Madame Andrew Bailey’s Predictions For Your Immediate Future Aries (The Charging Ram) March 21-April 19 All right so you got mad last week. You are currently in the stage of making sure everybody knows you're grumpy. You will use this bad mood as an excuse to not study for finals. You're going to need to hyperbolize what happened, easy consider- ing you've already blown it 8 times out of proportion. Lucky numbers: 11 Taurus (The Raging Bull) April 20- May 20 You will spend the week on the phone/internet making plans for Christmas break. You don’t need to study because you know mote than the prof does anyway in fact you could teach the course. Congratulations in advance for your straight C’s. Lucky numbers: 62, 65, 66. Gemini (Which Twin will you be this week?) May 21- June 20 By now you're panicking and cursing yourself for your course selection, What we're you thinking with these classes? Next semester will be better; you're in classes you know you'll like. Wait, now your thinking you better check what classes your in next semester. By next week you'll have withdrawn from all of them and replaced them with entirely different subjects. Lucky numbers: depends on what time it is so lets just take the aver- age and say 5. Cancer (‘The Frolicking Crab) June 21- July 22 You are too busy basking in the glory of Real World Jersey Shore to pay any attention to exams this week. Do people not realize how important these people are? There problems are serious and they obviously need your help solving them. Lucky numbers 103, Leo (‘The Lionheart) July 23- August 22 You are sure everyone is basking in the greatness you showed last week. Right now you are secretly studying but making sure everyone thinks you have spent the entire week partying and plan on winging the finals just cuz you can. Dont let anyone know how much work actually goes into seeming as relaxed as you do, You are the greatest, everyone knows it. Lucky Num- bers: The smile you were born with. Virgo (Virginity is a blessing) August 23- September 22 the last 3 months creating a carefully designed study schedule with every day mapped out and important parts highlighted, all you have to do is follow your schedule and you ill be fine. Except it’s a bit late for that now isn’t it? Oh well, at least you have a cool craft to enjoy. Lucky numbers: 5. Libra (For every decision a scale) September 23- October 22 You studied every chapter in every textbook you own this week but are still in a panic because you have no idea what questions will actually be asked on the test. Although you are totally prepared probably more so than anyone else in your Kali’s Killer Sudoku Challenge class you are probably the most nervous about the outcome. Settle down, put down the bottle of caffeine pills everything will be fine. Haha well until you read the words, Christmas shopping, HA! Now your instantly panicking about what you are going to get everyone for Christmas, you're welcome Libra. Lucky numbers: There's no time for lucky numbers! Scorpio (The Hot Blooded Scorpion) October 23- Nov- ember 21 The cold weather has put a damper on your jogging regiment and without that release you've been kinda psycho for the last week. My advice to you is eating a ton of falafel and spending your study time on your couch at home. Do not come to the school, there are people at the school and committing murder right before exam period is really going to hurt your chances at grad school. Lucky numbers: Seriously stay home. Sagittarius (The Spaced out Archer) November 22- De- cember 21 Your birthday has either happened or is coming up! (Yeah I'm that good at this) Happy birthday Sagittarius! I'd say good luck on exams but you couldn't care less about school at this point, you've already given up months for this school thing now its time for holiday cheer and birthday sex. People love you, you love people, and life is fantastic. Lucky numbers: Whatever sesame street's number of the day is. Yeah don't lie we all know you watch it. Capricorn (The Sprinting Goat) December 22- January 19 You have an entirely different set of friends to manipulate this week. With Christmas coming soon you are completely focused on getting invited to all the right parties. You will suc- ceed at getting invited but will have no fun since you will try to hard to impress people that you will miss the point of the holi- days altogether, oh well enjoy your penthouse, and the yacht you'll have bought by January. Lucky numbers: Whatever your bank account says. Aquarius (Someone's got to move the water) January 20- February 18 Only the lonely? More like only all the way to the bank. One is a fantastic number and two is a crowd. Ride on lone wolf spending all your time with yourself is the only way to guar- antee worthy company. Lucky Numbers- Luck is a whimsical man made phenomenon invented by merchants to maximize capital and has no relevant value. Pisces (Cuz Fish are Totally Interesting!) February 19- March 20 Jeez, you put the bottle down to read this? Pick it back up be- fore you remember exams are coming up and you haven't been to class yet. Try to stay in college as long as you can, the real world might not be ready to party with you yet. Lucky Num- bers: 26. December 9th, 2009 + Over the Edge Top 10 Worst New Years Resolutions Everyone wants to change for the better in the new year, but which personal goals are too far out there to even keep? 1. Get rid of my herpes 2. Start smoking to look more mature 3. Eat more cotton candy 4, Cut down on toothpaste cost by brushing less 5. Tell new neighbour about the burial ground behind the Pet Semetary 6. Get married 7. Become a vegan 8. Drop out of everything and move to Australia 9. Grow a moustache 10. Ignore what the big guy says and eat the apple Shelby’s Sizzling Superlative Eats Here is another installment of OtE’s much coveted recipe section. Since it is the holi- day season and you have to leave something out for Santa to munch on, we thought this jumbo cookie recipe would be perfect, How- ever, you must be warned that this recipe may cause Gingervitus (a serious condition which causes the infected individual to become al- lergic to the sun, loose all melanin in his/her skin, and grow ghastly orange hair) — Sadly, our News Editor has already fallen victim. Ginger Snaps Recipe What you will need: 2 % Cups of Flour 2 tsp baking soda % tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp ground ginger Ys tsp cloves (ground) 1 % sticks of butter 1 cup brown sugar 1 large egg % molasses % cup granulated sugar How You Do It: Preheat oven to 350 F 1)Sift the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves into a medium bowl. Set a side. 2)Beat Butter, brown sugar until smoothly blended (1 min). 3) Add egg & molasses and mix until blended and even light brown colour (about 1 min). On a low speed, add the flour mixture, mixing just to incorporate it, 4)Spread granulated sugar on the baking sheet. Roll cup of dough between the palms of your hands into 2-inch ball. Roll the ball in sugar and place on sheet. 5)Cook for 15 mins. Classifieds Female Dom looking for subs for play (prefer females, but not necessary). No taboos. Dom is both gentle & polite, as well as evil & sadistic; enjoys giving physical and psych pain/pleasure; very skilled with her fingers. Rules of play will always apply. Email mistress250@gmail.com if interested! SELLING: convertible laptop for $850! HP Pavillion tx1314ca: Laptop/Tablet modes; 3GB memory; 160GB storage space; 12,5i screen; tablet stylus & IR media remote; used for 2 years, sent to FS for refurbishing fi so works like new; Windows7+MS Office 2007; 1 year left on ext. warranty! Email chenga@unbc.ca. Thx!