13 2003 Spot the Gym Dandy By Erin Gallagher, The Martlet VICTORIA (CUP) — I's January. It’s cold. Going for a run after school is no longer an enjoyable endeavor. You're out there in scarf and mittens, wondering why you feel pain when you inhale, your nostrils frozen shut. You’re more likely to enjoy a workout session at the local gym. It’s a wonderful place to go, get fit and try not to look too stupid in the process. Like these people: The Social Butterfly - This person walks in, goes for the free weights and works their jaw muscles. They lift their weights (usu- ally small) a couple of times, grimacing and breathing heav- ily. Following a gruelling rep of two, they take a long walk to get water, chatting and check- ing themselves out in the mir- ror. The Butterfly is apt to gab at someone who sweats profuse- ly and breathes so fast they can't respond. If someone comes over to me on the treadmill and asks what my thoughts on life are, after I’ve spent 20 minutes try- ing to concentrate on staying upright, I’m pissed. I's especially embarrassing if the person you think is a “gym hottie” fits into this group. Not only do you worry about your appearance and what you are saying, but also about maintaining a steady pace. Our brain can’t easily focus its attention solely on one task, and then suddenly switch to two or three, without losing ability in some area. I’ve wit- nessed people lose their bal- ance, or rip the “emergency stop” cord out in a desperate attempt to maintain a semi- coherent conversation. The Fashion Guru - Mostly ladies (although there are some men that fit into this category as well). The Guru scours the magazine table. Next, they look at the machines and try to calculate which one requires the least amount of movement and also comes equipped with a little ledge to hold their Shape. The Guru wears all the lat- est in athletic gear, a high-tech discman, and a fancy water bottle, like the Evian Nomad: “New from Evian, the NOMAD, 4x4 deluxe series”; it’s not a car, it’s water! Once they start to “work out,” you look at everything below the waist, and it’s not moving very fast at all, in fact, their fingers turning the pages are going at a faster pace. They continue with this slow- motion escapade for about 10 minutes. They then wipe their machine (in case any damp- ness has managed to escape their bodies), put the maga- zine back - now enlightened on the latest trends in fashion - and leave. The Action Movie Star - Do you remember Leonardo DiCaprio in The Beach? Double the power of your degree Work in the Global Village a 4.2-month post-graduate certificate program in international development at Humber College Now you can study: for émployment in. atie growing field of International Development. Learn applied skills for writing international project proposals, cross-cultural communications, managing resources for overseas international development, and more. The program includes an 8-week field placement or applied research project which may be completed overseas or in North America. Call (416) 675-6622, ext 3226, or e-mail pat.meek@humber.ca www. business: (7) HUMBER The Business School humober.ca There’s scene when DiCaprio’s character goes insane and views his life as a video game, running through the jungles of Thailand. For the Action Movie Star, the gym doesn’t exist. Its aa remote island inhabited by cannibals, a dark back alley, or a war zone in Beirut. And they are the hero and the spy. Motivated by their own hard- core music soundtrack. They are blinded by sweat. Their muscles tear. They make it look real. That is, until the director yells “cut” (or the beeper on the treadmill tells them that their 30 minute limit on the cardio equipment is up). The Hernia Lifter - Veins swell from their heads. Their eyes bulge. They grind their teeth and screw their face into a terrifying reddish- purple form. They enter the gym, totally pumped for a huge workout, only to find they have mis- placed the super-strength that Superman lent to them. Not to worry’ though, because curiously enough, their natural bench-pressing ability can be replaced by increased adrenaline, and an inability to comprehend how massive the weight they are about to lift is. They grab hold of the bar, lift it out of the iron cradle, lower it about three inches then, feel- ing their body beginning to sway, grunt loudly and shove it back into the cradle. After this episode, the Lifter waits until enough oxygen has returned to their head before attempt- ing to stand. | know bulking up requires more weight and fewer reps, but this is obviously affecting (and damaging) more than just the targeted muscles. The gym is a great place to meet new people (unless you fit into my group), get in shape and feel great. It’s also an excellent place to observe people at their weirdest’- per- fect fodder for you sociology fiends. When it’s gross and rainy outside, and you're sick of endless hours in the library, there are always - to be dis- crete - interesting things going on at the gym. Aries spend this day relaxing. Last week’s stress and next week’s deadlines indicate nothing but non-stop commitments. Enjoy this week’s lull while you can. Taurus Don’t take any trips to the country. Cows are your neme- sis. Be alerted to black and white splotches as they may indicate upcoming conflicts. Gemini Your New Year's resolutions are already starting to slip. Make an extra special effort to keep all of your good inten- tions in place. Cancer Beware Rhode Island Red chickens. Due to this distur- bance, steer away for primari- ly egg-based foods such as quiche and soufflé. Leo Have the holidays left you feeling blue? This is the week to hang around people that make you feel good. Soon you will be feeling like your normal Your dreams of giant donuts are an indication of your gourmet desires. Indulge, but remember that everything is good-in moderation. Libra This week will be full of newj adventures. Take a risk and enjoy big payoffs. A new rela- tionship is on the horizon. Scorpio Avoid — shrubbery. encounters’ with leafy vegetation DOOM! Your careful actions now will not go unrewarded. Sagittarius a new movie changes your perspective this week. The alteration is unexpected but not wholly unwelcome. Capricorn The amazing star line-up this week indicates a_ close encounter with a majestic beast of the wild. Tigers fea- ture prominently in every aspect of your life. Aquarius A trip to the waterslides? Maybe! This week dishes out wacky events beyond your generally sensible expecta- tions. Pisces The snow is coming! At long last the winter has started. This week will be the start of all the wintery goodness like skiing and snowboarding. Disclaimer: All Horoscopes provided by Over The Edge are com- pletely fictional, and if you believe them you are so stupid you require a safety helmet.