The Feature

Blow it out your kilt! Scotland

Over the Edge

Screen 18, Scottish people came out
in droves to vote in an independence
referendum. “Should Scotland be an
independent country?” was the question
they were asked (showing Quebec how a real
sovereignty referendum works). The Scots
also showed all democracies how it is done
by having an unprecedented voter turnout
of 85%, according to the BBC. Some polling
stations even closed early due to 100% voter
turnout of their registered voters. During
the excitement, CNN even made a mistake
(shocker) on its polling graphic, delighting
Tweeters with a screen that showed 52% no
and 58% yes, and inspiring some wonderful
remarks about how Scotland always gives
110%. At the end of the night, Scotland
decided to stay with the United Kingdom
with 55% voting no to independence. This
decision was met with a collective sigh of
relief from much of the world.This is an
important decision for the world. Many
other regions were looking towards
Scotland to see if they would set

up an independence

precedent. Here
is an overview
of what the

OTE staff

thought would have been possible alternative
futures had Scotland decided to leave instead:

1) Scotland succeeds as an independent
country, with an economy based on
the export of scotch and kilts.

2) Wales decides it is tired of being
made fun of by England, decides
to leave too. No one cares.

3) Quebec separatists figure out how
to successfully have an independence
referendum and separates. Still asks
for an allowance from Canada.

4) Quebec separates and does not ask

for an allowance, instead decides that it
does not want to touch Ontario anymore,
figures out a way to pull Quebec into

the Atlantic as its own island, sinks the
Maritimes in the process...No one cares.

5) Catalonia decides to separate, breaking
Spain apart into a bunch of regions. As
independence spreads, the idea of country
becomes meaningless. Treaties fall apart,
the UN breaks up, and anarchy ensues

6) Scotland
rebuilds
Hadrian’s
Wall,
declares
that the

Soviet
Union
was
actually a
good idea.

7) Scotland
offers to
rejoin the
union, with
the caveat that
Charles cannot be
king --only Harry
(because, you know,

gingers gotta stick together).

8) Quebec decides to join
Scotland. Canada cries.

9) Scotland joins Canada and replaces
Quebec as our 10th province, “Olde
Scotia.” Quebec sticks with the UK.

9.5) France and Quebec
become BFFs in the EU.

10) BCTF decides to join Scotland.
Canada eliminates public education.

11) Photo of sad David Cameron goes
global, and Scotland caves to international
guilt trip before rejoining the UK.

12) English nuclear missiles remain
unclaimed and unmonitored in the Scottish
countryside, eventually leaking radiation

saves the world

Daily Post

and creating the first generation of mutant
superpowered sheep. A new world order is
established--The Justice Sheep. As the sheep
population grows beyond control, a faction
splits, calling themselves the League of Black
Sheep. They terrorize what remains of the
human race in what would later be known
as the Bleatzkrieg. Humanity learns that

the Black Sheep have invented a time travel
device and plan to destory all of humanity
before the mutated sheep first revealed
themselves. The last hope for humankind

is to steal the technology and use it to stop
Scotland from ever claiming independence.

Luckily for all of us, Scotland voted to stay.
Now it is time for the UK to try to figure out
a way to make their politics more federal,
so no one else gets any bright ideas.