March 24,2004

Photo by Becky Booth
This cat's name is Chuck. He is a very nervous cat. He lives with Over The Edge’s Editor in Chief. If | lived with her, |
would be nervous too. Just kidding. He goal in life is too become one with the couch. Either that or to effectivly attack
that dratted grey cat (the one on the cover). He also likes red laser pointers, which he could follow around in circles for
hours. He doesn’t do homework, or write essays, or even do exams. He just sits around and sleeps and eats all day. |
hate homework.

Book Review

Band bible aimed at
indie idiots -

>> The Indie Band Bible by Mark Makoway

>> Raincoast Books

By Lisa Whittington-Hill, Arts
Bureau

The Indie Band Bible is “an
insider’s view of the music busi-
ness by a musician for musicians.”
Written by Moist lead guitarist
Mark Makoway, this “ultimate
guide to breaking a band” sounds
like a great idea. Who hasn’t
dreamed of starting a band? Who
hasn’‘t started a band only to find
out it really is a lot of work and
that fame and fartune don’t come
right away, if at all?

Building on his experiences with
MOIST, Makoway has some good
advice to offer would-be rock
stars. The bible covers everything
from band karma to micromarket-
ing while touring. If you’ve ever
wanted to set up your own indie
label or wondered how to write
the perfect press release for your
band then Makoway’s book is for
you.

In addition to his advice and
tips, quotes from record company
presidents, members of other
Canadian bands and the likes of
Denise Donlon (president of Sony
Music Canada and formerly of
MuchMusic) help to nicely round
out the book.

One of the book’s problems is
that some of Makoway’s tips seem
like simple common sense and
leave a reader to wonder if people
starting Canadian bands really are
that stupid.

If those starting bands really
need some of these tips then it
should come as no surprise that
hundreds of bands start, only to
quickly fail.

For example, a section on the
fine art of postering seems espe-
cially redundant. Okay, so the
basic tools of the postering trade
are: a staple gun, spare staples,
posters and something to stand on.
Do people really need a book to
tell them these things? One hopes
not. At almost 250 pages, the book
could have been half as long and
still gotten the message across.

One of the book’s most impor-
tant messages is that running a

band is like running a business.

While it may be cool to be in a
band, there are serious matters to
consider like contracts and copy-
right. How many bands think
about insurance to cover their gear
or are familiar with what FACTOR
assistance is?

The business side of being in a
band is what a lot of would-be
rock stars need, and this is what
makes Makoway’s book essential
for those wanting to start a band.
Even those already in bands may
benefit from sections on music
videos and record deals.

The book ends with a section on
record deals, including informa-
tion on approaching labels and
record royalties, leaving one to
wonder if a second installment of
the indie band bible isn’t in order,
offering readers advice on what to
do once their band has landed a
successful record deal. Or perhaps,
Makoway is penning one on what
to do when the lead singer of your
band launches a successful solo
career, drawing on his experiences
with Moist lead singer David
Usher.

PPFAEM: Working Towards A Better Tomorrow

by William Hull

There are some things in this world that,
weathered and decrepit, have become
unnecessary given modern philosophical
and technological advances. Take, for
instance, the sundial. Brought about by a
necessity to tell time, it’s become obsolete
with the introduction of the clock, and has
since been filed and shelved. Or the concept
that the world is flat-an ideal that was
brought about by flawed logic, coupled with
the heavily entrenched religious fanaticism
that was convinced that to prove otherwise
would be to disprove God. Again, that idea
has long since been filed away alongside
other now-useless, discarded artifacts such
as prop-powered large aircraft and Joan
Rivers. There is one such ideal, however,
that has as of yet managed to keep a stran-
glehold on our civilization. A recent study,
spearheaded by sociologist, philosopher,

and BC Liberal financial advisor Dr. John
Elevenston, has proven that, with the
removal of religious institutions role in the
government, there is no longer any need for
the burdensome dead weight that the
church brought with it-namely, ethics. “Of
course, there should still be laws and such,”
Elevenston said in a recent press conference;
“otherwise, there would be no social order...
we just feel that, since these ‘ethic’ things
come hand-in-hand with religion, they have
no place in Canadian politics. Canadian
politicians and political advisors, therefore,
should not be forced to conform to such reli-
gious systems of taboo, and, therefore,
should be exempt from the laws.” “In
short,” added—Premier Gordon Campbell,
“what we're proposing is not anarchy, as
some of our opposition claims. There will
still be laws... we just wouldn't have to fol-
low any of them.” He then proceeded to
outline a plan to include it in the next bill the

party places before the senate.

The implementation of this proposition,
according to Dr. Elevenston, would catapult
civilization back by several thousand years,
beyond the reach of religion, into what he
refers to as “the golden era of civilization”,
when everybody lived together in relative
peace and harmony, and where frontier jus-
tice, which, according to Elevenston, is
“much better than conventional justice,
because of the ability to properly assess
crimes on a case-by-case basis without the
use of any of this bothersome ‘written law’
nonsense,” reigned supreme. Immediately
after publishing his findings, Elevenston,
with funding from Campbell, founded the
latest political craze: The “Popular Peoples
Front for the Abolishment of Ethics and
Morals”, which has picked up a significant
amount of steam in the populations of the
central provinces as well as Ontario and
BC’s lower mainland. Political analysts

have even gone so far as to predict that this
groundbreaking fheory could be powerful
enough to merge the long-time rival Liberal
and Conservative parties. In fact, federal
representatives of the Liberal party have
stated, “We are giving [the merger] some
serious consideration, but only if we get to
pick the name.” NDP officials have
expressed interest in this political philoso-
phy, but critics claim that they’re just trying
to get some atténtion. “Why doesn’t any-
body love me?” Jack Layton has unofficially
claimed to his psychiatrist, who has released
this information to us in an attempt to sleep
with our Culture Editor.

In a related story, happy April Fool's Day!
This story, in its entirety, is false. There is no
truth in it whatsoever, and if you believe
otherwise, you should be made to wear a
special “Eye Yam Sofa King Wee Todd Did”
hat.