INFORMATION TO USERS

This manuscript has been reproduced from the microfilm master. UMI films
the text directly from the original or copy submitted. Thus, some thesis and
dissertation copies are in typewriter face, while others may be from any type of
computer printer.

The quality of this reproduction is dependent upon the quality of the
copy subm itted. Broken or indistinct print, colored or poor quality illustrations
and photographs, print bleedthrough, substandard margins, and improper
alignment can adversely affect reproduction.

In the unlikely event that the author did not send UMI a complete manuscript
and there are missing pages, these will be noted.

Also, if unauthorized

copyright material had to be removed, a note will indicate the deletion.

Oversize materials (e.g., maps, drawings, charts) are reproduced by
sectioning the original, beginning at the upper left-hand comer and continuing
from left to right in equal sections with small overlaps.

Photographs included in the original manuscript have been reproduced
xerographically in this copy.

Higher quality 6" x 9” black and white

photographic prints are available for any photographs or illustrations appearing
in this copy for an additional charge. Contact UMI directly to order.

ProQuest Information and Learning
300 North Zeeb Road, Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346 USA
800-521-0600

UMI

MOTHERS WHO LIVE APART
FROM THEIR CHILDREN
by
Julie Thacker
BSc., The University of Northern British Columbia, 1997

THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE
REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF
MASTER OF ARTS
in
GENDER STUDIES

© Julie Thacker, 1999

THE UNIVERSTIY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
December, 1999
All rights reserved. This work may not be
reproduced in whole or in part, by photocopying or
other means, without the permission of the author.

1^1

of Canada

NaWonalUbraiy

Bibliothèque nationale
du Canada

Acquisitions and
Bibliographic Services

Acquisitions et
senrices bibliographiques

395 WMinglon Straat
OnmwON K1A0N4
Canadi

395, rua Walmgton
Ottawa ON K1A0N4
Canada

raurlUt yeewfWrw*»
OurUt HenrMmie»

The author has granted a non­
exclusive Ucence allowing the
National Library of Canada to
reproduce, loan, distribute or sell
copies of this thesis in microform,
paper or electronic formats.

L’auteur a accordé une licence non
exclusive permettant à la
Bibliothèque nationale du Canada de
reproduire, prêter, distribuer ou
vendre des copies de cette thèse sous
la forme de microfiche/film, de
reproduction sur papier ou sur format
électronique.

The author retains ownership of the
copyri^t in this diesis. Neither die
thesis nor substantial extracts from it
m ^ be printed or otherwise
reproduced without the author’s
permission.

L’auteur conserve la propriété du
droit d’auteur qui protège cette thèse.
Ni la thèse ni des extraits substantiels
de celle-ci ne doivent être imprimés
ou autrement reproduits sans son
autorisation.

0-612-62502-8

CanadS

APPROVAL
Name:

Julie C. Thacker

Degree:

Master of Arts, Gender Studies

Thesis Title:

Mothers Without Their Children

Examining Committee:

Chair: Dr. Max Blouw
Associate Vice President (Research) and Dean o f Graduate Studies.

i

■ {

OLLa

0

\

-

C

Supervisor:
ariannrG oi^nyi Ainley
îrvisor: Dr. M
MariannrGoizîtonYi
Ainlev
Professor, Women V S tudiesu^

Cpfh^ittee Membpr\Dr. Judith Lapadat
s s i^ n t Pro&s^r. Education

ConfetittegMember; Dr.
Assistant Professor, Psychology

^m d

External Examiner Dr. Fiona McPhail
Assistant Professor, Economics

Date Approved:

\

u

i

^

1

ABSTRACT

My thesis contributes to a feminist perspective on motherhood and fulfills an
urgent need for more information about mothers who live apart from their children. This
topic grew out of my personal experiences and my understanding o f the feminist philosophy
that people’s stories need to be told so that their experiences are not denied. In discussions
with mothers over the past several years I became aware that mothers without their children
feared and experienced negative social judgement if their status became public knowledge.
While taking Women’s Studies courses, 1 learned that little information was available about
mothers who lived apart fiom their children and began wondering if the oppression they were
describing was related to marginalisation. If this is the case, then research resulting in new
knowledge about their lives should help reduce it. Consequently, 1 chose to fill this gap in
our understanding about these women’s lives for my graduate research.
My research explores through interviews the lives of six mothers who live apart
fiom their children.

Standpoint Theory provided the epistemological framework for my

research and I used Grounded Theory methodology to conduct my research. The results of
my participatory research project show that our social structure oppresses these women who
live apart fiom their children and because o f this they are marginalised. It also indicates a
need for social transformation and policy change to reduce the discrimination and oppression
they experience.

CONTENTS
Abstract
Table o f Contents
List o f Figures
List of Tables
Acknowledgements

ii
iii
v
v
vi

IN T R O D U C TIO N ................................................................................................

1

CHAPTER ONE: EXPLORING THE EXISTING LITERATURE.....................
Mothering in Other Cultures
How did Mother’s Roles Evolve?
Mothering Here and Now

7
9
12
20

CHAPTER TWO: THE THEORETICAL BACKGROUND & METHODOLOGY
Feminist Theories
Feminist Standpoint Theory
Grounded Methodology
My Research Process
Ethical considerations
Getting ready
Participant selection
Data collection
Working with my data

29
32
35
40
42
43
44
46
48
S3

CHAPTER THREE: IN THEIR OWN W O R D S ...................................................
My co-researchers’ profiles
Discussion o f my co-researchers’ backgrounds
The Research Relationship
Free choice
Issues o f friendship
Exploitation
Power and vulnerability
My Co-researchers Stories of Separating from Their Children
Child’s actions
Marital Breakdown
My Co-researchers Response to the Separation

61
63
71
75
75
77
78
79
81
82
85
88

CHAPTER FOUR: WOMEN OF COURAGE........................................................
Marginalisation
Invisibility
Isolation
Internalised guilt

93
94
95
95
96

m

Negative Social Judgement
Silencing
Reduced Agency

97
102
102

Sites o f Resistance
Identifying and using available support
Developing alternate interpretations
Identi^ng a space to nurture their children
Challenging how fathers are judged

106
107
112
115
118

Critical Insights
Mothers’ roles as primary care*givers
Mothers’ roles as non-custodial parents
Fathers as primary care-givers
Mothers’ reduced agency

120
121
122
126
127

CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION OF MY FINDINGS AND THEIR
IM PL IC A T IO N S.............................................................................................. 133
General Themes
Interactions
Responses to Oppression
Agency
Implications for Government Policy Changes
Limitations
Further Research
Conclusion

134
135
135
137
138
142
143
144

APPENDICES
Information sheet
Consent form
Care provider sheet
Interview questions

147
148
149
150

BIBLIOGRAPHY

151

IV

ILLUSTRATIONS

Figure l : If it’s natural

22

Figure 2: No longer a mother

90

Figure 3: Whore

99

Figure 4: Support?

108

TABLE
Table I : Primary Caregiver Jobs

125

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This study is the result of my involvement with the University of Northern British
Columbia and the community o f Prince George. 1 would like to thank the people in both
communities who contributed to its completion. My deepest appreciation goes to those
individuals who have shared their time and wisdom with me. This includes but is not
limited to: Dr. Marianne Ainley, my thesis supervisor, for her mentoring and ‘midwifing’ my thesis to delivery, Dr. Judith Lapadat and Dr. Anita Hubley, members o f my
thesis committee, who critiqued and challenged me to look at what was happening from
yet another ‘perspective,’ Sharon Reinderhoff for her belief in me and her continuous
mentoring, my spouse George and children Valerie and William for their patience and
willingness to adapt to a new style of wifrng and mothering. Finally, 1 thank my friends
who assisted me in developing my research question and challenged my analysis on the
basis o f their own experiences.

VI

INTRODUCTION

As she gave one final push, I saw the child slip out o f her body, a perfect baby
girl. I was a ‘father!’ We all shouted for joy. As I felt the tears trickle down my
cheeks, I looked around the room and met the doctor’s and mid-wife’s eyes; they
too were crying. This perfect child would not grow up in the care o f her loving
mother; she was to be adopted. The young mother for whom I was a labour
coach was mentally challenged. She was deemed an unfit mother. Our
community had no support system in place to help her raise her child. I brought
my friend flowers, candy, and perfume; I handed out candy sticks instead of
cigars. The last day I saw her and her daughter we walked to the nursery
together and talked. We talked about her dreams and hopes for her daughter and
how she prayed that her daughter would have a loving safe home. Then we cried
together because we knew how much she wanted to care for her daughter herself
and the insurmountable obstacles that stood in her way.
Personal Reflections from
December 1980
Leaving the young mother’s room I stopped to chat with the midwife about the
next meeting of the Mission Childbirth Education Association (MCEA).' We discussed the
improvements in the maternity ward’s atmosphere since the new non-institutional furnishing
and lounge that our association had lobbied for were installed. We chatted about how the
administration, staff, and the physicians were reacting to the changes and the likelihood of
the new birthing bed arriving for my own delivery in June.

Working together, our

association gained the right for mothers to determine many o f the procedures involving our
children’s births. Included were the rights to choose our birthing position, if and how much
pain relief we wanted, and whether we would have intravenous fluids, enemas, shaves, and
automatic episiotomies. As I gave birth to my own daughter in June, I did not stop to ponder

' The Mission Childbirth Education Association (MCEA) was an association I belonged to in the late 1970s and
early 1980s. It was one o f the first community-based birthing education and lobbying associations in British
Columbia’s lower mainland. It was instrumental m mstituting more family oriented birthing practices in cur
community hospital and also provided some o f the impetus that eventually resulted in the Grace Maternity
Hospital in Vancouver. Grace Hospital has since become EC’s Women’s Hospital and Health Centre.

that I would have less autonomy in how 1 parented her than I had in her birth. It was not until
several years later that 1 realised how little authority I had to determine how 1 mothered her.
Sifting through my experiences and those o f my friends I noticed a common
theme - none of us actually determined how we mothered our children. We chose whether
we breast-fed two months or two years, but our physicians determined when our children
started on solids and when they were ready to use their Jolly Jumpers.

If mothers had

problems, as 1 did, the experts came in and instructed us on child management.
Meanwhile, 1 became aware of another hidden aspect of our community -- not all
mothers raise their own children. Because they were deemed too young to be mothers,
several o f my friends gave their children up at birth.

Other friends’ children were

institutionalised, receiving ongoing care for medical conditions.

Like myself, still other

mothers had children die from accident or illness. All o f us grieved at the loss o f our
children. Eventually I came to terms with the grief and moved forward. As my other two
children grew, I looked around for outside interests, began college, completed a B.Sc. in
psychology, and eventually entered the Gender Studies Masters Program. My thesis topic
originated from my desire to investigate the lived experiences o f mothers, like my friends
and myself, whose children were not with them. In discussion with my thesis committee,
however, I decided that the current related and narrower topic o f “Mothers Who Live Apart
From Their Children" would be more manageable. In completing the analysis o f my data, I
began to appreciate their wisdom. My data include enough variables without introducing
more.
In my thesis, I studied a group o f mothers who live apart from their children to
draw attention to how they experience motherhood as mothers who do not meet our accepted

cultural norms. These mothers are often invisible in our society and their experiences are
unacknowledged. They live at least this aspect o f their lives at the margins o f society.
Writing about their experiences increases their visibility and contributes to redefining
motherhood from a woman’s perspective. It is part o f the process o f learning about our
diversity as mothers and respecting that diversity. According to Sandra Pollack:
Women-defined motherhood means that all mothers have something valuable to
share, should be listened to, and appreciated, that learning about our diversity is
what will enable us to feel good about our mothers and ourselves as mothers.
That woman-defined mothefriood is learning how to better love ourselves and our
mothers."
1 also believe that all mothers, including those who live apart from their children,
have something valuable to share with us and my research gives them an opportunity to
speak on their own behalf about their experiences. As non-custodial parents, they all share a
common feature of living apart from their children and being unable to make decisions
affecting them. They are not, however, a homogeneous group. Among the many factors that
contribute to mothers living apart from their children are divorce, immigration, poverty,
mental or physical illness, and children’s choices. Regardless o f the factors that result in
mothers living apart from their children, at least three reasons make it important that, as
feminists, we address their invisibility. First, their voices should be included if we are truly
to understand the many experiences of women’s lives. Second, until these women gamer
visibility and understanding they will remain disempowered and unable to either speak for
themselves or negotiate changes in their lived experiences. Third, their powerlessness, in all
likelihood, adds cumulatively to other women's marginalisation and powerlessness producing

^ Sandra Pollack, “Preface” to Woman Defined Motherhood, Jane Price Knowles & Ellen Cole, eds. (New York
Harrington Park Press, 1990), xvii.

a synergistic effect that increases the disempowerment every woman encounters/

Re­

searching and writing about some o f their experiences will begin to fill one gap in our
knowledge about women's lives, help normalise their lives, and enable us to respect them as
mothers. This may initiate societal change.
My research is conducted within the feminist theoretical fi-amework that
acknowledges that it is possible to initiate societal change at either the individual or group
level to reduce people’s disempowerment and marginalisation.'* By making the experiences
of mothers who live apart from their children more accessible, my research begins to identify
the sub-components o f the generally accepted beliefs and values that form the stereotypes
held about these mothers in particular and about all mothers in general.

Developing

awareness by making peoples’ lived experiences and voices visible and audible is one
process that changes how society responds to them. It is this awareness that creates a social
climate that alters the stereotypes commonly held about a group o f people and the
attributions made about them.

As feminists we can then use this knowledge to begin

dismantling those beliefs that are incongruent with our vision o f egalitarian communities.
My personal experience supports the importance o f increasing the agency o f
mothers who live apart from their children and contributes to my interest in their invisibility
as mothers. First, academic study has taught me the importance o f each woman's voice in
defining the overall experience of women.

Second, my earlier experiences with the

^ John McKnight, The Careless Sociely: Community and its Counterfeits (New York: Basic Books, 1995)
provides an analysis regarding how our society is diminished when we marginalise some members of our
community.
* See Janice L. Ristock & Joan Fennel, Communily Research as Empawerment: Feminist Links, Postmodern
Interruptions (Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1996); Sandra Kirby & Kate McKenna, Experience, Research,
Social Change: Methods From The M arins (Toronto, Garamond Press, 1989).

childbirth education group taught me that, working as a team, people can create awareness
and negotiate changes in oppressive structures or systems. Third, I too lost my status as a
mother. My loss resulted, however, from my first child’s death by accidental drowning
whereas my participants lost their status as mothers when they began to live apart from their
children. Fourth, in my interactions with community groups that work with marginalised
individuals I learned that each person's contribution to society is necessary if society is to
remain healthy and vibrant. Finally, as a feminist I believe in the equality o f all individuals.
I also believe that it is necessary to challenge the hierarchical structures that deny certain
people the right to participate as equals in our communities and the right to name their own
lived experiences.
My belief that each o f my participants or co-researchers is my peer, or equal,
influenced how I developed and wrote my thesis. This belief evolved as a result o f my
involvement with feminism, my community, and potential participants. Two o f my friends
live apart from their children. One became a participant and both played an integral part in
helping me develop my research topic and my interview probes.^ All o f my co-researchers
collaborated in the research process by sharing sensitive areas o f their lives, providing
valuable insights, and setting me back on the right track if they felt I was missing important
details in my analysis.
Chapter 1, “Exploring the Existing Literature,” suggests that the role o f mother­
hood is socially constructed. In this chapter I begin to develop the scaffolding to explore my
topic, “Mothers Without Their Children” in a feminist context. I review a few non-western
cultures’ beliefs about mothers who live apart from their children as well as our western

* See Sulamit Reinharz, “Feminist Action Research,” in Feminist Methods in Social Research (New York:
Oxford University Press, 1992), 181, for an analysis of participatory or collaborative research.

cultural heritage o f how mothers’ roles evolved, and how stereotypes affect how we view
people.
Chapter 2, “Theoretical Background and Methodology,” explores further the
feminist framework within which I conducted my research. It explains the theoretical back­
ground for feminist participatory research including Grounded Methodology and Feminist
Standpoint Theory. This chapter also explains the process I followed in conducting my
research.
Chapter 3, “In Their Own Words,” introduces my co-researchers and tells the
story of how they came to live apart from their children and how they feel about this
separation in their own words. It also discusses issues o f friendship between the principal
researcher and co-researchers.
Chapter 4, “Women of Courage and Agency: Mothers Who Live Apart From
Their Children,” examines both the marginalisation o f mothers who live apart fix>m their
children and their resistance to it. It also provides a more detailed analysis o f a mother’s role
when she lives apart from her children as well as my personal insights as a researcher.
Chapter 5, “Discussion of My Findings and Their Implications,” reviews the
themes I developed during my research and discusses suggestions for further research and
areas o f public policy that may benefit from a review in light o f my research findings.

CHAPTER ONE
EXPLORING THE EXISTING LITERATURE

My literature review reveals that many feminists are working toward reducing
the oppression of mothers. For example, feminists have organised and attended conferences
such as “Woman-Defined Motherhood: A Conference for Therapists" that was held in
September 1988 at Goddard College, Plainflield, Vermont, and resulted in an edited book by
Jane Price Knowles and Ellen Cole.' Other feminists, such as Meryle Mahrer Kaplan, a
developmental psychologist, Christine Everigham, a sociologist, and Katherine Amup, an
historian, have published books with case studies about different types o f mothers including
lesbians, woman of colour, and women with disabilities.^
Martha McMahon states, “motherhood is an unsettling issue for feminist
analysis."^ It is indeed an unsettling issue! Feminist analysis and texts increasingly include,
however, studies of reproduction, birth, maternal thinking, and women’s different voices
about motherhood.

Feminists’ increased interest in motherhood has been happening, as

Martha McMahon points out by paraphrasing Heather Jon Maroney (1986), because “the
analysis o f motheriiood

has the potential to challenge not just the political order but the

deeper cultural images of human nature and the links between society and nature on which
the social and political order rests."^ My thesis research adds to the feminist agenda o f

' Jane Price Knowles & Ellen Cole, eds.. “Preface” to fFoman Defined Motherhood (New York: Harrington
Park Press, 1990), xvii.
^ Christine Everigham, Motherhood and Modernity (Buckingham: Open University Press, 1994); Meryle
Mahrer K ^lan, Mothers ' Images o f Motherhood: Case Studies o f Twelve Mothers (London: Routledge, 1992);
Katherine Amup, Lesbian Parenting: Living with Pride & Prejudice (Charlottetown: gynergy books, 1995).
’ Martha McMtJion, Engendering Motherhood: Identify'and Self-Transformation in Women's Lives (New York:
The Guildford Press, 1995), 8.
"Ibid., 7.

challenging our social and political system by studying a group o f women whose motheriiood
is typically not acknowledged - those who do not have custody o f their children.
As feminists, we can investigate the lives o f mothers who do not have custody of
or live with their children from various perspectives.

For example, Phyllis Chesler, a

psychologist, and Susan Boyd, a law professor,^ have studied the custody cases of such
women in relation to marital dissolution. Both authors explore the situations o f mothers who
have lost custody o f their children afrer marital break-up and demonstrate that some judges
habitually devalue mothers in relation to fathers. They also show how mediation settlements,
which presume that each partner has approximately the same power, frequently reflect the
historical imbalance o f power in relationships.^
One area o f inquiry that the Phyllis Chesler and Susan Boyd touch on only
briefly and that appears to have been mostly overlooked by other researchers is motherhood
from the perspective o f mothers who live apart from their children. Neglecting this area o f
inquiry prevents us from benefiting from their knowledge and unique input about different
types o f mothers and the roles they play in our social system. Thus, studying mothers who
live apart from their children has the potential to increase our understanding o f motherhood
by providing us with new knowledge about their experiences and feelings as mothers who do
not fit our culture’s norm o f a mother.
Feminist scholars agree that in our culture “mother” is the role assigned to a
female parent caring for her children, and it is a social category whose current definition

* Phyllis Chesler, Mothers On Trial: The Battle fo r Children & Custody (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Co.,
1986); Susan B. Boyd, "Child Custody, Ideologies, and Employment," Canadian Journal o f Woman and Law 3,
no. 1(1989): 111-133.
* Phylis Chesler, "A Contemporary Overview," in Mothers on Trial, 26-48: Susan B. Boyd, Ibid., 132.

needs to be examined in light of past and contemporary cultures/ Feminists scientists have
developed and advanced various theories about how mothering evolved and is maintained.
Nancy Chodorow theorizes, for example, that women are taught and persuaded to mother
through a socialisation process that includes psychological pressure.^ In the late 1970s, her
theories challenged those o f some social scientists who believed motherhood was determined
by biological facts and not a role determined by society’s needs.^ In taking up the argument
of socialisation versus biology she was revisiting the same struggle as did earlier feminists.
One example is Maltilda Joslyn Gage’s (1826*1898) work that showed "womens [sic] rights
did not centre around women’s worthiness and their ability to show themselves ‘responsible’
in male terms but around men’s reluctance to allow woman freedom and responsibility for
their own lives.’’*® A second example is Mary Ritter Beard’s (1876-1958) thesis that written
history fails to include women’s stories and information about their roles and contributions or
how tradition rather than biology determines their available choices." The latter author’s
woric was a forerunner of, and shared the philosophy o f many of, today’s feminist historians,
such as Gerda Lemer and Judith Zinsser.'^
Mothering in Other Cultures
How women parent differs across cultures. Different cultures also have different
ideologies about when, if, and with whom it is appropriate for children to live apart from

’ Nancy Chodorow, “Why Women Mother,” in The Reproduction o f Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the
Sociology o f Gender (Bericeiy: Universtiy o f California Press, 1978), 14; Martha McMahon, Ibid., 7.
' Nancy Chodorow, Ibid., 211.
’ Ibid., 14.
Lynn Spender, “Maltilda Joslyn Gage: Active Intellectual,” in Dale Spender ed.. Feminist Theorists: Three
Centuries o f Key Women Thinken (New York: Pantheon Books, 1983), 139.
" Ann J. Lane, “Mary Ritter Beard: Women as Force,” in Dale Spender, Ibid 333-347, and Judith P. Zinsser,
History and Feminism: A Glass H alfFull (New York: Twayne Publishers, 1993), 31-34.
G e r^ Lemer, The Creation o f Patriarachy (New York Oxford University Press, 1986) and Judith P. Zinsser,
Ibid.

10

their mothers. The examples that follow illustrate three different cultures' ideologies about
mothers living apart from their children.
The first example is the Nisga’a and Coast Tsimshian Nations, which inhabit the
northernmost coastal regions o f British Columbia. Group maintenance o f family ties and
friendships are o f primary importance to them. Traditionally, the women had sexual equality
with men and were not censured for leaving their husbands. Their families protected them by
not permitting abuse; the women worked as a team caring for their children and providing
sustenance for their community. Child-care arrangements were flexible and allowed women
to participate in productive and reproductive work.'^
Today the Nisga’a and Coast Tsimshian Nations in British Columbia are
minority cultures living within a dominant culture based on Western European influences.
The members of these Nations receive contradictory messages about what are socially
acceptable child-care strategies.'^ This occurs because their lifestyles frequently do not
conform to the dominant culture’s expectation. Rather, members o f these nations continue to
be influenced by their own cultures. Jo-Anne Fiske remarks that:
extended families, whether sharing a common household or otherwise, were [in
the 1960’s through 1980’s] the most stable economic unit. . . Collective
responsibility for childcare, for example, allowed women to pursue wage
employment and education away from their communities. Similarly, pooling a
range o f subsistence goods and cash mean that women who were absent from
seasonal subsistence production, whether they resided elsewhere permanently or
only occasionally, could expect to share essential domestic provisions.'^

'^Carol Cooper, “Native Women o f the Northern Pacific Coast: An Historical Perspective, 1830-1900,” Journal
o f Canadian Studies 27, no. 4 (1992-3): 44-75.
'^Marlee Kline, “Complicating the Ideology of Motherhood: Child Welfare Law and First Nation Women,"
Queens Law Journal 2 (1993): 307-342, provides a good explanation of the competing messages First Nation
women receive about caring for children.
Jo-Anne Fiske, “Political Status o f Native Indian Women: Contradictory Implications of Canadian State
Policy,” in American Indian Culture and Research Journal, 19 no. 2 (1995): 9.

11

An example o f this is the exchange o f goods between my friend, a First Nation's woman, and
her parents. When they came to visit her they brought her treats such as eulachons'^ and
dried seaweed. In return, she shared fruit from her farm. In addition to sharing food, her
parents also participated in their culture’s collective responsibility for child rearing; on their
visits they brought along those grandchildren whom they were raising and o f whom they had
custody.
My second example of a different culture’s child-care strategies comes from
Thailand. Kerry Richter’s research indicates that, although the trend is changing, having
children live with relatives is still a preference. Traditionally, some children lived apart from
their mothers. This method was used to strengthen extended family connections and ensure
that needed resources were shared between family members. Today, mothers who are unable
to live with their children still prefer that a relative cares for their child(ren) rather than a
nonrelative.*’
My final example is about mothers in Africa and mothers o f Afncan descent in
the United States. Antonio McDaniel’s and S. Philip Morgan’s research demonstrates that
African-American mothers live apart from their children more frequently than do mothers in
other ethnic groups and that this living arrangement is similar to that in Africa.*^ They state
that:

Eulachon is a fish of the North Pacific that comes up the rivers to spawn just after the ice has left It was used
as dried and ft-esh food by the First Nations and white people alike in Terrace during the I9S0’s when I was a
child. It was also used by some white people in the Vancouver area ftom the 1890’s to the I9S0’s, and
according to my mother-in-law was sold in Woodward’s grocery stores around the 1940’s. Eulachons are
described in G.C.Carl, WA. Clemens, and C.C. Lindsey, The Fresh-water Fishes o f British Columbia
(Victoria: Queen’s Printer, 1967), 34-35.
Kerry Richter, “Living Separately as a Child-Care Strategy: Implications for Women’s Work and Family in
Urban Thailand,”Journal o f Marriage and Family 58 (May 1996): 327-339.
Antonio McDaniel and S. Philip Morgan, “Racial Difference in Mother-Child Coresidence in the Past, ”
Journal o f Marriage and the Family 58 (November 1996): 1011-1017.

12

The prevalence o f children not living with parents in contemporary Africa cannot
be accounted for by crisis fostering. Further ethnographic work in Africa shows
that sending children to live elsewhere is positively sanctioned in particular
cases
[such as] when the children will benefit from living with a relative who
can provide better access to schools
At a broader level the shared raising of
chil&en is a way o f strengthening, maintaining, and acknowledging extended
family ties.*’
In these three cultures, the norm is collective responsibility for child-care which promotes
maintenance o f the kin group and the sharing of needed resources. Similarly, some o f our
own First Nations cultures enable mothers to meet their own needs for education and
employment while ensuring their children are cared for.
How Did Mothers’ Roles Evolve?
While "Scientific Mothering" is discussed less frequently today than in the past,
it is still very much part of our culture. It originated at the turn o f the twentieth century and
brought the results of scientific research to child-rearing. Katherine Amup states that the
goal o f scientific mothering was the production o f “workers suited to the regime o f the
industrial workplace.” The focus o f ‘scientific child rearing’ during this initial phase was
developing correct behaviour patterns through repetition of activities at fixed intervals.
Women were advised that the method to achieve this was to learn and use Frederick Taylor’s
newly discovered techniques o f scientific management to parent their children.^**

The

assumption by many people around this time was that if scientific management could
improve industrial production it could also improve human reproduction.

21

‘’ Ibid., 1012.
Katherine Amup, ‘“ Bringing up Baby’: The Care and Feeding o f Infants and Young Children,” in Education
fo r Motherhood: Advice fo r Mothers in Twentieth-Century Canada (Toronto: University o f Toronto Press,
1994), 85.
Shari L. Thurer, “Fall from Grace: Twentieth-Century Mom,” in The Myths o f Motherhood: How culture
Reinvents The Good MbrAer (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1994), 226, 235.

13

To understand the Zeitgeist that encouraged the introduction o f Scientific
Mothering at the turn of the twentieth century as a method o f controlling how women parent,
it is necessary to examine what preconditions led to its emergence. Before the industrial
revolution, the majority of the goods consumed were produced at home. Most children
worked beside their parents in the production o f goods to meet the family’s needs. The kin
group and later the family was the economic unit o f production.'^
Mechanisation and break-up o f the feudal states was a gradual process o f
transformation. Eventually the ideology o f the earth as a living organism and nurturing
mother gave way to the view that the earth should be dominated, conquered, and
suppressed.^ About the seventeenth century Carolyn Merchant stated:
Symbolically associated with unruly nature was the dark side o f woman. . . .
women were also seen as closer to nature than men, subordinate in the social
hierarchy to the men o f their class, and imbued with a far greater sexual passion.
The upheavals of the Reformation and the witch trials o f the sixteenth century
heightened these perceptions. Like wild chaotic nature, women needed to be
subdued and kept in their place.^^
Gender roles became more defined and motherhood began to be idealised as a woman’s
primary occupation.^ Science and politics which previously had been conducted primarily
firom domestic surroundings such as the French ‘salon’ and the home laboratory began to be
institutionalised in Europe around the time o f the French revolution in 1789.'^ This period
was as Pina G. Abir-am and Dorinda Outram state:

^ Shari L. Thurer, The Exaltation of Mother: Eighteenth- and Nineteenth-Centuiy Mom, Ibid, 183.
^ Carolyn Merchant, “The Death of Nanire," in Earthcare: Women and the Environment (New York:
Routledge, 1995), 76.
Carolyn Merchant, “Nature as Disorder. Women and Witches,” in The Death o f Nature: Women, Ecology and
the Scientific Revolution (New York Harper & Row, 1980; Harper & Row 1986), 132.
^ Shari L. Thurer, “The Exaltation of Mother. 18th and 19"* Cenhiry Mom,” Ibid., 185.
Dominique Godineau, “Daughters of Liberty and Revolutionary Citizens” in Geneviè Fraisse & Michelle
Perrot eds., A History o f Women in the West: IV. Emerging Feminism from Revolution to World War,
(Cambridge: Belknap Press o f Harvard University Press, 1992), 16; Pnina Abir-am & Dorinda Outram eds.,
“Introduction” to Uneasy Careers & Intimate Lives (New Brunswick: Rutger University Press, 1987), 4.

14

a period of crucial developments not only in the social organisation o f science,
but also o f that o f the family in Western Europe and North America. It was in
this period, too, that a crucial dichotomy, the establishment o f a cultural and
institutional polarity between public and private worlds, came to affect science
[and politics].^’
Mothers, at least those of the middle and upper classes, appear to have been left to control
their own homes and had authority to educate their own children.^* Meanwhile, the former
peasants, now landless, tried to eke out a living: mothers worked, children were left
unattended, children worked, and mothers and children entered the poorhouse together.
Mortality was high.^’
European cities began to respond by establishing maternal and infant care as a
method of increasing their populations.

In keeping with this population enhancement

through “biopolitics,” beginning in the eighteenth century the German-speaking world
transferred motherhood back, at least partially, into the public realm.^° The western world’s
public interest in mothering issues had two results that feminists later used to their advantage.
First, it set the stage for state interventions around child-rearing practises.

Second, it

separated motherhood from religious duty thus affirming its social construction.^' Barred
ftom direct involvement in the public sphere, the British feminist Mary Wollstonecraft
(1759-1797) and the German feminist Amalie Holst^^ (1758-1829) used the space these
beliefs created to advance their cause. They argued that mothers needed a good education

Shari L. Thurer, Ibid., 197.
” Ibid., 201.
Ann Taylor Alien, “From Authority to Nurture; Theoretical Origins of Maternal Feminism, 1780-1840,” in
Feminism and Motherhood in Germany 1800-1914 (New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press, 1991), 17.
" Ibid., 17-22.
Miriam Brody, “Mary Wollstonecraft; Sexuality and Women’s Right (1759-1797),” in Dale Spender, Ibid.,
41; Joseph Johnson, “On National Education,” in Ashley Tauchert ed., Mary Wollstonecraft: A Vindication o f
The Rights o f Woman with Strictures on Political and Moral Subjects (Vermont: Everyman, 1995), 189.
"Ann Taylor Allen, Ibid., 31, states Amalie Holst published her only known work, Cher die Bcstimmung des
Weibes zur Hohem Geistesbilding (“On the Capacity of Women for Higher Education”) in 1802, and
http;//kvk.ubka.uni-karlsruhe.de/hylib-bi (02/07/99 8;39 PM).

15

and the right to make decisions in the best interest o f their children if they were to educate
and raise them to be morally and socially responsible adults. Mary Wollstonecraft said that;
The rearing of children, that is, the laying a foundation o f sound health both o f
body and mind in the rising generation, has justly been insisted on as the peculiar
destination of woman, the ignorance that incapacitates them must be contrary to
the order of things. And I contend that their minds can take in much more, and
ought to do so, or they will never become sensible mothers. . . . how many
children are absolutely murdered by the ignorance o f women!
Her work as well as the activism of other feminists gained women some rights to be publicly
involved in child-management issues.^^
Public Motherhood and the beginning of our social network began in the German
speaking world and other culturally associated communities around the early 1800’s with
women’s participation in charitable work.^^ German aristocratic and middle class women ran
and maintained pre-schools for all children, voluntarily visited and helped families in crisis,
and participated in associations to help the poor. Volunteering in the public sphere provided
these women with opportunities to develop friendships, recognise their abilities, and develop
an agenda for reforming male domination in the home.^^ Through this work, they also
developed skills in the areas of administration, finance, communication, and research.^^
Immediately following the revolutionary period o f 1848-1849, in which feminists
as well as other groups initiated social change throughout the German states, the liberals or
wealthier classes formed reactionary groups and attempted to restore the previous status quo
of patriarchal rule.^^ Instead o f abandoning their agenda in this period (1850-1858) German

Joseph Johnson, Ibid., 217.
Ann Taylor Allen, Ibid., 23.
^*Michell Perrot, “Stepping Out,” in Geneviève Fraisse & Michelle Perrot eds.. Ibid, 451.
Ann Taylor Allen, “The Personal and the Political: Social Origins of Maternal Feminism, 1800-1848,” Ibid.,
51.
Michell Perrot, Ibid., 451.
Ann Taylor Allen, Ibid., 58; Arm Taylor Allen, “The Great Social Household: The Kindergarten and
Women's Mission, 1850-1864,” in Arm Taylor Allen, Ibid., 79.

16

feminists continued their fight by taking advantage o f the ambiguities in the liberals’
philosophies.^ During the same time period, throughout most o f Western Europe and the
I

United States, women fought for their right to participate in the social sphere and contribute
to the national family with varying amounts o f success.'*'
Gradually eugenics’ goal o f improving “the biological quality o f human
populations through the application o f the science of heredity"^^ came to be accepted and
motherhood was identified as a purely biological role. Mothers were advised to consult their
physicians for advice on child rearing and development.'*^ In response, theorists such as the
Swedish feminist Ellen Key, (1849-1926) argued that, “the relationship between mother and
child contains the origins of those customs and beliefs through which the altruistic and
sympathetic feelings of humanity are developed to a new strength and a greater extent.’’'*'*
Two German feminists, Helene Simon (1862-1947) and Adele Gerhard (1868-1959),
influenced by Ellen Key stated in their book that “the ’spiritual power that is expressed
through the devotion and strength o f motherly influence’ could not be reproduced by a
hireling.”**
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, an American feminist, (1815-1902) and Hedwig Dohm,
a German feminist, (1833-1919) did not agree with Ellen Key. They argued against her

"Ibid., 79.
Jane Eirington, “Pioneers and Suffragists,’’ in Sandra Burt, Lorraine Code, Lindsay Domey ed.. Changing
Patterns: Women in Canada, I** ed. (Toronto; The Canadian Publishers, 1993), 77.
" Ann Taylor Alien, “Motherhood, Culture, and Evolution: Some New Perspectives, 1890-1914,’’ Ibid., 157.
" Ann Taylor Allen, “Motherhood as Choice: The Campaign for Reproductive Rights, 1908-1914, Ibid., 203
** Cited from Ann Taylor Allen, “Motherhood, Culture, and Evolution, ” Ibid., 161, original quote from Ellen
Key, Missbrauchte Frauenkraft: Ein Essay ( l“ ed., 1898; reprinted Berlin, 1911), 23.
Cited from Ann Taylor Allen, Ibid., 165, original quote from Helene Simon & Adele Gerhard, Muttersckaft
and Geistige Arbeit (Berlin, GJteimer, 1901), 6-7, and http://fclibr.library.umass.edu ?search?as.. .2,
E/frameset&asimon+helene<-1862+l947&2„2 (01/07/99 8:50 PM).

17

belief that a biological mother was the best person to raise her child. For example, Ann
Taylor Allen states that:
[Hedwig] Dohm gently ridiculed authors such as Key, Geriiard, and Simon and
their reverential cult of mother>love. Mothertiood, she insisted, did not
automatically confer sainthood. Many mothers were exceedingly unqualified
parents, and children were often better off in the hands of trained child-care
workers
[using] the best and most scientific principles.^^
Most people did not agree with Hedwig Dohm’s suggestions.

Her comments, however,

together with a declining birth rate, high infant mortality, and an abundance o f sickly infants
pointed to motherhood as “a major key to a healthy population.”^’ Mothers, or rather poor
maternal training and a lack o f breast-feeding, were blamed.

While state intervention

through the introduction of scientific practices reduced infant mortality and improved the
health of infants, it also reduced mothers’ control over child rearing.^^
Some European and North American feminists, while supporting state assistance
for infants, also advocated for mothers’ rights. The acceptance, however, o f the racist and
classist philosophies of the eugenics movement by many feminists rather than the more
liberal policies o f equality which feminists had supported in the past set a dangerous
precedent. It encouraged the belief that the dominant middle class was the ideal, and that
women firom it should help other groups to achieve the same standards o f child-rearing. It
also encouraged the belief that state intervention with scientific principles was needed to
improve the quality of humans produced.**’ These two beliefs effectively created a space for

^ Ann Taylor Allen, Ibid, 168, paraphrasing Hedwig Dohm, Die Mutter (Berlin, 1903); Renate Duelli-Klein,
“Hedwig Dohm: Passionate Theorist,” in Dale Spender(ed.), Ibid.,, 174, also presents Hedwig Dohm’s thesis
that “not every woman ... should be by nature a gifted mother.”
Jeffrey Weeks, “The Population Question in the Early Twentieth Century,” in Sex, Politics & Society: The
regulation o f sexuality since ISOO (London: Longman, 1981), 127.
^ Ibid., & Arm Taylor Allen, Ibid., 177.
Arm Taylor Allen, “Motherhood as Choice,” Ibid., 188-205.

18

individuals of authority or experts allowing them to “enter the picture,” thus reducing
mothers’ agency and introducing scientific mothering.
The introduction of Scientific Motherhood, as mothering using scientific
principles was called, followed closely on the heels o f the introduction o f Scientific
Management (1880-1920) and home maintenance’s transformation into a domestic science.^”
At about this time ‘experts’ took on the task of deciding the best method to raise children,
just as they took over as professional researchers from so-called amateurs in most o f the
other sciences, such as biology, chemistry, and astronomy.^'

Women lost their right to

participate as equals with the men in the new science - specifically, they lost ground in their
struggle to gain the right to make decisions affecting their own and their children’s lives.
Scientific mothertiood “required that mothers . . . read and follow the advice of
scientifically trained experts”^^

Researchers in the new science o f psychology offered

mothers scientific principles to help them raise better citizens. The first direct intervention
by psychology was John B. Watson’s behavioural or regulatory approach to child raising. He
wrote, “give me a dozen healthy infants. . . and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and
train him to become any type of specialist I might select.

After the Second World War,

the behavioural approach was jettisoned, for the permissive approach. The one constant was
that it was a mother’s fault if her child did not become a responsible adult.^^ Mothers were
advised not to attempt any moulding o f the child^^ and were relegated to the role of assistants

® Barbara Ehrenreich & Deirdre English, For Her Own Good: ISO Years o f the Experts ' Advice to Women
(New York: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1978), 146.
Ibid., ISO; Clarisa W. Atkinson, “Motherhood Reformed: The Parson’s Wife and Her Children,” in The
Oldest Vocation: Christian Motherhood in the Middle Ages (Ithica: Cornell University Press, 1991) 199; Pnina
Abir-am & Dorinda Outram. Ibid., 3.
“ Shari L. Thurer, “Fall fix>m Grace: Twentieth-Cenhiry Mom,” Ibid., 235.
^ Ibid.. 236
** Ibid., 278-279.
"Ib id ., 191.

19

who meticulously made charts and left their interpretation to the experts/^ “On top o f the
prescribed additions to mom’s job duties, there was a prescription for her inner state. From
now on, she was expected to be fulfilled by mothering.’’^^
The 1960s heralded the advent of contemporary feminism.

Concurrently,

feminists began critiquing the “impossible psychic demands heaped on mothers ... [and]
motheftiood [as] one o f the major institutions that oppressed women and prevented them
from taking more active control of their lives.”** They wrote ‘antimotherhood tracts’ such as
Shulamit Firestone’s The Dialectic o f Sex (1970) and Ellen Peck’s The Baby Trap (1971).*’
Many other women, including myself, were involved at a grass-roots level in birthing groups
such as The Boston Women’s Health Collective and Mission Childbirth Education
Association whose focus was “natural childbirth” and mother-controlled birthing.

We

accepted the ideology of motherhood and did not realise the incongruencies within it and
with our own independence until after our children were bom. Some o f us found that our
careers and children did not mix, others attempted to be superwomen and maintain their
involvement in the workforce. Feminist such as Andrienne Rich revised our understanding
o f mother’s oppression and found “patriarchy to be the oppressor, and not mothediood,
which is only a product of patriarchy.”^
During the 1960s Betty Friedan began mapping “the territory of women’s
discontent in contemporary times” in her book The Feminine Mystique.

Her work

established the “basis and parameters of the modem version o f the woman question’ [or]. . .

^ Barbara Ehrenreich & Deirdre English, “The Psychodynamics o f the Family,” in Ibid., 197.
” Shari L. Thurer, Ibid., 256
“ ibid., 265.
“ ibid.
"ib id .

20

‘a problem without a name’” as we understand it today. “The problem without a name” was
the belief that “women. . . were supposed to be content and fulfilled (and were ‘sick’ if they
were not).”

‘Sick’ referred to the short-sighted conclusion by society that a woman’s

discontentment with her role was a result o f internal deficiencies.^' Because the previous
history o f feminists had been forgotten, Betty Friedan reconstructed, “The knowledge that
women’s disenchantment, sense o f emptiness, was a realistic and rational response to the
circumstances in which they found themselves, and far from finding deficiencies in
themselves, they would be well advised to take a closer look at the circumstances.”^^ Her
work was the precursor o f what is today commonly referred to as ‘the second wave o f
feminism.’ Her theory that it is our social system rather than individual deficiencies that
cause disenchantment with one’s life, was instrumental in helping me analyse my data. It
challenged me to identify the factors in their social environments that resulted in the
women’s experiences as mothers rather than attempting to find pathologies in them or their
reactions to the experiences.
Mothering Here and Now
The commonly accepted history o f how motherhood evolved has resulted in the
beliefs that biology equips women to be mothers, women never fought for equal parenting
rights with their children’s fathers, and women are unable to parent effectively without
professional advice. This ideology was formed and is maintained in Western society by a
system that writes history firom the perspective of white men in power and privileges the
view that maintains their control. Consequently, our culture's norms and the social roles

Dale Spender, “Modem Feminist Theorists; Reinventing Rebellion,” in Dale Spender, Ibid., 367
“ ibid.

21

individuals are assigned are also incorporated into h i s t o r y T h e s e norms imply that a
mother's role is to assume full responsibility for child-care and specify what duties she is
expected to perform in this role. Mothers are judged 'good' if they are unselfish and meet all
their children's needs and bad if they cannot meet all their children's needs. The latter
judgement frequently does not acknowledge the reality that many mothers have insufficient
resources or power to meet their children's needs.

If these mothers attempt to voice

complaints about the system, their voices are silenced with threats o f being judged
irresponsible or unfit mothers.^ In addition, as my history o f mothering shows, this ideology
is not accurate. Women resisted erosion o f their rights in the past and, as Figure 1 indicates,
they are still doing so today.
The ideology about motherhood is, as Dorothy Smith states, supported by “the
enormous literature on the relation of family socialisation and educational attainment, in
which the role of the mother takes on such a prominent part."^^ In our culture, when a
woman becomes a new mother she is enculturated into the practices o f scientific motherhood.
For example, pamphlets and publications for new parents, visits by the health nurse (the
community’s representative), and advertisements for baby products are usually targeted at
mothers because it is assumed that they will be their child’s primary care provider. The
pressure to conform and meet society’s expectations o f how to be a good mother are hard to
resist and most women acquiesce to them.^

‘^Judith P. Zinsser, ‘Traditional Histories,” in Ibid., 3-15.
^^The following authors address the incongruencies in mothers' roles and what happens when mothers speak up.
Jane Swigart, “The Fear o f Knowing,” The Myth o f the Bad Mother (New York: Avon Books, 1991) 91-109;
Kathy Weingarten, The Mother's Voice (New York: Guilford Press, 1994) 1-83,209-215.
“ Dorothy E. Smith, “A Peculiar Eclipsing: Women’s Exclusion &om Man’s Culture,” The Everyday World as
Problematic: A Feminist Sociology (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1987), 2 1.
“ Jill Julius Matthews, “Management of the Gender Order,” in Good And Mad Women: The Historical
Construction o f Feminity in Twentieth-Century Australia (Sydney: George Allen & Unwin, 1984), 99-103.

22

Figure 1: “If its natural, I don’t want anyone telling me how to do it. ,i67

Now remember, just relax and you’ll be fine.
Remember you have all those handbooks on
parenting with advice of the the professionals
to guide you!

natural
have professionals

0

” Jill Matthews, “Mothering,” in Good and Mad Women: The Historical Construction o f Feminitiy in
Twentieth-Century Australia (Sydney, George Allen & Unwin, 1984), 175.

23

When I b ^ a n my research and was looking for mothers willing to participate as
co-researchers, my casual conversations with members o f the general public and professional
caregivers surprised me. They did not recognise living apart from one’s children as just
another child-care strategy. The generally stated view was that women without their children
would be bad mothers, likely on welfare, and probably substance abusers. These stereotypes
are likely maintained because in Canada and the United States the most readily available
research about mothers without their children is about those with the previously mentioned
characteristics. Here are two examples of current literature available about these mothers.
The first study is “Impact o f Maternal Alcoholism on Separation o f Children
From Their Mothers: Findings From a Sample of Incarcerated Women” by Margaret E.
Goldberg, et al. (1996). It examines the co-residence among twenty-five alcoholic women
incarcerated for drunk driving, looks at drinking patterns for the mothers and their partners,
as well as the mother’s sexual and reproductive behaviour, woric history, and socio­
demographic background. It also looks at patterns of children’s and mother’s residence and
what the children’s living arrangements were when they were not living with their mother.
The study shows that only eight out o f twenty-two mothers in the study were living with their
children immediately before their incarceration. The main finding o f the study was that
extended separations for a mother from her children were associated with her level of
dependency on alcohol (degree & length) and her oldest child’s age. This study provides a
thorough examination o f the appropriateness o f the child-protective placements. It is less
thorough in presenting the preconditions that led to the mother’s drinking or substance use

24

and states that in most instances the research did not indicate conclusively which event,
separation from their children or substance abuse, came frrst/^
A second study, by Susan Zuravin and Geofrey Grief (1989), “Low-Income
Mothers Without Custody: Who are They and Where Are Their Children?” looks at eight
mothers who lost custody of their children during the previous seventeen months. The cohort
group for the study is 518 urban mothers on financial assistance, who had low education and
little work experience. Compared to those mothers who did not lose custody o f their children
the eight that did had more mental health problems, including depression, and substance
abuse problems. The study shows that neglectful mothers with mental health issues such as
depression were more likely to get sicker and have their children placed in some form o f
foster care than are mothers on financial assistance including those who had a previous
history o f abusing their children.*’ The researchers posed the question were “sufficient
services [being provided] soon enough to these families” or were the mothers being left to
manage until their “mental health problems [had] deteriorated to the point where they [were]
virtually intractable?”’’ I too wonder what would have happened if more resources were
available to help these mothers?
The information I have presented thus far about our cultural heritage” and the
research concerning motherhood is an example o f the data available to members o f our
society. It is the data used when we develop our schemas and stereotypes about mothering

" Margaret E. Goldberg, Barbara W. Lex, Nancy K. Mello, Jack H Mendelson, Tommie A. Bower, ‘Impact of
Maternal Alcoholism on Separation of Children From Their Mothers: Findings From a Sample o f Incarcerated
Women,” in American Journal o f Orthopsychiatry 66 no. 2 (1996): 228-238.
^ Susan Zuravin & Geof&ey Greif, “Low-Income Mothers Without Custody: Who Are They and Where Are
Their ClaldKa?” in Journal o f Sociology & Social Welfare 16(1989): 163-180.
™Ibid., 176.
“Our cultural heritage,” “our western culture,” or “our society,” etc. throughout my thesis refers to cultures
such as our Canadian one that have been strongly influenced by the social ideologies of Western Europe such as
the scientific method, industrialisation, and so forth.

25

and mothers who live apart &om their children. It is part o f the available information that
contributes to the maps or plans that each o f us develops that enable us to make sense o f the
relationship among the parts o f our social environment or culture. Our maps help us organise
seemingly unconnected stimuli associated with the social and physcial environment humans
have created. Communication between individuals and groups requires that we share a
common understanding o f how our culture operates. This shared knowledge usually includes
the beliefs and values of what role each category o f people is assigned to perform.^'
Unfortunately, the three categories of gender, race, and class frequently form the
basis of role assignments. Our socialisation works to inculcate our acceptance o f our roles
and their associated stereotypical behaviours. This occurs because our behaviour is
reinforced or sanctioned to the degree that it conforms to, or differs from, the accepted
behaviour norms of our assigned roles. Reinforcement and sanctions act as regulators to
produce, maintain, and eliminate behaviours with respect to the role expectations for a
particular person or group o f persons.^^
Patriarchy, as it is practised in our culture, is the structure "created by men in order to sustain
and recreate male power and female subordination.

Such structures include . . . [the]

socialisation process to ensure that women and men develop behaviour and belief systems
appropriate to the powerful or less powerful groups to which they belong.”’'* This
socialisation usually results in both those with and without power believing in the legitimacy
o f the power. It results in a form o f polarisation in which those individuals in power "look

” Jim E. Alcock, D. W. (Bill) Cannent, & Stan W. Sadava, “Social Perception and Cognition,” in A Textbook o f
Social Psychology
ed. (Scarborough: Prentice Hall Canada Inc., 1994), 62-105. This chapter provides an
introduction to schema formation.
” William B. Gudykunst, “Understanding Group Differences,” in Bridging Differences: Effective Intergroup
Communication,
ed. (Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1994), 37.
Robyn Rowland and Renate Klein, “Radical Feminism: History, Politics, Action,” in Diane Beil & Renate
Klein, Radically Speaking: Feminism Reclaimed, (North Melbourne: Spinifex Press, 1996) 15.

26

out for their own interest and have little or no concern for others’ interests.”’* In reality they
do not even recognise that other people are marginalised or have so little agency that they are
unable to meet their own needs.
People are marginalised when they live on the ‘margins’ o f society or far away
from the centres of power and control where their voices are not heard and their experiences
are denied. As stated by Sandra Kirby and Kate McKenna:
The margin refers to the context in which those who suffer injustice, inequality
and exploitation live their lives. Knowledge production is also organised so that
the views o f a small group of people are presented as ‘The Truth.’ The majority
of people are excluded from participating as either producers or participants in
the creation o f knowledge.’*
What is accepted as knowledge influences its creation and also what is understood as reality.
As Sandra Kirby and Kate McKenna put forth, “most o f us have not had the opportunity to
research, to create knowledge which is rooted in and representative o f [our] experience. We
have been excluded from participating in, describing and analysing our own understanding of
reality.””

This results in our women’s and especially marginalised women’s experiences

being denied or not acknowledged.

When marginalised people’s experiences go

unacknowledged and their interpretations are denied, their knowledge is, as I discuss in
Chapter 2, not included in the formation o f our culture’s beliefs, ideologies, and history, and
their agency is reduced.
Agency is the ability or power to make decisions based on one’s own needs and
desires in matters that primarily affect oneself.

It is, as Lorraine Code states, the

Gudykunst, “Communicating With Strangers,” Ibid., 2.
Sandra KiAy & Kate McKenna, “Forward,” to Experience, Research, Social Change: Methods from the
Margins (Toronto: Gramond Press, 1989), 7.
^ Sandra Kirby & Kate McKenna, “Introduction,” to Ibid., 16.

27

“possibilit[y] for effective, independent action.”^* Agency empowers individuals to control
the events in their own lives free o f other people’s excessive control or unwarranted social
constraints. Agency through empowerment provides access to the power necessary to obtain
needed resources. In our western culture, patriarchy specifies how agency is assigned. It is
based on the ideology that gives some individuals (white males in power) the right to
dominate other individuals (females, the less affluent, and people o f colour), to organise our
society’s structure, and control the means o f production. The less agency a person is given
by the ideology, the lower his/her rank in the class, gender, racial hierarchy and the less
agency a person in that particular role has to control his or her means o f production or to
access the resources (s)he requires to sustain his or herself.
In the western world, the role o f mother is assigned to a particular gender
category - women. The role a mother is expected to fulfill as a parent and the agency she is
given, is defined within the context of her gender category. Class, race, and gender effect
how her other roles are interpreted and what options she has to fulfill them.^° Two problems
may arise for her when the generally accepted beliefs about a group o f people she is a
member o f are too narrow and her actual experiences are not acknowledged. First, it limits
her available options. For a mother who lives separate firom her child(ren) this may prevent
her fit)m meeting her children’s and her own needs.

Second, and definitely more

problematic, it may cause her to exhibit unhealthy behaviours. In this case, as my quote firom

^ Loname Code, “Chapter One: How Do We Know? Questions of Method in Feminist Practice," in Sandra
Burt & Lorraine Code, eds Changing Methods: Feminists Tranrforming Practice (Peterborough: Broadview
Press, 1995), 27.
” Dorothy E. Smith, “A Sociology for Women” Ibid., 54-56. Her work provides an excellent analysis of power
assigned to particular social classes.
Arme Bishop, “Step 2: Understanding Different Oppressions,” in Becoming an Aliy: Breaking the Cycle o f
Oppression (Halifax: Ferawood Publishing, 1994), 64.

28

Betty Friedan on page 19 suggests, the behaviour should not be attributed to the individual
but rather to the circumstances or social systems that brought it forth.
Chapter two begins by briefly highlighting some o f the theories about our social
system or the structures that serve to control how our communities function. It then goes on
to describe the specific theories and methods I used to conduct my research. It also provides
insights into why feminists do research that includes women’s voices firom the margins and
how they obtain their data.

CHAPTER TWO
THEORETICAL BACKGROUND & METHODOLOGY

Philosophical debates such as those put forth by Simone de Beauvoir support the
argument that tradition rather than biology determines how the social world is organised.'
Many factors contribute to the beliefs and values that determine what social structure our
culture embraces and why, as the dominant group or dominated group, we accept this system.
Activists such as Paulo Freire, Donna Haraway, and bell hooks challenge us to assess our
values and beliefs and develop ones more congruent with a world that works for all o f the
earth’s inhabitants." They appear to share Anne Bishop’s dream o f "a world based on co­
operation, negotiation, and universal respect for the innate value o f every creature on earth
and the Earth herself.”^ The theories that these activists have developed point to our
culture’s social structure as the problem and help us to understand how it results in
oppression for some people. Theories do not, however, change prejudice and discrimination
by themselves. Research that exposes specific forms o f discrimination and develops methods
to transform the systems that maintain it are necessary to effect change.'*
Socialisation is the process whereby we learn what behaviour or response is
appropriate for our gender and position in our community. It includes the processes we use
to organise our experiences with our social and natural environments into theories. These

‘ Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (New York: Vintage Books, 1952), xv-xxiv.
■See Peter McLaren and Peter Leonard, eds. Paulo Freire: A Critical Encounter (London: Routledge, 1993),
Donna Haraway, Primate Visions: Gender, Race and Nature in the World o f Modem Science (New York:
Routledge, 1989), and bell books. Killing Rage: Ending Racism (New York: Henry Holt & Co., 1995), for
examples of activists working towards ending racism and sexism.
^ Arme Bishop, “Step 6: Maintaining Hope,” in Becoming an Ally: Breaking the Cycle o f Oppression (Halifax:
Femwood Publishing, 1994), 124.
* Jim Alcock, Bill Garment, & Stan Sadava, A Textbook o f Social Psychology 3"^ ed. (Scarborough: Prentice
Hall, 1994) is an example of textbooks that describe how social behaviours are developed and change.

30

theories or personal explanations o f how things work help us make sense o f and interact with
our environment. “Constructivism” is one theory that helps explain how we develop our
initial theories or beliefs about events, active agents such as people and animals, and objects.
It is an especially useful theory for my purposes because it is congruent with the feminist
framework o f how we gain knowledge, develop theories, and transform social systems and
structures.^

History indicates that activists and social reformers, including feminists,

understood and used the processes we now call constructivism to negotiate reform long
before the theory became public knowledge.^
Constructivism’s main premise is that a person construct his or her own meaning
or understanding about how things operate from personal observations. This theory by Carol
Muritzen and Michael Jaeger “recognise[s] that [someone else’s] perspective cannot be
transmitted directly, but must be constructed by [each person] for themselves, through a
process of building on what they already know and gradually elaborating the framework
within which they know it.”^ This theory explains transformation in beliefs or knowledge as
occurring through one o f two processes. First, individuals form new beliefs and expand their
understanding of their world by a process of building on previous knowledge. Second,
individuals may be prompted to challenge a previous belief and substitute an alternate
explanation if sufficient dissonance develops through interactions with their personal

^ Lorraine Code “How Do We Know? Questions of Method in Feminist Practice," in Sandra Burt & Lorraine
Code, eds. Changing Methods: Feminists Transforming Practice (Peterborough; Broadview Press, 1995), 21;
Colin Scott, “Science for the West, Myth for the Rest,” in Laura Nader ed. Naked Science: Anthropological
Inquiry into Boundaries, Power, and Knowledge (New Yoric; Routledge, 1996), 73; and Karen M. Fox,
“Leisure,” in Karen J. Warren ed. Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature (Bloomington: Indiana University
Press, 1997), 164.
* Renate Duelli*Klein, “Hedwig Dohm: Passionate Theorist (1833-1919)” in Dale Spender, ed. Feminist
Theorists: Three Centuries o f Key WomenThinkers (New York: Pantheon Books, 1983), 165-183, provides an
example of one woman activist who used constructivist” principles of education and awareness before they
were widely accepted.
^ Carol Laimtzen & Michael Jaeger, “Constructivism: A Theory o f Learning,” in Integrating Learning Through
Story: The Narrative Curriculum (Albany: Dehnar Publishers, 1997), 58.

31

environment/

Feminist research takes advantage of both processes to effect social

transformation. At times the feminist researcher creates new knowledge that adds to our
existing knowledge. At other times the new knowledge challenges our previous beliefs
creating dissonance that encourages us to change our previous interpretations o f events.
Research from the margins is about social change.

It is about creating

knowledge with people from the margins in a manner that describes, explains, and helps
them change the world in which they live.^ Feminists have identified patriarchy, “the historic
system of male dominance” "^ that oppresses some individuals and privileges others, as a
major problem. Patriarchy has many facets or faces that maintain it, such as written history,
mainstream research, and socialisation." When individuals of different genders or cultural
backgrounds are judged differently for similar behaviours, discrimination that originates with
the prejudicial patriarchal values our culture embraces is likely involved. Feminists have
developed methods to examine the problems oppression causes in people’s lives and the
influences that reinforce the dominant social values." Their theories and methods can help
beginning researchers, like me, develop a workable process to research a specific form of
oppression.
In the remainder o f this chapter, 1 explain the process and theories that 1 used in
exploring my thesis topic, “Mothers who live apart from their children." First, 1 describe

‘ Ibid., 47-77.
‘ Sandra Kirby & Kate McKenna, “Introduction,’' to Experience, Research, Social Change: Methods from the
Margins (Toronto: Garamond Press, 1989), 17.
'"Robyn Rowland & Renate Klein, “Radical Feminism: History, Politics, Action,’’ in Dianne Bell & Renate
Klein, eds. Radically Speaking: Feminism Reclaimed (North Melbourne: Spinifex, 1996), 14.
" Dorothy E. Smith, “A Peculiar Eclipsing: Women’s Exclusion from Man’s Culture,’’ in The Everyday World
as Problematic: A Feminist Sociology (Toronto: University o f Toronto Press, 1987), 19-34 discusses the
problems women experience because they are excluded from creating knowledge (writing history or doing
science).
Ibid., 34- 36, See Dorothy E. Smith for an introduction to how as feminists we can begin to create social
change.

32

some of the feminist theories and methods that contributed to my understanding of
oppression and then I outline the methods I used during my research.
Feminist Theories
Feminist research is different fiom other research, not because o f the methods
used, but rather because of the researcher’s goals and understanding o f how and who creates
knowledge. Feminist researchers believe that, in the past, most knowledge has been created
from the standpoint of the oligarchy to maintain their sovereignty. Feminist researchers aim
to unmask the tacit biases of this knowledge and attempt to correct the misconceptions
produced by the so-called objective and neutral “scientific method” o f determining universal
truths typically used in research.'^

To achieve this goal, they have modified old, and

developed new, research methods that piromote the inclusion o f the voices and perspectives
of those individuals formerly excluded firom knowledge creation.
Mothers who live apart fix>m their children live at least this part o f their lives at
the margins of society. Their status as mothers firequently goes unacknowledged and their
experiences are not included when public policy or societal beliefs are developed or formed.
This invisibility is disempowering because it denies their experiences as individuals and
members o f society and prevents their participation in knowledge

formation.'^

Consequently, their invisibility promotes the continuation o f stereotypes, prejudicial attitudes
and discriminatory behaviours that are not based on reality and which are likely to go
unchallenged as long as their experiences are denied.'^

"ibid., “Introduction," 1-6, for a discussion of the knowledge creation that is congruent with the ruling classes
objectives.
" Ibid., “A Sociology of Women,” 95.
" See Jim Alcock, Bill Garment, & Stan Sadava, “Prejudice, Discrimination and Sexism” Ibid., 220-261, for a
discussion on the formation and maintenance o f stereotypes.

33

How does my research on mothers who live apart from their children contribute
to the goals o f feminist research? What contribution might it make to increase women’s
agency? I sought the answers to these questions by examining the work o f feminists who are
recognised for their understanding of feminist research.

Shulamit Reinharz writes that

feminist research, “strives to represent human diversity, — [is] guided by feminist theory,. .
. frequently includes the researcher as a person, [and]. . . aims to create social change.”'^
Further, feminist research seeks to reveal and alter the systems and structures o f subjugation
and control through critical inquiry.'^
Social transformation is one o f the main goals o f feminist research. Participatory
research is one method researchers use to improve the lives o f those being studied, transform
fundamental social structures and patterns of relating, and develop critical consciousness. It
does so through a three-step process o f investigation, education, and action.'^

In my

research, my understanding of feminist methods such as grounded theory, case studies,
reflexive analysis, ethnography, and collective action guides my interpretation o f these steps.
Feminist Standpoint Theory, as developed by Dorothy Smith, contributes to my analysis o f
how our culture’s structure contributes to the oppression o f mothers who live apart from their
children.
Participatory research is one type o f qualitative research.

Similar to other

qualitative research it is concerned with the meanings both the researcher and the researched
use to construct their understanding o f reality.

It is a systematic method o f knowledge

creation with the goal of personal and social metamorphosis. At its core is an understanding

Shulamit Reinharz, “Conclusions,” Feminist Methods in Social Research (New York: Oxford University
Press, 1992), 240.
'^Patricia Maguire, “Dififerent Lenses for Viewing Reahty; Pardigms and Research,” in Doing Participatory
Research: a fem inist approach (Amherst; Center for International Education, 1987), IS.

34

that there is more than one method o f creating knowledge and more than one way of
explaining beliefs, thoughts, actions, and material reality. Transformation is achieved by
developing a critical consciousness in those individuals who participate in this form of
research and in those with whom the research is shared.'^ Participatory researchers seek to
understand how the fabric or paradigm that guides our understanding o f reality is created and
maintained by developing a critical mindset that is a combination o f self-reflection and
understanding. Part o f this understanding is that our social system is unjust to some o f its
members and that what we accept as natural is not a result o f unaltered nature but a construct
o f civilisation."^

Participatory researchers are concerned with freeing individuals from

oppressive systems and empowering them to begin creating a social order that is based on
equality and respect for all inhabitants of our planet Earth.
A short detour is necessary before proceeding to describe Feminist Standpoint
Theory and Grounded Theory. My literature review revealed that there are disagreements in
academia about what these terms mean. Dorothy Smith, one o f the main contributors to
Feminist Standpoint Theory, appears to have a different interpretation o f it than do Janice
Ristock and Joan Pennel.^' Likewise, Barney G. Glaser and Anselm L. Strauss, the founders
o f Grounded Theory, have different perspectives about what constitutes Grounded
Methodology.^

A lengthy review o f the academic debate about who is accurately

representing or misrepresenting either their own or other scholars’ contributions to the field

Ibid., “Adjusting the Lens: Participatory Research,’’ 29.
Ibid., “Introduction,’’ 3,5.
™Ibid., “Different Lenses for Viewing Reality: Paradigms and Research," 14.
Dorothy Smith, Ibid., and Janice L. Ristock and Joan Pennell, “Empowerment as a Framework for
Commimity Research, ” in Community Research as Empowerment: Feminist Links, Postmodern Interruptions
(Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1996), 5.
^ Anselm L. Strauss & Juliet Corbin, “Preface," to Basic o f Qualitative Research: Grounded Theory
Procedures and Techniques (Newbury Park: Sage Publications, 1990), 8.

35

o f feminist research is clearly outside the goals o f my thesis and therefore I will not include
one. However, recognising that there is confusion about the substance o f the theories and
methods 1 am using obligates me to reduce the likelihood o f miscommunication by alerting
my readers that that there are different interpretations and to clearly state the ones 1 am using.
Feminist Standpoint Theory
Feminist Standpoint Theory, as articulated by Dorothy Smith in The Everyday
World as Problematic (1987), examines the world from the viewpoint of the absent or
invisible woman. She advocates beginning one’s research by creating a space to be filled
during the research with the presence and experiences o f real women talking about their own
lives and exploring the connections between the subject o f inquiry and their relationship with
those in power.^ Similar to grounded theory, she proposes that it is necessary to go beyond
the descriptive and develop methods o f thinking that preserves the subjects’ presence while
explicating or explaining their relations to their community.

Agreeing with Shulamit

Reinharz, Dorothy Smith frequently advocates triangulation or investigating what one is
researching from multiple points of view. This research method, studying something from
different angles, is unlikely to encourage the reduction o f knowledge to a single standpoint or
view. Instead, it is likely to promote a more comprehensive view o f what is being studied
similar to what I was called to develop in biology and will explain shortly.
Feminist Standpoint Theory respects women’s understanding o f how their lives
are lived within the confines of society’s structure.^ This theory includes the recognition that
western society is more complex than Marxist theories o f social relations presume. It also

“ Dorothy Smith, “Introduction” Ibid.. 5: The Evervdav World as Problematic Ibid., 106.
Ibid.. 117.
“ Dorothy Smith, “A Sociology for Women,” Ibid., 84.

36

includes the understanding that the feminist researcher will participate in the research as a
subject as well as the researcher. The latter is often facilitated with the researcher using logs
and journals to document the research process and their thoughts and feelings during data
collection and analysis.^^ In writing up research, the researcher includes her/himself as
subject when (s)he makes her/his interaction with the other participants and data visible.
Feminist Standpoint Theory attempts to separate the social meaning we attach to
something such as an event or object ftom it as a separate identity.

Researchers using

Feminist Standpoint Theory study the influences o f human interpretation. Once we have
separated some aspect of humanity into what is observed versus how the observation is
interpreted, even if we do so imperfectly, we can begin to analyse both components
separately. Studying how socialisation influences our relationships with each other helps us
identify the filter or lens through which we view something and give meaning to it. Thus it
helps us recognise that different understandings are possible. This empowers us to see new
relationships and construct different realities than the interpretations that we normally take as
givens that oppress some people and privilege others."^
Laurel Richardson proposes that crystallisation replace triangulation, because
the central image for ‘validity’ . . . is not the triangle - a rigid, fixed, twodimensional object. Rather, ftie central image is the crystal, which combines
symmetry and substance with an infinite variety o f shapes, substances,
transmutation, multidimensionalities, and angles o f approach. Crystals grow,
change, alter, but are not amorphous.^^
Her discussion about crystallisation is similar to my discussion, which follows, about the
focal lengths used in biology. As she notes, how one sees something is influenced by one’s

Dorothy Smith, “Ibid., 56; “The Everyday World as Problematic: A Feminist Methodology,” Ibid 115;
Sandra KM y & Kate McKenna, Ibid., 20-21.
See Dorothy Smith, “Institutional Ethnography,” 155-157 for a discussion of socialisation as part o f actual
experience.

37

own experiences and who one is as a person. She further expounds that “writing is a process
of discovery. . . . The researcher’s self-knowledge and knowledge o f the topic develops
through experimentation with point o f view, tone texture, sequencing, metaphor, and so
on.’’^^ My analysis in chapters 3 and 4 are examples of analysing the same data in two
different manners. The way I position myself in each determines what type o f analysis I did
and how I interpreted the data.
My understanding of the feminist research process is strongly influenced by my
undergraduate studies in Biology, Organic Chemistry and Social Psychology. None o f these
three areas o f study, as taught by my instructors, incorporated the dominant discourse of
positivism - that there is only one truth.^° Instead, my instructors freely acknowledged that
there was more than one ‘truth’ and more than one method to study something. In retrospect,
their pedagogy appeared to be informed by the alternate discourse on science as discussed by
authors such as Donna Haraway, David Hess, Maria Mies, Vandana Shiva, Joni Seager,
Lynda Birke and Ruth Hubbard. Similarily to my science teachers, these authors believe that
understanding or knowledge can be gained through multiple observations and identifying the
patterns that emerge.^' My instructors acknowledged that the environment influenced how
chemicals, organisms or people reacted.^^

^ Laurel Richardson, “Writing: A Method of Inquiry,” in Norman K Denzin & Yvonna S. Lincoln, eds. Ibid.,
522.
^ Ibid., 523.
^"Dorothy Smith, “A Peculiar Eclipsing,” Ibid., 17 and Patricia Maquire, Ibid., 13,14.
Donna Haraway, Ibid., David Hess, Science & Technology: In a Multicultural World (New York: Columbia
University Press, 1995), Maria Mies & Vandana Shiva, Ecofeminism (Halifax; Femwood Publications, 1993),
Joni Seager, Earth Follies: Coming to Feminist Terms with the Global Environmental Crisis (New York:
Routledge, 1993), and Lynda Birke & Ruth Hubbard, eds Reinventing Biology (Bloomington: Indiana
University Press, 1995).
32 For example, a high or low atmospheric pressure, as indicated by the barometer reading, may delay or
prevent a chemical reaction from proceeding to completion or hasten the reaction and it may also influence
people’s well being and thus their reactions.

38

My first year biology instructor, for instance, began our first class by discussing
that the view we have of an organism, or a community o f organisms depends on the
‘viewpoint’ and tools we use to study it and that at times our prior knowledge o f something
can prevent us fi-om seeing what is before us. Throughout that course and my other biology
courses, the instructors frequently reminded us that the specimens we studied were part o f a
plant or animal and its community. We were asked to examine various aspects o f a particular
organism, recognise that each view contributed to a holistic understanding o f the organism,
and that each cell, organ, organ system, etc. contributed to the overall functioning o f the
organism. We learned that knowledge about all aspects o f the organism was necessary fi-om the interior o f the nucleus to the interaction o f the organism’s immediate community
with the cosmos — if we were to understand the organism fi*om a holistic level. We used
prepared slides and videos extensively as lab specimens to reduce the number o f organisms
we killed. We also learned to recognise the artefacts or items that we or the individuals who
prepared our lab specimens introduced into our research and not to mistake them as part of
what we were studying. This approach to research prepared me to be open to a complex
rather than a reductionist approach to research. Later I found that in feminist research, just as
in biological research, it is important to acknowledge that 1) the perspective from which 1
look at something influences what I see, 2) it is necessary to know about all aspects o f
something to understand it, 3) it is important to acknowledge my conceptual baggage and
what I am bringing into my research, 4) culture is subject to change and does not indicate
destiny (or in biology the dye my slide is prepared with is not an organism’s colour nor is the
reaction o f an organism to the fixative or dye part o f the organism’s normal reactions), and S)
subjects (organisms) are alive and feel pain - respect them!

39

Chemistry was another revelation for the instructor as well as for me. I had not
realised I was slightly colour blind and that I was not seeing or labelling the colours the same
way as did the other students. The instructor produced a chart so that the colour-blind
students could compare their results to agreed upon standards and have someone else check
the results for accuracy when necessary. Colour was not just a colour. It was constructed an agreed upon category -- and did not necessarily conform to what I actually saw. This
lesson was repeated to me in social psychology, but this time using language that is more
congruent with that of feminist research.
In social psychology I learned that what we perceive to be real is a construct.
This philosophy is shared by constructivism. Central to each o f these respective areas o f
enquiry is the idea that perceptions are based on the sum o f all we have observed, been
taught, and experienced, and are subject to change. Social psychologists study how our
perceptions are formed, how they control our actions, and how both our perceptions and
actions can be changed.^^ One method o f changing beliefs is to provide new information that
challenges old beliefs while simultaneously educating the recipients that acting in
congruence with the new information promotes the self-image they desire. An example o f
this is the Insurance Corporation o f British Columbia’s campaign against “Drinking and
Driving." This campaign educated us about the dangers o f drinking and driving and that
responsible people who care about their fellow human beings drive only when sober.
Statistical measurements indicate drinking and driving crashes decreased by approximately
50 percent by 1987 and a further 10 - 20 percent by 1995.^ Unconscious or conscious

See Jim Alcock, Bill Cannent, & Stan Sadai’3, Ibid., for a basic understanding o f social psychology.
ICBC, Road Safety: Drinking Driving Counter Attack (http://www.icbc.coni/safety/attack.html), Jime 16,
1999.

40

recognition that beliefs and actions are changeable and need to be changed is the impetus that
prompts activists, including feminist activists, to work toward transforming bow our social
system operates/^
Grounded Methodology
Grounded methodology or theory is a qualitative method o f inquiry developed by
Barney G. Glaser and Anselm L. Strauss/^ Like other qualitative research, it emphasises that
research is value-laden and “stresses the socially constructed nature o f reality, the intimate
relationships between researcher and what is studied, and the situational constraints that
shape inquiry.” It is flexible and subject to adaptation and redesigning during the research
process; collects data using field observation, interviews, and primary documents; and may
use qualitative, quantitative or both types o f data.^^ Grounded theory’s methodology is
committed to systematically gathering and analysing data. It is a general method o f theory
development and verification.

Theory evolves during the research process “through

continuous interplay between analysis and data collection. A central feature o f this analytic
approach is ‘a general method of (constant) comparative analysis’ . .

that develops theory

that is ’conceptually’ dense and contributes to the cumulative creation o f knowledge.^^ It is
an interpretative method o f research that includes the views and voices o f the people studied.

" See Janice L. Ristock & Joan Pennell, “introduction,” Ibid., ix, for an example of the assumption that social
change is possible. Also see Schulamit Reinharz, “Feminist Action Research,” Ibid., I7S for a discussion o f the
feminists research relationship to social change.
Barney G. Glaser & Anselm L. Strauss, The Discovery o f Grounded Theory: strategies fo r qualitative
research (New York: Aldine De Gruyter, 1967).
Norman K. Denzin & Yvonna S. Lincoln, “Introduction,” 2; Janice M. Morse, “Designing Funded Qualitative
Research, 218; Anslem Strauss & Juliet Corbin, “Grounded Theory Methodology: An Overview,” 274; in
Norman K Denzin & Yvonna S. Lincoln, eds. Handbook of Qualitative Research (Thousand Oaks: Sage
Publications, 1994) 2,218,274.
"Ib id ., 273.
"ib id ., 274.

41

Researchers accept responsibility for their interpretations and the data they select to include
in the finished product.^
Grounded feminist methodology does not presuppose research findings.

It

allows the subjects to speak from their own lived experience and systematically develops
theories that might explain what is happening. The researchers attempt to suspend their
personal hypotheses about the phenomenon. Theories are generated by interpreting the
reality under investigation, and are subsequently tested provisionally in relation to it. Data
analysis consists o f the researcherfs) looking for the themes and theories that emerge while
they work with the data. This is an inductive method o f data analysis because it goes firom
the particular data under study to develop theory rather than going fi-om the general theory
and looking for instances to test it."*'
Case studies either of a particular individual or group o f individuals who have
experienced similar events are one method the feminist researcher uses when conducting
grounded research. This method can enable a researcher to document what is happening for
a particular group o f people by "explor[ing] uncharted issues"^^ and telling their stories.'*^
The method can help a researcher “rectify research tainted by gynopia" or challenge the
“perceiving [of] women i n .. distorted ways.”^ As Shulamit Reinharz points out:
the case study is a tool o f feminist research that is used to document history
and generate theory. It defies the social science convention o f seeking
generalizations by looking instead for specificity, exceptions, and
completeness. . . . The power o f the case study to convey vividly the

«Ibid., 273,218.
David Dooley, “Theory; Tentative Explanations,'’ Social Research Methods, 3"* ed. (Englewood Cliffs:
Prentice HaU, 1995), 65.
Shulamit Reinharz, “Feminist Case Studies,” Ibid, 167.
Ibid., 171.
^Ibid., 168.

42

dimensions o f a social phenomenon or individual life is power that feminist
researchers want to utilize/^
1 chose to use multiple case studies with interviews in my research to explore and document a
previously uncharted area o f enquiry -- the experiences o f mothers who live apart from their
children and their feelings about those experiences. In choosing this method I acknowledged
that "historically, feminist researchers used interviews for social refbnn purposes" and that I
would use the knowledge that previous researchers contributed to the field of social trans­
formation to guide my research.^ After examining the available options, I believed that
gathering my data through interviews and developing multiple case studies using grounded
methodology which I interpreted using feminist standpoint theory was the best method to
meet my research objectives of telling these mothers’ stories and facilitate a reduction in their
oppression.
My Research Process
The first part of this chapter described the theories and methods 1 used in
developing my research that provided the epistemological ft-amework for my research. First,
1 outlined my perspective on how socialisation contributes to oppression and why social
transformation is necessary. Second, 1 briefly reviewed the goals of feminist research and the
specific methods and theories I chose to use such as participatory research, grounded
methodology and feminist standpoint theory. 1 also included a review o f how my education
contributed to my understanding of multiple perspectives o f the same event, object, or living
organism and an example of how social transformation can be actively managed by
providing new information. In this final section I turn my attention to describing the process

Ibid., 174,
^ Sheila M. Rothman, IVoman’s Proper Place: A History o f Changing Ideals and Practices, 1870 to the
Present (New Yoik: Basic Books, 1978), 53.

43

o f how I developed my research topic, found participants, and collected and analysed my
data. I present my method section or the process 1 used to conduct my research and prepare
my thesis in the same order I carried it out. This was:
1. Ethical considerations - setting up a research method that respects the sensitive nature of
my topic and the autonomy o f my co-researchers.
2. Getting ready - developing my research topic, preparing my interview questions, and
keeping track o f the process.
3. Participant selection - finding willing participants who met my research criteria.
4. Data collection - scheduling and conducting the interviews.
5. Working with my data - initial data preparation and editing, theme coding and analysis.
6. Checking for validity - checking validity using comparative analysis.
7. Preparing the finished product.
Ethical considerations
In all research it is imperative to maintain the privacy and anonymity of one’s
participants. In my particular research, extra sensitivity was required because it appears that
the majority of women who live apart from their children choose to keep their status as
mothers private. They likely make this decision, as my preliminary literature research and
experiences indicate, because in our culture they risk discrimination if their status is revealed.
In conducting my research, I had, as do all researchers, a responsibility to my
participants and the public to gather my data and use it in an ethical manner. Additionally, as
a student I needed to consider the ethical guidelines o f my university. Subsequently, I took
six steps to ensure that my research was ethical. First, I ensured that I had no professional
contact in the past, and was unlikely to have any professional contact in the immediate

44

future, with any woman who participated in my research. Second, after I explained the study
and the nature o f their participation verbally and in writing to each participant, they signed an
informed consent form (see appendix). This consent form included a statement to the effect
that if a participant mentioned any incidents o f child-abuse that I was legally obliged to
report I would do so. It also mentioned that I would use pseudonyms to identify each
participant and only use non-identifying information when writing my thesis. Third, I stored
the tapes and transcripts o f the interviews in locked containers in my home and kept a record
to connect the consent form and the pseudonym in a separate locked location away from the
interview data. Fourth, my participants and I either modified any data that was too revealing
to make it generic or removed it from the data set so that I did not include it in my thesis. I
used the copies of these modified transcripts to write my thesis only after the mothers
approved them. Fifth, 1 will dispose of all audio-tapes and data except for the transcripts that
my co-researchers approved. I will keep these transcripts in secure storage for a period o f
five years in accordance with the advice of my thesis committee.
Getting ready
As discussed previously in this chapter, research from the margins is about
change and creating knowledge with people from the margins. A researcher’s choice to use
participatory research often originates in their desire to assist community members to
negotiate changes in their environment. This was the reason I chose to use a modified form
o f participatory research. In developing my research topic, I took into consideration the
stated desires for social reform of my participants, who were all mothers who lived apart
fimm their children, fix>m one of my previous unpublished research projects. In addition I
accepted the assistance of two of my friends who live apart firom their children. My firiends

45

helped me develop a process that they would be comfortable using and interview questions
that they felt would help me explore the lives o f mothers who did not cohabit with their
children. One o f these friends became a participant in my research.
My friends spent a good deal o f time discussing my previous research with me,
what was important to them as mothers who lived apart from their children, and how or why
I should ask various questions to find out about the experiences o f mothers who lived apart
from their children. We used an interactive process to develop the interview questions, or the
words I would use to introduce the topics I wanted to find out about.^^ First, I included a
demographic section to determine who my participants were and how they came to live apart
from their children. Second, we developed some questions to identify at least partially the
socialisation factors that were influencing how the women interpreted events in their lives.
Finally we developed the remainder o f the questions by looking at the data from my previous
project and adding items that my friends felt were important for my co-researchers to include
in their stories. After numerous cups o f tea and visits, my two friends and 1 developed a set
o f interview questions that we agreed were appropriate. With some minor modifications and
amendments my thesis committee approved the final format for inclusion in my thesis
proposal (see appendix).
I took advantage o f the time required to write my thesis proposal not only to
study appropriate research methods and theories but also to develop a theoretical
understanding and critical mind set about my area o f research. During this time I used
primary literature (newspaper articles) and secondary literature (books & journal articles) to
develop a theoretical sensitivity about the issues that might be relevant to mothers who lived

Jenifer Mason, Qualitative Researching (London: Sage Publications, 1996), 43.

46

apart from their children. I also had an opportunity to develop my awareness and empathy
for women who live apart 6om their children through my part-time work in two women’s
shelters. The first. Advocacy for Women and Children, is a shelter for women who “have
fallen through the cracks” and do not meet the criteria for other social services. The second,
the Elizabeth Fry Society in Prince George, runs a transition house for women leaving
abusive relationships.
Participant selection
I used three methods to contact potential co-researchers and accepted all women
who agreed to participate and who fit my research criteria. First, I talked to my friends and
colleagues and asked if they knew of anyone who would be willing to participate. Second, I
contacted several organisations in Prince George who would likely be in contact with
mothers who lived apart from their children and asked if I could post information sheets
requesting that potential participants contact me. Finally, I discussed my research with new
acquaintances when they asked me the inevitable get-to-know you question, ‘what do you
do?’ Eleven women responded to my request for participants and six choose to become co­
researchers and participate in my research.
My original research criteria specified that each o f my co-researchers live in
Prince George and was a mother of at least one child less than seventeen years of age of
whom she did not have custody. Mothers who have joint custody o f their children were
defined as mothers having custody and not selected as participants. Mothers o f children less
than seventeen years o f age were chosen because the interpretation of the following policy by
Youth Works, a government agency that provides services for young adults, is that seventeen

47

is the earliest age in British Columbia that individuals are permitted to live independently.
Here is an excerpt from the policy manual they used to make this decision:

Authority Matrix
• Approval for 17 and 18 year old if no protection concerns [DS].

Right to Apply
• Children under the age o f 19 have the right to apply for assistance. Under
the provisions o f the EC Benefits (Income Assistance) Act, there can be
no discrimination on the basis o f age.

Referral to Social Worker
• An application is required prior to a referral to a social worker
• A referral is made to a social worker when:* There are child protection
concerns regarding an applicant for assistance who is under 19 years o f
age; or* The applicant for assistance is less than 17 years o f age.***
I modified my original criteria slightly to include one mother whose child returned home
after the interview was scheduled and before I conducted it. The day o f the interview neither
o f us knew whether the child was or was not choosing to remain at home. Because I had
trouble successfully contacting more than five participants who lived in Prince George, 1
included two mothers who lived in a nearby community.
In attempting to contact mothers in Prince George who met my research criteria
and who were willing and able to participate, 1 had completed or made arrangements for only
five interviewees.

Consequently, with my thesis supervisor’s permission, 1 accepted a

friend’s offer to help me find participants in another community about two hours from Prince
George.

She located three women who fit the criteria. Two agreed to participate andone

was available on the day I had transportation arranged. I made a second contact in this
community through a mutual acquaintance in Prince George.

As a result, two o f my

interviews were conducted in that rural community rather than in Prince George.

^ British Columbia, Ministry of Human Resources, 1998, EC Benefits Manual, April, 1998,7.10.1.

48

Throughout the remainder of my thesis I use the term “co-researcher” to refer to
my participants. This acknowledges that the six women who participated in my research
were not passive subjects but were actively engaged in what data they chose to provide and
in my analysis. As Patricia Maquire states, “Participatory research is structured to shift the
power control o f decision making and decision taking increasingly into the hands of the
participants.”^^ Enabling my participants to act as co-researchers was, as I discuss ftirther in
Chapter 3, an appropriate method for this particular research topic.

Using this method

allowed me to take full advantage o f their expertise, alleviated their anxiety that 1 would use
data they later decided they did not wish to share, and ensured that their voices were audible
in the finished product.
Data Collection
My interview process used semistructured interviews with open-ended questions.
As Shulamit Reinharz states, “semistructured refers to a research approach whereby the
researcher plans to ask questions about a given topic but allows the data-gathering
conversation itself to determine how the information is obtained.”^*’ 1 chose this method of
research because it enabled my co-researchers to remain in charge o f their interview,
determine what information they shared, and promoted a mutual exchange o f information.^'
This interview process strives for intimacy and may include self-disclosure from the
researcher if appropriate. The actual format o f the interviews followed a process similar to
that o f other grounded feminist researchers. I pre-identified my areas o f interest and listened
as my co-researchers responded in the order they chose and introduced other topics as they

Patricia Maguire, “Adjusting the Lens; Participatory Research,” Ibid., 39.
^ Shulamit Reinharz, “Conclusions,” Ibid., 281.
^‘ Ibid.

49

saw fit. Using this process required that mutual trust existed between my co-researcher and
myself.*^
I conducted interviews with three participants during the early fall o f 1998 and
the final three in January of 1999. Each primary data collection interview was audio-taped
and transcribed later. These interviews took place in a number of different locations and
varied according to length. Four of these six data collection interviews were held in the
afternoon. The other two were held in the evening and morning respectively. Each o f the
mothers who agreed to participate in my research chose a location and time with which she
was comfortable for the audio-taped interviews. Other interviews took place face-to-face or
over the phone that were not audio-taped. Brief field notes were taken during or after each
interview to record context and participant’s emotional state, and placed in my research log
or included in the women’s transcripts.
My data collection process was plaimed to include an informal, audio-taped,
face-to-face first interview to develop rapport and trust, and initiate data collection. This was
followed by subsequent multiple audio-taped interviews. My initial contact with my co­
researchers, however, did not support using this approach. Because remaining flexible and
allowing one’s participants to control the research process is part o f grounded theory, I was
willing to change my plans. It became apparent that due to the nature o f my research, my co­
researchers desired to build rapport and trust with me before agreeing to participate in my
research. They did this over the phone or in public places. Audio-taping any o f these initial
contacts was inappropriate because no consent forms had been signed. Permitting my first
three co-researchers to modify my research methods resulted in a new process that seemed to

^ See Shulamit Reinharz, “Feminist Interview Research,” Ibid., 24, for a discussion of interviewee guided
research.

50

fit both their needs and those o f my other participants needs better. During my initial contact
with them, my first two participants asked me questions about who I was, what I was doing,
and why I was doing it, and then arranged for me to give them ‘a set o f research papers.’
These papers are included in my appendix and consist o f an information sheet, a list o f care
providers in case my co-researchers had problems after an interview, a consent form, and the
interview questions (Appendices A-D). My potential interviewees then agreed that either
they would contact me or 1 would contact them in a week to determine if they had decided to
participate and set a time for the interview.
My first few participants’ modifications to my original research plans set the tone
for my later contacts. It was obvious from their questions that I was being checked out.
They were most anxious to see the interview questions and know how 1 felt about mothers
who lived apart firom their children before agreeing to participate. My response fit with my
beliefs and seemed to satisfy them - that there are many reasons that a mother lives apart
firom her children, most o f which are influenced by our social system rather than a particular
mother’s behaviour.

After allowing a week or so to elapse, I contacted my potential

participants by phone if they had not contacted me. I answered any further questions and
asked if they were choosing to participate. Ten said they would participate and we agreed to
a time and place for their interview. Three o f the ten women chose to withdraw before their
face-to-face interview and one asked me to remove her data during my analysis phase for
personal reasons.
This modification to the rapport-building process resulted in further modification
to the interview process. Since most of the mothers said they were very busy, in most cases I
conducted only one audio-taped face-to face interview with each co-researcher at which 1

51

collected most of my primary data. One mother participated in an additional audio-taped
interview to re-do the part o f her interview I accidentally lost by over-taping.
At the primary data-collection interview we went over the information sheet, the
informed consent form, and care provider information sheet together.

My procedure of

providing each mother with a copy of my interview questions, in advance, allowed my co­
researchers greater flexibility in determining the order in which they answered my questions.
Afler the consent form was signed, I asked each co-researcher if she was ready to proceed
with the interview and when she agreed, I turned on my audio-tape recorder. With most of
my co-researchers, I read the interview questions related to the demographic data and
collected it first.

Next I usually read the first open-ended interview questions to my

interviewee at which point she usually decided to follow her own method o f proceeding firom
one interview question to the next while I listened and gave her an opportunity to make
uninterrupted comments. I asked for further clarification when necessary and assisted each
co-researcher in sununarising the information she gave me. The transcripts o f the data
indicate that my co-researchers went back and forth between topics. At times we turned off
the audio tape recorder and had a private conversation. At other times during the interviews I
responded to requests for information fiom my literature review or about my own life. I
gained more confidence and skill and became more comfortable with the latter requests as I
gained experience. In particular cases my co-researchers also wanted affirmation for their
parenting choices. I felt uncomfortable with these requests and never developed a response
with which I was completely satisfied.
Each co-researcher participated in at least two more follow-up interviews. One
was to discuss and approve the final copy o f her transcript, and another was to discuss my

52

analysis o f her data. Two women have remained in contact with me, providing feedback
about my analysis and how they want the knowledge we produced disseminated. Follow-up
interviews, whether done over the phone or in-person were not audio-taped because that was
my co-researchers’ preference. However, I kept notes o f those meetings, and at times my co­
researchers gave me written comments to include as part of my data.
To keep track of my research process, as well as my own reactions to the process,
I recorded notes in the margins o f the transcripts and kept a research journal and log.
Grounded theorists as discussed earlier in this chapter, recognise that research is value-laden
and that the process is influenced by the interaction o f the researcher with the data. Like
participatory research, it requires the researcher to keep records o f the research process,
which then becomes part o f the data. In my research log, I kept fleld notes on each interview
to “jog my memory’’ about some of the salient features of the interview, non-verbal data, and
any questions that I needed to gather information about during my next contact.^^ I also
recorded notes that included relationships to new interpretations, leads, and connections
between data.

I used these notes to determine what data I should collect during later

interviews and in my analysis. This process is often called memoing, diagramming, or
marginal remarks.^'* To keep track o f what was happening for me during my research, 1 kept
a journal. In my journal, I recorded items that affected the research process such as my
preconceptions and ongoing relationship with the data. Keeping these records helped me
remember that no data collection and analysis is truly objective but is affected by the
researchers who design and conduct it. Recording this information also helped me recognise

” Matthew B. Miles & A. Michael Hubennan, “Early Steps in Analysis,” Qualitative Data Analysis (Thousand
Oaks; Sage Publications, 1994), 51-54
^ See Matthew B. Miles & A. Michael Huberman, Ibid., ‘marginal remaiks,’ 66-68, and Anselm Strauss &
Juliet Corbin, “Adjunctive Procedures, ” Ibid., ‘memoing and diagramming,’ 197-223.

53

where 1 needed a greater understanding o f the data. This prompted me to action and, at
times, alerted me that I needed to improve my interviewing skills. Even though I usually do
not mention it in my analysis and discussion, interacting with my data and the research
process through my logs and journals helped keep me aware o f my conceptual baggage and
challenge myself about them during my research.^^
Working with my data
My process of data analysis can be broken down under four major headings: 1)
transcribing, editing, and pre-analysing, 2) data preparation and preliminary analysis, 3)
coding, and 4) checking for validity. As in most qualitative research, these were not discrete,
sequential processes. Rather, I proceeded from one step to the next, backtracking when
necessary, and proceeding in the general direction o f producing a completed written thesis.
First, I transcribed the interview.

Next, I synthesised and analysed the data my co­

researchers contributed in view of the information I had learned about qualitative research
and the other data that I gathered.
Transcribing, editing and pre-analysing
As I proceeded into my data collection, I began to search out additional literature
to clarify what my participants told me. At times they volunteered books they found helpful.
During this intermediate phase of my research I went back and forth between the literature,
my data and my participants to determine if my ongoing interpretation was accurate.

^^Some feminist researchers define the biases of the researchers as conceptual baggage others prefer to just call
them biases. Regardless of what they chose to call them most feminist and qualitative researchers recognise the
importance o f acknowledging both the process of the research and the feelings of the researcher as they
participated in the process. Logs and journals are frequently used to facilitate this process. See Sandra Kirby &
Kate McKenna, “fotroduction,” Ibid., ‘conceptual baggage’ and Matthew B. Miles & A. Michael Huberman,
“Introduction,” Ibid., 6 ‘Reflective Remarks. ’

54

After each interview, I transcribed the audio-tape.

Before giving back the

transcripts to my co-researchers so that they could verify the material, I assured each woman
that she could correct the data or withdraw permission to use her data at any time. I returned
the first three transcribed interviews to my co-researchers in person and we made the changes
together. At this time I asked some questions to clarify the data and gave my co-researchers
an opportunity to make corrections and elaborate on any area they wished. Several took the
opportunity to do so. This process is consistent with grounded theory because it gives
participants an opportunity to control the data used. It also increased their comfort level with
the research process. When I had completed the changes in the first three interviews, I
returned the transcripts to my participants for their approval. At this time, I again clarified
any data I was uncertain about.
Owing to my observations in these initial interviews about what data my co­
researchers and I removed as identifying, I took the liberty o f modifying the transcripts o f the
other four mothers’ interviews to this extent before returning them for editing and approval.
This reduced the number of changes and simplified the verification process. The women’s
responses to my making anticipated changes before returning the transcripts indicated their
approval o f this process.

Several mentioned where I had missed removing identifying

information. With the XXX’s visible where identifying information was deleted, they also
exercised agency and substituted such words as ‘son, daughter, or husband’ to keep the
interviews personal but non-revealing. Reducing the number o f changes necessary also made
it easier for the mothers who were very busy or lived outside the community to make
transcript corrections and participate in further discussion over the telephone rather than in

55

person. This system made the out-of-town interviews work more efficiently and provided the
flexibility some o f the busy in-town mothers appreciated.
With experience, I became braver and returned the fifth transcript for editing
broken into bibbits^^ ready for analysis rather than in the usual conversation format.
Returning her transcript broken into units, each o f which contained one complete thought
ready for analysis, was accepted by this co-researcher and proved to be a positive
modification from the usually procedure for two reasons. First, it saved my time. Instead of
breaking the interview into the normal conversational pattern, I could break the transcript
into blocks that included my co-researcher’s and my own comments about a particular
subject and be ready for further analysis. Second, it gave my co-researcher an opportunity to
see what 1 was putting together as part of the same thought pattern. Making my pre-analysis
visible in this manner enabled her to see clearly if I had misunderstood her during the
interview and correct my misconceptions. Consequently, 1 used this procedure for my last
two interview transcripts as well and was met with equal acceptance and success.
Data Preparation and Preliminary Analysis
Seven approved transcripts sat in front o f me in hard copy and seven transcripts
were broken into bibbits ready for analysis. I later removed on o f these transcripts from my
data set. It had taken six months from receiving my ethics approval to reach this point. Ten
hours o f audio-taped interviews or 74 pages o f transcribed interviews were broken down into
761 bibbits or thought units ready for analysis; this was the data 1 would analyse and write
my thesis on.

I moved my data from the word processing program I had prepared the

^ Sandra Kirby and Kate McKenna, “Preparing for Analysis and Analysis Introduction,” Ibid., 135, define a
bibbit as “a passage from a transcript, a piece o f information from field notes, a section o f a document or
snippet of conversation recorded on a scrap of paper that can stand on its own but, when necessary can be
relocated in its original context.”

56

transcripts in to Access, a versatile program that includes spreadsheets. This process took
about one hour for twenty prepared pages. At this point, 1 also added my field notes and
journal entries to the bottom o f the transcripts so that I could include them in my analysis.
Once this step was completed I proceeded with my preliminary analysis.
Coding
My preliminary’ data coding included developing general and finer categories.
Because 1 only had six co-researchers, I coded all demographic data simply as demographic
and did not break it down further. I initially coded two o f the longer and one o f the shorter
interviews - choosing those co-researchers whose reasons for living separate from their
children were most dissimilar. This helped me develop a feel for what categories would
likely be appropriate. 1 then compared these initial analyses for related themes.
To code my data 1 used the open-coding system o f data analysis.

This is

compatible with grounded theory and feminist standpoint theory because it does not develop
codes or labels for the data in advance. Instead, the researcher develops the labels to fit the
data collected by reflecting on possible categories and relationships between categories.^^
Developing themes was difficult. 1 labelled each discrete unit of information. 1 tried to
generate categories for the labels. Themes developed, but not in the manner I anticipated
from the descriptions of coding 1 remembered. Going back to my resource books, I found
Anselm Strauss and Juliet Corbin’s description o f "loosely interwoven concepts” that seemed
to fit the data I collected.^^ Using their system o f analysis o f open coding, axial coding and
selective coding I was able to begin making sense o f my data. Initially 1 had open coded or
labelled all bibbits for a number o f categories (the actor, the responder, event, relative time of

” ibid., p.57-68, and Anselm Strauss & Juliet Corbin, “Coding Procedures,” ibid., 62-73.
” Ibid., 57.

57

the event, and degree o f agency for the speaker). Proceeding to the next analysis step, axial
coding, I attempted to make connections that highlighted the relationships between the
actors, context, circumstances, actions, and responses.^^ However, 1 had a problem when 1
attempted to take this step. Whether a category was supraordinate or subordinate depended
not on the data, but how 1 looked at the data. Fortunately, Access is a flexible program that
permits sorting and resorting within categories and among categories rather than being fixed
once the initial sort is made. Eventually 1 developed a systematic approach to data analysis
by considering the characteristics o f the data I collected and how they might be combined to
form categories, and where each bibbit was located on the continuum within the potential
categories.
The method o f axial coding that best suited my data was to separate it into the
activities or events that my co-researchers had during their interviews. This provided themes
such as the women’s 1) separation from their children and feelings about the separation, 2)
social interactions and how they felt about them, and 3) agency in all o f the events or
interactions that they described. It was not too precise and it took a lot o f reflection on my
part. Each event usually had a precondition or context that initiated it and each event was
usually followed by my co-researcher making a personal analysis o f it to explain it to herself.
Common themes emerged from similar activities or events.

For example, many of the

mothers’ affective and cognitive responses to the separation from their children were similar.
Most o f my data reached the saturation point, the point at which no new information was
being contributed, before I interviewed my sixth co-researcher.

” Ibid, 96-115.

58

Preparing to complete the third step, selective coding, I examined the data
between themes and attempted to relate it to the other themes.

One overriding theme

emerged, that o f agency. Looking at my co-researchers’ lives from this perspective helped
me develop a better understanding o f how much actual control they had in a given situation.
This did not, however, provide one answer about the amount o f agency a woman might have
in a particular situation because the amount o f agency I perceived her to have depended on
the focal length I used to examine her available options. Rather, each discrete event had
many permutations of how I could examine it - and what I saw depended on which
permutation I was currently using. Eventually I chose to re-analyse my data to determine
why my participants chose to participate in my research. This provided a focus and helped
me identify and include in my analysis the areas my co-researchers considered most
important.
Having made the decision to focus my analysis on discrimination and the effects
o f marginalisation, the areas my co-researchers felt created the most problems for them, I
proceeded to the final steps in my analysis. In almost all instances I was able to identify
chains o f events. During this segment o f my analysis I used rough parallel diagrams with the
links sketched in between them to integrate the emerging themes, check my data for validity,
and examine and integrate the emerging themes.

Their function was similar to that o f

matrices.^ First, I systematically organised the preconditions into abstract categories. Next,
I ordered these categories according to my co-researchers’ attributions from least effect on
the phenomena to greatest effect on either determining their available options or feelings.
Finally, I evaluated the conditional diagram to see if it wodted. To do so I checked the fit of

^ Matthew B. Miles & A. Michael Hubennan, "Within-Case Displays; Exploring and Describing," Ibid., 90142; Anselm Strauss & Juliet Corbin, Ibid., 158-175.

59

each participant's data to it. I also checked back with my co-researchers to determine if the
emerging theories sounded plausible to them. As a secondary validity check I referred back
to feminist literature about similar research to determine if my findings suggested the same or
different interpretations as other research findings.
Checking fo r Validity
Validity, as Samuel Messick, a psychologist, states is “an integrated evaluative
judgement of the degree to which empirical evidence and theoretical rationales support the
adequacy and appropriateness o f interpretations and actions.”^'

In addition, feminist

researchers understand validity to include "the integrity and value o f research.” This is
"achieved through accountability both to the participants and to those who will be affected by
the outcome.”^^ Analysing my data and checking for validity to determine whether my
findings ‘rang true’ were not discrete processes. I used comparative analysis throughout this
process, going back and forth between the data, discussions with a few of my co-researchers,
and the body o f literature I was using.

When I gave each o f my co-researchers an

opportunity to look at my final analysis they were generally pleased with the results. The
categories 1 chose to examine appeared to fit with their understanding o f the event and
conform to the goals they wanted my research to meet. My co-researchers’ approval when 1
returned my analysis for their comments and when 1 contacted them to discuss my findings
(recorded in my journal entries) confirms that 1 was allowing the data and participants to
speak for themselves and thus conforming to Feminist Standpoint Theory.

Samuel Messick, “Validity o f Test Interpretatiogs and Use,” Research Report 90-11 (Princeton, NJ:
Educational Testing Service, 1990), 1.
Janice L. Ristock and Joan Pennell, “Multiple Methods for Validity,” Ibid., 50-51.

60

Making the decision to focus my descriptions on the areas that most o f my co­
researchers wanted put before the public created a problem. One co-researcher did not share
my other co-researchers’ opinions, felt that the focus o f my analysis did not fit her situation,
and chose to withdraw from my study. She had some valid comments. I appreciated her
honesty in presenting them to me. I attempted to address her concerns, however, I was
unable to do so adequately with the data I had and she chose to withdraw from my research.
This left me with a total o f six co-researchers.
Chapters 3 and 4 present my analysis and chapter 5 completes my thesis with a
discussion o f my findings. These three chapters are strongly influenced by my voice and
provide insights into the experiences of mothers who live apart from their children from my
perspective. This perspective is informed, as mentioned previously, by my own experiences
and does not exclusively consist of the voices o f my co-researchers. While I have checked
back with my co-researchers for validity, they did not have access to their fellow co­
researcher’s transcripts, and thus could not make decisions as to whether I had presented all
the data fairly. After my final analysis and before writing chapter 5 ,1 checked to see if I had
remained faithful to grounded feminist and standpoint theories.

I also used applicable

literature in related areas as a supplementary validity check for my research findings.
Chapter 3 introduces my co-researchers and presents their stories. In presenting
their stories I have included some information about my research process, the mothers’
stories about how they came to live apart from their children, and their feelings about this
event.

CHAPTER THREE.
IN THEIR OWN WORDS
Bernice angrily responded, “Well it better be at some point!” when I stated
helplessly that there was not much information around alx)ut mothers who live
apart from their children. I felt helpless. My co-researcher is in so much pain
- ostracised and stigmatised - no one seems to have given her any acceptance.
Will my research be able to help? Or will it be buried in the university library
with all the other theses?
Based on Journal Entry made during analysis
February 12,1999.
In this chapter, I introduce the six mothers I interviewed and provide some o f the
social context in which they live. I also describe why my co-researchers chose to participate
in my research and some of their experiences of living apart firom their children. Because I
conducted feminist research, I aimed to reduce the distance between my co-researchers and
myself and treat them as equals who were contributing valuable knowledge. This approach
ensured their co-operation and helped me collect data rich in the details o f their lives.
During the interviews, I listened to stories o f marital rape and intimate family
interactions.

My co-researchers’ stories granted me glimpses o f their private lives and

environments as mothers living apart from their children. At times, I received completely
unexpected data such as one mother’s in-depth account of separation and reunification with
her children. Her unanticipated sharing o f this information demonstrated to me an advantage
of collaborating with one’s co-researcher. Listening also taught me that my co-researchers
might be benefiting firom the interviews. When I asked Zaza about community support she
responded, “I get support. People like you, being able to just [talk] about it here.” ‘Just
talking’ can be valuable for the participants and draws atten-tion to one o f the basic tenets o f
feminism, the belief that the personal is political.

62
The information my co-researchers required before agreeing to participate in my
research identifies a need for trust when conducting research about sensitive topics. My
participants’ caution is best illustrated by the comments of an acquaintance whom I asked to
participate. She said, “No, it is too sensitive. Someone might identify me." Before agreeing
to participate in my research, my co-researchers wanted to know that I was an accepting and
non-judgemental person and would use the data in a manner to benefit rather than harm them.
To develop trust, I usually self-disclosed that my two children had Attention-Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)' and that 1 had a lot o f problems with being judged a bad
parent because o f their behaviour rather than because o f my own parenting skills. This
disclosure seemed to allay their fears and a conversation about negative, in our opinion,
social interactions usually followed. Identifying myself as a peer and, implicitly, as another
mother who was judged as “bad," developed a rapport between my co-researcher and myself
and introduced our common goal - the need to reduce the negative judgements some mothers
receive.
Before moving on to my analysis I would like to provide a brief profile o f each
of the women who participated in my research. Because it is important to maintain the
anonymity o f my co-researchers and North Central British Columbia is an area where
many people know each other I have used pseudonyms, modified minor demographic details,
and excluded information that could lead to my co-researchers’ identification. In the cases
where it was necessary in telling a woman’s story to include information that might be

' The essential feature o f ADHD is that the individual displays a ‘persistent pattern o f inattention and/or
hyperactivi^’ including impulsivi^ across time and social situation to a greater degree than their cohorts. This
disorder compromises an individual’s ability to function in an age-appropriate manner in social, academic, and
occupational environments. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual o f Mental
Disorders, 4* ed. (Washington: American Psychiatric Association, 1994), 78-94.

63
hannfU her, I have not associated the information with a particular woman. Additionally the
women who contributed these potentially sensitive anecdotes have viewed them in a draft
version of my thesis and agreed with their inclusion. These modifications should not affect
anyone’s understanding o f my co-researchers’ experiences.
My Co-researchers’ Profiles
Bernice
Bernice grew up in the lower mainland and had a “mostly good” childhood. She
spent idyllic summers at their family’s cottage and enjoyed being close to her family and
going on family outings. Although she describes herself as not close to her mother, she said
she recognised that they had similar abilities and that she respected her mother. She earned a
BA in a discipline related to child management before marrying her husband over two
decades ago. Bemice and her spouse are middle (professional) class and have three children
that they adopted at birth. She describes herself as an active volunteer, a dedicated wife, and
a full-time mother for the younger children who live at home. She strives to maintain a
positive relationship with these children and, in her words, recognises that, “in order to have
a closeness you have to do things with people.”
Bernice’s older child’s birth mother used street drugs and the child suffered the
effects of this pre-natal environment. Bemice says this child was:
next to impossible to parent!. . . We took [the child] down to hospital after
hospital. Children’s [BC’s Children’s hospital], went to Sunnyhill. We were
told we’d better bone up your marriage you know. Oh dear! And I think
maybe you should stop arguing. When meanwhile this child is having a
heyday. Just so much fun
When people don’t believe what you say, you
know, it’s total confusion inside you. And you feel like you are being
massacred. I don’t know.

64
Eventually Bernice’s child was diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
and several other mental health disorders. Bemice identified a treatment centre that might
have benefited her child but was denied access both directly and indirectly to the funds she
required to obtain treatment. The child became involved with street drugs and associated
crimes in late elementary school.
Bemice said that at this point she asked and hoped for respite care so she could
continue to parent her child and that Ministry o f Children and Families offered her two
different choices: either one-hour per week’s respite care or shared access. Since one hour a
week was inadequate, she voluntarily accepted the shared access.

Shared access meant

placing her child in either a group or a foster home with Ministry of Children and Families.
She said that it was "shared because you can phone them and they phone you and you discuss
the problems and everything.” ‘Voluntarily’ as Bemice explained the incident to me refers to
the timing rather than the actually event. Elaborating further she said that, “the one social
worker told me if 1 hadn’t [given my older child] up they would have taken [all my]
children.”

Bemice said that later the Ministry of Children and Families changed this

arrangement and became the child’s primary guardian. This child has been in and out of
youth detention centres and MC&F group homes for the past several years and currently is
serving a time at a juvenile correction centre for robbery with a weapon. Before Bemice’s
oldest child left home, she said that she spent a good deal o f time maintaining their
relationship.
Joan
Joan describes her early childhood as less than ideal.

She lived with her

grandmother and aunt while her mother worked in another community to support herself.

65
Her mother died after a lengthy illness when Joan was in her late teens. When I asked her
about her family she said, “ I was always seen as an outsider because I was bom out o f
wedlock (Deep breathe to gain control.) Family to me means abuse, pain, loneliness . . . .
And family to me spells like a t r ^ as well." Joan perceived that her grandmother resented
her presence; she also said that her aunt dominated her and abused her emotionally,
physically, and sexually. When 1 asked her if she was willing to have me include something
about her abuse, she stated:
Regarding my abuse, my memories would point out that my mother’s sister
also sexually abused me. But, I believe that because a lot of the pain
associated with [my] memories is still repressed, I will elaborate more on the
emotional and mental abuse
Some o f the other ways my aunt abused me
was hitting me with whatever was around; her hands, logs, pricking me with
needles when she was sewing . . . 1 remember after she had just hit me, she
would expect me to go and kiss her and then she would brag that, ’you could
do anything to [Joan], she always forgives.’
1 remember fragments like
my uncle’s fist close to my face. That uncle when 1 was 13 he tried to kiss me
and trying to escape 1 tore my dress.. . . [My cousin who is four years older
than me] I recall he had that kind o f power over me, I felt I couldn’t say no,
since I was five. Sometime he would ignore me, and sometimes he would
sexual interfere with m e . . . . [It] carried on until after my mother died. He
asked to have sex with me.
I am respecting Joan’s request not to expand further on her childhood abuse issues.
Joan has some nursing training and university level courses. When she agreed to
participate in my research, she had just gained her first well-paying job in many years as a
direct care worker. When I asked her about her social class background she stated, “I am
middle class. I earn above the poverty line. ”
Joan’s marriage lasted over a decade before ending in divorce.

About the

separation and divorce she said:
All that happened after my [last child] was bom. I was very depressed. And I
felt that my past was starting to bother me [and] it needed attention. It was
like a turning point. I went into a very deep depression tor quite awhile and I
was in therapy at that time. And I tldnk when I came out o f that, I felt very

66

angry at my husband. We left [the community] and my plans had been to go
to the Sexual Assault Centre and start looking at my past. But then moving to
[another community] I found that maybe the opportunity had escaped so I
wanted to go back to [the first community] to retrace the steps to be able to go
back and look for help.
Something was not right within my marriage. But my husband believed
everything was fine. And so I believed that I could only fix myself, I just
could not fix him.
When she left, her spouse kept their children with him. Today, Joan’s youngest children
continue to live with her ex-spouse in another community. Her oldest child recently turned
nineteen and lives independently in the same community as the father.
Anne
Anne was bom in the lower mainland and adopted at birth. She grew up on a
farm with her siblings and parents. She said her father and his father and some o f his
brothers sexually abused her and her response was to "act out.” Anne said that her behaviour
negatively affected her relationship with her mother and she left home at sixteen with a grade
nine education. She completed grade twelve as a young adult after the birth o f her two oldest
children. She has four children, each from a different father, and has recently remarried.
Anne has most frequently patented her children alone while living on social assistance. Her
youngest children have always lived with her at home and both o f the older two chose to
leave home as teenagers.
In describing the incident immediately prior to her second oldest child leaving
home Anne said:
[my child] pulled a bonehead thing, [the child] stole my husband’s thing. Of
which my husband turned around; and got mad. When he gets mad at
someone he stays ma d. . . . He got so mad at my [child], and he wouldn’t talk
to him. . . . We had the counsellor here . . . and we were sitting here and
discussing things, . . . . draft[ing] up a contract o f expectations
[My
child] ended up not going with that. [My child] came in late one night. And I

67
said to [my child], ‘you think this is a bloody game don’t you?’ [My child]
goes, ‘It’s a game, you thinks this is a game! I’ll show you a game.’ And [my
child] stonned off. And [my child] hasn’t been home since.
After living with friends for awhile the child stayed with an adult mentor for about four
months. Mother, child and husband went for counselling towards the end o f this period. The
child returned home the night before our audio-taped interview.
Zaza
Zaza said that she grew up on the British Columbia’s lower mainland. About her
family o f origin she said:
well I would have to say to people that it started when I was bom because my
mom had m e . . . weeks early. And when she had me, she left me in the little
hospital in [my home town], which was a block from our house, and didn’t go
and see m e . . . . Because o f the circumstances o f my birth, I don’t think my
mom and I ever bonded at a ll
My family was difficult
If you didn’t
do what you were told or what they want you to do, or live your life like they
would like you to, you didn’t count. You didn’t get that approval . . . my
mom’s love was conditional, it hinged on me doing as she wanted me to do.
Zaza also mentioned that the family joke implies that she was the cuckoo’s egg that was left
in the wrong nest and that she never really felt that she was part o f her family.
Zaza currently is working on her Bachelor’s degree. She had one child from a
previous relationship before she met and married her husband. They have been married for
about a decade and have two more children who live with them. Zaza’s husband works as a
professional in Central British Columbia. Her oldest child, as she says:
was always difficult. . . But I knew that there was something not right. And I
would take [my child] to my doctor and to the paediatrician. And they would
say oh its just jitters, or you’re new and you don’t know anything. And they
would sort of blow me off. But [my child] has what psychiatrists would call a
very flat affect. [My child’s] eyes are flat. It’s hard to explain that, you don’t,
you don’t see a lot of emotion or feeling in [my child’s] eyes
It’s like for
[my child’s] whole life [my child] does not care about other people. It is very
hard to explain. [My child] is very self-centred. What [my child] wants, [my
child] will get regardless o f the expense to other people.

68
Zaza could not find resources to help her care for her oldest child. She said that before her
child went into Ministry o f Children and Family’s care;
(s)he’d steal money — (S)he ran away— And the swearing. Holy cow! I
swear when I get mad, but I don’t swear at people. I’d ask [my child] to
watch [the two younger children] in the living room so 1 could make dinner...
. [and (s)he’d say] ’I’m not the one who can’t keep my fucking legs closed.
They’re not my fucking Idds, why the fuck should I watch them? . . . . Fuck
you. Nobody can tell me what to do. You know. I’m my own fucking person.
I don’t have to fucking listen.’ . . . . And [if] 1 would leave [this child] in the
room with the [other children] and someone would get hurt. And one o f [my
younger children] would have [his/her] face on the rug with a cut lip.
Zaza’s child currently lives separately fix>m her and Zaza continues to parent the other two
children with her spouse.
Laura
Laura was bom and raised in a small community in North Central British Columbia.
When 1 asked her about her relationship with her mother and about her childhood she stated:
1 never even had one [relationship with my mother]. . . . Before I was 10 I
don’t remember much. . . . 1 became 10 and 1 was independent, mouthy. 1
guess being the oldest 1 was always baby-sitting my [younger siblings]. 1 was
the boss 1 guess; they had to do what I said. And mom went back to work,
and that was it, we had no relationship
1 wouldn’t consider what we had a
family. At best a very dysfunctional one. My parents were on again off again
. . . like sometimes they were together and sometimes they weren’t
my
dad walked out o f the house on my brother’s tenth birthday and I remember
that very vividly.
O ff tape, Laura volunteered that her dad did not really come back much after that point. She
left school without graduating but returned and completed grade twelve. She works as a
health care provider and earns less than the average wage o f woricers in her community.
Laura was a single parent before marrying the father o f her other children. She
separated fiom her spouse after being married just under a decade and initially took the
children with her. About her relationship with her ex-spouse she said:

69
but when I got with him within one year I was a meek shy quiet person that
would sit in the comer and have not friends. And that wasn’t me. My
personality is very dominating, very loud. I’m a very loud person. But he
was, he browbeat me. And he is good at it
He [still browbeats me.] I just
now hang up the phone
he usually gets me; he usually gets what he
wants. He usually gets me crying by the time the conversation is over
It’s
control. It’s total and complete control. That is why he has the kids. He
doesn’t have the kids because he wants them there. They’re a hindrance to
him. He can’t go out and drink every Friday night.
The children lived with Laura after she separated from her spouse.

She said she had

difficulty supporting herself and her children on child support, a part-time job, and social
assistance. About this segment of her life she stated:
We had just separated, and just gone through the court thing, and I got full
custody of the kids. And he was paying $550 a month child support. And it
didn’t pay my rent. And I was just trying to get into school and finish my
schooling and upgrading and stuff.
He makes [in the top 10 percentile] a
year.. . . I’m making borderline poverty money and he is making really good
money. . . . In support of it too then with the kids staying with him is the
gender difference between the paycheque
I was considered a welfare
bum, because I wanted to take care o f my children. That’s the main reason I
had to get off welfare. I could not stand and handle the looks and the
accusations. And in retrospect they weren’t as bad as what happened as when
I gave the kids to their dad. You know, so it’s you’re damned if you do, and
damned if your don’t. And you try and make a better life for the kids, you try
and get off welfare and, you can’t get it. It was not worth my while, and still
is not to go to work when I have those kids. Cause what I put out in baby­
sitting
I can’t afford it.
Laura’s reference to ‘giving’ her children to her spouse was constrained, as I will show later,
by what appears to be ongoing abuse by her ex-spouse. Today the children live with her ex­
spouse, the father o f the younger children, in another community about a day’s drive from
Laura.
Sandra
Sandra was bom and raised in the lower mainland. About her childhood she
said. “I come from an alcoholic background so it’s basically as much as a mom is around

70
when the father is an alcoholic. So she did the best she could under the [circumstances].”
Sandra graduated from grade twelve and has some post-secondary education.

She was

married for about a decade and a half and has five children, the youngest child is still less
than seventeen years of age. She separated from her children’s father approximately ten
years ago and had custody o f the children for about a year before they went to live with their
father. About that year she said;
So 1 have the kids in custody and whatever. And in that time I worked parttime at [a department store]. And then I got a job [in industry] full-time and
so along with that came shift woric. So I had to hire somebody to stay at my
house and look after the kids. So any money I was getting fix)m my exhusband went directly to this girl, who wasn’t probably the best, but it was all
1 could afford. She was quite young and she was nice and everything, but 1
ended up with another kid. [Laughter], a daughter.
. . . it was just pretty overwhelming having the [children] like living, and 1
was just falling apart. And 1 only saw them half the time anyhow because 1
was night shift and day shift. And he was straight day shift.. . . and he had
more money. . . . And then we went to a family court counsellor. And the
court counsellor said you know [Sandra], for you to get the children to do
anything it takes this much effort and for [your ex-spouse] it takes that much
effort. So much more for the mom to get die [children] to do what you want
them to do.
And I was way too empathetic and didn’t come fi-om a stable family— I was
the boss in my family, basically
[My mom] didn’t really take on the role
of caring for her chilien. WWle she looked after us, but she wasn’t a very
strong woman. I was the stronger one in the family.
I felt so overwhelmed that I just lived for the weekend [when the children
were with my ex-spouse]. And then they came back and its like, oh no! You
know. And they were all; you know pretty loud [children] and everything and
busy.
Sandra said she ‘felt relief when the children first went to live with her ex-spouse whose
new wife cared for them. She volunteered that at first the children only lived ten minutes
away so she saw them fi%quently and was still very involved in their lives.

71
Sandra said that when her new spouse was transferred north she was angry and
bitter. She also said that after the move she resented that she couldn’t see her children as
often and, until the advent o f unlimited calling, could not call them everyday. Today, all
except one o f the children continue to live with her ex-husband in Southern British
Columbia. The other child is attending university in Southern British Columbia and lives
independently. Sandra is currently woridng in industry and lives with her new husband who
is employed as a professional in North Central British Columbia.
Discussion of my Co-Researchers’ BackGrounds
Social class, ethnicity, and gender are part o f the interlocking system of
hierarchical domination that feminists study.

They anticipate that studying the uneven

distribution o f power within each of these categories o f social stratification will help them
understand the overall system of domination.^ They also believe that excluding a particular
group’s voice silences that group and denies their experiences.^
The six women who participated in my research all said they were o f European
descent. Five were bom in Canada and one was bom in Europe. Five women came from
dysfunctional homes; another one grew up in a positive environment. Two mothers self­
disclosed a history of childhood sexual abuse that may or may not have included alcoholic
parents; one said her home was dysfunctional because o f an alcoholic father, and another just
stated that her home was dysfunctional. Additionally, one o f my co-researchers identified as
bi-sexual, and one said her ex-husband is gay. These differences appear to have had little
impact on their experiences o f being a mother who lives apart from her children.

^ Elizabeth Higginbothan, “Introductioa’' to Elizabeth Higginbotham & Maiy Romero, Women and Work:
Exploring Race, Ethnicity, and Class (Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1997), r.ii.
^ Dorothy E. Smith, “Introduction” to The Everyday World as Problematic: A feminist Sociology (Toronto:
University of Toronto Press, 1987), 9.

72
In writing about social class John Porter said, ‘The most persistent image that
Canadians have o f their society is that it has no classes.”^ J. Ross Eshleman and Susannah J.
Wilson state “When asked to what class they belong, most North Americans will probably
respond ‘middle.’ Relatively few people can honestly respond wealthy,’ and few people
want to admit to being ‘poor,’ even if it is true

As a feminist researcher who accepts

people’s view o f their own reality, how do I solve this problem? How do I determine my co­
researchers’ social classes? I attempted to do this by asking them what class they were from.
All but one of them, who said she was receiving welfare, said they were middle class.
Although my co-researchers responded as expected, I was surprised that each o f
them added a comment about why they believed that they were middle class. In several
cases their comments did not support their beliefs. Instead they suggested that the woman
belonged to the working class. Consequently, 1 will take a few moments to examine my coresearchers’ comments about their social class. In the following discussion, I will use the
categories wealthy, middle, working, and poor as put forth by Ross Eshleman and Susannah
Wilson.^ The poor social class includes those on welfare and those earning below the
poverty level. Anne, who said she was on welfare, would be in this category. The woridng
class or proletariat is paid by the hour or unit of work. They generally take orders rather than
give them.^ According to this classification, both Joan and Laura who are direct-care service

* John Porter, “Class and Power The Major Themes," in The Vertical Mosaic: An analysis o f Social Class and
Power in Canada (Toronto: University o f Toronto Press, 1965), 3.
^ J. Ross Eshleman & Susannah J. Wilson, “Social-Class Impacts on Family Life,” The Family: Second
Canadian Edition, (Scarborough: AUyn & Bacon Canada, 1998), 128.
* John Porter, Ibid, and J. Ross Eshleman & S. J. Wilson, Ibid., 124-149, discuss three primary classes,
working, middle, and wealthy. Poor, including those on social assistance are considered to be part of the
working class. My co-researchers stated that “welfare families can not be part o f the working class because
(hey don’t work.’’ Class designation is usually based on the access to power through job status, wage or
education level.
J. Ross Eshleman & S. J. Wilson, Ibid, 130.

73
providers would be members o f the working class, even though Joan stated, “I earn above the
poverty line so I am middle class.” The middle or professional class earns a salary and has
more income stability than the working class. It generally refers to individuals employed as
professionals.^ Moreover, in our culture women are generally assigned the social class o f
their husband and are defined with respect to his accomplishments.^

According to this

classification, Bernice, Zaza, and Sandra, whose husbands all worked as professionals, would
be classified as middle-class.
Feminists, such as Pat Armstrong and Bonnie Fox argue, however, against
automatically classifying a woman by her spouse’s class. They suggest that each woman
should be categorised by her own circumstances and separately &om her s p o u s e . T h u s 1
have reconsidered the three women who live with their spouses in view o f their specific
situations.

This includes how they do their housework, since housework is most often

completed by women. While some feminists believe that people who do housewoilc are ftom
a single class, others suggest that how housework is done differs across social classes and
that women who are primarily involved in it cannot be considered as being from a single
class." In view o f my previous discussion, Sandra could belong to two classes. At work, her
occupation places her in the woridng class because she takes rather than gives orders.'* At
home, taking into account her education and access to her spouse’s income, she has choices
similar to those o f most other middle-class women in deciding how she will maintain her

* Ibid., 128.
’ Pat Annstrong & Hugh Annstrong, “Production and Reproduction: Breaking Tradition,” in Theorizing
Women’s Work (Toronto: Gannond Press, 1990), 73.
Bonnie J. Fox, “The Feminist Challenge: A Reconsideration of Social Inequality and Economic
Development,” in Robert J. Brym with Bonnie J. Fox, eds. The Sociology o f English Canada (Toronto: Oxford
University Press, 1989), 121.
' ' Pat Armstrong & Hugh Armstrong, Ibid., 75, and J. Ross Eshleman & Susannah J. Wilson, Ibid., 129.
J. Ross Eshleman & Susannah J. Wilson, Ibid., 130

74
home and whether or not she will participate in the paid labour force. Bernice’s and Zaza’s
education and access to finances also give them the option to manage their homes similarly
to other middle class women.
Many feminists prefer to place women in a social class independent o f their
spouses. This is influenced by an awareness that social class or financial security based on a
relationship with an intimate parmer can change if the relationship dissolves and that all
members o f a household may not share equally in its r e s o u r c e s . M y co-researchers’ stories
indicate that three mothers experienced downward mobility after they separated from their
ex-spouses.

One o f them obtained higher education and remarried.

These factors

contributed to her re-joining the middle class.
Even though each o f the six mothers has a different background and has a
different perspective on life, they all share the experience o f having lived apart fiom one or
more children. Five came fiom dysfunctional homes some o f which included alcohol abuse,
child abuse, and sexual abuse, and only one mother’s childhood home was functional. They
came fiom at least two and possibly three social classes.

These facts demonstrate that

women who live apart fi%>m their children come fix)m many groups including the dominant
culture. This challenges the prevailing stereotypes about mothers who live apart fiom their
children.

" Ibid., 129 & 131.
"Ibid., 147.

75

The Research Relationship
As I go about my daily activities, unplanned contacts with my co-researchers
remind me o f the paper written by Pamela Cotterill.'^ In it, she adds her comments to the
debate about the relationship between feminist researchers and their participants. These are
the four points she discusses. First, women share common experiences but this is not always
sufficient to outweigh the barriers o f social structures. Second, interviewing women can lead
to friendship between researcher and co-researcher. Third, the researcher needs to examine
her methods to ensure she is not exploiting participants to gain data.

And fourth, the

researcher may experience feelings o f vulnerability and powerlessness.
Free Choice
The first point Pamela Cotterill discusses, that common experiences are
insufficient to eliminate social barriers, prompts me to recall two of my potential
interviewees.

Both o f these mothers contacted me in response to their care-providers

drawing their attention to my posters. When they mentioned this fact during our initial
contact, my instinct was to be cautious and ensure that they chose to participate fireely. 1
arranged to take each woman a set of research papers before any interviews. At this time, 1
carefrilly advised each o f them that I was not in contact with their care-provider and that,
whether or not they chose to participate in my research, their relationship with their careprovider should not be affected. One o f these mothers, who had no telephone, did not show
up for the interview at a mutually agreed time and place. The second slept through my
telephone call to confirm the interview. When I did contact her by telephone she declined

Pamela CoUerill, “Interviewing Women; Issues o f Friendship, Vulnerability', and Power,” Women’s Studies
Int. Forum 15 (1992): 593-606 discusses the relationships between the researched and researcher from the
perspective of a feminisL In it, she explores power, vulnerability, and friendship in research relationships.

76
my offer to set another time. I had felt uneasy when these two women had initially contacted
me and mentioned their care-providers involvement and I had mixed feelings about their
withdrawal. I was disappointed because their non-participation meant that I would not be
able to include their voices in my research. I also felt relieved, however, because I did not
have to consider the ethical dilemma of how to determine whether they had made the
decision to participate in my research o f their own free will.
Ethics suggests that participants perceive themselves as able to make the choice
to participate in research free of constraints.'^ Such constraints can include the perception of
access or restriction to desired resources. Not all members o f the public are aware that it is
unethical to deny access to resources for failure to participate in research. Consequently, it
behooves researchers to be especially careful about how they attract participants.

My

concern in this particular case was that the care-providers were very interested in my research
and anxious to have this particular group o f mothers included. They knew I was not getting
any volunteers and wanted to help. I am confident that their intent and manner o f asking was
not coercive, but determining another person’s perception is often difficult.

When

individuals are in positions with little power or control over their lives, they may be
influenced by even the slightest chance o f improving their image in another person’s eyes.
Paying individuals to participate in research can also influence some people to do things they
would not be comfortable doing otherwise. Consequently, I chose not to pay women for
participating in my research.

Jennifer Mason, “Generating Qualitative Data: Interviewing,” in Qualitative Researching (London: Sage
Publications, 1996), 57.

77

Issues of Friendship
The second point Pamela Cotterill discusses is Ann Oakley’s proposition that
interviews can initiate friendship between the interviewee and the researcher.'^ 1 am in
contact with two o f my co-researchers on a regular basis; my friendship with one o f them
preceded my research. Some o f Pamela Cotterill’s friends also participated in her research
and, because she fails to mention any changes in their relationships, presumably without
incident. My interactions with the co-researcher 1 had a nodding acquaintance with before
beginning my research continually demonstrated that she would like to deepen our
friendship. Initially, 1 maintained a friendly professional relationship with her. However
lately, seven months after her first interview, 1 have been responding to her offers o f
friendship in a more encouraging manner. 1 am confident that developing a friendship is her
choice because she has continued to offer fiiendship despite my initial reluctance to respond.
When 1 meet the other four women in public and they acknowledge me, 1 reciprocate in a
fiiendly manner. Our conversations have remained superficial and 1 have respected their
choice in setting that boundary. Pamela Cotterill says that women researchers need not feel
that the research has failed if fiiendships do not develop. I concur. I feel it would be an
unfair burden on both the research participants and the researcher if a commitment to be open
to friendship were required when participating in research. On the other hand, an ethic that
suggests that fiiendships should never develop denies the humanity and equality between
participants and researchers.

Co-researchers are similar in many respects to one’s co-

worko^ and fellow students. With some people we quickly develop a rapport that develops
into fiiendship. With other people we are fiiendly but never develop a close relationship.

" Pamela Cotterill, Ibid., 595.

78
Researchers need to exhibit friendliness, but as Pamela Cotterill states, "women researchers
need to distinguish between friendship and friendliness and not feel that [a] research
relationship has somehow ‘failed’ if only the latter is achieved.” '^
Exploitation
The third point raised in Pamela Cotterill’s essay is the moral issue o f exploiting
the researched to gain data. She supports the view that interviewees need to know how to
protect themselves from researchers. I concur with her opinion. This was the reason I took
the time to talk with two of my potential interviewees who later decided not to participate.
Giving my co-researchers an opportunity to go through their transcripts and remove
information they were uncomfortable with me using was another method I used to give them
control over the data they contributed and reduce the likelihood o f my exploiting them. Still
another method I used to increase feelings o f ownership was to encourage chats about my
research and its purpose. As my journal entry at the beginning of chapter 3 indicates, my co­
researchers often expressed distress that people were unaware of what it was like to be a
mother without her children. Consequently, some co-researchers hoped my research would
further their own agenda - that o f educating the public. They frequently made comments that
indicated that they equated negative judgements with an inadequate understanding o f their
situation. The following quotation from Laura’s transcript is an example;
And what they don’t realise is that the children were stolen from me. And that
is how I feel. We had an agreement. I made good on my end o f the
agreement, and he stole the children from m e . . . And what people don’t
know is like when everybody is condenming me and stuff, I mean I need that
break. I was a mom since I was 18. And that’s ten years. And at that time (at
the end o f ten years) I needed to go back to school. I needed to get an
education and a better job so that when the kids (came back) to live with me I
wasn’t on welfare. . . And I don’t get it (the glare) so much any more because

Pamela Cotterill, Ibid., 595.

79
I mean people know. Enough people in this town know anyway why and
what is going on. So 1 don’t so much get it now.
My co-researchers’ insights into why they were receiving negative judgements about
themselves as mothers can be summarised as a lack o f awareness by other people. This is
congruent with the feminist philosophy that telling the stories o f people who live on the
margins will enable them to gain more power and move from the margins.*’ However, as
Mary Margaret Fonow and Judith Cook state, insight, theory work, and social action needs to
be connected for change to occur in people’s lives.
Power And Vulnerability
The final point from Pamela Cotterill’s paper that I wish to discuss is the
vulnerability and powerlessness felt by the researcher.

Rather than asking me specific

questions about myself, my co-researchers often asked why I was interested in studying them
as mothers. While I could have answered the question superficially, 1 felt it deserved an
honest answer, and responded, “because I have been judged a ‘bad mother’ and would like to
do something about women being labelled bad mothers. ” While I am comfortable talking
about my children who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and being judged a bad
mother, I had not anticipated the many comments about what direction that my research
should take and felt responsible to meet my co-researchers suggestions. Unfortunately, these
discussions were often held before or after the formal part of the interview and consequently
I did not audio-tape them. As a result of the discussions I questioned whether my thesis topic
was too narrow and if I should be broadening it to accommodate my co-researchers’ requests.

Shulamit Reinharz, “Conclusions” to Feminist Methods in Social Research (New York, Oxford University
Press, 1992), 251.
“ Maria Mies & Andy Spencer, “Women’s Research or Feminist Research?” in Mary Margaret Fonow & Judith
Cook, eds. Beyond Methodology: Feminist Scholarship as Lived Research (Bloomington: Indiana University
Press, 1991), 67.

80
I felt powerless and vulnerable when I reflected on my research and my co­
researchers’ suggestions about additional research projects for several reasons. Specifically,
I believe that in feminist research participants do and should have a say in what is studied
and how it is studied and felt that if I took control I was not permitting them to have control.
Further, I wondered what my co-researchers’ responses might be if I did not accommodate
their requests. Remembering my thesis supervisor’s earlier comments and the material I read
on researchers and power imbalances helped me woric through my dilemma. First, when I
was deciding on my research topic, my thesis advisor had suggested that, I needed to stay on
track and keep my research focused so 1 could complete it. This comment appeared to me to
be just as pertinent to my current concerns as it had been then. Second, Pamela Cotterill’s
article helped me recognise that, ‘’when the researcher leaves the field and begins to work on
the final account, the responsibility for how the data is analysed and interpreted is entirely
her own.”^' Although I felt divided in taking the position that I am in control o f my research
project, I recognise its validity. If I had not taken control, 1 would not have finished a
congruent readable product. In fact, it is likely that completing all o f the research my
participants suggested is the task o f more than one person’s lifetime. As a compromise, I
have included my co-researchers’ suggestions for further research wherever possible. I have
also taken the time to analyse what they saw as their greatest needs and focus on these needs
in writing up my research findings rather than on other areas that they felt were less
important.
My co-researchers’ principal reason for participating in my research, as I
mentioned earlier, was to reduce the negative judgement they received. Other areas that they
mentioned as important to them or causing them problems were a lack o f information about

Ibid., 604.

81

how mothers come to live apart from their children and about how they feel when this
happens. My co-researchers’ three areas o f concern are related. A lack o f information
results in marginalisation, perpetuates negative stereotypes, and leads to judging individuals
in accordance with those narrowly defined preconceived stereotypes rather than their actual
lived experiences. Feminists and social psychologists agree that one o f the best ways to
change these misconceptions is to erode the myths that perpetuate the stereotypes by
providing information. Feminist research further indicates that aware-ness moves people
from the margins toward the centre o f society where they are able to exercise more control
over their lives.^ Consequently, enabling mothers who live apart from their children to tell
their own stories is one o f the best methods to create social transformation.
My Co-Researchers’ Stories of Separating from their Children
The six mothers who participated in my research as co-researchers had twelve
children under the age o f seventeen and lived apart from eight o f them on the day o f their
initial interview.

Most of them expressed anger at being constantly subjected to

discriminatory remarks if their status as mothers was known and expressed a desire that
people would not judge them. As Laura stated.
When people start judging me, ‘I say well who are you! You aren’t here; you
aren’t walking with me. You know you are not walking in my shoes or beside
me and don’t understand. So please don’t comment on something you have
no idea what you’re talking about!’
Educating the public, as Laura said she did at times and some o f my other co-researchers
were attempting to do on an individual basis, is one method o f stopping negative social
judgements. By writing about the lives o f mothers who live apart from their children I hope

” Anne Bishop, "Slep 3; Consciousness and Healing” Secoming an Ally: Breaking tke Cycle o f Oppression
(Halifax, Femwood Publishing, 1994), 79; Shulamit Reinharz, “Conclusions” to Feminist Methods in Social
Research (New York: Oxford University Press, 1992), 251.

82
to enable these women’s voices to be heard and challenge people’s beliefs and help them
become more accepting of mothers who live apart from their children.
Child’s actions
Three mothers lived apart fiom their children because o f their children’s
behaviours. There were two distinct forms o f behaviour that resulted in separation. Two
children lived apart fiom their mother for various periods of time because they chose to leave
and did. Two more children’s parents made the decision together with the Ministry of
Children and Families for the child to live separate fiom them.
Child choose to leave
Anne had two o f her children move out o f her home and live apart fiom her. Her
oldest child, who is now living independently, chose to move out when the child was
thirteen. About this child leaving home Anne recalled:
[My oldest child lived at home] till (s)he was about thirteen. [The child] says
I kicked him/her out, I tell [the child] (s)he left. [The child’s] been in places
where I know it’s been safe and secure for her/him. [My child] left because
(s)he’s very much like me. We argued an awful lot. (S)he grew up with a lot
o f my anger, which is unfortunate. And I used to think that I was crazy
thinking that the reason that [my child] did that, you know that (s)he grew up
with that anger was cause [my child] wasn’t doing what (s)he was supposed to
do. But then I really got in touch with it. What it boiled down to was that
[my child] was not his/her own independent self. [My child] was an extension
o f who I am. And because what I was like when 1 was that young . . . . [my
child] got a lot o f garbage. (S)he got a lot o f garbage. And I felt really really
bad. And I’ve talked to [my child] for years now and explained to him/her
that I’m really sorry. . . . [My child} blamed me for a lot o f time.
Her second child moved out for a period o f five months immediately preceding my research
[My child] is sixteen. (S)he’s been home until April. My child was gone
fiom April 14 until September 7. (S)he was with [an adult fiiend firom a
community organisation]. And I dealt with the ladies there, and they thought
it was okay because [my child] needed a safe place to be. . . . [My child’s]
biggest want at sixteen was fi:eedom. “Well I want to go out with my
fiiends.” . . . [My child] came in late one night. And I said to [my child], “you

83
think this is a bloody game don’t you?” [My child] goes, “it’s a game, you
think this is a game. I’ll show you a game.” And [my child] stormed off and
hasn’t been home since. (S)he was staying with these people down the street.
And they smoke a lot o f pot apparently. [My child] was very very angry.
Both of Anne’s children’s stories of leaving are related to anger. However, two different
things have happened. In her second child’s case, Anne attributed her child’s leaving to peer
pressure and contact with drugs. In her oldest child’s case, Anne stated that she thought that
her problems with her past abuse affected her own emotional state, how she treated her child,
and played a major role in the child’s leaving home. Anne said that although she had tried to
get help to deal with her problems earlier she was not completely successful. Two other
women also mention that their past affected their ability to parent when they lived with their
children. These three mothers’ parenting difficulties point to a potential area for further
research - how to support the young woman who has herself received inadequate parenting
in becoming a ‘good enough parent’^ and how to support teenagers who are going through
personal difficulties.
A contributing factor that may have played a part in both o f Anne’s children
leaving home the assistance rates for families on welfare. These rates are so low that a child
may experience an improvement in living standards, and less to argue with parents about,
when they are funded as a foster child rather than as a dependant.^^

^ 'Good enough’ is usually taken as the standard for adequate parenting. See Phyllis Chesler, “What is a Fit
Mother and Father? An Unfit Mother and Father? Who Decides?” Mothers On Trial: The Battle fo r Children
and Custody (New Yoric: McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1986), 60,61.
See Aime Bishop, “Understanding Different Oppressions,” Ibid., 70 for a discussion of taking children fiom
their natural parents and placing them in foster care. Several phone calls on May 7,1999 to MC&F and Active
Support Against Poverty revealed that foster parents are paid between $668.98 - 732.44 for an average child
12-19 years-old whereas parents receive assistance in the range of $140 - 379.00 for the same child.

84

Mother could not cope with child’s behaviour
Bemice and Zaza both have one child who lives apart from them and other
children who live with them. The Ministry o f Children and Families was involved in both
children initially leaving home and in their current living arrangements. An analysis o f the
separation of these children reveals several themes for further investigation.
First, both mothers mentioned that they realised that something was not right
with their children as infants and that their concerns were ignored by their family doctors.
The first mother stated that her family physician ‘wouldn’t do anything because he didn’t
recognise a problem. All he did was analyse our marriage.’ She also stated that when she
took her child to the homeopath at age seven:
my child flipped. [My child] screamed at a high pitch, told the staff how
unhappy (s)he was to be labelled, swore, and ran out o f the back door. The
doctor ran out and said, this is foetal alcohol, we’ve seen this before.’ [My
child] came back in fifteen minutes and was as calm as could be. When I
went back to the family doctor he said he didn’t see a problem.
The second mother also commented about being ignored by her family doctor when she
attempted to draw his attention to the child’s behaviour. Eventually both mothers’ children
were diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and other mental health
disorders.
Both Bemice and Zaza said that they asked for help from their family doctors
before their child entered school. Moreover, early in their child’s academic career they met
with the school psychologist because o f their child’s behaviour, and eventually asked the
Ministry o f Children and Families for help. Both mothers were denied what they considered
adequate help. When they could not find resources to keep both the child with behavioural

85
problems and their other children safe they made the choice for the child with the
behavioural problems to live apart from them so that their other children were safe.
Jill Matthew’s statement that, ‘mothering became by definition an impossible
task,’ is periiaps truest in terms o f raising children with behavioural problems associated with
disabilities.

In these cases, the mother customarily is found to be at fault.^

My co­

researchers’ comments from my present study and those o f my participants in an unpublished
research project 1 completed as an undergraduate student on parenting children with ADHD,
point to more research being needed about what it is like to be a mother with this kind o f
child and what resources mothers would find useful to support them in parenting these
children. Anne’s separation from her child at thirteen also suggest inadequate resources. 1
wonder what might have happened if these women had had the ongoing parenting support
that I had from my counsellor? I suspect that the outcomes with their children might have
been different.
Marital breakdown
The pre-conditions for five o f the six women living apart from their children
included marital breakdown. Two o f my co-researchers identified some form o f abuse as the
reason they chose to divorce their spouses. The other three women did not discuss the
reasons for their marital breakdowns. Here are a few examples o f the abuse that these two
women experienced:
Some friends actually sensed that maybe [my husband] was probably gay so
they obviously could see something that I could not see. But yes, 1 could kind
o f sense something inside that something was not right. His male friends
seemed to have priority over me, even when I was sick .. . . When I had my

“ For a discussion of good mothers raising good children see Jill Matthews, "Ideology,” in Good and Mad
Women: The Historical Construction o f Femininity in Twentieth-Century Australia (Syiicy: George Allen &
Unwin, 1984), 78-79, and “Mothering,” Ibid., 183-186.

86
miscarriage it was not his priority to stay with me that night. He took his
motorbike and went to visit a male friend.
[my husband] was not always available [and] I didn’t feel valued
He had
been sort of ruling the house kind o f thing. All the affairs o f the house and so
on
I could see some o f the silent treatment and sulking— after I awhile
I would go back and try and make it better, taking the responsibility for his
stuff. You see [my husband] was more of a subtle controller. He was
emotionally manipulative.
He was very abusive, not physically, never physically hit me
I can’t say
he wasn’t physical because he used to rape me all the time. We’d go to bed,
and I’d wake up at whatever time and he was having sex with me. And it got
to the point where I stopped waking up. [Researcher, “You’d just turn it
off?”] Y eah,. . . that is how I ended up pregnant with my daughter.
[He was emotionally abusive,] from the time that we were together, I mean
the entire time we were together, I was stupid, useless, or you can be replaced.
And it didn’t matter at all who was there. He did it with my parents around;
he did it with my friends around. It didn’t matter at all who was there.
These examples show some of the type o f emotional and physical abuse that my co­
researchers left behind when they separated from their partners. In the first mother’s case,
the abuse had so eroded her self-esteem that she did not attempt to take the children with her
although she had originally planned to do so. She recalled, “So what he said is, ‘that if you
try and take those kids I’ll fight for them.’ And in those days, I was not strong enough
emotionally. And I believed that he meant it, since after all he had been sort o f ruling the
house kind o f thing - all the affairs of the house and so on.”
In each o f the five instances where separation from children was related to the
pre-condition o f separation from spouse some form o f abuse can be identified either on the
spouse’s part, in the mother’s childhood home, or both. Here is an example shared by one
woman o f the emotional and financial abuse that resulted in her children living with her ex­
spouse:
He phoned me up one night and he was drunk and he was yelling and
screaming at me and he said that I get paid $550 a month to raise the children

87
and I better damn well do that right. And I said if you think it is so easy to do
it on $550 a month here take the kids for a year. So he hummed and hawed,
and about two months after I said that he came and got the kids . . . And what
people don’t know is like when everybody is condemning me and stuff, I
mean I needed that break, I mean I’ve been a mom since 1 was 18. And that’s
ten years. And at that time I needed to go back to school, I needed to get an
education and a better job so that when the kids did come to live with me 1
wasn’t on welfare. 1 had no skills as such. Hum, I mean 1 was a . . . And I
didn’t want that career. And emotionally 1 couldn’t deal with it no more. He
had beaten me to a pulp emotionally. Oh, you’re a bad mother, you’re this,
you’re that.
After this telephone conversation between the mother and her ex-spouse, they made a legal
agreement that he would care for the children for a year and return the children at the end of
the year after she had completed her training. About half way through the year he went to
court and gained full custody o f the children. This woman reported that when she tried to
contest this, her legal aid lawyer said, “well you don’t have a hope in hell o f getting the kids
back because you let them go to begin with. ” This situation demonstrates that mothers who
have custody o f their children are not necessarily supported by their communities or the
courts to care for themselves so they are better able to care for their children.

It also

demonstrates the risks in allowing a partner to temporarily care for a child when a mother
eventually wants to regain custody.
Only one mother in my research mentioned regaining custody in similar
circumstances. She said that although neither o f her children were her ex-spouse’s, that the
Ministry o f Children and Families arranged for her ex-spouse and his new partner, a hooker,
to care for her children while she obtained some emotional help to deal with her past abuse
and attended school. While she received some help with her issues, she did not return to
school. Further, her ex-spouse and his new partner applied to adopt her children before she
was ready to resume parenting them. When she went to court about the adoption, this mother
stated that the court woricer said to her.

88
‘how do you feel about this?’ And I said, ‘I don’t like it.’ He says, ‘well 1
want to talk to you.’ So he kicked them out [her ex-spouse and new partner].
And he talked to me. And he said, ‘it’s within my power to say yeah or n e i ^
to this. And you know the circumstances are this, that you just needed some
time to deal with you abuse issues. Not give your children] up.’
After speaking to the woman privately, the court worker arranged for Ministry o f Children
and Family to do a house check and return the children to her. In the patriarchal hierarchy of
value, prostitutes are less worthy to be mothers than are women on welfare.^^ 1 wonder what
might have happened concerning the return o f this mother’s children to her if her ex-spouse
had been the children’s biological father or if she had been the prostitute and her ex-spouse’s
partner had been on social assistance.
My Co-Researchers’ Response to the Separation
The responses o f my co-researchers to separation included initial reactions of
relief, loss, and anger. Often they had feelings o f guilt about abandoning their children.
Frequently they felt anger and resentment with their ex-spouses’ parenting behaviour. Many
o f the mothers expressed initial feelings o f shame, followed by eventual acceptance o f the
separation.
In response to my question, “could you tell me about your experiences about
living apart from your children?” several of the mothers mentioned feeling relieved.
Sandra’s response is typical.

She said, “I felt relief.

Like 1 felt oh, whew!

I felt so

overwhelmed that I just lived for the weekends. And then they come back and its like. Oh
n o ! . . . And so I was relieved.” Zaza’s response was also one o f relief that her difficult child
was no longer disrupting her relationship with her husband and other children. Here are
some o f her comments;

26

Ibid., “Sexuality,” 123.

89
And I am not sorry. And I feel guilty for not feeling sorry. You know, I am
so relieved. And I am so glad that she doesn’t live with m e . . . And I don’t
know how to explain it, it’s like all the air got let back into my house. Do you
understand? It’s like there is oxygen in it now. We can breathe.
Both mothers are talking about the relief they felt when they were no longer required to
provide full-time child-care. Our culture expects mothers to care for all o f their children’s
needs while making few allowances for their own needs.^^

Laura’s insights about the

situation draws attention to some of our society’s unrealistic expectations for mothers.^^
Here are some o f her comments about what happened if she went to a coffee shop while she
was on welfare and cared for her children full-time:
[People would say,] ‘Oh my god! I can’t believe it. Look she’s in the coffee
shop! She doesn’t have her kids!’ ‘I mean, who’s got your kids? Welfare
must be paying for her kids to be with a sitter.’ Oh yeah! 1 mean I love my
children but seven days a week, 24 hours a day. 1 mean at some point 1 need a
break. And I’ll take it. 1 don’t think twice about taking a break.. . There is
days when you do not take the break because you know you cannot afford to.
The initial relief some of the mothers expressed at finally having a break and not being
overwhelmed by child-care responsibilities was, however, short-lived.

Guilt and a deep

sense o f loss often followed.
Guilt and loss were the two predominant feelings o f the mothers who were
separated from their children. The loss was related to the grief over missing their children
and their own role as mothers (see Figure 2). The guilt was related to how they judge
themselves as mothers who were not fulfilling their internalised role and causing pain to
those they love.

Often the two were intertwined with anger so that it was difficult to

” Jill Matthews, ibid., and Marlee Kline, “Complicating the Ideolog}' of Motherhood: Child Welfare Law and
First Nation Women,” Queens Law Journal 2 (1993), 311.
^ Ibid., discusses 'The Dominant Ideology of Motherhood.’

90
Figure 2: No longer a mother.

And afterl left the kids, I felt
I no longer had the right
to be called a mother.

i

jt

91
distinguish what behaviours were driven by grief and loss or by anger and guilt. Here are
examples of how the mothers felt when they became separated from their children:
Sadness, the void you feel. That there is a piece o f you missing, you know.
And there is. You know your role is totally switched. Where before your day
was dictated by your kids and [your] mind was always
filled with thoughts of them, what they are going to eat, what they are going to
wear, do they need boots, do they . . . ? That’s always in there you know.
You just never don’t think about them. And then when you don’t have that,
there is that huge hole like.
I don’t consider what I’m doing a parent. I’m not a parent anymore. I’m
somebody that the kids come over and spend time with and ask for money
from. That’s who I am. And that’s my own fault I guess for letting this
happen.. . . It isn’t my fault that the circumstances were there, but it is my
fault for allowing the circumstances to control what happened. That’s the
difference. . . . A lot of anger too. This would have never happened if 1
would have got proper child support
that is not my fault. I wanted to play
nice. 1 didn’t want to play hardball. . . . It’s my own fault. I let him
manipulate me.
And I fluctuate between real anger. . . and now I just feel a lot o f loss. And
you feel very sorry for the child . . . I’m just sorry that (s)he has made these
choices [this child lives apart from his/her parents so that (s)he does not hurt
the younger children in the family ]
It’s hell
When (s)he was nine-months old and my [other child] was five,
they went to live with my ex-husband. It was tough; I was a weekend parent
for awhile. Yeah, it was really, really tough. I don’t think, if they hadn’t
come home, I don’t believe I would have had a reason to live at that point in
my life. I was living for them.. . . There is a lot o f my own abandonment
issues that came up [from childhood abuse]. I mean I haven’t given it a lot of
thought but I probably had always thought that they were going to be here.
I think my feelings now are not as painful as they used to be. They used to be
very painful. When I lefr, and especially when I had to take my youngest. . .
back to his/her father. Because I took him/her with me for about a month and
then I took him/her back to her dad. That was very painful because (s)he did
not understand. And I could see that my children ^ d not understand and that
really did hurt so bad. It felt that something inside really did die. . . . And it
was very painful so my way of dealing with some o f that was to, I was with a
boyfriend at the time, and that was kind o f to focus my attention on him. And

92
you know, kind o f leading a wild lifestyle, wild because he was abusive.
Yeah.”
Well it is like making Sophie’s choice, it is like the woman who had to decide
which child to leave in die concentration camp and which one to take with
her. And that always stuck with me. What a horrible choice. It’s the same
thing. You are condemning your child to a group home where [the child]
wanders forth, where there is no parent.”
I feel litde analysis is needed o f the mothers’ feelings because o f the poignancy o f their
stories. Two things appear to affect my co-researchers’ affective state. First, some o f their
feelings o f guilt seem to result firom their internalisation of society’s beliefs about what a
mother is and how she cares for her children. Second, they accept responsibility for the
separation from their children, even though they often had very litde choice in the decision to
live separately from their children. An example is the second women in the previous list
blaming herself for not being able to resist her ex-spouse’s abusive manipulation.
In chapter 4 , 1 look at my co-researchers’ understanding o f who a mother is, and
discuss how they have come to terms with their feelings about the separation, and society’s
responses to them.

Joan’s experiences o f using a wild lifestyle to help deal with the pain are similar to what some o f the women
in a previous unpublished research project told me their responses had been to being separated Grom their
children.
In refeiiing to Sophie’s choice Bernice is recalling the novel by William Styron, Sophie’s Choice which is
now also out in video fonnat. The story line is that the mother must choose, instead of the SS ofGcer, which
one of her children will die and which will live. The novel is described in Jane Swigait, “On Fathers and Male
Mothers: The Myth of The Bad Father, ” The Myth o f the Bad Mother, Parenting without Guilt (New Yoric:
Avon Books, 1992), 135 & 136.

CHAPTER FOUR
WOMEN OF COURAGE & AGENCY
. . . and then after I left my kids, then I felt that I no longer had the right to be
called a mother because I had lost the role o f a mother. So therefore, it's like
why hold onto a role. So then, but then I realised that to be a mother is more
than a role, it’s really it’s part o f who I am. It’s part o f my soul. It’s part o f it,
because those children are not just children. They come from me. So there is
more o f a bond that cannot be defined by a role. So to be a mother really is
not what I do and what I did but it’s really who I am.
Joan
One o f my acquaintances suggested a new name, “women o f courage,” for my thesis
because in our culture it takes courage to live as a mother without one’s children. The
mothers I interviewed are pioneers in a sense. They are women o f courage who are seeking
to find their place in a culture that marginalises them while denying or denigrating their
status as mothers. In this respect, they recognise, as bell hook states, that “opposition is not
enough. In that vacant space after one has resisted there is still the necessity to become—to
make oneself anew.” ' In seeking to ‘make themselves anew’ the six mothers I interviewed
each developed an oppositional worldview.’
My co-researchers are pioneers in resisting the colonisation o f their minds by the
dominant culture’s ideology about mothers. They used several strategies in their resistance.
One strategy I explored in Chapter 3 was the women’s decision to make their stories visible
so that their experiences could no longer be denied. A second strategy is to challenge the
stereotypes held about them as members of a particular group. Research from the margins
can assist individuals or groups to identify where they are already using these last two
resistance strategies and help them find additional sites o f resistance. To do so, researchers

' bell hook, “The Politics of Radical Black Subjectivity,” Yearning: race, gender, and cultural politics
(Toronto: Between the Lines, 1990), 15.

94
use creative analyses and critical thinking. These processes encourage the researcher to set
aside their personal assumption and examine their observations in a new way that “make [s]
sense of the information gained in the research process without imposing definitive
conclusions."^ In this chapter, I use these processes to develop an awareness o f my co­
researchers’ experiences of marginalisation and their resistance strategies, and to suggest
alternate explanations for their experiences than those they shared with me.
Marginalisation
Thus far in my thesis, 1 have implied that mothers who live apart from their children
are an oppressed and marginalised group. I have not, however, put forth any evidence to
show that mothers who live apart from their children are such a group. Being outside o f the
main body, or ‘on the margins,’ often means that the experiences and reality o f marginalised
groups are denied. Denial can mean not acknowledging something or interpreting it from a
different viewpoint than the person experiencing it.^ Members of marginalised groups often
deny their own experiences by interpreting them from the perspective of the dominant group.
Their minds have been, as discussed by bell hook, colonised so that they no longer have a
place of resistance.^

Sandra Kirby and Kate McKenna label this type o f behaviour as

doublethink/doublespeak’^ It is a survival strategy that abused people typical use.^
To develop my awareness of my co-researchers’ experiences o f marginalisation, I
looked at their stories of discrimination and oppression. In examining their stories I found

■Janice L. Ristock and Joan Pennel, “Creative Analyses,” Community Research as Empowerment: Feminist
Links, Postmodern Interruptions (Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1996), 79, and Patricia Maquire,
“Paradigms and Research: Different Lenses for Viewing Retdity,” Doing Participatory Research: a feminist
approach (Amherst: The Centre for International Education, 1987), 14.
’ Anne Bishop, Becoming an Ally: Breaking the Cycle o f Oppression (Halifax: Femwood Publishing, 1994).
* bell hook. “Choosing the Margin as a Space of Radical Openness,” Ibid., ISO..
* Sandra Kirby & Kate McKenna, “IntroAiction” to Experience Research Social Change: Methods From the
Margins (Toronto: Garmond Press, 1989), 24.

95
examples o f invisibility, isolation, silencing, internalised guilt, negative social judgement,
and reduced agency, all symptoms of oppression that can be caused by discrimination.

Invisibility
The media portrays mothers with their children. It does not include the message that
some mothers live apart from their children.

For example, television and magazine

advertisements show women in parks with children, women baking cookies with children,
women calling young adults or their grandchildren on the telephone, and women doing
laundry for children. None show women calling their own young children long distance,
sending parcels to them, or picking out cards for them. The implicit message is that the parttime or absent mother does not exist. That is what some of my co-researchers believed. Joan
stated, “I felt that I was the only one. When I left, I felt that no mothers left their children. I
felt that I had done something very bad. And obviously nobody, I mean, that there were not
that many people who did things like that.” Joan delivered her words to me in a lifeless
voice. In telling me of her experience it was as though she were reliving it - and part o f her
had died. In fact, in describing her feelings she said, “it felt that something inside really did
die.” Invisibility, that denies the reality, such as what Joan describes, is one of the effects of
marginalisation that I discussed in Chapter 1.

Isolation
For marginalised people, invisibility and isolation often co-exist. Isolation can be a
result o f external or internal forces. Bemice stated that her isolation was enforced by a
school policy that prevented her from entering the school her child attended. Here is her
description o f this event:

‘ Judith Lewis Heiman, “Introduction” to Trauma and Recovery (New York: Basic Books, 1992), I.

96
And then when they take the child which is most difficult - the most hurtful
part is that all those activities you poured yourself into doing with your child,
you can’t go to the activities. That is what hurts the most. You can’t go to the
activities. And also you are losing your life. People say well do something
else. You’re losing your friends, you lose your companions. You lose your
soul-mates, the people that you talk to, the mothers that have other children
that you socially maybe talk t o . .. You lose your life!
Bemice is describing exclusion from her child’s school that resulted in role loss and isolation
from her friends. Joan mentioned choosing to isolate herself to prevent further negative
interaction and the subsequent pain. She stated:
So in fact I kept away from women in general because o f the experiences of
being judged. And that would be very shattering, you know. It would
reinforce more and more the guilt to have done something like that. And then
it would send me into a spell o f depression again. So eventually 1 choose to
keep away from the wound, you ioiow from the pain, from the people who
could bring on more pain.
These two women’s experiences demonstrate that isolation for mothers who live apart from
their children can result from shunning as well as internalised overpowering feelings o f guilt
at being “the only” mother who does not live with her child(ren). The belief that one is “the
only one” may be related to the invisibility o f mothers who live apart from their children.
Internalised Guilt
Most of my co-researchers mentioned feeling guilty or blaming themselves because
they did not live with their children.

When I asked Sandra about her experiences of

disapproval from society, she responded: “How did I feel about it? Just how could you
explain yourself? You feel bad, you feel guilty. As if you don’t have enough guilt in your
life you know. So that is about it - guilty as charged!” Joan volunteered that she felt so
guilty about leaving her children that she even initiated negative social interactions. About
her experience she said:

97
It’s like I, in fact, just told everything to the people. It was like [I was]
waiting for them to do the punishing. And I guess it worked to some extent. I
felt hurt, maybe it’s not always punishing that I felt, maybe I was hurting and
so desperate that maybe I was looking for someone who could be kind and
really help me to understand. But sometimes that is not the opinion, the
feeling that I did get. And it would be very painful, my way o f dealing with
some o f that.
“Guilty as charged” and “waiting for them to do the punishing” are expressions that
acknowledge my co-researchers’ acceptance of their failure to comply with the socially
accepted role o f motherhood.^ These remarks demonstrate that my co-researchers had, at
that point in their lives, internalised our culture’s beliefs about mothers and that they blamed
themselves for their situation.
Negative Social Judgement
My co-researchers’ feelings of isolation and self-incrimination were compounded by
negative social judgement.

In response to my question, “could you tell me about any

experiences o f disapproval you received from society?” each o f the women had at least one
example of negative social judgement. One mother’s succinctly summarised her experiences
for me, stating:
How many hundreds do you want to hear? Like there is all kinds. Well I’ll
just give you a couple. How about, oh they want to know how come you
don’t have your kids. And then you hear, T could never leave my kids.’ . . .
It’s stuff like that, you hear that. I mean there are hundreds, but they are not
all that different. ‘Like how could you? What kind o f mother are you?’ All
that stuff.
The above mother seemed aware that the negative comments she received had common

^ Jill Matthew, “Mothering,” in Good and Mad Women: The Historiacl Construction o f Feminity in TwentiethCeniuty Australia (Sydney; George Alien & Unwin, 1984), 173-197, explores the concept of the ‘good
mother’ by analysing why women who were hospitalised for psychiatrie care were considered bad’ or deviant
mothers..

98
themes. Here are some additional examples my co-researchers shared with me about the
negative comments they received:
I found that the attitude was really judgemental, condemning. 1 felt judged by
women as in, ‘how dare you abandon your children.’ And men thought that
obviously if 1 had abandoned my kids I was a whore (see Figure 3).^
I had a &iend who was [from a different country]. After I left, I phoned her
and she told me, “[my husband] does not want you to come back in the house
anymore." Really that was maybe him, but that was also her.
So 1 have lost some friends, who [were] really close friends. [When one]
found out that 1 had left she said that, “how can you abandon your children?"
1 wouldn’t say society gives you lots of support, you lose friends all right!
I mean the kids know that daddy’s family hates mummy. You know, they
[think I] should have never left him. [They say that] he was the best thing that
ever happened to me. And financially, yeah he was. But emotionally he was
not!
Some judgemental things, you know, like discussing children in front of me.
And my parents would phone me up and say, “Do you know the kind o f
people she’s associating with in that group [home]?" And I’d say, “mom for
god’s sake you know, [my child] is one of those kind o f people. ” Because my
parents were thinking this poor angelic child that she’s in this horrible
environment. And to try and make them understand that [my child] is one o f
the worst o f the bunch.
Mothers also mentioned ‘the look’ in response to my question, “what happens if you tell
somebody that your kids are living separate from you?" Here is one mother’s description of
‘the look’:
You know that look that you give or you get, when somebody says like oh
yeah, what did you do? I get that look o f aren’t you a good enough mother to
have your chil&en? . . . What did you used to do, hit your kids? And I get
that look o f where do you get off giving away your children fix>m men.
While each of the mothers appeared to experience “the look," one women’s experiences o f
social stigmatisation were unique to her. This woman was the only mother who said that she

' Anne Bishop, “Step 2: Understanding Different Oppressions,” Ibid., 68.

99
Figure 3: Whore

And men thought that obviously if
I had abandoned my kids I was a
WHORE!!!

i
J

H

100

“mostiy supported her family and herself on welfare.” In the following comments she clearly
states that mothers are stigmatised for being on welfare:
I’ve heard, “1 paid for the likes o f you living on welfare. I’m a working
person, and I’m paying for you to be on welfare.” . . . Well, [they mean that]
I’m a poor parent because I’m on welfare. I’m not out there working.
But with my [older child] 1 got flack. Because 1 was not a good parent.
Because [the assumptions was that] had 1 been a good parent, at 13 my god
(s)he wouldn’t have been out Aere.
[The flack was] verbal, tough
verbalisation. 1 won’t say abuse, but tough verbalisations. Degrading, who 1
was. Just a lot of verbiage from people Aat believe Aat 1 shouldn’t have
stayed on welfare raising my kids. And Aat my daughter should be at home
widi me. . . . There was a lot o f flack in regards [to my] raising my kids,
wheAer my kids have been at home or not at home - it’s because I’ve been on
Ae welfare.
This moAer’s conunents indicate Aat she was stigmatised for being on welfare and because
her one child did not live wiA her. AlAough Aere is likely an interaction between Ae two
forms of stigmatisation, 1 feel Aat 1 have insufficient information to examine Ae interaction
and will not do so.
My co-researcher also shared comments about negative social judgement wiA me
when 1 mquired about support. It appears that some o f my co-researchers found some o f
Aeir caregivers’ responses to Aeir siAation as less Aan supportive.

Examples my co­

researchers mterpreting Aeir caregivers’ behaviour as judgmental or non-supportive include:
What a hoot! Are you kidding! All Aey do is say well maybe you should sort
o f get on wiA life. Nothing!
[Ae professional care providers] didn’t know how to react. They didn’t know
what to say. And Aese are professional people who should know better. Who
ought to know and who simply didn’t know Ae emotional process, nor did
Aey know anything about the legal process. Or what it was doing to Ae
family. They were totally ignorant. Aiid yet Aey’re counsellors and teachers.
So 1 find Aat very surprising. That Aey don’t know more.
And [when Aey take your child] you are given no Aanks for what you have
done up to Aat point. You are treated like a piece o f rubber. And you are

101
expected to feel like a piece o f rubber. Just [like a piece o f rubber so] they
can kick you and you bounce.
Because then, they’re all like, ‘you and your husband must go for counselling.
Cause there is obviously a problem here. And (laughter) I don’t mind the
counselling bit. But to blame me! When I have two other children that have
no problems.
[my family doctor] said there wasn’t a problem because he didn’t see the
behaviour. All he did was analyse our marriage.
Some o f these comments suggest that their caregivers had insufficient information about
mothers who live apart from their children. With only unfounded stereotypes and sketchy
information available about an event in people’s lives it is difficult for anyone, including
counsellors, to help an individual accept their experiences as a normal part o f life rather than
a unique event. If these mothers were not marginalised, there would be more awareness of
their actual experiences. Perhaps then their caregivers would be less apt to make negative
judgements and more willing to listen and validate these mothers’ experiences.
Many of the negative comments my co-researchers received suggest that the
individuals making the statement were attempting to differentiate themselves from a mother
who abandons her children. Differentiating oneself to create an ‘other’ group can serve two
purposes. First, it can help the oppressors deny their own vulnerability and the humanity of
the other person. In denying the experiences of the “other” they often force the “other” to
deny their own experiences. This is a form o f the double/speak double/think that I discussed
earlier.

My research suggests that some o f my co-researchers were engaging in this

behaviour. Second, as Anne Bishop states, creating an “other” helps the dominant group
maintain control and reserve resources for their own purposes.^ The cumulative effects of

’ Ibid, 71. This comment is consistent with Anne Bishop’s statement that, “In [her] experience, every oppressed
group has been assigned at least one false negative belief related to sexuality.”

102

individuals differentiating themselves firom ‘others’ is injustice and inequality.
Silencing
The multitude o f negative responses these mothers received seemed to precipitate one
response firom my co-researchers - silence. Several of them stated that they learned that the
best method to avoid the negative statements about their mothering was to keep silent. Here
are two women’s comments:
1 don’t usually tell very many people. Unless 1 get to know them well.
1 don’t tell too many people. Because people get horrified. I’m very careful
about who 1 discuss this with. . . . A lot o f people think 1 only have [this
number of] children. They don’t realise that 1, unless I know them for a long
time, that I have [more] kids.
Remaining silent, because they risk negative judgement if they do not, likely contributes to
two other effects these mothers experience. First, not talking about their experiences as
mothers perpetuates the lack of knowledge available about their experiences. Second, it
enforces their isolation or feelings of disconnection firom other people and reduces their
ability to advocate on their own behalf. Silencing is also a form of doublethink/doublespeak
because it results in individuals either not acknowledging or setting aside their own
understandings o f their experiences.
Reduced Agency
Reduced agency can contribute to the feeling o f powerlessness in mothers who live
apart fix>m their children. This can further restrict their available options or their ability to
identify their available options. A reduction in available options diminishes their ability to

’ Ibid., “Step I: Understanding Oppression - How is it held in place?” 37.

103
make wise choices for themselves and their children and can create a space where they must
use doublethink. For mothers who live apart from their children this type o f oppression may
include denying their feelings and experiences, denying them an opportunity to be active
agents in their children’s lives, and restricting their choices o f conversation topics and
volunteer activities.
Denying feelings can take two forms. First, it can silence or prevent individuals from
voicing their feelings or talking about their experiences.

An example is one mother’s

comment, “there are a lot of women out there that look at me and think, ‘wow, look at how
free she is.’ 1 am free. About as free as you can be with that kind of stuff carrying around in
your spirit.” She said that with this type o f response that she did not feel free to talk about
her loss nor to acknowledge her pain. Second, feelings are denied when someone is told how
they can feel. And example is the comment, “[a mother] can grieve but she has to have her
guilt.” Although guilt can be part of the grief cycle, it is not the only part. If people expect a
mother without her children to feel guilty, they may interact with her in a manner that
prevents her from experiencing her full range o f emotions and moving forward through the
other stages o f the grief cycle. ' ‘
Living apart from their children reduces a mother’s agency in two areas. First, not
being with them on a daily basis, an obvious consequence o f a mothers not having custody of
their children, restricts their ability to be part o f their children’s lives.

Several mothers

mentioned being angry and sad as a result. One mother said, “you really miss those firsts
[steps, words, day at school, etc.] with the kids and being there with them.” Another mother

'* Elisabeth Kfibler-Ross, “Letting Go,” in On Children and Death ((New Yoric MacMillan Publishing
Company, 1983), 170.

104
mentioned feeling guilty because she had not been there to support her daughter when the
kitchen caught on fire.
A second consequence o f living apart firom their children for these mothers was that
they were often unable to influence their children’s environment. Here are a few examples o f
their comments about being excluded from making decision on their child’s behalf:
You feel isolated and not part of your children’s lives.
The one nanny had firiends over that I disapproved of. And although it wasn’t
my home it’s my children. And I do have a say. Like I mean, the one fnend,
I knew, used pot. And I asked her very politely, please do not bring my
children over to [your] house. And I was told flat out by the nanny, “I’ll do
whatever I want. You are not here.” I have no control.
And it is very frustrating and you get very angry because you see social
workers making decisions when they don’t know what they are doing. Well
they don’t know half of what they are dealing with. They’ll tell you that your
child is doing very well. Doing just fine! You know that’s not so. They hand
you out lots o f BS. That’s what they do. They just want to tell you what they
want to tell you, because they don’t want to tell you the truth.
These two mothers seem to be expressing feelings o f powerlessness.

Another mother

mentioned feeling powerless because she could not support her children in times o f crisis.
She stated:
If the kids go into the hospital - 1 don’t hear about it. You know, something
happens at school - I don’t hear about it. [This mother said she was angry
because she was unable to support her children when she was not notified
what was happening for them.]
These few examples suggest that these mothers feel powerless and have little agency in some
situations where collaboration with their children’s caregivers would be possible and may
benefit the children.
My co-researchers also mentioned that their opportunities to participate in casual
conversation or volunteer activities were restricted.

One mother said that because she

105
received negative judgement when she mentioned her children she was “really hesitant to
discuss it with people.”

Two other women mentioned their difficulties with causal

conversation. They said:
I don’t like it because what is one o f the most asked questions you get when
people know you have kids. Oh, how many? And I don’t like the feeling that
I have to dissemble and hide things. And watch what 1 say.
So I kept away firom women in general because o f the experiences o f being
judged.
Several of the mothers mentioned that it was okay to talk with one’s firiends about an adult
child who lived apart fi'om them, whereas it was not okay to talk about a younger child who
lived apart firom them. The mothers who mentioned this said they were pleased with this
change in their situation and looked forward to sharing conversations with their firiends about
about their children. Their optimism about the future, however, did not appear to negate their
resentment about their past or current situation.
Two mothers’ comments suggest that living apart from their children initiated
discrimination that controlled their behaviour. Another mother mentioned that living apart
from her child meant that her volunteer activities were restricted at her children’s school and
at church. She said that she was not permitted to teach Sunday school for her church, a
volunteer position in which she would have liked to participate. About this restriction she
said, “if they needed somebody to teach children [at church], I was not the one that was
called, let’s put it that way. In desperation they would seek out overworked, over-busy
people, who really didn’t have the time for a commitment.” The other mother mentioned that
living apart fiom her children appeared to give some men the message that she was
‘available.’ She said that “men thought that obviously if I had left my children I was a
whore” and that at times she experienced a great deal o f pressure to participate in sexual

106
relationships with men after they discovered she lived apart from her children. She also said
that at times her self-esteem was so low that she had given in to the pressure to conform to
the men’s expectations and now felt guilty about having had unprotected sex and about her
decision to participate in it
Marginalisation, as I discussed in Chapters 1 and 2, denies people’s experiences and
prevents their perspectives from being included when public policy is formulated or when
people form their schemas about them. Denying people’s experiences moves them toward
the margins and reduces their agency.

My research suggests that the six mothers 1

interviewed were experiencing marginalisation.

Specifically they experienced negative

social judgements and stigmatisation for not meeting our cultural norms relating to
motherhood to a degree that reduced their agency.

They also experienced isolation,

silencing, and inability to make decisions that affected themselves or their children. These
mothers’ experiences of marginalisation and oppression appeared to be increasing their pain.
Their marginalisation also appeared to create a ‘spirit of resistance’ in them.
Sites of Resistance
“Cultural criticism’’ can help oppressed minorities resist domination by the dominant
culture.'^ It is a “practice o f critique and analysis that. . . disruptfs) and even deconstruct(s)
those cultural productions that were designed to promote and reinforce domination,”'^ The
intent o f this resistance is to:
create an oppositional worldview, a consciousness, an identity, a standpoint
that exists not only as that struggle which also opposes dehumanization but as
that movement which enables creative, expansive self-actualisation? . . . .
beiis hooks, “Liberation Scenes," in Yearning race, gender, and cultural politics (Toronto: Bctn’ees the
Lines, 1990), 3.
Ibid.

107
There is an inner uprising that leads to rebellion
That space within
oneself where resistance is possible remains! It is different then to talk about
becoming subjects. That process emerges as one comes to understand how
structures of domination work in one’s own life, as one develops critical
thinking and critical consciousness, as one invents new, alternative habits of
being, and resists fiom that marginal space o f difference inwardly defined.” ''*
It appears that as the initial pain subsided after the separation from their children, each o f my
co-researchers found a space to resist the dominant ideology o f what is a ‘good mother.’
Examining their stories for sites o f resistance 1 found that they used creativity to identify and
use support systems, develop alternate interpretations about events in their lives, and identify
spaces to nurture their children.

Each of these methods reduced their oppression and

increased their feelings of being a competent mother.
Identifying and Using Available Support
Support in an atmosphere where negative reactions are anticipated provided positive
respite.

My research suggests that identifying and remembering even the small bits of

support so that they could remind themselves o f it in difficult times was one positive coping
strategy these women used to care for themselves and resist internalising the message that
they were ‘bad mothers.’ My co-researchers identified and used family members, friends,
support groups, and counsellors for support. Several o f the mothers received support from
more than one source. However, there was no common theme o f where my co-researchers
found support and some women could recall no incidents o f support (see Figure 4).
1 feel it is important to share my co-researchers’ positive experiences o f support for
two reasons. First, their experiences are examples o f what mothers who live apart from their
children perceive as positive support. And second, their experiences of support are like rays

" Ibid., “The Politics of Radical Black Subjectivity,” 15.

108

Figure 4: Support ?

Support? Nothing!!!
W hat a hoot! Are you Kidding?
All they do is say, "well maybe you
should sort of get on with life.”

>L

o

%
<1

L
*
X
w

109
of light at the end o f a tunnel - they provide hope. The support these mothers received
suggests that if some members of our society can accept and support women who are
participating in alternate forms o f mothering, perhaps our society's expectations of mothers
are changing. It also suggest that perhaps as a community someday we will be able to accept
mothers who live apart from their children as participating in just another form o f acceptable
parenting. If and when this occurs, mothers who live apart from their children will be able to
move closer to the centre of society where more lifestyle choices are available and less
oppression occurs.
My co-researchers viewed support from family members and friends that included
acceptance positively. Zaza mentioned her parmer’s family as being very good at accepting
what happened and supporting her. She quoted their words as, “You know, Zaza, it is not
your fault. We don’t blame you.’’ She also mentioned her friend as a source o f support when
she said, “It doesn’t bother me as much as it would otherwise because people like my best
friend who have known me for a long time know. I get such support.” Anne received some
support from her mother. She stated, “yeah, she [my mother] gave me some [support]. We
don’t talk very often, but the couple o f times we did.” One woman’s sister also lives apart
from her children.

The woman said that her sister expressed so much guilt about the

situation, however, that she did not find her supportive. These women’s comments suggest
that acceptance explicitly stated and a lack o f negative judgement are two appreciated
characteristics o f support.
One co-researcher mentioned using a support group to obtain help. She said that I
could share the following anecdote to show that a woman can change her behaviour if she
chooses to do so. Here are her words about her experiences when she first left her children:

110
And I could see that m y children did not understand and that really did hurt so
bad. It felt that something inside really did d ie
And it was very painful,
so my way of dealing with some o f that was to, I was with a boyfriend at the
time, and that was kind of to focus my attention on him. And you know, kind
of leading a wild lifestyle, wild because he was abusive —
This mother also mentioned that she had been extremely depressed and felt very guilty about
leaving her children. She said that her ‘abusive’ boyfriend and her addictions were ways o f
dulling the pain. She mentioned finding an advertisement for a support group after she had
lived apart firom her children for a time. About finding it she said:
The only breakthrough happened when I came across an article in [my
community] about a support group for mothers without children. But by then
a lot o f the excruciating pain o f the beginning had lessened a little bit. But
that 1 think to just see the name on the bulletin board that such a group
existed, 1 didn’t feel so bad. And 1 didn’t feel that 1 was the only one. It had
happened to other women and that validated my experience.
This woman said that after she had received some support, “she let go o f most o f her
addictions and is no longer addicted to sex.” This woman said her experiences with the
group were positive and thought that groups might be a useful method o f providing support
for mothers who live apart from their children. She also said that she had used other forms of
support after the group ended.
Support fix>m counsellors or other care-providers was valuable when it was available.
However, only three women including the previously mentioned one said that they received
this form of support.

Two women said that their counsellors provided validation and

acceptance for them when they first separated firom their children. This appeared to help
them accept their feelings about living apart firom their children and adjust to the situation.
Sandra’s experience is an example o f minimal counsellor intervention, which was beneficial.
She said.

Ill
some counsellor like when he found out what was going to happen he
suggest[ed] I get this book. And that is the “Weekend Parent”. It is really
good. And he said, ‘maybe you should look into counselling after, because
it’s going to be harder than you think.’ And 1 remember that. But 1 didn’t go
for counselling. But he was right. It was harder than 1 thought it would be.
Sandra’s counsellor’s words, that “It’s going to be harder than you think,” helped prepare her
for her feelings and to accept them as normal. Anne’s experience with counsellors was more
extensive. She responded to my question o f receiving support when her sixteen-year- old
child left home by saying,
yes, the counsellor at [an association] that we had been dealing with. 1 was
able to keep in touch with him a couple o f times. In fact he snagged my
husband off the street one day and told him, ‘1just want you to know you are
not alone in this.’ And it made him a lot better. It helped him to understand a
lot more things.
Her comments demonstrate that, when an older child leaves home o f his/her own accord,
parents still may feel guilty and isolated and appreciate a counsellor’s support. Anne also
talked about the support she received 6om a counsellor when her children lived with her exhusband as pre-schoolers. About this counsellor she said, “And they sent me this wonderful
little man, who is too nice. Very sensitive. 1 cried and he cried. But he was a lifesaver. He
would talk to me and he would help me to understand, you know, that it wasn’t going to be
for a long time.” In this instance, her counsellor’s support was very valuable to her and made
a big difference in her ability to cope with the situation. It likely helped her feel confident
enough to ask for her children back when her ex-husband attempted to adopt them.
Having someone, whether it was a family member, friend, support group, or
counsellor, available to provide support was important and seemed to speed the adjustment
process. After all, as one o f my co-researchers stated, “being heard and acknowledged are
really what all human beings desire.” Most o f my co-researchers said they felt that the
support they received helped them adapt to their new situation o f living separately from their

112
children. Reviewing my co-researchers story suggests that the support they received also
helped also them develop resistance strategies that enabled them to cope more adaptively to
living apart 6om their children.

Developing Alternate Interpretations
When interviewing my co-researchers I had asked them “what is a family and who
are mothers?” I did not realise until I began to analyse their responses that they had actually
told me about how they developed one resistance strategy to cope with their marginalisation
- an alternate understanding o f motherhood. Joan chose to answer my question sequentially,
beginning when she first separated firom her children and moving forward to the present.
This response pattern provided some unique insights. It showed the pattern o f emotional
changes she went through as she journeyed fi’om the initial separation to acceptance o f her
new role. I will attempt capture these insights for you by organising my co-researchers’
reported experiences sequentially, as modelled by Joan.
In the quotation at the beginning o f this chapter Joan said she had lost her role, but
later came to understand that being a mother is a bond with her children that defines who she
is. Earlier in our discussion, Joan provided these insights about who she believed a mother
was when she first began to live apart fiom her children.
To be a mother for me meant to be someone who never got angry, someone
who was always perfect, someone who was always there for their children.
Basically a saint. Obviously someone who never had sex because that would
not fit the image o f a mother. More like a Virgin Mary sort o f . . . and now
about what it means to me being a mother. To be a mother has changed over
the years. When I was with my children 1 wanted to be the best I could be and
so on and very perfect. But I ended up making kind of a lot o f mistakes, you
know. As a point o f reference maybe just what society wanted moms to be
you know. 1 wanted to be like that fit into that image.

113
Laura’s beliefs about who a mother is echoed Joan’s initial understanding. About
being a mother Laura said, “When I am with them I do everything I can for them. I stay
home with them, I do things with them, and I take care o f them, and I love them.’’ Each of
my co-researchers appeared to have initially accepted our society’s definition and standards
for mothers as identified by researchers such as Jill Matthews in Good and Mad Women and
Marlee Kline in “Complicating the Ideology of Motherhood: Child Welfare Law and First
Nation Women.’’*^
Each o f my co-researchers said that they experienced feelings o f loss o f role, anger,
and grief when they first began to live apart fiom their children. Eventually, however, they
began to evolve a new understanding of motherhood. As Joan said, “but then I realise that to
be a mother is more than a role, it’s really part o f who I am.’’ Laura volunteered that:
For me it’s to give the kids a sense of knowing where they belong. Knowing
that it doesn’t matter, they can talk to me about anything. And they do at this
point. . . I don’t know if it’s unconditional [love] or conditional. There are
conditions in so far as you have to behave yourself and this and that. But it
doesn’t matter what you do, I am always going to be your mom and I’m
always going to love you.
She also said that after awhile she came to recognise that being a mother is “helping the child
[to] discover where they belong” and to recognise that she will always be available for them.
Bernice said that as her understanding of motherhood evolved she began to realise that:
Being a mother means a great deal of change in yourself if you were to think
about how it affects you. It also means being available. It means not being
very popular sometimes. It’s both a very rewarding and very restrictive
experience. It is not what people believe is going to be a self-satisfying
[experience], because it doesn’t necessarily have to be a satisfying role. But if
you raise children that are capable that end up being good citizens, well then
you’ll know you’ve had this little part in history that was pretty miserable
sometimes. But it has to be done. It is just a necessary job
And as people
Jill Matthews, Ibid. and Marlee Kline, “Complicating the Ideology of Motherhood: Child Welfare Law and
First Nation Women,” Queens Law Journal, 2 (1993), 311.

114
you will always be looking at that other side because we [are] always wanting
something else. You know something to balance our lives off with. And you
can’t pursue those things always being a mother. So, it is something that you
look forward to and you look forward to finishing as well.
Bernice’s comments demonstrate an awareness o f the tasks mothers undertake with the birth
or adoption of a child.

I felt that she displayed a great deal o f courage when she

acknowledged that being a mother is not always satisfying, is sometimes restrictive, and that
at times one’s own needs are set aside to meet another person’s.
Part o f my co-researchers’ changing perceptions o f themselves included accepting
that mothering is an occupation that changes as one’s child(ren) mature, whether one lives
with them or apart from them. It is, as several o f the mothers commented, an ongoing job
that is not complete until one’s child has become independent. Joan said:
that [the definition of motheriiood] changes as my children are getting older. I
feel that definition again is being revised, because they are growing up. And
then gradually they lead their own life. And 1 feel therefore that, you know,
they are my children but in a way though I haven’t been actively involved in
their upbringing in the last nine years. I feel that in a way I am catching up
with the mothers who reach the age when their children leave home and they
start to pull away because their children are growing up. So in a way now
psychologically tfiat is what I am doing. Because of what I have done, I have
severed the bond quite a long time ago. But I feel that now maybe something
is coming together.
For Joan, like most of my other co-researchers, things did come together with time. They
appeared to move forward, finish their grieving, and identify new ways to nurture their
children.
My co-researchers’ route to acceptance followed many o f the steps in the grief
process.'^ This is understandable because when they began living apart fix>m their child(ren)
they lost their daily contact with their children and their role as their child(ren)’s direct care-

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Ibid.

115
provider. Gradually, my co-researchers came to accept the limitations o f mothering their
children from a distance. In doing, so they used their agency to let go o f some o f their self­
blame and their beliefs that mothers physically care for their children and instead looked for
ways they could maintain their relationship with their children while living apart from them.
Identifying a Space to Nurture Their Children
In maintaining their relationships with their children, it was necessary for my co­
researchers to construct new patterns o f relating with their children as well as new definitions
of who they were as mothers. Sometimes their resistance strategies included developing an
awareness, for example, that being able to visit distant communities two or three times a year
is possible for people who have transportation and access to at least some discretionary
income but unavailable for those who do not. For Joan, the need to visit her children
appeared to be the impetus she needed to become financial stable.

In response to my

question, “do you get to visit your children very often?” she stated;
Now I’m starting again, since my financial situation has improved I can visit
them a little bit more. But when they moved, then visiting time was usually
from one summer to the other. . . [I wasn’t able to keep in touch with them]
except over the phone, always remembering birthdays and all the stat
holidays. And you know as I said in the summer time, so it has been pretty
hard. And you know, the last couple o f years or so which I was not
financially able to go there, but I really needed and wanted to see them. But I
was just not able to afford it financially. Which was one o f the reasons I was
really determined to get back on my feet a bit more financially, and I have
achieved that. I last visited them the beginning o f November.
Most o f the mothers used creativity to develop their own pattern o f nurturing their children
and maintaining their relationship with them. Sandra, whose children were teenagers and
young adults said about her mothering, “like I have an influence on my kids. Most o f them
run and do things and their dad doesn’t do any o f these things. And his partner certainly
doesn’t. But we’ll run.” Maintaining their relationship with their children, letting them

116
know they were loved and cared for, and influencing their development were the focus o f my
co-researchers’ involvement with their children.
The two mothers who said that their children’s behaviour was the precipitating cause
o f their living away from them still attempted to maintain a relationship with their children.
Bemice, whose child currently resides at a youth correction centre, said she was searching for
a way to keep in touch when her child appeared not to want to make the effort. Here is part
o f our conversation:
(S)he is never totally abandoned. And I have sort o f made up my mind; it was
my sort o f commitment to the cause that I would not leave Prince George, as
long as (s)he was living here . . . I haven’t gone up, ’cause (s)he hasn’t
[called]. And I have been thinking about sending [my child] a card saying
‘dear so and so thinking o f you, I am praying about you.’ And 1 am thinking
that I should go the extra mile and do that. . . and I understand that. . . I know
you are going through a rough time. It is fine if you don’t phone. Phone
when you want.
Telephone calls and visits to the Youth Correction Centre are restricted and the child’s
behaviour may cause curtailment of those that are available. These constraints and the
child’s not choosing to invite a parent to visit may over-ride a parent’s desire to see their
child while they reside at the centre. Zaza, the other mother whose child’s behaviour was at
the heart o f their separation, commented:
Inside I love [my child] because (s)he’s mine: [my child] came from me. But
no[t] behaviour wise and as a person I don’t love [my child]. And now I just
feel a lot o f loss. And you feel very sorry for the child . . . I’m just sorry that
[my child] has made these choices. Because it’s, what’s going to happen to
[my child] as an adult?
Zaza currently is keeping in touch with her child only through phone conversations.
Although she is not actively attempting to be involved in her child’s life at the moment, she
expressed disappointment at the care her child was receiving and is concerned for her child’s
future.

117
Custody arrangements are for children. Young adults, on the other hand, have the
opportunity to choose with whom and where they live. It appears that one o f Sandra’s
resistance strategies was to maintain her relationship with her children while waiting for
them to become independent. When one of her children became a young adult (s)he choose
to come and live with her. In describing her child coming to stay with her, Sandra said, “[my
child] lived with us from September to December and [my child] is coming back, probably
next week. Just in the last year [my child lived with us]. Since (s)he graduated kind o f thing
[my child] came up here for work. So I mean, I love it. I really like having [my child] here.”
Anne took a similar route. She kept in touch with her child as (s)he grew up and when the
child was ready, they rebuilt their relationship. Now she appears to be acting as a mentor for
her child and says they have a relationship based on mutual friendship.
All o f the mothers I interviewed initially struggled to find a method to meet their
children’s needs for mothering and nurturing despite the fact that they lived apart from them.
To identify spaces where they could nurture their children, they redefined their understanding
o f who a mother is and found creative solutions to parent their children while living apart
from them. My co-researchers demonstrated vision and agency in finding these spaces while
being bombarded with messages from the media that good mothers care for their children
themselves and that those mothers who do not do so are bad.

My co-researchers’

commitment to nurturing their children reflects a tacit understanding o f who a mother is
when she is no longer responsible for the daily caregiving - she is a person who nurtures
children by helping them develop boundaries, self-esteem, and an understanding o f
themselves as independent valuable beings. All of my co-researchers appear to have used the

118

resistance strategy of redefining who they were as mothers and arrived at the same
conclusion independent of each other and without outside influence.

Challenging How Fathers are Judged
A final resistance strategy my co-researchers used to cope with their marginalisation
and subsequent oppression was to modify how they assessed their ex-spouses’ parenting
abilities. To do so, they challenged the accepted beliefs about what a father’s role is as
primary caregiver for his child(ren).
Sandra’s made a general comment about the difference between mothers and fathers
when a father has custody. She said, “It’s really warped because that doesn’t happen the
other way around. Men who have custody tend to be the new heroes in our society. They are
doing your job and they make sure you know you abandoned [your children].’’ Sandra
further volunteered that society, “just expects fathers to carry on, and not to grieve. They
have to just pretend its okay, not even care if they see [their children]. ” This expectation that
fathers should not grieve might be denying them an opportunity to get in touch with their
pain and perhaps develop empathy for other individuals, such as their own children or their
estranged partners.
Laura appeared to use a form o f comparative analysis to challenge the judge’s and
community’s views o f her ex-spouse’s parenting abilities and began to judge her ex-spouse’s
behaviour as a father on the same basis as she was judged when she was their primary care­
giver. She said, that the judge in their custody case stated that her ex-spouse was, “a perfect
father because he works and he’s hired a nanny, and he’s willing to take responsibility for his
children.’’ Laura said that though her ex-spouse is “considered a good parent even if a nanny
provides the physical care for the children’’ she doesn’t think so. Her stated objections to her

119
ex-spouse being considered a good father included - not making time for the children, not
taking them shopping with him, not accompanying them on their first day to kindergarten -all things that a mother would be expected to do. She also said he does not help the children
maintain their relationship with her by telephoning at the agreed times and makes negative
comments about her to the children. She stated that a mother who had custody would be
sanctioned if she exhibited these last two behaviours.
Sandra appears to challenge her belief that her ex-spouse is a perfect father by
remembering that when she and her ex-husband lived in the same community he would bring
her the acting out child to deal with when he had trouble with him/her. She also says he
blames her rather than taking responsibility for the situation if he is unhappy about something
because he is doing her job o f caring for the children.
Joan also challenged the belief that her ex-spouse was a good parent. When I met her
around Easter, she said she was upset with her ex-husband after telephoning to wish her
children a Happy Easter. She stated that her children had said, “Dad didn’t get us any
chocolate. He got some for himself but he isn’t sharing.’’ She said that she thought that if
she had done the same thing everyone would have said she was selfish. Joan’s recognition at
Easter that her ex-spouse was acting selfishly with the children seems to have initiated an
increased awareness about her children’s needs. She reports that she is now advocating more
effectively on their behalf to help them meet their needs.
Each of my co-researchers who have children living with their ex-spouse questioned
his ability to parent effectively. In doing so they were challenging the belief, as stated by
Laura, that “a father is a good as long as he doesn’t beat his kids and provides for them
financially”

Instead o f this belief their comments suggest that they thought fathers who

120
were primary guardians o f their children should be expected to provide the same standard of
care as mothers who were primary guardians of their children.
In this section, I identified three o f the areas where my co-researchers resisted
society’s belief that they were bad mothers.

My analysis suggests that their resistance

enabled them to recognise that their ex-spouses were also imperfect parents and that the
currently held definition of a mother is flawed. 1 also showed that four of my co-researchers
found another site of resistance when they identified a space to could continue nurturing their
children.
Critical Insights
As 1 stated at the beginning of this chapter, researchers have an opportunity through
creative analysis to suggest alternate interpretations o f events. These new interpretations
may help identify alternate sites of resistance for the groups one is studying and that
empower them to more effectively resist their impression. In this section I am going to use
my position as the principal investigator to examine mothers’ roles as primary caregivers,
mothers’ roles as non-custodial parents, fathers as primary caregivers, and mothers’ reduced
agency when they live apart from their children. I will also suggest an alternate way to
explain the experiences o f mothers who live apart from their children.

Mothers’ Roles As Primary Caregivers
My research suggests two reasons why the roles my six co-researchers were expected
to fulfill as mothers and adults created problems for them. First, none o f my co-researchers
met the expectations o f a ‘good mother’ such as always being able to meet their children’s
needs and never having any personal issues to prevent them from doing so. As 1 have shown

121
previously, their inability to fulfill their assigned roles resulted in internalised guilt, social
stigmatisation, and in some cases, the direct loss o f their children’s custody (e.g. Bemice,
Laura, and Sandra). This appears to have happened because current role expectations for
mothers deny that they have needs o f their own, blame them for inappropriate parenting if
their children have disorders or do not respond as the experts say they should, and provide no
alternative model of motheihood other than that o f a full-time mother with custody. These
expectations are impossible for most mothers to meet.
Second, my research suggests that, in several instances, the roles assigned to my co­
researchers as mothers and as adult members o f society were not compatible.

The

incongruency between the two roles is most apparent when one examines how mothers are
judged if they require child-care at ‘unusual times’ (e g. at night or on weekends), require
respite care for young children or a child with behaviour problems, require counselling or
another form o f support for their own needs, or are unable to both care for their children and
be financially independent. Laura is an example o f what happens when a mother is expected
to fulfill roles that are mutually exclusive. Before going back to school, she was deemed an
unfit mother because she had inadequate finances to care for her children. So she arranged
for her ex-spouse to temporarily care for their children while she undertook training for a
better job. When she had completed her training, her ex-spouse took her to court to gain full
custody. The judge deemed her a bad parent for going back to school while her ex-spouse
cared for their children. Subsequently, he awarded her ex-spouse full custody.
Bemice and Zaza are two more examples o f mothers who could not simultaneously
meet all their children’s needs and their own needs. In Chapter 3, I showed that these
mothers asked for help so that they could successfully parent children who were later

122
diagnosed with behavioural disorders. When none was forthcoming, they made the difficult
decision to have these particular children live elsewhere so that their behaviour did not harm
their siblings. My own story is different. By supporting me to parent my children, my
counsellor enabled me to meet the challenges their disorders caused. My family’s relative
success at maintaining our family unit with adequate support compared to my co-researchers’
inability to do so without this support suggests an area for further research to identify
methods that might support mothers to simultaneously meet their children’s needs and their
own needs.

Mothers’ Roles as Non-custodial Parent
My co-researchers concluded that nurturing is the essential feature women provide
for the next generation. In this section 1 will use crystallisation to look at the role o f mother
from a different perspective to see if 1 can find evidence to support their interpretation. To
do so, I will look at my co-researchers’ understanding o f what is a mother’s role, what role
they lost as mothers when they began living apart from their children, and what is a father’s
role. In my analysis I will identify the work o f raising their children that is assumed by
others when mothers live apart from their children and compare this to what jobs mothers
who live with their children are expected to fulfill. This should identify any functions
available that a mother that lives apart from her children might assume. I will then compare
these activities to those my co-researchers identified so that they could continue to nurture
their children.
To begin my analysis, I will look at what society understands a mother’s role to be.
A good mother as described by Jill Matthews and Marlee Kline, bears healthy children, keeps

123
them healthy and well behaved, and maintains her fitness and ability to mother at all times.
A quick review o f my co-researchers' experiences confirms that in North Central British
Columbia these expectations are also accepted as the norm. First, let us consider that the two
mothers whose children had behavioural problems had their concerns ignored by their
physicians when their children were toddlers. Both mothers recalled that they were judged
negatively for their inability to mother these children.

This negative judgement’s tacit

assumption is that somehow mothers are able to prevent abnormal development in their
children. Second, there is the assumption that mothers will be available to parent at all times.
Several of my co-researchers mentioned the impossibility o f meeting this requirement of
mothertiood. Three mothers said that having low self-esteem because of abuse, either as a
child or as an adult, and needing to deal with the effects o f the abuse was one o f the
preconditions that caused them to be temporarily unfit to care for her children. Leaving
children with a nanny or sitter while they went out to work was also viewed negatively by
some members o f society. Here are Laura’s comments about this situation;
for the woman you go out and get a job and you are only home Saturday
and Sunday with the kids and the occasional evening. (And you hear the
comments) ‘oh she’s a horrible mother. She can’t even take care o f her kids.
She doesn’t take care o f her kids. She is getting child support; I don’t
understand why she’s got to go to work.’
From Laura’s comments it is clear that some members o f our community believe that a
mother should care for her child(ren) at all times.
In summary then, adding all o f the pieces o f what a mother’s job is, the expectation is
that a mother: cares for her children twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, is always
available and pleasant, has infinite wisdom about how to negate the effects o f genetic

' Jill Matthews, Ibid.; Marlee Kline, Ibid., 311.

124
abnormalities and outside influences, loves and nurtures her child(ren) helping them to
discover who they are as individuals, and never has any personal issues that prevent her from
doing her job as a mother.
Before proceeding further in my analysis, there are two parts o f a mother’s role that I
will identify separately. These two parts are artefacts'^ o f the roles mothers are assigned by
our culture. Because some parenting tasks are socially constructed, identifying them will
allow me to develop a greater understanding o f how culture influences the assignment of
parenting roles specific to each gender. The first is the portion o f a mother’s tasks that a
father assumes when he provided primary care for his children. The second is those portions
of a mother’s role she looses when she is not responsible for the daily care o f her children.
Table 1 summarises my literature review on this subject and my co-researchers’ data.

In cell biology ‘artefacts’ are the changes in the specimen created by the slide preparation. I find it useful to
look at socialisation as an artefact because it is part of civilisation rather than part of nature and using this
perspective makes it easier to identify whether somethmg is part o f the natural or social worlds. Shulamit
Reinharz, “Feminist Content Analysis,” in Feminist Methods in Social Research (New York Oxford
University Press, 1992), 146, discusses cultural artefacts.

125
Table 1: Primary Caregiver Jobs
J o b s A ssig n e d t o a
M o t h e r AS P r im a r y
C a r e g iv e r

W hat
M o t h e r s DO
AS P r im a r y
C a r eg iv er s

W h a t F a th er s
DO AS P r im a r y
C a r eg iv er

JOBS
A l ter n a te
C a rePROVIDERDOES
WHEN A
F a t h e r IS
P r im a r y
C a r e g iv e r

F u n ctio n s
L eft FOR A
M other
WHO IS NOT
A P r im a r y
C a r e g iv e r

Cares for children 24 hours
each day (feeds, clothes,
watches child, school,
medical attention, special
events and crisis)

Attempts to

No

Not usually

No

Makes decisions on child's
behalf

Yes

Yes

Yes, with
permission

No

Always available and
pleasant

Would like to
be

No

No

No

Not mentioned

Not mentioned

Unable

Knows what is happening for Tries
the child
Never has any personal
issues to prevent above

No

No

No

No

Negates genetic and outside
influences

Tries

Not mentioned

Not mentioned

Tries

Loves and nurtures children
(talks with children)

Yes

Not mentioned

Not mentioned

Tries

Helps child discover who
(s)he is (helps child set
boundaries and develop
moral behaviour).

Yes

Not mentioned

Mothers said
they did not

Tries

126
When one examines what is left o f a mother’s role when she lives apart from her
child(ren) the last three rows are essentially the only part o f motherhood that is still available.
The ability to make decisions on her child’s behalf, be with her child during special events,
crisis, and on a daily basis, or care for her child’s daily needs, as indicated in the first four
rows, are all gone. For the most part, my co-researchers believed that their child’s new careproviders had not assumed the role o f helping their children discover themselves as
worthwhile human beings.

These mothers identified this as a place where they could

continue to influence their child through nurturing. In this respect my systematic analysis
agrees with my co-researchers’ findings.

Fathers as Primary Caregivers
My co-researchers’ comments about their ex-spouses’ behaviour with their children
and their insights about these behaviours left me wondering what was happening. Reading
between the lines o f Joan’s description o f her ex-spouse and the Easter candy and the other
comments about how their children’s fathers’ parent suggests that some o f these particular
fathers do not consider their child(ren)’s perspective when making decisions that impact on
their children. Their priority appears to be themselves; their children’s needs take second
place to their own. Growing up in this atmosphere, a child’s self-esteem may suffer and they
may learn that their desires are not important. Sandra, who did not identify her ex-spouse as
abusive, mentioned that her children “are guilt ridden. Even Christmas day, we went down
there, but they weren’t allowed to leave the house. They couldn’t see us if they wanted to.
And the kids wouldn’t push it either. They don’t want to rock the boat. They don’t want to
upset their dad. ” In most homes, teenagers feel safe enough to push the boundaries as they
struggle for independence; in fact, developmental psychology includes this as a normal part

127
o f development.'^ I wonder if living with fathers such as these teaches children that in
families hierarchical patriarchy is the family norm - that the most powerful individual’s
needs and desires are met regardless of the cost to others. Further, if this is what they learn,
what type o f relationships will they have in the future?

Mothers’ Reduced Agency
My co-researchers are women of courage, most o f whom sought and found a space
within which they continued to mother their children. It took agency and vision together
with courage for them to identify and create this nurturing space. They exercised this agency
within the constraints of a culture that gives mothers little autonomy to determine their role
as mothers and excludes them from any positions o f expertise. My data suggest that for
many o f the mothers it was impossible to fulfill their role as it was assigned. For example,
Bemice who has a BA in a discipline related to child development and would be considered
an expert if employed in her field, is not being heard or given authority to determine what her
child needs. The other mothers’ transcripts reveal that they too are excluded from position of
authority that would enable them to define what their child needs or how those needs should
be met.
Role assignment that modifies and over-determines the amount o f agency or power a
person is able to exercise can be discrimination.

As Gordon Allport states “over­

categorization is pediaps the commonest trick o f the human mind. Given a thimbleful of

Hemy Cloud & John Townsend. “How Boundaries are Developed," in Boundaries: When to Say Yes When to
Say No To Take Control o f Your Life (Grand Rapids; Zondervan Publishing House, 1992), 65, and Donald
Irwin & Janet Simons, “Psychosocial Development in Adolescence,” in Lifespan Developmental Psychology
(Madison: WCB Brown & Benchmark Publishers, 1994), 290.

128
facts we rush to make generalisations as large as a tub."^° Moreover, these generalisations
help us keep track o f the vast amounts o f material we need to consider in our interactions
with each other. They become prejudice and discrimination, however, when they prevent us
from treating other people as equally human as ourselves. Viewing members o f a particular
gender as inferior can marginalise or silence them, bell hooks states that in the black
community 'Xvhen this sexist silencing occurs, it usually happens with the tacit complicity o f
audiences who have over time learned to think always of race within blackness as a male
thing and to assume that the real political leaders emerging from such public debates will
always and only be male."^' My research suggests that in our communities the roles assigned
to women are tacitly accepted without examining how they affect us. Looking at individual
instances when women are unable to be “good enough mothers" hides the discriminatory
beliefs that guide our society’s expectations o f mothers.^ If we choose to look at the roles
mothers are assigned for a moment from a different perspective, we may develop a new
awareness of how they affect some women.
Sexism can result in discrimination, an acknowledged form o f oppression that at
times can become an abusive form of control. My co-researchers experienced discrimination
when their behaviours were judged differently than were the behaviours of their husbands,
other males, and ‘conforming’ mothers. For example some o f my respondents said they were
judged bad mothers when their relationships failed but their husbands were not judged as bad
fathers. Two mothers said they were labelled ‘not good enough’ when they worked and left
their children with sitters, whereas the father who has a nanny to raise the children is deemed

Gordon W. Allport, “What is the Problem?” in The Mature o f Prejudice, 25* ed. (Reading; Addison-Wesley
Publishing Company, 1993), 8.
bell hooks, “Introduction: Race Talk,” in Killing Rage: Ending Racism (New York: Henry Holt and
Company, 1995), 2.

129
a good parent. Some of the mothers risk negative judgement if they openly acknowledge that
they gave in to a spouse’s pressure to permit their children to live with him. Instead they say
they choose to leave their child(ren) behind. In the same situation, a father would likely
receive empathy for the ‘nagging’ he endured. The role expectations for parents ^ p e a r to be
gender-specific and do not make allowances for situation specific events (i.e. abusive
partners or lack o f money).

For example, fathers are not labelled bad if they have

extramarital affairs, do not maintain the relationship with, their child’s mother, do not meet
their spouse’s sexual needs, or take time away fi*om their children to deal with their own
issues or go to work.

In most cases, women are labelled bad if they engage in these

behaviours and also when their husband does, because they have not met Us needs. These
forms of discrimination are based on gender-specific behavioural expectations that reduce a
mother’s ability to make the best choice for her children and herself.
One more area o f sexism is the incompatibility o f the roles women are assigned as
adult members of society and as mothers. Since 1 already discussed this earlier on page 121,
1 will just add to that discussion. Women in our culture are socialised to be passive and
submit to their husbands and those in authority,^ as adults we are also expected to exercise
agency and choice in our decisions. For some o f the women in my study, these requirements
were in binary opposition. Most o f the mothers in my study stated that it was their choice to
live separately from her children. Before the separation, however, each o f them was their
child(ren)’s primary care provider and, as 1 will document, most did not actually make the
decision to live apart from their children free o f constraint. In attempting to cope with two
incongruent requirements, some of my co-researchers appeared to use the strategy o f

“ Ibid, 108.
“ Jill Matthews, ‘‘Management of the Gender Order’' 99-100; “Work” 148-172, Ibid.

130
doublethink/doublespeak and deny their actual experiences so they could conform to their
internalised expectations o f themselves as adults. For example Laura stated that she arranged
for her ex-spouse to care for their children while she went to school and at another point in
time recounted a telephone conversation that would suggest a different interpretation o f the
event.

The need for doublethink/doublespeak, as I mentioned previously, suggests the

presence o f some form o f abuse or excessive control. Laura mentioned that her ex-spouse
was still abusive in his attempts to control her.
Throughout Chapters 3 and 4 , 1 have mentioned instances where my participants were
unable to make autonomous decisions based on their own needs and those o f their children.
Literature related to women’s abuse issues generally acknowledges that abuse results in a
reduction o f self-esteem, self-worth, ability to make autonomous decisions, and identification
with the other person’s needs at the expense o f their own.^^ The effects o f abuse may make a
mother temporarily unable to advocate on her own behalf or parent to the best of her ability.
These effects are usually not considered during custody hearings. Instead, a mother’s ability
to function is judged as static rather than dynamic with respect to her social environment.
Further, her behaviour as a response to her abuse is often judged as sufficient justification for
the abuse.^ This denial o f the effects o f abuse further erodes a mother’s agency and is
gender specific.
The pre-conditions that led to most o f my co-researchers living apart ftom their
children at first appear different - for example, arranging for MC&F to care for a child

Judith Lewis Henman, Ibid., is one author who examines the effects o f abuse through the exercise of power
and control.
" See Phyllis Chester, "The Price of Battle: Mothers Encounter the Psychological Law. in Mothers On Trail:
The Battlefo r Children and Custody (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1986), 215-220; Judith Lewis
Herman, “A New Diagnosis” Ibid., 116-122, for a discussion o f the effect o f abuse.

131
versus direct intimidation by one’s ex-partner.

However, an examination o f the various

events that led to the separation 6om their children reveals a common theme: my participants
were experiencing various forms of emotional and mmtal control. Their interpretations of
what happened were restricted, however, to the immediate event rather than the overall
relationship. This thinking pattern is called “narrowing o f range” and happens to victims of
chronic abuse and trauma.^^ In telling their stories about how they came to live apart from
their child(ren), my co-researchers appeared at times to. use denial and interpreted events
firom the other person’s perspective. This pattern is similar to that used by trauma victims
and is called traumatic bonding.^^ The stories I have presented reveal many examples o f
narrowing of range, denial, and interpretations o f events so they fit another person’s
perspective. Each of these is an indication that abuse is likely occurring.
Each of my co-researchers’ separation from her children appeared to be related to
excessive power and control; however, some relationship break-ups and children living apart
from their mothers are not influenced by abuse. This points to a dilemma in deciding
custody issues. If an ex-partner is used to exercising power and control over their spouse, is
he likely to exercise the same form of abusive control over a child in his care? Further, if
abuse is involved and the child is asked to choose which parent they wish to live with, they
may chose to live with the stronger parent, because they do not believe the parent who is
being abused is capable o f caring for them.^^ There is a real need when making decision

“ Judith Lewis Herman, “Captivity,” Ibid, 90.
Ibid, “Child Abuse,” 92 for a discussion of the effects of bonding with one’s abuser such as the disruption to
one’s identity, accepting the other person’s interpretations of events, and denial.
“ Ibid., 100.

132
about custody issues to consider all aspects o f the situation, including what the relationship
was like between the parents and whether abuse was involved.
My research supports two things that give credence to an alternate viewpoint as being
accurate. First, my research suggests that the roles mothers are assigned restrict their agency
at times to the point where they can no longer meet their own needs. Second, my research
suggests that at times mothers without their children are using doublespeak/double think,
denial, and other coping strategies that are typically used, by victims o f abuse in situations
that are not related to partner abuse. My interpretation o f what is happening for these
mothers suggests that the control being exercised by society has become excessive and that it
is similar to the psychological control exercised by abusers.^^
In Chapter 5, “Summary & Discussions" I will briefly review my findings and discuss
how they fit into our culture’s understanding o f motherhood and agency. In addition I will
list all of the topics for further research to which that my thesis drew attention.

» Ibid., “Captivity,” 76-95.

CHAPTER FIVE
DISCUSSION OF MY FINDINGS AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS
I began my thesis with a personal reflection concerning our society’s lack o f
resources for one potentially loving mother to be an active participant in her child’s life.
Although that mother was mentally challenged, the six mothers I interviewed were not.
However, like her, they experienced problems as they attempted to remain part o f their
children’s lives while living apart from them.

Further, they had little power to make

autonomous decisions about their relationships with their children.
The pre-conditions that resulted in their living apart from their children in most
cases revealed a history of power and control by others, rather than free choice on their part.
Two of the three mothers whose children’s behaviour was the pre-condition for the
separation made the choice to have this child live apart from them to ensure the safety of
their other children. One other mother whose children chose to live apart her from said that
she was having difflculties parenting. It appears that finances might have been a contributing
factor in all three o f these instances. Two mothers experienced emotional and financial
control by their partners. One also suffered sexual abuse. The four mothers whose ex­
spouses cared for their children continued to experience problems with them exhibiting
excessive power and control. All of the mothers reported that they were often the recipients
of negative verbal judgements firom a variety of people.
In this, my final chapter, I bring together the themes I found and discuss their
meaning in relation to some o f the current literature about mothertiood. Second, I reflect on
the implications for social and public policy o f my research and its the limitations. Third, I

134
review the areas for further research that I became aware o f during the course o f my research.
Finally, I present my conclusions.
Throughout my thesis, 1 have examined my research question, how do mothers
who live apart from their children experience motherhood, from various points o f view.
Using Grounded Methodology and Feminist Standpoint Theory 1 have asked such questions
as how did it come about that these mothers live separately from their children, how do they
feel about themselves as mothers, what are their experiences as mothers who do not meet our
accepted cultural norms, how do they explain living separate from their children to
themselves and others, and if or how do these mothers continue to parent their children?
From the beginning o f my thesis I have acknowledged my place as a researcher in the
process, and will continue to do so as 1 bring my thesis to a close.
General Themes
Each o f the different questions I asked contributed to my overall understanding
of how the six women that 1 interviewed experience mothedtood. The one overall theme that
developed was that these particular mothers were experiencing marginalisation and
oppression. As 1 discussed in my literature review, one’s perspective is affected by one’s
current viewpoint.

In my research, when I re-examined my data by asking a different

question, I found different themes. Each o f these perspectives contributes to a more holistic
understanding o f the lives o f mothers who live apart from their children than does a single
perspective. Looking at my co-researchers’ lives from alternate perspectives revealed many
areas in which they experienced oppression in relation to their interactions with others (e g.
careproviders, general population), intimates (e.g. family of origin members, spouses, and
children), and themselves, their responses, and the agency they were able to exercise.

135
Interactions
The interactions my co-researchers experienced with intimates, others and
themselves could be roughly divided into two categories, supportive or judgmental. Each of
these social responses related to the beliefs and expectations o f the individual making them.
My research shows many instances of negative social interactions, to which my co­
researchers at times reacted angrily. It also shows that not all people view mothers who live
apart from their children negatively, and that in fact some caregivers, intimates, and friends
provided positive support for my co-researchers. Further, my research shows that when
mothers who live apart from their children are able to accept themselves, they use the energy
from their anger to challenge and change their own and other people’s negative opinions and
reactions.
Responses to Oppression
Gender subordination in our patriarchal society is one o f several manifestations
o f oppression. Women with post-secondary education who earn poverty-level wages and
mothers who are expected to subordinate their needs to those o f their children are among the
oppressed. By contrast men, who are dominant in our western society, are likely to earn
higher wages, and fathers are rarely expected to subordinate their own needs to those o f their
children. Abuse, a form o f violence, is another widespread manifestation o f unequal power
relations in patriarchal societies. Because men control social institutions as well as women’s
bodies, they maintain their power by acts o f violence which, in turn, support the continued
existence of patriarchy.'

' See “Violence” Maggie Humm, The Dictionary o f Feminist Theory (Columbus: Ohio State University Press,
1989), 292.

136
Maintaining power by abuse was apparent in some o f my co-researchers’
relationships during their childhood, adulthood, with their children’s fathers, with the
Ministry o f Children and Families, and with the general community. This was because our
society’s patriarchial structure gives mothers and children less status and power than it does
to other members of society. Low power permits others to dictate what options and resources
are available. Examples are Laura’s experiencing marital rape and verbal "put-downs” and
Bernice’s inability to access appropriate help with her child.

In the later instance the

Ministry of Children and Families and the Youth Correction Service eventually became
responsible for the child’s care, at a cost that was likely higher than if they had supported
Bemice by financing the help she had located. While withholding funding for ‘optional’
health care costs may not seem abusive, the results for a mother trying to cope alone because
she is denied access to available needed resources can result in an intolerable living situation.
This could be deemed ‘abuse by the system.’ It might also be considered abusive when
public institutions deny access to needed resources if we maintained a more holistic view of
our community.^
Marginalisation

is

characterised

by

oppression

that

usually

includes

discrimination. My research indicates that my co-researchers experienced both oppression
and discrimination because of marginalisation. For example, Bemice was silenced, even
though she has a degree related to child management, and her voice was not considered when
it came to making decision regarding her child. Discrimination also occurred in the judicial

^ In the past slavery was also not considered an abuse of human rights. History has proven otherwise and today
to keep anyone as slaves is considered abusive and a violation of human rights. Restricting access to resources
to help parents meet their children needs, as parents of disabled children argue, keeps (heir children in bondage
to their disability and effectively makes them slaves to i t See “Special needs, special costs . . . The Prince
George Citizen Thursday, June 17,1999.

137
systems when custody was awarded to ex-spouses and my co-researchers were considered
‘bad mothers’ without taking a holistic view of the circumstances.
Most of my co-researchers seemed at times to exhibit narrowing o f range and
double speak, two effects of abuse and chronic oppression. These responses appeared to
prevent some of them from seeing what was actual happening so that they could resist their
oppression.

For example, prior to their separation from their children all o f my co­

researchers provided full-time care for their children, yet, when describing their separation
from their children they often said that it had been their decision.

They seemingly

disregarded that previously they had chosen to care for their children and that the decision to
live apart from their children was not freely made.
Agency
Agency is the final theme that emerged in relation to my co-researchers’
marginalisation. It varied across situations and thus was a useful tool for determining what
effect socialisation exerts in a particular situation. My research indicated that our social
system provided little opportunity for my co-researchers to exercise free choice in many
cases. For example, none of them had the power to determine what their child needed or
how to meet those needs, nor did they have any real power to influence the custody
arrangements o f their children. The latter were often decided and enforced by the courts.
Ministry o f Children and Families or controlling ex-partners.
The themes I identified in my research demonstrate the importance o f looking at
things from more than one point of view and not simply believing what one is told. If I had
unquestioningly believed what I was told, I would have written a story about six mothers
who had made the decision to live apart from their children and were relieved that they no

138
longer had primary care for their children. Digging deeper, however, revealed that these
mothers suffered from guilt, as well as the pain from living apart from their children. It also
showed the societal factors which affected their decisions to live apart from their children
such as sexist custodial court decisions, inadequate financial resources, counselling, and
respite care. Further it revealed many symptoms o f marginalisation that they experienced
such as invisibility, isolation, internalised guilt, negative social judgement, silencing, and
reduced agency.
Implication for Government Policy Changes
My research points to five areas that concern me about government policy and
our social structure and suggests that reform might be appropriate in these areas.

My

participants also volunteered areas where they wanted to see social transformation. In many
instances, I was able to confirm my research findings’ validity by referring to other research
and academic literature. First, my research findings are consistent with Phyllis Chesler’s
research suggesting that mothers are treated unfairly in the justice system.^

Thus, it

complements her work by demonstrating that mothers who live apart from their children are
marginalised and points to the need for policy change in the Canadian judicial system as well
as the American one.
Second, my research indicates that social reform is needed to ensure that women
are able to fill the roles they are assigned as adults and mothers with sufficient personal
energy remaining so that they do not become disheartened. This is consistent with the

^ Phyllis Chesler, “The Price o f Battle; Mothers Encounter the Psychological Law,” Mothers On Trial: The
Battle fo r Children and Custody (New Yoric McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1986), 2IS.

139
findings o f others feminists such as Jill Matthews, Marlee Kline, and Katherine A m up/
Each of the six mothers that I interviewed was, at times, unable to meet both her own needs
and her children’s needs. When this occurred, the mothers made choices constrained by the
situation and that may not have been in both their children’s and their own best interests.
Examples are Bernice’s and Zaza’s decisions to have the Ministry o f Children and Families
care for their children when they could no longer tolerate the inappropriate behaviour that
was a danger to their other children. After Bernice’s child went into foster care, the child
became more involved in “criminal” activities and eventually entered the Youth Correction
Centre. With additional resources, Bemice might have been able to meet her child’s needs
and the child may have experienced a more positive outcome, one that her mother could feel
good about instead o f angry and hurt. Her experience and those o f the other mothers 1
reviewed, including my own, indicate that children’s needs might be better served by
supporting mothers in their endeavours to meet their children’s needs. To facilitate this it
might be appropriate to direct additional finances to the social support networks whose
mandate it is to assist parents and children. In addition, I would like to see policy changes so
that government care providers (social workers) can support parents because they need help
without judging their parenting style. Several women who participated in my study were
unwilling to accept assistance because it meant they had to accept a label o f ‘inadequate
mother.’
A third area in which social reform may be required pertains to returning to
mothers the right to make decisions on their children’s behalf. My research indicates that

* Phyllis Chesler, Mothers On Trial Ibid., Marlee Kline, “Complicating the ideology o f Motherhood: Child
Welfare Law and First Nation Women” Queens Law Journal, 2 (1993); Katherine Amup, Education fo r
Motherhood: Advicefo r Mothers in Twentieth-Century Canada (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1994).

140
many o f the mothers were not heard nor did they have the right to make decisions on their
children’s behalf. My literature review showed that many o f the “experts” views o f how
children should be raised have been disproven. The following quotation 6om Paula Nicolson
supports my findings:
The role o f ‘mother’ has not evolved in a ‘natural’ way, outside culture and free
from ideology. It has been socially constructed within patriarchy through a
complex set of power relations which ensure that women become mothers, and
practice mothertiood, in narrowly-defined ways. This is achieved in part through
the mechanism of ‘science’, which attends to and bolsters existing power
relations. Contemporary motherhood is the product o f (at least) nineteenth- and
twentieth-century medical/biological and psychological/social [western] science.
Social prescriptions for contemporary motherhood are constantly offered,
reinforce and embellished by ‘experts’ with recourse to ‘science,’ and their
venions o f what constitutes good mothering practice is the socially received
‘wisdom’. Certain kinds of claims to knowlWge are given priority over others,
and it is those which serve the needs o f the socially powerful (that is, in this case,
men) (Foucault, 1973; and Philip, 1985), that pass into popular discourse and
come to represent our everyday understanding o f what we all take for granted as
‘truth’ or ‘facts’ (see Antaki, 1988).^
My analysis of mother’s roles suggest that they are narrowly defined and do not permit
mothers with or without their children to define how they parent their children. Perhaps it is
time for research into this area and social reform including policy changes that returns more
authority to mothers.
A fourth area in which reform may be necessary is the judicial system. Policy
about child custody declares that.

Best interests of child are paramount
(I) When making, varying or rescinding an order under this Part, a court must
give paramount consideration to the best interest o f the child and, in assessing
those interests, must consider the following factors and give emphasis to each
factor according to the child’s needs and circumstances:
(a) the health and emotional well being o f the child including any special needs
for care and treatment;
^ Paula Nicolson, “Motherhood and Women’s lives,” in Diane Richardson & Victoria Robinson, eds. Thinking
Feminist: Key Concepts in Women's Studies (New York: The Guildford Press, 1993), 204.

141
(b) if appropriate, the views o f the child;
(c) the love, affection and similar ties that exist between the child and other
persons;
(d) education and training for the child;
(e) the capacity o f each person to whom guardianship, custody or access rights
and duties may be granted to exercise those rights and duties adequately/
Some of my co-researchers’ had abusive ex-spouses who were awarded custody o f their
children. A review o f their comments about their spouse’s parenting does not reveal any
instances of abuse to a degree that would warrant removal o f their children firom his home by
the Ministry of Children and Families. One o f my co-researchers suggested that research
should be conducted to see if children who live with abusive ex-spouses exhibit signs of
abuse and how to determine what custody arrangements are in the child’s best interest.
Perhaps until this research is done the judicial system should be cautioned against awarding
custody to a spouse that exhibited abusive behaviour towards his or her partner during the
relationship. This type o f policy may create a more just system that does not seemingly
reward the abusive partner.
The fifth area in which my research suggests reform may be appropriate is in the
area o f family mediation. Although research indicates that mediation does not work where
there is a power imbalance, there appears to be no method o f eliminating power imbalances
between ex-spouses in some instances.^ When mediation proceeds in this situation the low
power individual may be unable to advocate on their own behalf and their inability to do so
may be viewed negatively. In these cases when a spouse is awarded custody o f the children
his/her abuse is being rewarded. Joan’s story suggests that some men, whether consciously
or unconsciously, may be using this fact to gain custody of their children. Consequently,

^ BC Statute, Family Relations Act (1996) RS Chap. 128, Section 24,11.
^ Joyce L. Mocker & William W. Wilmot, Interpersonal Conflict, 4* cd. (Madison: WCB Brown & Benchmark
Publishers, 1995), 223.

142
policy should provide an alternate method o f helping ex-partners negotiate custody and
separation arrangements than mediation when the former relationship included power
imbalances.
My co-researchers identified a need for social transformation in nine areas in
addition to the five areas for governmental policy reform I found. First, all o f them desired a
reduction in their oppression, especially a reduction o f the negative social judgements.
Second, each o f them wanted to negotiate a space to continue making decision on her child’s
behalf.

Third, they identified a need to support young women with personal problems,

mothers who were inadequately patented, mothers whose children have disabilities
associated with behavioural problems, and all mothers so that they can meet their own needs
and those o f their children. Fourth, they saw a need for judicial policy that treated parents
fairly and take a holistic approach when making decisions about children’s custody. Fifth,
they saw a need for positive and true-to-life media representations o f mothers who live apart
fi’o m their children.

Sixth, they saw a need for affordable and identifiable support for

mothers (and fathers) that live apart from their children. Seventh, they felt that professional
care-providers should have an awareness o f their experiences. Eighth, they saw a need for
our society to expect fathers and mothers to meet the same standards. Finally, one mother
mentioned the need to encourage every mother, regardless o f ability, to be a part o f her
children’s life.
Limitations
From a feminist perspective, my research is valid.

It suggests an alternate

interpretation o f events that rang true for my co-researchers when I shared it with them,
worked when I checked it through comparative analysis, and fit with the available literature.

143
The processes I used o f discussing my analysis with some o f my co-researchers and making
my critical analysis visible also adds to its integrity.
My research, like other feminist case study research, is not intended to develop
broad general theories and does not do so. Instead, it is responsive to a few mothers in
specific situations, uncovers some o f the problems in their lives, and makes suggestion for
some policy changes to improve their situations. My research did not include any women
from many of the categories that one might expect to live apart from their children, such as
women who freely chose to live apart from their children, and mothers with disabilities
which restrict their ability to parent. Nor did it include the story o f the one mother who
chose to withdraw. My research also did not include fathers, children, or the mothers’ careproviders. It is thus based solely on the perspective o f six mothers as interpreted by me, the
primary researcher.
Further Research
My research was fruitful in identifying areas for further research.

My co-

researchers volunteered four areas in which they would like to see further research and my
discussions with them and personal reflections identified four other areas. My co-researchers
wanted to know what are the effects o f the following; 1) children growing up apart from their
mothers, 2) children growing up with a father who abused their mother and continues to be
controlling towards her and perhaps them, 3) whether or not adults that grow up apart from
their mothers recognise and use more child-care strategies than do other adults, and 4) one
mother, who had recovered from addictions, wanted to know if other women had also gained
control over their addictions after healing from emotional pain.^

* Margaret E. Goldberg, et al., “Impact of Maternal Alcoholism on Separation of Children from their Mothers:
Findings from a Sample o f Incarcenited Womea," American Journal o f Orthopsychiatry, 66, no.2 (April 1996),

144
My personal reflections and analysis identified the following areas for further
research.

First, what really is in ‘the best interest o f the child?’ and how it might be

determined. Is there a space in which fathers’, mothers’, and children’s needs can be met
after marital dissolution even if an ex-spouse is abusive? Second, what would be the effects
o f reallocating resources so those mothers o f children with behavioural problems could
continue to parent them? What resources would they need to be able to do so? Third, what
are the interactions for a mother who lives apart from her children with other factors that also
push her to the margins such as being disabled or on welfare? Finally, do mothers that have
more agency in their decision to live apart ftom their child have different experiences and
interpretations of those experiences than did the mothers 1 interviewed?
Conclusion
My thesis grew out o f my desire to reduce the oppression o f a particular group o f
women - mothers who live apart from their children. In my research, I used case studies
together with Feminist Grounded Theory and Feminist Standpoint Theory to investigate the
experiences o f six mothers.
My thesis adds to the existing literature by exploring custody issues for women
in North Central British Columbia. This is an area previously not included in research about
mothers without custody. My research suggests how our social structure oppresses mothers
without their children, and explores the feelings of mothers about both the separation from
their children and the stigmatisation they receive. It also documents that mothers without
their children are marginalised members o f our society, which has not been noted in the
existing literature on mothers.

236, show a relationship between alcohol consumption and living apart from one’s children. It also shows that
stress can precipitate excessive alcohol consumption. Addictions are not my area o f expertise and the research

145
In Chapter 1, I reviewed motherhood from a cross-cultural and historical
perspective.

In Chapter 2, 1 reviewed feminist theory, presented my methodology, and

examined how they related to my research question, ‘what are the experience o f mothers who
live apart from their children?’ In Chapters 3 and 4, 1 analysed my data from two focal
lengths. Chapter 3 tells my co-researchers’ stories and Chapter 4 provides the insights into
their experiences that 1 gleaned through reflection on my interactions with their stories and
the masses o f literature 1 have been fortunate enough to read. In this final chapter 1 have
synthesised and discussed the themes from both analysis chapters, discussed the implications
o f my research for social and public policy reform, and identified areas for further research
that became apparent either from my co-researchers’ suggestion or through personal
reflection.
My research demonstrates the effects of marginalisation on a particular group of
mothers who live apart from their children, namely a group o f women from the dominant
culture and three o f its social classes. The mothers who participated in my research seem to
have experienced little agency or choice in their decisions to live apart from their children.
My research thus is limited to this particular multiple case study.

My findings about

stigmatisation and social judgement are similar to those o f other feminist authors. They
demonstrate how marginalisation disempowers individuals and prevents their voices from
being heard.
My research suggests a few areas in which some mothers who live apart from
their children experience discrimination. It also points to the likelihood o f some o f their
experiences o f subordination being shared by the majority o f mothers, such as the

this mother suggests may already be available.

146
discounting o f their knowledge about their children and the expectation that they provide
continuous care for their children.
There are two ways in which my research has the potential to benefit women.
First, by increasing our knowledge about a particular group of marginalised women and
including their experiences in our understanding o f motherhood. Second, by enlarging our
awareness o f the degree to which ‘experts’ have displaced mothers as the best people to
determine what is best for our children. It is in this latter area where using further research
and activism, feminists have the greatest opportunity to change society. In the 1970s, our
work garnered for some of us the opportunity to determine our birthing experiences.
Although some of the changes we made have been eroded, many others have been
consolidated and become the norm. Our work in that period left me with the knowledge that
it is possible to transform the systems created by ‘experts’ so that they meet our needs. In
particular, it convinced me that in any system run by ‘experts,’ at least some experts will be
dissatisfied with the status quo and be willing to co-operate to change the system. I hope that
my research on mothers without their children will prompt such experts to help women
without their children so that social transformation occurs.

147

Appendix A: Consent
THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN BRITISH COLUMBIA
3333 University Way
Prince George, B. C. V2N4Z9
Consent Form to Participate in Research
This is to state that I agree to participate in some interviews with Julie Thacker for her
research on “Mothers Who Live Apart From Their Children.”
1. I understand that the purpose of this research is to examine mothers' perspectives
about living apart from their children and that 1 have seen the information sheet for
participants.
2. I understand that 1 will be asked to participate in two interviews o f approximately one
hour each. Later interviews or contacts will be briefer. All interviews will be
arranged to take place at a mutually convenient time and location.
3. I understand that 1 am free to withdraw consent to use my information or continue to
participate in the interview process at any time.
4. I agree that Julie Thacker may use data from this study in her thesis, presentations,
and publications.
5. I understand this research project involves discussing information that I may find
upsetting. I also acknowledge that Julie Thacker has provided me with several
sources to assist me if 1 need any support after an interview.
6. I understand that my participation in the study will not be revealed (unless I choose to
self-disclose it) and that any information I provide will be kept confidential.
However, I also acknowledge that Julie Thacker is required, by law, to report to the
appropriate authorities any information involving past or current child abuse.
7. I understand that a pseudonym will be used to keep track o f my information and that
all identifying information will be removed before Julie Thacker uses my data in her
research.
I HAVE CAREFULLY STUDIED AND UNDERSTAND THIS AGREEMENT, AND
THEREFORE I FREELY CONSENT AND AGREE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE RESEARCH.
N A M E:___________________________ SIGNATURE:_______________________
(Please print)
RESEARCHER:__________________

DATE:___________________________

148

Appendix B —Information sheet

Mothers Who Live Separate from Their Children
Goal: To determine what the experiences and feelings are of mothers who live separate from
their children.
Who: Mothers who do not have custody of their child(ren) less than 17 years old.
What: Interviews will cover these three areas:
1. How it came about that you live apart from your child(ren).
2. Your experiences and feelings about living apart from your child(ren).
3. Your experiences and feelings about any support or disapproval received from society about
living apart from your child(ren).
Where & When: Interview times and locations will be at a mutually convenient time and location
for the participant and researcher.
How long: Two interviews of approximately one hour in length. Later briefer in person or
telephone contacts will likely be necessary. Overall time commitment is expected to be about
three hours.
Why: I am using the information gathered in this research to help me write my thesis for Masters
degree in Gender Studies.
If you have any questions about the study or would like to take part, please do not hesitate to call
me.
Contact: Julie Thacker, B.Sc., MA. Candidate, Gender Studies, at 563-1467.

You may also contact my thesis supervisor. Dr. Marianne Ainley, at 960-6681, if you have
concerns about this study.

149

Appendix D

CARE-PROVIDERS
I understand that your experiences about living apart horn your child(ren) may be a
sensitive areas for you to discuss. I will respect this during the interviews. The following careproviders have agreed to help if the interviews upset you and you require assistance.
Lynn Oldale, M Div. Pastoral Counselling. Grace Anglican Church 562-5611 - There is an
answering machine when the church office is closed. Lynn has agreed to provide face to face
counselling as well as some telephone counselling for about a week after each interview if you
need it.
Elizabeth Fry Society - Please call for concerns that are likely related to either past or present
abuse issues. Call the office at 563-1113 to make appointments for face to face counselling or
call the shelter 562-5868 for telephone crisis counselling between 8 a.m. and 11 p.m. E. Fry's
mandate is to provide assistance for women associated with past or present abuse. They are a
good resource if you need assistance in these areas regardless of what or who the sources of the
abuse were or are.
Prince George Crisis Line - 563-1214. The crisis line provides para-professional telephone
counselling twenty-four hours a day on all issues for people in emotional crisis. They will assist
you in identifying further support if you feel the need.

150

Appendix E
INTERVIEW PROCESS
First Interview (Questions)
•

About you
Where were you bom?
How old are you?
What grade did you complete in school?
How long ago was that?
What is your cultural background?
Where did you grow up?
What type of relationship did you have with your mother?

• Mothering
What does it mean to be a family?
What does it mean to be a mother?
•

About your child(ren)
How old are they?
Where are they now?
Do you get to visit with or see your children?

• About the separation:
How long ago did your child(ren) first begin living in a different home firom you?
Could you please tell me what events led up to your child living separate from you?
• Could you please tell me about your experiences about living apart firom your children.
• Could you please tell me about your feelings about living apart fix>myour children.
• Could you please tell me about any experiences of support received fix>msociety about living
apart from your child(ren). How do you feel about these experiences?
•

Could you please tell me about any experiences of disapproval received fiom society about
living apart firom your child(ren). How do you feel about these experiences?

Second and following interviews:
During the second and following interviews I will finish gathering data on the above
areas, clarify areas I am uncertain about, and follow up on any themes that appear to be
developing in each person's data.

151

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Abbey, Sharon and Andrea O’Reilly. Redefining Motherhood: Changing Identities and
Patterns. Toronto: Second Story Press, 1998.
Abir-am, Pnina G. and Dorinda Outram, eds. Uneasy Careers and Intimate Lives: Women in
Science, 1789-1979. New Brunswick: Rutgers, 1989.
Alcock, Jim E., D. W. (Bill) Garment, and Stan W. Sadava. A Textbook o f Social
Psychology, 3"*ed. Scarborough: Prentice Hall Canada Inc., 1994.
Allen, Ann Taylor. Feminism and Motherhood in Germany 1800-1914. New Brunswick:
Rutgers University Press, 1991.
Allen, Prudence. “Hildegard of Bingen’s Philosophy o f Sex Identity.” Thought LXTV, no.
254 ( September 1989): 231 -241.
Allport, Gordon W. In The Nature o f Prejudice, 25’’’ ed. Reading: Addison-Wesley
Publishing Company, 1993.
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual o f Mental Disorders
DSM IV. Washington: American Psychiatric Press Inc., 1994.
Armstrong, Pat, & Hugh Armstrong. Theorizing Women’s Work. Toronto: Garmond Press,
1990.
Amaud-Duc, Nicole, “The Law’s Contradictions.” In A History o f Women in the West, ed.
Geneviève Fraisse and Michelle Perrot, 80-113. Cambridge: The Belknap Press of
Harvard University Press, 1993.
Amup, Katherine. Education fo r Motherhood: Advice fo r Mothers in Twentieth-Century
Canada. Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1994.
________ , ed. Lesbian Parenting: living with pride and prejudice. Charlottetown: Gynergy
books, 1995.
Ashworth, Georgina, ed. A Diplomacy o f the Oppressed: New Directions in International
Feminism. London: Zed Books Ltd., 1995.
Atkinson, Clarissa W. ITie Oldest Vocation: Christian Motherhood in the Middle Ages.
Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 1991.
Baker, Maureen, ed. Families: Changing Trends in Canada, 3"*ed. Toronto: McGraw-Hill
Ryerson Limited, 1996.
Baker, Patricia. “Hearing and Writing Women’s Voices.” RFR/DRF Resources fo r Feminist
Research/Documentation Sur La Recherece Feminist 26, no. 1/2 (Spring 1998): 3153.
Barkley, Russell A. Workshop on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and
Adults: Diagnosis, Assessment and Treatment - North region and CUPPL, Prince
George, April 26 and 27,1995.
Bassin, Donna, Margaret Honey and Meryle Mahrer Kaplan, eds. Representations o f
Motherhood. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1994.

152

Bassuk, Ellen L. “Who Are the Homeless Families? Characteristics of Sheltered Mothers
and Children.” Community Mental Health Journal 26, no. 5 (October 1990): 425434.
Bell, Diane and Renate Klein, Radically speaking: Feminism Reclaimed. North Melbourne:
Spinifex Press, 1996.
Benhabib, Seyla, Judith Butler, Drucilla Cornell, and Nancy Fraser. Feminist Contentions: A
Philosophical Exchange. New York: Routledge, 1%5.
Birke, Lynda and Ruth Hubbard, eds. Reinventing Biology: Respect fo r Life and The
Creation o f Knowledge. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1995.
Bishop, Anne. Becoming an Ally: Breaking the Cycle o f Oppression. Halifax: Femwood
Publishing, 1994.
Boyd, Susan B. “Child Custody, Ideologies, and Employment.” Canadian Journal o f
Woman and Law 3, no. I (1989): 111-133.
British Columbia, BC Statute, Family Relations Act, (1996) RS Chap. 128, Section 24, 11.
British Columbia, Ministry o f Human Resources, BC Benefits Manual, April, 1998,7.10.1.
Brody, Miriam. “Mary Wollstonecraft: Sexuality and Women’s Rights (1759-1797).” In
Feminist Theorists: Three Centuries o f Key Women Thinkers, ed.. Dale Spender, 4059.
Bum, Shawn Meghan. The Social Psychology o f Gender. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1996.
Burt, Sandra and Lorraine Code, eds. Changing Methods: Feminist Transforming Practice.
Peterborough: Broadview Press, 1995.
Burt, Sandra, Lorraine Code, and Lindsay Doraey, Changing Patterns: Women in Canada,
2"^ed. Toronto: The Canadian Publishers, 1993.
Butler, Judith. Bodies That Matter: On the Discursive Limits o f “Sex. ” New York:
Routledge, 1993.
Carl, George Clifford, Wilbert Amie Clemens, and C.C. Lindsey. The Fresh-waterfishes o f
British Columbia. Victoria: (Queen’s Printer, 1959.
Camiol, Ben. Case Critical: Challenging Social Services in Canada. Toronto: Between the
Lines, 1995.
Chesler, Phyllis. Mothers on Trial: The Battlefo r Children and Custody. New York:
McGraw-Hill Book Company, 1986.
Chodorow, Nancy, The Reproduction o f Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology o f
Gender. Berkely: University o f California Press, 1978.
Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Soy Yes When to Say No To Take
Control o f Your Life. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1992.
Cooper, Carol. “Native Women o f the Northern Pacific Coast: An Historical Perspective,
1830-1900.” Journal o f Canadian Studies 27, no. 4 (Winter 1992-93): 44-75.

153

Corbett, Jane. “Famine and Household Coping Strategies.” World Development 16, no. 9
(1988): 1099-1112.
Cornell, Drucilla. "What is Ethical Feminism?" In Feminist Contentions: A Philosophical
Exchange, ed. Seyla Benhabib, Judith Butler, Drucilla Cornell, and Nancy Fraser, 75106. New York: Routledge, 1995.
Cose, Ellis. Colour-Blind: Seeing beyond race in a race-obsessed world. New York:
Harper Collins Publishers, Inc., 1997.
________ . The Rage o f a Privileged Class: Why are middle-class blacks angry? Why should
America care? New York: HarperPerenial, 1995.
Cotterill, Pamela. “Interviewing Women: Issues o f Friendship, Vulnerability, and Power.”
Women's Studies Int. Forum 15, no. 5/6 (1992): 593-606.
Coulton, Claudia J., Jill E. Korbin, Marilyn Su, and Julian Chow. “Community Level
Factors and Child Maltreatment Rates.” Child Development 66(1995): 1262-1276.
Dail, Paula. “The Psychosocial Context of Homeless Mothers with Young Children:
Program and Policy Implications.” Child Welfare League o f America LXDC no. 4
(July/August 1990): 291-308.
De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex. Translated by H. M. Parshley. New York:
Everyman’s Library, 1952; Vintage Books, 1974.
Degler, Carl N. At Odds: Women and the Family in America from the Revolution to the
Present. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1980.
Denzin, Norman and Yvonna S. Lincoln, eds. Handbook o f Qualitative Research. Thousand
Oaks: Sage, 1994.
Devault, Marjorie. “Talking and Listening from Women’s Standpoint: Feminist Strategies of
Interviewing and Analysis.” Social Problems 37, no.l (February 1990): 96-116.
Diimerstein, Dorothy. The Mermaid and the Minotaur: Sexual Arrangements and Human
Malaise. New York: Harper Perennial, 1991.
Domjan, Michael. The Principles o f Leaning and Behaviour, 3"*ed. Brooks: Cole
Publishing Company, 1993.
Dooley, David. Social Research Methods, 3"* ed. Englewood Ciffs: Prentice Hall, 1995.
Duelli-Klein, Renate, “Hedwig Dohm: Passionate Theorist (1833-1919).” In Feminist
Theorists: Three Centuries o f Key Women Thinkers, ed. Dale Spender, 165-183. New
York: Pantheon Books, 1983.
Duval, Michelle. The Work o f Childrearing. Translated by Catherine Cunningham-Huston.
Ottawa: Canadian Research Institute for the Advancement o f Women/Institut
Canadien de Recherches sur les Femmes, January 1988.
Ehreiureich, Barbara and Deirdre English. For Her Own Good: ISO Years o f the Experts '
Advice to Women. New Yoric: Anchor Press/Doubleday Books, 1978.
Eichler, Margrit, and Mary Bullen. Families in Canada: An Introduction. Toronto: OISE
Press, 1986.

154

Enington, Jane. “Pioneers and Suffragists." In Changing Patterns: Women in Canada, 2 ^
ed., ed., Sandra Burt, Lorraine Code, Lindsay Domey, 59-91.
Eshleman, J. Ross, and Susannah J. Wilson. The Family: Second Canadian Edition.
Scarborough: Allyn and Bacon Canada, 1998.
Everigham, Christine. Motherhood and Modernity: An investigation into the rational
dimension o f mothering. Buckingham: Open University Press, 1994.
Fiske, Jo-Anne, “Political Status of Native Indian Women: Contradictory Implications of
Canadian State Policy.” American Indian Culture and Research, 19, no. 2 (1995): 130.
Flaherty, David H., ed. Essays in the History o f Canadian Law. Vol. 1. Toronto: The
Osgoode Society, 1986.
Fogel, Sondra J. “Moving Along: An Exploratory Study of Homeless Women with Children
Using a Transitional Housing Program.” Journal o f Sociology and Social Welfare
XXIV, no. 3 (September 1997): 113-133.
Fonow, Mary Margaret and Judith Cook, eds. Beyond Methodology: Feminist Scholarship
as Lived Research. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1991.
Fook, Jan, ed. The Reflective Researcher: Social workers ' theories o f practice research.
St.Leonards: Allen & Unwin, 1996.
Fox, Bonnie J. “The Feminist Challenge: A Reconsideration of Social Inequality and
Economic Development.” In From Culture to Power: The Sociology o f English
Canada, ed. Robert J. Brym with Bonnie J. Fox, 120-167. Toronto: Oxford
University Press Canada, 1989.
Fox, Karen M. “Leisure.” In Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature, ed., Karen J. Warren,
155-175. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1997.
Fraisse, Genevieve and Michelle Perrot, eds. A History o f Women in the West: IV Emerging
Feminism from Revolution to World War. Cambridge: The Belknap Press of Harvard
University Press, 1993.
Gieve, Katherine, ed. Balancing Acts: On Being a Mother. London: Virago Press, 1989.
Gilligan Carol, Nona P. Lyons, and Trudy J. Hanmer. Making Connections: The Relational
Worlds o f Adolescent Girls at Emma Willard School. Cambridge: Harvard University
Press, 1990.
Gilligan, Carol, Annie G. Rogers, Deborah L. Tolman, eds. Women, Girls and
Psychotherapy: Reframing Resistance. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1991.
Gilligan, Carol, Janie Victoria Ward, and Jill McLean Taylor with Betty Bardige. Mapping
the Moral Domain: A Contribution o f Women’s Thinking to Psychological Theory
and Education. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1988.
Glaser, Barney G., and Anselm L. Strauss, The Discovery o f Grounded Theory: Strategies fo r
Qualitative Research. New Yoric: Aldine De Gruyter, 1967.

155

Godineau, Dominique, “Daughters o f Liberty and Revolutionary Citizens.” Translated by
Arthur GolcUiammer. In A History o f Women in the West: IV. Emerging Feminism
from Revolution to World War, ed. Geneviè Fraisse and Michelle Perrot, 15-32.
Cambridge: Belknap Press o f Harvard University Press, 1992.
Goldberg, Margaret E., Barbara W. Lex, Nancy K. Mello, Jack H. Mendelson, Tommie A.
Bower. “Impact o f Maternal Alcoholism on Separation of Children From Their
Mothers: Findings From a Sample o f Incarcerated Women.” American Journal o f
Orthopsychiatry 66, no. 2 (April 1996): 228-238.
Gordon, Tuula. Feminist Mothers. New York: New York University Press, 1990.
Gorhan, Geoffrey. “The Concept of Truth in Feminist Sciences.” Hypatia 10, no. 3
(Summer 1995): 99-116.
Gould, Stephen Jay. The Mismeasure o f Man. New York: W.W.Norton and Company,
1981.
Gowaty, Patricia Adair. “Evolutionary Biology and Feminism.” Human Nature 3, no. 3
(1992): 217-249.
Greif, Georffrey L. “Working With Noncustodial Mothers,” Families in Society: The
Journal o f Contemporary Human Services, (January/February 1997): 46-51.
Grimshaw, Jean. Philosophy and Feminist Thinking. Minneapolis: University o f Minnesota
Press, 1986.
Gudykunst, William B. Bridging Differences: Effective Intergroup Communication, 2'^ed.
Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1994.
Hammersley, Martyn and Paul Atkinson. Ethnography: Principles in Practice. London:
Tavistock Publications, 1983.
Haraway, Donna. Primate Visions: Gender, Race and Nature in the World o f Modem
Science. New York: Routledge, 1989.
________ . Modest_Witness@Second_Millennium. FemaleMan^_Meets_OncoMouse™.
New York: Routledge, 1997.
Harding, Sandra. “Introduction: Is There a Feminist Method?” In Feminism and
Methodology: Social Science Issues, ed. Sandra Harding, 1-13. Bloomington:
Indiana Press, 1987.
Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery. New York: Basic Books, 1992.
Hess, David. Science and Technology: In a Multicultural World: The Cultural Politics o f
Facts and Artifacts. New York: Columbia University Press, 1995.
Higginbotham, Elizabeth, & Mary Romero. Women and Work: Exploring Race, Ethnicity,
and Class. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1997.
Hilary Rose. Love, Power and Knowledge: Towards a Feminist Transformation o f the
Sciences. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1994.
Hocker, Joyce L. and William W. Wilmot. Interpersonal Conflict, 4“*ed. Madison: WCB
Brown and Benchmark Publishers, 1995.

156

Holloway, Susan D. and Sandra Machida. “Child-Rearing Effectiveness o f Divorced
Mothers: Relationship to Coping Strategies and Social Support.” Journal o f divorce
and remarriage 14, no. 3-4 (1991): 179-201.
hooks, bell. (Gloria Watkins). Killing Rage: Ending Racism. New York: Henry Holt and
Company, 1995.
________ . Yearning: race, gender, and cultural politics. Toronto: Between the lines, 1990.
________ . Feminist Theoryfrom Margin to Centre. Boston: South End Press, 1984.
Howard, John R., ed. Awakening Minorities: American Indians, Mexican Americans, Puerto
Ricans. Chicago: Aldine, 1970.
http://www.helpforadd.com/preview I .htm.
Hughes, Patrick H., Shirely D. Coletti, Robert L. Neri, Catherine F. Urmann, Sherin Stahl,
Donna Sicilian, and James C. Anthony. "Retaining Cocaine-Abusing Women in a
Therapeutic Community: The Effect o f a Child Live-In Program." American Journal
o f Public Health 85, no. 8, (August 1985): 1149-1152.
Humm, Maggie. The Dictionary o f Feminist Theory. Columbus: Ohio State University
Press, 1989.
ICBC, Road Safety: Drinking Driving Counter Attack,
(http://www.icbc.com/safety/attack.html), June 16, 1999.
Irwin, Donald and Janet Simons. Lifespan Developmental Psychology. Madison: WCB
Brown and Benchmark Publishers, 1994.
Johnson, Joseph. “On National Education.” InM ary Wollstonecraft: A Vindication o f The
Rights o f Women with Strictures on political and Moral Subjects,ed., Ashley
Tauchert. Vermont: Everyman, 1995.
Johnson, Louise C. Social Work Practice: A Generalist Approach. Boston: Allyn and
Bacon, 1995.
Jones, Jenny and Peter Jones. “Special needs, special costs. . . ” The Prince George Citizen
(Thursday, June 17,1999): 4.
Kaplan, Meryle Mahrer. Mothers ' Images o f Motherhood: Case Studies o f Twelve Mothers.
London: Routledge, 1992.
Kirby, Sandra and Kate McKenna. Experience Research Social Change: Methods From the
Margins. Toronto: Garmond Press, 1989.
Kline, Marlee. “Complicating the Ideology o f Motherhood: Child Welfare Law and First
Nation Women,” Queens Law Journal 2 (1993): 307-342.
Knowles, Jane Price and Ellen Cole, eds. Woman-Defined Motherhood. New York:
Harrington Park Press, 1990.
Krall, Florence R. Ecotone: wayfaring on the margins. Albany: New York, 1994.
Kubler-Ross Elizabeth. On Children and Death. New York: MacMillan Publishing
Company, 1983.

157

Lane, Ann J. “Mary Ritter Beard: Women as Force.” In Feminist Theorists: Three Centuries
o f Key Women Thinkers, ed. Dale Spender, 335-347. New York: Pantheon Books,
1983.
Lauhtzen, Carol, & Michael Jaeger. “Constructivism: A Theory o f Learning.” In
Integrating Learning Through Story: The Narrative Curriculum, 47-77. Albany:
Delmar Publishers, 1997,
Lavely, William. “Industrialization and Household Complexity in Rural Taiwan.” Social
Forces 69, no. 1 (September 1990): 235-251.
Lehr, Ron. The Experiences o f Young Nan-custodial Fathers Following Separation and
Divorce. Prince George: UNBC, Child Welfare Research Centre, 1998.
Lemer, Gerda. The Creation o f Patriarchy. New York: Oxford University Press, 1986.
Levesque, Andrée. Making and Breaking the Rules: Women in Quebec, 1919-1939.
Translated by Yvonne M. Klein. Toronto: McClelland & Strewart Inc., 1994.
Lindsey, Elizabeth W. “Mothers’ Perceptions o f Factors Influencing The Restabilization o f
Homeless Families.” Families in Society: The Journal o f Contemporary Human
Services 77, no. 4 (April 1996): 203-215.
Luxton, Meg, ed. Feminism and Families: Critical Policies and Changing Practices.
Halifax: Femwood Publishing, 1997.
Maguire, Patricia. Doing Participatory Research: A fem inist approach. Amherst: Centre for
International Education, 1987.
Markus, Hazel Rose and Shinobu Kitayama, “Culture and the Self: Implications for
Cognition, Emotion, and Motivation.” Psychological Review 98, no.2 (1991): 224253.
Marsh, Leonard C. Canadians In and Out o f Work: A Survey o f Economic Classes and their
Relation to the Labour Market. Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1940.
Mason, Jennifer. Qualitative Researching. London: Sage Publications, 1996.
Matthews, Jill Julius. Good And Mad Women: The Historical Construction o f Feminity in
Twentieth-Century Australia. Sydney: Allen and Unwin, 1984.
McDaniel, Antonio, and S Philip Morgan. “Racial Difference in Mother-Child Coresidence
in the Past.” Journal o f Marriage and the Family 58 (November 1996): 1011-1017.
McDowell, Linda, and Joanne P. Sharpe, eds. Space, Gender, Knowledge: Feminist
Readings. London: Arnold, 1991.
McKnight, John. The Careless Society: Community and its Counterfeits. New Yoric, Basic
Books, 1995.
McLaren, Peter, and Peter Leonard, eds. Paulo Freire: A Critical Encounter. London:
Routledge, 1993.
McMahon, Martha. Engendering Motherhood: Identity and Self-Transformation in Women's
Lives. New Yoric: The Guildford Press, 1995.

158

Merchant, Carolyn. Earthcare: Women and the Environment. New York: Routledge, 1995.
, The Death o f Nature: Women, Ecology and the Scientific Revolution. New York:
Harper & Row, 1980. Reprint New Yoric: Harper & Row, 1986.
Messick, Samuel. “Validity o f Test Interpretation and Use.” Research Report No. 90-11.
Princeton, NJ: Educational Testing Service, 1990.
Mies, Maria and Vandana Shiva. Ecofeminism. Halifax: Femwood Publications, 1993.
________ & Andy Spencer. “Women’s Research or Feminist Research?” In Beyond
Methodology: Feminist Scholarship as Lived Research, 60-84. Bloomington: Indiana
University Press, 1991.
Miles, Matthew B. and A. Michael Huberman. Qualitative Data Analysis, an Expanded
Sourcebook, 2"^ ed. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1994.
Mirkin, Marsha Pravder, ed. Women in Context: Toward a Feminist Reconstruction o f
Psychotherapy. New York: The Guilford Press, 1994.
Morse, Janice M. “Designing Funded Qualitative Research.” In Handbook o f Qualitative
Research, eds. Norman K. Denzin & Yvonna S. Lindoln, 209-219. Thousand Oaks:
Sage Publications, 1994.
Mosedale, Susan Sleeth. “Science Corrupted Biologists Construct: The Woman Question.”
Journal o f the History o f Biology 11, no. 1 (Spring 1978): 1-55.
Mrazek, David A., Patricia Mrazek, and Mary Klinnert. “Clinical Assessment o f Parenting.”
Journal o f the American Academy o f Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 34, no. 3
(March 1995): 272-282.
Nelson, Fiona. Lesbian Motherhood: An Exploration o f Canadian Lesbian Families.
Toronto: University o f Toronto Press, 1996.
Nicolson, Paula. “Motherhood and Women’s Lives,” In Thinking Feminist: Key Concepts in
Women's Studies, ed, Diane Richardson and Victoria Robinson, 201-223. New York:
The Guildford Press, 1993.
Ollenburger, Jane C. and Helen A. Moore. A Sociology o f Women: The Intersection o f
Patriarchy, Capitalism, and Colonization, 2“*ed. Upper Saddle River: Prentice Hall,
1998.
Pakula, Allan J., dir. Sophies’ Choice (videorecording). Based on the novel by Styron,
William. Produced by Keith Barish Productions. ITC Films Inc, 1982.
Parr, Joy and Mark Rosenfeld, ed. Gender and History in Canada. Toronto: Copp Clark
Ltd., 1996.
Paskowicz, Patricia. Absentee Mothers. Totowa: Allanheld, Osmun & Co.; New York:
Universe Books, 1982.
Perrot, Michell, “Stepping Out,” ]n A History o f Women in the West, ed, Geneviève Fraisse
and Michelle Perrot, 449-481. Cambridge: The Belknap Press o f Harvard University
Press, 1993.

159

Pollack, Sandra. “Preface.” In Woman Defined Motherhood, ed, Jane Price Knowles and
Ellen Cole, xv-xix. New York: Harrington Paric Press, 1990.
Porter, John. The Vertical Mosaic: An Analysis o f Social Class and Power in Canada.
Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1965.
Prince George Citizen, The. “Special needs, special costs.” Thursday, June 17,1999.
Reinharz, Schulamit. Feminist Methods in Social Research. New York: Oxford University
Press, 1992.
Richardson, Diane and Victoria Robinson, eds. Thinking Feminist: Key Concepts in
Women’s Studies. New York: The Guilford Press, 1993.
Richardson, Laurel. “Writing: A Method of Inquiry.” In Handbook o f Qualitative Research,
eds., Norman K. Denzin & Yvonna S. Lincoln, 516-529. Thousand Oaks: Sage
Publications, 1994.
Richter, Kerry. “Living Separately as a Child-Care Strategy: Implications for Women’s
Work and Family in Urban Thailand,” Journal o f Mariage and Family 58 (May
1996): 327-339.
Ristock, Janice L. and Joan Pennell. Community Research as Empowerment: Feminist Links,
Postmodern Interruptions. Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1996.
Rossi, Alice S. and Peter H. Rossi. O f Human Bonding: Parent-Child Relations Across the
Life Course. New York: Aldine de Gruyter, 1990.
Rothman, Sheila M. Woman's Proper Place: A History o f Changing Ideals and Practices,
1870 to the Present. New York: Basic Books, 1978.
Rowland, Robyn, and Renate Klein. “Radical Feminism: History, Politics, Action.” In
Radically Speaking: Feminism Reclaimed, ed, Diane Bell and Renate Klein, 9-44.
North Mellrâume: Spinifex, 1996.
Schiebinger, Londa. “Creating Sustainable Science.” Osiris 12(1997): 201-216.
Scott, Colin. “Science for the West, Myth for the Rest.” In Naked Science: Anthropological
Inquiry into Boundaries, Power, and Knowledge, ed., Laura Nader. New York:
Routledge, 1996.
Seager, Joni. Earth Follies: Coming to Feminist Terms with the Global Environmental
Crisis. New York, Routledge, 1993.
Smith, Dorothy E. Texts, Facts, and Femininity: Exploring the relations o f ruling. London:
Routledge, 1990.
________ . The Everyday World as Problematic: A Feminist Sociology. Toronto: University
o f Toronto Press, 1987.
Spender, Dale. “Modem Feminist Theorists: Reinventing Rebellion.” In Feminist Theorists:
Three Centuries o f Key Women Thinkers, ed. Dale Spender, 366-380. New York:
Pantheon Books, 1983
________ , ed. In Feminist Theorists: Three Centuries o f Key Women Thinkers. New Yoric:
Pantheon Books, 1983.

160

Spender, Lynn. “Maltilda Joslyn Gage: Active Intellectual.” In Feminist Theorists: Three
Centuries o f Key Women Thinkers, ed. Dale Spender, 137-145. New York: Pantheon
Books, 1983.
Stanley, Liz, ed. Feminist Praxis: Research, Theory and Epistemology in Feminist
Sociology. London: Routledge, 1990.
Strauss, Anselm, and Juliet Corbin. Basics o f Qualitative Research: Grounded Theory
Procedures and Techniques. Newbury Park: Sage Publications, 1990.
Swigart, Jane. The Myth o f the Bad Mother: Parenting Without Guilt. New York: Avon
Books, 1991.
Thorpe, Geoffrey L and Sheryl L. Olson. Behaviour Therapy: Concepts, Procedures, and
Applications. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1990.
Thurer, Shari L. The Myths o f Motherhood: How culture reinvents the good mother. Boston:
Houghton Mifflin Company, 1994.
Tomm, Winnie, ed. The Effects o f Feminist Approaches on Research Methodologies.
Waterloo: Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 1989.
Waring, Marilyn. IfW omen Counted: A New Feminist Economics. San Francisco:
HarperSanFrancisco, 1990.
Warren, Karen J., ed. Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature. Bloomington: Indiana
University Press, 1997.
Weeks, Jeffrey. Sex, Politics and Society: The Regulation o f Sexuality Since 1800, 2™*ed.
London: Longman, 1981.
Weingarten, Kathy. The M other’s Voice: Strengthening Intimacy in Families. New York,
The Guilford Press, 1994.
West, Barbara and Kris Kissman. “Mothers without Custody: Treatment Issues.” Journal of
Divorce and Remarriage 14, no. 3-4, (1991) 229-237.
Whipple, Ellen E. “Reaching Families with Preschoolers at Risk o f Physical Child Abuse:
What Worics?” Families in Society: The Journal o f Contemporary Human Services
80, no.2 (March-April 1999): 148-160.
Wollstonecraft, Mary. A Vindication o f The Rights o f Woman with Strictures on Political
arui Moral Subjects. Edited by Ashley Tauchert. Vermont: Everyman, 1995.
Zilboog, Caroline, ed. Women’s Firsts. Detroit: Gale Research, 1997.
Zinsser, Judith P. History and Feminism: A Glass H alfFull. New York: Twayne Publishers,
1993.
Zuravin, Susan, and Geoffrey Greif. “Low-Income Mothers Without Custody: Who Are
They and Where Are Their Children?” Journal o f Sociology and Social Welfare
(1989): 163-180.