moded. They are all right for Gil-
bert and Sullivan opera but not for
police duty.”

These and many other forceful
arguments they advanced.

They scored a partial victory.

Over the wailing of the apostles
of tourism and the Little Bit of Eng-
landers the Police Commission agreed
with the men of the force.

The high hats were relegated for
the more universal regulation flat top.
The strangling collars were ordered
out for a collar that allowed police-
men to breathe. A less confining
tunic took the place of the old one.

WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS

But the Tourist Apostles won one
point.

Touched by their tears, the com-
mission made one concession.

A few of the “bobby” uniforms
were retained to back up the thou-
sands of pieces of tourist literature
‘featuring an English-type policeman.
They were worn by policemen on
duty at the C.P.R. depot and other
points where tourists congregate.

Everybody was happy for a time.

Except the men on duty on the
tourist lanes.

The fact that they were in the
minority made them feel more self-
conscious than ever.

Returning to the station, hot,
weary and tired from a day at the
docks, posing for tourists, listening
to comments such as “‘Oh! look at
the funny policeman,” they freely
gave vent to their irritation and re-
sentment.

“What are we,” they asked, ‘“‘men
- or mice? policemen or puppets, guard-
ians of the law or Hollywood gla-

NO TAKERS

A gangster gambler had ‘‘been
taken for a ride.’ The body was
found, and the funeral was largely
attended.

Out of the stillness at the grave-
side boomed the sonorous tones of
the preacher saying, “Our brother 1s
not dead, but sleepeth.”’

Came a voice from the back fringe
of the mourners, “I have a hundred
to say our brother is dead.”

IN A CORNER

SHE: “‘It’s impossible to live with
you.

He: “Then why don’t you die?”’

SHE: “Because you'd die with me.
They'd hang you.”

Page Twelve

mour boys, standing there to be
quizzed, stared at, photographed and
laughed at.

“Aye, and one woman even in-
sisted on throwing her arms around
me and kissing me while her husband
took movies.”

“That shouldn't be hard to take,”’
the latter comment drew from
younger members of the force but it
failed to assuage the resentment of
the policeman assigned to “‘tourist
attraction duty.”

YET ANOTHER BATTLE

Back to the Police Commission the
policemen carried the case. They
named their biggest and best verbal
warriors for the fray.

|

PS apa

“Helmets and choke collars must
go. It’s a must. No compromise. No
exceptions this time’’ was the gist of
an ultimatum couched in the most |
emphatic language the Brain albeit |
of the force could command.

They won the battle.
|

But to win a battle is not to win
a wart.

The tourist apostles came back
with bigger and better tears than they
had ever shed before in the fight to
retain a few bobbies for the tourists’
benefit.

At the time of writing the tourist
could still find an English bobby to
photograph at the Causeway.

But who knows? It may be
different again tomorrow.

—_

Alas, poor orick | | knew
hi

m loowell.

THE SHOULDER STRAP