features Over the Edge - November 16 C hirpin’ with Burton Te Birdis the word Mee are slowly giving way to projects and soon final exams. Students are busy scur- _ lives easier. It was just a couple of weeks ago that I was given the suggestion to start an advice col- rying like neurotic ants hopped up on caffeine. And between those frantic fits back and umn. Last week, I opened myself up to questions from a variety of sources and was given a plethora forth between classes and the obligatory partying (or “resting” as we prefer to call it”) of answers. Hell, even the janitor asked me for love advice. I don’t know if the advice I gave that students are at a loss for some answers to dire questions that they just don’t have the energy or time charismatic broom pusher will see results, but one can only hope. to seek out. So here you have it — some of the questions I was asked and the best advice I can give: I find myself a pretty helpful guy. I enjoy answering questions and giving advice to make people’s “Tam new student to country Canada who has love of movies. I worry about the illegality of downloading many movies. Should IT have worry for unlawful downloading in wonderful Canada?” -- Gerbitz Ingleweizenheim I’ve been downloading moderately for years, and the feds haven’t caught up to me. We have a much more relaxed view on illegal down- loading here in Canada than other countries, like the US. To date, very few Canadians have ever been tried and found guilty for massive amounts of illegal downloading. And I mean like MASSIVE amounts. The kind that wouldn’t even be feasible with the wi-fi here. So if you’re just down- loading a season or two of Family Guy, I don’t think you have nothing to worry about. As for the moral implications, if you have any, consider it this way. Stealing — the original is gone; Piracy — the original remains. You don’t make a candle dimmer by spreading the flame my Sino-Euro-Jew-Frican “As a student, I don’t have much money or time to go shopping. What should I get my family members for Christmas?” - Lovingly Cheap It sucks when you want to get the fam something nice, but wouldn’t you know it, you spent all that time study- ing and all your money on Thirsty Thursday pitchers. You still have resources thouvgh. Try bartering — ask a friend who is an artist to paint them a picture or create a sculpture. There’s a photography club here at UNBC. I’m sure if you asked nicely (or, you know, buy them a beer) some club members may put together a nice scrapbook for you. Look at the Farmer’s Market. Vendors have a variety of crafts. Sure, you won’t find a “locally made digital cam- era”, but I wouldn’t say no to unwrapping a box of bison jerky, salsa and homemade cookies come Christmas time. As an alternative, offer services when you get home — chop wood for the father, wash the dishes for mom, go a little easier on those little brother-noogies, and have a tea party with your little sister like she has always wanted. People are still convinced that Christmas revolves around cash. I remember a time when it was about finding what a family member wanted or needed through espionage-like means and doing your damndest to fill that need, money or not. I can also tell you that telling your parents that “you being home for Christmas is the greatest gift of all” is a crock of shit. I don’t know about you, but my parents beat me with a lump of coal the last Christmas I tried that. friend. “Settle this argument between me and my roommate: Which residence is better, Neyoh or Keyoh?” - Member of the party of RentlsTooDamnHigh I’ve heard this argument for years. Both have their pros and cons, some of which people are not always aware of. Keyoh is closer to the forest, which allows greater chance of viewing the wildlife that we are so fond of. If you pre- fer privacy, that forest-facing option gives you the chance to dance buck naked without the worry of some passerby getting his jollies off. Unless it’s a moose, in which case you will just have to deal with the creepy moose. Every room in both the residences, except for the odd numbers of 4th floor Keyoh (the forest facing rooms) retain the pos- sibility of being seen through a window. Your best bet is to either stop doing the naked cha-cha in front of windows, close the blinds, or be prepared to have a few unexpected Facebook friends. However, if you’ve lived in Keyoh before, you have surely heard of the prevalence for fire alarms. These suck, but both buildings have that risk. Much to the chagrin of some lazier students, Keyoh is further up the hill. It’s not Mount Everest people, it’s a small incline! While this may be a hassle in the winter if maintenance has been a bit slow with the salt, it’s not all that intimidating in the snowless months. In fact, if you live on the first floor of Keyoh that faces Neyoh during the winter, pull up a chair, make some hot chocolate and peer out your front window for some classic winter comedy. With that extra shove for physical exercise, I’ve heard Keyoh residences laugh at the idea of their residence having fewer fatties. Neyoh is adjacent to the housing office and the Residence Life Assistants and their office. The Environmental RA’s are also in Neyoh, should you want to chat with them or ask questions. The Residence Council office, however, is located in Keyoh. For those who claim Neyoh is closer to the school, you are technically correct - by like 50 feet. If you are like some of my friends who think you can get an extra 10 minutes of sleep being that much closer to the school, you are wrong and probably not very good at math. And while Keyoh does seem to have Neyoh beat for fire alarms, Keyoh residents can sleep a bit sounder during snowy winter days as Neyoh is closer to snow plows. These can be just as “T love my girlfriend, but she’s a ginger. What should I do?” - Red Hot Luva Gingers are people too. Why should they be marginalized because of a high level of pheomelanin pigments? You wouldn’t outcast someone because they had different color eyes or were a different height than you. You can be a social activist by grabbing your girlfriend’s freckled hand and standing proud. Let the public know that you’re not ashamed to be dating a ginger. Even you said it, you love her, so what’s the problem? Besides, have you seen some of them out there? Take off those ginger- lenses you’ve got and open your eyes man — some red heads out there are stunning. Christina Hendricks? Alyson Hannigan? Emma Stone? Those girls are dynamite! There are definitely some cutie reds walking the halls of UNBC I wouldn’t be ashamed to be seen with. “What should I do with my old Halloween Costume?” - Fan of Rocktober Considering this is the green university, you shouldn’t simply throw it out. Consider offering it to some clubs out there. I’m sure there is an event coming up in which a club can use a mascot to run around and promote a pub night. websites that help give things a second chance at life. Let someone else irritating as fire alarms in the middle of the night. There you go — pros and cons. Make your choice. “T hate my class and I really feel like I’m not learning anything. Ts it worth going?” - E=MC-zzzzz This is University, where they stress you are the ultimate master of your destiny. While I do hate substantial participation marks in classes that are boring, they can affect your grade in the long run, depending on what they are worth. I had a class in which I noticed fewer and fewer people were attending. I realized I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t learning, so I decided to just learn from the text at my own pace. This was a better solution because my prof was three chapters ahead and any time I looked at what she had on the board that I had not learned for myself yet, I would just get frustrated. Keep in mind, I’m not condoning skipping class, but look at a situation and determine how to spend your time wisely. If you can manage to multitask, bring your laptop to class and work on other projects. You can still get those participation marks while doing homework for other classes. Just stay of Facebook, feign attention with semi-earnesty and you should be fine. “President Iwama used to be in the Mafia, didn’t he?” - StoneColdlwama take that smelly pirate costume off your hands. Second hand stores might welcome it as well. Winter is coming. Put that stuff on a snowman and take a photo! Get creative. “Tm a professor at UNBC, and my students are, well, lacking a certain enthusiasm in class. What can I do to motivate and inspire them in class?” - Teacher McBestFriend I’m not going to simply tell you to hand out less homework. But too much homework is one stint that can burn students out. Maybe look at your class from an objective point of view — is the material actually interesting? Try to spice it up with pop-culture references. Use Pokemon in comparing biological specimens. Don’t want to list off psychological disorders? Use Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother and see how many your class can guess he has (they had a recent episode on it for reference). Those three-hour classes are brutal, even with a break in the middle. Get your students to stand up and stretch for 1 or 2 minutes at the quarter mark. Don’t be afraid of breaking up monotonous and boring routines. Put up a brainteaser at the beginning of class. It may not bring students in, but it gets those who showed up and their brains thinking. Wake your class up with a pop song played at the beginning of class. Don’t get them to dance though; remember, you want to get on their good side. Bribery always works. Get rid of leftover or cheap Halloween candy by rewarding correct answers. If your class has any access to chemicals, blow some shit up! I guarantee you, your students will show! Well, this wasn’t really a seeking advice. But to answer your question: totally. Have you seen the man? Behind those glasses and that stoic gaze is a scary man you wouldn’t want to piss off.