Post-group, men' s control was maintained mainly through the use of threats
to physical safety with actual incidents of physical abuse reduced though not eliminated. Having
proved that he could physically injure her in the past, as this quote indicates, threats and subtle
allusions to violence were enough to convince the woman that the potential for abuse was still
present, however the men' s fears ofbeing charged and returning to jail often acted as a deterrent
to the acceleration of threats into full blown assaults. This reduction of physical violence
produced the often mentioned side effect of treatment, namely increased psychological abuse.
What I'm trying to put a stop to is the verbal and mental abuse now. It' s gotten worse if
anything. Now that he knows he could go to jail for hitting me again, its worse. Ah, He
told me, he said, I'm not gonna f_ing go to jail for any woman.
It's like I should be seen and not heard type of thing. Ah, he' s ah, very verbally abusive. I
am a cunt and a bitch and you know ... A lot ofverbal abuse. And that was always the
main thing of our relationship too was verbal and emotional abuse - very manipulative.
This describes her feeling that her partner wished her to be a nonentity and to be non-existent,

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juxtaposed with his belief that her role was to cook, clean and provide for his needs. Despite this
myriad of tasks, he did not want to give her a voice in their lives. For women, this psychological
abuse means that they are living in a context of continuing violence which creates an environment
of fear. This form ofviolence is above the law, so the woman has no recourse to prevent this
form of control.

Alcohol and Drugs
A further theme within the larger category of safety is the use of drugs and alcohol, or
both, by the women's partners as a recurrent sign of the presence of danger. This was commonly
shared by all participants. The abuse of these substances was seen by the women as a main
reason for the violence yet we know that alcohol, while often involved in violent incidents, does
not on its own cause male violence (Thorne-Finch, 1992). Drug or alcohol use, however, was a
source of considerable stress between the couples as the women noted the increased likelihood of
violence, with an increase in drug or alcohol use.
When he drank he was more abusive. He doesn't drink now, its been over a year and its
better, but I won't lay my life on it always being that way.
I said ... I want you to quit drinking, please quit drinking and things will be okay.
It is important to note that though alcohol and drug use are not the sole reason for violent
behavior, they can complicate and escalate the situation. These women I spoke with believed that
drugs and alcohol escalated the violence. Knowing this trigger provided them with a necessary
clue to anticipate the increased danger when their partner was abusing drugs or alcohol.
You know its not really life threatening, but it escalated ... And that' s the scarey thing that
you don' t know! And like at first I always said, no, no, no he wouldn' t do that, he
wouldn't do that but possibly with the alcohol and the drugs combined ... ..

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No, but he doesn't drink- hasn' t drank for one month. But during the breakup I know he
will again. So, I'm always - preparing myself for that.
On the other hand, incidents of violence were also described when alcohol and drug use
was not present which supports the idea that these women are aware that drinking is not the only
reason for the abuse .
... but there were times too when he wasn't drinking where he's driven the car or the
truck so close to me, like missed me by half an inch ...
This statement suggests that drinking was not the only time when her partner used intimidation
to remind her of his ability to determine her life and death, or at least her physical safety.
Substance abuse and use of alcohol were a universal condition warning women of increased
danger and potential violence. In all cases, their spouses were not required to attend concurrent
alcohol or substance abuse programs, even though every one of them reported substance and
alcohol abuse as a precipitating danger.

"Provoking" Violence
The fourth aspect of the safety theme was the very dangerous but sometimes necessary
skill a woman had of provoking the violence in order to have some control of the outcome. In
these cases women felt that the only means available to them to effect a safer climate was to
bring on the violence, and this way be better prepared for the abuse.
And what I do now is trick it off myself first before - sometime- its just - its just a habit I
got into with him - with me and him fighting and I know that for awhile we haven't
fought. I know that it's coming, I can feel it- the build-up. So, I say, okay what's your
problem? I'll say that, I'll say that- I'll say what the- what are you thinking of, why
aren't you talking. You know, I'll just.. ..
This woman' s description, speaks clearly ofher provocation to violence as a safety-oriented

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strategy used by women to defuse and maintain some degree of control and therefore safety in
the circumstances. That a simple act of requesting their partner's communication is seen as
provocative, shows how much both partners take the violence as inevitable. Yet, it can be seen
that what "provokes" is not in itself, an invitation to violence, it is an invitation to communicate.
The other element of provocation is the personality changes that women feel have
happened to them after living with the abuse for years. Women themselves become an element of
the abusive environment and react to aggression with behaviors out of character for them,
especially the use of aggression.
I never used to talk this way, I'd never say those words. But I'm spoken to like that all
the time, you hear that. Urn, when I'm not with him, I'm a very positive person. I try to
think positive even though that all these things are on me, man, you can lose that pretty
fast when you're around people like that and all you hear is f _ this and f_that.
I would never normally have said that. Like, in any of- either of my other relationships,
I've never ever even been angry or whatever, you know, you know how you can get you can have a screaming fight . I've never said something that rotten or hurtful, you
know. You may think something like that but you don't, you know, because once it's
said, you can't take it back. So you end up becoming a person who you would never
have been otherwise .
... he was the abuser and I mean, I, I hit him. I would strike out. After awhile it's like, I
may as well get one punch in 'cause I'm gonna get it anyways so, may as well have the
satisfaction of getting one punch in. Or, when he is like, pounding on me then you do
like, automatically react so, he's got scars on his face cause I scratched him. Yeah, but
the thing like, like the guy I've been with for two years, I've never even had the urge to
hit him or anything. Like, we've never even had heated words, Well, like disagreements,
like I said but. ...
These statements illustrate the women's common reactions to living with abuse. Each describes
her own violence, anger or use of verbal abuse as a reaction to living with their partner's
abusiveness. They see these behaviors as uncharacteristic, yet necessary to ensure their own
safety. These quotations suggest that women's violence is a reciprocated defence, existing only
within the context of the abusive relationship. They indicate that, 'when pushed to the wall' and

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if, "I'm gonna get it anyways", these women will strike out as a rudimentary survival tactic.
These phenomena are a part of the much-debated issue of violent women. The fact that women
provoke or use violence is used against them by people interested in a gender-neutral perspective
(Giles-Sims, 1983). What is not discussed is the reasons for that provocation and the gender
context inherent in this issue.
Male partners argue that women provoke the violence, therefore, they deserve it. One
woman described a television show in which a woman was arrested for a traffic violation and
was physically abused by the police officer.
And Sam' s lying there in bed with me as we're watching this and he says, yeah, just shut
your mouth [speaking to the t.v.], she's a stupid woman, you know. Geez, what a stupid
bitch, right? Talking like this, eh? I said, don't talk like that. I said, you know I don' t like
it. Look at the way he is treating her. He said, well, she's asking for it.
These comments by her male partner had a powerful impact on this woman. It was then that she
realized that not only had his behavior not changed but that his basic belief about women was
misogynistic.
My back was up, like the hair on my head rose and everything and just like, whoa and I
mean, I think he realized he had done something wrong but he was so defensive and
everything about it. And that's the way he is. And that's a deep down inside thing. That's
his - yeah, that's his belief
This man's deeply rooted belief in a woman's worthlessness is a shocking testimony to
the ineffectiveness of his treatment group. To change such a deeply embedded beliefwill require
more than the forty-eight hours of group work he completed. Effective change can not occur
unless the beliefs that support, maintain and justify abusiveness are changed. Fundamental to
effective change for abusive men is the ability to take responsibility rather than getting defensive.

It would require that her partner acknowledge that the responsibility to change his abusive
behavior is his and not hers.

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The 'Exception'
In contrast to the other participants one woman interviewed described her day-to-day experience
as
Oh, 100% better, definitely, he's so different now- you're not afraid to be around him,
he, we communicate, we actually talk without fighting.
This suggests that the treatment program was so effective that her life is completely changed and
there is no longer any evidence of violence or control. Yet as I conducted this interview I was
struck by a number of aspects that left me feeling confused. There was no negative information
here. This woman's life had changed completely. Her 'glowing' terms were unusual and
suggested that there was not only nothing left to change but that there were no conflicts. Her
husband had not only made some positive changes but he had changed altogether.
The absence of any negative information caused me to spectulate whether this woman
was in denial. Not surprisingly, she had questioned this, asking herself,
Okay, am I blind- has he really not changed and I'm just thinking- he has, but he has. I
think it' s so weird.
In further discussion, this woman described her husband's work schedule and their living
arrangements as very occupied.
And now he talks to his boss when he's upset or before he gets upset he tells him that
something' s bothering him and that's so nice too ... he works six days a week. He works
like ten, twelve hour shifts every day. So he works hard.
This overwork and absence could be his strategies to avoid abusiveness. By investing his time
and energy in paid work he maybe avoiding the stresses of everyday family life. Regardless
however, she appears to be satisfied with this arrangement.
She described a mother and a sister and a friend that were all in actively abusive

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relationships. Relatively speaking her relationship had not been as physically dangerous as theirs.
She had coping strategies which indicate her ability to avoid the anger of her husband and
perhaps speak to the level of danger she was in.
You know if he was upset or something I would take the kids and go for a walk, or I
would just, I don't know it was just very protective of them, I still am.
The fact that she was unrestricted to leave the house, with the children, and go for a walk
suggests that the level of danger and control was perhaps not quite so acute and that use of this
type of coping strategy was sufficient to defuse a potential argument.
According to this participant her husband no longer controlled her and he now "allowed"
her freedoms previously denied. What was determined to be a new freedom to her however, may
have been considered unremarkable for many.
For years I never went anywhere in the sense of a holiday. And in the last two years I've
been away - how many- four times I've gone away on my own. I went to my sister's. I
went to a wedding. I've been all over the place. Out of town for a week at a time to visit
my sisters.
This freedom to visit family members suggests that after years ofbeing denied the opportunity to
even visit family, she views this "allowance" as generous. She is now allowed to go alone on her
holidays to family, but her husband had requested to come to the interview with her "to tell me
what he thought about the group". This does not necessarily suggest a man who is able to allow
his partner indiscriminate freedoms. The possibility exists that there is a more subtle form of
control present in his request to speak to me.
Her description of safety was not defined as the presence of something positive as much
as it was defined as the absence of something negative but even this lacked substantial details.
You know, and I think you both gotta want it or you know, I keep asking myself
like .. .how did I just all of a sudden decide [that the relationship was better], like you
know, you just know I guess, and just, I don't know.

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I sensed that there may have been more, but ethically I did not want to push the issue and open
up an area which may require ongoing healing. In the time frame of the interview and my
research I could not provide this individual with the support to look carefully at her partner's
'complete' change.
After years of marriage it is possible that her desperation to have the 'normal family' she
talked about, contrived to keep her in denial about other abuses. As this next quote indicates, she
was unable to participate in the rescue from her own home, relying on a neighbour to determine
the unacceptability of his abuse. Even during the violence she was not able to acknowledge the
necessity of breaking the denial that her life was not ideal .
... after I went to the neighbours and they called them [police] actually ifl remember, but
that is something I would never have done, I'd never have told anybody, that this was
happening in our house, Oh no, never!
This denial is characteristic of abused women and this firm belief that her life was going to be
okay and not a tragedy like her mother's, appears to have held her in the relationship long after
other determined it was not safe.
I have chosen to discuss this participant as the exception because she describes herself in
this way. Our society currently chooses to believe that this woman's description of her life after
her partner's treatment is the norm. My research shows it is an exception and even this
participant acknowledges this. "Like I said, I think we are the lucky ones, the exception .. .".

If this woman is indeed the exception, then the implication is that groups, as a form of effective
treatment, are offering false hope to most women who rely on this intervention to assure then of
safety.
Similar to the other participants, this woman felt very strongly that men have got to want
to change before the groups will be successful. She acknowledged that her partner was

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motivated by the possible loss of his family.
Today, we talked for about an hour, he said, you have to want to change, he wanted that.
And he said you have to figure out what is important in your life and he said he realized
what he could have lost, what he was doing was wrong - how he could change it, how he
could deal with his emotions, his anger.
Originally I accepted this woman's information as the picture that those of us working in the field
have all been waiting to hear. I wanted to accept this description at face value but after puzzled
reflection I realized this information was an anomaly. The excessively positive outcome clashes
so strongly with the other participants statements that I was felt it credible to present this as the
exception and attempt to describe what she experienced that lead me to these conclusions. The
following remark could indicate that it is primarily her perception of herself as no 'quitter' and
her situation as 'not like her Mom's', that she experienced an acceptable level of safety.
Cause it worked for us, you know, and we were so happy that it did work, you know,
and I think, wow this is so strange. Like people can change and it helped, you know. It
saved our marriage, our family. Like, I- I've never been a quitter. I always think I'm not
stupid. I'm not gonna be my Mom. Can' t have blinders on you know- I want to work
this out. You know we can't expect the men to change without thinking, okay - I mean, I
always think you can't blame them -like, living in the past, pointing fingers, like, are you
gonna hit me again, like, whatever, you can't constantly keep bringing it up either or he's
gonna think, oh I tried and I tried and your gonna keep throwing it in my face.
This woman' s strong need to achieve happiness and be seen to be in a happy and safe
marriage may have lead to her viewing any changes as effective. Her strong belief in her ability to
"not be a quitter", may have resulted in her acceptance of any change as desirable. Her
socialization of viewing men as victims described in her comment, "I feel sorry for men", and her
willingness to absolve them for their minor transgressions, leads me to conclude that there was
more to this interview than could be addressed in this thesis process.

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Summary
Communication between researcher and participant can be constructed through the use of
metaphorical imagery or a metaphor. This is the use of figurative language to convey an image
that is thought to be a shared image. It reduces two terms to their shared characteristics and
allows the communicators to share understanding (Coffey & Atkinson, 1996). As previously
mentioned, abused women used the metaphor of "walking on egg shells" a theme recurrent in
the literature (Langford, 1994) and a theme they assumed I understood because I am a woman
and counsellor. Despite the fact that these women's partners were or had been in group
treatment, all participants expressed the experience of still "walking on egg shells" because the
unpredictability of their partners actions was still present in their lives. The threat of danger and
lack of sense of safety were still experienced in varying degrees. Women came to believe that the
intervention of a group was ineffective based largely on their continuing experience of "walking
on eggshells". Although their experiences differed, each participant was able to articulate a range
of dangerous episodes that reinforced the daily reality of unpredictable danger.
For some women that danger was a physical reality. In some cases 'walking on eggshells'
was experienced as the perception of danger based on past incidents with their partner. For
others, that danger went beyond the physical violence experienced in a relationship and extended
to their children caught in access conflicts. These women engaged in specific 'work' to stay in
their relationships and to ensure their own safety. They provoked the violence, accepted the
responsibility for the abuse, struggled with guilt and acted to empower themselves. They also
relied on the 'system' to protect them and yet acknowledged that the 'system' did not consider
their need for changes to their partners.

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Documentary Data
Supporting Information
A significant source of data which was accessed during the period of my information
collection was a meeting for agencies and individuals bidding on the court-ordered treatment
program for spousal assault in Prince George. While these committed probation officers were
attempting to be effective and creative with the limited dollars provided by their Ministry, they
were unable to avoid the reality that funds were extremely limited and expectations were higher
than with the previous contract.
The document, "Guiding Principles for Service in British Columbia. Wife Assault
Intervention: Programs for Men" (Bell, Browning & Hamilton, 1992) is the standard expected of
all contracting resources. Based on my research however, I believe that there are two areas in
this document that could improve with regard to women's safety. One is its cursory attention to
the definition of safety for women. Though the document does recognize a continuum of
violence and the need to broaden the goals of treatment, it leaves the decision to individual
treatment providers to determine what they will address beyond physical violence. It also states
that "The service is indirectly aimed at achieving safety for women and children... "(l992, p.6),
and in providing that indirect service, it stipulates that provision of supportive counselling, for
women, or referral to such counselling should be undertaken but again is not a required
condition. This leaves room for arbitrary decisions regarding contact with women. As well,
ongoing contact with the women is required for intake assessment purposes only. This
document does not clearly state who will monitor the maintenance of women's safety nor how
that safety will be determined on an ongoing basis. Discretionary loopholes are evident in these
principles.

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The second area of concern pertains to program evaluations. These principles stipulate
that all programs need to be able to monitor their effectiveness in an ongoing fashion, yet they
fail to consider several key points. The first is that with very limited funds contracting services
will be unable and unwilling to evaluate their individual program beyond the required self-reports
by abusers and facilitators. This is in spite of the fact that we know that men, when asked
directly, under-report their levels offrequency ofviolence (Thome- Finch, 1992). Secondly, the
principles also call for standardized evaluation formats, many of which fail to realistically
consider the lived experience ofwomen (Straus, 1990). Third, evaluations that are done
demonstrate to some extent the effectiveness of that particular group and is not generalizable to
other groups due to the diversity of treatment approaches and lack of a standardized format . The
reality is that a standardized evaluation has not been developed which qualitatively describes the
day-to-day realities of group effectiveness from the experience of women partners. Finally, these
principles are guidelines only and not considered rigid rules. Variations of the guiding principles
are to be monitored by the contracting government service, at their discretion. With limited funds
and a greater demand for direct service to offenders, who will ensure that women are considered
safe? Who will define that safety and who will continue to dialogue with the women, post-group,
to ensure their lives are safe? A combination of the government's reliance on this document and
the limited funds for provision of treatment groups, leaves the individual probation officers at a
disadvantage to ensure the provision of quality and effective groups.

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CHAPTER FOUR
Conclusions and Future Research

In a federally funded document, Wife Battering and the Web ofHope (1989), a question
was posed which appears to have been left unanswered despite eighteen years of accelerated
growth in men's treatment groups. MacLeod (1989) asks whether or not " ...the woman' s faith in
such groups prolong her own process of finding ways to stop or escape the violence, by giving
credibility to her hope that the man might change"(p.49). This was not the first time that this
concern has been voiced nor is it the last. Others have stated this same concern in various ways
and my research results reinforce this key theme. I found that these women remained in
dangerous relationships in the hope that treatment would end the violence. As well, it became
clear that the men' s abuse programs were falsely perceived to assure these women of their safety.
Participation in groups is perceived as a sign that the abuse was being addressed. My research
determined that women do put their faith in treatment groups to provide safety. It also
established that women work hard to stay safe and maintain the relationship of the family.
Whether or not these factors combine to prolong women's process of leaving or stopping the
abuse is not as clear. We have still failed to find an adequate answer.
In an attempt to further explicate this question, I proceeded with this research with a
number of goals. First, I wanted to elucidate women' s experience of "staying" . I feel that the best
way to validate that experience is to give voice to it, if for no other reason than for women to
feel that they have been heard and understood.
Second, I did this for myself, because as a past facilitator of men' s treatment groups, I
questioned the effectiveness of the group treatment interventions. In my view, well meaning

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people or agencies that continue.to provide groups for men without the knowledge ofthe
experience for each individual women are operating with only part of the necessary information.
All treatment programs must have ongoing contact, from assessment through to longitudinal
follow-up evaluations with the female partners of these men, if real effectiveness and safety for
women are to be realized. Qualitative and quantitative evaluations of groups should be a
mandatory requirement for anyone contracting with government to provide services. Though
these alone will not ensure safety for women, they will directly inform the facilitators and
sponsoring agencies about the level of safety for women that their group provides.
Thirdly, as a feminist social worker, I have a commitment to work towards the
elimination of oppression. "Research with disempowered groups on a value laden topic such as
violence against women is not only a scientific endeavour it is also an ethical and political act"
(Hoff, 1990, p.252). It is the political nature of this endeavour that gives meaning to my
academic exercise.
I have undertaken this thesis with the intent of opening up the discourse on woman abuse
specifically on the effectiveness of men's treatment groups as seen through the eyes of women.
The social discourse about treatment groups should not become stagnant. Definitions,
measurements, research methodologies, perceptions and responses change over time and are
affected by social context such as government ideology or political action. It would appear
however that the discourse about group effectiveness and women's role in determining that
effectiveness is resistant to radical change. It would appear that the current discourse has not
varied in a way that challenges the fundamental tradition of 'family violence' towards including a
revised concept of treatment as inclusive ofwomen' s lived experience.
The provision of men' s treatment groups is one solution that at first appears to be able to

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meet both requirements ofwomen' s safety and of maintaining a family, however, I am suggesting
that, in fact, it does not generally meet the requirement ofkeeping women safer. It meets the
requirement of keeping families together and of maintaining the status quo but at cost to the
women who stay. The lack of open discourse around safety does not benefit the women who
choose to stay or who ultimately may choose to leave. Perhaps one of the reasons why we
cannot seem to revise the discourse and provide women with a solution which gives them a
greater sense and experience of safety is because such a situation would conflict with the need to
keep families together. This latter is a fundamental element of social tradition which is not open
to exploring alternative forms of the definition of "family" .
Who benefits from the promotion of group treatment as a means of providing safety for
women from woman abuse? This is a fundamental feminist question. The results of the data I
analysed suggest that these women did not necessarily benefit.
My findings indicate the need to review current treatment options for assaultive men. We
appear to have only one part ofthe picture necessary to ensure safety for women. Because men's
treatment for abusive behaviors is a relatively new field of study, we must continually be adding
to the body of knowledge regarding effectiveness of groups. My work adds to the ever-growing
body of research into eliminating the oppression and abuse of women.
In reviewing this research one might ask how these post-treatment experiences are
different than those found in other studies that have examined the experience of abused women.
The disturbing reality is that they are not different, the quality of life has not changed, these
women are "still walking on egg shells".

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Future Research
In moving from research to action as a method of feminist research, my goal was to
widen the discourse on the effectiveness of treatment groups. My hope is that in hearing from the
women who stay in relationships after these groups, researchers will begin to actively include
women in the research process of determining group effectiveness. In 1989, the Federal
Government discussion paper Changing the Landscape, reviewed the progress, dilemmas and
visions of preventing wife battering. It stated that research should be undertaken to look at the
long-term problems and experiences ofwomen who made different choices (McLeod, 1989).
Women who chose to stay in their relationship when their partners have completed group
treatment are one such group of women. My research has attempted to provide a voice for these
women and an opportunity for those who provide services to abusive men to hear what women
who stay are saying. This piece of the larger picture is necessary for treatment providers to
ensure that group process is not being enacted which is ignorant ofwomen's experience.
(Holmes and Lundy, 1990).
Men's beliefthat they can control women and that they are entitled to dominate and force
women to remain oppressed must be addressed in every treatment approach currently utilized
across North America today. "We must ensure that programs like ours do not become another
specialization that encourages our society to view violence as a matter of individual pathology
rather than addressing what is in fact a problem of patriarchy and men' s power over women in all
spheres oflife" (Holmes and Lundy, 1990, p. 17). We cannot reduce violence to an individual
level, nor can we create change by addressing only the relationship. We must address the
violence directly as a societal problem. We must consult with women about the many areas of
their lives where we can begin to make structural changes to structural oppression and the

Still walking on egg shells 104
resulting violence.
The process of this thesis has been both an exercise in comprehensively educating myself
in the area of woman abuse as well as an attempt to hear women' s voices. In hearing the
description of these women's lives post treatment group I have attempted to create more
questions around the issue of oppression in order to further education and social action. Perhaps,
it will also lead to a process of reflection on the part of people involved in providing services to
men and women around woman abuse. It is this reflection that I hope begins to "push men to
uncover, analyse and transform their patriarchal attitudes and practices" (Maguire, 1987, p.72).
Further qualitative research that asks questions pertaining to the day-to-day world of staying
after abuse treatment as well as further studies on the 'work' of women who stay in an abusive
relationship are needed.
Russell (1995) recommends, "Greater use of qualitative measures to assess the impact of
various assaultive men' s treatment programs on female partners"(p.45). Qualitative measures
could begin to address the concern that the definition of safety for women is too narrow. It
could also begin to define the quality of life changes which men' s treatment groups are assumed
to provide.
Each ofthe participants I interviewed spoke of the aspect that the men must want to
change before any help is effective. This consideration leads to the question, what factors
contribute to an abusive man' s desire to change? What motivates him both individually and
socially? This area needs further examination, as the effectiveness of group treatment
intervention may be determined by these factors.
The implications of my research for social workers are more structural in nature. My
research supports the concept that the oppression of women is primarily a societal construct so

Still walking on egg shells 105
the solutions are to be found in societal change. This does not mean however, that the individual
women can be ignored. Human services workers who allow women to bear the full burden of
responsibility for this abuse, who continue to ask why she stays and who place further
responsibilities on her to protect herself, do not understand the societal nature of woman abuse.
Instead we must begin asking men why they abuse and hold them accountable for that abuse.
Social workers who try to change the women instead of the situation in which they are trapped
appear to support a reductionist view of abuse. Social workers who avoid political change and
instead work solely at referring women to therapy and welfare instead of working to change the
institutions that hold them oppressed, are themselves enforcing oppression. Both approaches are
needed. The central task of social workers who work with women is to increase women' s access
to opportunities, resources and the resulting rewards. This approach to social work begins to
address a balance of power and ultimately assists in freeing women from their oppressive
positions.
Several researchers have stated the need for outcome success to be measured by the
improvement in the context of the lives of abused women (Eisilovits and Edleson, 1989; Hart,
1988; Gondolf, 1987; Pence and Paymar, 1986). Hart (1992) states that "outcome investigations
have not measured women's reality as a measure oftreatment success to date" (p. E-4). My
research has been an attempt to correct this shortcoming. Further research measuring women' s
reality is needed.

Still walking on egg shells 106

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Still walking on egg shells 11 7

APPENDICES

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Appendix A
Letter of Introduction

Still walking on egg shells 119

LETTER TO PARTICIPANTS FOR IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW
I am writing this letter to ask if you would be interested in becoming apart of a research project
where I am studying the impact of men's treatment groups on the safety ofwomen who stay in
the relationship after their partner have completed treatment.
I have worked in men's treatment groups and with abused women for the past five years. I have
worked as a social worker, activist and counsellor in this community for over fifteen years. I am
very interested in knowing more from women about the quality of their lives now. I believe that
women's voices are not heard when it comes to evaluating how successful these groups are and I
require women who are willing to be heard.
This would entail a completely confidential in-depth interview. Your decision to participate in
this research would be completely voluntary and you will be free to withdraw at any time. Your
identity would be protected.

It is important to the research that : 1) your partner has completed a treatment group.
2) you are still with him or had stayed for a period of time
after wards.
3)you are prepared to seek support should the interview
process be a difficult one for you to handle
emotionally.
Ifyou wish to contact me, I am available by phone at 562-9217. Out oftown, you may call free
of charge by dialing 1-888-562-9217. There is an answering machine on this line and you can
leave a message with a false name for me to call you back. You may also contact either Diane
Nakamura at the Sexual Assault Center 564-8302 or Bev Zorn at Elizabeth Fry Society 5631113 and leave a message with them for me to contact you for an interview.
Should you have concerns about my research and wish to speak with the individual responsible
for University research you may contact Dr. W.R. Morrison, Dean of Research and Graduate
Studies by telephoning, 960-555 or toll free, 1-800-667-8622.
I would like to add that I understand that your safety level is of utmost concern. If for any reason
you feel that your personal safety would be jeopardized by your involvement with this program
then please, carefully reconsider your involvement.
Thank you,
Chris Leischner

Still walking on egg shells 120

Appendix B
Participant Information Card

Still walking on egg shells 121

Name:

Pseudonym:

Identifier Code:

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT CONTACTING:

Partner completed a treatment group?

When and Where?

Support systems for participant?

Physical Safety Plan in place?

Participant would like a copy of the following information:

***Information collected on file cards will be password protected in the researcher's computer
program.

Still walking on egg shells 122

APPENDIXC
Consent and Release Form

Still walking on egg shells 123

CONSENT TO PARTICIPATE IN INTERVIEW AND RELEASE FORM
I understand that I am being asked to participate in in-depth interviews about my experiences
with remaining in my relationship after my partner has completed treatment. I will be a part of
these interviews under the following conditions:
1. The interviewer has my permission to tape record and/or take notes during the interview,
however, I can stop the interview at any time and decide not to continue. I can also ask that
certain pieces of information not be recorded.
2. The interview tapes, transcripts, consent forms and any personal information will be kept by
the researcher in a secure and locked place. This information will be securely stored for a period
of two years during which time the researcher has my permission to use quotes in a planned
publication providing I am not named.
3. I will have the choice of reviewing the transcripts of the interview. At this time any new or
relevant information can be added or changed.
4. Chris Leischner will use the information from this interview for her thesis report,
presentations or publications. This may include the use oflengthy quotations from my interview.
I understand that every precaution will be taken to protect my identity but that it particulars and
incidents may appear familiar to someone who knows me.
5. I can contact Chris Leischner at any time and withdraw from the project.
Both the researcher and participant have discussed the above
conditions and agree to proceed with the interview.

Signature ofParticipant

Si nature of Researcher

Date

Date

Still walking on egg shells 124

AppendixD
Interview Guide

Still walking on egg shells 125
SAMPLE INTERVIEW GUIDE
•

Discuss the purpose of this research and the area we will cover

•

Discuss and sign consent form *N.B. confidentiality

•

Reach an agreement on participating in the research

•

Discuss any concerns/ questions/ conditions

RESEARCH QUESTIONS
Opening Question:
" Please tell me about your experience of living with your partner
since he has completed his treatment group?"
" How would you describe the level of safety for you in this
relationship?"
" How would you describe the quality of your life since you decided
to stay in the relationship?"
" Are you physically and mentally safe?"
" Do you believe that treatment has made a difference for you in
your day to day life?" "Can you give me examples?"
"Have you been involved in any 'healing' programs since he joined
the treatment group?" How did this come about and why did you
go for support or counselling?"
" What would you tell other women who are thinking of staying
with an abusive partner because he is going to attend group or is
in a group?
"Is there anything I haven't asked that you would like to discuss or
add?"
" Could you comment on this research process from your
experience of it?''

Still walking on egg shells 126
OPTIONAL: " Do you know of anyone else in a similar situation to your own that would be
willing to talk to me?''
•

Does this participant wish to review her transcript?

•

Any further questions/feedback/comments

•

Any special instructions for contacting this particpant.

•

NOTES:

Still walking on egg shells 127

Appendix E
Power and Control I Equity Wheel

Power and Control Wheel

Using Privilege

ECCtnDimiC

Treating her like a servant making aU the big decisions
- acting like the "master
of 1he cas1ie" - being
~
the one to define
men's and

Using culture as an excuse for
abuse, i.e. "in my culture it
is acceptable tD beat
your wife•

Spiritual

Abuse

Putting down her
beliefs, her values, her
WfiV of being in the wortd

Making her afraid by using
looks, actions, gestures smashing things destroying her
propeny - abusing
pets - displaying

weapons

Using
Family
Making her feel
guilty about the
children - using the
children tD relay messages
- using visitation to harass
her -thraataning to take 1he
grandchildren rtNBY

Adapted from : DOMESTIC ABUSE INTERVENTION PROJECJ, 206 West Fourth Strut, DuJuzh, MN. 55806

Wheel of Equality

Negotiation
and Fairness
Seeking mutually satisfying
resolutions to conflict
- accepting change
Economic
- being wHiing to
Partnership
compromise
Making money decisions
together - making sure both
partners benefit from financial
arrangements

Non-Threatening
Behaviour
Talking and acting so thm
she feels safe and
comfortable
expressing herself
Respect
and doing
Ustening to her nonthings
judgementally - being
emotionally affirming and
understanding - valuing opinions

Trust and Support

Shared Responsibility
Mutually agreeing on a fair
distribution of work - making
family decisions together

Supporting her goals in life respecting her right to her own
feelings, friends, activities
Honesty and
and opinions

Accountability

Sharing family
responsibilities - being a
positive non-violent role
model for others in the
family

Accepting responsibHity
for self - acknowledging
past use of violence admitting being wrong communicating openly
and truthfully